Marriage changes EVERYTHING | Where were we? - Ep 4

Marriage changes EVERYTHING | Where were we? - Ep 4

Author Name:Rohit & Kanupriya

Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@RohitandKanu

Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZDZbhaMI-o



Transcript:
(00:00) My first relationship turned out to be such a disaster. There was like black magic involved and everything. >> Oh my god. >> She started standing outside my building and looking up at my balcony every single day. Like, please come help me. Help me now. What's happening? He said, look up. >> Oh my god. >> And I looked up.
(00:18) >> Were you always big on weddings? >> Uh-oh. >> The second you saw that sign over there saying, "Will you marry me?" All I heard WAS [laughter] >> Ashley called up your dad. He stopped me and said, "GO DO IT." >> HE JUST WANTED TO GET rid of me now. >> Do you think body count matters? >> Everyone has [music] a past.
(00:35) >> If you're going to still be around later and then >> Sorry, what do you believe in the concept of soulmate? >> Oh my god, this doesn't end. >> I know people who are lost in the 30s as well. >> Sorry for them and I hope they get some therapy because >> there are successful relationships. >> It's a myth.
(00:53) There is no successful relationship. what we haven't really discussed out in the open for people. I mean, not through our reals and all, but how our married life has genuinely been. >> Yes. >> What are your thoughts on marriage in general? >> In general. >> Yeah. Like, what do you feel about marriage? >> I mean, I'm someone who always wanted to share my life with someone and to have someone experience life with me, >> you know? Yeah.
(01:21) When I was single, I used to find it so boring. I'm like, it's not fun watching the sunset alone. I mean, yes, you have friends, but I've not been very lucky in that respect. So, I've always wanted like my person >> like your lobster. >> Yeah. And I genuinely love waking up with someone, watching something with someone >> that I'm seeing that I'm seeing clearly.
(01:40) >> And I feel if you have a partner who is more of a friend, >> I think get married. It's so much fun. >> I never had a clear idea of if I ever wanted to get married. >> Why I'm not surprised? Every other man says that. >> Oh, really? >> So common. >> Is it a common thing? >> Yeah.
(01:57) I mean, it's mostly like when a girl is small, she's like, "Okay, I dream I dream to get married and wear this leng." And for a guy, it's like >> That's I don't think that's true, is it? I know I know there are men out there who really look forward to getting married. >> I I don't know anyone. >> Okay, maybe it's a handful of men out there.
(02:12) Maybe it's not the majority of men. >> Yeah, maybe. >> But I know those men. >> Okay. >> I was never against >> getting married. I just didn't know whether it's something I wanted to do. Okay. >> Like see I mean you've met my parents. You've seen how they are. You've seen how >> even after these donkeys of yours are being married, they're still so in love.
(02:30) >> That would >> exactly you know that is that's an inspiration, right? >> Yes. 100%. >> No matter what is happening with the world out there, there's an inspiration right in my house. >> Yeah. Same. Likewise, like they made me want to get married. The way they were and how they tackled situations, >> right? >> Then you feel like it's fun to have a team.
(02:45) >> A team, you know, that was a key thing for me. I mean besides the fact that the first relationship I ever tried because I was single for most of my teenage life till I entered my 20ies. >> I wonder why >> and then I was like okay let's not go [laughter] there. >> Okay. So we are never getting into that by the way.
(03:03) [laughter] >> Of course we are. I have a whole list of questions ready for you. >> Oh wow. >> I mean aren't we here to be honest Rohit? >> Not that honest. [laughter] Okay. Okay. Okay. So like I was saying, I was single for most of my life in the beginning till I got into my 20s and again I saw relationships around me, my uncles, my my parents, my parents' friends.
(03:26) >> Yeah. >> So I was like, it looks nice. >> Yeah. >> You know, it it feels good to have that person. >> Yeah. >> Why not give relationships a shot? >> Yeah. >> And my first relationship turned out to be such a disaster. >> Okay. There was like black magic involved and everything. Yeah. So, okay, fine. Look at your face. My god.
(03:45) >> Okay, let me let me get into that a little bit. >> Okay, >> so she was she seemed like a very sweet, nice girl. >> Okay. >> One of those girls that you look at and you go, I think I can >> I'll have a longl lasting relationship with this girl, you know, because she always wore salvaries and she was a >> Oh no, that's such a >> She was she was a a young teacher in um NFT NFD.
(04:10) >> NFD. >> Yeah. Very nice. Very very sweet. Like I I had come home from work that time. I was working as a process consultant at a call center. I'd come back home, she'd remove my shoes. >> What? >> You know, she Yeah. I mean, she was I was like this is >> that is very freaky. >> Well, yeah. In hindsight, it is freaky.
(04:25) >> Yeah. >> But for me, when it's happening for the first time in my life and I was a kid, I'm like, oh, is this what I was missing out in life? >> Mention your age. >> Yeah, please mention your age. >> I I was 21. >> Not a child. >> I mean, I was a kid. I mean, compared to now, I was a kid, right? So for me, it's the first time it's happening in my life, you know.
(04:43) >> I'm thinking this is it. I've made it. Look at this. Look, she's taking my shoes off. She's serving me tea, coffee. I'm like, okay, I don't expect that from my woman. But that was >> of course not. She sounds more like a helper. >> No, she was she was very very sweet. I mean, you're taking it in a very different direction.
(05:00) But she was gladly lovingly lovingly doing it like how a mother would do. >> But you never question that. >> It's happening for the first time in my life. I don't know what to question. I don't know what's right, what's wrong, what's normal, what's not. My god. Got me some slack. Yeah. >> So, that relationship started and I'm thinking, can't go wrong, right? >> Mhm.
(05:15) >> Right. Fast forward a couple of months and um you seen the new movie that just came out, Obsession. >> Oh my god. Did you break a Willow stick? >> I didn't break anything. [laughter] So, >> it was that bad. >> You can say that. >> Wait, let me let me explain. Let me explain. It got a little intense. Actually, got very intense.
(05:35) Got it very intense very quick. A lot of where are you going? Who are you with? Who are you hanging with? A lot of that stuff started happening. >> Yeah. But I thought, okay, maybe that's a part and parcel of things. And I was kind of a freeish guy at that point. You know, I had a lot of friends who were girls, friends who were boys.
(05:49) Maybe it was like a little difficult for her. Yeah. So I was like, okay, relationships might be different. Let me try and adjust, >> compromise. You know, that's what I hear these words so important in relationships. [laughter] >> So I was like, okay. I started doing that. And I was really >> feeling it.
(06:06) And yeah, I started seeing a very different side of me and I realized, oh, I am I can be that commitment guy. You know, you've seen that today very clearly, right? One day I wake up and uh I don't know what happened. It was like a switch went off in my head. I called her up at her school that she was teaching at >> the or the college and uh she said she was at college.
(06:26) >> She was she had a class. Yeah. >> I don't know why I called her. There was something that had come up. >> Otherwise, I never reach out to her at work. >> Okay. >> Because her phone was busy. So I called the reception. Reception answered the call and said college is shut today. >> Uhoh. >> No one came.
(06:40) And I'm thinking about this wondering what is going on. And at that time at that very moment in the house there was this guy called Nasim Bay. >> Okay. >> Uh he is a guy from Kolkata >> who does a lot of this um black magic stuff or whatever >> like he puts those things you know those saffron writings over the door so so evil can't enter.
(06:58) >> Okay. He's preventing. >> Yeah he's preventive. Yeah. Okay. So mom has believed in him for the longest time and I don't believe in any of that squad. >> Yeah. >> Right. >> Yeah. >> So he was there and he saw me full stress and he asked what happened. >> I said no this girl um she uh said she was at work >> and she's not at work.
(07:17) I'm wondering should I go? Should I not go? Like have you ever gone before to to check? >> I said never in my life have I taken that step to like confirm someone's lie. >> Yeah. >> He's like uh bit jao. Oh, >> and I still I don't I don't believe in him and the things he does. >> Yeah. >> But I probably needed to hear that to kind of I needed I needed that push.
(07:37) >> Yeah. >> To kind of just go and see. And I went to the college and she wasn't there and no one was there. >> I I I made the receptionist call of the girl and um put her on speaker >> and she called. There was a landline back then. She called and she didn't answer. She didn't say anything. She picked up the phone but she wasn't talking.
