How Can We Master Our Emotions? Guide on Anger, Trust Issues, Neuroplasticity & Brain Workouts
Oxytocin is a hormone which gets released only with a physical sense of touch. So you need to have those kind of people around you that you can hug, you can hold and you can say these are my people. So there's no emotion which is a good emotion. There's no emotion which is a bad emotion as an absolute. They are beneficial emotions or they're afflictive emotions depending on the situation that I'm going through. So have an awareness of what is the emotion that you have. They say trust is the glue of life. But today um trust is also like a paper till the time it's it's it's neat and fresh. Yeah. Once it is crumbled, no matter what we do, we can't bring it back. We are the only animals in the animal kingdom who are born unfinished on this planet. If you look at every other animal uh within a few of them within a span of 1 hour they can survive by themselves. Few of the elephants or whatever they can start walking by themselves. uh and probably in a couple of months any animal will become independent. We humans are very unfinished when we are born and this is one of the main reasons why we sit on top of the food chain too. Habit stacking is something which really comes in handy for me as well. If I want to build a new habit, I don't keep it zyo. I stack it with something else that I regularly do. As simple as anything that I'm trying to build, if I want to do it early in the morning, I say before I brush my teeth, I'll do this. Is there anything that one should uh do apart from all that you mentioned during your morning routine like you um you you basically have your uh what's the word metacognition and tracking metacognition and tracking and meditation a lot of things and for the other ones all the tools that you've given right so like at times you know it's always theory when it comes to practical practicality. How do I always navigate with these conscious choices? Any tips on that? Uh why am I trying to do this? So I'll again answer it from why why would I want to do this is because I want to become a better person which is I'm trying to change my personality or my character itself to change a person's personality to change a person's character. We think it's such a huge job to become a better person. No, it's the smaller pebbles. To change a person's personality, you have to work on your character. To change your character, the only way is through your habits. Every single day, you make choices of habits of responding to life differently. That becomes your default. You're a default today in anger. You're a default today to cry. You're a default today to get anxious. You've trained yourself. You you might you might say anything else, but sorry. You have trained yourself saying for me this lion means I have to fight for me this lion lion means I have to freeze it's wrong that lion should not have come I'm not even denying it but you've trained yourself to do that right now when you have trained yourself to do that the same way you have to untrain so you have to build a new habit so in those little moment by moment you have to do this so if I want to become a better person in this year like how probably if it was a physical exercise you would if you want to run a 10 km marathon in 6 months from now You'll not practice that day. You'll start practicing six months before 100 meters, 200 meters, you get better. If you want to go to the gym, you you don't go lift dead weight on the first day. You start with small dumbbells. The same way every single day do these tiny practices and stack them in your habits and tell yourself saying before I brush my teeth, I also have to do my emotional hygiene. I have to build this as a habit. So, can you throw some light on stacking? What does it mean? Um I think like we were also talking about this earlier like how it's also mentioned in atomic habits. Um habit stacking is something which really comes in handy for me as well. If I want to build a new habit I don't keep it zyo I stack it with something else that I regularly do. As simple as anything that I'm trying to build if I want to do it early in the morning I say before I brush my teeth I'll do this if because I have this thing of I have to brush my teeth. I have to brush my teeth as soon as I wake up. So before you brush your teeth if you do it your possibility of completing it regularly is very very high. So every single day I start stacking it there. Now that it's become a part of me I've understood in my morning routine that I know I can do metacognition. I can do tracking. I want to add something else to it like I want to also do surya namaskar. So I'll say metacognition surya namaskar then brush your teeth. So it's like like the metaphor I gave. If I have to give a command to my dog, it will listen to me only because it knows that if it follows, it'll get a treat later. So, same way we have to, you know, train ourselves. Yes, that's the easiest way. People think I can't change. All of us can change. You can change, I can change. We've all been changing. And a lot of these changes is by default by allowing that hunter gatherer brain to behave however it wants to behave. Take control. But it's too difficult. Don't do in too many places. Start in tiny moments. Whatever you're doing. Every time I react like this. Every time I get anxious. Ground. Before you speak, ground. Get yourself collected. Now speak. Every time I keep crying. Okay, you started crying. You understood. You've started crying by doing your tracking immediately. Right now, go wash your face. Go for a walk. You have to retrain a new pattern. In 6 months from then, you're no more a crybaby. You're no more an angry person. But it's the effort. It's every single day making that choice. Thank you Kbalini. With this understanding now um of late I've been stumbling upon uh lot of books and lot of audio material which is talking about the power of subconscious mind. All right. So now I have a doubt all of that that you've spoken so far. This is the syllabus to handle the conscious mind or is this a syllabus to handle subconscious mind or the analytical mind? There are three things here right like now could you please help me understand this? Okay. Um you drive a car Rashmi. Yes. Okay. Uh do you remember the days that you went for driving classes? Yeah. Can you explain how was it to do the reverse gear? Oh crazy. I remember your forum right Bangalore. After my first few sessions, I've taken off a Marauti 800 frantically signal goes green and the the car is going back and I just froze and I had to put the handbrake. somebody who was more experienced had to come over and take over and this is what yeah so you know how difficult it was right today u let's say you're on the road do you have the same conscious awareness of driving do you know how which distance you're traveling are you completely aware at times you'll be lost in your thought and you would reach home yeah yeah so it happens u I don't give in my thought there autopilot mode uh is taking over looks like yeah so that autopilot mode is a subconscious wiring which happens by default. Um I'll tell you both from western and eastern perspective. Eastern science when we learn anything they always tell this and this is very beautiful. I somehow feel you know uh we Indians have gotten to this um state where we think everything the answers will come from the western world but the eastern world has always been saying it. So I'll give you I'll give you an adaptation of it. Sorry what as Indians what are we? We are eastern right? We are eastern. Yes. Yeah. Uh eastern also talks about our ancient philosophies. Yes. All our buddhas, all our rishies and all your Japanese. Yes. All of this. This is eastern science. Okay. China, Japan, uh Southeast Asia, everything the eastern part. Now um whenever we learn something especially in yoga and u uh in in different forms in eastern science, we say learning happens in three stages. First stage is shraan. Shraan is listening. I'm listening to whatever this person is telling. I'm just listening and I think I know it. The second stage to this is manan. Manon is trying to understand what I heard. I'm like okay I heard something. Uh what does this mean? I'm sitting with myself and I'm interpreting it. The third stage to this is dana wherein I meditate over this knowledge. I can now dissect dimensions and depths of all of this and I can see this through different lenses. We are this is what scientists do as in like like PhD and all of that their level they sit and dissect they dissect it if if it is the scientists also. So whenever we speak about learning in the eastern science they've always said which level are you in shaman manan dhana can you take it till there that's why people who do talk the talk will probably be in manan level or the dhana level the walk the talk I mean people who are just talking talking the talk people will be in the shaman walk the talk will be on the topper side the same thing happens with regard to western science as well one is getting the knowledge you're getting you're listening to knowledge so you're listening, you're listening to podcasts, everything. The second stage to learning in uh eastern in western science is uh critical critical thinking where you get aha moments wherein you're like okay I heard this. What does this mean? Aha. Okay, it could mean this also. Oh, it's that also. You're getting critical insights of knowledge like hey I didn't think of this before. Oh I how I wish I could have