Why Is Love So Hard in Kalyug? Marriage, Heartbreak & Krishna | Nityanand Charan Das
Author Name:Aditi Govitrikar
Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@theaditigovitrikarshow
Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WuWyXrhvTo
Title: Why Is Love So Hard in Kalyug? Marriage, Heartbreak & Krishna | Nityanand Charan Das
Author Name: Aditi Govitrikar
Description: Why is it so hard to find love in Kaliyuga? Why do relationships change after marriage, and how do you know when you have tried enough?
Dr Aditi Govitrikar speaks with ISKCON monk and bestselling author Nityanand Charan Das about love, marriage, heartbreak, family conflict and faith in Krishna. He explains why he believes selfishness and ego make modern relationships harder, and why both people must keep making an effort long after the excitement of falling in love has passed.
They discuss what happens when couples keep having the same fight, when saying sorry can help, and why it is worth asking, “Could I also be part of the problem?” But effort has to go both ways. Nityanand Charan Das shares the pattern he sees as a relationship red flag and how he thinks someone can move forward after rejection or broken trust.
In this conversation:
• Why finding love can feel difficult in Kaliyuga
• What changes in a relationship after marriage
• How ego and selfishness can turn a problem into a fight
• When to say sorry and when to look at your own behaviour
• How to recognise a one-sided relationship
• What to do with the hurt left by heartbreak
• Why parents and children grow apart
• Why you can feel lonely even around family and friends
• How to begin a relationship with Krishna through listening and chanting
• Whether you can speak to Krishna when you feel angry
• How faith can help when bad things happen to good people
Nityanand Charan Das also talks about what we feed our minds each day, from the people around us to the content we watch. The episode ends with a simple gratitude practice you can try at home.
If you are questioning a relationship, dealing with loneliness, or wondering how to turn to Krishna during a difficult time, this conversation starts with those questions.
00:00 – Trailer
02:08 – Introduction to Nityanand Charan Das
02:45 – Why is love difficult to find in Kalyug?
06:19 – Peer pressure and short-term pleasure
09:48 – Satvik living and the three gunas
15:39 – How to change your habits
17:07 – Ego, arguments and saying sorry
20:45 – Why relationships change after marriage
21:55 – When a relationship becomes one-sided
22:59 – Dealing with heartbreak
24:36 – Moving on after rejection or broken trust
27:53 – Building inner strength
30:10 – Conflict between parents and children
31:55 – What families can do together
33:59 – How to begin chanting at home
35:14 – Why chanting matters in Kalyug
39:10 – The power of sound and Krishna’s name
41:39 – How to build a relationship with Krishna
43:22 – Why we feel lonely around other people
48:38 – Living with difficult people at home
51:11 – Can you follow bhakti and still love your family?
52:54 – Why do bad things happen to good people?
57:57 – Arthur Ashe’s answer to “Why me?”
1:01:31 – A daily gratitude practice
1:03:04 – Closing thoughts
LISTEN AND FOLLOW
Listen to the full episode on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2pmv...
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Transcript:
(00:00) Why is it so difficult to find love in today's day and age? >> First of all, conflicts happen due to Kaliyuga means kalaha pradhan yuga where for no reason there are quarrels, disagreements, dissension, hypocrisy. Before marriage wonders happen, after marriage you wonder what happened. >> [laughter] >> What changes is familiarity breeds contempt.
(00:27) So, after some time that that desire to please the other person goes away. We are not that careful. We also have to consider could I be also the problem? And by saying sorry, we are not saying that we are wrong. We are just conveying that we value the relationship more than being right. We always have the choice to win the argument and lose the person or lose the argument and win the person.
(00:52) >> What is that red flag or when should a person say, "Okay, this is a no-go."? >> Essentially, when there is only one person putting in all the effort. The other person is simply busy receiving but [music] not willing to reciprocate. And if this becomes a pattern, I think that's a sign. That's a red flag. >> How does one then take care of the heartache? >> Not everybody who joins our journey is meant to walk with us till the end.
(01:15) It's all about the internal dialogue. From why did this happen to how can I [music] move ahead? >> Coming to developing a relationship with Krishna. >> First step in spiritual life is hearing about him. So, hear from the devotees, from the Gita, from the Bhagavatam, his words, his [music] pastimes and gradually you will start developing that connection.
(01:38) And then you chant, the connection becomes deeper. >> You said yes, chanting is one thing but if for example, if I'm angry, can I speak to Krishna? >> Yes, you can definitely talk to Krishna as a friend. You can talk in anger, you can express your thoughts. He likes that kind of relationship and he reciprocates accordingly.
(01:57) >> Or we see bad things happening to good people. How does one navigate through that difficult point in life? >> Because we have a very stereotype understanding of what is >> My guest is Nityanand Charandas Ji, a monk, spiritual counselor, and an author who brings the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita >> [music] >> into the realities of modern relationships. Let's dive in.
(02:34) Hare Krishna. >> Hare Krishna. >> Thank you so much for accepting my invite and choosing to share your thoughts with all of us. My first question today is why is it so difficult to find love in today's day and age? >> The times are changing. The values have changed. Yuga we are living in right now, it is mentioned in the scriptures already.
(02:57) It is Kali Yuga. And Kali Yuga means Kalaha Pradhana Yuga, where for no reason there are quarrels, disagreements, dissension, hypocrisy. It is the effect of the age also that we are living in, and it is affecting everyone's consciousness. With the passage of time, our values also have been destroyed. And if we are not constantly working to uphold those values, then naturally they will be finished.
(03:29) They will be forgotten. It is the impact of the time. Plus people have moved away from spirituality, which is the foundation. Asking why relationships are not or love is not found these days is like asking why this building is not standing when we have moved the foundation, when we removed the foundation.
(03:51) So foundation is the key. When the before the Britishers entered India, till the 16th century, I mean, they sent a person called Lord Macaulay to India to find out the ways and means to conquer this country and he goes back and he tells them that if we really have to uh conquer this country, we have to break the backbone of this country, which is their spiritual culture.
(04:15) And it was systematically done, destroying the Gurukul system, misinterpreting the scriptures, coining the term called mythology. >> Mhm. >> How the Western powers have deliberately worked towards breaking families. >> Mhm. >> Through various movements, various means, and we didn't even realize that how it uh gradually entered India because we were so much enamored by the West.
(04:42) The evils of the West have also entered because there is lack of spiritual foundation, so there is lack of value system. >> Mhm. >> And uh because there is lack of value system, so we do not realize the value of true love. >> Mhm. >> So, selfishness has entered. And because people are selfish, they're only thinking about themselves.
(05:03) >> Mhm. >> So, if we instead of uh thinking, "How can I find true love?" if we can just shift our focus to how can I be the one who shares true love, >> Mhm. >> you'll end up finding it. >> Mhm. >> Because the law of karma is whatever you share, >> Mhm. >> that's what you get back. If you share selfishness, if you're selfish, you'll find those kind of people here.
(05:27) But if you're a true lover, if you really love someone, if you're looking for that true love, you may not find it, but if you're giving it out, >> Mhm. >> I mean, somebody might think I will lose by giving. No, nobody has ever become poor by giving. People are looking for love. Uh what can I get out of this relationship instead of they're thinking, "What can I contribute? How can be that source of happiness for my beloved, for this person?" Then I think everything can change.
(05:56) And selfishness has to go away. >> Yeah, the switch from self to the other and the focus to you know, give love instead of what am I getting or how can I get love will change a lot of uh dynamics in today's day and age. >> Stop looking for it. Start sharing. You be the one >> Mhm. >> who is selflessly giving, and you will find people like that.
(06:16) >> Mhm. That's what needs to change for sure. When one speaks to a Gen Z person, and when this concept is explained to them, there are two issues here that I see coming back from them. One is that there will be peer pressure not to be like this. So, peer pressure is something that is real and exists that, "Oh, okay, you're being too old-fashioned.
(06:37) " Or, "What do you mean that I should have only one partner?" Second thing is hedonism, or being hedonistic, that, "Okay, chal raha hai, chalne do. What is it What does it mean there will be consequences?" So, what do you have to say to that? >> It reminds me of the animal kingdom. So, in animal kingdom, there is no restriction.
(06:56) >> Correct. >> Right? And nobody can hold them responsible. And animals only act based on instincts. >> Mhm. >> And that's what we are doing. >> Mhm. >> So, human beings means there has to be some dharma, some righteousness, some purity. >> Mhm. >> And if you're not following that, we are no better than animals. >> Mhm.
(07:22) >> At the same time, nothing is imposed on anyone. >> Yeah. >> Our scriptures, our saints, they are well-wishers. They only think about our welfare. And they will only create awareness. But the choices will be left to us. And based on the choices we make, >> Mhm. >> then we get rewarded or punished. I mean, what is the ultimate goal of life? To be happy.
(07:49) An animal only thinks about instant happiness. And an intelligent human being should think about long-term happiness. And happiness comes by leading a very sattvic, pure, religious, righteous, and pious life. >> Mhm. >> I always give the example of a weighing scale. >> Mhm. >> Suppose you're engaging more in good deeds, you're leading a life of purity, sattvic life, religious life, sinless life, ethical life.
(08:17) There will be more weightage on this side, suppose this is the A side, the good side, then you will see that you will always be happy even if others around you are suffering. >> Mhm. >> Because uh you have done that good karma or you have led a very pure life. >> Mhm. >> Even with the least amount of effort you will become successful in your endeavors.
(08:40) >> Mhm. >> And the most favorable situations will keep manifesting in your life. >> Mhm. >> On the other hand, if you keep making unethical choices just because everybody else is also doing it, >> Mhm. >> it may give you some instant gratification, but because you're increasing the weightage on the wrong side, unfavorable circumstances will keep manifesting.
(09:02) And you will not be able to stay happy for long. >> Mhm. >> And when those consequences come, it'll be very, very difficult to manage. >> Mhm. >> So, what we can do is just be careful about the choices we make. >> Mhm. >> And teenage years, especially the youth, is the age of learning, age of creating a very strong foundation.
(09:23) Have some spiritual foundation. Um lead an ethical life because that ensures happiness in the long run. >> Mhm. >> So, weigh the pros and cons of whatever you are doing, and then do as you like. >> Mhm. >> That is the teaching of the Gita. >> Mhm. So, not to give in to impulses just for short term >> Yeah. >> Acting based on instincts.
(09:47) >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh you mentioned sattvic and ethical life. Um explain to us in simple words what a person should follow so that you are ethical and you lead a pure life. >> So, uh sattvic life means uh first of all, the Gita explains three gunas, sattva guna, rajo guna, tamo guna, the mode of goodness, mode of passion, mode of ignorance.
(10:12) And each guna also has certain qualities associated with it. So, whichever guna you are living in, you develop those qualities. So, tamo guna means uh suppose the food the kind of food we eat which is dead, putrid, non-vegetarian food that comes in the category of So, accordingly you adjust tamo guna. So, a food which which has been lying for hours after being cooked.
(10:38) So, that uh loses that satva guna. So, it goes into tamo guna. And then you develop qualities like lack of um a higher purpose. There is laziness, indolence. You could be violent. There's no sense of discrimination. As they say, you are what you eat. >> Yeah. >> Then if you eat food in the mode of passion, uh which is very hot, spicy, pungent, then you will have uh lot of desires, anger, irritable.
(11:13) Those qualities you develop. Then Then there's food in the mode of satva guna, vegetables, nuts, milk, fruit. And that satva guna is associated with greater sense of discrimination, happiness, and uh purity. And you like being good, doing doing good type of person. So, this is just the one example, food. The the music we hear, the content we watch, the kind of people we associate with, the kind of places we visit.
(11:43) Uh so, everything in this world falls into one of the three gunas. Depending on which guna we are associating with, we develop qualities accordingly. And accordingly the situations manifest. So, satva guna is especially associated with happiness. And even the time during the day is 24 hours are also divided into satva, raja, and tamo guna.
(12:05) So, early morning hours are satva guna. Night is tamo guna. Day is passionate, mode of passion. So, that means living a life means waking up early. Brahma Muhurta, at least by 5:00. >> Mhm. >> Which could be a dream for many these days. >> People sleep at 5:00. >> Sleeping early, latest by 10:00. >> Mhm. >> Wake up by 5:00.
(12:30) You You have good 7 hours of sleep. All the successful people who have done something in life, you will find one thing in common. They wake up early. >> Yes. >> The reason is because in the morning hours, it is in the mode of goodness. You You get You have greater sense of clarity, greater clarity. And your efficiency is much more.
(12:50) >> Mhm. >> And by the time the world wakes up, you're already 3-4 hours ahead of them. And that just waking up early also adds so much to your overall well-being in life. >> Mhm. >> You can uh take better decisions in life. Your health is good. >> Mhm. >> You can devote some time in in those hours for your spirituality.
(13:10) How you begin your day >> Mhm. >> will decide how your rest of the day would be like. So, living in sattva guna means sleep early, wake up early. At least try for 3-4 days and see how you feel. >> Mhm. >> Don't just blindly follow anything, but at least experiment >> Mhm. >> and see how you feel. It will be easier to give up your other bad habits also.
(13:32) So, this is one, living in sattva guna. Eat sattvic sattvic food, which we just discussed. >> Mhm. >> Avoid forbidden food. And there are four pillars of unethical life. >> Mhm. >> Meat eating. >> Mhm. >> Intoxication of any kind. Illicit affairs between men and women, and gambling. >> Mhm. >> Stay away from these four. >> Mhm. >> And guaranteed you will be happy, even if the whole world goes upside down tomorrow.
