Before You Blame Hormones, Understand This First

Before You Blame Hormones, Understand This First

Author Name:Dr Pal

Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@DrPal

Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evHgl9l2m0c



Transcript:
(00:00) You don't have to stick to a routine when it comes to sexual intimacy. There are multiple facets to it. So start exploring new things. Let's say say every month I'm going to try something new even in your sexual intimacy. Be open with your partner. Be open to trying. Create that space. So that effort will automatically improve your spark and that is how you build your intimacy as well.
(00:21) >> And that how important is that for a women's hormonal status? >> Okay. >> I am a little bit doubtful. Is that is it really important to play a role in the circadian rhythm the harmony of the hormones or you know if sexual fulfillment is not there it is not a big deal. So sexual fulfillment right? So for example uh what is the difference between two very good friends or best friends living under the same roof and two uh a couple living in the same under the same roof in the house there's a there should be a primal difference
(00:54) right so the idea is see even from an evolutionary point of view um human beings um always had food water sex and then shelter it was never the other way around so sex I mean shelter was created for privacy as well as of course to of dangers and things like that. So, um when it's that primal and you remove it out of the equation, you remove it out of your um uh you know relationship because you're more career oriented or you're more tired or you're like you know running behind some financial goals and things like that. What happens is
(01:26) there's a lot of exhaustion which happens. There's a lot of frustration which happens and of course it'll take a toll on your hormonal hormones as well. Whether the partner is working or not, whether they are busy or not does not matter. The difference is when two friends live together, right? They're not a team.
(01:42) They are not intimately attached. So there'll be two different people with two different opinions and there'll be a lot of misunderstandings after a particular point. Misunderstandings, miscommunications. This is exactly what will happen in a relationship when you don't have intimacy. When you don't have intimacy, you're not one. You're not connected.
(01:56) You're not emotionally intimate. So that makes your partner another person. So you start having you start having random miscommunications, misunderstandings. You don't know where it is stemming from. You don't know why they're even fighting now. And then that creates a frustration and some scars in those miscommunications and misunderstandings will never heal.
(02:16) So then you start again from that particular scar and take the communication forward. So lack of communication happens. There's no trust. There's no bonding. All of this will happen when you're sexually intimate because that's a space where you are being yourself. You know that you're being completely uh safe and in a safe space and you're bonding with your partner.
(02:35) when you remove that off the out of the equation that is going to take a toll on your um hormonal cycle as well. The other angle to this is that um you know many uh people they get into you as you said you know career building the career building financial uh stability um during that part in your practice who is less interested in uh sexual intimacy is it men or women >> men don't really open up about um a low sexual desire so men don't open up about anything in terms of sexuality in our south Indian practice is what You see they they do come only when there's a
(03:11) severe dysfunction. >> So when they are not able to perform at all but the layers between that is never addressed with them because it's always associated with masculinity. So we see a lot of female uh clients. So we see them with um low sexual drive. See but then it's a cycle. So the cycle starts with emotional intimacy.
(03:32) So when you prioritize other things in life and you don't give time for being together when women don't feel that emotional intimacy with a partner of course they are not going to have a a drive a desire their arousal is going to uh go low they might not have >> is it related >> it's absolutely related so so we used to have certain sexual response models from 1966 so that was like the um it was called the masters and Johnson model which was created which was very linear so it'll say that um u nothing is it it all starts with desire. So it used to
(04:05) start with desire. So so there's excitement, there is plateau and then there's arousal and then there's orgasm. So it's all linear. There's nothing changing. Then there was the Kaplan model. The Kaplan model is again very very very linear which >> I'm sorry um say that again one more time for the initial model.
(04:21) excitement >> excitement then there's a plateau >> plate >> and then there's an arousal and then there's an orgasm >> and then there was a Kaplan model which was like desire arousal and orgasm >> okay >> so this was also pretty linear >> but then in 2000 they revised it based on the women's perspective so women they started feeling that desire is not something women begin their sexual contact with so a lot of women were like we are not having that desire so for me to get involved into in sex so that is not my beginning point. So then they
