Why Sex-Education must start before age 9? Ft. Simone Khambatta & Anju Kish @SohaAliKhanP

Why Sex-Education must start before age 9? Ft. Simone Khambatta & Anju Kish @SohaAliKhanP

Author Name:Soha Ali Khan

Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@SohaAliKhanP

Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hp8wl-Rvi6I





Title: Why Sex-Education must start before age 9? Ft. Simone Khambatta & Anju Kish @SohaAliKhanP

Author Name: Soha Ali Khan

Description: ALL ABOUT HER with Soha Ali Khan ft. Simone Khambatta & Anju Kish | Sex Education, Consent & Raising Kids In The Internet Age

When should parents start talking to their children about sex? And in a world where information is just one click away, can parents really afford to avoid these conversations anymore?

In this episode of All About Her, we dive into one of the most uncomfortable yet essential conversations in modern parenting: sex education.

From curiosity and consent to boundaries, body awareness, online exposure, and the pressure of raising children in the digital age this episode explores how parents can create safe, honest, and shame-free spaces for their kids to ask questions and seek guidance.

Joining the conversation is Simone Khambatta, mother and digital creator, who candidly shares her experiences navigating parenting in a generation that is growing up far more exposed, aware, and curious than ever before. She opens up about difficult questions from children, balancing openness with parenting boundaries, and why these conversations can no longer be delayed.

Alongside her, Anju Kish, founder of Untaboo and one of India’s leading sex educators, breaks down what sex education truly means beyond just “the talk.” From age-appropriate conversations and consent to body safety, puberty, relationships, and navigating social media influence, she offers practical, compassionate, and deeply relevant insights for today’s parents.

The episode also explores the emotional side of parenting the awkwardness many adults still carry, the silence most of us grew up with, and how normalising these conversations can shape children into more confident, aware, and emotionally secure individuals.

At its core, this conversation is about replacing shame with trust and making sure our children learn from us before they learn from the internet.

#AllAboutHer #SohaAliKhan #SexEducation #Parenting #Consent #ModernParenting #AnjuKish #SimoneKhambatta #Untaboo #BodyAwareness #DigitalParenting #ParentingPodcast #GenAlpha #SafeParenting #HereForHer

📍 Whoppl Studios

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Chapter Titles

0:00 – Coming Up
1:41 – Introduction
3:50 – Meet Anju Kish
4:23 – Meet Simone Khambatta
4:44 – “Mom, What Does F**k Mean?”
9:20 – What Is Sex Education?
10:01 – Sex Education By Age
17:07 – When Should Sex Ed Start?
22:22 – Starting The Conversation
28:39 – Simone On Growing Up
32:22 – Why Private Parts Need Real Names
33:57 – Parents Stay Calm, Don’t Panic
38:07 – Social Media, AI & Kids
49:43 – Parent Or Best Friend?
56:40 – Teaching Consent To Kids
57:35 – Sex Ed Age Breakdown
1:05:35 – Schools must Teach Sex Ed
1:10:20 – Talking To Kids About Rape
1:16:05 – Why Normalising Sex Talks Matters
1:18:44 – What Simone Wants Her Kids To Learn
1:20:33 – Ninna’s Question
1:22:01 – One Thing Every Parent Should Say
1:24:20 – Parent & Kid Quiz
1:34:50 – Outro

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Produced By: Soha Ali Khan
Production House: Any Content Experts Pvt Ltd
Creative Producer & Writer: Bhumika Jethwa
DOP: Anish Ajmera, Jimit Sondagar
Post-Producer & Editor: Yash Patel

✨ Follow Soha Ali Khan ⤵︎
Instagram: @sakpataudi
Twitter: @sakpataudi
Facebook: Soha Ali Khan