(14:00) But you will keep standing, blissfully smiling. Nothing will happen to you. >> Mhm. >> Because the law of karma is as you sow, so shall you reap. >> Mhm. >> That's why karma is compared to a seed. You sow a seed, you don't see the fruit coming out instantly. >> Yeah. >> But seed will fructify into that creeper and eventually give you the fruit >> Mhm.
(14:21) >> at the right timing. The only uh independence, freedom we have is to sow is to choose which kind of seed we want to sow. >> Mhm. >> Once it has been sown, then we have no choice. What fruit will come depends on the seed that has been sown. So, if you want to be happy, then speak in a way, live in a way that every choice of yours will bring future happiness, not future distress.
(14:47) >> Mhm. >> So, don't be after instant gratification. Think about long term. Don't be affected by your association. Don't try to prove yourself to the world. If some people get upset, some people tease you, some people make fun of you because you're not coming along with them to hell, >> Mhm. >> then let them go.
(15:06) And in this yoga, Kali Yuga, people who are pure, people like who are being torn apart by these choices, they want to lead a sattvic life, pure life. Please know, if you are listening that you will always be in minority. >> Mhm. >> But then know that real diamonds are also rare. >> Mhm. >> If you want imitation diamond, they are everywhere. They're very cheap.
(15:30) So, you be the real diamond. Real diamonds are always rare. >> Mhm. >> They are not found in wholesale. >> Mhm. >> So, you don't become a part of that wholesale. You will lose your value. >> Mhm. >> So, now to a person who is into this kind of uh immediate happiness, how does he or she put a stop to that and come back on track so that, you know, there is uh ethical living and sattvic living and uh long-term or bliss along the way? >> First of all, if you have the desire, you want to come back, then I would highly recommend finding a
(16:03) spiritual mentor. >> Mhm. >> Because only spirituality can give you that strength. >> Mhm. >> Just like if there is an enemy we are fighting against, we need physical strength externally. But for the inner enemies, we need inner strength, which is synonymous with spiritual strength. Only a person who is on this path can give you.
(16:23) So, find a spiritual mentor. And this was the system at the age of five only children were given a guru >> Yeah. >> who would guide them and help them develop a pure character, good character. And uh as we hear their words, we hear the wisdom from them regularly, the nature of the mind is whatever we hear again and again, whatever we are exposed to again and again, then the mind starts accepting.
(16:47) Then it becomes a part of our nature. >> Mhm. >> And they are the only ones who can lift us up. On our own we cannot, so and if we have not found one, pray to the Lord, pray to Krishna that please send one of your representatives into my life so that I can be properly guided >> Mhm. >> so that I can become an asset to society, not a liability.
(17:07) >> Mhm. Now, coming back to relationships, how does one navigate through that? >> So, a few things maybe I can mention here. First of all, conflicts happen due to ego. >> Mhm. >> Uh problems may be there, >> Mhm. >> but then a problem how it is handled. And due to ego, we keep blaming each other. And uh even when we sit down to talk, the biggest problem that happens is we bring the past also into the present.
(17:37) Instead of trying to resolve the issue at present, >> Mhm. >> we continue the blame game. That day you did this to me. That day you did this to me. No, that is not the purpose we are sitting here for. >> Mhm. >> We are sitting here to resolve. Okay. Okay, this has happened now. What can we do to move ahead? Both of them will develop positivity.
(17:56) >> Mhm. >> And secondly, when there is a conflict, usually we keep blaming, we think other person is responsible. We also have to consider could I be also the problem? >> Mhm. >> And even if it's just 1% fault of ours, we should apologize. >> Mhm. >> Because it just takes one person to to a humble position >> Mhm.
(18:20) >> and the argument and conflict ends. >> Mhm. And by saying sorry, we are not saying that we are wrong. We are just conveying that we value the relationship more than being right. Because in a war of ego, the loser is always the winner. It's better that we lose them. And that's how we win the person. You always have the choice to win the argument and lose the person or lose the argument and win the person.
(18:47) And this is the language of love. That the that I'm willing to be defeated by my beloved. Like in Vrindavan, now Krishna is the supreme lord. He has so much power. There's nobody more powerful than him. But in when his friends wrestle with him, he get defeated. And the friends are jumping, dancing, "Oh, we defeated Krishna.
(19:12) " And Krishna also has to carry them on his back. Uh because that was the condition. Whoever loses. When Krishna steals butter, Yashoda Mai, his mother, runs after him with a stick in her hand. He's running away in fear. It seems he's getting defeated. The one who makes everybody fearless, free from fear, is running away in fear because he likes to be defeated by love.
(19:38) So, if there is true love, if you really love the other person, there should not be any problem in being defeated by them. And always remembering that a difficult phase in a situation in a relationship doesn't mean the relationship itself is wrong. If there is a wound, if there's a cut on my leg, I don't chop off my leg.
(19:58) There's a wound, it needs to be just cared for. I just have to apply some ointment and deal with it. Similarly, a conflict, an argument, or a quarrel in a relationship doesn't mean the relationship itself is wrong. It means there is something in this relationship which is not right, which needs to be set right.
(20:21) Identify that and think about, "Okay, what can be done about it?" >> Mhm. >> And sometimes you bow down, you take a humble position, sometimes the other person will do as long as the relationship remains a priority. >> Yeah. >> And relationship is a two-way street. And the first principle is there should be mutual service to each other.
(20:38) >> Mhm. >> Don't think about your happiness. >> Mhm. >> Think about your partner's happiness. That is the first the foundational step. The moment we start thinking about I, me, and mine, it will fall apart. >> Mhm. >> Like when a boy falls in love with a girl, why are they so happy? >> Mhm. >> Initial days because they're always thinking about each other.
(21:01) Oh, what will please her? What will please him? Let's get give him his favorite food. But after marriage, that's why I always say before marriage wonders happen, after marriage you wonder what happened. >> [laughter] >> What changes is familiarity breeds contempt. >> Huh. >> So, after some time that that desire to please the other person goes away. We are not that careful.
(21:23) >> Mhm. >> And therefore then I, me, and mine, and that's how all the conflicts start. >> Mhm. >> But if both parties are only thinking okay, what will make this person happy and that person is thinking about yours, and you don't have to think she has to think about me or he has to No. >> Mhm. >> You should only be 100% focused on making the other person happy, and the other person also should be focused which is not what you should be thinking what the other person has to think about making you happy. If both parties are thinking
(21:51) about uh each other's happiness, there'll never be any conflicts. >> I want to ask you for your help. Every time this show grows, it becomes easier for us to bring you incredible people. People who are difficult to reach, experts we really want to sit down with, guests who can teach us something we've never heard before.
(22:12) So, if you want us to keep raising the bar, please subscribe. That one click helps us more than you probably realize. And hopefully we can keep giving that value straight back to you. What is that red flag or when should a person say, "Okay, this is a no go. I can't follow or I can't stay in this relationship anymore.
(22:35) " because there are times when it is required for you to step back and maybe protect yourself. >> Yeah. If you have applied all these methods >> Mhm. >> and uh and like serve serve the person trying to resolve the issue and not to blame you you tried your best other person is only thinking about I, me, and mine and not willing to kind of rectify and the behavior becomes like an ongoing thing.
(23:05) No change. And essentially when there is only one person putting in all the effort, the other person is simply busy receiving but not willing to reciprocate. And if this becomes a pattern I think that's a sign. That's a red flag then. That's not a relationship at all anymore. Because relationship, as I said, it's a two-way street.
(23:25) Both parties, the traffic must move from both the directions. >> How does one then take care of the heartache? Because that is a one difficult thing where a lot of people can't even get out of it for years. >> So, we need to understand this universe is not random. Everybody come who comes into our life friends, family, relatives, they're coming from the past life.
(23:49) This past life account. So, not everybody who joins our journey, joins us in our journey is meant to walk with us till the end. Whatever amount of time a person is destined to spend with us they will spend and then they'll move on. So, we have to understand, accept this principle of life that not everybody who starts walking with us will walk till the end.
(24:16) This is life. They will come, spend the amount of time that they have to, and they will go away because every soul has a unique destination, unique karma unique destiny, unique uh uh challenges, and uh that's all, unique journey. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. >> And always remember you are a soul, they are a soul.
(24:39) We just have these external bodies. >> Mhm. >> So, we anyways have no eternal connection with these people around me. They're just bodies. >> Mhm. >> So, they'll come, they'll go. Accept the fact, and uh they will leave you maybe sometimes to make place for somebody better in your life. >> Mhm. >> So, never lose hope. >> Mhm. >> As long as there is hope, we survive.
(25:01) >> Mhm. >> And whatever happens, happens for good. >> How does one then if trust is broken >> Mhm. >> or if somebody is rejected? >> Mhm. >> That is something again with it leaves a very deep scar on your psyche. So, you might come to terms with the fact that, okay, this person is not in my life anymore.
(25:26) But that remainder of, you know, the sediment that remains that goes very far with you, and at times people don't even get out of it completely. Uh how does one put a balm or a salve on this to soothe the soul? >> That time it's like you are in the middle of the quicksand, but the easiest way would be if you have uh some spiritual mentor >> Mhm.
(25:50) >> who can get you out of this. Because in those circumstances more than anything else we need wisdom. >> Mhm. >> And our scriptures are manuals for life. >> Mhm. >> They give us the eternal principles. Like when you buy a gadget, you get a manual. How to operate that gadget, which buttons to press, which ones to avoid pressing continuously or which just need to be pressed occasionally.
(26:17) And then there is helpline numbers also. Which numbers to dial when something goes wrong? >> Mhm. >> So, all the scriptures, all our scriptures have that knowledge. And when that scriptural wisdom comes into our life then we can easily get out of it. And all our scriptures are filled with that. >> Mhm. >> Like Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita, he was depressed.
(26:36) He was anxious. He was crying. He was trembling. Such a powerful warrior. >> Mhm. >> He was experiencing those same symptoms which any person who has had a heartbreak >> Mhm. >> uh would experience. At that time, Krishna first of all did not deny >> Mhm. >> his emotions. He simply gave him wisdom. >> Mhm. >> When he heard that wisdom scriptural wisdom, he came out of it.
(27:02) And then he said, "Now I know what needs to be done." >> Mhm. >> So, use every difficult experience as a lesson. >> Mhm. >> You can visit the past, but don't stay stuck there. >> Mhm. >> And that means Okay, this has happened now. What can I learn from it? >> Mhm. >> And [clears throat] secondly, what can I do to move ahead in life? >> Mhm.
(27:28) >> So, as long as we stay stuck in the past, why did this happen Why did this happen? Why did she or he do this to me? We will continue to suffer. >> Yeah. >> It's all about the internal dialogue. >> Mhm. >> From what Why did this happen to Okay, how can I move ahead? >> Mhm. >> As soon as you shift your mind's focus from the problem to the solution, you will feel much better.
(27:50) >> Mhm. >> And everything is a lesson. >> Mhm. >> That's why there is a saying, "You never fail. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you learn." >> Mhm. >> Learn from the experience. And don't waste time doing shok or lamentation, because human life time is very precious. >> Yeah. >> And every human being is blessed with the ability to make choices.
(28:11) >> Mhm. >> So, now make better choices, learn from it, and look towards the future. >> Yeah. >> That's why there is a saying, "Those who sweat in peace bleed less in war." >> Mhm. >> So, if you have cultivated spiritual strength through your sadhana, through your spiritual practices, when the times were good, you will suffer less compared to others.
(28:33) >> Mhm. Mhm. >> So, what happens is when you're chanting God's names, you're chanting Krishna's names, you're studying scriptures, you're associating with saintly people. So, it helps you build your inner muscles. And then that same situation which gave you so much pain in 10 years ago, now that same situation will still come.
(28:51) It'll give you pain maybe for 2 minutes. Then it'll just disappear. That's how spirituality works. Little by little keeps building our inner muscles. So, what we need is inner strength. Krishna has already explained in the Gita. We live in a world of duality. There is happiness, there is distress. If there is praise, there will be criticism as well.
(29:14) If there are friends, there will be enemies as well. Profit, loss. So, what can we do to deal with these things, situations? He says, "Tolerate. There's no other solution." And to tolerate, we need inner strength, which is synonymous with spiritual strength. >> So, would you say that equanimity is the next step to tolerance? >> Yes.
(29:32) But that's that's not going to be achieved unless you raise yourself to a spiritual platform. >> Yeah. >> So, Krishna explains in the Gita, "What do we get by serving God?" I mean, so so many times people ask. The The goal is you want to be happy. But we live in a world of duality. Situations keep changing. And that hurts you.
(29:51) So, Krishna says, "One who develops divine consciousness by his service to me, by his connection with me, by his contribution to the devotional culture, he develops equanimity. He will not be disturbed amidst any circumstances." So, without raising ourselves to a spiritual platform, we cannot not get affected by these apparent changes that take place in our lives, against our will.
(30:20) >> So, would you say in spirituality, equanimity is the highest goal? >> Yeah, kind of. Yes. That is the That is the byproduct. The real product is that you develop that purity of heart, that pure love and devotion for Krishna. And then equanimity is the byproduct. >> Coming to your source, which is our parents, there is a lot of conflict between people now, parents and children where you know, people have gone to courts.