done this. Yeah. The reason I'm doing that is because I'm engaging with that knowledge. If I just heard the audio book, I just read the book, I wouldn't know that at all because I'm engaging with that knowledge. I'm thinking about whatever that is. So from sh uh from listening, I now have gone to the next stage where it is about um where it is about critical insights. The next level of this is embodied understanding where you embody the understanding of that topic so much that you can flip it, you can tear it, you can do everything and you're like I'll bring it back to this. So a few of us will have this tendency of you ask them anything they'll take it to wherever they want to take it to and they will dissect it in their language. So this could be experts in any field you you show them anything they will take it to their field only and they will dissect they'll pull it open and they'll see layers of it. This is embodied understanding. We can go uh deep down into knowledge the way that I spoke now or we can go horizontally flat. What's the difference? Both of it is okay. Both of it is is has its own pros and cons. If you go horizontally flat, your perception builds on multiple different things. Like today, although I'm a social emotional skills trainer, I read a lot of research related to neuroscience. I I spend a lot of time on brain chemistry. Why? Because I like going flat on certain things. I want to know what's happening on the other fields. So, you're widening the base. Correct. On the other case, you're taking one particular thing and then going deeper. Yeah. So, you can choose to do learning in both forms. you can do either go flat flat up so that's why I kind of do the disclaimer in the beginning I'm like there can be a lot more because I know that there is a lot more me and there is no human being today who can give you all the information from everywhere a psy a specialist in neuroscience will talk from neuroscience I'll speak from seal another person will speak from psychology psychiatry so you can go horizontal having horizontal give you perspectives going deep down makes you the master of the trait so you you should know when to go deep down, when to go horizontal. But horizontally, if you're always speaking, people will be able to see through you. So, you can listen to audio books, you can listen to, you can watch books, you I mean, you can read books, you can do everything. But, um, it really depends on what are you trying to get out of it. But as long as you're learning, I'm so glad if people are reading a book, please read. Whichever be the book, please read. As long as it's helping you, it's good. uh only thing to be careful about related to books because we are speaking is be careful about fiction books because fiction books is exactly the same thing like how we spoke about watching TV shows um I'm I'm watching I'm reading a fiction book this is such a beautiful book it feels very nice to me today because I'm in that set of mind today my mindset is like that I feel it's very nice but imagine I'm going through something similar to whatever the protagonist is going through here I will I will indulge myself in it and then my thoughts everything will change my emotions my sensations I become the character and I start living it there is no separation and anything can go wrong yes so always pick a book which challenges your thoughts even in terms of fiction try doing that or try picking up something the easiest choices of books is Ruskinborn books Ruskinbond books are very flat he does not push you into hyper or hypo there is no epiphanies that he takes you through it's not strong ep epiphanies you feel like It's normal life and I always tell people saying learn to understand what is normal life. The moment life becomes normal we start making it faster and then we again go in front of God and say hey God make my life better. I want to have a normal life but we don't have the meaning of it. So I think Ruskinborn books is a good option. So I probably I'm not sure if this is right. An opposite to this could be Sydney Sheldon. Some of his books like Oh yeah. It's hyper. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And also Dan Brown books. M um including Harry Potter books. You look at Harry Potter. Harry Potter with Harry Potter we we go up, we go down, we go up, we go down. So it really depends on your capacity of your rubber band. If your rubber band does not have that capacity, please don't go there because the moment you snap, you'll snap in real life. So now we can sit and reflect back on how our uh Ruskin born can be equated to our 70s and 80s content which was coming through Dur Darans and your films to what it is through OTTs and everywhere I think it's slowly yeah mirroring the same effect uh that's because what's happening is there's so much information produced no um and imagine like let's say I I I start showing you something normal the brain does not want to listen to normal. It knows it. You show it something it does not know, it'll want to understand it. And when you're showing something it does not know, what does it want to see more of? It'll it'll listen very carefully if there is danger. So that is why there's so much negative news, negative stuff, negative things which is coming up and we kind of get used to it and then we borrow ourselves into it and then we kept going into that rabbit hole and it's a never- ending chase. It's a choice. We should learn to choose what am I feeding? What am I giving my brain as food? Is it the fast food or am I giving the salad? At times salad looks boring but for longer life that's the option to go into. Amazing. With uh your journey I guess now you are uh also taking courses like which is the ABC uh course right? Yes. I mean it's quite an interesting name very easy to remember with so much that you've helped us understand emotions body and all of that so much has already been shared here now I'm curious to know what's happening with ABC course and who is it for why did you design it what's that okay so uh ABC of emotional intelligence is my uh introspection and my way of presenting emotional intelligence to the world so whenever we try to understand uh emotions we try to navigate it in multiple different perspectives. Like today itself, we tried so many things that we've been trying and talking about, right? So whenever we try to understand emotions and we're trying to build our perception of emotions, it happens in three stages according to me. First and foremost, can you bloody even tell what's the emotion you're processing? Many people don't even know what's the emotion. They will just be carried away with it. Do you have an awareness of that emotion? What are you processing right now? What emotion has come up for you? The second stage to it is learning to balance yourself in that emotion. No emotion is good or bad. All emotions are good. All emotions are bad. Being happy in a grieving home is bad. Although we say be happy all the time. You can't be going into a grieving home and saying, "Oh, it's so good that this person has passed away." People will laugh at you. They'll say, "What's wrong with you?" So there's no emotion which is a good emotion. There's no emotion which is a bad emotion as an absolute. they are beneficial emotions or they're afflictive emotions depending on the situation that I'm going through. So have an awareness of what is the emotion that you have. Learn to balance yourself in that emotion and try to take control of your life through that emotion in day-to-day time. That is ABC of emotional intelligence which I currently run. A for awareness, B for balance, C for control, ABC. Yes. So I felt it's a easier terminology to remember and that's how I named it. So uh this course we have been doing it uh in India for the last uh last one year or so and we have had around 9,000 participants come and learn. So yeah that's that's what we do. Uh this is an online course. So people can always look for uh look for me on social media. There will be a link which will be available and they can enroll for that. But what I've seen is when we speak about emotions, the more that we do it in person, it's much more better than to have a sit through a screen and to talk because a lot of times my cues come to me of how the people are understanding based on their body language. But if you're sitting in a Zoom call, I'll not know if they're understanding or not understanding. And I like the traditional way of going back and doing in-person sessions. So the second level of ABC right now is we've started doing in-person sessions. And the first one because this is my home ground. This is Bangalore where I was born in. So the first one is happening on the 20th of April in uh Bangalore. And um it's a dayong uh event. It is a event where we start at 2:30 with registrations go up to 7:00 in the evening and we will make sure that we have uh covered everything that we've spoken about here and a lot lot more uh to make sure uh we give them tools to go back and practice and practice the tools with me. Uh this will have a good high tea as well where we get to meet like-minded people. uh I feel one of the main reasons that we are really going wrong with emotions is we did not touch base on this but whatever emotion learning that I'm doing we think it's just emotions emotions are learned through social circles that's why it is social emotional skills imagine I was a lonely kid I was left as a kid alone elsewhere I wouldn't be processing all these emotions the way that I'm processing