Transcript:
(00:02) When my daughter came to me, "What rhymes with luck and dark?" She's like, "Fuck." And I'm like, "Okay." I mean, sex is, I think, the most feared word in the world. I have gotten grief from other parents for this. Why does your child call this the penis and this the vagina? I'm like, so what do you want him to call it? A wee and a lulu.
(00:18) >> Mama, what is 69? >> It's the number that comes after 68. [laughter] And >> and I'm concerned that you don't know this. >> India, we [clears throat] have this thing. Oh my god, that auntie gave you a gift. Go hug her and say thank you. without considering how the child is feeling about you. >> Yeah.
(00:32) Yeah. My son said, "I want you to have another baby. Let the sperm worm go in." [music] And oh my god, the amount of people that have slammed me as a parent. Oh, your son is going to become a rapist. Unbelievable. >> This is an also an opportunity for you to say that babies don't grow in the stomach. They grow in the womb, right? They'll be digested if they're in the stomach.
(00:49) >> So, my children are very well aware that mama gets her period and when mama gets her period, it hurts her a lot. And you guys really need to be nice to mama during that [laughter] time. So we cannot [music] be a friend but definitely be a friendly parent. I always tell the parents now be the GPS system.
(01:04) You're helping them navigate but they are doing the driving. >> Men are going to want your body and the easier you give it to them the less respect [music] they will have for you. >> See education takes away the ignorance of a child. It [music] doesn't take away the innocence of a child. If you don't answer it they will obviously turn to the internet.
(01:20) Internet is a very generous uncle. Hey kid hang on. I'm going to show you some videos also of young kids today are watching porn. Unfortunately, [music] it's better that you tell them what sex is before they come ask you. >> So well said. This entire clip needs to go viral. [laughter] I love it. [music] >> So, a lot of you will know that I am a mother to a seven-year-old.
(01:45) And like most of us, I've just always thought that I am very well prepared for the questions that are going to eventually come my way. But one day something happened on our class mother's WhatsApp group and that really made me pause. One of the moms messaged a little panicked saying that her daughter had just asked her what the word fukk means.
(02:06) She was genuinely seeking help. She wanted to know how she should respond to her child. What should she say without scaring her or making the situation worse? And how can she explain what the word means to her? that message, it stayed with me because suddenly I realized that this is me in a very short time.
(02:26) Maybe not tomorrow, but sooner than I expected. And even though I like to believe that I am open, I'm progressive, and I'm prepared, I honestly thought that I had a couple of more years to deal with this question, but clearly I don't. None of us are truly prepared. That one message made me realize how important it is to have these conversations, awkward or not, because the world that our children are growing up in is not the world that we grew up in. Information is everywhere.
(02:55) Misinformation is also everywhere on screens, playground whispers, memes, YouTube shorts, and if they're not learning from us, they're learning from somewhere else. And that is why this episode felt vitally important to talk openly about what we often avoid. How do we raise curious, respectful, informed children when we ourselves are navigating discomfort? How do we answer when they come to us with really big questions? How do we teach them about their bodies, about boundaries, about consent? And how do we do it with
(03:31) confidence and with care? Hello and welcome to All About Her, a space where we have honest and meaningful conversations about women's health, wellness, happiness, motherhood, self-care, so many things. And today's episode is about a topic that many of us grew up in the absence of, sex education.
(03:51) So joining me today are two incredible women who approach this conversation from two very different yet deeply connected perspectives. One is based on expertise and the other on lived experience. One of our guests today has been at the forefront of transforming how India looks at sex education. Through her organization, she's reached thousands of children, parents and educators, creating safe, honest, age appropriate spaces to talk about topics that were once perhaps brushed under the carpet.
(04:17) She's Anjukish, the founder of Antabu and one of India's most respected voices in the space of sex education. We also have someone who speaks from the heart of parenting. She's a mother, a digital creator, someone who openly shares the joys and challenges of raising children in today's world, and also my very good friend.
(04:37) Please welcome Simon Kata, a voice that many parents look to for honest, thoughtful insights on conscious parenting. >> Thank you. >> Thank you both for being on this show. We're just trying to create some interesting, meaningful conversation on various subjects. And one of those subjects that I think, you know, are going to become very relatable for Simone and me, many parents who have young children, is that of sex education.
(05:01) Something I've recently started thinking about. So, I just wanted to dive straight in by asking my friend um who I know has two children, one who's seven, one who is going to be six. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Um have you had that there many awkward conversations. Have you had the one where either of them have come up to you and said, "What does FUK mean?" And if they have, how did you handle it? >> Okay, so yes, uh both have.
(05:26) Uh the first time it kind of caught me off guard cuz uh my son came to me, showed me his middle finger and said, "Fuck." I said, "Okay." I tried to like take a few deep breaths cuz I know I'm not supposed to overexaggerate my emotions in that moment. And I said, "Um, where did you hear that?" And he said, "My school, my my friend told me in school.
(05:46) " He said, "You are a fuck." I said, "Okay, firstly, these kids don't even understand what they're saying, right? They hear things and they >> So, uh, I took a moment. I said, "We'll discuss this later." Cuz honestly, I didn't know what to say. I was thrown back. I was not prepared >> for the answer.
(06:02) Versus when my daughter came to me and she was like, "What rhymes with luck and duck?" And I'm like, "I don't know." And she's like, "Fuck." And I'm like, "Okay." [laughter] >> By then, I was already kind of >> So, this was how much later after? >> Seven months. Okay. >> Literally seven months later. By then I was fully prepared with like how to respond and all of that and >> but have you got in this interim of 7 months had you got back to your son? >> Yeah [laughter] I did I did I did um I gave him really bad explanations as compared to what I gave my daughter
(06:32) because by then I had actually worked hard on trying to research >> how to respond. Uh so with my son I was like you know it's a very bad word and we don't use it and if you use it then people will think you're from a really bad family which is a really dumb answer to give him right >> because of course we never use it.
(06:50) [laughter] >> Okay. And then with my daughter I was like um she's like why do people use the middle finger? And I was like, you know, our um index finger is our pointer, this is our pinky, and then this finger means we're talking about someone's private parts, and we should not be talking about other people's private parts.
(07:09) And I was very proud of my answer. I don't know if you're GOING TO BE PROUD OF MY ANSWER, ANU, but I was very proud of my answer in that moment. >> I think as a parent, the moment you answer, you should just be proud of yourself. The fact that you are making an effort to answer. >> Okay. Awesome. >> And that's a good explanation.
(07:24) >> Amazing. >> Is that a good explanation? It is a good explanation. Yeah, you need to tell them some reality >> so that you deter them from not using that word. So maybe you tell them that it's it represents a genital or you could even say that it means wanting to touch somebody's genitals. It could even be that because actually the middle finger represents fingering, >> right? >> Which is a sexual activity. Right.
(07:45) >> Right. So you don't have to go that. >> I didn't know that. Did you? >> Yes. So [laughter] >> I find it very hard to accept ignorance. >> But I think I No, I didn't know. I didn't know that. >> In fact, uh just uh last week in the second grade session, we were doing body safety and this child suddenly stood up.
(08:02) Miss, what is fingering? >> Yeah. God. >> So um I said, "Oh, that's a big word that you know. How did you get to know?" I heard my sister talking to her friend. So the questions come up are coming up very fast and early. I think I was 22 so when I got to know where babies come out from. >> Wow. >> Yeah. >> Yeah.
(08:22) I thought I knew they came out from down there. I just presumed that they came out from the anus. I thought the urethra is too small. What else is there? I just thought we peed from the vagina. So I thought the other opening is the anus, >> right? >> And I thought that was having babies is such a shitty idea. [laughter] >> At 22.
(08:41) I didn't know how where babies came out from. So then she said okay do you know how they get in? Uh well I said my sex education was Milson Bones [laughter] but actually if you look at Milson Boon the psych sex education that you received from Milson Boon was and his um throbbing manhood entered her and then she the lava hot lava exploded.
(09:01) >> Oh wow. Nice. >> Okay. Now in hindsight you understand what it means. >> But at that point of time you kind of had some inkling of what sex was but you didn't really know. Right. Right. >> So I guess so at some point at that time I realized that you know conversations need to happen and whenever I have a child I'm going to be very open >> and can you tell us what is sex education and can you explain to us that it's actually two words? >> The term sexed is because of the presence of the word sex in it we scared
(09:30) of it right. I mean sex is I think the most feared word in the world. It's a threeletter word but the most feared word. I'm sure even if we the top honcho of any company or even the top head of any country we put a child in front of them who ask that person what is sex they start shivering in their bones it is the most feared word but I think uh uh if you remove that word from this term then it's just more easily acceptable and sex education has got nothing to do with sex till a certain age >> we don't even talk to a child about sex
(10:00) till a child a certain age >> I want to ask you that because you said certain age >> right For a lot of us who are parents to uh children, how should we break down sex education through the ages? At what age would it be appropriate to speak to your child about what? >> So then let me first decode sex ed for you. Yes.
(10:16) >> So sexed is it's almost like driving if I can say that. You know driving is not just knowing the mechanics of the car. It's also learning about road safety. It's learning about responsibility. So sex ed is just like that. There are hundreds of topics which come under sex. If you're talking to a child about bodies, that's sex ed.
(10:35) If you're talking about safe touches, unsafe touches, that's sex ed. Talking about puberty, that's sex ed. But not just talking about the physical emotional changes at puberty, but also teaching them how to handle um crashes, how to handle heartbreaks responsibly, how not to tease others, how to tackle the peer pressure which comes from the when you are an adolescent, all of that is sexed.
(10:58) And then of course talking about sex, reproduction, talking about dating, consent, huge topic, boundaries, >> healthy breakups, healthy relationship, sexing, >> uh how to be safe online, >> um uh pornography, masturbation, dos and don'ts, >> all of this is sex ed. And each topic, there is so much of depth and width in the topic.
(11:20) >> Yes. >> So if you say that you have young kids and what is the sex ed, you need sex ed from the time they're born. Uh I know our older children I mean my one child and your older child is seven. >> What should we have covered with them by now? And what have you covered with them by now? First I'll ask and then I'll ask you if you've covered it.
(11:38) >> Okay. >> So uh okay I'll say you tick. >> Yeah. Okay. >> Okay. I'll also tick. >> Okay. Um correct terms for genitals. >> Absolutely. And I would like to stop you there for a second because I have gotten grief from other parents for this that why does your child call this the penis and this the vagina? I'm like so what do you want him to call it? A wee and a lulu. Correct.
(11:59) >> It's not happening. >> So my mom my mom gets your child is going and saying my vagina is hurting. I'm like so what do you want her to say? >> Yeah. >> Wva. >> Huh? Wva. So sorry. [laughter] Are we learning? We're learning new things. Correct. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So for the for those who are watching um I learned from watching a podcast that Ranju was on last week that the female genitalia is actually called the vulva and the vagina is just the opening.
(12:22) >> So we're going to teach I'm going to teach that to my daughter now. >> Yes. >> Okay. So that's name of genitals done. Great. The difference between the male and the female genitalia. Have you shown them images? >> They've seen each other as brother and sister. >> Safety. What does safety mean? >> Yes. Uh safe touch.
(12:39) And >> it's not just safe touch. It's safety in general. Such a could you please explain >> it could be um in fact before we even touch upon safe touch and unsafe touch it's a great idea to teach them safety in general why do we wear seat belts why do we wear shoes for that matter why do we wear jackets >> uh you know we do so many things in our lifetime to protect ourselves which we don't even realize that we're doing it to protect ourselves >> yes these things will come up of course you'll sit in a car so you'll feel the
(13:04) need to say you must wear your seat belt some of these conversations about situations that may or may not arise so we may or may not have preempted it or got to it. >> Then the conversation on privacy. What are private spaces? What are public spaces? What are private acts? What do you do in privacy and what uh you can do in public? Right? >> That is very important.
(13:26) Bodily autonomy uh that they have a right to say no. Uh that is extremely important. They can choose how they wish to thank somebody, how they wish to greet somebody. Because in India we have this thing. Oh my god, that auntie gave you a gift. Go hug her and say thank you. >> Yes. Yes. Yeah, >> without considering how the child is feeling >> about I would like to say I'm guilty.
