Why Do the People You Love Hurt You the Most ? Shocking Spiritual Reality Exposed । DAAJI

Why Do the People You Love Hurt You the Most ? Shocking Spiritual Reality Exposed । DAAJI

Author Name:Speaking Tree

Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@speakingtree

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Transcript:
(00:03) It is bound to happen. There are some pains which speak out loudly. Some pains they go very silent. Never expressed. No. They're opposites, remember? They will always fight. >> I do feel that in some connections you have an expiry date. Like a person comes into your life for a particular period of time.
(00:36) And then they go away. Now it's up to you, you keep remembering the lessons or you keep the grudges or you keep thinking I also want to take the revenge. How to >> [music] >> understand this very notion that every connection is for a limited time. >> So there has to be a balance in relationship. >> Sometimes what happens out of your own ego, you let go of a person because of the circumstances, you don't want to have a future with that person and now that person is hurt.
(01:19) Do you think that they are going to meet again in the coming lives to settle that come? Namaste everyone. I'm your host Rangoli Sharma and I welcome you once again to another enlightening episode of Speaking Tree. I want you to really think about this. They say that every relationship, every connection in your life be it your parents, your partner, your children, even a stranger, they all come to help you and uplift you in your own soul journey.
(02:04) But, have you ever wondered why these are the same relationships that make you suffer so much? How does our soul decide the soul contract that this person will be my father, this person will be my partner, this person will be my kid? At the same time, why some relationships are so beautiful and so uplifting? And some relationships, they make you suffer a lot.
(02:31) What is the truth about soulmates and twin flames? And you know, I personally believe that one of the best and most beautiful connections that a human has is with his own self. But, some of us, we spend our whole lives to understand who am I? What is my connection, my relationship with my own self? And lastly, I've asked a very profound question of, what is my relationship with the almighty, Paramatma? So, if you do keep wondering about these questions, this is the podcast for you.
(02:59) And the man who has joined me today, although he doesn't need any introduction, and whenever I sit with him, I feel so free and my childlike curiosity just pours out and he satisfies my childlike curiosity like no one else. Let's welcome global spiritual leader of Heartfulness Movement, best-selling author, and Padma Bhushan, Kamlesh D.
(03:23) Patel, also called as Daaji. Daaji, thank you for joining me today. >> Namaskaram, Rangoli. >> Such an honor to sit with you again today, and thank you for inviting me again to Kanha. >> Thank you. Thank you. >> Daaji, I personally believe that one of the best part of being a human is to have connections. You know, how colorful our life is when we have connections, when we have relationships.
(03:47) But, unfortunately, these are the same connections that make us suffer a lot. How I not suffer in relationships? That would be my first question. No matter it's with my parent, with my partner, with my kid, with my friend. How do I make sure that I do not get hurt in relationship? >> It is bound to happen. There are some pains which speak out loudly.
(04:13) Some pains to go very silent. Never expressed. And this happens to everyone. >> [sighs] >> Not only Avatar Purushas, but also kings, common man, politicians, to everyone. Even film stars, so-called gods and goddesses of modern days. Look at their lives. See? >> [sighs] >> There's a deep psychology behind relationships. Something we chose before birth.
(04:51) Soul before taking birth chooses parents. Soul descends and incarnates with a purpose. That in this familiar environment, I'll be able to uplift myself and evolve. So, it comes with this particular mission in mind. Okay. >> [sighs] >> Now, having descended and incarnated, somehow it forgets the purpose for which it has taken the birth.
(05:24) There is one drawback. Nature puts this veil of ignorance. >> [sighs] >> Anyway, if we understand this much, we should be grateful also. Okay. Anyway, I have forgotten this, but there is a purpose. There is a higher call, higher purpose. Now, with that choice in mind of higher goal fulfilling the higher goal. Parents are chosen.
(05:53) Later on, spouses are chosen. Later on, kids also take birth choosing you as father or mother. So, if the whole thing goes around. Problem comes equally when you love a person so much, it's the same person who hurts you the deepest. >> Absolutely. >> Because the whole life is full of polarities. >> [sighs] >> So, soul relationship but then if this is my soulmate or this person is not my soulmate, how do you decide that? So, I'm your Buddha job five questions say we will start with the original descent of
(06:40) trillions of souls that descended from the source. Electricity example that I will give you. Electricity flow gets out to be is a positive current and there is negative. They attract and repel, attract and repel and it keeps on flowing. Polarity makes the flow. Prakruti or Purusha positive and negative. >> Okay.