(07:56) I could hear wind and the background noise. >> Background. Yeah. >> And the receptionist said hello. And then she said >> like I said I was her cousin and he's looking for you. >> Yeah. >> She's like cousin. And then from behind her I heard a guy say who's that? >> Oh no. You got >> And then she and then she said, "I don't have a cousin.
(08:16) " >> And then she probably understood that it was me. >> Yeah. Disguised as a cousin. >> And she just hung up at that moment instantly. >> And I'm just there going what? All this while I was the one thinking that I might be the one who'd up and I was playing it safe and everything and she's the one who's going ahead and doing all and okay >> I guess this is what relationships are.
(08:37) >> Oh no. >> Obviously my mind is getting set. I'm a young guy you know first experience like this. What am I going to think of relationships? I came back home. I said I'm done. And when my door shut >> my door shut. >> Whoever it is whether it's a friend >> whether it's a relationship I don't care once I've given up on someone which I rarely do.
(08:53) >> Yeah. It's done. >> Yeah. >> So, I'm done. But the story begins there. >> Since that day, because I think it was guilt of what? I don't know what. >> She started standing outside my building and looking up at my balcony every single day. >> Oh my god. >> That happened every single day for a month. >> Didn't she have a job to go to? >> After her job, she'd finish she'd finish everything.
(09:16) She'd come downstairs and just whole evening she'd stand down there and the guards would get pissed off with her. They'd come and ask me, "What is happening, sir? your friend used to come every day over here. I said building because she's just been standing there below the building and staring at the balcony like this. >> Oh my god. >> I'm like what is happening with this girl and she kept calling me let me in.
(09:37) Let me in. Let me in. Let me in. I would never let her in. >> Yeah. >> So then one night she gave me a call around 2:30 in the morning and after this after like a ton of messages. >> Yeah. And because of the number of me calls that kept coming in, I felt something not okay. >> Okay. >> And I answered one of the nights and she was wailing and she's crying and she's like, "Please come help me, help me, help me.
(09:59) " And she used to stay walking distance from my house, like >> 6 minutes, 7 minutes walking distance. So I walked into her house and I'm on the phone. I'm like, "Huh? What's happening? What's happening?" She said, "Look up." >> Oh my god. >> And I looked up and she's standing at the ledge of the building. >> Oh my god. >> It's a five-story building, but she's standing at the ledge on top.
(10:15) >> Oh no. Oh, >> and she's like, "But I'm saying I'm sorry. Why aren't you forgiving me?" >> My god. >> Keep in mind, I'm 21 years old at this point. >> But what? Where was the ma black magic? >> Coming to it. >> Oh my god. This doesn't end. [laughter] >> Okay. So, I went I I said, "Come, come down. I'm coming up.
(10:32) Seth, I forgive you. I forgive you." I had to say whatever I could say to get her to come down. >> Yeah. >> I went upstairs. She came down and she's smiling like nothing has happened. And she entered the house. I saw her parents over there sitting. I said, "K, I have to go back. We'll talk tomorrow." >> Yeah.
(10:46) And of course from that moment I am not going to answer her call or do anything. >> Yeah. 100%. [clears throat] >> Now when I come back home I wake up the next day. This is to answer what you just asked. >> Okay. >> Nasima was in the house right? >> Yeah. >> There was a small phase in the middle. >> Yeah. >> Where I became like one track mind only with that girl.
(11:05) I was only thinking of her, obsessing over her. Everything was about her. My decisions revolved around her. Everything which is very unlike me. Okay. >> You know I was canceling other plans, not meeting friends. So many things. >> Not really. Yeah, you're not like that with me. I mean, you are like that with me. >> No, here. Here. Listen to why. Okay.
(11:22) So, Nasim Bai was apparently scouring the entire house and looking around for things because mom complained that this is what happened to Rohit and in my cupboard. >> Yeah. >> He found a small patch. >> Oh my god. >> of my hair sealed inside with some powdery stuff inside it. And he's like, I said, "How do hell do I know?" You're like, "This is what is used for someone to leave something on someone.
(11:44) " >> Oh, >> so something has latched on to you, sucking your energy. >> But she's used your hair in your cupboard, I thought. >> And she's put it in my cupboard apparently. I mean, now he's showing me a a pouch with hair in it. I don't know who it is. I'm just freaking out like what the hell is happening? Where is this whole thing going? >> Yeah.
(11:59) >> So, he said that and then he did something weird. He looked at my wrist and he wanted to check hard and he saw that this part of my wrist, it had become lighter, the tone, the skin tone. >> Oh my god. Because apparently she kept rubbing something on my wrist without me knowing. >> How is that possible? What were you doing? >> Over a span of She's holding my hand and she just say rubbing it over a span of days and days and days.
(12:20) >> Exactly. Exactly. And I have no clue. And I'm looking at my hand. I'm like, it's so clear as day. There's like a white patch here. >> Oh my god. >> I'm like, how didn't I notice that? >> Yeah. >> Okay, whatever. She's gone. Story is over. A couple of days later, um, she comes banging on the door outside my house. She's upstairs.
(12:41) >> Oh, good god. >> And my mom opened the door and she goes, "What the hell happened?" And she's bleeding from her hands completely. >> Oh, no. >> And mom is like, "Come, come, come in. What the hell? What the hell?" And she's helping her out because, you know, mom, right? And I came out and what? And I saw the blood. I panicked.
(12:55) I What is going on? Helped her out. This dad sealed her hand, made her feel better. >> She was apologizing again. Obviously, in my head, I know this can't keep happening. >> Yeah. She left is coming back and I'm wondering what how is this ever going to come to an end? >> Oh my god. >> And the guard catches me and he's like madam right.
(13:18) I said so he like I said she said she fell down the staircase while she was coming running upstairs to meet me. She fell down the staircase and I told him she fell on the staircase and she told and she told us that no one helped her. Okay. Like sir bully said huh you know what she did while climbing the staircase she stopped and she hammered her bangles on the wall >> that is and cut herself >> session coded.
(13:46) >> That is what she did. >> Why? To prove what that she >> she just wanted sympathy. She wanted me to feel bad. This is my first relationship. [laughter] >> You are so lucky with where you've landed >> at 21. >> That's insane. And I was the one who said, "Let's give relationships a shot." >> My god, that was >> I mean for most people that will be, you know, that will be it.
(14:06) >> Yeah. Yeah. 100%. >> You know, door shut. I don't want [laughter] any goosebumps by just you talking about this. It's so freaky. >> Yeah. It was insane. A very, very insane episode in my life. >> You broke a villow stick, I think. >> Yeah. I don't know what I broke, whose I broke, but I'm sorry for whatever it is.
(14:22) But anyway, that was back then. >> Yeah. >> I don't know how I ever came around came around to giving relationships another shot, but I'm glad I did. Yeah. >> Glad I'm here now. >> Yes. >> But yeah. Okay. So, coming back to us. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Marriage you always wanted, you said. >> Yes. >> But were you always big on weddings? That's not the same thing.
(14:42) >> Not at all. In fact, whenever I asked my parents for their wedding, albums, pictures, they got married and I think but a minister had died and they were not allowed to play music. You were not allowed to burst crackers. >> Okay. So they had a very quiet quiet hush- hush wedding and uh they never they never spoke about weddings and like you know it was not in the family which experience they would have told me.
(15:07) So in my brain it was nothing like that. I was like never wanted a very massive gathering because I don't have so many people I have a very small nuclear family friends also very limited want to be pressure I there was no way I was going to take money from my family to get married. >> That that I think we were on the same page.
(15:25) >> Yes. So I was like whatever I can manage >> great. If I can't manage I'm going to have to communicate with my going to be. >> So you didn't you wanted a wedding but not an extravagant wedding. >> Not at all. Intimate wedding. >> Wow. So that's pretty much like me. That's the same thought process I had.
(15:39) I mean >> fantastic. I [clears throat] think that's why it worked out very seamlessly. >> I genuinely feel I mean again each to his own but I for me personally genuinely feel that weddings are a massive waste of money and I'm talking about the extravagant weddings and I've been to many. I've been invited to a lot.
(15:54) >> Yeah. They mostly seem like business deals between between the families and the parents. >> There's a lot of Lina Dana and all and I don't feel any way we are two daughters. Yeah. There's so much burden on like lal and all of that and never wanted my parents to ever have to feel. >> I mean I've literally seen people I know spend cres and crores in their weddings.