(30:50) Even the parents have started going to courts against their kids. That also in Kali Yuga we are seeing that your parents or your source is very very crucial to move ahead in the on the path of spirituality. How does one navigate through this? >> So when such things [clears throat] are happening in families, first thing we have to ask ourselves if our children are disrespecting us or behaving badly with us, what have they grown up seeing us do? To our elders, to other family members.
(31:26) The children usually pick up whatever they see their elders doing, their families doing, parents do. They may not follow what you tell them to do, but they will follow what they see you do. So sometimes we have to question ourselves also. Have we been doing the same to our parents, our elders in front of them? What goes around comes around.
(31:49) If we have been like that, then we can't expect our children to be like those first class heavenly gods. We are responsible. It's not children's fault. They are like clean slate. So what culture have we given them? Secondly, when these situations are happening, as I said, a family that prays together stays together because that foundation is totally gone.
(32:11) Therefore, conflicts, quarrels, hypocrisy, disagreements, it is bound to happen. We can't survive. We can't escape this reality. So all I can say is just get back to your roots. Create a strong devotional culture at home where family members regularly come together, at least once a week if they can do. This may sound silly to many, but those who do it will be benefited.
(32:39) Make it a rule in your family that once a week all the family members will come together at least for 2 hours where they can take turns reading from scriptures like Ramayana, Mahabharata, Bhagavad Gita. They can perform arati to the Lord, to Radha Krishna, Sita Ram, Lakshmi Narayan whichever deities they have at home.
(33:01) Um they can chant, they can sing the names of the Lord because this is Kali Yuga and the only thing that can counteract the negative influence of Kali Yuga, which is disagreements, quarrels, hypocrisy is the name of the Lord. Wherever the name of the Lord will be sung and chanted um the name of Lord Hari, Lord Krishna there Kali will not have any effect.
(33:26) It's a fact, it is mentioned in the scripture. This is the medicine for dealing with these dissensions, quarrels. So family members can come together every week, which is not much if it can save your family fabric and keep you happy. Chant the names of the Lord. You can You can perform arati to the Lord.
(33:47) You all can cook nice food that day and offer it to God and then have it together. Spiritual food. And then you see how the whole dynamics of the family uh changes. Guaranteed. You will because when we come together uh for activities like these regularly, then a very powerful energy descends from the spiritual realm, which binds us together.
(34:19) So if people can start doing that, all these things will miraculously disappear. All that they are facing the challenges. Guaranteed. >> What is the simplest way of chanting at home? >> See, you don't need to be a good singer or you don't even need to have instruments. You can just clap and uh sing Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, Hare Hare.
(34:46) Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama, Rama, Hare Hare. So you can just all the family members can come together and keep singing like this. >> Mhm. >> And then on individual level the family members can every day spend some time chanting this mantra. >> Mhm. >> The chanting can be that it's called japa. >> Mhm. >> Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama, Rama, Hare Hare, like that.
(35:11) >> Mhm. >> So every individual can take a vow that every day he will chant two rounds. Two rounds is 108 into two. >> Mhm. >> Or you can chant four. >> Mhm. >> The more the family members take this responsibility on an individual level to do it every day >> Mhm. >> and collectively once a week the more love you will see manifest amongst all of them.
(35:32) >> Mhm. >> Every family member can take turns and see how that love suddenly begins to dawn >> Mhm. >> on the family members. The bond becomes much stronger. >> Mhm. Now you had mentioned that in Kali Yuga chanting is or has been is the only way. Why do Yagyas not work? >> So for example, you go to a doctor and you have some kind of pain in your body and he gives you a particular type of medicine.
(36:04) And 10 days later you go and he gives you another medicine. So you will ask him, but why not the same medicine? Because he says the symptoms are different now. Even though the pain is there, but the symptoms are different. You need different kind of medicine. So you have to take medicine as per the prescription of the doctor, not whimsically.
(36:21) >> Mhm. >> So similarly, there are four Yugas, Satya, Treta, and Dwapara, and Kali Yuga. So in every Yuga the spiritual practice changes. >> Mhm. >> So there is a verse Kṛte dhyāyato viṣṇuṁ tretāyāṁ yajato makhaiḥ dvāpare paricaryāyāṁ kalau tad hari-kīrtanāt. >> [snorts] >> In Satya Yuga the process was meditation on the form of the Lord, tapasya.
(36:46) Treta Yuga Yuga to okay. In Treta Yuga the process was Yuga. >> Mhm. >> So whenever anybody had a desire >> Yeah. >> for spiritual elevation and material desires, they would perform Yugas. >> Mhm. >> Like that should Maharaj perform a Yuga to get Ram. >> Yeah. >> In Dwapar Yuga the process became temple worship. >> Mhm.
(37:06) >> Duty worship. Kalautad Hari Kirtanad. In Kali Yuga the process is Hari Kirtan. >> Mhm. Mhm. >> So therefore the Lord has given this scriptures as as word. And because it is mentioned in the scriptures that as the process. So therefore we follow it and we see the results also. >> Mhm. >> Because the Yuga is different.
(37:25) The symptoms are acute. >> Mhm. >> So wherever nothing else works because this age is so full of faults and so sinful that are mountains of sins. >> Mhm. >> So no other process will work. >> Mhm. >> For tapasya in Satya Yuga, now where do we have that kind of mind? It's constantly distracted. >> Mhm. >> For tapasya the prerequisite is focused mind and attention, control of mind and senses.
(37:50) Where do we have that control? >> Mhm. >> For Yugas where do we have the qualified priests? >> Mhm. >> Those Yugas were elaborately done, the amount of wealth required, the charity, whether they are chanting the mantras properly or not. Where do we find that? >> Mhm. >> Our purity, our sincerity. Nowadays people sometimes they have poojas at home and all the family members are getting up and sitting and busy with the phone, calling out to the maids and so much is happening.
(38:15) So that's not required. >> Mhm. >> Temple worship, duty worship, we don't have that level of punctuality or cleanliness to carry out that duty. >> Mhm. >> Because duty worship requires punctuality and cleanliness, two things. So today's everything is upside down in Kali Yuga. So where no other medicine works, the name of the Lord works.
(38:36) So the name of the Lord does not require any conditions. >> Mhm. >> In any situation, whether it is chanted knowingly, unknowingly. Like if you're are during a Yuga or tapasya you won't be successful. But the name of the Lord acts like fire. >> Mhm. >> Just like if you touch fire with attentively or inattentively, while sleeping or while being awake, even if a child touches it, >> Mhm.
(38:59) >> or you touch it jokingly, out of anger, it will still burn you. >> Mhm. >> So, the name of the Lord is such that it is the only process that whichever way it is chanted, it burns away our lifetimes of karma and instantly establishes that connection with the Lord. >> Mhm. >> So, the name of the Lord is something that the Lord has invested all his powers and blessings in.
(39:21) >> Mhm. >> So, whatever you could achieve in Satyuga through meditation, through tapasya, through yagya in Treta, through temple worship in Dwapar, all that and much more is achieved simply by sitting at home and chanting his names. So, what could be the easiest, yet the most powerful process? >> So, would you say, since you are an engineer, qualified engineer, and I am a doctor, so scientifically thinking, what comes to my mind, if one has to dissect it scientifically, so to say, is that sound is energy. It changes the
(39:54) vibrations in our body. And given that today there is so much distraction and chaos around, would you say that that's why maybe scriptures have analyzed this? Because I firmly believe that whether it is Bhagavad Gita or whether it is our scriptures has a very strong scientific >> Yeah. >> basis to it. It is scientific.
(40:14) It is a scientific journal. So, therefore, chanting creates a certain vibrations in our body, therefore aligning our mind, body, and soul. >> Easy. Because mind is very sensitive to the sound. >> Mhm. >> And the most powerful sound is the name of God. So, Vedanta Sutra, a book which has a the essence of all of the scriptures, and of course, the essence of Vedanta Sutra is Bhagavatam, Srimad Bhagavat, which is the highest scripture.
(40:42) Both talk about the same thing, the chanting. And in Vedanta Sutra, the last aphorism is Anavrittih Sabdat. Which simply means liberation by sound. Then one can be liberated simply by the power of sound, but which sound? The sound of God's name. So the commentary says the sound of God's names by divine sound. So however sinful we might be, however distracted or feeling down uh we might.
(41:15) But if you start chanting and I'm not saying again believe me blindly. Experiment for the next 3 days. Chant every day in the morning half an hour. And the only condition is when you're chanting Hare Krishna Hare Krishna this mantra, try to focus on the sound of the mantra. That is the only technique or the only condition.
(41:40) It will definitely benefit you. But you will start seeing the benefits in 3 days only. Every morning half an hour sit and try to focus on the sound of the mantra as you chant. The mind will wander away. As soon as you realize that, bring it back. Again focus on the sound. Keep doing this.
(41:59) And just observe your consciousness through the day. You'll feel so blissful. You'll feel so light. So this is the only way the sound can liberate us in the sound of God's name. >> Now coming to developing a relationship with Krishna, how does one start? You said yes, chanting is one thing, but if for example, if I'm angry, can I speak to Krishna? If I'm lonely, because that's another epidemic I would say today.
(42:25) You know, and we will talk about that a little bit later. So how does one start with the relationship with Krishna when there is so much chaos around? >> The first step in spiritual life is hearing about him. So hear from the devotees from the Gita, from the Bhagavatam, his words, his pastimes. And gradually you will start developing that connection.
(42:46) And then you chant, the connection becomes deeper. And the more you engage in these activities, that means the more time you spend with him, the more that relationship develops. So, hear about him. The first step would be the hearing the Gita, and then you chant also simultaneously. That'll deepen the relationship.
(43:06) >> Mhm. >> And yes, you can definitely talk to Krishna as a friend. You can talk in anger. You can express your thoughts. He likes that kind of relationship. In fact, he says that he's not too interested um prayers which are filled with awe and reverence. >> Mhm. >> He says that the abusive words of the gopis of Vrindavan are more pleasing to me than the hymns of the Vedas.
(43:33) Because those words are filled with love. >> Mhm. >> So, he appreciates and he wants that kind of relationship with his devotee where there's no formality. >> Mhm. >> So, you talk to him as your friend, as your family member, and he reciprocates accordingly. So, you definitely can do that. >> I do not want to ask you to subscribe just because you are here.
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(44:18) Now, coming to the increasing level of loneliness like I mentioned, uh there are times when you're surrounded by people. You're surrounded by family or friends, yet one hears that, "Oh my god, I'm so lonely." Um why? >> It's a mind. >> Mhm. >> Uncontrolled mind. >> Mhm. >> Fear, anxiety, depression, uncertainty, worry, and loneliness.
(44:44) These are all symptoms of the uncontrolled mind. >> Mhm. >> So, you have to take care of the mind. >> Mhm. >> And taking care of the mind, there are dos and don'ts. Let's discuss the don'ts first. You know, we are very careful these days what goes inside our body. >> Mhm. >> People are counting their calories. >> Yeah. >> They have their whole schedule set up.
(45:05) They have their dieticians. >> Mhm. >> From morning till evening what they have to eat. Everything is so well organized. But how careful are we in filtering what goes inside our mind? Our mind is like a sponge. Whatever we hear, whatever we eat, whatever we see, whatever people we associate with, whatever content we watch, everything is being absorbed.
(45:30) That energy is being absorbed by the mind. And when you are engaging in these activities, you're not realizing everything carries energy. >> Mhm. >> The energy is being absorbed by the mind. >> Mhm. >> And those energies then start manifesting within your mind and therefore even when you're sitting with thousands of people, you feel lonely.
(45:52) You have caught that vibe. >> Mhm. >> Huh, which is being you've been infected. >> Mhm. >> That is one, the association, plus the scriptures say the maximum contamination of our consciousness, our mind happens through the food we eat. >> Mhm. >> Why there is a concept of offering food to God before you eat it? Because it becomes free from that negative energy.
(46:12) >> Mhm. >> It's not that he needs it. We need it. >> Mhm. >> You eat the kind of food and the person who has cooked it, how that food food was procured, who has served it. All the energy has gone into the food. When you eat it, suddenly you will start feeling why am I feeling so down and out, so drained? >> Mhm.
(46:29) >> Because you've been affected, you've been infected by that energy. So we have to carefully filter out what is not needed. We can't feed junk >> Yeah. >> to our body whole day and expect to sleep peacefully at night. Similarly, we can't keep feeding junk to the mind whole day. >> Mhm. >> Gossip, criticism, unfiltered content, >> Mhm.
(46:52) >> I mean, no uh discrimination when we eat, the kind of places we visit filled with tamogun. >> Mhm. >> So, you associate with all these things, you do all these things. You can't expect your mind to be peaceful. >> Mhm. >> So, first thing is, as I said, lead try to lead a very pure satvik lifestyle. >> Yeah.
(47:11) >> Eat satvik food, offer it to God first. Associate with right kind of people. >> Mhm. >> And most importantly, avoid the uh association of uh people who have the habit of gossiping. >> Mhm. >> Because gossip is nothing but sophisticated term for criticism, fault finding. >> Mhm. >> And such people will always carry a lot of negative energy.
(47:36) >> Mhm. >> And that's what is coming out. It's like a BMC truck. When it opens its mouth, only trash comes out. So, some people are like that. They carry the trash inside and they just want to dump it on you. >> Yeah. >> And then you carry the trash trash back home and you feel, "Why am I smelling >> Mhm. >> so bad?" >> [laughter] >> So, you have to avoid the association of those people who like to criticize, gossip.