today I will have traits of those emotions but I'll not be processing it how do I learn I learn through social life interacting around correct mingling with people so what what my environment is correct nurture so I'm nurturing my emotions through that and a lot of times I'm you know um I I always say this you don't heal in places that you got hurt you people hurt you and you go back and tell them saying you only make me get better probably they don't have the capacity having good people around you so we had this great culture earlier again in the eastern world where we used to uh dwell on having good communities, like-minded people coming together, doing things together, the vatarams in which we used to stay. We used to have a support structure. In the evening, they all used to sit out just talk about life and even book speaks about the same like I speaks about this. I is an adaptation of the Japanese u culture culture. But uh there is a study for those of them who would be interested. There's a study called the blue zone study. Blue zone is where the same thing has been followed across the world and people have been living for a very long duration of time. This is a study of saying how is it that people are living for this long. What's what's the reason for them to live for this long? So um the one of the commonalities of all these blue zones is a sense of belonging knowing that I have a community of people. So yeah, the reason I'm talking about this to going back to what we were saying, I think I also want to create that community structure. So that's why coming in person really makes a whole lot of a difference. So we're going to have a great high tea. We're going to do a lot of tools together. We're going to talk about emotions. I feel emotions has to be bought into the forefront and has to be celebrated, spoken about in all forms and in all ways possible. So Bangalore is going to be the first place that we're going to be hosting it. Wow. Especially in this digital era. Yeah. wherein you know even a table conversation is becoming tough because somebody is WhatsAppapping somebody is busy through reals slowly the digital world is taking over and I think the need is more oxytocin if you want it oxytocin is a hormone which gets released only with a physical sense of touch so you need to have those kind of people around you that you can hug you can hold and you can say these are my people and the more we age the more it becomes difficult to make friends. If you made a friend a as a teenager, maybe you if you have retained them, then they're your lifetime friend. But imagine a few of us who didn't have the capacity to make friends then or we did not make friends then. Now in the 30s and in the 40s, it feels like oh my god, whom do I go talk about all this to? So you go back to the same places where they're hurting you and talking to them and telling help me to get better. So having spaces where you can talk and do things together is very very good. So one community that I can provide is related to emotions. Other than that whatever communities that you people can build I always suggest people saying build communities and stay with communities. So you you know that even when something hits you have a support structure and that's when you you can stay in that resilient band without without snapping. You need to know that you're safe. Yeah. Talking about trust uh kupalani they say trust is the glue of life but today um trust is also like a paper till the time it's it's it's neat and fresh yeah once it is crumbled no matter what we do we can't bring it back and there are better metaphors like crust is like a mirror once shattered you can never build back so in an era wherein there are jenzes everything is fastpaced nobody is like you know doing things it it It it used to be the way before like the culture is very different. Fast fashion, fast relationships, rentals and nobody's sticking to loyalty. Yes. Also again trust being a problem with this environment. Here we are now talking about how communities and all of that is so important because emotionally we are social emotional beings. Now this is like a railway track. Don't you think like how does it converge like how to navigate this? Um I think trust is trust is a very slippery slope because um I might come into the relationship like let's say you and me are in a relationship Rashmi. I might come into a relationship with a baggage of interpretation of what trust is. Yeah. And you might be coming in from a very healthy space of what trust is. And now let's say for example um um I had relationships in my life where people would have cheated on me. Um and the last couple of breakups is because I saw that something something really bad happened to me because I trusted somebody and that person kind of did things that was not right. Today when I call you and I say saying um I call you and you don't answer the call for my brain does not know anything else. It just knows to go back to that previous state of krypali careful it is the same pattern repeating I will not even be able to trust you in this moment. So if you look at what's happening uh with the generations also is probably because the trust has been broken multiple times because of the way that relationships have been operating and uh that unsafe zone is why makes me stay in relationships like this wherein um you know I don't want to commit I don't want to commit to saying that you you know I don't want to emotionally be available to you but I'm still in a relationship with you. So um I'm on and off in relationships. So um so there's a word for it I think that's situationship. So situationship is a new kind of relationship people have today wherein it is about me and you being in a relationship but we don't call it a relationship for this situation. It is very nice to be with you emotionally I'm not attached to you and this is something that's that's predominantly followed in the younger generations. They don't commit. They say I'm not committed to you. You do whatever you want to do. I do whatever I want to do. But as long as we can hold it we hold it. And then when it is not there, it's not there. So um why? Because of you know because of a lot of things that's happened society how it's changed how it's evolved. So uh trust is a very slippery slope. The only way to build this why again before the only way to build it why should you build it is if you don't trust people you'll always feel unsafe and you'll always feel uh I'm the only one who has to lift the weight and me being the only one to lift the weight my amydala will get hijacked as regularly as possible so every little thing will hijack me because I'm the only one so I have to be more cautious I have to be more cautious I have to be more cautious what happens then to the body. The same thing when it when the hijack happens then it tells fight flight freeze or fawn depending on whatever my amydala thinks that situation is it'll tell me to fight it to or flight it go into the high zone or it'll push me into the low zone. So how do we help people who've gone through these patterns like how do how does the gear shift perspective building of saying that is one but I know that there is also possibilities what are these possibilities I know that people cheat on each other so the same example that I was giving you try to look for people who've gone through it and come out of it better spend more time with them read about relationships meet people who have healthy relationships even if it means that you have to travel across Bangalore city for 3 hours to meet that couple, go meet that couple because they will show you saying look there is this perspective. So the next time when your brain is making a choice it'll say it could be this perspective or it could be that perspective. That's the only way you can train it. But trust is something that has to be built over a period of time. You have to give it to yourself as an opportunity saying I want to try and the other person who probably took your trust for granted. If you still want to continue the relationship with them, you have nothing to do with it. It's the other person's job to build the trust back. What people usually say is my partner said sorry to me and after that I'm not able to forget and my partner keeps saying why are you not forgetting? Sorry. Your part it's your partner's responsibility to make you feel safe. It is not your responsibility to feel safe and to make your partner feel safe. They they broke the trust. It is on them to build it back. But yeah, from your side when they're doing it, take those actions into account. Give them time. How much time Krypali they gave me a sorry is that enough? No. It it might be a sorry is enough for few of us. For few of us it takes 6 months. For few of us it remains as a scar. But that's a choice that's happened in the relationship. But the person who made the mistake has to build it back. So yeah uh if you really want to feel safe and secure you should have trustworthy people around you. That's the bottom line. Otherwise we always will be agitated. We'll be like what if what if what if and that what if will not even let us sleep. So with trust I mean there are two three uh tools that people have tried to stay connected with. One could be journal like you know when they don't trust the world they still want to pour in their thoughts. One is the journaling. And before I get into journaling because I know uh the the the stationary brand that you have which is a tall elephant right you have these