(16:16) I treat it like a festival like you know grand thing and I've seen them divorce in 2 months. Can you imagine that? >> Yeah. >> You know that's unfortunate. It's definitely very >> but I still whether it ends bad or not I still feel weddings >> it's a huge business it's a huge market >> plus also I feel where you're from right I I mean I'm from a very humble >> family >> yeah so am I >> yeah so we did not my parents are teachers >> we've come from humble beginnings >> very very my parents are teachers did not have a lot of money anyway like
(16:44) middle class but like we are fine >> so do you think that matters you think you think you think because uh we know what it feels like to not have money Yeah, >> we >> we were we were very careful about where we're going to spend that money. >> I think that has a part to play in >> 100%.
(17:00) If my parents had money, I would not even like think twice. >> No, I guess that's the mindset that changes. If you're if you're born in money >> Yeah. >> you don't really thinking of wasting money. >> 100%. >> I've seen people telling loans. >> Oh my god. >> Yeah, that's some that's one thing I don't get. >> That I can't understand at all.
(17:15) Like I get education loans but a wedding loan I I don't I don't >> that is it's mortgage houses >> mortgage their houses and >> take loans to get married. Okay. That's what Dave was saying in a lot to do with the society where they are involved in it's it's a lot of cultural >> yeah there's a lot there's a lot of pressure there's a lot of >> outside external forces that you kind of succumb to.
(17:42) again see whatever the reasons are the bottom line what I'm trying to say over here is that it is a waste of money >> for yeah for >> for me yeah >> you know and >> like I think I've always had an image of a very intimate wedding where I have a handful of friends >> same >> just my immediate family >> somewhere secluded get married and I'm happy that's what I've I've always had imagined for me >> yeah when I was talking to you about the court marriage as an idea >> I had no idea whatsoever that you would understand that because I understand
(18:13) where your mother is coming from and you you know a lot of people whether you mingle with them as much but you have a very vast social circle so I was like I don't know let me just try >> yeah because the second the marriage conversation started going out there and everyone started hearing about it everyone's like okay when are we coming are you inviting >> yeah yeah and I'm just like >> exactly what I didn't want was happening >> yeah so I had no idea when you seemed like okay and I was like okay this is like That's something we both didn't
(18:41) expect. >> We did not we did not how how it how we just we did not have any fights. >> Yeah. >> Regarding how what none of that we were if we went to see a location we found out the price and we were like no it's too much. Also because at that time we had just you quit your job. My acting was not doing that well because co was >> still the the effects of the pandemic was still lingering on the industry >> and we barely had money and we were like parents though we are never going to take money.
(19:10) >> This is what I wanted to know from you. You mentioning concerns. Did you have any concerns about marriage? >> Concerns of the event. I do not have concerns of what >> how married life would be. >> How married life would be? >> Oh really no concerns? Yeah, because by then I had an idea.
(19:24) You we were shooting reals, our organic content. >> Correct. >> We were having fun. Correct. >> And you always made me laugh. I never wanted someone who's just bogged down by seriousness and like you know all of that. >> It was always light and chill to be with you. And I always wanted that. I mean I told you I needed someone who can be a child with me.
(19:44) How you run behind me to catch me, how you fool around. Like for me that is so important. Life seriousness we can accomplish. Anyone can do that. >> True. True, true. I I I do remember initially, I mean, before we got married, you >> were a little concerned about me and my life with family that everything was taken care of.
(20:02) People were picking up after me. He's a spoiled guy. How's he going to be now when we get married? Will he be able to handle things? >> But I but I would uh but we've always spoken. Whatever doubts I had, I never like let myself be in the dark. If my concern was that, okay, you know, I know you're a pampered child. I know your parents really love you and your mother really wants to spoil you which is completely her >> decision and her choice.
(20:26) >> My concern was that how are things going to work with us because first a we going to live independently. >> Yeah. >> Second we didn't know whether we were even going to have a career as content creators if you were going to go for a job and I was supposed to figure my acting and all of that. How would we manage because we can't hire help so much and spend money pointlessly.
(20:44) So I was just thinking in terms of would you be able to >> those kind of concerns? >> Yeah. And I don't want to be someone who's picking after a man because I'm not. >> So that was your concern then. But what about now? Now that was your fear. What what is the reality? >> You have you have changed a lot. Your helps upstairs have told me and I'm like really involved because I've seen you buck up and I've seen you >> because no it's not about bucking up at all.
(21:11) Like I was there was a a big phase in my life where I lived by myself >> and I picked up after myself. I did everything alone. I was here in Bombay alone for a for a whole year before family came down. >> I didn't need anyone then. But when family came and I was staying with family, it happens, right? You automatically get a little complacent because people are now taking care of you.
(21:29) They're feeding you, food is coming to you, everything's getting cleaned automatically. Mom, I'm think mothers in general don't let you lift a finger before >> before you before you can blink things are cleaned. >> No, I would I would like to defer. That's the thing that in that regard we've come from different places because in my family it was very >> alag was happening with me but I became complacent because while it's happening it's great but I always knew at any given point if I did not have any of that I would just revert back to exactly how I was
(21:57) >> without any help because when you behave and act in a way that the based on circumstances and where you are >> you know so when we were by ourselves now I know there's no one there to get it done so I'd automatically get it done >> you know I always had that faith in me. But I I think that was a little concern for you.
(22:14) >> Yeah. >> That was your fear in the beginning. >> Yeah. >> Are you do you have any fears now? >> Not really. No fears. It's just that common goals. >> Common goals. >> Common things that we want to achieve. >> Did you think we'd be here in life where we are? >> Of course not. I remember I still remember how I just was vividly telling you in your room.
(22:35) I wish I wish we could just work together. >> Oh, your wishes. Oh, dude. You have to hear this. My god. Can you please can you please >> tell people it's not a jinx. You are the jinx. [laughter] Can you please tell people? >> Okay, this this woman has absolute insane manifestation powers. I mean >> I mean I I I I have seen people have a black tongue.
(22:58) >> Yeah, >> she has a black hole tongue. I don't know what it is. It's insane. What she wants or doesn't want. >> Yeah. >> Happens or doesn't happen. most some things not >> but you have to say this you have to you have to tell them the story if you haven't heard this hear this Dave this is insane >> what happened >> about that thing you wrote down oh my god >> I just wrote that I wanted to work >> no no no >> the house that we rented >> every single thing to the tea came true >> I just remember saying that we'll have I
(23:26) would like to stay in a house with wooden flooring >> and wooden wooden flooring money >> have a pet >> the amount of money we would make in a month and the number was So ridiculous. >> Once we hit that >> Yeah. That once we hit that I was like my god this is she actually and she wrote wait people need to know that you wrote that down at a point where there was no reason for her to think that.
(23:50) >> No but at that time the secret was like you know everyone is reading the secret. >> Okay. So when you wish for something or when someone says I I hope this happens maybe two things happened maybe three things happen. how insanely accurate you were because there were like seven to eight things in there that came completely true.
(24:09) Was it a diary or was it in my email? I don't even remember it. >> I have no idea. But that was so freaky. >> It's like someone writing down my future. >> Yeah. >> When I'm reading it, I'm like, what's the date? It's 2018. >> Yeah. >> And this is 2025. Last year. >> Yeah. We read it. Yeah. Last year we read it and I'm like, what? When I wrote those numbers also, I was like, what are you in thinking? >> Yeah.
(24:34) Really? Like >> but but I'll tell you one thing. It had they say that you had to write a number which is of course much more than what you are currently getting but it can't be like that unrealistic. So I'm like what is this number? >> Yeah. >> So I just that was for me a middle ground. >> When did you get sure of wanting to get married? >> When you proposed because I never thought you were going to even ask.
(24:53) You were misleading me throughout. I was very you told me very clearly I don't want to get married. I don't want to get married now. >> That was a smart plan. >> But I it worked. >> Yeah. But that's what I'm saying. So someone like me who would want who always wanted to get married, but when you said I don't want to get married, but you were still committed to me.
(25:09) I was like, okay, we'll see how it goes. There is no pressure, but then you kept throwing me off. >> Yeah. >> So I was like, okay. >> Yeah. I spent I spent I spent >> a nice couple of months make you believe that I'm against marriage. >> Yeah. While simultaneously I spent three to four months planning the perfect plan these games.
(25:28) >> I went I used to go during lunch from work 1 hour to the hotel >> figure out what I'm supposed to be doing again. Take that 1 hour from lunch go to the jewelry store. >> That is insane. >> Plan out the ring. Yeah. This I did for like 3 to four months planning out that one proposal. >> Yeah. >> And it how worth it was it? You >> you was that I mean that video is there on YouTube for everyone to see.