(47:58) >> Mhm. >> If somebody gossips to you about somebody else, then know that you are next. >> Yeah. >> [laughter] >> That is don'ts. And secondly, do's. Do two things >> Mhm. >> and your mind will be peaceful. Uh in Sanskrit, the mind is known as man. >> Mhm. >> So, the most powerful way to control the man is mantra, again, coming back to the chanting.
(48:22) >> Yep. >> Liberation by sound. >> Mhm. >> However down and out you might be feeling, the scriptures have clearly mentioned if you simply start chanting Lord Krishna, Lord Hari's names regularly, instantly your consciousness can be uplifted. >> Mhm. >> And secondly, you have to strengthen your intelligence because the the work of the intelligence is to discriminate and help you take the right decisions in life.
(48:46) >> Mhm. >> So, intelligence gets strengthened by regular scriptural study. >> Mhm. >> So, even if you spend 20 minutes a day, pick up the Gita, pick up the Ramayana, pick up the Bhagavat, pick up Mahabharat. Read these scriptures even if you don't understand them, even if you don't remember what you have studied.
(49:04) It is sadhana. Just sit with read five pages a day. Make it a rule. Five pages will take you maybe 15-20 minutes. Max to max, maybe 15 minutes. And chant 20-30 minutes a day in the morning. So, at least give 45 to 1 hour in the morning to these two activities. Half an hour chanting, half an hour of uh study of scripture.
(49:25) And then see how your whole mindset changes. Then even you're living in the most lonely place in the world, you will feel blissful. >> Yeah. So, when uh you know, I've had a couple of my clients who in their homes have to live with toxic people. So, you can't really dissociate. It's easier said than done that okay, walk out. You can't do that.
(49:49) Uh how does one deal with toxicity at home? >> No, I'm not saying in every situation you have to walk out. That's why I said strengthen the mind through chanting. And uh strengthen the intelligence through um scriptural study. This will give you the necessary strength and intelligence to deal with these situations. >> Yeah. >> The example I always give is that of Mirabai.
(50:10) Now, she was a princess. And she was a devotee of Krishna. And her family members didn't like it. Her mother-in-law, her sister-in-law were very toxic. To the point that they decided to kill her. So, they tried so many things. Every day literally there was a conspiracy to kill, to eliminate Mirabai. A snake was sent to bite her.
(50:36) There were nails spread on her bed. There was poison sent to kill her, but she survived all of it. Now, in this situation, the reaction the response could be one is you feel very sad. Why are they doing this to me? Another is neutral. I'm not affected. But Mirabai, it is mentioned that she wasn't even aware >> Mhm.
(51:04) >> that all these things were happening to her. >> Mhm. >> Because her her mind was so focused on Krishna, >> Mhm. >> it was so absorbed in something higher that is she didn't even have time and energy to think about these lower things. >> Mhm. >> It's all about what what frequency we are tuned into. >> Mhm. >> So nobody, not even karma, not even other people, not not not even situation, not even the nine planets have the power to make our life miserable unless we allow it to.
(51:33) >> Mhm. >> Things may happen to us, but whether we suffer from something or not will depend on our response to those things, to those situations. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> If somebody abuses us and we said "Get lost. I'm not bothered." So I'm not bothered, literally. But if I just keep on thinking, "Why did he say like that? Why did she say like that?" then I suffer.
(51:55) >> Mhm. >> Same situation, but how I respond decides what happens to me. >> Mhm. >> So >> [clears throat] >> for that you need to make your mind and intelligence strong. You have to have inner strength. So this will not affect you. >> How does one staying in sansar still follow the principles of bhakti or, you know, getting detached? Because the fear that I see in many people is like, "Oh my god, I can't do Vipassanā.
(52:23) I can't follow this because it will make me detached from everybody and everything, and I don't want to feel the sense of detachment. I love being attached to ABC." >> If you see the scriptures, 99% of examples that are given, people who attained great spiritual heights are those of great kings and family members. >> Mhm. >> So spiritual life is not a life of rejection, it is a life of connection.
(52:47) >> Mhm. >> We are not expected to give up anything, we are expected to add something more valuable to our life. >> Mhm. >> An addition should not be a problem. >> Mhm. >> If you have a $1 million check and I give you one more, would you refuse it? >> Mhm. >> No, only a foolish person would refuse. >> Mhm. >> So we are just saying you have so much uh valuable already in your life, so many things.
(53:13) Why don't you add one more? Mangal Bhavan Amangal Hari, when the Lord enters your life, he only makes your life auspicious and anything which is inauspicious, he takes it away. And so, why should we be afraid of losing something that is inauspicious? Spirituality does not take us away from family or society.
(53:33) It just makes us deeper into it. It does not take away our enjoyment, rather it amplifies it. >> You know, at times we hear people praying and then coming and saying that, you know, we've prayed, we've led a pure life, yet this negative incident happened in my life. Or we see bad things happening to good people.
(53:53) How does one navigate through that difficult point in life? >> Amara, because we have a very stereotype understanding of what is good and what is bad for us. One is we have to understand the kind of world we are living in. It's called Dukhalayam. Krishna has stamped this world as Dukhalayam, a place of dukha.
(54:13) So, there will be prominently misery. Little happiness here and there, but that will also carry seed of distress. So, in a place of dukha, you cannot expect sukha. Whatever we get is bonus. So, the problem is we are in a wrong place. First, even if you are the most innocent and sinless person, please know the kind of world we are living in. This is material world.
(54:38) It has been given names like Karagar, a prison cell. You can't expect happiness in a prison cell, a deep dark well, unfathomable ocean. These are very scary places. So, these are the words which have been used to describe this world. So, in this world, how can we expect some peace? So, that un- unrealistic expectation has to be given up.
(55:01) Even if you are the most sinless, innocent person, still there will be problems in this world. That's the nature of the world which we can't do anything about. As long as we are in this world, there will be problems. So, if you want to be free from problems forever, then we have to go to the spiritual world. And that is what this human life has been given for.
(55:22) So, we prepare for that in the process and that is by the process of bhakti yoga. We engage in chanting the Lord's names, remembering him, serving him, studying scriptures, by the blessings of saintly people. Those things will help us gain that kingdom. Because sooner or later one day we have to leave this world and we have to go somewhere.
(55:44) So, prepare for that highest destination. As long as we are here, there will be challenges. Secondly, we have our past karma also. Because karma follows the person, the soul like a calf follows the mother cow. So, in this lifetime we might have been very good, but then there is a stock coming from the previous lifetimes.
(56:03) So, till that gets exhausted, we may not see the favorable circumstances. We just see our movie after the interval, but if you start watching from the beginning, we will realize that we have been the villain. We think we are the hero. >> [laughter] >> So, that is one thing and again those spiritual practices which I just mentioned, why should I practice spirituality? Because that helps you nullify those karmas due to which you suffer.
(56:32) So, the root cause of suffering will be gone and then you can lead a happy life. Third is remember that nothing is permanent in this world. That is the second word Krishna used, शाश्वतम्. This too shall pass. If there is happiness today, there will be distress. Distress, there is happiness. So, we live in a world of duality.
(56:52) So, in all situations, how do we remain faithful and maintain our faith? Focusing on what we have been given in life, blessed with in life. Like in the Mahabharata, the Pandavas, they were first cousins of Krishna. They are pure devotees, they are innocent, they are sinless, still they had to go through so much.
(57:09) But one thing, one of the principles which is which is mentioned by Bhishma Deva that protected the Pandavas in spite of all the dangers that came into their lives. There was an attempt to kill them uh almost every day, burn them alive, poison them. Wife was insulted. They were stripped out of their kingdom, their wealth, and that great war of Kurukshetra uh irreligiously fought by Duryodhana and others at during some days.
(57:36) Uh so still they remained protected. One of the principles mentioned is their faith in Krishna. >> Mhm. >> No matter what happened to them, >> Mhm. >> they never complained >> Mhm. >> that why is Krishna doing this to me or why is this happening to me? We have not done anything wrong. They realize it's our own karma coming back or this is the world we are living in.
(57:56) >> Mhm. >> That is a separate thing and our faith is a separate thing. And because they stayed faithful, they did not give up their spiritual practices, they did not give up their faith, so Krishna took it upon himself to protect them. >> Mhm. >> So remember when we are going through something and at the same time we have been very faithful to God, that means worst was going to happen and you just token has been given to you.
(58:19) >> Mhm. >> Remember the Lord is merciful. He will never do anything wrong. I will never let you uh let let anything wrong happen to you. >> Mhm. >> You just uh maintain an attitude of gratitude. >> Mhm. >> Instead of thinking why am I not getting this or why is this happening to me? Focus on what you have been blessed with in life.
(58:41) And if you compare your life, you will find you are still more fortunate than billions of people in the world. And therefore I like to quote this story often. Uh there was this famous Wimbledon player player Arthur Ashe. >> Mhm. >> He was a man of God, a believer. And everybody knew in 1983 he was diagnosed with HIV positive terminal illness because of some infected blood which was given to him during a heart surgery.
(59:09) So his fans were writing to him, they were devastated. That So, one of them wrote, "Arthur, you were a man of God. Why did God choose you only to give you this deadly disease? Why only you?" And to this Arthur Ashe replied, he said, "50 million children started playing tennis. >> Mhm. >> Out of which only 5 million learned to play tennis.
(59:34) Out of 5 million only 5 lakhs learned professional tennis. Out of 5 lakhs only 50,000 came to circuit. Out of 50 only 5,000 reached Grand Slam. Out of five only 50 reached Wimbledon. Out of 50 only four reached the semi-finals. Out of four only two reached the finals. And only one held the trophy. And when I was holding that trophy in my hand, I never asked God, why only me? So, now that I am in pain, how can I ask God why me? >> Wow.
(1:00:13) >> This is the power of spirituality. Because in life we keep comparing ourselves with others. And comparison creates artificial poverty in our life, because we stop focusing on what we have been blessed with, what we have received so much in life, and start thinking what little things which others have which we do not have.
(1:00:33) >> Mhm. >> If you focus on your blessings, blessings expand and occupy your consciousness, you are happy. And if uh you focus on something that you don't have, that consciousness expands and then you suffer. Even if you've been blessed with so much. If you're getting three meals to eat, if you have a house to live, you're still more fortunate than uh billions of people all over the world.
(1:00:55) >> Yeah. Mhm. >> He continues. He says, "Happiness keeps you sweet. Trials keep you strong. Sorrows keep you human. Failures keep you humble. Success keeps you glowing. But only faith keeps you going. Sometimes you're not satisfied with your life while many people in this world are dreaming of living your life. >> Very powerful.
(1:01:26) >> A child on a farm sees a plane fly overhead dreams of flying while a pilot on the plane sees the farmhouse and dreams of returning home. That's life. Enjoy yours. If wealth is the secret to happiness then the rich should be dancing on the streets but only poor kids do that. If power ensures security then VIPs should walk unguarded but those who live simply sleep soundly.
(1:01:55) If beauty and fame bring ideal relationships then celebrities should have the best marriages. Live simply, be happy walk humbly and love genuinely. Why me by Arthur Ashe. >> So powerful. >> So he was not bothered about what he was losing. He was more thinking what what he had received so much in life. And therefore it was not hurting him anymore.
(1:02:22) It is the mind. What you're focusing your mind upon. That's all. Focus on your blessings I always say write down your 10 blessings that you have been given in life on a piece of paper take photocopies or write on three three pages. You can paste them in two three areas of your house where you can see you can go through that list.
(1:02:48) The first time after you wake up in the morning five six times go through that. During the day also go through that. So twice thrice in a day you do. So what you're doing is you are conditioning your mind to focus on the blessings blessings blessing blessings and that's how the mind keeps thinking now.
(1:03:04) Now even if you lose one or two things or you do not have one or two things your mind will still stay focused on I have at least these 10 things. So why should I bother? So we should realize that first of all getting a human form we are very fortunate. Among 8.4 million species, only four lakh types are humans. And then, we have so much opportunity to cultivate God consciousness.
(1:03:29) We have been blessed with the ability to make choices, so we can refine our choices and prepare for a better future. We are getting to eat, we have a house. We are fortunate than billions of people. >> Yeah. >> And if you keep remembering these, then other things won't matter much. >> Yeah. Absolutely. >> be grateful and thankful for what we have been given.
(1:03:51) And God knows what is best for us, he will give us what we need. >> Mhm. >> And what whatever we need more, whenever, he will give us that, too, provided we remain faithful. Thank you so much. >> Thank you so much. Hare Krishna. You came here, shared such pearls of wisdom. It definitely, somewhere deep down, I feel like I have learned so much, and I'm definitely going to put some of the tips and tricks that you have taught me uh into action right from the time I leave from here.
(1:04:19) So, heartfelt gratitude. Thank you. >> Thank you so much. Hare Krishna. >> Hare Krishna. I want to ask you for something slightly different. Do not just watch the show. Talk to me. Tell me who you want me to speak to. Tell me what questions you want answered. Tell me what we should explore next. I actually read these comments and we use them.
(1:04:41) So, subscribe, stay with us, and leave your ideas below. I really do want you to help me shape where this show goes next.