journals you have these emotional uh wellness uh products that is out which will touch another uh website is the Reddits and the koras of the world today wherein you know people are trying to see test the waters through people's experience like what you just told no physically go and meet people but parallelly if not that at least is what are your thoughts on Reddits and the Koras wherein there are random threads about everything under the sun today. So is it helping or is it hurting perspectives more? Um usually what happens is if let's say um it's it we usually go closer to what we believe in. It is as simple as that. So we we might get carried away unless we don't have an awareness of saying okay this is a perspective I'm taking otherwise the usual tendency is whatever I believe in I start following those threads and falling into that same trap. Um, is it good? Is it not good? Um, in my personal opinion, as long as it's vetted, you know that this is a good place, then it's okay. But if you look at how Reddit works or how Kora works, you don't know if this is vetted piece of information. Anybody can write anything and any information can be there. People can say it could be this, it could be that. Even gossip threads are there. So it's not whistleblowers. I mean, everybody's on the same. So you're just saying okay see but make a conscious choice make a conscious choice always have the awareness of this could be a perspective I have my equinity I know this is what it is um okay I heard you but take that perspective if you don't take that perspective then you have a narrowed mind and you don't know what that could be that's a good learning then make a choice but you should always think before you make a choice I think that's the bottom line of it uh Rashmi and uh even with um journaling I think that's the same thing that I'm trying to build with our community of journal uh journaling enthusiasts as well uh wherein every day I try and tell them saying journal every day every day get into a habit of you know talking to yourself because it builds awareness it tells you look this is what you're thinking this is what your day is looking like it's like a mirror to you it might not give you answers directly but it'll definitely show you what's happening to you and people will have to uh you know have the habit of saying I know what I think no you don't know what you think throughout the day there's so much that you're thinking there's so much that's happening you need to know how to look at it and if you have the right journaling prompts like if you look at it with uh TTE um we've put a lot of effort to figure out every page by page of what should be there what should we make people think about every day at the end of the night at the end of the day what's TT sorry tall elephant yeah so um we don't just say do a brain dump of what's happened during the day. We then ask them immediate next follow-up question is can you think of a moment of happiness that you had that day? So this gives you an opportunity of saying hey look although the day was bad I'm questioned now I have to think there should be something that made me feel happy. If I'm not finding it regularly which means I have to start looking for it in my day because I have to fill it up in my journal. I can't leave this blank. From there we again take them to the next dimension of saying tell me what all emotions you felt that day. So it's not like my day was good or bad. Through the day, what all did you feel? What all emotions did you feel? Now imagine you have this data for a period of 3 months or 6 months. It gives you complete clarity of what emotions are you processing. And we also carry you know take this forward to gratitude journaling. We talk about what all food have you eaten everything. And every once a month we sit down together as a community and I tell them now dissect your data. M I see during my PMS time I go down I have anger I have irritation. So go take a look at what do you do with PMSing type which is your input of saying now my PMS is coming in I have to start doing my grounding properly I have to track properly if I don't do it I will flip it gives you an opportunity I see that there are these days few days suddenly that I have this kind of an emotion what did I eat that day oh this is that biryani in the night which is affecting me I can see that constant is just biryani next month watch see if you can take biryani out if this will change oh I see that there are certain days that there are these kind of emotions that I'm feeling. I can see it in my chart very clearly. What happened on these days? Oh, when I come in interaction with people like this, I feel sad. I have to start avoiding it. Your own life reflection starts giving you information. But that will only happen if you fill the sheets. So and more importantly analyze it like look at your own analytics and you know so that you have a perspective to draw from and change few patterns. Yes. Beautiful. Yeah. Um so what all tools do you all have? Um so our flagship is the little black box which is every once a year u we kind of give it for a entire year of stationary related to emotional wellness that people will need. We open up uh registrations for it uh because this is on pre-order only. So we open it up in August and by October mid we are almost sold out and then we just do the shipping to people. So in that kit we will have a planner tool for people in hypoarousal. It'll really help to keep track of things that you have to follow. A journal so you have a reflection of uh things to do. Uh I also like this concept of eat the frog. So every day I ask them to look at what's that one predominant thing that you kind of work on. So our calendar is a little different than all the other calendars that we give people on table calendars. So we give table calendars. We give tools for mind mapping. We have tools for brain dumping. Uh we also have uh certain certain things that we call it as everything in between because even if it does not belong to any of these categories there is there is space for your thoughts. So we have a book called everything in between. Uh we also this year I've incorporated neurographic art. What's that? Uh neurographic art is um is a form of art which is studied by neuroscientists very very deeply. So for those of us uh although we say Mandela drawings is very good. Mandela is very good for those of them in hyper hypo people will sit and sit on it forever and they'll keep doing they don't have a problem. So for hyper I think it's very good to do Mandela drawings. Um, neurographic art is a free form of art wherein uh, whatever is running in your mind, you just crisscross and draw random lines, doodling. It's not even doodling. You just draw random lines and wherever the intersection happens, then you start coloring those intersections. So, this is you trying to tell yourself first put everything down onto a paper. Now, I'm intervening and creating a cloud in front of me wherein I know I have this chain of thoughts which is running. I'm not liking it. I want to create a new cloud. I don't want to see anything else. So I'm trying to say put everything down first and now start looking for wherever the inter interconnections of the lines happen. You curve them and wherever the curves have formed you start coloring them and you create your own art form out of this. So this has no base to it. This is similar to watercolor painting where you know you can't recreate the same thing again but this is free flow of your thoughts as random lines which comes together in the randomness you create beauty. Ah so it's a very very beautifully read about uh and researched about art form u so this is something that we've incorporated as a part of TT's kit this time so what happens when I do this like the aftermath it teaches you to pause it teaches you to see beauty in imperfections for many of us h we have this tendency of when everything gets perfect I'll be okay just perfect it why is this like this keep this properly why is this only when this is like this okay now I'm okay now I'm okay but till that it'll be like you keep that properly you know that is the only thing that I ask for in life and we do this with personal life with everything else OCD is yeah OCD is a real disease which comes out of it which has become a buzz word yeah yeah it's become a buzz word right and I think we spoke about it in our previous podcast also so um yeah so getting over my perfectionism this helps this art form really helps. This art form kind of builds pulls people from hyper to resilience, hypo to resilience as well. So, it's a beautiful art form. Um, and you don't have to be an artist to learn this. And you can be sitting inside a meeting and getting bloody irritated with what's happening. And instead of doodling, you quickly start putting this tiny little art form in your own book. So, you kind of come back, you compose yourself because you're you're processing it as a thought. You're like, "Okay, now I'm drawing random lines. This is randomness. From there I'm doing the sec second stage. From there I'm doing a third stage. This is me building the cloud in front of me. There was a cloud which was irritating me. Now I'm trying to build a new cloud. I'm trying to tell myself leave that thought. Come here to this thought. Come into this thought and this thought will show me beauty in imperfection. So so is it a mandate that I have to buy the tool or I can start doing on a random piece of paper and there is there is enough on YouTube. I think