(25:48) You were so surprised. You You thought we were going there for dinner. [laughter] >> Even while walking down the red carpet. Red or white? >> A white carpet. >> A white carpet. I mean, you say >> the most memorable day of my life. Was it a red carpet? >> No. I'm still [laughter] There's so much that wasn't I was there, but I was not there. You know that.
(26:06) >> No. No. No. You weren't. You checked out immediately. The second [laughter] The second you saw that sign over there saying, "Will you marry me?" All I heard was [laughter] >> Canu right after that ring went onto her finger. I swear like a rock star. She has kicked the lights, hammered everything everywhere.
(26:25) My goodness, she forgot. >> No, I remember walking down and I'm seeing >> people are also there. >> Yeah, I'm seeing you and I'm seeing people on the side and I can't see the sign. For some reason, I've gone blind and I'm like, Rohit Rohu walking like that and I'm took me a while to get and I'm like, "Oh, oh, oh my god, WHAT THE HELL AM I WEARING?" >> YEAH.
(26:44) WELL, first thought, >> of course, [laughter] I mean, one of the many thoughts. >> Yeah. But but an insanely amazing memory. I mean some a day that I would love to relive >> relive. But uh like you were saying when did I think I would want to get married? It was the proposal because you had completely thrown me off. So I had no plans. I had let go of my plans.
(27:03) If it happens great if it doesn't happen. >> Oh. So you were like with me thinking marriage. >> Yeah. I >> you were ready to be that way with me >> for that time. Yeah. Because there was a lot that was happening that same year I lost mom. So at that point of time I wasn't thinking about getting married. Yeah.
(27:18) In fact, in fact, because that happened, >> uh, it delayed our plans and I actually called up your dad >> to be double sure to ask him. >> Yeah. >> I I want to propose to Kanu. >> Yeah. >> And I don't know. And that's literally where my sentence stopped because he stopped me and said, "Yes, do it. Go do it." >> HE JUST WANTED TO GET rid of me. Yeah.
(27:37) >> I like but uh I wanted to ask you just just do it. Go ahead. Do it. I'm like, "Okay." Something I didn't realize then. [laughter] I was like, "Okay." First I was like, "Wow, he's he's supposed to wedding. He's supposed to marry." I'm like, "I didn't know he's getting rid of her." [laughter] >> Yeah.
(27:53) So, at that time, I wasn't thinking, but of course, I was like, you know what, eventually either you would come on board with the idea or I would be like, you know what, this is what I need. And somehow I feel like we always end up on the same page, so I'm not that stressed. >> Yeah. That's very again very rare. >> Yeah, it's very rare.
(28:07) >> We're most more often than not on the same page. >> Did you have that with your with anyone in your past? >> No, not at all. They didn't even have the vision that I had. They didn't have the vision that you had. >> Not at all. [laughter] >> They just didn't. >> Since we're talking about exes, >> we're talking about marriage.
(28:21) Why have you gone down to ex? >> No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Since since I've mentioned it. >> Yeah. >> Do you think body count matters? Be honest. >> That is such a random question. You're talking about marriage. Body count. >> Be honest. Be honest. >> I mean, everyone has a past. >> But then if you're going to still around later and then [laughter] get serious.
(28:37) >> I'm sorry. What? You can have a past >> but then when you meet someone >> and you think this person is worth a shot but then you do not give commitment there and you continue doing that. >> Yeah. So you don't get committed right if you're going >> you don't but I mean I'm sure there are people who do >> well but does body count matter >> for me I >> how many relationships I've had in the past does that matter? >> I would be worried if you didn't have relationships.
(28:59) >> Oh interesting carry on >> because for me I was like I need a person who has been there done that. Oh, >> who knows what it's like? Have an experience because I believe if you're like a fresher, >> you have more. >> Yeah. Like you have probably had maybe one relationships. I mean, look, you have a spectrum, right? You have people who've met as kids, as teens, and they're married and they're doing really well in life >> and they've had successful relationships.
(29:24) >> Exactly. But then now there are also people who've had many relationships and who still cheat in their marriages or whatever. But I wanted someone who has a decent experience >> where I don't want them to be like oh my god >> because then I want them to know that okay we women are a certain type like you know they should be aware about how we are >> I would be worried if this person has not had a body convict [laughter] right you grow up you fall in love you have relationships if you don't have I'm like >> so it's so intrigue for you as well
(30:02) because you're thinking huh so many girls have been with him have shown interest in him is that >> that is also how it worked. I mean I don't know maybe >> okay but okay you you mentioned like childhood sweethearts >> you know they grow up they get married or whatever >> how does that happen I mean do you believe in the concept of soulmate >> I don't believe in the I think the the concept of soul mates it's like we met each other because of the proxim the close proximity of space because we ended up meeting in places we had common
(30:34) friends now to think about it that my soulmate is like in the same city next to me >> convenient >> it's too convenient Yeah. So, so it's it's it's like soulmate through proximity. >> Yeah, it's I'm sure there is >> I mean all around the world there are people who think like me who probably would be great partners for me.
(30:49) >> Yeah, that's actually that's actually very true because when I was in Kolkata I had my first relationship and I was like found my soulmate. >> Yeah. >> I can't really call that a relationship because I was way too young at that point when we were kids. But then found another relationship in Hyderabad and like oh >> wait your first relationship was in Hyderabad when it came >> that was like a serious relationship.
(31:09) >> Okay. >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> Not the one where where we kids you don't even know what you're doing. >> Okay. Okay. Okay. >> And then Hyderabad happened and I was like okay that's my soulmate. >> And then I came to Bombay and I'm like okay this is my soulate. >> I'm like very convenient. You're finding a soulmate around you only in your proximity wherever you feel like um like there could be someone or many people who are similar to me and are more fitting to my personality >> but if that person doesn't make that
(31:35) effort doesn't put in equal amount of it's not going to make sense even if you weren't my soulmate the fact that you make it work the fact that you are willing to put that energy compromise sacrifice sometimes put yourself before you I think that is what matters >> yeah I think soulmate is something it's very sweet that people um like the tag they give to their relationship like you're my soulmate and I'm your soulmate and all.
(32:00) >> I say that to you so many times >> because yeah I think it's because you're trying to show how strong our bond is. >> I so that's the terminology you use. >> Yeah. >> But in actuality there's no such real evidence of soulmate you know but okay let's just say hypothetically if you could find out who your soulmate is at this very moment >> would you do it? >> No.
(32:22) What? We both said no. >> Yeah, I'm very happy. >> I have to I have to hear this. Wait. Okay. Why? Why? No. >> Why am I putting myself in that situation when I'm very very happy in the relationship that I am in? How would you want to? Why would this group up? What about you, Ro? What do you want to try? >> I'm talking to very content people over here.
(32:39) [laughter] >> I am content. >> Wow. Wow. >> And content. [laughter] I'm sorry. >> Good God. Good God. Guess she's getting a little too comfortable, I guess. [laughter] Wait, but you want to find out >> exactly >> what exactly? You should have asked that question first. >> I'm waiting. [laughter] >> Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me just hold your hand.
(33:04) >> Yeah. What? What's happening? >> Do you want to answer now? >> No, I would not want. >> Would you want to find out about your soul? >> I'm not going to give the wrong answer mid threat. Okay, [laughter] >> I'm kidding. >> Okay, tell me. Tell me. Would you? >> Yeah, I would. >> [laughter] >> You want something to [snorts] >> never fail to surprise me.
(33:24) Okay, you find out who your soulmate is and it's like, "Oh my god, this person is perfect for Rohit." Like you said, Okanu, >> you know, I don't want to date right now because I need someone who has been there, done that, who just knows what she wants. And Ku, you found me. >> Yeah. See, because because see, I'll tell you why. Okay.
(33:43) I will know that that soulmate. Okay. probably if it's not you, if it's someone else out there. >> Yeah. >> You know, I'd like to know about them >> and do what with it? >> Because I would like to know what the universe considers to be my soulmate. >> Do you know the slippery slope that is? >> No.
(34:01) No. I have enough faith in me to not act on it. >> It's not about you. It's about >> She doesn't know that I'm her soulmate. I know she's my soulmate. No, you'll always have every time we have a fight which has grown which has which has grown. [laughter] >> Every time you argue >> I'm off to Iceland. Let's say [laughter] that's >> you never go to Iceland.