(13:45) Uh I would like to say I'm 50% guilty as far as that goes. There are times that I make the effort to kind of say would you like to >> uh hug but sometimes I'm like >> what is wrong with you? Go give her a hug. She's so nice to you, you know, and that's wrong. I get that. But that's how we've all grown up and actually >> it is a great way to show kind of affection and but today we stay we staying in such a world today that we just have to be extra cautious >> right >> uh and introduction to puberty by seven you should start introducing them to
(14:15) puberty >> so does that mean talking to girls about getting and boys about getting their periods >> uh it means just starting a conversation on puberty for example you can just if you're bathing with her for example or you're changing with her just telling your daughter that Hey, do you see a difference between your body and my body? What's the difference? >> Right? >> Ask her to talk.
(14:34) >> I'm scared of the answers that I should let me just comment on your body. >> So, my children are very well aware that mama gets her period and when mama gets her period, it hurts her a lot. And you guys really need to be nice to mama during that. [laughter] I wonder who made them aware of this. So, they don't necessarily understand what a period is.
(14:55) uh they know I that I bleed but I have not really dug deeper or explained further but it's just my way to like kind of get my daughter to give me foot massages. She gives great foot massage >> but I love Anju's answer to explaining what a period is to a young child. >> Please could you answer that? >> Well with a very young child where we don't want to talk to them about the egg not fertilizing and thus the lining shedding.
(15:20) So we just talked to them that um um you know a woman has a baby bag inside of her and this baby bag is for the time when she becomes older and is going to have a baby but till then this bag needs to be maintained. So this uh bag you know kind of creates a nice thick lining for this little egg which travels every month to the bag hoping to turn into a baby and this lining is there to protect this little egg.
(15:42) But when there is uh no baby that egg is not turning into a baby then this lining needs to come down and that is a girl's period and some girls go through a difficult time some girls have um you know cramps and uh you need to be supportive you need to be but at the same time when you said that your daughter knows about it do tell her that not every girl gets cramps >> because they grow up very scared that oh I don't want to get periods because it hurts >> right okay talking about what you just said I have to uh speak off topic right
(16:09) now I actually did a real that hit I don't know like 18 million views and it was a simple thing that my son said that I want you to have another baby and I said but how he's like let the sperm worm go in [laughter] and he saw some human body thing on YouTube which [snorts] was approved it was a child-friendly about the human body >> and oh my god while I had a huge part of the audience support you know the fact that he knows what a spermworm is and The amount of people that have slammed me as a parent and slammed him as a
(16:46) child for knowing the word sperm was unbelievable. Like to a point where I felt have I done something wrong? Like does my like have I ruined my child that he knows that a sperm that you know a dove doesn't come from heaven and put a baby into mama or whatever and that >> there there's something called a sperm worm and he called it that.
(17:07) I think that is the fear that a lot of people have is that when the child is not aware about sex or the concepts around it. If you and you want to educate them and you want to give them the accurate information, but are you jumping the gun? Are you telling them something that they're not psychologically and I'm not using the right terms, but are they mentally able to handle it? Is it too soon? Will you be making them grow up too soon? >> So, actually, it's not about whether it's too early, >> right? It's it's the source of
(17:36) information which determines the attitude. >> U say your you know your children come to you and ask okay we want to know what is sex. >> Now the way you answer that question will determine the attitude towards sex. >> Okay. >> But if you don't answer it they will obviously turn to the internet. They go to the internet checking what is sex.
(17:54) Now internet is a very generous uncle or auntie and we'll not just give them a description of what is sex but we'll also show them hey you know you want to see some pictures here. This is what sex looks like. Hey kid, hang on. I'm going to show you some videos also. Right >> now, that is what is going to change the mindset of a child.
(18:12) >> Right? >> And I have young kids. There was a fifth grader girl who told me uh my older cousin or older friend in the building told me that when you date somebody, you have to and pardon my French here, but we have to lick the penis of the guy. Compulsory lick the penis of the guy. Now a 9-year-old girl or 10-year-old girl growing up with the belief that this is what dating is >> her attitude towards dating is going to be very warped.
(18:39) >> Yeah. >> Correct. >> And how many of those kids will actually come to the parent and tell them that hey this is what I've heard. Is it true? >> Right. >> And so they'll just end up believing that. So it's not a matter of too early or late. And in fact uh research the world over states that the earlier you give child uh you know age appropriate information the child you take away the curiosity.
(19:01) So the child is just more responsible delays experimentation and factors safety much more seriously than other children. >> So what again sorry I'm coming back to that is what would you what would you as a sex educator think to be the appropriate age to introduce the concept of sex to children? What would that be? >> Today it's happening.
(19:21) This question is coming way earlier than it was. There's a clear distinction. I always talk about this fact there's a pre-COVID era and there's a postcoid era. Right? Co everybody was online. Today also they have a lot of online resources there they have to read. So they have been exposed to this term and also sometimes to porn.
(19:39) A lot of young kids today are watching porn unfortunately. So it's better that you tell them what sex is before they come ask you. And I would say today by age nine you should definitely introduce them to the concept of sex. >> Okay. >> And initially you just broach it as an intimate act between two people uh two consenting adults and maybe you can just introduce them to the concept of reproduction sex for reproduction.
(20:03) >> The pleasure aspect you can bring in a little later if you want. >> Sure. >> And would you suggest uh and have you thought about have you already had this conversation? Well, you did when when your son asked you that have another baby and the sperm worm did what would you like to tell us what how that conversation went? >> I said what is a sperm worm? He said it's a worm that comes out of daddy and then it comes into you.
(20:30) He didn't know how it comes into you. Uh and then it becomes a baby and I want another baby and it needs to be a boy. >> Right. >> And I was like okay. And I laugh and I and we we had a very healthy banter and I was like, you know what, let's put this on. Oh my god, >> it was it was wild. But again, I'm saying we had a lot of positives, >> but of course there are enough old school thinkers or like you said, I'm sure you know this better than all of us that the word sex is so taboo in this country that you know anything like like
(21:02) oh your son is going to become a rapist. I'm like what? >> Why? Because he knows the word sperm. Yeah, >> you know, oh, you are pushing your child towards watching porn. I'm like, no, it's actually quite the contrary. It's my child has the ability to come and have an honest conversation with his mother.
(21:21) So, no, you by not talking to your child are pushing your child towards finding out from other scary sources, right? I am the safer source of information than the internet, like you very rightfully said. >> And I think if that's the attitude every parent has, we would not even hesitate. We would not even think that oh my god I can't teach my kid this because what will the others say? >> Yeah.
(21:43) >> A lot of times parents tell me that we can't talk to our kids. We can't even teach them vulva because they will go and talk to their friends. Their friends will tell their parents. Their parents are going to judge our child and they're going to stop their children from hanging out with my child.
(21:55) So I don't want to do it. >> But how can you let that stop you from educating your child? >> I mean figure out a way of how you how to handle that particular situation. >> I thought about it. I was like oh god now these two are using this word so freely. Now what are other? But then I started talking to all the other parents and saying this is what I've taught my child.
(22:11) >> I said that's what I said. Find a solution to that problem but do not not have a conversation because you're worried about this. >> Oh, you make me feel so good about myself [laughter] right now. >> I want to know when we're going to have this conversation with our children. Do you say sit down and say so children I'm going to now tell you about the birds and the bees? Is there a sort of organic way of like you said when you sit in a car and you put on a seat belt that's an organic way of explaining safety to
(22:37) them? So how would you suggest approaching this conversation like sitting down one day and saying it's your 8th birthday it's your 9th birthday let's have the chat. You see there is no right and wrong. You can either do that have that one big talk though the ideal situation is that it should be smaller talk spread over a long period of time and uh look for teaching opportunities in your day-to-day life and there are enough of those opportunities.
(23:00) >> Give us some of those examples. >> Um you're watching television. >> Yes. >> A pregnant woman. You see a pregnant woman there. >> Hey do you know what's inside her baby? What's inside her tummy or her womb? Do you know that how it got in there? M >> and this is an also an opportunity for you to say that babies don't grow in the stomach.
(23:16) >> In the stomach, right? >> They grow in the womb, right? They'll be digested if they're in the stomach. >> That's a [laughter] terrifying point. >> Yeah. >> You're watching an ad for a sanitary napkin. Perfect opportunity. You're reading a book. You're watching the news today.
(23:33) The last one year, we've had news readers screaming about rape. >> Yes. >> And kids are listening to that term. >> Yeah. So many ask us in our you know on taboo sessions in schools that ma'am can you explain to us what is gang rape and these are like third graders fourth graders. So opportunities are there all around you grab those opportunities.
(23:52) >> Have you watched TV with [clears throat] your children where there's been for example a kissing scene? >> Uh yeah I think uh >> you know some children like somebody would maybe skip it, somebody would pause it, somebody would jump on their children and cover their eyes. So I feel like the one thing I am doing very consciously as a parent is ensuring that my children see me kiss my husband.
(24:12) >> No, they need to. I [laughter] just I mean you say it so passionately. >> It's so crazy how we've grown up like even a kiss is like a sexual tab. >> Is your husband consenting to this experiment? [laughter] >> Yeah. In fact, I make him do not have a choice. They have to grow up. It's not good. Kiss me for their good.
(24:31) [laughter] You're teaching them something. No, but then you need to ask for the consent before you do that. So then you're teaching them consent also. >> Ah, is it all right? Wait. >> Oh god. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Okay. I will do that [laughter] >> henceforth. >> Right. Right. So um so yes. So you're so you're passionately kissing your husband.
(24:48) >> I'm not I'm not passionately kissing my husband [laughter] but yes I make sure I hug and kiss and show that love [snorts] is we don't have to kind of you know >> shy away from it. Correct. I think anyway for so many reasons that's wonderful for because so many of our uh concepts about marriage and love and relationships and how we treat each other comes from watching our parents subconsciously >> and that what what she's doing uh is also a great opportunity that's again an opportunity teaching moment >> to tell your child that you don't kiss
(25:15) everybody on the lips the way I show my love to my mom would be a different kind of physical affection but the way I show it to my husband who's that special person is different so that's again an opportunity to have that conversation because a lot of time what kids do because we tend to kiss our you know young kids on the lips too and then they go to school and anybody they like they just grab hold of them kiss them on the lips.
(25:38) So it's important to teach them about this and that's a great opportunity. So today go kiss go kiss your husband today just to teach them >> I think already done. No >> no no but now with consent. >> Oh yes of course with [laughter] consent. >> He'll be like uh >> is there chatter in uh grade one about kissing? I'll tell you what the thing is right uh a lot of the kids while our children might be seven there's a lot of kids in their class who have siblings who are 9 10 11 12 so those kids have a lot of more information than our kids which is why I believe it's so important
(26:09) for us to talk to our older ones because they're going to get that information and a very warped Chinese whispery form of information >> if we don't talk to them about it >> absolutely >> um so they've spoken about crushes they've spoken about marriage. How do you get married? Why do you get married? Do I have to get married? Can I marry a boy? Can I marry a girl? And I've had these conversations.
(26:35) Um, so I really feel that talking about everything, even though sometimes I do get that judgy look from my friends like, "What are you doing? Why does your child need to know this? Like what's wrong with you?" I'm like, "No, >> my child needs to know this and my child needs to know this from me and it needs to be a very casual conversation, you know? that stop putting so much pressure on these conversations and just have them for what they are.