we can start doing it by ourselves. Uh the reason that we have it in our kit also is because we also have a art therapist in in house who will also train people to work on this. So yeah that's the reason that we have it in house but yeah there is enough and more content out there. I think content everywhere there is content so you go research you ask for the word it'll take you there like a toothbrush for your teeth. Yes, like a broomstick for to keep the home clean. These tools are the ones which are enabling your mind to function to its fullest potential. Yeah. And be more aware correct while doing so. This is your gyming equipment. So what do you pick as uh weights every single day? So probably initially journaling itself is enough like I'll only do that bit and I'll run away. So the next time I feel like no I think I want to go a little more deeper like I want to tone up this part also like I want to learn to keep quiet what will I pick so pick the next one start working on the next one too add it to this so it's it's how how you build it how do you start building and toning toning yourself because by the end of it this is also a muzzle right so that's why we say it's neuroplasticity so yeah the studies used to say that it was only um up to the age of 18 that the neuroplasticity of the human brain was very very which meant to say after 18 you're done and dusted for life. You can't change it all. But the good part is now research says it's possible. You have to put a little extra effort and there is plasticity of that muzzle too but it's similar to any other muzzle. As a teenager you eat lace, you eat whatever it doesn't show up on your body. Now you eat one piece of lace, you know where is it sitting on you. You have to tone it up. As we get as we become older, we tone it. We put that effort. The same way put the effort. I've been doing it like this forever. That's my default. What happens when the neuroplasticity is high and you know till 18? Are you trying to say it grasps faster? It basically processes things well. Is that uh part of it? Yes, it is. Um we are the only animals in the animal kingdom who are born unfinished on this planet. cousin. If you look at every other animal uh within a few of them within a span of 1 hour they can survive by themselves. Few of the elephants or whatever they can start walking by themselves. Uh and probably in a couple of months any animal will become independent. We humans are very unfinished when we are born. And this is one of the main reasons why we sit on top of the food chain too is because you take a polar bear. A polar bear knows how to survive when it is in Antarctica or in the Arctic region. You take the polar bear and put it in the desert. It does not know what to do. You take a desert animal and put it in uh Arctic region, it does not know what to do. Take a human being, put there, put here adapt. That adaptation capacity is what is the neuroplasticity of the human brain. So till the age of 18, although I'm born on a certain day, the last finishing of my brain development happens by the age of 18. So this is when my entire brain is fully developed till the age of 18. I keep learning, learning, learning, learning. So I came as an incomplete book. Life taught me what does it mean? What does it mean? What does it mean? So that's why till the age of 18 it's very very very very high. After that it reduces it. So it's not that I'm not learning it. It is there. But these are strong beliefs that I've already created. I'm not a empty slate anymore. So after 18 you have to unlearn to learn. Mhm. Before 18 you're learning. So that's why to teach these concepts in schools it's like quick if if the kid is willing to learn. You just have to make sure that the kid is you know excited about what you're teaching they'll learn. But teach this to an adult they'll be like I I think I'm done this lifetime may I can't do anything else. It's conditioning. It's because I've already created my belief system. You have to unlearn first. The challenge is not in learning all this. The challenge is in unlearning this. So technically after 18 till the time we all it is a constant challenge to unlearn what you have learned and adapt and keep adding new software, new updates. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You beautifully said that. Yes. I think that's exactly what it is Rashmi. And that is the difference between that's that's the way that you can say somebody has aged gracefully. If you've aged gracefully, you're adapting gracefully. You're you're understanding what's happening around. You're not stuck in your own beliefs. You're not Yeah. putting yourself in four walls and saying this is my world. Yes, I'm trying to change. I'm trying to adapt. What does that mean? I'm trying to teach myself. What does changing mean? I'm trying to show this another perspective. M I always see it through this lens. I'm trying to say I'll drop this lens and I'll take that lens and I'll put it up. It takes a lot of effort. So for us in adult life it's a little difficult but we can do it. We just have to change that tiny habits every single day constantly. Yes. Um you spoke about metaphors running up and down here. I was giving a broomstick example toothbrush and then eventually it came to the gym. Like gym has three one is cardio, one is strengthening and other one is stretching. So if I have to give the same exercise to the mind can you give us with the tool saying you know what tool strengthens the mind. Yeah. Yeah that's a that's a nice question. Um I think um stretching is similar to journaling wherein you're just you're just opening it out and you're you're you're just writing down. You're like okay this is what it is. But toning it and um you know building the muscle capacity would probably be metacognition. Metacognition and uh tracking will also do that. Uh doing this in a momentto- moment basis probably would be ethical mindfulness which is the you know that bodybuilders who can who can stand there and show and pose and say look this is what it is. a ethically mindful person which is something that we deep dive into in our uh higher level of concepts that we do in my course. This person is similar to that bodybuilder of saying anything through life I know how to go through it with heatfulness being a little more mindful and being more aware. So uh yeah I think I think that's that's uh that's what it is uh to start with to answer your question stretching would be journaling. Um I think strength training would be metacognition and tracking um and grounding as well. And finally going into that uh cardio and you know running and doing everything on a day-to-day momentum moment basis building that capacity would be ethical mindfulness. Wow that's a nice question that you asked. Thank you. And um Indra Gandhi once said you can't shake hands with a uh clenched fist. A metaphor again for anger. I think I mean I mean I would like to know it from your perspective since you are the emotional uh wellness specialist and you train people on social emotional uh being correct. Uhhuh. In your opinion, what's the toughest emotions uh humans are trying to deal with every day? Um I think all of them will be tough depending on their capacities. So for few of them fear might look diff difficult, for few of them anger might look difficult, for few of them panic might look difficult, anxiousness might look difficult. But to answer to the anger question that you asked um here's a very important um nuance of anger. Why does a person get angry? Why do you think a person would always be angry? What do you think would be the answer Rashmi? Why do you think a person gets angry? Okay, an honest confession. Yeah, I am I mean I used to be an extremely like angry person. Hence you know I once I kind of questioned saying you know why am I a certain way I kind of understood it's a response to a situation that is happening for example if I want a particular set to be a certain way I know that there is an expectation it's not being met to that this is my response that is anger that is coming very true yeah I mean this is my anger comes out of it like you beautifully said Rashmi so many people don't even know why are they angry they live and die like that and then they die as angry people. Um anger is is an outcome which comes out of fear. Anger does not stand by itself. Anger comes because it's sitting on fear. Fear of what? You change this. No, I'm not looking you know now I have to put an effort or you you you no more respect me. You don't even understand. I want it like this. Put it back like that. M it's it's the fear of losing control which is my amydala hijack it felt saying look this is a lion that situation is a lion somebody changed something which is not normal I was together you changed something that thought now currently is making me feel like you're a lion to me you're not even listening to this you made a change you changed something which was under my control and you made it you you're now making me put an effort to change it which I'm not willing to put an effort why should I put an effort that is anger. Anger always stems from fear of losing control. So anger cannot exist by itself. So if you're angry a person who's very well read or person who's emotionally intelligent or a seal person or anybody in psychology psychiatry as well if a person is getting angry they will always know anger is an is a form that you're presenting to the world because of a inferiority complex. You're feeling inferior in that moment that you lost control. that