Author Name:Aditi Govitrikar
Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@theaditigovitrikarshow
Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WuWyXrhvTo
Title: Why Is Love So Hard in Kalyug? Marriage, Heartbreak & Krishna | Nityanand Charan Das
Author Name: Aditi Govitrikar
Description: Why is it so hard to find love in Kaliyuga? Why do relationships change after marriage, and how do you know when you have tried enough?
Dr Aditi Govitrikar speaks with ISKCON monk and bestselling author Nityanand Charan Das about love, marriage, heartbreak, family conflict and faith in Krishna. He explains why he believes selfishness and ego make modern relationships harder, and why both people must keep making an effort long after the excitement of falling in love has passed.
They discuss what happens when couples keep having the same fight, when saying sorry can help, and why it is worth asking, “Could I also be part of the problem?” But effort has to go both ways. Nityanand Charan Das shares the pattern he sees as a relationship red flag and how he thinks someone can move forward after rejection or broken trust.
In this conversation:
• Why finding love can feel difficult in Kaliyuga
• What changes in a relationship after marriage
• How ego and selfishness can turn a problem into a fight
• When to say sorry and when to look at your own behaviour
• How to recognise a one-sided relationship
• What to do with the hurt left by heartbreak
• Why parents and children grow apart
• Why you can feel lonely even around family and friends
• How to begin a relationship with Krishna through listening and chanting
• Whether you can speak to Krishna when you feel angry
• How faith can help when bad things happen to good people
Nityanand Charan Das also talks about what we feed our minds each day, from the people around us to the content we watch. The episode ends with a simple gratitude practice you can try at home.
If you are questioning a relationship, dealing with loneliness, or wondering how to turn to Krishna during a difficult time, this conversation starts with those questions.
00:00 – Trailer
02:08 – Introduction to Nityanand Charan Das
02:45 – Why is love difficult to find in Kalyug?
06:19 – Peer pressure and short-term pleasure
09:48 – Satvik living and the three gunas
15:39 – How to change your habits
17:07 – Ego, arguments and saying sorry
20:45 – Why relationships change after marriage
21:55 – When a relationship becomes one-sided
22:59 – Dealing with heartbreak
24:36 – Moving on after rejection or broken trust
27:53 – Building inner strength
30:10 – Conflict between parents and children
31:55 – What families can do together
33:59 – How to begin chanting at home
35:14 – Why chanting matters in Kalyug
39:10 – The power of sound and Krishna’s name
41:39 – How to build a relationship with Krishna
43:22 – Why we feel lonely around other people
48:38 – Living with difficult people at home
51:11 – Can you follow bhakti and still love your family?
52:54 – Why do bad things happen to good people?
57:57 – Arthur Ashe’s answer to “Why me?”
1:01:31 – A daily gratitude practice
1:03:04 – Closing thoughts
LISTEN AND FOLLOW
Listen to the full episode on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2pmv...
Follow Nityanand Charas Das on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nityanand_c...
Follow The Aditi Govitrikar Show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theaditigov...
Transcript:
(00:00) Why is it so difficult to find love in today's day and age? >> First of all, conflicts happen due to Kaliyuga means kalaha pradhan yuga where for no reason there are quarrels, disagreements, dissension, hypocrisy. Before marriage wonders happen, after marriage you wonder what happened. >> [laughter] >> What changes is familiarity breeds contempt.
(00:27) So, after some time that that desire to please the other person goes away. We are not that careful. We also have to consider could I be also the problem? And by saying sorry, we are not saying that we are wrong. We are just conveying that we value the relationship more than being right. We always have the choice to win the argument and lose the person or lose the argument and win the person.
(00:52) >> What is that red flag or when should a person say, "Okay, this is a no-go."? >> Essentially, when there is only one person putting in all the effort. The other person is simply busy receiving but [music] not willing to reciprocate. And if this becomes a pattern, I think that's a sign. That's a red flag. >> How does one then take care of the heartache? >> Not everybody who joins our journey is meant to walk with us till the end.
(01:15) It's all about the internal dialogue. From why did this happen to how can I [music] move ahead? >> Coming to developing a relationship with Krishna. >> First step in spiritual life is hearing about him. So, hear from the devotees, from the Gita, from the Bhagavatam, his words, his [music] pastimes and gradually you will start developing that connection.
(01:38) And then you chant, the connection becomes deeper. >> You said yes, chanting is one thing but if for example, if I'm angry, can I speak to Krishna? >> Yes, you can definitely talk to Krishna as a friend. You can talk in anger, you can express your thoughts. He likes that kind of relationship and he reciprocates accordingly.
(01:57) >> Or we see bad things happening to good people. How does one navigate through that difficult point in life? >> Because we have a very stereotype understanding of what is >> My guest is Nityanand Charandas Ji, a monk, spiritual counselor, and an author who brings the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita >> [music] >> into the realities of modern relationships. Let's dive in.
(02:34) Hare Krishna. >> Hare Krishna. >> Thank you so much for accepting my invite and choosing to share your thoughts with all of us. My first question today is why is it so difficult to find love in today's day and age? >> The times are changing. The values have changed. Yuga we are living in right now, it is mentioned in the scriptures already.
(02:57) It is Kali Yuga. And Kali Yuga means Kalaha Pradhana Yuga, where for no reason there are quarrels, disagreements, dissension, hypocrisy. It is the effect of the age also that we are living in, and it is affecting everyone's consciousness. With the passage of time, our values also have been destroyed. And if we are not constantly working to uphold those values, then naturally they will be finished.
(03:29) They will be forgotten. It is the impact of the time. Plus people have moved away from spirituality, which is the foundation. Asking why relationships are not or love is not found these days is like asking why this building is not standing when we have moved the foundation, when we removed the foundation.
(03:51) So foundation is the key. When the before the Britishers entered India, till the 16th century, I mean, they sent a person called Lord Macaulay to India to find out the ways and means to conquer this country and he goes back and he tells them that if we really have to uh conquer this country, we have to break the backbone of this country, which is their spiritual culture.
(04:15) And it was systematically done, destroying the Gurukul system, misinterpreting the scriptures, coining the term called mythology. >> Mhm. >> How the Western powers have deliberately worked towards breaking families. >> Mhm. >> Through various movements, various means, and we didn't even realize that how it uh gradually entered India because we were so much enamored by the West.
(04:42) The evils of the West have also entered because there is lack of spiritual foundation, so there is lack of value system. >> Mhm. >> And uh because there is lack of value system, so we do not realize the value of true love. >> Mhm. >> So, selfishness has entered. And because people are selfish, they're only thinking about themselves.
(05:03) >> Mhm. >> So, if we instead of uh thinking, "How can I find true love?" if we can just shift our focus to how can I be the one who shares true love, >> Mhm. >> you'll end up finding it. >> Mhm. >> Because the law of karma is whatever you share, >> Mhm. >> that's what you get back. If you share selfishness, if you're selfish, you'll find those kind of people here.
(05:27) But if you're a true lover, if you really love someone, if you're looking for that true love, you may not find it, but if you're giving it out, >> Mhm. >> I mean, somebody might think I will lose by giving. No, nobody has ever become poor by giving. People are looking for love. Uh what can I get out of this relationship instead of they're thinking, "What can I contribute? How can be that source of happiness for my beloved, for this person?" Then I think everything can change.
(05:56) And selfishness has to go away. >> Yeah, the switch from self to the other and the focus to you know, give love instead of what am I getting or how can I get love will change a lot of uh dynamics in today's day and age. >> Stop looking for it. Start sharing. You be the one >> Mhm. >> who is selflessly giving, and you will find people like that.
(06:16) >> Mhm. That's what needs to change for sure. When one speaks to a Gen Z person, and when this concept is explained to them, there are two issues here that I see coming back from them. One is that there will be peer pressure not to be like this. So, peer pressure is something that is real and exists that, "Oh, okay, you're being too old-fashioned.
(06:37) " Or, "What do you mean that I should have only one partner?" Second thing is hedonism, or being hedonistic, that, "Okay, chal raha hai, chalne do. What is it What does it mean there will be consequences?" So, what do you have to say to that? >> It reminds me of the animal kingdom. So, in animal kingdom, there is no restriction.
(06:56) >> Correct. >> Right? And nobody can hold them responsible. And animals only act based on instincts. >> Mhm. >> And that's what we are doing. >> Mhm. >> So, human beings means there has to be some dharma, some righteousness, some purity. >> Mhm. >> And if you're not following that, we are no better than animals. >> Mhm.
(07:22) >> At the same time, nothing is imposed on anyone. >> Yeah. >> Our scriptures, our saints, they are well-wishers. They only think about our welfare. And they will only create awareness. But the choices will be left to us. And based on the choices we make, >> Mhm. >> then we get rewarded or punished. I mean, what is the ultimate goal of life? To be happy.
(07:49) An animal only thinks about instant happiness. And an intelligent human being should think about long-term happiness. And happiness comes by leading a very sattvic, pure, religious, righteous, and pious life. >> Mhm. >> I always give the example of a weighing scale. >> Mhm. >> Suppose you're engaging more in good deeds, you're leading a life of purity, sattvic life, religious life, sinless life, ethical life.
(08:17) There will be more weightage on this side, suppose this is the A side, the good side, then you will see that you will always be happy even if others around you are suffering. >> Mhm. >> Because uh you have done that good karma or you have led a very pure life. >> Mhm. >> Even with the least amount of effort you will become successful in your endeavors.
(08:40) >> Mhm. >> And the most favorable situations will keep manifesting in your life. >> Mhm. >> On the other hand, if you keep making unethical choices just because everybody else is also doing it, >> Mhm. >> it may give you some instant gratification, but because you're increasing the weightage on the wrong side, unfavorable circumstances will keep manifesting.
(09:02) And you will not be able to stay happy for long. >> Mhm. >> And when those consequences come, it'll be very, very difficult to manage. >> Mhm. >> So, what we can do is just be careful about the choices we make. >> Mhm. >> And teenage years, especially the youth, is the age of learning, age of creating a very strong foundation.
(09:23) Have some spiritual foundation. Um lead an ethical life because that ensures happiness in the long run. >> Mhm. >> So, weigh the pros and cons of whatever you are doing, and then do as you like. >> Mhm. >> That is the teaching of the Gita. >> Mhm. So, not to give in to impulses just for short term >> Yeah. >> Acting based on instincts.
(09:47) >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh you mentioned sattvic and ethical life. Um explain to us in simple words what a person should follow so that you are ethical and you lead a pure life. >> So, uh sattvic life means uh first of all, the Gita explains three gunas, sattva guna, rajo guna, tamo guna, the mode of goodness, mode of passion, mode of ignorance.
(10:12) And each guna also has certain qualities associated with it. So, whichever guna you are living in, you develop those qualities. So, tamo guna means uh suppose the food the kind of food we eat which is dead, putrid, non-vegetarian food that comes in the category of So, accordingly you adjust tamo guna. So, a food which which has been lying for hours after being cooked.
(10:38) So, that uh loses that satva guna. So, it goes into tamo guna. And then you develop qualities like lack of um a higher purpose. There is laziness, indolence. You could be violent. There's no sense of discrimination. As they say, you are what you eat. >> Yeah. >> Then if you eat food in the mode of passion, uh which is very hot, spicy, pungent, then you will have uh lot of desires, anger, irritable.
(11:13) Those qualities you develop. Then Then there's food in the mode of satva guna, vegetables, nuts, milk, fruit. And that satva guna is associated with greater sense of discrimination, happiness, and uh purity. And you like being good, doing doing good type of person. So, this is just the one example, food. The the music we hear, the content we watch, the kind of people we associate with, the kind of places we visit.
(11:43) Uh so, everything in this world falls into one of the three gunas. Depending on which guna we are associating with, we develop qualities accordingly. And accordingly the situations manifest. So, satva guna is especially associated with happiness. And even the time during the day is 24 hours are also divided into satva, raja, and tamo guna.
(12:05) So, early morning hours are satva guna. Night is tamo guna. Day is passionate, mode of passion. So, that means living a life means waking up early. Brahma Muhurta, at least by 5:00. >> Mhm. >> Which could be a dream for many these days. >> People sleep at 5:00. >> Sleeping early, latest by 10:00. >> Mhm. >> Wake up by 5:00.
(12:30) You You have good 7 hours of sleep. All the successful people who have done something in life, you will find one thing in common. They wake up early. >> Yes. >> The reason is because in the morning hours, it is in the mode of goodness. You You get You have greater sense of clarity, greater clarity. And your efficiency is much more.
(12:50) >> Mhm. >> And by the time the world wakes up, you're already 3-4 hours ahead of them. And that just waking up early also adds so much to your overall well-being in life. >> Mhm. >> You can uh take better decisions in life. Your health is good. >> Mhm. >> You can devote some time in in those hours for your spirituality.
(13:10) How you begin your day >> Mhm. >> will decide how your rest of the day would be like. So, living in sattva guna means sleep early, wake up early. At least try for 3-4 days and see how you feel. >> Mhm. >> Don't just blindly follow anything, but at least experiment >> Mhm. >> and see how you feel. It will be easier to give up your other bad habits also.
(13:32) So, this is one, living in sattva guna. Eat sattvic sattvic food, which we just discussed. >> Mhm. >> Avoid forbidden food. And there are four pillars of unethical life. >> Mhm. >> Meat eating. >> Mhm. >> Intoxication of any kind. Illicit affairs between men and women, and gambling. >> Mhm. >> Stay away from these four. >> Mhm. >> And guaranteed you will be happy, even if the whole world goes upside down tomorrow.