(26:56) >> Absolutely. >> Age appropriately. Of course, >> because even if there's that one child in a classroom who knows, everybody knows, >> of course. >> So, it's better you have that conversation. >> No idea what a crush was last year. >> No, now everybody does. >> And now everybody does. >> Shipping. >> Yes. Shipping.
(27:11) >> Now, what? So shipping is when you take a girl and a boy or you take two people and you ship them off which is I think derived from to where [laughter] I think it's derived from relationship. So they're in a relationship. I think it's what the basic modern equivalent of a girlfriend >> of two people. >> Okay.
(27:27) >> And um to take from your family if you have Karina and Se make it Sephina. >> Oh we used to do that in school like Karan and I was Siman. >> Yeah. [laughter] >> Yeah. In Kunal Sonel. >> Yeah. But that but that would have been probably 9th 10th 8th today it is in first and second grade. >> Oh my god. >> But what does it mean when even I'm saying when it's a seven-year-old and 8-year-old saying okay they've been shipped that is a concept that's an idea but what are they actually doing? >> They don't do nothing.
(27:54) >> They don't do anything. >> Even in the grade five or six they talk about dating. I said okay so what do you do in dating? >> Nothing. I said so but then you're dating. Yeah we are dating. So it's just the concept of dating which is >> married for 20 years. [laughter] >> I would like to say I'm 40 now but I went on my first date when I was 12.
(28:15) >> That time I had braces. I remember the movie and I remember telling and all we did was like our pinky fingers touched each other and I was like oh what's going on here? And that was it. But I was 12 and that was those many years ago. So I refuse to believe that uh kids are going to wait longer than that.
(28:33) going to wait but in fifth six it is just the concept of dating which is exciting >> right >> tell me because your approach is so refreshing so liberal so brave in so many ways especially in India in this current context where does that come from does that come as an active rebellion against things because not everyone knows you as well as I know you um so let them get to know you tell us about like your relationship with your parents when it came to discussing things like this >> so my mom is a typical Punjabi mother
(29:03) who refused to talk about sex, refused to talk about anything. >> But did you ask her? Did you go to her with >> No, because she was always so reserved. And I remember her telling me when I was much older that one of her friends had written her a love letter in school and she started crying thinking she's pregnant.
(29:20) Like I'm like, [laughter] are you nuts? Like what's wrong with you? Like who does that? versus my grandmother. My dad's mom uh Jewish uh very very liberal, always spoke to me about uh my body, her body, spoke to me about how men are going to as I was growing up, she spoke I I will never forget her words. I must have been 12 or 13 and she's like men are going to want your body and the easier you give it to them, the less respect they will have for you.
(29:50) So preserve your body and give it only to the right. So she was the only person in my entire family. I actually named my daughter after her. Uh her name was Serena and my daughter's name is Serena because she was to me the greatest woman that ever lived. Like you know she was awesome. She had no fear in talking to us about anything. And because of her I feel like I became fearless.
(30:11) >> Yeah. >> If it was my mother I would have been sitting under a table having these conversations. Sorry mom but it's the truth. >> And you and your dad because you're very close. My dad uh my dad always had open conversations. I remember when I was leaving for university, [clears throat] I was 18.
(30:27) I was going to New York and he got me into his den. Um and he was like, "I just want to tell you one thing. If you get pregnant, I will be your first call." I'm like, "I'm not getting pregnant." He's like, "That's fine. I'm just letting you know. If you get pregnant, I will be your first call." I said, "Okay." Which is great. It's It's great to be able to have that conversation.
(30:46) My mother was like, "What are you talking about?" you know. >> Yeah. [snorts] No, I completely agree. I remember when my son was going to university, I gave him some condoms and I said, "Okay, you know, I I know you're going to get it there, but I want you to practice wearing them, you know, so that in the heat of the moment, you don't know how to do it and you just have unsafe sex.
(31:04) I never want you to do that." And in fact, he came back from the university after 3 months with this large packet of condoms. He said, you know, in the school uh the university, they gave us this booklet sex clinic plus these condoms. I don't think I'm going to be using them anytime soon before they expire. You and Pops just finish it off.
(31:20) >> Wow. >> So, how [laughter] nice. >> So, uh you know what you rightly said, the conversations which open up at home are so beautiful, so open uh and you know that they will come back to you if >> in life they ever face anything. They'll be the first one like your dad said, >> make him the first one. >> Yeah.
(31:38) Yeah. I remember when I was in college and uh I think those were the times there was no mobile phones. Um, and we had landlines and we had a landline and a answering machine and we were sharing a house with eight 20 year olds. Actually, I was 18 at the time, 18, 19 year olds. And my mother had just become the UN ambassador for AIDS awareness.
(31:58) And so, she left a voice note, a voicemail saying, "You have to call me. It's very urgent." So, of course, I thought someone had died in the family. So, my all my friends sat with me and we called her and we put her on speaker phone and she said, "I just want to tell you if you're having sex, use a condom." And I was like, [laughter] Okay, thank you. I will call you later.
(32:13) Bye. Because she just had all this awareness and she was like, maybe I've not had this conversation and she's gone off to England. I should I should leave her a voice note. [laughter] Thank you. Um I want to go back a little bit because we touched on something I thought was very important about even when a child is young, tell them about the actual terminology of their private parts, >> right? >> Can you tell us about the safety aspect of why that's important? See the moment you t start teaching them these cutie
(32:39) you know pet names for their genitalia you are sending the message that there's something shameful about it. >> I mean we don't call our eyes Cece just because we see from there or we don't call our nose smell right? [laughter] Then why do we call it nunu because it seems like a cute little chusa something or a pee pee you know just because we pee from there.
(33:01) So you're sending the message to them that there is something shameful about this. So you can't talk about it basically. Plus if the child ever has to come and tell you that they've been inappropriately touched there, maybe your parents are not there and they need to convey to somebody else. Whoever is there, it could be a teacher, it could be a grandparent, they will not know what you're talking about, >> right? >> We've had parents, you know, call them cookie.
(33:22) How would somebody understand that you're being touched in your cookie or somebody wants to eat your cookie? That's what one girl said. >> There was one child who told me his mom, a boy who told me his mom has told me that his private parts are called Eiffel Tower. Wow. A great sense of humor. >> Correct. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> But uh you're compromising the safety of your child when you do that.
(33:43) >> Plus, they are when they don't know the names or they're not comfortable saying the name, they are going to pick up slang words, >> right? >> Because they're not comfortable saying it, calling it a penis or a valva. So, the dick or any other word more crassier sounds very appealing and cool. What about um you know when for example this question that I started off uh today's episode with is um so if someone says what does FUK mean you have to explain to them there's information but there's also sometimes an absence of awareness
(34:10) or education so how do you bridge that gap when it's a young mind you're talking to you're explaining to them these ideas without overwhelming them or the right amount of education with the information >> I think the first thing I would say to a parent is have a very calm demeanor No right you may die inside when the child suddenly comes to you but have a complete Buddha look >> right >> you know because the child will pick up on >> will pick up on your look and whether the child comes back to you with the next question or not really depends on
(34:40) whether you have a very judgmental look on your face angry look on your face or embarrassed look for that matter if you have embarrassed face they'll keep coming back to you because they love >> make awkward yeah so first have a very very calm um you know demeanor um ask the child where they've heard it but again not in a very judgmental tone.
(34:59) >> They said, "Oh, that's a, you know, adult word and uh would love to know where did you hear about it from?" And then talk to them about the fact if you're talking about the F word, how you could address it is by saying that sometimes when people are very angry, they use the F word to express their emotions >> and then bring in your value systems.
(35:17) But in our family, >> we express emotions respectfully. M >> so you could you've boughten your values you've told them what it means tell them that this is word has become now people use it when they're very surprised when they're angry when they are something you know they can't fathom something they use keep using the f word but the literal meaning of the f word is something to do with the fact that I somebody wants to touch your genitals >> right >> now that's a very unsafe touch and is anybody allowed to do that or should you
(35:45) say that to anybody you're crossing the boundaries right >> so let's use respectful language when we are angry and Let's not use this just because everybody's using it, >> right? What about so some of us um you know it may not be Simone or myself but we may have grown up with a certain element of shame in our childhood.
(36:04) We may lack the vocabulary the context of you know a conducive atmosphere to have these conversations. So how do we try to break away from that and be you know break basically break that cycle and avoid passing down that sort of same shame >> I think so it it boils down to how much we want to grow as a person and we're constantly growing and evolving right um not necessarily the values that we were given in childhood we we still sticking on to those values values evolve yes >> people evolve values evolve cultures
(36:36) evolve >> so even in our culture if it was women were not wearing trousers long back. Today everybody's in trousers. Boys were not wearing skirts. Today you have boys wearing skirts too. So culture is also evolving. So if you feel you've been raised in that culture where you feel very ashamed or you feel that sense of shame, you have to work on um changing.
(36:57) >> Uh start with small steps. Start even just saying this word out aloud while start teaching the child the word penis or say it in front of the mirror a few times. In fact, when I do my parent awareness talks uh in a room full, they're all sitting and they're all sitting crossed, you know. Yeah. The body language.
(37:16) So, I said, "Okay, um how comfortable are you saying the word sex out aloud?" And they say, "Um, yeah, we are okay." We said, "Okay, at the count of three, let's all scream it out aloud." By the second screaming out aloud, they're laughing, hands have opened up. So, it's just about saying it and getting over it. >> Yes. >> And then learning how to talk to kids.
(37:34) I mean, today we are learning everything, right? We're learning. Um I'm sure we didn't know Instagram 10 years earlier probably. And you're a a queen of Insta today, right? >> Oh, thank you. [laughter] Trying >> in Chad GBT. All of us are learning. My >> new best friend. Correct. >> Absolutely. >> Completely. >> Absolutely.
(37:54) [laughter] >> So, we're making that effort to learn only if we think it's important. So, if you think sex ed is important, you will make an effort as a parent to learn. >> Yeah, I think it's important. Absolutely 100%. >> What about um so I don't even know now the terminologies. Do you know what Gen is next after us? Like what Gen are children? Yeah.
(38:14) >> Alpha. >> Alpha. >> Okay. So they're gen alpha and they're growing up with a lot more exposure than you know I certainly had with the reals like you said the um YouTube anime uh chat GPT AI all of those things. So how does that impact their understanding now of intimacy of empathy of all those things? There is a lot of exposure like you rightly said, right? Whether it's through anime or um the songs that they're listening to >> with the lyrics, >> the lyrics >> and they're singing those lyrics and you know, >> my mom just asked me the other day, my
(38:44) daughter is listening to this song by this indie pop one uh singer where the word uh mother f whatever xxx if it's edited out. Like I said, the mother word motherfucker is used there. >> Yeah. >> I my daughter's asking I'm telling her not to sing. She wants to know why. M >> now how do I explain to my seven-year-old child that what does it mean why you're not supposed to say it so these words are coming out to them from all across um kids are growing up with the belief that relationships are only about physicality
(39:16) because the games that they are playing right that what is that uh smash and pass >> I wanted to ask you do you know smash and pass >> oh my god no what is this >> we really I think we need to learn do you do you know smash and pass >> can you tell us about smash and pass >> so it's basically how we choose this and that.
(39:32) Uh or there's another game which adults play but this is smash and pass is okay they'll give you the name of a girl or a boy and say okay smash or pass. So basically whether you want to have sex with them or you want to be romantic with them >> date. Right. >> Right. >> So whether you want to be romantic with them or have sex with them. >> Look at the violence of that smash rob.
(39:51) >> Yeah. >> There's another one which they are using now which is pick me. >> Right. And what is that? >> Uh pick me is basically and even young adults are using that now. Oh, she's such a pickme, which basically means a girl who enjoys uh who leaves her girlfriends behind to be with the boys, >> right? >> And does everything to attract boys or be part of them.