inferiority projects as with whatever that you show because you feel right now I can take this lion down that's why you go fight it few of us will cry we'll say why did you change this why did you change this so few of us can go there few of us will go into the other mode so um all of it all of these emotions everything basically comes back to what does your brain add meaning to it what is your brain's definition of what is happening right now to this thought what does your brain define it as now from where does it add that meaning it adds its meaning from my past experiences that is why it says this is this is out of control this is in control in that moment when I know I'm flipping if I can bring it back I can build perception of saying maybe I have to change this person maybe it's you know the way I communicated is not correct I'll be able to take a beneficial action instead of losing my cool and losing my energy into it. Right? That's that's that moment that we have to learn to come back. Um yeah, I think I think anger comes from that space. Anger comes from fear of losing control. And a lot of people who are angry, they'll behave like u you know there are the lions. But we know it's the cat roaring inside. It's the cat which does not have that capacity. So it's just roaring and making that sound. They say if you're too loud outside it means you're too broken inside. If you're very strong inside, you're just so calm outside is what they say. Yeah. Very true. So with all these uh now these emotions that you know the toughest emotions in so the toughest could be anything Rashmi. It really depends on momentum moment of life. There is nothing like this is the tougher one, this is the easier one. Um for few of us sadness that might be very very difficult to process because I don't know how to process sadness. For a few of us, depression might be difficult. For few of us, it's anxiety. For few of us, I don't have an control over my anger. It could be fear. It could be anything. So, we can't classify and say this is the toughest of emotion. Grief could be another emotion where I don't know how to process it. And I think we mentioned this in our previous conversation. Right? So, uh we can't point to one emotion and say this is the toughest. It really depends on my capacity of my rubber band. M is there a wheel of emotions which you know one we should like every day I know like they say naras like I mean so should I just do a check saying acha listen today let me take a audit of what is happening what I also do in my journal and I get people to work on as the navarasas I say in the day what all did you process keep start tracking it down start tracking it down so navarasas is a good adaptation I I I as wherever I get an opportunity for using eastern science I will use so navarasas is what I have in my journal today. But there are schools of study which have only five primary emotions, seven primary emotions, 9 and 11. So depending on school to school, whichever works for us, we can always pick up again Google it up, you'll find a lot of uh easy ones. So they can pick up whatever works. Uh I feel if it's the Indian crowd, Navaras is more easier. So that's why I use Navaras in my journals as well. So how should we do it? uh especially keeping the corporate thing set up today because people are uh remotely working people are asked to do the hybrid work like forced to come to office Bangalore traffic I mean Bangalore as an example India today I mean there's a there's a it's a different animal altogether every city is different so keeping this in mind and the social media thing any advice for our um working generation working crowd to take a check of their emotions friends and what should they do? Uh many things but all of them do them in simple bits. Don't do them in very very quick uh quick things and don't do it at in the morning or just in the evening and say that this is done. A few things that we can definitely try and do is uh between meetings try taking a walk try leaving the workspace. Don't sit in the same place. Uh so let's say this is if you if you were working from office in between meetings take try to take a walk. So you're mentally changing your environment and knowing that it's not the same thing which is going to continue all the time. If you have an option if you have a silent room that you can go and sit into please go sit in the silent room do metacognition two three times in a day. So you kind of clear the mess. It's not like you're waiting for the end of the day to unclog everything. You don't even let things collect over you. So try doing that. That's very very helpful. Um, sukma vayama whatever that we learn in yoga is a very good form for all of us in freeze response. What's sukma? Sukchma vayama is uh is one of the ways in yoga where we learn to work on different joints in the body. Every joint in the body in whichever even if you're bedridden you can you can work on these uh exercises and you can work on it. I mean you can work on it to get your body better. So let's say for example if I was doing sukma vayama and I was doing my hands it goes almost like this like I'm going very slowly like that and I'm going into this I'm slowly opening it up and I'm doing that. So this is also something similar to what they do in Tai Chi where they go very very slowly. So yeah you you kind of move yourself like that. So um what happens by doing this you're if you're a freeze response person you always feel like you're lonely you're left back and you freeze and things you're unfreezing yourself I don't have an option to go for a walk in your work desk start doing your exercises start moving yourself for a person in hypo I have to do things to bring myself back into resilience so the only way through through it is doing my physical exercises tighten your calf muscles relax your calf muscles work on you know just sitting sitting itself Try doing all of these things. So this kind of takes you off from the hypo zone. Even if you had a bad boss call, something made you feel very pathetic. You don't have an option to go for a workout and come back in your work desk. Just sit down and do 10 minutes of sukma. It really really helps. So this could be something that they can try and do. Um try not try and okay try not to eat a lot of uh masala dar heavy food especially if you are working and you have a very strong day for that particular day. Anything which has high amount of uh masalas u again affects your emotions. The why does it why does that happen is we say that the gut is your second brain. So uh whatever that you're eating that releases uh chemicals and that is where your serotonin also comes from. That is where all your composition also I mean your nutrition also goes to different parts of the brain. So what you eat it affects this whatever you're thinking here will also affect this. So bad tummy is also because of a lot of times out of stress because the digestive system did not get enough um attention did not get energy. So a lot of us have lose motions. A lot of us during anxiousness we immediately want to release uh you know want to want to release whatever that we have eaten. So this and this is super connected. So I think uh whatever your ayurvea tells eating the right kind of food I think really really really helps. That is another thing that they can do. Get into structured way of doing things and as difficult as it might sound document everything. I think this is one thing that I speak about. We we did not get into the nitty-g gritties of professional uh leadership training. But otherwise, one thing that I always tell people is document it. Document everything. Don't be lazy to document what what's been spoken about. The more you have it in black and white. Even when you question it or you feel you're manipulated, you know what happened in the meeting. So writing minutes of meeting for many of us is the most toughest thing. We kind of undermine it. Who's going to write? Yeah. The more you write, the more you write it down, it does a quick neurosynopsis for you to say what all was discussed today. And tomorrow, even if there is somebody who questions and you feel like I usually get scared about being questioned, I don't know what it is. Writing is you having it in black and white saying this is what was discussed. So nobody can play around emotionally and manipulate you or do anything like that. Also remember better. Yes, you also remember better and getting solutions probably is much more faster when you have in place. So really help. Um, and if you if you're working from home, for God's sake, have a designated space of saying, "This is where I sit and I work. If I'm here, this is my work office, uh, home office. And if I'm not here, I'm doing something else." Including how you dress, what you're wearing, also makes a whole lot of a difference because whatever that I have to tell my brain, I can only tell it through my five sensory inputs. If my five sensory inputs is telling me saying I'm feeling very lazy I'm wearing these kind of clothes things around me is feeling like this that is what this will also know and it'll give the same command and you will act so there's a conflict otherwise correct and then it becomes a vicious cycle so to break it make sure you have that right kind of clothes this is what I wear to work you're done with your work change your clothes go to your eating you want to behave like a homemaker you you are a homemaker change clothes I have another meeting wear the other clothes and come back and sit This is