(14:00) But you will keep standing, blissfully smiling. Nothing will happen to you. >> Mhm. >> Because the law of karma is as you sow, so shall you reap. >> Mhm. >> That's why karma is compared to a seed. You sow a seed, you don't see the fruit coming out instantly. >> Yeah. >> But seed will fructify into that creeper and eventually give you the fruit >> Mhm.
(14:21) >> at the right timing. The only uh independence, freedom we have is to sow is to choose which kind of seed we want to sow. >> Mhm. >> Once it has been sown, then we have no choice. What fruit will come depends on the seed that has been sown. So, if you want to be happy, then speak in a way, live in a way that every choice of yours will bring future happiness, not future distress.
(14:47) >> Mhm. >> So, don't be after instant gratification. Think about long term. Don't be affected by your association. Don't try to prove yourself to the world. If some people get upset, some people tease you, some people make fun of you because you're not coming along with them to hell, >> Mhm. >> then let them go.
(15:06) And in this yoga, Kali Yuga, people who are pure, people like who are being torn apart by these choices, they want to lead a sattvic life, pure life. Please know, if you are listening that you will always be in minority. >> Mhm. >> But then know that real diamonds are also rare. >> Mhm. >> If you want imitation diamond, they are everywhere. They're very cheap.
(15:30) So, you be the real diamond. Real diamonds are always rare. >> Mhm. >> They are not found in wholesale. >> Mhm. >> So, you don't become a part of that wholesale. You will lose your value. >> Mhm. >> So, now to a person who is into this kind of uh immediate happiness, how does he or she put a stop to that and come back on track so that, you know, there is uh ethical living and sattvic living and uh long-term or bliss along the way? >> First of all, if you have the desire, you want to come back, then I would highly recommend finding a
(16:03) spiritual mentor. >> Mhm. >> Because only spirituality can give you that strength. >> Mhm. >> Just like if there is an enemy we are fighting against, we need physical strength externally. But for the inner enemies, we need inner strength, which is synonymous with spiritual strength. Only a person who is on this path can give you.
(16:23) So, find a spiritual mentor. And this was the system at the age of five only children were given a guru >> Yeah. >> who would guide them and help them develop a pure character, good character. And uh as we hear their words, we hear the wisdom from them regularly, the nature of the mind is whatever we hear again and again, whatever we are exposed to again and again, then the mind starts accepting.
(16:47) Then it becomes a part of our nature. >> Mhm. >> And they are the only ones who can lift us up. On our own we cannot, so and if we have not found one, pray to the Lord, pray to Krishna that please send one of your representatives into my life so that I can be properly guided >> Mhm. >> so that I can become an asset to society, not a liability.
(17:07) >> Mhm. Now, coming back to relationships, how does one navigate through that? >> So, a few things maybe I can mention here. First of all, conflicts happen due to ego. >> Mhm. >> Uh problems may be there, >> Mhm. >> but then a problem how it is handled. And due to ego, we keep blaming each other. And uh even when we sit down to talk, the biggest problem that happens is we bring the past also into the present.
(17:37) Instead of trying to resolve the issue at present, >> Mhm. >> we continue the blame game. That day you did this to me. That day you did this to me. No, that is not the purpose we are sitting here for. >> Mhm. >> We are sitting here to resolve. Okay. Okay, this has happened now. What can we do to move ahead? Both of them will develop positivity.
(17:56) >> Mhm. >> And secondly, when there is a conflict, usually we keep blaming, we think other person is responsible. We also have to consider could I be also the problem? >> Mhm. >> And even if it's just 1% fault of ours, we should apologize. >> Mhm. >> Because it just takes one person to to a humble position >> Mhm.
(18:20) >> and the argument and conflict ends. >> Mhm. And by saying sorry, we are not saying that we are wrong. We are just conveying that we value the relationship more than being right. Because in a war of ego, the loser is always the winner. It's better that we lose them. And that's how we win the person. You always have the choice to win the argument and lose the person or lose the argument and win the person.
(18:47) And this is the language of love. That the that I'm willing to be defeated by my beloved. Like in Vrindavan, now Krishna is the supreme lord. He has so much power. There's nobody more powerful than him. But in when his friends wrestle with him, he get defeated. And the friends are jumping, dancing, "Oh, we defeated Krishna.
(19:12) " And Krishna also has to carry them on his back. Uh because that was the condition. Whoever loses. When Krishna steals butter, Yashoda Mai, his mother, runs after him with a stick in her hand. He's running away in fear. It seems he's getting defeated. The one who makes everybody fearless, free from fear, is running away in fear because he likes to be defeated by love.
(19:38) So, if there is true love, if you really love the other person, there should not be any problem in being defeated by them. And always remembering that a difficult phase in a situation in a relationship doesn't mean the relationship itself is wrong. If there is a wound, if there's a cut on my leg, I don't chop off my leg.
(19:58) There's a wound, it needs to be just cared for. I just have to apply some ointment and deal with it. Similarly, a conflict, an argument, or a quarrel in a relationship doesn't mean the relationship itself is wrong. It means there is something in this relationship which is not right, which needs to be set right.
(20:21) Identify that and think about, "Okay, what can be done about it?" >> Mhm. >> And sometimes you bow down, you take a humble position, sometimes the other person will do as long as the relationship remains a priority. >> Yeah. >> And relationship is a two-way street. And the first principle is there should be mutual service to each other.
(20:38) >> Mhm. >> Don't think about your happiness. >> Mhm. >> Think about your partner's happiness. That is the first the foundational step. The moment we start thinking about I, me, and mine, it will fall apart. >> Mhm. >> Like when a boy falls in love with a girl, why are they so happy? >> Mhm. >> Initial days because they're always thinking about each other.
(21:01) Oh, what will please her? What will please him? Let's get give him his favorite food. But after marriage, that's why I always say before marriage wonders happen, after marriage you wonder what happened. >> [laughter] >> What changes is familiarity breeds contempt. >> Huh. >> So, after some time that that desire to please the other person goes away. We are not that careful.
(21:23) >> Mhm. >> And therefore then I, me, and mine, and that's how all the conflicts start. >> Mhm. >> But if both parties are only thinking okay, what will make this person happy and that person is thinking about yours, and you don't have to think she has to think about me or he has to No. >> Mhm. >> You should only be 100% focused on making the other person happy, and the other person also should be focused which is not what you should be thinking what the other person has to think about making you happy. If both parties are thinking
(21:51) about uh each other's happiness, there'll never be any conflicts. >> I want to ask you for your help. Every time this show grows, it becomes easier for us to bring you incredible people. People who are difficult to reach, experts we really want to sit down with, guests who can teach us something we've never heard before.
(22:12) So, if you want us to keep raising the bar, please subscribe. That one click helps us more than you probably realize. And hopefully we can keep giving that value straight back to you. What is that red flag or when should a person say, "Okay, this is a no go. I can't follow or I can't stay in this relationship anymore.
(22:35) " because there are times when it is required for you to step back and maybe protect yourself. >> Yeah. If you have applied all these methods >> Mhm. >> and uh and like serve serve the person trying to resolve the issue and not to blame you you tried your best other person is only thinking about I, me, and mine and not willing to kind of rectify and the behavior becomes like an ongoing thing.
(23:05) No change. And essentially when there is only one person putting in all the effort, the other person is simply busy receiving but not willing to reciprocate. And if this becomes a pattern I think that's a sign. That's a red flag then. That's not a relationship at all anymore. Because relationship, as I said, it's a two-way street.
(23:25) Both parties, the traffic must move from both the directions. >> How does one then take care of the heartache? Because that is a one difficult thing where a lot of people can't even get out of it for years. >> So, we need to understand this universe is not random. Everybody come who comes into our life friends, family, relatives, they're coming from the past life.
(23:49) This past life account. So, not everybody who joins our journey, joins us in our journey is meant to walk with us till the end. Whatever amount of time a person is destined to spend with us they will spend and then they'll move on. So, we have to understand, accept this principle of life that not everybody who starts walking with us will walk till the end.
(24:16) This is life. They will come, spend the amount of time that they have to, and they will go away because every soul has a unique destination, unique karma unique destiny, unique uh uh challenges, and uh that's all, unique journey. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. >> And always remember you are a soul, they are a soul.
(24:39) We just have these external bodies. >> Mhm. >> So, we anyways have no eternal connection with these people around me. They're just bodies. >> Mhm. >> So, they'll come, they'll go. Accept the fact, and uh they will leave you maybe sometimes to make place for somebody better in your life. >> Mhm. >> So, never lose hope. >> Mhm. >> As long as there is hope, we survive.
(25:01) >> Mhm. >> And whatever happens, happens for good. >> How does one then if trust is broken >> Mhm. >> or if somebody is rejected? >> Mhm. >> That is something again with it leaves a very deep scar on your psyche. So, you might come to terms with the fact that, okay, this person is not in my life anymore.
(25:26) But that remainder of, you know, the sediment that remains that goes very far with you, and at times people don't even get out of it completely. Uh how does one put a balm or a salve on this to soothe the soul? >> That time it's like you are in the middle of the quicksand, but the easiest way would be if you have uh some spiritual mentor >> Mhm.
(25:50) >> who can get you out of this. Because in those circumstances more than anything else we need wisdom. >> Mhm. >> And our scriptures are manuals for life. >> Mhm. >> They give us the eternal principles. Like when you buy a gadget, you get a manual. How to operate that gadget, which buttons to press, which ones to avoid pressing continuously or which just need to be pressed occasionally.
(26:17) And then there is helpline numbers also. Which numbers to dial when something goes wrong? >> Mhm. >> So, all the scriptures, all our scriptures have that knowledge. And when that scriptural wisdom comes into our life then we can easily get out of it. And all our scriptures are filled with that. >> Mhm. >> Like Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita, he was depressed.
(26:36) He was anxious. He was crying. He was trembling. Such a powerful warrior. >> Mhm. >> He was experiencing those same symptoms which any person who has had a heartbreak >> Mhm. >> uh would experience. At that time, Krishna first of all did not deny >> Mhm. >> his emotions. He simply gave him wisdom. >> Mhm. >> When he heard that wisdom scriptural wisdom, he came out of it.
(27:02) And then he said, "Now I know what needs to be done." >> Mhm. >> So, use every difficult experience as a lesson. >> Mhm. >> You can visit the past, but don't stay stuck there. >> Mhm. >> And that means Okay, this has happened now. What can I learn from it? >> Mhm. >> And [clears throat] secondly, what can I do to move ahead in life? >> Mhm.
(27:28) >> So, as long as we stay stuck in the past, why did this happen Why did this happen? Why did she or he do this to me? We will continue to suffer. >> Yeah. >> It's all about the internal dialogue. >> Mhm. >> From what Why did this happen to Okay, how can I move ahead? >> Mhm. >> As soon as you shift your mind's focus from the problem to the solution, you will feel much better.
(27:50) >> Mhm. >> And everything is a lesson. >> Mhm. >> That's why there is a saying, "You never fail. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you learn." >> Mhm. >> Learn from the experience. And don't waste time doing shok or lamentation, because human life time is very precious. >> Yeah. >> And every human being is blessed with the ability to make choices.
(28:11) >> Mhm. >> So, now make better choices, learn from it, and look towards the future. >> Yeah. >> That's why there is a saying, "Those who sweat in peace bleed less in war." >> Mhm. >> So, if you have cultivated spiritual strength through your sadhana, through your spiritual practices, when the times were good, you will suffer less compared to others.
(28:33) >> Mhm. Mhm. >> So, what happens is when you're chanting God's names, you're chanting Krishna's names, you're studying scriptures, you're associating with saintly people. So, it helps you build your inner muscles. And then that same situation which gave you so much pain in 10 years ago, now that same situation will still come.
(28:51) It'll give you pain maybe for 2 minutes. Then it'll just disappear. That's how spirituality works. Little by little keeps building our inner muscles. So, what we need is inner strength. Krishna has already explained in the Gita. We live in a world of duality. There is happiness, there is distress. If there is praise, there will be criticism as well.
(29:14) If there are friends, there will be enemies as well. Profit, loss. So, what can we do to deal with these things, situations? He says, "Tolerate. There's no other solution." And to tolerate, we need inner strength, which is synonymous with spiritual strength. >> So, would you say that equanimity is the next step to tolerance? >> Yes.
(29:32) But that's that's not going to be achieved unless you raise yourself to a spiritual platform. >> Yeah. >> So, Krishna explains in the Gita, "What do we get by serving God?" I mean, so so many times people ask. The The goal is you want to be happy. But we live in a world of duality. Situations keep changing. And that hurts you.
(29:51) So, Krishna says, "One who develops divine consciousness by his service to me, by his connection with me, by his contribution to the devotional culture, he develops equanimity. He will not be disturbed amidst any circumstances." So, without raising ourselves to a spiritual platform, we cannot not get affected by these apparent changes that take place in our lives, against our will.
(30:20) >> So, would you say in spirituality, equanimity is the highest goal? >> Yeah, kind of. Yes. That is the That is the byproduct. The real product is that you develop that purity of heart, that pure love and devotion for Krishna. And then equanimity is the byproduct. >> Coming to your source, which is our parents, there is a lot of conflict between people now, parents and children where you know, people have gone to courts.