(40:13) So, she's such a pickme. >> So, you know, they're learning all this terminology. If you think everything is related to physicality, whether it's relationships and you know, sex, it's everything is around that. what they're seeing on the social media, how relationships are being projected or even this entire thing where the nation has gone crazy with the proposals, >> right? Um it's like a marriage the way you propose.
(40:37) >> Yes. >> So that's what relationships to them is all about. But we need to have conversation and we cannot prevent this exposure. >> No, >> we cannot do it do anything about it except have conversations. And that's a super powerful tool we have where we can help them understand that relationship is not just this relationship is XYZ right >> so having those conversations is what is important exposure is always going to be there in your time it was something else in today's kids time it's something else next generation would have something
(41:04) else and it would always increase I I think uh right now like for you Simone what do you do in terms of uh boundaries when it comes to content viewing or YouTube or whatever you know the children are consuming content on one thing of course is conversations with older siblings. But what about media exposure? Do you co- view? Do you monitor? Do you set controls? Like what? Or do you just believe in trust? >> No.
(41:28) No. I definitely don't believe in trust. Uh because you can't it's it's out of their control also, right? Because the minute you're scrolling or the minute you're on YouTube, you even on YouTube, kids, one video gets over, next thing you know, some recommendation comes. And how do you control it? And I'm not when you when let's be honest as a parent when we give our children screen time half of the time we want to break.
(41:51) We don't want to sit and monitor what they're watching. >> So it's very clear um they are only allowed certain shows on Netflix or whatever it is on YouTube they are allowed stuff that is um like for instance Serena likes a lot of gymnastic shows on YouTube. So then we ensure that there's parental control. Karan does some now that's some tech stuff that I don't understand but she's only allowed to watch that channel.
(42:18) So he's on that channel. When you're on that channel the only videos that it'll recommend are from that particular channel and the remote is not in her hand. >> Okay. >> So if the remote is not in and no iPads >> okay >> no I mean unless we're on holiday. >> So this happens on the television screen. >> On the television the remote is out of the room.
(42:36) So you don't have you cannot change the channel. Uh so it's not that YouTube is not allowed. It is but with a lot of uh >> and how do you monitor it when they go out to their friends homes? >> We can't unfortunately we can't but I think uh right now at least the age that our kids are at >> uh the parents are >> but that's what I'm saying right now we're there but we have to be prepared.
(42:58) >> So it's going to be very it's going to be very tough once they go to friends homes >> unless we supervised by the nannies. >> Absolutely. Unless we as parents can, you know, be able to have without feeling awkward that, oh, she's going to think I'm nuts if I'm talking to her about this. Yeah.
(43:14) The parents should be able to have these conversations. You know, I feel like it's so important for parents of a particular grade to even come together and say that, you know what, I am not going to let my we're not going to let our kids >> be touch. We have to come together because over here my kids going to someone's house and they're playing games which I'm not okay.
(43:36) It's not that that's bad content, but it's just something I don't want to get my child hooked on to at this point, right? So then he thinks I am a bad parent because I'm not letting him have that >> and so many of his friends are allowed to. So it's always it's always >> so I feel like we as parents need to come together and set boundaries and like but how is that going to happen? >> Because what I [clears throat] loved about what you had said earlier was that one thing is of course to teach your child right and wrong but you have to
(43:58) also give them the tools with which to handle a situation, give them a solution. So for example, and I think your reference was with alcohol. If for example, somebody understands that drinking um especially too much drinking is bad and it's not is something that they don't want to do as an older child, but yet there's so much peer pressure and you feel of course the child will feel wants to be accepted, you know.
(44:21) So this can apply to alcohol to so many other things. It can be to watching a particular show that maybe your parents don't want you to watch but other children are watching or playing with a phone or being on Instagram. So one thing is of course to say no. You know that our rules are different, other house rules are different and you're not allowed to.
(44:36) So you just have to be strong and say no. The other thing is to actually equip them perhaps with certain tools such that they can handle that situation. And you had said like we do even now today as you know I do. I can say I'm on antibiotics that's why I can't have alcohol or that I'm driving that's why I can't have alcohol or there's or you can pretend to be drinking and you can put some soda and some something and say that you know I'm pretending to drink.
(45:00) So or when you hit 40 then you just say I don't want to drink >> and you can't make me but that takes a while to develop that kind of confidence and like I really don't care what you think kind of attitude. So one thing is to be sensitive to your child's desire to fit in and give them tools. So for example in a situation like this what kind like I know for example my child went for a play date the other day and there was a phone and they were playing with that phone and creating content.
(45:25) Now, they're not uploading this content, but they're creating content on that phone. And I'm still at this point thinking, should I speak with that parent? What should I do? I feel like when we start the school year, we all join a WhatsApp group. All the mothers and some fathers join. Are there any fathers on yours? >> I don't know.
(45:44) They're always so perhaps on that we can say, listen, as we progress through the years, my child, I have a certain um view on having smartphones. How many of you agree or disagree? So at least you know where everyone stands and then you know that your child is not going to feel alienated. >> That's the best way to do you know collaboration with the other parents.
(46:02) That's collaborative parenting if you can call it that but that is the best approach because otherwise you cannot but then the exposure is not just again from the friends or it can be exposure can come from any quarter. >> Yes. We had a mom talk about the fact that, you know, these two kids, her son and his best friend were playing in the room and uh she says, "I walk in to see them lying on top of each other and uh with their clothes, their t-shirts removed.
(46:33) " So I I asked them, "Hey, you know what? Why are you doing why you removed your t-shirts?" "No, we're playing house." She said, "Okay, why are you but lying on top of each other?" So the other friend had apparently seen his parents making out because he would go sleep with them. And now he's come home and told this boy, the seven-year-old about what two adults do in the night.
(46:50) So exposure can happen from him any quarter. >> Yeah. >> So uh coming back to >> so again conversation is the only solution. >> Yeah. So what so just said about this parented playd date and content uh my son was doing the same like and I think it's become a agewise thing where they think that all these young YouTubers and you know all of that for them it's more YouTube right it's all these YouTubers are creating all this all these fun videos and they're doing like harmless stuff like they're doing cartwheels and
(47:18) they're like oh look at me I'm so cool I'm okay with him recording like my son loves to take pictures of people he loves it he'll take his dad's SLR or a GoPro and he's like shooting pictures and he does a great job. >> I'm okay with that. >> He also understands that his mom is a content creator and that he features in a few videos.
(47:37) >> I have to take consent from my children for every video that I firstly they have to get paid. >> They know that they they know that it's it's crazy. But they also are very sure that I'm not going to wear this or I'm not and and I will lose the money. I will lose out on the brand. It's okay. But I will not do it against their consent because I don't want them to get angry with me about this ever.
(48:00) >> Right? Um so I've had many conversations about how it's okay for because mama can upload something mama is keeping you safe. You cannot go randomly. Why can't I have my own YouTube channel? >> Right? So I've had multiple multiple conversations about this. I'm like, when you are of a particular age, you most definitely can.
(48:25) You can share things that you love. You can share your football tricks and, you know, I'm sure you'll inspire so many kids or you can share how to do cartwheels. Cuz a lot of times, to be honest, when I'm showing my daughter videos on how to ace the perfect cartwheel, it is four-year-olds and 5-year-old girls >> that are demonstrating it on YouTube videos, right? And she is learning from them, >> and she learns really well from them.
(48:47) She's really done a good job. like even her monkey bars she learned from this group of kids called the ninja kids and >> that's how it happened. So there while there may be pros, there are very dangerous cons. >> And as a parent, it is my job. I cannot uh keep them away from it forever. But I can definitely restrict with not like, oh, you can't do this and you cuz that's never going to work and that's always going to come as backlash >> and they're going to do it.
(49:13) You're just not going to know. >> Exactly. So I feel like as just honest conversation, you may not like my answer and I tell my son that. But it is what it is. >> And also telling them the laws. Even what adults do, you cannot do as a child. You cannot drive, you cannot drink alcohol. There are laws around it. Let's not do that comparison because mama's doing it or somebody else is doing it.
(49:33) Why can't I do it? Even to be on YouTube, I'm sure there are certain restrictions, right? >> Of course, it has to be a parent approved channel and the parent needs to be very much a part of >> the child's, you know. >> One of the things I'm struggling with is that um my mother's constantly told me, I don't want to be your best friend. I want to be I am your mother and I want to be your mother.
(49:52) And I thought that there's some wisdom in that. And then for a long time I was being very friend friend with my daughter and saying you know you can tell me anything and you know I want to know everything in your life and you should talk to me. And then at some point I thought there's some merit in when she started speaking to me the way that she speaks to her friends.
(50:07) I was like hang on a minute. I'm not your friend. I'm your mother and I want that authority and I want to be that person who is a guide for you in many ways. So when you choose to have a very open, honest two-way dialogue with a child, >> how do you strike that balance between being if not a friend, but I don't know what the right terminology is, a friendly parent, but still retain some authority.
(50:31) >> In fact, I completely agree with your mom and I I strongly believe that we should not be friends with children, >> but we should be a friendly parent and more importantly an approachable parent. >> Right. So [snorts] what happens when we try to be friends and we think we are very you know we are that friends and we we say that we want to be friends because we want them to come and tell us everything. It's a trick.
(50:52) >> Yes. Yes. >> Yeah. It's a trick we parents use. >> Oh yeah I know. >> But if if I want to go and tell something to my friend maybe I'm crushing on somebody and I tell my friend you know what I have crush on this one. My friend is going to enjoy that. Say okay you know let's see if we can meet him.
(51:09) And you know the friend is this is what my friend is going to say. But if I go and tell my mom this, my mom will first pretend to be that friendly, that friend and say, "Oh, how nice, how cute. Yeah, crashes are fine." And then the lecture or the advice will come out. >> Right. >> Right. And friends never do that. >> Yes. >> So we cannot be a friend, but definitely be a friendly parent.
(51:29) >> Okay. >> And I like I said, be approachable. A child should know that they can come to you with any question. You're not going to judge them and you're not going to scold them. M >> you're not going to belittle them. You're not going to shame them, but you're always going to be there to help them see sense, see reason, or even enjoy whatever they're sharing with you.
(51:51) But that doesn't mean being approachable doesn't mean that you're going to agree to whatever they say, >> right? Because that's a fine balance. We also need to, you know, draw because a lot of times just because we want to be that cool parent, >> we tend to agree to a lot of things they say.
(52:08) Oh, I want to appear cool at my 16th birthday party of my child. I want to keep alcohol because their friends have kept alcohol. >> Right. >> Right. So, it's not about that. But being approachable means that your child knows they can turn to you at any point with anything and you're there. >> So, two questions. One, for example, Simone has a son who's seven.
(52:26) I have a daughter who's seven. Should we be altering our conversation at all in the ways that we speak to a a child who's a girl or a boy? >> I don't think so. No, >> I don't think so. The conversations are more or less the same. In fact, because the conversations are being altered today, there's a disbalance now.
(52:43) There's another disbalance that we are seeing. We're telling our sons not to touch a girl >> at at the age that your kids, you know, do not touch a girl, >> but we're not telling our daughters that that do not touch a boy. >> Right? >> So, when we lead these sessions in the school, the boys are like, how fair is it? The girls come and push us on the chest. That's our private body.
(53:05) part two. How fair is that? Because we are empowering our daughters but we're not teaching them that okay there are certain boundaries even in while we're trying to empower them certain things we're not telling them what not to do. >> I think we just anticipate our children might be potential victims. Correct. >> We don't think of them as potential perpetrators.
(53:21) >> Correct. And in fact that is something both parents or boys and girls do. We only are teaching them how to be safe. >> Yes. >> Are we teaching them how not to cross the boundaries of somebody else? >> Right. We are. How many of us are teaching our kids that? I think you are. >> I am.