(34:20) >> Huh? >> Huh? Nothing. >> Okay. Okay. >> It's like that choice gives you it tells you that okay I have a BMW right now but I could have a >> Exactly. [laughter] >> So convenient comparing partners. No, no, no. You are my Ferrari. Okay. Okay. Screw these beamers nonsense. >> No, no.
(34:43) But honestly, I get you're coming from a place of curiosity, but it is just like you'll always if something goes wrong, you'll be like, is this the right decision? Am I with the right person when I know this? Why would you put yourself up for like >> I don't know. I guess I can handle it. >> No, I think you need to watch that show Soulmates.
(34:59) It'll completely change how you >> What's the name of the show? >> Soulmates. >> It's called Soulmates and it's about all this. >> You need to watch it. >> At any point, did you think I was your soulmate? >> I say that so much to you now. That's out of love. >> It's out of love, but no. I It's endearing love, BUT NO. [laughter] >> NO, IT'S NO, I mean I mean, of course, I call you my soul because So, I'm like, okay, you're my best friend.
(35:18) You're my [snorts] husband. You fight with me sometimes like a sibling. Sometimes you just play dumb. But sometimes >> how she [laughter] be so nice in a in a streak of niceness. I'm like, okay, they're dumb. No, because sometimes like you're sitting and I'm trying to like do an ashara and you're just like not bothered just looking somewhere else but otherwise 90% you get where I'm at what my mood is like you know.
(35:43) >> Yeah. Do you think there's a right time >> to >> to get married? >> Do you think people need to wait for that right time? >> I do feel you should you should f you should wait I think you don't you shouldn't get married in your 20ies at all. >> What is the right time? >> 30s. >> Why? Because I think for me I can personally say I feel I was so lost in my 20ies.
(36:05) I was chasing just another image of myself and I had no clarity. I wanted to be everything and I was just trying to fit in spaces. >> I know people who are lost in the 30s as well. >> I mean I'm sorry for them and I hope they get some therapy because I didn't know. No because it helps you figure I I mean it I mean it in the most nicest way possible.
(36:24) >> Okay. Okay. You know what? I know you. I know you're not trying to be insulting. >> No, I did. >> But you came off that [laughter] way. >> No, >> others don't know you. >> No, I feel so bad for you. Get therapy. >> No, I mean, >> loser. >> No, [laughter] no. I started therapy when I was like 29.
(36:41) So, that's what I'm saying. It really helped me unwind and like remove things that I thought were my personality and all of those things. When you figure yourself, you will be able to take a good decision on which person is right for you. >> Wait, hang on. Okay. So you're saying the right time to get married is when you have learned enough about yourself.
(36:58) When you have understood yourself enough to understand who you want for yourself. >> Yes. And what your worth is. Are you going to be married to someone just because you think you can't take care of yourself? Do you need someone to look after you? Do you need someone who can be a partner where you can hold your ground, do things yourself, but you just need a companion to come home to? What if what if let's say you have met that person >> m >> and you know this is the right person >> then why not >> circumstances like how let's say for
(37:25) example how we start circumstances >> how we started I was working I was spending money I was living paycheck to paycheck yeah you were struggling as an actress and for me in my head >> at least I had a mindset key there's at least a certain amount you need >> yes and again we were completely on the same page with that remember the number that we spoke of >> five lakhs >> we both agreed that We should have at least 55 lakhs each >> in our accounts.
(37:50) >> In our accounts to be able to as a cushion. >> Yes. >> Yeah. >> And uh yes, money is a huge factor. >> But and the partner is vibing with you, >> that person needs to have ambition. Even if you don't have a drive, >> you need to have a drive. >> Yeah. Otherwise, you're you're you're asking for it. >> Yeah. You for me, that is it.
(38:10) >> I I'll tell you what changed for me. It's when we met your dad. Yeah. >> In your house. >> Yeah. uh he wanted to get like a understanding of what kind of guy I am or whatever. >> Yeah. >> And uh we spoke about scared as hell. >> We spoke about marriage >> and he changed my whole perspective and it was very scary.
(38:27) I mean I still don't think that's a good piece of advice to give people but he told me if you're going to keep waiting for the right time >> you will forever keep waiting. First take the step and then figure it out. >> Yeah. Look for us that is the opposite of how I live life. >> Correct. Correct. makes what he said makes. >> See, see for Okay.
(38:46) See, for they it would make sense. >> For me, I was like, >> for me too, I would be like, "No, no, no. I need to have that much money." No. >> I was like, "What is this guy talking about? How can how can I take that leap of faith? We'll take care of it later." No, >> I'm the worst. My first thought goes on the worst case scenario.
(39:02) It's always a rainy day for me. >> But then, see, in hindsight, that's what we ended up doing. >> And we got fortunate. I still have to say this. We worked really hard for sure, but things really fell into place for us. But also the same advice if you if now you feel like someone will give for like you'll figure I think that is not a good advice because >> that is bad.
(39:20) >> Exactly. So I think the advice that papa gave was obviously knowing and he had a good sense of he's this mature guy and he he's definitely seen potential and drive in you. >> Yeah. >> You know he would never like my father your mother will never say because they know what it entails. >> Yeah.
(39:42) the the entire dynamics are very different. >> That advice works when people have been together for a while. >> Yeah. [clears throat] >> No, no, no. Yeah. How much subjective of how much timeification? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> But they didn't know how long I've been dating him because I've been dating Rohit for this long because at that time they were not okay with it.
(40:01) >> Couldn't so strange for girls. They want they don't want any boyfriends. Then suddenly they want you to get married and you're like but I'm getting seriously in some way I think parents know that the kids are dating. They just in denial or they don't want to show the child that they know. >> My sister >> like if I if I ignore this strong enough it's not happening.
(40:21) >> My sister tells me you think we were fools or what and you think that you were hiding the fact that you were with Rohit because suddenly you're talking about things like astrophysics you're talking about planets. >> Your personality is changing. you you didn't know >> and I'm thinking I really gave it away all [laughter] >> you know >> those are those are my interests and I think your sister also told me like one day she one day Kanu comes home and she's suddenly talking about astrophysics and is there a god and all
(40:47) these things [laughter] she starts talking about outer space like what and then apparently your mom and her looked at each other and went >> she found a boy [laughter] >> she found a boy >> but yeah they didn't object >> but what okay what what was your idea of a date before marriage And now and what is the idea idea of a date now after marriage? >> Date to ideally it was that what you watch in like movies.
(41:12) You go out for a dinner, you dress up well, he picks you up, you get some dessert, you get back, >> you have to have to put your best foot forward. >> Yeah. I mean that's what even we did a couple of times. >> Yeah. >> But now date night is just >> what is it? >> So it's just like let's watch something. Let's just like order in just like chill, you know.
(41:31) First of all, you know, but one second. Let's do it now. No, no, no. [laughter] But one second. One second. One second. What I feel is we would love getting out. We would love putting that effort, but Bombay makes it really, really challenging. >> Yeah, Bombay is >> I really would love to go out with you, have a lovely dinner, and we do that when we travel.
(41:49) We have such an amazing time. I love to have two drinks and get and embarrass you. I love that. >> Yeah. In fact, something very funny about travel. I don't know how we managed to do this, but okay. See, there are two things when we travel. >> Yeah. You've seen us, we do everything. >> We are always on the go because we want to cover everything.
(42:06) We want to do everything. You know, a lot of people say, "Why don't you travel for adventure or or why don't you travel to rest or why, bro? Travel to party." I'm like, "Brother, you have one life. Why not do it all?" You know, and that's where we are on the same page. >> Yeah. No, but honestly, I've thought about it, you know, so many times >> as as a couple.
(42:24) >> Yeah. >> Great. you want to do all that, you want to enjoy whatever. >> But how many stories have you heard of couples fighting on on trips >> and most of the days just go by >> because of that fight. >> For me, I think with you and me, it's always been that understanding when if something has happened like enjoy this place.
(42:43) >> It's it's wild how that happens because I have never been that person. >> Yeah, me neither. >> I I need to solve the problem then. >> No, me. In fact, that is one of the reasons why I fell for you even in more >> because we need to. >> You were this you were another breed of men that I've met.
(42:57) Like I've never met anyone like you. Like initially with my exes if I'm bring up a problem and I'm like you know I didn't like the way you spoke to me or I didn't like what you did just brushed up you know like not talk. He's like no I want to talk about it. I'm like >> so I was very lucky I guess the bar was set very low for >> it was I'm sorry for men for girls to be with men the bar is very low.