(30:50) Even the parents have started going to courts against their kids. That also in Kali Yuga we are seeing that your parents or your source is very very crucial to move ahead in the on the path of spirituality. How does one navigate through this? >> So when such things [clears throat] are happening in families, first thing we have to ask ourselves if our children are disrespecting us or behaving badly with us, what have they grown up seeing us do? To our elders, to other family members.
(31:26) The children usually pick up whatever they see their elders doing, their families doing, parents do. They may not follow what you tell them to do, but they will follow what they see you do. So sometimes we have to question ourselves also. Have we been doing the same to our parents, our elders in front of them? What goes around comes around.
(31:49) If we have been like that, then we can't expect our children to be like those first class heavenly gods. We are responsible. It's not children's fault. They are like clean slate. So what culture have we given them? Secondly, when these situations are happening, as I said, a family that prays together stays together because that foundation is totally gone.
(32:11) Therefore, conflicts, quarrels, hypocrisy, disagreements, it is bound to happen. We can't survive. We can't escape this reality. So all I can say is just get back to your roots. Create a strong devotional culture at home where family members regularly come together, at least once a week if they can do. This may sound silly to many, but those who do it will be benefited.
(32:39) Make it a rule in your family that once a week all the family members will come together at least for 2 hours where they can take turns reading from scriptures like Ramayana, Mahabharata, Bhagavad Gita. They can perform arati to the Lord, to Radha Krishna, Sita Ram, Lakshmi Narayan whichever deities they have at home.
(33:01) Um they can chant, they can sing the names of the Lord because this is Kali Yuga and the only thing that can counteract the negative influence of Kali Yuga, which is disagreements, quarrels, hypocrisy is the name of the Lord. Wherever the name of the Lord will be sung and chanted um the name of Lord Hari, Lord Krishna there Kali will not have any effect.
(33:26) It's a fact, it is mentioned in the scripture. This is the medicine for dealing with these dissensions, quarrels. So family members can come together every week, which is not much if it can save your family fabric and keep you happy. Chant the names of the Lord. You can You can perform arati to the Lord.
(33:47) You all can cook nice food that day and offer it to God and then have it together. Spiritual food. And then you see how the whole dynamics of the family uh changes. Guaranteed. You will because when we come together uh for activities like these regularly, then a very powerful energy descends from the spiritual realm, which binds us together.
(34:19) So if people can start doing that, all these things will miraculously disappear. All that they are facing the challenges. Guaranteed. >> What is the simplest way of chanting at home? >> See, you don't need to be a good singer or you don't even need to have instruments. You can just clap and uh sing Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, Hare Hare.
(34:46) Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama, Rama, Hare Hare. So you can just all the family members can come together and keep singing like this. >> Mhm. >> And then on individual level the family members can every day spend some time chanting this mantra. >> Mhm. >> The chanting can be that it's called japa. >> Mhm. >> Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama, Rama, Hare Hare, like that.
(35:11) >> Mhm. >> So every individual can take a vow that every day he will chant two rounds. Two rounds is 108 into two. >> Mhm. >> Or you can chant four. >> Mhm. >> The more the family members take this responsibility on an individual level to do it every day >> Mhm. >> and collectively once a week the more love you will see manifest amongst all of them.
(35:32) >> Mhm. >> Every family member can take turns and see how that love suddenly begins to dawn >> Mhm. >> on the family members. The bond becomes much stronger. >> Mhm. Now you had mentioned that in Kali Yuga chanting is or has been is the only way. Why do Yagyas not work? >> So for example, you go to a doctor and you have some kind of pain in your body and he gives you a particular type of medicine.
(36:04) And 10 days later you go and he gives you another medicine. So you will ask him, but why not the same medicine? Because he says the symptoms are different now. Even though the pain is there, but the symptoms are different. You need different kind of medicine. So you have to take medicine as per the prescription of the doctor, not whimsically.
(36:21) >> Mhm. >> So similarly, there are four Yugas, Satya, Treta, and Dwapara, and Kali Yuga. So in every Yuga the spiritual practice changes. >> Mhm. >> So there is a verse Kṛte dhyāyato viṣṇuṁ tretāyāṁ yajato makhaiḥ dvāpare paricaryāyāṁ kalau tad hari-kīrtanāt. >> [snorts] >> In Satya Yuga the process was meditation on the form of the Lord, tapasya.
(36:46) Treta Yuga Yuga to okay. In Treta Yuga the process was Yuga. >> Mhm. >> So whenever anybody had a desire >> Yeah. >> for spiritual elevation and material desires, they would perform Yugas. >> Mhm. >> Like that should Maharaj perform a Yuga to get Ram. >> Yeah. >> In Dwapar Yuga the process became temple worship. >> Mhm.
(37:06) >> Duty worship. Kalautad Hari Kirtanad. In Kali Yuga the process is Hari Kirtan. >> Mhm. Mhm. >> So therefore the Lord has given this scriptures as as word. And because it is mentioned in the scriptures that as the process. So therefore we follow it and we see the results also. >> Mhm. >> Because the Yuga is different.
(37:25) The symptoms are acute. >> Mhm. >> So wherever nothing else works because this age is so full of faults and so sinful that are mountains of sins. >> Mhm. >> So no other process will work. >> Mhm. >> For tapasya in Satya Yuga, now where do we have that kind of mind? It's constantly distracted. >> Mhm. >> For tapasya the prerequisite is focused mind and attention, control of mind and senses.
(37:50) Where do we have that control? >> Mhm. >> For Yugas where do we have the qualified priests? >> Mhm. >> Those Yugas were elaborately done, the amount of wealth required, the charity, whether they are chanting the mantras properly or not. Where do we find that? >> Mhm. >> Our purity, our sincerity. Nowadays people sometimes they have poojas at home and all the family members are getting up and sitting and busy with the phone, calling out to the maids and so much is happening.
(38:15) So that's not required. >> Mhm. >> Temple worship, duty worship, we don't have that level of punctuality or cleanliness to carry out that duty. >> Mhm. >> Because duty worship requires punctuality and cleanliness, two things. So today's everything is upside down in Kali Yuga. So where no other medicine works, the name of the Lord works.
(38:36) So the name of the Lord does not require any conditions. >> Mhm. >> In any situation, whether it is chanted knowingly, unknowingly. Like if you're are during a Yuga or tapasya you won't be successful. But the name of the Lord acts like fire. >> Mhm. >> Just like if you touch fire with attentively or inattentively, while sleeping or while being awake, even if a child touches it, >> Mhm.
(38:59) >> or you touch it jokingly, out of anger, it will still burn you. >> Mhm. >> So, the name of the Lord is such that it is the only process that whichever way it is chanted, it burns away our lifetimes of karma and instantly establishes that connection with the Lord. >> Mhm. >> So, the name of the Lord is something that the Lord has invested all his powers and blessings in.
(39:21) >> Mhm. >> So, whatever you could achieve in Satyuga through meditation, through tapasya, through yagya in Treta, through temple worship in Dwapar, all that and much more is achieved simply by sitting at home and chanting his names. So, what could be the easiest, yet the most powerful process? >> So, would you say, since you are an engineer, qualified engineer, and I am a doctor, so scientifically thinking, what comes to my mind, if one has to dissect it scientifically, so to say, is that sound is energy. It changes the
(39:54) vibrations in our body. And given that today there is so much distraction and chaos around, would you say that that's why maybe scriptures have analyzed this? Because I firmly believe that whether it is Bhagavad Gita or whether it is our scriptures has a very strong scientific >> Yeah. >> basis to it. It is scientific.
(40:14) It is a scientific journal. So, therefore, chanting creates a certain vibrations in our body, therefore aligning our mind, body, and soul. >> Easy. Because mind is very sensitive to the sound. >> Mhm. >> And the most powerful sound is the name of God. So, Vedanta Sutra, a book which has a the essence of all of the scriptures, and of course, the essence of Vedanta Sutra is Bhagavatam, Srimad Bhagavat, which is the highest scripture.
(40:42) Both talk about the same thing, the chanting. And in Vedanta Sutra, the last aphorism is Anavrittih Sabdat. Which simply means liberation by sound. Then one can be liberated simply by the power of sound, but which sound? The sound of God's name. So the commentary says the sound of God's names by divine sound. So however sinful we might be, however distracted or feeling down uh we might.
(41:15) But if you start chanting and I'm not saying again believe me blindly. Experiment for the next 3 days. Chant every day in the morning half an hour. And the only condition is when you're chanting Hare Krishna Hare Krishna this mantra, try to focus on the sound of the mantra. That is the only technique or the only condition.
(41:40) It will definitely benefit you. But you will start seeing the benefits in 3 days only. Every morning half an hour sit and try to focus on the sound of the mantra as you chant. The mind will wander away. As soon as you realize that, bring it back. Again focus on the sound. Keep doing this.
(41:59) And just observe your consciousness through the day. You'll feel so blissful. You'll feel so light. So this is the only way the sound can liberate us in the sound of God's name. >> Now coming to developing a relationship with Krishna, how does one start? You said yes, chanting is one thing, but if for example, if I'm angry, can I speak to Krishna? If I'm lonely, because that's another epidemic I would say today.
(42:25) You know, and we will talk about that a little bit later. So how does one start with the relationship with Krishna when there is so much chaos around? >> The first step in spiritual life is hearing about him. So hear from the devotees from the Gita, from the Bhagavatam, his words, his pastimes. And gradually you will start developing that connection.
(42:46) And then you chant, the connection becomes deeper. And the more you engage in these activities, that means the more time you spend with him, the more that relationship develops. So, hear about him. The first step would be the hearing the Gita, and then you chant also simultaneously. That'll deepen the relationship.
(43:06) >> Mhm. >> And yes, you can definitely talk to Krishna as a friend. You can talk in anger. You can express your thoughts. He likes that kind of relationship. In fact, he says that he's not too interested um prayers which are filled with awe and reverence. >> Mhm. >> He says that the abusive words of the gopis of Vrindavan are more pleasing to me than the hymns of the Vedas.
(43:33) Because those words are filled with love. >> Mhm. >> So, he appreciates and he wants that kind of relationship with his devotee where there's no formality. >> Mhm. >> So, you talk to him as your friend, as your family member, and he reciprocates accordingly. So, you definitely can do that. >> I do not want to ask you to subscribe just because you are here.
(43:57) But if this conversation has made you think, taught you something, or given you even one idea you can use in your life, then I have one request. Hit subscribe. It tells us that we are doing something right. It tells us to keep going. If we have earned that click today, I would appreciate if you hit that button.
(44:18) Now, coming to the increasing level of loneliness like I mentioned, uh there are times when you're surrounded by people. You're surrounded by family or friends, yet one hears that, "Oh my god, I'm so lonely." Um why? >> It's a mind. >> Mhm. >> Uncontrolled mind. >> Mhm. >> Fear, anxiety, depression, uncertainty, worry, and loneliness.
(44:44) These are all symptoms of the uncontrolled mind. >> Mhm. >> So, you have to take care of the mind. >> Mhm. >> And taking care of the mind, there are dos and don'ts. Let's discuss the don'ts first. You know, we are very careful these days what goes inside our body. >> Mhm. >> People are counting their calories. >> Yeah. >> They have their whole schedule set up.
(45:05) They have their dieticians. >> Mhm. >> From morning till evening what they have to eat. Everything is so well organized. But how careful are we in filtering what goes inside our mind? Our mind is like a sponge. Whatever we hear, whatever we eat, whatever we see, whatever people we associate with, whatever content we watch, everything is being absorbed.
(45:30) That energy is being absorbed by the mind. And when you are engaging in these activities, you're not realizing everything carries energy. >> Mhm. >> The energy is being absorbed by the mind. >> Mhm. >> And those energies then start manifesting within your mind and therefore even when you're sitting with thousands of people, you feel lonely.
(45:52) You have caught that vibe. >> Mhm. >> Huh, which is being you've been infected. >> Mhm. >> That is one, the association, plus the scriptures say the maximum contamination of our consciousness, our mind happens through the food we eat. >> Mhm. >> Why there is a concept of offering food to God before you eat it? Because it becomes free from that negative energy.
(46:12) >> Mhm. >> It's not that he needs it. We need it. >> Mhm. >> You eat the kind of food and the person who has cooked it, how that food food was procured, who has served it. All the energy has gone into the food. When you eat it, suddenly you will start feeling why am I feeling so down and out, so drained? >> Mhm.
(46:29) >> Because you've been affected, you've been infected by that energy. So we have to carefully filter out what is not needed. We can't feed junk >> Yeah. >> to our body whole day and expect to sleep peacefully at night. Similarly, we can't keep feeding junk to the mind whole day. >> Mhm. >> Gossip, criticism, unfiltered content, >> Mhm.
(46:52) >> I mean, no uh discrimination when we eat, the kind of places we visit filled with tamogun. >> Mhm. >> So, you associate with all these things, you do all these things. You can't expect your mind to be peaceful. >> Mhm. >> So, first thing is, as I said, lead try to lead a very pure satvik lifestyle. >> Yeah.
(47:11) >> Eat satvik food, offer it to God first. Associate with right kind of people. >> Mhm. >> And most importantly, avoid the uh association of uh people who have the habit of gossiping. >> Mhm. >> Because gossip is nothing but sophisticated term for criticism, fault finding. >> Mhm. >> And such people will always carry a lot of negative energy.