(53:39) Uh in I was just on a station and there was a major saga. My daughter came crying, howling because while playing a game between all these kids, there were like multiple children there. um her brother in the process of trying to pull her pulled her pants down slightly and her underwear was seen by all the other children and she was highly embarrassed and she came there crying made a huge situation out of it and all of me was ready to go and attack my son till my son came and said but she did it first she's like but I only showed this much of his underwear and he showed my whole
(54:09) underwear >> so he's like but she did it first >> right >> and I was like okay let's breathe I had to calm her down first make her understand that >> but she was ready to throw her tantrum that no but he I'm a girl and he's supposed to take care of me and he should which is not fair. >> Yeah.
(54:30) Yeah. Then I think what we are teaching our boys also that you need to take care of girls. >> Why are we doing that? We again introducing that toxic or what it means to be masculine. Right. Absolutely. >> The stereotypes of what it means to be a man. You don't have to protect girls. Respect girls. Yes. >> I think that the narratives need to change and it needs to change at a very early age.
(54:51) >> Absolutely. >> Yes. Um what about the conversations the people having the conversations for example typically mother and father as parents uh do you think that you know if it's a son the father should talk to the son if it's a daughter the mother should talk to the daughter or it's it's whoever they're comfortable with.
(55:08) >> See conversations have no gender. So these conversations need to be ideally >> certain parents, sorry to interrupt you, but certain parents might feel okay this conversation I don't want to have because she's a girl. So you have it with her for example. >> So when you do that and I I I believe you'd probably be talking about periods when you're talking about that the dad will tell the >> or boyfriends or you know whatever.
(55:27) >> So when you do that you're actually creating a um you sending out the message that this conversation is shameful. >> Yes. >> Because you're keeping one parent out of it. That means there is shame associated with it. Then how are you empowering your child? Yes, >> the general conversation should be together.
(55:44) Then if the child feels more comfortable with one parent to have a more in-depth conversation, which could be more intimate or private, that's absolutely okay. >> But overall conversation should be had by both the parents. >> So well said. This entire clip needs to go viral. [laughter] >> I love it. Amazing. >> And in fact, if there it's a joint family, grandparents are there, make them a part of it.
(56:04) >> That's a very good idea. Even better. >> Yeah. Because otherwise there's always that I want to say something to my child. I want to bring them up in a certain way, but the grandparents have a different attitude. The child is confused. Do I use the word penis in front of my parents, but not to use it in front of my grandparents? >> It's so true because we may not deal with that cuz we live in as nuclear families.
(56:26) But I know so many families who live in a joint setup who are struggling. >> Yeah. You know, because the grandparents think that the parents are nuts if they talk so openly to their kids and they think they're ruining their child's life. You're destroying your child. >> Blah blah blah. >> There are so many things. I just want to go back to the idea of consent.
(56:45) So, how do we introduce that concept of consent simply to a child? How do we teach them about consent? >> See, when we think of consent or when we talk about consent, the first thought which comes to our mind is sexual consent. because there's so much chatter around consent in the society and films have been made on it right so we only think of sexual consent but consent is can be as basic as asking a child okay can I take this um can I take one grape from your plate >> that is consent >> so begin with that you know simple
(57:14) consent which you teach your child and your child starts understanding them you don't need to tell them that this is called consent if you don't want to >> um >> but once the concept sits with them you can apply that concept to anything because in the social context once they understand consent it's easier for you to talk about sexual consent or relationship consent as they grow older.
(57:34) >> Okay. So um earlier on in this conversation we spoke about the right age to introduce for example sex to a child and the right age to talk about the correct terminology for private parts. if you could because I think a lot of people who might be watching this would really want some specifics because it's helpful as just flags at this age have this conversation at this age have this conversation so if you could just briefly tell us perhaps chart that >> history for us >> three your child should know the correct
(58:04) terms for their body parts when you're teaching them these are your eyes nose ears teach them that what your private parts are also called that's very very important teach start teaching them the concept of privacy when you're changing their clothes, make sure you shut the door and change their clothes and tell them that, okay, we're shutting the door because what we're doing is a private act. We're changing clothes.
(58:25) It needs to be done in a private place. >> Don't confuse them when you take them to a super um you know, you're taking them to a mall and a store and you're making them try a t-shirt and you don't go into the changing room, but you said, "Oh, there's a queue. Let me just remove the t-shirt and change it." Then you're sending a mixed message to them.
(58:42) >> Absolutely. >> So, start with that. Um I would say four to six is the time to start teaching them about body safety. >> Uh teach with general safety then slowly introduce body safety so that it's accepted naturally and there's no fear associated with it. Talk about safe touches, unsafe touches. >> From 6 to 8, you again talk about safety but now you introduce other kinds of touches.
(59:06) It's not just safe and unsafe touches. It could be safe but unwanted touches. It could be ask first touches. It could be secret touches. So you start introducing them to that. Introduce them to what you should do when things like this happen. And the best way to teach a child is that is through games. >> Okay? >> Because otherwise it seems like lectures >> or you know constantly I'm being told about safety and I always love to talk about this play a what if game? What if you were I start with basic things.
(59:36) What if you were stuck in a lift? Um and what will you do? What if uh you're locked in a car? What will you do? What if you've gone to a cousin's house and you're playing hideand-seek? You're under the bed and somebody touches you on your private parts. What will you do? What if you're the last one in the bus? What if somebody shows you? What if in the school uh you go to the washroom and your friend tells me you show me yours and I'll show you mine.
(59:58) What will you do? >> So, play the what if scenarios. This takes me back to what I was um what you were talking about earlier about giving them the tools. >> Yes. >> Giving them the actual dialogues to use. I cannot have alcohol because I'm on antibiotics. Do the same with young kids. >> Is that in your book like the what the answers to these what if this happens? What should we do? >> Uh no it's not there.
(1:00:21) [laughter] I was just going to say can you make this into a game like we want the chits like we want to read like I can't always come up with >> so we are doing that we've in fact Antabu just come up with it's a prototype it's on conversations which you can have with your it's it's called antaboo talks >> and it's a conversation game which you can have with your child and it just opens up the conversation >> amazing I will be your first customer >> but you haven't played what if you've asked the what if this stranger gives
(1:00:46) you candy what will you do that one you've had >> I've actually not >> no okay >> no I just assume by now like they know that they're not going to >> or what if someone says you know I've got a lot of people I feel like if if a stranger comes and gives my kids like a whole because they've been so restricted >> is there any refined sugar in your candy [laughter] I'll probably ask could I know the ingredients and this would be kidnapp or run >> away actually when we teach our kids about the stranger danger >> it's a very oneway
(1:01:13) >> you're putting a fear of the stranger in them what if they are lost and they are somewhere all around them they only see strangers who do they approach because in their mind it is stranger danger. >> Don't talk to anybody. >> Don't talk to anybody. You have to teach them the concept of who could be possible safe stranger >> right >> and who could be unsafe strangers.
(1:01:28) >> So I've done that in the sense for instance when I enter an amusement park or when I enter any of those places I'm like look if you get lost if you can't find mama all these guards who are standing here all these security people any of the police who you may see please go up to them. They know my phone number.
(1:01:49) Uh both of my kids know my phone number. >> So tell them to call mama. >> Right. Right. Don't go up to anybody else. Just go up to somebody who looks like this. >> It's perfect. But that's also about safe stranger. But what about your child may not have met a friend of yours who say somewhere in US but your child meets the bhaji wallala who comes every day home.
(1:02:07) So the bhajiala who comes home every day is not a stranger. But your friend is a stranger. Then what? >> So it's not about stranger danger. It's about helping them recognize that feeling of discomfort when something happens. >> That is the most crucial bit. So that's uh 6 to 8 probably you do that and that is something which should continue 9 uh to 12 is we introduce them to puberty.
(1:02:31) You can introduce them to puberty much earlier also but 9 by 8 age 8 and 9 you should definitely have a conversation on puberty. conversations on sex. Usually um earlier we used to start at age 13 but today we are finding that younger and younger kids by age 9 all their questions age 9 and 10 their questions are all about sex and if you do not answer them >> you know who's waiting with open jaws the internet is waiting for them >> to go >> so introduce them to the concept of sex if you can by age nine take a deep breath >> the earth is not going to shatter the
(1:03:07) roof is not going to All >> that might just be like we already know. >> Correct. >> Yeah. Because of the older siblings, they know a lot more. >> Sometimes I wanted to actually first I want you to finish if there's more. >> So the depth of the conversations on sex can depend on their follow-up questions but just introducing them to the concept and it can be as basic as okay sex is an intimate act between two adults and that's it.
(1:03:34) Sometimes they just accept that >> right >> because they know that okay at least it's been voiced. you've not shushed them >> and they're just happy with that. >> As they grow older, keep adding more information to it because sex is like it's um it's like the foundation of a house. You brick by brick you build it. You build walls first and then you decorate it and add details in this.
(1:03:56) Xed is just like that. So you keep adding details. 13 to 15 it has to be a deep um talk on sexual literacy which includes pornography impact of it. It includes masturbation. It includes a sexual act, contraceptives, STI, um dating, uh laws around dating in India or intimacy in India, uh sexual abuse, uh what does the PXO act say, what are the pornography laws, all of that.
(1:04:26) 16 to 18 there's even a more deep dive which is on um um expectations what to expect from first time sex because they've heard stories and their expectation of sex is stemming from what they've heard which may not be accurate uh safe sex today when I do sessions with even 18 year olds there are so many myths that they have there are girls who are popping emergency pills uh after they've had oral Oh, so they don't understand that you can't get pregnant from >> sex with sex. Yeah.
(1:04:58) Or they even if they understand um you know they are using contraceptive these emergency pills just for contraception but they don't understand that unsafe you know unprotected sex can lead to an STI. So they're not even thinking about that. So 16 to 18 is a complete deep dive into more safety than anything else.
(1:05:19) And even 18 plus, you constantly need conversations, consent, um consent, gender, sexuality, um inclusivity, all of these conversations start from grade um 11 year onwards, >> right? >> Introduce them to it and then deep dive a little later, >> right? But tell me, it takes a village. So there are parents of course who have a hugely integral role when it comes to sex education with their children.
(1:05:43) And I think that we are definitely the kinds of parents who would want to have an instrumental proactive role in that. But um schools uh what where do schools and teachers come in into all of this? Do they work in conjunction with the parents? Would you like to be the first one to have the conversation with your children? Would you prefer a teacher to do it, a sex educator to do it and then you come in later? Is there a preference that you have? >> Like for example, great question.
(1:06:08) >> For example, I remember when we had someone in our school um administration who passed away. The concept of death had perhaps not been touched on by many parents with uh with their children and that's the kind of conversation that everybody has a certain personal bent to it when they talk to their children.
(1:06:24) >> I would like to be the first >> as a parent there's nothing better than to start off early but the advantage of having this conversation in the school is that all the kids get the same information. >> Absolutely. Absolutely. >> Yeah. You would give a different kind of a take on something.
(1:06:40) you would have a different take. But when they listen together is the same thing and because of that empathy arises, inclusivity happens and the teasing on bodies reduce. >> I feel like this needs to be a like a I don't know a quarterly activity in school with a sex educator after age school. >> We are very lucky if the school calls us once a year.