(07:13) >> Suppose Atman in its flow descending flow from the source is at one level. Another Atman is another level. They cannot become soulmates. There's a big difference, vibratory difference. >> But you both have to be at the same level. >> It has to be let us see this is 10 positive, this has to be 10 negative to have perfect match.
(07:42) So, both are needed. Okay. No. They're opposites, remember. They will always fight. >> Two lost part of the same class. >> They Yeah. Their frequencies are same. So, sometimes when they work together, they can't escape from each other, also. Moment they accept that despite of this opposite nature of both, they remain together against the resistance, then they will be able to progress faster.
(08:27) Spiritually, meaning inner connection will be deep. Relationship with God also will be enhanced based on this acceptance. Suppose relationship may happen, accept me, yeah. Or bullying again, I tolerate you. I know they look especially every Dubai make Department of Tolerance rule, yeah. United States may be able to take let's have a law for tolerance.
(09:01) >> Tolerating each other. >> Tolerating racism, for example. It's a I think this is a wrong approach. Calling your spouse that I tolerate you, I think it's quite insulting. >> Very disrespectful. >> So, life situation may be when we accept God, I accept this situation instead of saying I tolerate this because you are punishing me, but since you are God, I tolerate your gift.
(09:32) That will be insulting to God, also. So, despite of adverse circumstances. If you can go through that without escaping, you will evolve. Another example I give you from Mahabharat. Under a difficult situation, Arjun was tormented from within. That that Kumar okay. I've got kindergarten teachers Kumar okay. Imagine the torments he went through.
(10:14) I'm going to be sad to put the Arjun beside yoga first chapter. Krishna did not tell him you escape from this. He said perform your Dharma. I'll come marriages may good girl to go that they can seek. Is the bulky? The children to go to the other year plan to go to the other year. The love the love the love. >> I know children to go to the other year plan to go to the other year can seek the color that I have.
(10:48) I don't plan to go to the other year to go. I love the love the love to go to the other year to go. Such escapism, easy escapes can never fulfill your life. >> And then the same person will meet you again in another another life. >> plan to go to the other year until you pass that tough question in exams. >> Right.
(11:08) >> Tougher questions will come. So, to be divorced is never a solution in any marriage. >> Yeah. >> When especially when you already have children and then father and mother decides to stay apart, that's the worst curse. I've got to go get my bread. love. >> And that you that person is also part of your soul contract now that you attracted such a person who would test your limits.
(11:40) >> That's true. They they choose their own circumstantial choice. >> And sometimes even love marriages happen that way. You know yourself like that person and then after 2 years you're asking yourself what did I do? >> This is a very beautiful song. I think there was a movie called Julie or something. It not be possible to go to school and not be able to go to school because there has to be a balance in a relationship.
(12:23) Same thing again, the magnet and the iron. It not be able to go to school because the magnet cannot attract the iron foils. It not be able to go to school because the magnet cannot attract the iron foils. The best to me in a couple husband and wife or with children or with parents or you name it corporate offices.
(12:52) If people can meditate even for 2 3 minutes together it will change the environment. >> The collective frequency of that. >> And I do recommend husband and wife, if not meditate together every morning, at least you are together at night. Hold each other's hand and at least breathe, inhale and exhale at the same frequency, at the same rate.
(13:20) And close your eyes and remember God and see what happens to your relationship. This will absolutely change the relationship and such couple you know, when they have improved the relationship so much the incoming soul also will have a different vibratory level matching yours. You see, you cannot fabricate that for this moment of conception I will fake myself and say I have become so God loving.
(13:53) >> Absolutely. >> Right. So, you have to practice that from the beginning itself. That has to become your second nature. So, whole relationship gamut is completely based on your vibratory level your purity. Purity and simplicity heightens your own frequency. And hopefully, your presence will change others also.
(14:19) >> Absolutely. >> You become contagious. If a mere virus can have such a devastating effect through the world like COVID virus imagine a one thoroughly changed person in a family. May not change the communities, but you will be able to change your own home environment. >> Absolutely. As you from here, I would like to ask.
(14:45) I do feel that in some connections, you have an expiry date. Like a person comes into your life for a particular period of time. And then, they go away. Now, it's up to you. You keep remembering the lessons or you keep the grudges or you keep thinking, I also want to take the revenge. How to understand this very notion that every connection is for a limited time? Because we get so attached to our connections.
(15:16) We get so attached to our kids. We get so attached to our parents that in every life I want you. But, that is also a form of possession, no? >> It is true and it is very complex also. It's not very easy to respond to you in one podcast. But, >> [sighs] >> simply put, the when we assign an expiry date on relationship, you see, the smallest or the shortest relationship I have seen in people is abortion or miscarriage.