(43:17) You have to bring >> communication is a bonus. >> Yes. Women can attest to that there are hardly men who want to confront and and you would tell me canu I can't put this under the rug. >> I can't I can't sit in a space stewing knowing there's an issue. >> There's something there. >> It I need I need to solve it then and there or figure out a way find a solution around it.
(43:40) Now when we're on a trip things change. >> Yeah. >> Because >> your fight happens. >> Yeah. Now you have to sit to figure out what happened, come to a solution that might lead to a bigger fight. >> Yeah. >> Whatever. Whatever. I don't know how. >> Yeah. >> You and me reached a place of zen [laughter] when we are traveling. A fight happens and and we both look at each other like [laughter] in in our heads.
(44:01) We're like, "Okay, but we have to go to that place and then we have to go there." Like we good. Let's go. [laughter] >> I don't know how that happens. We come back to it. We come back to it. >> We come back to it. But at that time I'm just like no there's so much you're going to miss and you want to be and it's and it's honestly not been that big that would have to take touch.
(44:19) >> It wouldn't it wasn't that big if it were I mean if it's something that big >> Yeah. >> then it's a different thing. It's it's those irritating small things. >> Yeah. No, but those are the small things that ruin trips. >> Yeah. >> It was your responsibility. You had to do it. Why didn't you tell me where where did you go? I I've noticed when I've gotten in that space, you'll be like you'll like take a big deep breath or you'll take a gulp and you're like it's okay, it's okay, >> it's okay. And at times where I'm also
(44:43) like >> arguments on a trip is like there's no one there. >> Yeah. >> Here when you have an argument, >> you think it's okay to go to like a family member or a friend. >> I'm going to be very honest. the fact that we make content >> our lives out there. >> I cannot go and confide to anyone because I don't want them to feel like fights happen, right? It happens if a person is in a corporate job.
(45:06) It happens in it's normal. It's universal. Correct. But if we fight and then we've put up a funny video or we've put up a cute moment. >> Oh, you're talking about our work. >> Yeah. Like people will be like, "Oh, it's all it's all fake. It's all fake." >> But that's work. Okay. So that's see see that is a misconception people have in terms of >> they can't differentiate it.
(45:24) >> That's what I'm saying. >> That's a misconception they have because that's our work. >> This is our life. >> Correct. >> We put out comedy content out there for the world to see. That's our bread and butter. >> But it's a very thin line. >> But in our personal lives, >> yeah, >> we probably argue about the script.
(45:38) We probably have an argument while we shoot. Dave has been around for so many of them. Look at him getting over there behind the camera. Bloody swine. Stop it right now. >> But [laughter] but what I'm saying is forget about the comedy sketches. Even lifestyle stuff. If I've [clears throat] made an if I've put up a real, maybe we've had a sweet moment and I put it up if things are not right and I confront it in a friend saying that we're not okay. I I because I think so much.
(45:58) I'm always thinking that you know how because >> you know what I'm trying to say, right? >> I think I think >> it matters who you confide in. >> That is also true. But I always like to be on a back foot with people. >> And I've also learned that I need to talk to my therapist. >> Therapist. Okay.
(46:17) But no, I'm very specific. I'm saying family and friends. So I I've I've seen I've noticed >> when it comes to family, >> they get very emotional about it. It's not >> fair to them also. >> Okay. It's very rare that family can be as clear headed in their minds as >> my family because my family doesn't see relations. >> Yeah. >> I've been brought up that way my whole life.
(46:39) >> Yeah. >> My mom, my sister, >> they don't see brother, sister. They don't see these relations. They see right or wrong. >> Wrong. But don't you think that's again common? Because my sister is exactly like that. >> It's not common. I'm telling you what this this what you what you're saying. It's not common >> because talking to family, you will never get a new.
(46:59) >> No, I'm saying isn't it so bizarre that even my sister in my family and my mother are like this. >> Very rare. Very rare. Because because >> they obviously >> if I go crying which I have done in my past even with you. I've gone to my mom saying, "Can you believe this happened?" And this is this is.
(47:16) And then she her first question is her first question is, "What did you do?" >> Oh, yeah. >> Because she wants to know what I probably did to get into that situation. >> And I give her a completely open story. >> Yeah. >> And if she finds out anywhere >> that I might have messed up in some way. >> Yeah. >> She'd be like, "As my son, I don't expect you to behave that way.
(47:35) Go apologize right now." >> Yeah. Normally what you expect >> is someone to just support me and >> you know but that doesn't happen and I learned that very early in life. >> Yeah. >> So I'm very glad that Yeah. I'm very glad that I was brought up that way. So family I know it's a safe bet for me. >> Yeah.
(47:52) I mean of course you can I can talk to about issues. >> I see but I still avoid doing >> Yeah. Exactly. You know >> somewhere at the back of their heads it's going to be there. Key this issue happened. >> Yeah. That pain. >> Now I might forgive you. >> Yeah. >> For them in their heads it's still going to be there. >> Wait a minute.
(48:06) that issue happened what happened they are still living it >> yeah you said >> I have moved past it >> that is what I'm saying >> with friends it's very very different it's very rare like let's say I can go to Dave >> and I think I can go to him because he knows us both >> very well yeah >> very well inside out he's not like your friend or my friend >> you know >> and I know him like probably koshik >> another guy a friend of ours >> very close you know these handful of people I can go to >> but if I just go to some person >> oh no no no
(48:34) >> you know like you had an incident with one of your friends. >> Oh my god. >> You know, because she Yeah. She went to that friend who just vent like, you know, this happened and can you believe it and this and that and she didn't expect that person to come back saying, "Oh, Rohit, yeah, he's a bastard." [laughter] >> And all of that.
(48:49) >> She's like, "Excuse me." >> Yeah. And uh saying that's what I'm saying that because that one experience and I anyway think so much about Lo in this with my friends and all that I just was like no, I don't think I would want to talk and I feel therapist. I'm sorry, but I'm just so pro therapy because it's helped me so much.
(49:07) In fact, my therapist knows him because of how long I've been in sessions with her. So, you know, when I talk about an issue, she knows exactly where you are going to be. >> Yeah. Something really funny happened. So, K's been doing therapy, right? And I, by the way, I believe that anyone over the age of 30, the second you cross 30, just do therapy.
(49:23) Whether you're the happiest person in on this planet or not, >> just do it. Because you never know what you have pushed down or what something that you're going through internally that might come up onto the surface at any point. Just get yourself checked. >> Just do it. There's no harm. But K started doing therapy.
(49:39) At that point, she had a few complaints about me. Every time she'd go into therapy, she'd be like, "Ruth's doing this and he's doing that and he's doing this." >> My anxiety was to you. >> Wait, wait, hang on, hang on, hang on. One by one, every single complaint that Kanu had, I worked on. I changed. I fixed. All of a sudden, he's working out.
(50:00) He's he's not partying. >> He's eating clean. Smoking has stopped. >> Yeah. >> She's literally sitting there before her session starts. Her therapist, she like, [laughter] >> "What do I talk to you about? >> What do I talk to you about? He's fixed." [laughter] The therapist like, "This is for you. The sessions are for you.
(50:23) This is not a bitching session about your [laughter] guy. Can you imagine? She was so lost like what do I talk about now? [laughter] So this is all you were doing >> initially. Initially then I got back >> my goodness. Okay. This like the biggest mis misunderstanding of uh of therapy I've ever seen come across.
(50:40) >> Yeah. >> How would you how do you deal with u misunderstandings? >> You know how I deal with it. >> Let the people know as well. [laughter] I mean it takes a lot for me to not be impulsive. I mean I am neurode divergent. I didn't know that this is actually a trait where I I used to think that why can't I hold my mouth? >> So what would help in a situation where there's a fight? What would help >> now? That's the thing.
(51:06) It's such a long process. I used to feel like a failure for not being able to control my mouth because I would say such hurtful things and go in that whole guilt trip of I didn't mean so much to understanding oh >> you are like this because of that then automatically my work over it became easier because I'm like oh >> I'm going to spitball I'm going to rant >> you're going to spiral >> I'm going to spiral so breathe or like diffuse before it was just like I don't have another way this is who I am >> it just wasn't making sense so that
(51:34) understanding of that trait and that who who the reason why I could be like this it changed so much now it's much much more I mean you can attest to that >> I can yeah see so what really works for me is if there's an argument >> I can't disengage like you >> and no I know you can't >> it's so harder >> you can't I mean I think it it boils down to you having you knowing the person who you're dealing with I mean you have to really know the person now I know if I engage with you at that point it's only going to get worse
(52:00) >> yeah but you also like I you're telling me for example you're saying that I should know the person that I'm engaging with That is very big of you to think that I have that potential while I'm triggered. That thought is only not there. That >> Yeah. So you're you're just >> my brain is they say that brains like ours have a engine of a have have race like a Ferrari with the brakes of a bicycle.