how you draw boundaries. You don't know how to do it with thoughts. Easier way is do it through your body. So the more you kind of practice this, the more you have ability of differentiating in your head saying um this is my work space. This is my um this is where I eat. This is where my family belongs. Don't take this there that here. The more you do it, you merge it. Your brain will also merge it. Yeah. Yes. So these are simple things, simple things that all of us can do. We have like so much to talk but we will definitely do more sessions on this. I think today we focus more on uh emotions, understanding the mind, hypo hyper uh and all the tools that you've given us and which itself is I'm sure it'll take months and years to practice and keep these things always um with us and one of the thing that I want to ask you about this is also the body language because since that's also one of the like the body is when I I think when when the the words can't express few things it's when the body starts expressing few things right including your tears and all of that is an expression of the body. So how should we understand the body language and use body to express ourselves better? Yeah. Um the good part is a lot of this is subconscious. So it's not like that you know you can uh unless you're building literacy of body language. So you you by default give off cues so people can just read through you. Firstly, what is the body language called uh syllabus? Okay, so uh it is it is again back to whatever we did with tracking of saying can you see the nuances within yourself? If you can see the nuances within yourself, you know what's the emotion that you're feeling. You can use it to change yourself. That same information will you'll be able to see the other person as well. Like let's say for example um right now I'm talking to somebody but this person has a very heavy breathing which means this person is already in hyper arousal. This person will not listen to me. Oh and this person will not logically understand anything at all because this person is is is in that palpitation. This person is not liking what I'm doing. So now when I converse I don't talk words alone. I try to make that person feel safe to come back together. So how do I know? I can watch it through your body. Your words and your body might be telling two different things. But the body cannot lie. So watch the body. You'll know what that person is trying to say. Um simple cues of let's say you know I'm sitting like this and I'm talking to you right now. This is one thing. Imagine I did that and I started talking to you. This gives a very different message. Right? So you will always know what is that person thinking? What's the emotion that person is showing by reading the person's expression of that emotion. This is an expression of the emotion. Thoughts become emotions. Emotions become feelings or sensations. It is this feelings or sensations that I will show. That's coming out as a body. Body language. That is the basic interpretation of where does it begin with. How do you stand? How do you sit? How do you breathe? How do you communicate? How do you use your hands? Do you go like this? Do you go like that? You can use all of these cues to communicate what you want to communicate if you learn body literacy and build body language as a second level. But ideally to begin with just knowing what is that person trying to show. Is that person talking and showing the same thing? Is it the same thing? You'll know it when you know your own body. So start with this guinea pig. If you can understand this, you'll be able to understand others as well. So amazing uh Kalini like uh I mean every chapter can it's an ocean literally like you know. Um so how did you get into what you're doing today? because in your own journey you've been a you've been at PS uh college as a lecturer. Yeah. And uh from 2009 and here in 2019 is when another another road started or I don't know I mean how to process this. How did you get into this? Um oh I think you know life does a lot of things to us. So uh just just a quick view of what what I've done is um 2005 to9 is where I got uh I did my engineering degree in PES and uh whoever that I am today I owe it to the chief operating officer of uh PES his name is Ajoy Kumar. uh I think I was very impressed in his way of working and um 2009 when I graduated um I was one of those students where for the first batch this is the electronic city campus batch so we were very uh nurtured very very very very well so um I was given an offer to become a assistant professor at PES even before I got my degree certificate so I started as a lecturer so I started as a lecturer lecturer for five years I was working as a lecturer and then into an assistant professor. I think in their campus I'm the only person who had a bachelor's degree and who was assistant professor. I don't think ever before ever after that they would have given an offer. So I've been I've been one of those people where they had that trust and they gave me that opportunity. So I was there uh with PS and then life happened. A lot of things happened. Um personally I was shattered with a lot of things that hit me and professionally too. I kind of was questioning saying is this what I want to do is this okay with what I'm doing and I hit rock bottom and that was a time that I chose saying no I want to kind of make life a little more better I started doing a little bit of social work I started understanding emotions by reading it by interpreting this and figuring this out didn't seem like I was finding solutions everything was short-term like I'm reading it gives me a dopamine hit but I don't know what else to do with it like how do I put this into practice what do I do with it everybody is saying like there are solutions but where is the solution to this and um and then I I got into the corporate world for some time we were working with kids for a very long time in education in edtech and that's when I realized about this thing called empathy and how important empathy is in today's world holding on to that is where I started understanding my own self and saying hey wait I can't correct myself if I don't understand myself I have to really really understand uh you know who am I as a person and then I can correct this and uh fast forward with all the education work everything that I was doing United Nations called out for uh called out for uh for appointment not appointment I think United Nations had a kindness conference which was happening in uh India so uh what they did is they asked people from different walks of life to come in and to showcase the work that they were doing in my head I already knew and SEAL is socio emotional skills uh which is SDG4. SDG4 is sustainable development goal of four which is education and I've been in education only either as a professor or doing edtech or doing something I thought okay maybe then you know it's a very good opportunity I should be able to get through but the number of levels of interviews that they had and oh my god the way that I even applied for it I think that itself is a big story like I was in Orisa in a very in a new corner I'd gone there for a incubation center I was giving a talk and then I realized that you United Nations has called us out and I wanted to apply and I'm in that new corner which has no internet and I'm trying to you know put in my application we drive we we were driving for 45 minutes to get to that internet to just upload this and nothing is happening. I said okay done maybe next year or so I can try and we'll get get through. The next day when I had when I came back to the airport I realized that they've extended the dates for a couple of days. So I was the last one to probably give in the entry and uh they had 60 different countries of uh the delegation was was of 60 different countries. So they handpicked after doing multiple rounds of interviews and talking to us and said you know what we want to have a kindness delegation created from all these various sustainable development goals of whatever people have been working on. That is the first time that I came in contact with United Nations work that I started doing and 2019 I was fortunate that I got to represent India for SDG4 the work that I was doing and the first thing that UN did is they said you are all selected for the work that you've done in education or whatever whichever field that you came with and you're all kindness ambassadors but we will teach you kindness as an emotion. So I'm professionally and officially trained on compassion as an emotion. So I haven't done all emotions. Compassion is the crux of the emotions that they trained us on. They said you you are kindness ambassadors, right? So we should teach you what compassion is. And they taught us that compassion is basically understanding what the other person is going through. Empathizing and accepting the person for who they are and giving them an opportunity to change themselves and putting things in place. Yeah. Yeah. So um Mhm. They did a 12week curriculum with us of teaching us about compassion. They we had uh the I think the curriculum was put together by Sussex, Harvard University, Life University, all of them came together to create because this was the UN delegation and I think that was the time that life changed for me. I was like no I think this is what it means. I the answers that I was seeking was all in this and all that I had to do was practice them and I I had to practice them if I had to be certified. So I had to practice