(15:57) Miscarriage for whatever reasons. There's so many reasons. And then mother goes through so much of trauma. Right? How to console such a mother? She has to She will not be able to see the reality. No one sees that reality. Why such a soul came for such a short time in such a womb? What was the purpose behind it? Mutual karma is one explanation.
(16:32) Another one is that atman needed only very short time, especially when mother is meditating. They were just inches away from liberation, the incoming soul. Benefits by mother's meditation and just within two months to leave. Their their job is done. On one side you feel that such a cruel soul came and now mother is tormenting over the miscarriage.
(17:00) >> Exactly. >> But then mother has to understand this much. Short time, be lucky that such a soul came in your life. Who was there, gave you gift of his or her presence in your womb. And now it's on its on further journey thanks to your spiritual practices. There are other kinds of miscarriages or abortion by choice.
(17:27) >> Willingly. >> Yeah, that is different expiry date. You have preponed your expiry date yourself. >> Right. You've created a bigger karma, right? >> Yeah, bigger karma. Um In boyfriend-girlfriend relationship generally it has a very short-term expiry date, but it carries a lot of wounds, deeper wounds in the heart.
(17:49) What can be done with that thing? I don't know. I can only offer solutions. >> What is the solution? >> Solution is just meditate and clean yourself out of that emotional baggage. >> Right. Forgive yourself and forgive that soul. >> Both of them. Both It's needed both sides, see. But active not active forgiving.
(18:11) It has to become natural within you. When you when you breathe it's natural. Do you know you're breathing? >> No. It just happens. >> When you forgive someone often we remember >> that you did that to me. >> Uh you still have the impression of what had happened. >> You did >> The seeds of pain are still lingering there.
(18:37) So, as long as seeds are there, they will trouble you. Moment it becomes natural, yeah, ho gaya so ho gaya. That is natural, see. And you don't even think that I have forgiven. It just happens. But that's your nature not to touch not to allow anything to touch you. That's why Gita's message is very simple. Lead a life in such a way like a lotus leaf in dirty pond.
(19:08) Surrounded by so many relationships relation with the mud with the frog that sits on its leaf. It absorbs nothing. So, in relationships also, we have to maintain that what we call lotus leaf-like state. >> Brahji, sometimes what happens, out of your own ego, you let go of a person because of the circumstances.
(19:39) You don't want to have a future with that person. And now that person is hurt. Do you think that they are going to meet again in the coming lives to settle that karma? >> Uh >> [clears throat] >> it's beyond my uh league to say such a thing. But it depends again how heavily you are connected. >> Mhm. >> Was it temporary with a short expiry date in this life? And that you want to make sure that it comes with a longer expiry date in your words in the future life? >> Mhm.
(20:15) >> You see, that's why this idea of surrender to God, it's so important. And my lord, I leave it to you. I'll put you on camera. I mean, you know, [snorts] you do whatever you like. And when we give this uh choice in the hands of the God, then you are free. So, this is the only thing that can protect us through any good or bad outcome of relationship.
(20:47) With good, you will not be so elated and become euphoric. With bad, also, you will not regret it. Yeah. But now you have surrendered. You really yeah. Not that you are defeated in life, but you have given the helms of your life in the hands of someone who can better manage your life. So, again and again we see the importance of bhakti saranagati in one's life.
(21:16) >> Daji, from here I am want to ask a very fun question. Yesterday you were telling me a very personal story of your proposal to a girl. From here I want to ask, do you believe in soulmates? Because these days, especially people of my age in the youth, there is a lot of um knowledge about the ideas of soulmates and twin flames.
(21:39) So, what is what is your >> Definitely they are there. Definitely they are there. >> Definitely they are there. They may marry you, they may not marry you. They can may come near you or may not come near you. But you're always connected. Because it was created by God. As I said, as you descended, >> Mhm. >> that positive, whether you call purusha or the prakriti, they were together.
(22:04) >> Mhm. >> You may come together or not, that's a different story. But your joys and your sorrows are felt by that person, >> Mhm. >> wherever that person is. >> Mhm. Does one get married to their soulmate, Daji? Does that happen? >> Very rare. >> Very rare. How would a soulmate relationship or marriage would feel like? >> Ideal.
(22:29) >> Daji, I have seen this that, you know, when some sometimes what happens, two very powerful people come together. And not just their own bond, they contribute a lot to the world as well. Like they come here with a big mission that, you know, you and I will both come together and we would uplift the collective consciousness as well.