(52:24) brains like ours is whose >> with someone like who has ADHD with ADHD and you have so many thoughts racing at that time I'm not able to even process that he's my husband >> I love him this is an issue like it it I don't know how to summon that patience like just breathe >> you you want to live with him you love him >> yeah I there are a couple of things I started doing that really dropped the the number of fights and arguments that we would have like >> if I am in in that situation and and I'm forced to engage for whatever reason.
(52:56) I know it's going to go get bad. >> Yeah. >> Because it doesn't there's no solution there because everyone's just angry. People are just saying stupid things. It's just so full of nonsense and wastes a lot of time. >> I like to walk away. >> Yeah. >> And you somehow are that person that in that moment you fizzle down.
(53:11) You calm down automatically and when I come back we have that conversation. >> But what >> what really worked for me is the mindset that I had to change. >> It was very simple. If something would happen, >> let's say you dropped something and broke something. >> I'm not going to jump at that and go, "What is wrong with you? Why did you break that? What is the matter with you?" That is where the separation happens.
(53:33) >> It's a constant reminder key. You guys are a team. >> Team. Yeah. >> Okay. I know that you didn't break that on purpose. >> Yeah. >> But the second I say, "Why did you do that?" >> Yeah. >> Implies that you are a dumbass who wants to break things. >> Yeah. >> Which is not the case. >> Yeah. >> So, this happens even on trips.
(53:49) Let's say you forgot to get you forgot to carry a ticket, >> you know, or something or you didn't in the bathroom or you >> or I left my phone inside the lounge. >> Oh, are we going to keep listing the things? >> Oh, God. I'm I [laughter] I I for the love of God, I was like, how is this guy not screaming his lungs at me? >> Because that would do what? >> Yeah, I know.
(54:09) >> That would accomplish what? >> You'd panic even more. >> You know, you you'd stress out. We'd waste more time. And a big part of our trip would again go in a very shitty state. >> I knew you did not leave it on purpose. >> My brain >> took I took a deep breath and I'm like okay >> we have forgotten our bag over there.
(54:27) >> We are in the situation. What do we do? >> I just know in that point of time I'm running and it's like ku just run just run faster. And I'm like >> yeah [clears throat] it's it it's it's a wonder how everything changed the second the fingerpointing stopped >> stops >> and it became we are in this together.
(54:45) Yeah, >> that team thing >> a lot when the mindset mindset shifted that way. >> A lot of things just kind of fell into place. Now I'm dealing with things a lot better. >> Good. >> With a simple shift. >> But that's your therapy too, right? >> Yeah. >> Your therapy too. >> Oh, this is all me by the way. >> Oh >> yeah.
(55:02) I I have I I understood this by myself because I'm looking at that going like when you when for example you tell me like why didn't you do it? I asked you to do the laundry in my head. I'm like I didn't mean to. >> Yeah. >> You know like I it just didn't strike me, >> you know? but we're a team. And then that just came, it just flipped onto you as well.
(55:19) I'm like, wait, if she does something stupid, >> it's not because she planned to do it. She's not out there wanting to hurt me. You know, what kind of a marriage is that? >> Yeah. >> You know, so it took a while, but I'm there now. >> Yeah. >> So, a lot of our issues I've seen get resolved >> resolved >> in this manner.
(55:34) Do you have any uh uh tricks, tips for people like this or for me or do you do anything? >> No, I think I don't know. But of late if some issue happens I'm I don't blurt out like I used to. >> Okay. >> I've I've started keeping quiet >> taking that maybe going for a walk maybe even crying separately in the room. >> I think we've understood our our patterns.
(55:55) >> Yeah. I need to disengage at that moment unless it's something which is just >> you disengage. >> Yeah. I that's what I'm saying. Haven't I stopped? >> I mean yeah but you still engage. I do engage but it's not at all close to what how I used to be. I have so many times a couple of times I have gone back in my room and I've decided to go for a walk or I've tried to like you know cry it out if I have to because I get so furious.
(56:19) >> Is there a difference between who you met and who who I am today? >> There's a difference with who I am and who I was. >> Yeah. >> I'm just obsessed with that working on myself cuz I know then I can be a better person for you. You have a cause >> for myself. [laughter] First, first >> I'm working on myself so I can be a better person for you for myself.
(56:39) >> One second. [laughter] Yeah. Because then you can love me better and I feel good about it. >> So it's selfish. >> Of course it is. >> There's no selfless good deed. >> Yeah. So I think the reason the reason why I started therapy was because I didn't like the way I was showing up for you and the kind of stress I was showing the that started with I want to be a better human being because he's a he's a lovely human being.
(57:00) Why wouldn't I want to and you saw that >> lovely human being? What did you see in me when we met? >> Oh my god. He just wants tarif. Tarif. Tarif. >> No, I want to know. >> There was no tarif initially. So >> there was no tarif. Exactly. >> I didn't like you at all. >> Yeah. >> Found you very obnoxious. Listen to me. I'm here. >> And is you are that >> words that words that were never said.
(57:19) >> You are. [laughter] No, it's you don't say it. It's just you are that personality. >> My presence was saying it. >> Yeah. Just loud. But then there was another side of you >> that you didn't know. I was like, "Oh, that was like, [laughter] >> oh, >> that was also there. That was interesting.
(57:36) " And you didn't just say it for the sake of it. You were that person, which was a shocker. >> Okay. I think I think what what uh drew me closer to you is that the fact that we had a lot of shared interests. >> We had a lot of shared interests. We had a lot of shared values as well. >> That that we figured later. I mean, think about it. We met at a club.
(57:54) >> Yeah. >> At a techno event. >> Yeah. So we instantly knew we we had the same taste in music. I think that's so important by the way for a couple. >> For me it's very important >> to have the same taste in music, >> you know, because I see how I feel when I'm watching a Marvel movie. >> Yeah. >> And your brain just shut down.
(58:13) [laughter] >> I feel so disconnected. The distance I can feel even though on the same couch >> or when you're watching football and I'm not even >> Can you imagine? I'm watching the World Cup and she hasn't seen a single match with me. She hasn't even tried. Her sister has sat there and she has no clue about football and she >> does football.
(58:30) >> She just she she never follows. She doesn't do any of that. She's just sitting there. She picks a team and she's cheering. Yay. >> But that's a very on a general note. >> Oh, >> put a little effort. >> No >> effort in sports. >> A second. >> I can play games. I can play sports. >> Hang on.
(58:47) Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. There's a a little bit that you guys don't know. Before we got married, >> Argentina was playing France in the finals. >> No, we went for that match. Yeah. >> You dressed up. >> You know why? Because it was happening. Screaming, cheering, screaming. Was that the thing? Location. >> Yeah. Yeah. Like how cricket matches.
(59:08) We have stopped watching cricket matches because it there was a time where we used to go out and used to be like a whole thing. I don't really care. So if if we plan >> if there's like a final match, of course I will watch the final match if Ajit makes it. >> Ara, >> I will watch it for you. >> I I asked her, this is her knowledge.
(59:26) I asked her, "Who are you supporting? Uh Norway or England?" Holland. [laughter] >> No. And he's a lovely person as well. >> Lovely person. >> Yeah. [laughter] He interacts with he interacts with children very well. As we uh wrap this up, I wanted to know >> what >> do you like the way our parents handled this whole marriage thing of us being together? >> Very happy.
(59:52) Honestly, I at that time didn't wasn't able to say it. >> Yeah. >> But I knew you knew it. My because my family was feeling it. Like I had no interest in having a celebration because of mom not being there. >> Correct. >> There was no way anything for me would have any meaning. Like I would not want to go through that at all.
(1:00:09) I knew you could sense that very very strongly and I also think you understood my aversion to even talking about ceremonies and like rituals. In fact, I had my mahindi alone at home by myself and my sister like I was just not at all okay with >> that. But when I spoke to you >> when we had this conversation and I spoke to your mom, I didn't tell your mom about this.
(1:00:32) The reason why I didn't want even an intimate wedding, >> what what was the reason? Because of >> for me it was purely mom not being there. But when and you there was also the money aspect for the both of us. So for me the the taru how would I explain you what tarazzu is >> the scale was was definitely heavier on this side. >> Thank you.