(1:07:03) >> Okay. Uh ideally it is definitely if not more at least twice a year schools should be having experts in there because you know with that one and a half to two hours that we get with the children we just explaining concepts to them then they have tons of questions we answering those questions but even if there are 40 kids in a class each of them ask one question even if you take one minute that's 40 minutes gone where do you have the time to explain concepts open discussions >> once a year is enough at all Because
(1:07:34) there's so many kids who are going to come from homes and backgrounds where it's such a taboo and such a shame that half that session of yours is going to go in people laughing and >> that icebreaking takes for them to settle down, get over their awkwardness takes a while. Exactly. And then and it's not just about giving the information and taking their questions.
(1:07:51) It's also about opening discussions. Like with young ones, we were doing a session on puberty. We took the girls separately. We took the boys separately. And then I always insist on bringing them together because having that combined session is the most crucial part. takes the shame away. >> It takes the shame away.
(1:08:05) They start understanding what's happening to each of them. Now after that session also we we do this activity with them sometimes in some schools which give us more time is perspective. We ask the girls tell us three things you want to tell the boys never to do >> and we ask the boys tell us three things you don't like what the girls do.
(1:08:22) >> That's amazing. >> And it's amazing what comes out and you think these kids are eight and nine year olds. You should be you'll be amazed at what they come out with. >> What are some of the things that have come out? Oh, you'll have um boys telling the girls, "Do not ship us." >> And usually it's the boys who are accused of being gregarious and >> you know seeing the bad using the bad words and all that.
(1:08:44) >> You'll have the boys telling can you tell the girls please do not have so much of attitude. [laughter] >> Oh >> that I fully get >> there. There are some harsh truths in there. So, let's not go there. What the boys say about what the girls because I think we all are probably guilty of doing those things too.
(1:09:02) [laughter] While the girls always have this with the boys that do not um shame us for our bodies, >> you know, peep into the girls washrooms and >> right >> so you know different schools, different kids, different things they come up with. But it's amazing how this perspective session, you know, opens up beautiful conversations.
(1:09:22) >> And these are questions that children are asking. They they're able to put their hands up and ask this in front of a room full of people. >> So we try to have request the school not to have a teacher present in the class because what happens is when we are there, they know that okay, we are there when we out of this class, they don't have to see us >> the next day.
(1:09:43) With you know, somebody from the school being present there, they feel judged. But of course the child safety protocols are there. So we need to have sometimes people present in the classroom. So and of course we do a lot of icebreaking. So they open up very quickly to us. But then we also have a anonymous question box called the curiosity box.
(1:09:59) >> Nice. >> And hundreds of questions come in over there. Hundreds literally hundreds. >> So people have questions sometimes. >> It's a Pandora's box which opens up the moment you give them that opportunity. >> And then you'll address some of those questions. >> We address all of them. I would love to be like a hiding behind the curtain and listening to all of this.
(1:10:19) >> I want to just um talk about one serious subject which is that of rape for example whether it's date rape whether it's um at a later stage I I it's something that I fear hugely um it's something that I don't know how to approach either from the perspective of my child being an you know an a perpetrator victim.
(1:10:42) How do you have that conversation? When do you have that conversation with a child? While you still try and maintain their innocence, uh, but you educate them, you inform them without scaring them. >> It's interesting you said the word innocence. >> Are we are we >> It's a loaded word. >> Are we talking about See, education takes away the ignorance of a child.
(1:11:03) It doesn't take away the innocence of a child. >> I think there so like >> we we use it interchangeably, right? And we all we all do this. >> Yeah. Whether it is tooth fairies and whether it's Santa Claus or whether it is these conversations right we talk about oh we want to retain their innocence but education will never take away their innocence it will in fact arm them to protect their innocence >> right >> so when we're talking about rape and these kids are hearing this term how many of us have actually sat down and
(1:11:29) explained to our kids what is rape because we know they've heard the term >> yes >> to a little child it could be as simple we've all speak to them about safe touch and unsafe touch >> so it could be as simple as telling a very little child that it is a form of unsafe touch and it is legally punishable.
(1:11:46) Then add more information as they grow older, right? And talk about consent there, talk about violence there, then maybe as they're slightly older >> and talk more in detail about uh even when you have to explain say gang rape which unfortunately so many young kids have asked us in our session because they've heard it in the news.
(1:12:05) So again it's it's about just touching upon their say that you know sometimes people um do not you know cross the boundaries of another person and touch their genitalia in a very bad way and that is an adult term for it is rape and sometimes when a group of people do that um it is known as gang rape. It is punishable.
(1:12:26) It's a very serious offense and if you ever feel uncomfortable and you feel that um you know you feel your body boundaries are being crossed please make sure you come and tell me and it is never ever the victim's fault. I think that's the most important thing to tell a child. >> Yes. >> Because a lot of times when children get abused they do not come and share with their parents because somehow they fear they'll be blamed for it.
(1:12:49) >> Yes. >> So that is very important. Give them analogies. Children work beautifully with analogies. Absolutely. You know things like okay if somebody a thief comes and drops something from your house so is the thief to blame or the person whose house has been dropped are they to blame? So in the same way if you somebody get touched inappropriately it's always the person touching who's to blame >> right >> so use these simple analogies which helps them understand the concept >> right I just want to ask you Simone as a
(1:13:15) an influencer content creator do you feel a sense of responsibility when it comes to creating your content to perhaps um normalize these conversations like does that come into your head space at all >> absolutely um you know a lot of times I know that something I'm going to say is going to lead to parents trolling me because yeah because they come from closed mindsets or they come from certain families that everything is a taboo and you know all of that like I mean I was I was I posted a real where I was wearing a bikini on the beach not
(1:13:51) like walking around the mall uh and my son was sitting next to me and we were having some intense conversation and I >> Oh by the beach yeah with the hanging out and you're chatting >> yeah well Not on I know what you're talking about, but it's not this one. It's the one before this. It was a little while ago and there was some little headings and it had nothing to do with what I was wearing or anything.
(1:14:12) We were just having a deep conversation. >> You are dress [clears throat] naked in front of your child. You uh everything leads to rape. >> Yeah. >> You know, anything like it can be talking about sperm. It can be wearing a bikini. It can be talking about the word fuck. It can be anything that moves away from the our culture, our traditions.
(1:14:36) You know, our culture and our traditions do not get impacted by us empowering our children with the correct information, >> right? >> About something as normal as sex. I mean, every single human who's watching this was born out of sex, >> right? So, like, let's firstly get over that.
(1:14:56) Um, but yeah, but honestly, so I think by now you know me well enough to know that I don't really uh care about the trolls as much as I do about empowering >> those mothers who will actually even if it's 5% or even if it's one mother, my job is done because we have to not be afraid of the haters or the all of that. We have to do our best to use our information to empower the next generation and to empower like even the Gen Z parents, you know, we're not as millennial parents, we're a whole different uh we are the first generation that saw the internet, right? We kind of
(1:15:34) grew up with and without the internet. I got the internet into my life when I was in grade 8, >> which was a very uh uh formative time. you know, I'm about to become a teenager and now I have and my parents didn't know that they need to keep me off ICQ and MSN and the chats that used to happen now when I look back I'm like there's no way my kids going through that >> you know it was a dangerous space >> but it was an we didn't know better then >> today we can help >> so why not >> absolutely >> but that's why I think it's so important
(1:16:05) that you're normalizing these conversations and I wanted to ask what is what are the benefits of actually normalizing this conversation on the children like tangible things that you can see in their demeanor, in their personalities, in their just becoming certain kinds of individuals. >> So, so before I answer that, I would love to comment on what she said.
(1:16:24) I think you're doing an amazing job. And uh you know the trolls, the comments of trolls, that's a teaching opportunity. If you have older kids, remove all those comments and make your child read it and ask them, okay, I want you to tell me does the way a woman dress does it lead to is that what leads to rape? Right? what leads to rape.
(1:16:45) Again, it's a great conversation opener, >> right? >> Because that's what we they've been hearing in society. Okay. The way you dress, the way you behave, it's always the women at fault. >> So, those are again great opportunities to, you know, have conversations with the older kids. >> Yeah. >> So, yeah. Uh coming back to your question, >> the beneficial impacts of normalizing these conversations on children.
(1:17:03) >> Crazy positive impact. I can't even I don't even know where to begin. >> Yeah. And I I'm just going to give you little snippets of things which have happened through the workshops that we do. We've had uh you know we in in the growing up stage typically age 9 and 10 11 the kids are super worried about their height.
(1:17:25) >> Yes. >> Okay. Very worried and they're teased in school by you know their peers about their height. When we start talking about the fact that puberty happens to different children at different time and there's a range right from 9 to 16 sometimes almost and you don't sneeze when your best friend sneezes. >> So puberty will also happen at different times.
(1:17:45) So there's no comparison somebody will shoot up earlier somebody will be short and somebody will uh develop breasts earlier have periods earlier. So do not compare. Suddenly you'll see that short person in the class a little you know sitting up down the street. Then you talk about the fact that height doesn't determine anything. Let's look at examples.
(1:18:04) Let's look at Sachin Tendulkar. Let's look at Messi. Let's look at K of Bollywood. Whoever they identify with, has it stopped them from being successful? Then a wide smile comes and they'll turn to the others and do that. You see that sudden change in confidence. Now this is a very very tiny part of sex ed, right? >> Uh body [snorts] positivity.
(1:18:23) Helping a child understand what they're seeing in the media is not reality, >> right? >> Yeah. Okay. Helping a child understand that validation doesn't have to come from outside. You are enough. >> Yeah. >> All of these conversations are so empowering. >> Yeah. >> So, and these are we haven't even touched upon the sexual aspect to it, but what relationships look like? Simon, if I asked you, what is the one thing that you hope your children will take away from like a teaching that they will take away from this education about
(1:18:54) their bodies, about their relationships, about sex education? What is the one thing that you would hope that they will learn from this? So hope is that my children are going to be uh confident and be able to uh be confident, kind and are a going to be able to empower their friends with the right information because their mom taught them well.
(1:19:22) And uh fear is um we live in a world where finally we can talk about mental health being very normal. >> And you know fear is of course um me not giving them the right tools that will eventually due to whatever reasons lead to anxiety or uh any other mental health issues. Uh and then they feel like they have no one to talk to.
(1:19:47) you know that it's my duty as a parent to ensure or to try I cannot ensure I can try and ensure that my children are never in that situation >> that is my fear and I will I'm going to do my best to work hard on myself and my parenting to hope that that never happens >> you know [snorts] you were talking about being a friend to the child I always tell the parents now be the GPS system to your child so the guide >> yeah you're helping them navigate but they are doing They're driving.
(1:20:16) >> Yes. >> And sometimes they will take the >> It's hard though with that. >> Yeah. But the GPS doesn't comment. Okay. They will take a wrong route. It will let it and then hey, you know what? You can turn back. >> Right. >> So be that GPS parent probably. >> There's a lovely analogies. Um so I have uh a friend Niranja and for every episode that I've been doing she has a question and it's usually an assumption and then we ask um usually our expert to debunk that assumption or not.
(1:20:45) So for this one she wanted to know that you know for example sex education for children she feels needs to be taught in conjunction with a trained psychiatrist given that in today's world you know there are so many identities. So is this true do you feel or not? So I see definitely the person who's teaching should be a trained person.
(1:21:04) I don't know whether it necessarily needs to be a psychiatrist because um a lot of people think a gyneak should do this. A gyneak will only talk about the physical aspects of it. Right? A psychiatrist will only talk about the emotional aspects of it. Okay? Whereas a sexuality educator who's trained for this will look at the physical, emotional, social, behavioral, all aspects of it.