(47:36) >> Mhm. >> And that's what is coming out. It's like a BMC truck. When it opens its mouth, only trash comes out. So, some people are like that. They carry the trash inside and they just want to dump it on you. >> Yeah. >> And then you carry the trash trash back home and you feel, "Why am I smelling >> Mhm. >> so bad?" >> [laughter] >> So, you have to avoid the association of those people who like to criticize, gossip.
(47:58) >> Mhm. >> If somebody gossips to you about somebody else, then know that you are next. >> Yeah. >> [laughter] >> That is don'ts. And secondly, do's. Do two things >> Mhm. >> and your mind will be peaceful. Uh in Sanskrit, the mind is known as man. >> Mhm. >> So, the most powerful way to control the man is mantra, again, coming back to the chanting.
(48:22) >> Yep. >> Liberation by sound. >> Mhm. >> However down and out you might be feeling, the scriptures have clearly mentioned if you simply start chanting Lord Krishna, Lord Hari's names regularly, instantly your consciousness can be uplifted. >> Mhm. >> And secondly, you have to strengthen your intelligence because the the work of the intelligence is to discriminate and help you take the right decisions in life.
(48:46) >> Mhm. >> So, intelligence gets strengthened by regular scriptural study. >> Mhm. >> So, even if you spend 20 minutes a day, pick up the Gita, pick up the Ramayana, pick up the Bhagavat, pick up Mahabharat. Read these scriptures even if you don't understand them, even if you don't remember what you have studied.
(49:04) It is sadhana. Just sit with read five pages a day. Make it a rule. Five pages will take you maybe 15-20 minutes. Max to max, maybe 15 minutes. And chant 20-30 minutes a day in the morning. So, at least give 45 to 1 hour in the morning to these two activities. Half an hour chanting, half an hour of uh study of scripture.
(49:25) And then see how your whole mindset changes. Then even you're living in the most lonely place in the world, you will feel blissful. >> Yeah. So, when uh you know, I've had a couple of my clients who in their homes have to live with toxic people. So, you can't really dissociate. It's easier said than done that okay, walk out. You can't do that.
(49:49) Uh how does one deal with toxicity at home? >> No, I'm not saying in every situation you have to walk out. That's why I said strengthen the mind through chanting. And uh strengthen the intelligence through um scriptural study. This will give you the necessary strength and intelligence to deal with these situations. >> Yeah. >> The example I always give is that of Mirabai.
(50:10) Now, she was a princess. And she was a devotee of Krishna. And her family members didn't like it. Her mother-in-law, her sister-in-law were very toxic. To the point that they decided to kill her. So, they tried so many things. Every day literally there was a conspiracy to kill, to eliminate Mirabai. A snake was sent to bite her.
(50:36) There were nails spread on her bed. There was poison sent to kill her, but she survived all of it. Now, in this situation, the reaction the response could be one is you feel very sad. Why are they doing this to me? Another is neutral. I'm not affected. But Mirabai, it is mentioned that she wasn't even aware >> Mhm.
(51:04) >> that all these things were happening to her. >> Mhm. >> Because her her mind was so focused on Krishna, >> Mhm. >> it was so absorbed in something higher that is she didn't even have time and energy to think about these lower things. >> Mhm. >> It's all about what what frequency we are tuned into. >> Mhm. >> So nobody, not even karma, not even other people, not not not even situation, not even the nine planets have the power to make our life miserable unless we allow it to.
(51:33) >> Mhm. >> Things may happen to us, but whether we suffer from something or not will depend on our response to those things, to those situations. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> If somebody abuses us and we said "Get lost. I'm not bothered." So I'm not bothered, literally. But if I just keep on thinking, "Why did he say like that? Why did she say like that?" then I suffer.
(51:55) >> Mhm. >> Same situation, but how I respond decides what happens to me. >> Mhm. >> So >> [clears throat] >> for that you need to make your mind and intelligence strong. You have to have inner strength. So this will not affect you. >> How does one staying in sansar still follow the principles of bhakti or, you know, getting detached? Because the fear that I see in many people is like, "Oh my god, I can't do Vipassanā.
(52:23) I can't follow this because it will make me detached from everybody and everything, and I don't want to feel the sense of detachment. I love being attached to ABC." >> If you see the scriptures, 99% of examples that are given, people who attained great spiritual heights are those of great kings and family members. >> Mhm. >> So spiritual life is not a life of rejection, it is a life of connection.
(52:47) >> Mhm. >> We are not expected to give up anything, we are expected to add something more valuable to our life. >> Mhm. >> An addition should not be a problem. >> Mhm. >> If you have a $1 million check and I give you one more, would you refuse it? >> Mhm. >> No, only a foolish person would refuse. >> Mhm. >> So we are just saying you have so much uh valuable already in your life, so many things.
(53:13) Why don't you add one more? Mangal Bhavan Amangal Hari, when the Lord enters your life, he only makes your life auspicious and anything which is inauspicious, he takes it away. And so, why should we be afraid of losing something that is inauspicious? Spirituality does not take us away from family or society.
(53:33) It just makes us deeper into it. It does not take away our enjoyment, rather it amplifies it. >> You know, at times we hear people praying and then coming and saying that, you know, we've prayed, we've led a pure life, yet this negative incident happened in my life. Or we see bad things happening to good people.
(53:53) How does one navigate through that difficult point in life? >> Amara, because we have a very stereotype understanding of what is good and what is bad for us. One is we have to understand the kind of world we are living in. It's called Dukhalayam. Krishna has stamped this world as Dukhalayam, a place of dukha.
(54:13) So, there will be prominently misery. Little happiness here and there, but that will also carry seed of distress. So, in a place of dukha, you cannot expect sukha. Whatever we get is bonus. So, the problem is we are in a wrong place. First, even if you are the most innocent and sinless person, please know the kind of world we are living in. This is material world.
(54:38) It has been given names like Karagar, a prison cell. You can't expect happiness in a prison cell, a deep dark well, unfathomable ocean. These are very scary places. So, these are the words which have been used to describe this world. So, in this world, how can we expect some peace? So, that un- unrealistic expectation has to be given up.
(55:01) Even if you are the most sinless, innocent person, still there will be problems in this world. That's the nature of the world which we can't do anything about. As long as we are in this world, there will be problems. So, if you want to be free from problems forever, then we have to go to the spiritual world. And that is what this human life has been given for.
(55:22) So, we prepare for that in the process and that is by the process of bhakti yoga. We engage in chanting the Lord's names, remembering him, serving him, studying scriptures, by the blessings of saintly people. Those things will help us gain that kingdom. Because sooner or later one day we have to leave this world and we have to go somewhere.
(55:44) So, prepare for that highest destination. As long as we are here, there will be challenges. Secondly, we have our past karma also. Because karma follows the person, the soul like a calf follows the mother cow. So, in this lifetime we might have been very good, but then there is a stock coming from the previous lifetimes.
(56:03) So, till that gets exhausted, we may not see the favorable circumstances. We just see our movie after the interval, but if you start watching from the beginning, we will realize that we have been the villain. We think we are the hero. >> [laughter] >> So, that is one thing and again those spiritual practices which I just mentioned, why should I practice spirituality? Because that helps you nullify those karmas due to which you suffer.
(56:32) So, the root cause of suffering will be gone and then you can lead a happy life. Third is remember that nothing is permanent in this world. That is the second word Krishna used, शाश्वतम्. This too shall pass. If there is happiness today, there will be distress. Distress, there is happiness. So, we live in a world of duality.
(56:52) So, in all situations, how do we remain faithful and maintain our faith? Focusing on what we have been given in life, blessed with in life. Like in the Mahabharata, the Pandavas, they were first cousins of Krishna. They are pure devotees, they are innocent, they are sinless, still they had to go through so much.
(57:09) But one thing, one of the principles which is which is mentioned by Bhishma Deva that protected the Pandavas in spite of all the dangers that came into their lives. There was an attempt to kill them uh almost every day, burn them alive, poison them. Wife was insulted. They were stripped out of their kingdom, their wealth, and that great war of Kurukshetra uh irreligiously fought by Duryodhana and others at during some days.
(57:36) Uh so still they remained protected. One of the principles mentioned is their faith in Krishna. >> Mhm. >> No matter what happened to them, >> Mhm. >> they never complained >> Mhm. >> that why is Krishna doing this to me or why is this happening to me? We have not done anything wrong. They realize it's our own karma coming back or this is the world we are living in.
(57:56) >> Mhm. >> That is a separate thing and our faith is a separate thing. And because they stayed faithful, they did not give up their spiritual practices, they did not give up their faith, so Krishna took it upon himself to protect them. >> Mhm. >> So remember when we are going through something and at the same time we have been very faithful to God, that means worst was going to happen and you just token has been given to you.
(58:19) >> Mhm. >> Remember the Lord is merciful. He will never do anything wrong. I will never let you uh let let anything wrong happen to you. >> Mhm. >> You just uh maintain an attitude of gratitude. >> Mhm. >> Instead of thinking why am I not getting this or why is this happening to me? Focus on what you have been blessed with in life.
(58:41) And if you compare your life, you will find you are still more fortunate than billions of people in the world. And therefore I like to quote this story often. Uh there was this famous Wimbledon player player Arthur Ashe. >> Mhm. >> He was a man of God, a believer. And everybody knew in 1983 he was diagnosed with HIV positive terminal illness because of some infected blood which was given to him during a heart surgery.
(59:09) So his fans were writing to him, they were devastated. That So, one of them wrote, "Arthur, you were a man of God. Why did God choose you only to give you this deadly disease? Why only you?" And to this Arthur Ashe replied, he said, "50 million children started playing tennis. >> Mhm. >> Out of which only 5 million learned to play tennis.
(59:34) Out of 5 million only 5 lakhs learned professional tennis. Out of 5 lakhs only 50,000 came to circuit. Out of 50 only 5,000 reached Grand Slam. Out of five only 50 reached Wimbledon. Out of 50 only four reached the semi-finals. Out of four only two reached the finals. And only one held the trophy. And when I was holding that trophy in my hand, I never asked God, why only me? So, now that I am in pain, how can I ask God why me? >> Wow.
(1:00:13) >> This is the power of spirituality. Because in life we keep comparing ourselves with others. And comparison creates artificial poverty in our life, because we stop focusing on what we have been blessed with, what we have received so much in life, and start thinking what little things which others have which we do not have.
(1:00:33) >> Mhm. >> If you focus on your blessings, blessings expand and occupy your consciousness, you are happy. And if uh you focus on something that you don't have, that consciousness expands and then you suffer. Even if you've been blessed with so much. If you're getting three meals to eat, if you have a house to live, you're still more fortunate than uh billions of people all over the world.
(1:00:55) >> Yeah. Mhm. >> He continues. He says, "Happiness keeps you sweet. Trials keep you strong. Sorrows keep you human. Failures keep you humble. Success keeps you glowing. But only faith keeps you going. Sometimes you're not satisfied with your life while many people in this world are dreaming of living your life. >> Very powerful.
(1:01:26) >> A child on a farm sees a plane fly overhead dreams of flying while a pilot on the plane sees the farmhouse and dreams of returning home. That's life. Enjoy yours. If wealth is the secret to happiness then the rich should be dancing on the streets but only poor kids do that. If power ensures security then VIPs should walk unguarded but those who live simply sleep soundly.
(1:01:55) If beauty and fame bring ideal relationships then celebrities should have the best marriages. Live simply, be happy walk humbly and love genuinely. Why me by Arthur Ashe. >> So powerful. >> So he was not bothered about what he was losing. He was more thinking what what he had received so much in life. And therefore it was not hurting him anymore.
(1:02:22) It is the mind. What you're focusing your mind upon. That's all. Focus on your blessings I always say write down your 10 blessings that you have been given in life on a piece of paper take photocopies or write on three three pages. You can paste them in two three areas of your house where you can see you can go through that list.
(1:02:48) The first time after you wake up in the morning five six times go through that. During the day also go through that. So twice thrice in a day you do. So what you're doing is you are conditioning your mind to focus on the blessings blessings blessing blessings and that's how the mind keeps thinking now.
(1:03:04) Now even if you lose one or two things or you do not have one or two things your mind will still stay focused on I have at least these 10 things. So why should I bother? So we should realize that first of all getting a human form we are very fortunate. Among 8.4 million species, only four lakh types are humans. And then, we have so much opportunity to cultivate God consciousness.
(1:03:29) We have been blessed with the ability to make choices, so we can refine our choices and prepare for a better future. We are getting to eat, we have a house. We are fortunate than billions of people. >> Yeah. >> And if you keep remembering these, then other things won't matter much. >> Yeah. Absolutely. >> be grateful and thankful for what we have been given.
(1:03:51) And God knows what is best for us, he will give us what we need. >> Mhm. >> And what whatever we need more, whenever, he will give us that, too, provided we remain faithful. Thank you so much. >> Thank you so much. Hare Krishna. You came here, shared such pearls of wisdom. It definitely, somewhere deep down, I feel like I have learned so much, and I'm definitely going to put some of the tips and tricks that you have taught me uh into action right from the time I leave from here.
(1:04:19) So, heartfelt gratitude. Thank you. >> Thank you so much. Hare Krishna. >> Hare Krishna. I want to ask you for something slightly different. Do not just watch the show. Talk to me. Tell me who you want me to speak to. Tell me what questions you want answered. Tell me what we should explore next. I actually read these comments and we use them.
(1:04:41) So, subscribe, stay with us, and leave your ideas below. I really do want you to help me shape where this show goes next.
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