(22:48) >> Have you seen such a couple? >> Sometimes. >> They don't exist. >> Shiv Shakti. >> Now, since you put Shiva and Shakti here, you have triggered a big controversy. >> Which is? >> He was eternal yogi. Eternal brahmachari. >> Mhm. >> So, how do you say he married Devi Parvati? >> We read the stories in the shastras that come up in >> say stories are stories, but reality is something else.
(23:25) He was eternal brahmachari. >> Mhm. >> I will say only this much for now. >> Mhm. Do you think that girl was your soulmate? >> [laughter] >> You were telling me about last yesterday. Do you think you had a soulmate connection with that person? On a fun note, I'm asking this. >> Fun note, well, in retrospect, I say no.
(23:48) >> Okay. >> I love to be honest with that. >> Mhm. Great. But as we were discussing that one of the most beautiful relationships that you can have in this life is with your own self. How do I have a very healthy relationship with my own self? How do I understand myself? Because life is long. This is one of the longest journeys your soul would embark on.
(24:13) So, how do I make sure that I'm comfortable with my own self? This is a question for all my viewers. >> I I get it. Now, it all depends on >> Mhm. >> how you identify yourself. Do you identify yourself with your soul? With your intelligence? >> [snorts] >> With your way the way you think? With your personalities? With the parents? Family belong to? How many likes you have on your social medias? With what are you connected? With what are you identifying yourself?
(24:59) And when we identify ourselves with the farthest most external world whom you have never even seen and you judge your success based on their likes and dislikes and how that affects you. So you become a slave to their likes and dislikes whom you have never seen. Would you want such a freedom? It's a slavery. Likewise, when you follow certain norms of the society, the society can be absolutely wrong also.
(25:38) You're forced to follow those. For example, think of people in Afghanistan, especially women and children, or in such countries where rules, religious rules are imposed at any cost. Either you follow or you get beheaded. See, these are problematic things. So how can you identify yourself with such individuals or with parents? They're good.
(26:10) They brought you in this world. But to identify yourself with them, you are shortchanging yourself because within you also there is a great potential. Without that inner soul, you could not even exist. You cannot even worship Shiva or Shakti. Have you I would ask all of our viewers. The one who has been giving you life from your birth until you kick the bucket, that Atman, that life force, that Jivatma is already there in you.
(26:53) It's there in your heart. >> But we look for it outside. >> You Not only that, we don't even say thanks to that entity who gives me life, who makes me breathe, who makes me listen to all these podcasts. So, we have to begin at home. My relationship with my entity, that life force >> [snorts] >> you call the center or the atman or the self.
(27:24) It doesn't matter what you call it. This life force whether you are thankful or grateful or not, it continues. But it will be wonderful if you can at least once in a while say thanks to that entity and improve your relationship with that, at least begin to listen to that. The voice of your soul and see how that voice can change your life. And it has only one purpose.
(27:53) >> Which is? >> That having established my relationship with my higher self higher self knows where to take you. To its own source. Like the best friend, you know, who has enjoyed everything in that there is. It's like come, I'll take you to my estate. Enjoy this estate forever. The self is that self, higher self who has the memory of the source from where we all descended.
(28:30) And when it takes us back to that it's not a physical thing, but connects you with that. It makes you recognize the source. Then [snorts] you become rather you relate, you remain connected to that source. So, in just stopping from the outermost going inward and how inward takes you to to the highest.
(28:58) Then if they become one, then you realize that myself and the source are not different. Even the outsider with whom I flirted, for example, parents whom I worshipped or cursed, husband or wife whom I loved or cursed, they all become the same higher self. What is in me is also in them. So, that's the beauty of such a combination of establishing relation with yourself.
(29:29) >> Very beautiful, Dadaji. Once you understand that divine divine that within yourself, you see it in every person. >> And this cannot happen. This cannot happen just like that. You have to practice meditation, yoga abhyas. Without yoga abhyas, nothing can happen. >> So, you take the first step and God will move towards you.
(29:52) Dadaji, to end this discussion, some people they run away from the responsibility. Sometimes self-love reaches to the limits of being selfish. You leave your parents. You become something. Now, you are not able to tolerate them. You become so self-absorbed about your career that you reject your spouse. Although you are physically present, but emotionally you are not supporting them in any way.
(30:19) Sometime it happens with children, also, that you are not able to give them what they deserve. So, what about these people who run away from the responsibilities of connections in the name of being self in the name of self-love. >> You Have you seen children in orphanages? You keep wondering what sort of karmas they must have performed that they have to be in this.
(30:48) >> I thought >> These are the consequences of their karmas in the past perhaps. When they abandoned parents now in this life parents have abandoned them. >> Mhm. >> This vicious cycle will go on. Yeah, I have heard also one of the marriages before performing girl comes and tells me, you know, "Naji, I love this boy so much but I don't want to live with his with his parents.