(04:52) started assessing how this works. So this is the basin circular model which was um you know um which came out in 2000 which started exploring that see for a woman to feel um intimacy they should start feeling emotionally connected that is the first step. >> So not desire >> not desire.
(05:11) So then you have to feel emotional intimacy they should feel the trust the safety and then there's a sexual neutrality as the next step. Neutrality means they are not inclined for a sexual contact. They just want some environment which is more intimate. That's all they needed. And then the next was arousal which feed which fed off into desire or sometimes it can be desire and then arousal.
(05:33) So it can change. And then there was a sexual satisfaction and lots of women were saying that orgasm was not the only sexual satisfaction they were looking at. Even the fact that that bonding time the pleasure that they felt in the entire uh act was good enough was satisfying enough was the response that uh they felt.
(05:52) So it was more like a circular model which which was like this arousal desire and then a satisfying response and then it again started off with that. See only when women feel satisfied will they be motivated to try again. >> Right? So only when you like some food you want to go ahead and try it out again.
(06:10) So similarly a lot of women keep saying I have low sexual drive now I have low sexual desire now that is because they've not had satisfying sexual experiences at all either that is because of them or because of their partner or because of them as a couple they don't put that effort so automatically they're not motivated to try again because what's the point it's not very satisfying so I don't want to try it again so that becomes like a vicious cycle and then they are never like they don't have a good desire or a drive it's very simple and very easy to
(06:37) start restructuring ing it. Once they start having a good satisfied sexual response, obviously their sexual desire and sexual response will um improve. >> What What do you mean by restructuring it? You >> so discuss with the patient? >> Yes, we do discuss with the patient as to what exactly is the problem.
(06:54) See a lot of times um men or like men think that it's hormonal. So she's going through some hormonal issues that is the reason why she's having a low sexual that is what lack of libido is what they feel. But you know a lot of studies say women in um it's not about like uh previously it was thought that women in 20s uh are at the peak of their sexuality.
(07:16) That's when they are very aroused or they are more into uh their sexual exploring their sexuality but actually only in their early 30s and late 30s are women more sexually active and more it peaks more the libido peaks more only in the early and the late 30s not in the 20s. So this is the studies which have come out recently.
(07:37) So having that in mind. >> So so I'm just summarizing that. So you're saying that women between 30 to 35 have much more liidoid compared to women in early 25s. Yeah. Early 20s. >> That's a surprise to me. >> Absolutely. And that's because of the hormone called estrogen as well. So even when you say estrogen initially there are a lot of when the HPO axis that is a hypothalamo pituitary ovarian axis when it's immature there's a lot of hormonal variations that happen so for it to become more sustained it takes a bit longer. So we assume that it's early 20s
(08:09) where it gets stabilized. Yes, it gets stabilized in terms of major changes like period cycles and ovvelation cycles. But when it comes to libido, so these are the accessory responses, right? When it comes to that, it it sort of settles better or it started starts spiking and it improves better only in the early uh 30s and feeds off towards the uh end of early 30s.
(08:31) So that's how it is and uh so men saying you know bringing a wife who's like 32 33 and then saying that is there a hormonal problem? See sometimes it's in very rare case scenarios it can be thyroid it can be very low hemoglobin levels where she's very fatigued technically but it's not that it's not that common and maybe post child birth like >> wait wait wait so men bring their wife >> stating that they have a hormone lack of libido uh and they'll be like my sexual drive is normal but my partner is having a low sexual drive I think it is a
(09:04) hormonal problem that will be their only intention they will never assume assume that we're not giving some uh time for my wife and I'm not making it pleasurable. See, pleasurable as in it's it works both ways, right? So even the women will not communicate. She might not even tell the partner, okay, this is what works for me.
(09:24) So this needs more stimulation or I need it I need this to be done better. So then I'll have a better orgasm or I'll have a better satisfying response. So of course the partner will also not know. So if you don't communicate well then they will not know. So they might also put not put that much of effort that is required. So when she doesn't have a very satisfying response, she automatically starts focusing on other things, children, work and day-to-day activities and things like that. And then uh the libido drops.
(09:50) Uh but if you intentionally start putting a lot of effort, we see that um the sexual drive is back on track without any medical help or without any hormonal um uh support required.