(1:00:51) [laughter] >> The scale was definitely leaning on like I don't want a ceremony but then when your mom we spoke to your mom and she kind of got on board with it and I'm just like it just went so easy. Like I've always heard people say and there's always a big clash. There's always something. And I'm just like, bro, I don't know how this happened.
(1:01:11) We lucked out. We saved a lot of money. >> They were they were they were they were completely okay with the decisions you were making. >> Initially, they weren't. But I think your mother later realized >> my mom I'll tell you what, my mom >> that it didn't really matter. >> My mom has had an image since I was a kid about my marriage and how it's going to be. Yeah.
(1:01:29) >> And she always I'm sure mothers of many sons think the same way like oh my god when my son gets married it's going to be like this. It took a lot for her to get like to accept the fact >> that's not going to happen because I didn't want it and the fact that she did >> is a huge deal because that's how much I mean I know what it meant to her.
(1:01:49) >> I was I was prepared like like meeting like um >> you know like a wall being instructed by that >> but that's what I'm saying. I do not know. So when people come to ask me about how to convince our parents to do only a court marriage, I honestly don't know. >> I I just think you can talk to your partner if you both on board.
(1:02:07) I can just hope that you both have the words to be articulate enough to explain to your parents why you don't want to splur so much at a wedding, especially if you are spending for your wedding. >> My god, I I I I'm running out of things that we're luck we're lucking out. Like we're lucked out with the places where we've lucked out because I mean they don't even they're not even pushing us for >> having a child.
(1:02:27) I again I was like of course So always after some time the mother-in-law will be like okay listen >> it's a given you get married >> I'm thinking my father will tell me no I'm the one going out having a conversation and you people are not going to talk about it all >> exactly [laughter] you people don't care what she has literally you've literally called up mom and you've and you've asked her like aren't you going to ask us about kids >> and mom has said you guys are married you guys are happy it's your call you decide when >> and I'm the one who has decided okay I
(1:02:54) have to meet this doctor IVF like I was like why why am I doing this without anyone's pressure? Why why is there no pressure? It was feeling so alarming. >> But I feel like in terms of intentions because our intentions with ourselves has been so clear and so pure that I think things have somehow fallen into place.
(1:03:13) >> Yeah. >> You know that if there was friction, I'm guessing we would have met a lot of roadblocks. But I I I am trying to assess it as a >> I like to stay away from hypotheticals. I like where we are. >> Yeah. What do you think are like probably two three things that are important? I'm not even going to say for a successful relationship.
(1:03:33) >> No, it's it's a it's a myth. There is no successful relationship. >> No, there are successful relationships. >> You work towards it. >> Yeah. You >> you might have a successful day at marriage today. But >> even if you're fighting if you fight and you come and and you overcome the fight, >> it's a successful relationship.
(1:03:49) >> You know, there's no such thing as a perfect relationship. >> That's what you mean. Yeah, >> let's like what are like two three things that people should work towards having in a relationship in order to for them to have the best outcome. Let's put it that way. >> A is communication. >> 100% agree. >> That is everything and that's exactly where we had our strengths.
(1:04:12) >> Yeah. I mean >> there's nothing under the sun that we haven't spoken of. In fact, some of his exes were quite baffled that you have told me about your relation with them and you know and I was like >> this is this is actually this is actually a pretty cool story. So we have I mean our again our communication is extreme.
(1:04:32) I mean people don't do this and I know this because I have friends who are in relationships and they don't discuss these things with their partners >> and I've told you everything under the sun >> to a point where there was this there was this night there's that girl walked up to me at the bar >> and she was someone from my past and uh Kanu was somewhere away from me near the dance.
(1:04:49) >> I was in the front row dancing. >> Yeah. Right. And she comes to me and she's like uh oh my god you know like you're talking to me. Does Kanu know? And I'm like huh? Yeah. She knows every single thing that's happened between us. Yeah, absolutely. I've told her everything. She's like, "What? You've told her everything?" I'm like, "Yeah, I keep no secrets from her.
(1:05:05) " >> She actually came running to me and she's like, "I just don't know what to say." I said, like, why is it such a big deal? Like, I always assumed it's, >> you know, we assume that people should talk and they do talk, but the world, the reality out there is that people don't. And that's why she assumed >> that we hadn't.
(1:05:22) >> That of course he hasn't told her about me. >> Oh, >> and now he's talking to me. >> Ah, you know. >> Ah, so like >> Yeah. Exactly. broke the mystery right then and there. Nothing crazy was happening because you already knew everything. So, communication >> definitely >> right up there. And not only just because of knowing things about your past and stuff, but even problem solving. It's a huge thing.
(1:05:41) >> Oh my god. Yes. >> Huge player. Just talk, speak. >> Yeah. >> Find a find a way. Figure a way. Just figure talk. >> Suppose you have a fight and the first thing that is thrown into your face is the thing that you just discussed. >> Then >> that is that is a very messed up thing that you're talking about.
(1:05:58) that is using that >> that is you you have a partner who's willingly being vulnerable enough to discuss something with you and share something with you so that there's a closeness that is that has developed between the two of you. >> But what if that person in that vulnerable moment whatever he has shared >> Yeah. >> It's for you to know >> and to respect the fact that he's done it.
(1:06:18) >> Yeah. >> If you're going to bring that up in the in some other fight in the future and throw it in his face, >> then that person's never going to talk to you >> immediately. What you've done right there is shut the guy down forever. He will never open his mouth again. >> Guy, girl, both. >> Because you have just taken something that they have mentioned to you in their vulnerability.
(1:06:35) >> Yeah. >> And you have weaponized it. >> Yeah. >> That's the worst thing you can do to a person. >> Yeah. Don't do that. >> Don't do it. You want to open line, open, streamline communication between two people. You want to solve your issues. You want to get to a point where you both make this work together. >> Don't use that against each other.
(1:06:51) >> Yeah. 100%. >> Listen to what a person is saying and be there for the person. They want to be heard. Yeah. >> Right. They don't want to get attacked. >> Attacked. So that's the first thing for me is communication. >> What is for you? >> Good respected communication. I think this is where my second point comes in.
(1:07:05) Mutual respect. >> Respect. >> Mutual respect is very very important in a relationship. >> When either one shows disrespect towards the other, trust me, the relationship is doomed. >> It's not going to thrive. >> It's not going to thrive. If you say something to your partner, think think about it in this way.
(1:07:19) Can you say the same thing to your father? >> Yeah. >> If you can't, then you shouldn't say it to your partner as well. No or mother could be both ways. >> I'm just saying father like parent. >> Yeah. >> You know that's how it should be. >> Yeah. >> But my third thing >> attraction >> to keep yourself happy. Attraction baba. >> Yeah.
(1:07:35) >> Okay. Fathers sorry [laughter] >> like of course that is a pillar of >> Yeah. You keep keep the attraction alive. Flirt this that and everything. Yes. But I've seen a lot of people do this and uh it never pans out well. Your problems are your problems. Your issues are your issues. You are living a life that no one else is living.
(1:07:57) So don't, please, for God's sake, compare yourself to an other couple. >> Oh my god. Yeah, you said it. You said it. >> Don't ever ever do that. >> Inco, >> look at the way he's doing this. Look at the way she's doing this. Oh, brother or sister, you have no idea what that relationship, what the couple is going through.
(1:08:14) >> Yeah. And also behind closed doors, I feel just like how every human being is an individual being, every relationship is an individual Absolutely. Every relationship has its own DNA. You have your own thing going on. >> No one else is going through what you're going through and vice versa. >> You're seeing a happy face right now.
(1:08:31) They are laughing, joking. >> Trust me, I have seen behind closed doors what what hell is also going on. >> Yeah. >> You know, or maybe you're seeing them shout and fight in the front and you're getting very happy seeing that. But actually, they're the best happy. >> Actually, they're very happy. Yeah, that's true.
(1:08:43) >> And do you have any secret sauce? >> No, no secret sauce. Just these three >> these three things. >> Yeah. But if you guys have any topics or you have any specific questions that you would like us to discuss in coming episodes or or coming whatever, do let us know in the comment section below and we'll pick up some of the most interesting ones and >> you know why not we'll discuss.
(1:09:06) >> We'd love to have this communication. This at least is this the least we can do to have a two-way communication. >> Yeah. And of course goes without saying but do let us know what you thought about this episode. Did you guys have fun? Did you learn something? Whatever it is, let us know. Yeah.