(31:16) " >> That's one big concern that people have. >> [clears throat] >> I said, "Then stay alone." >> Mhm. >> Why you want to spoil this boy's life? >> Mhm. >> And now you are going to get the destructive element in someone's family. >> Mhm. >> If you want freedom, why marry also? >> Does relationship bind us that like does marriage bind you? Because for some time, for some months, for some years it would feel very liberating.
(31:47) But as you rightly said, sometimes you love that person but you don't love who comes with that person. Be it your in-laws. >> See, love by definition grants [clears throat] you freedom. >> Yes, that's the beauty. It liberates yourself. >> And that's it. I I hope it explains everything to you. >> Mhm. That if it binds you, it's not love.
(32:09) At least that's what I'm >> concluding. >> That's it. Binding means it's against love. >> Mhm. >> But in love you would like to be bound. >> You would like to be possessed. >> You like to be possessed but you won't possess anyone by force. >> Mhm. >> In Rajnigandha, there is a beautiful that was a beautiful movie there.
(32:33) There is lovely song also. Yeah. >> One line is like this "Kitna Sukh Hai Bandhan Mein?" "Kitna Sukh Hai Bandhan Mein? Ye Raaz Abhi Jaana Maine." See? So, it's very It's a lived experience of people who have really loved. For love, you will sacrifice yourself. Is it Bandhan? Or it's by choice. Anything imposed on you, it's slavery.
(33:13) But by your own will, you say, "Okay. I'm ready to be sacrificed." >> In your love. In the name of love. >> it. Yeah. >> Master, do you believe in unconditional love? >> This is paradoxical statement. Love means there are no conditions. >> But in every relationship we see, parents have expectations from children, you have expectations from your spouse.
(33:39) Then where is the unconditional love? >> There is no That is not real love. Though there is love between children and parents, there is love at a very deep level. But superficially, we keep on demanding and spoil the whole relationship. Otherwise, in true love, in love rather, there is no place for any conditions.
(34:03) Moment you put condition, it's It's It evaporates. It doesn't exist. It's very subtle. >> And the best definition of unconditional love is the love that a devotee has for God, or maybe a mother has for child. Do you agree with it? >> I like to say So, we know the love of mother for a child. Love of father for a child.
(34:30) Love between father and mother. We have all witnessed that, see? Very rarely one really sees the love between guru and disciple. If you have a real guru and a disciple is of that caliber, and rather is the person who has seen the love between God and his devotee. Very rare phenomena, see? But anyway, the relationship, whatever it is, be it with your pet, or be it with the empty space, it depends on us.
(35:17) How I sit on this chair, how I look, how I listen, over that I have a choice. How I am, how peaceful I am, how peaceful I am from within, am I creating turbulence in the air of this empty space by my presence, or am I creating peaceful vibrations? This all matters. The way you touch this chair, the way you sit.
(35:49) Some people sit down and get better yet there on sofa and they just rush and bang. They create turbulence. >> [sighs and gasps] >> Even when they walk, they create turbulence. Even when they look, their eyes are like evil eyes. >> You feel drained in the presence. >> You feel drained. And especially you will notice when you fly back from here to Delhi, the co-passengers sometimes can make you vomit.
(36:17) >> [laughter] >> Agreed. But you don't even know that person, but just their vibe, just their look, just their presence that makes you feel something. But I feel so good sitting with you. It uplifts my aura. As we talked about. Any last message that you that you have for my viewers about relationship? >> Be honest with your relationship.
(36:40) Be frank and open. And don't hurt others. >> Really? >> Especially don't hurt your love. >> And even if somebody gets hurt, you learn to say sorry. Because not many people know the art of actually saying sorry or you know, actually forgiving people. >> I wish you all meditate. >> Yes. >> It will iron out all the differences.
(37:05) And even if differences are there, you learn to how to live with those accepting them because differences enriches our life. Like criticism from your spouse, it helps you correct yourself. A mistake and your spouse says, "You see, you did this." Immediately person gets angry. You should be thankful that she pointed a mistake to you.
(37:38) She gave an opportunity so that you can correct yourself. But we react instead of being grateful. How are you ever going to get transformed and be become human better human beings? We have to change the way we look at our life. >> And our own selves. Wonderful Daji. It was a pleasure to sit with you again today and I got so many answers for my own self.
(38:08) There were so many questions that I myself had for my for my journey. It's always a pleasure. Thank you so much Daji. >> Thank you Rangoli. >> Mhm.