(1:21:25) It's a complete picture. Sex ed is not just physical, >> right? And whether it's talking about gender um it's basically explaining concepts first and then you know opening their minds to the fact that giving them examples of uh diversity in nature and then you know talking to them about how this is talking about research as far as gender or sexual identity is concerned.
(1:21:47) So it's giving them the entire picture. >> So it's not necessarily that it's only one kind of person who can have this conversation. Maybe the parent can handle one aspect of it. Maybe the sex educator could handle another. It's always a collaborative thing. >> And for a lot of parents who are hopefully listening to this and who don't know where to start at all, I wanted to ask you what are perhaps the first three things that they should know right now.
(1:22:14) >> Okay. If you've never had this conversation with your child, >> go home today. Or if your child comes home today, apologize to them. Tell them, "Hey, you know, I'm really sorry. When you were a kid, I told you that you have a noo-noo. It's not called a noo-noo. [laughter] [snorts] This is what it is called.
(1:22:33) And I know it's awkward. It's embarrassing. It's even awkward for me because I've never had these conversations. But I think it's important and we need to have these conversations. Tell me how I can support you. Can I get you some books? >> Uh which you can read and learn and even I can read and learn.
(1:22:47) And I also want you to know that I'm there. >> And I also want you to teach me things. >> Yeah. Because the kids today, the vocabulary we just spoke about, right? >> Yes. >> Smash and pass, shipping, situationship, benching. >> Parents need to know this vocabulary. And I think the show adolescence really bring that up. Absolutely. Absolutely.
(1:23:10) Cuz I didn't know any of those. Like I didn't even know what these emojis mean. >> No need. >> We thought that >> an incel and all that. We need to understand that we don't need to go deep dive into their world because we'll never be able to by the time we are diving they will be somewhere else but at least try and understand that world and give them that assurance that I am there >> and also a great way to start conversations if you've never had these conversations with your child and they're rejecting it is to ask them hey
(1:23:36) you know what these terms you know this I've been hearing a lot of terms non-binary binary what do they mean can you help me understand >> the child is not going to say I'm not going to tell you >> yes They may do a push back when you are saying okay let me explain to you what a non-binary means they'll say okay I know please stop but if you ask them they will tell you that's your conversations opened up >> yeah any of which ways the idea is to open conversations >> wonderful I think that I've had uh I've really benefited from this conversation
(1:24:04) >> so have I and I I insist that this episode goes viral >> like because that is all it takes is when Simone insist >> Oh no thank you you've been what amazing parenting yeah both of you. >> Thank you. [laughter] >> We're doing our best. We're trying. >> Okay, listen. Now, I'm not used to being questioned so much.
(1:24:24) I'm used to being questioned, but I'm also used to asking questions. >> So, um, are you are you ladies up for quiz? Pop quiz. >> Oh, god. Quiz. >> Let's do it. >> Let's do it. >> I'm already sweating. I can't handle not being able to give an answer, right? So, I am very excited. >> I'm very competitive. I'm very competitive and I actually don't have these questions.
(1:24:43) You should have shared them with me earlier. Okay. Okay. Do you want me to do it one by one? >> No, it's a buzz around. >> No, just ask. I can include everyone because there's >> Let's include everybody in the room. >> There's some people behind the camera who I'm sure have also benefited from this sex education class, right? So, let's ask them also.
(1:24:57) >> Let's do that. Okay. >> Okay. I'm going to start with something very very basic. Okay. What are the male genitalia called? >> The penis. >> Penis and testicles. >> Testicles. >> I'm glad you said testicles and not balls. >> [laughter] >> I was I'm not even I was this close to >> Well, it's testicle and scrotum.
(1:25:17) >> Oh, scrotum. Scrotum is the the whole packaging. >> The whole >> No, like what is >> Well, scrotum is a a pouch of skin inside which testicles are housed. And because testicles look are round shaped, typically children call it and even adults call it the balls. But please teach them the correct terminology, it's penis and scrotum.
(1:25:36) >> Right. Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. What are the female genitals called? vagina. >> Yeah, that's what most people commonly call it, but it's actually the walwva. The vagina is an opening inside the walva. >> I did not know that. I didn't either. I actually taught my daughter vagina and now I'm going to go home and I'm going to tell her mama was wrong. I'm sorry.
(1:25:55) It is a vulva. [clears throat] >> Okay. So, the vulva and then it's just the opening. Okay. Got it. Got it. >> Okay. Um, can a penis be fractured? >> Yes. >> Does it have a bone? >> No. [clears throat] >> Oh, can it not? >> There's no bone in the penis. >> There's no bone in the penis. But it can also >> I feel like I remember like this one boy having this issue and he had can can a penis be fractured? >> I think you're supposed to answer the question.
(1:26:18) >> I think yes. Can the penis be fractured? >> No. [laughter] >> There's yes, no, yes, no. And one that sounded very like the voice of experience. [laughter] >> Yes. >> Whereas the penis can can be fractured. It's known as a penile fracture. Even though it doesn't have a bone but it's got a blood vessel when filled with blood it engorges tightens and that's how erections happen and uh if an injury to that that thing can snap.
(1:26:47) >> So yeah and it needs to be treated folks. >> Fantastic. All the men here have learned something new about >> Okay. Right. >> Okay. Give me um three reasons uh for erections. [laughter] >> I I don't blood rushes. >> That's a physiological reason. [laughter] >> Um the Arousal. >> Arousal. Yeah. >> Um, >> babies have reactions.
(1:27:11) Do they have arousal? >> Blood circulation. >> No, that is the physiological reason, right? Blood rushes. But what causes that blood pressure? >> No. >> Excitement. >> Arousal excitement. >> I don't know. This is a very tricky question. >> Anybody audience? >> I don't know. >> Fear. >> Yeah. All right. Wow. >> Fear. >> Fear.
(1:27:31) If your child is scared, anxious, nervous, excited. Well, IPL is going on last over five runs, two balls out of that excitement also. And flow, they could have an erection [laughter] >> really >> and most importantly during puberty they have erections for no reason at all. Very randomly and very frequently. Important for parents to know so that you don't judge a child when they get an erection.
(1:27:53) Don't think that your child is thinking sexual thoughts. >> Yeah, that is very important to answer. >> Amazing. >> Okay. I'm your you both have seven year olds. >> Yeah. >> I am for now your sevenyear-old. >> Okay. Okay, I'm going to ask you a question. >> Oh god, I'm sweating. Yeah, I know. [laughter] Oh no. Okay. >> Okay.
(1:28:09) Are you ready for it? >> Yeah. >> I've been listening to this song, Leila. Mama, why does everybody want to meet Leila? >> Oh god. Really? I think that I should allow my guest to speak because [laughter] I don't think the host is expected to speak so much in a podcast. Okay. Why? First, mama will take a deep breath.
(1:28:36) So, and mama will reflect. [laughter] I'm not sure. Uh, I'm going to dig deeper. I'm going to get you the correct answer and I'm going to come back to you. >> Awesome. Superb. Well done. >> Yeah. Because that's the truth. >> It's tomorrow. Mama, >> you said by that time I should HAVE CALLED YOU. >> YEAH. BUT NOW, BY now you quickly tell me.
(1:28:59) [laughter] Uh what what does one say? >> What does one say? >> I did this real on uh on Taboo Insta and the answers were hilarious what people have written and this was a real question asked by a child to the mom and the mom didn't know how to answer. But you can just say okay maybe Lara's a very interesting person and people want to have a one-on-one conversation with her.
(1:29:18) >> Yeah. >> See in our mind the sex >> we've made it sexual. >> We've made it sexual. >> This is the problem, >> right? >> Everything [laughter] the child asks is out of curiosity. But in our mind because everything is sexualized saying don't ask these questions. >> Why are you thinking about this? >> Correct. >> Yeah.
(1:29:36) Because my mind straight went to >> Yeah. That this is something to do with her behind this. Yeah. >> Mama, what is 69? >> It's the number that comes after 68 [laughter] and >> 70. >> But yesterday >> and I'm concerned that you don't know this. [laughter] But yesterday in the classroom the math some maths teacher asked what is 30 + 50 and some boy said 69 and they all started laughing but why were they laughing? >> Anju are you sure sevenyear-olds were being asked this question because right now we are very unable to answer.
(1:30:07) >> Yeah this is the most common question in grade two which is what 8 years >> which is you still have a year. >> Not really a few months away from it at this point. I would now what I would say is I would say that um uh when you are older I and I've I've honestly said this before and my answer can be completely wrong right now but I'm okay to okay to be wrong.
(1:30:31) Uh when you are older mama will explain all of this to you properly but for now please understand that sometimes when a man and a woman who really like each other uh hold each other in a particular manner that position is sometimes called 69. But to be honest, it's nothing that uh anyone your age should be talking about. So if your friends talk about it, you can tell them, "Yeah, it's fine, but we'll learn about this when we grow older.
(1:30:57) " >> Is that a right answer? >> Superb. >> Yeah. >> Are there any wrong answers? >> Sure. >> If you brush it aside, that's a wrong, right? >> And sometimes you can also add on that numbers are associated with lots of actions, right? We say number one when we want to pee, number two when we want to poop or uh we use other numbers also in that manner.
(1:31:16) 420 right >> nice yeah right >> yeah maybe our kids would doesn't know our kids might not know 420 but we know that number how it is associated with a cheat >> so in a way 69 is associated with what you know the perfect explanation she gave >> the perfect >> it is the perfect explanation >> so what you shouldn't be saying is oh kids laugh at the stupidest things and just ignore them >> you that's not the right answer >> yeah that's not the right answer you need to give them some explanation because today we cannot tell the child
(1:31:42) um you know ignore it they want to know what it is. In fact, um some dialogues, huh, uh this is not your age to know it. >> Yes. >> I will tell you when you're older, this is your time to concentrate on your studies. Uh dialogues like these, just take all of them, go to your toilet, put it in the seat, and flush it, >> right? >> They don't work, >> right? >> Because the internet is there to give them the answers.
(1:32:06) >> Then they just >> turn away from you. >> Absolutely. >> Understood. Okay, I think we're prepped for grade two. You ready for grade two? >> I'm ready for grade two. >> [laughter] >> Lovely. Thank you again. And this is something else you want to ask. It's quite fun also. >> I could be here.
(1:32:23) I could be here for a while. But this touches my life more than it touches your lives. So, >> okay, great. Um, mama. >> Oh, no. [laughter] Can you see mama over there, please? Just Mama's feeling a little hot. [snorts] >> Why do I have to call daddy a daddy? You gave birth to me. What did daddy do? >> Ah. Um it takes two parents like your father had a little bit to contribute.
(1:32:56) Um, [laughter] >> a sperm worm. >> SP that uh, you know, it can be can there be lots of [laughter] God. So awkward about these things that um, you know, biologically it takes a sperm and an egg to come together and create a child. And that the the mother is the home where you grow like in her womb.
(1:33:21) But that start of life happens when >> Can you interrupt at any point? >> Perfect. That is the perfect answer. I'm I am now the expert. >> And of course, of course, my my expression will not be so panicked when I speak. >> Initially when you spoke, you were nervous because you didn't know how to handle that. But the fact is you eventually gave the correct >> I mean I don't know what she was going to tell us.
(1:33:42) >> No, it's a permanent. [laughter] The most important thing is first have that calm expression >> which I will by then. Yeah. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> The Buddha expression, the Buddha look >> and we'll have air conditioning at that point which we don't on the set. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> And and if you don't have the right words at that point is not necessary to give an answer >> but you need to tell them that hey you know what I am so glad you've come to me with this question.
(1:34:07) I am currently not able to find the right words right >> u just give me an hour or give me half a day or give me a day and I'll come back to you with the right words so that you understand better otherwise I'll just be fumbling with my words and you will not get it >> understood >> take that time ask for that time >> and then come back frame your answer and come back to them >> okay >> but thank you thank you so much again >> and very informative for us >> yeah really informative and this is the cusp this is why I wanted to do this
(1:34:32) because we are at the cusp right now and we think that we've done such a good job because we've been using the right terminology. We've been ticking the boxes along the way and you know we're we're doing our best. Um and now is when we need some tools because you know things are getting more complicated. >> So thank you.
(1:34:48) >> A pleasure. Absolutely a pleasure. >> So this has been such a powerful and such a necessary conversation I feel because we really need to understand that sex education it isn't about corrupting minds. It's actually about preparing them. It's not just biology. It's safety. its identity, its empathy, its dignity.
(1:35:10) And I want to thank Anju for just the incredible work that you do. And I have to thank you Simone also for just being so open and so incredibly vulnerable as you always are. To every parent listening, please talk to your child before the internet does. We're going to be back next week with another conversation that is all heart, all truth, and all about her.