it and then I saw the leaps and bounds of things that came out of it and then we were fortunate to ask UN saying train us on how to take this forward. So we are all trained on social emotional skills by the same same set of universities who helped us to learn all of this. So that's the beginning of work and then today the last five years is the work that I've been doing uh across the world with either UN workshops or with Indian workshops. So this is what I tend to do. Wow. Clearly it's a journey and uh I mean probably a destination that you're chasing. So what next? Um what next is I've I have kept this target saying by 2030 I want to touch a million lives of telling people saying take control of your emotions because by the end of it if we want to change the world I personally feel it's only by educating the world. Absolutely. And um all the sustainable development goals can really be achieved if we get the sustainable development goal four in place. Educate the world. Educate the world on what is it that's going wrong. Educate the world on how to take control of things. And to do all of that, the root of it, the core of it is your social skills, your emotional skills, your capacity of resilience. How can you go through the ups and downs and have the capacity to go through it gracefully? And I think that's where it sits. So my goal is that. So that's what I'm trying to chase. I'm trying to chase that number of 1 million lives that I want to touch. And I hope that we can do that. So all that you mentioned the social and emotional cap capability that one should have and the resilience to go through life whatever it throws you. Yeah. If I can ask you what is one emotion that anchors all of it? Um what is what is the emotion? I think it would still be compassion. I think it's compassion not necessarily towards the outside world alone. It's compassion towards myself as well. A lot of times we think I have to change the world. No, I have to change my inner world. I have to really really have the capacity to sit with myself and build that inner world. So compassion I think that's the core of it all. Like they say kindness through kindness like confity. Yes. One is that second is empathizing and thirdly to internalize it and to give them another chance. Yes. Through which you are also healing and like a magnet you are also attracting the same. Yes. Yes. Amazing. Empathy, compassion, kindness. Aha. Empathy, compassion, kindness is the atom through which the whole world can be built differently and everything changes there. Amazing. So truly I don't know uh guys how was the session today? It was beautifully uh so eye opening and you know like me everybody would have had their own reflections depending on what is subjective I mean what is that they are wanting to work on and all of that so until next time wishing you more power wishing you um more energy to touch uh to touch more lives of course kalini and what book do I give you because it's a habit honor show like you know in the end we give a gift of book okay that's one uh power which can help him navigate through life, right? Yeah. Uh I think you have last time we spoke about this. Yes, I remember. Yes. Yes. You spoke about I think I was asking your suggestions on manifestation uh manifesting manifestation coach uh thing and then you said if there is one book that comes close uh to manifestation it is manifest. I'm sure you have this book by now. Yes, I do. What do we give you? Uh, this looks interesting. I haven't read this book. Yes. If you can help me with the book, let me sign that for you. Yes. I haven't read that book. And it's so surprising the way that the first line of that book goes, it's wr it's converted without writing. Yeah. And it says also that it's translated from the German. And I was thinking why would it be the German? So yeah, it's superative. I and I' I've been curious about that from when we started our conversation. That's the woman we just met. Like the last line, you know, I can't even read it properly and she's already gone up till there and focusing on the even the minute detailing kind of uh speaks volumes as to who you are. Thank you. So while I sign this uh I think through the conversation you have you put some light uh on the kind of books that has interested you fiction but any suggestion uh coming from you would definitely be uh very legit. What kind of books should people uh read? People interested in self-help one and a fiction other uh courage to be disliked. If you can read English, you should read that book and you should read that book as a textbook chapter by chapter because um this is one book which is a behaviorist book. It's not a psychologist book because I think Adler himself does not call himself as a psychologist. So uh it's not from Freud psychology. It's from Adlerian psychology and this is a book which says yes things have gone wrong. What do you choose to do going forward? So my crux of this entire conversation is because I'm a pro-Addler person. I really really like saying yeah things are bad. What can we do? What can we do? We can sit there and we can keep telling this has happened or we can choose to take a step forward little by little. Adler uh Adler's courage to be disliked and the follow-up book of courage to be happy over a course of two years you read these two books you have a master's degree in your head of how to live life which has a red circle. Yes. And the yellow one being the happy one. Correct. So this is definitely a book that has to be read. Uh but if you have teenagers in life and if you feel like I you know this is going to be a very heavy book because Adler is a very heavy personality. He kind of lifts you by the neck, holds you to the wall and gives you one tight thing and says you've screwed it up. You screwed it up. So he's known he's known to be that person. But yeah, in spite of it, you'll go back. You'll go back and you'll say, "Yeah, correct only what he said." But I did like the way you said, so I'm going to try to correct myself. So another book that I always tell people is um read this book called the book of joy. The book of joy is a conversation between uh Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama. Uh this talks about uh the same set of emotions from a perspective of spirituality and secular ethics. So for kids who are looking at having um global citizenship as a goal, uh they don't want to be constrained by boundaries. They don't want to look at life like that. Um I think secular ethics is the way forward. And all of us who read books, the book of joy is a great book to uh read. So this is another book that I definitely would recommend. Um I would also recommend um if you are reading Indian fiction um like I said I think u a good book would definitely be anything of a Ruskinborn book. Uh Palace of Illusions is very very good as a fictional book only if you haven't gone through polygamy or people have broken your trust don't read that book because you'll you'll kind of start questioning everything from that perspective of saying what if is this the same thing that's happening to me? If you've been cheated on then no but otherwise it's a good written book. I really really like the way it's written. Um Amishati's books are also a good set of books that we can read. So I've given a bunch of recommendations and what I also loved is you gave a disclaimer as to who is it for because usually books are misunderstood like you know no there is no one thing fitting for all right like um so thank you for your suggestions and uh um kindly nominate three personalities that we should have on just curious. Ah okay I think I gave the names last time right? Um, this time for English, I would still stick to the same uh all the three all the all the three same names. Sonam Wchuk forever. I I remember last time I mentioned Sonam Wangchuk and people didn't even know who he is and today I'm sure the world knows who Sonam Wangchuk is. So Sonam Wangchuk, the Dalai Lama and Sushmatas like Dalai Lama, I don't know. See so um what surprises me is there there are a few things that I would have written as my content cues and at times even if I would have forgotten to name them somehow through the conversation those names come in and I'm not even kidding you today about happiness I had written three quotes and out of that one quote is happiness is not something ready made it comes to you from your own actions is what Dalai Lama has said and then like somehow everything is like connected through your suggestions and what you also mentioned So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think he is a person who is a personification of kindness. Definitely would uh put in all the efforts and believe that he will come here someday. So let me sign something for you. How was just curious English for you Kalani? Oh very good. Like you know I don't do podcasts at all Rashmi. I don't know if you're aware. This is the only podcast that I've come and this is the only one that I work with because I really like the way that you engage and I know it comes from a very noble space. Uh it doesn't come from anything else of uh there's no there's no other complexes with what you do. So I've for me it it really feels nice. So that's why I've also chosen to come back again and I would always come back to your podcast because I know I know it's in the right place. It comes from the right place. Thank you so much for these u like encouraging words which will always be a reminder for me whenever I lack some. Oh no you should not you should see how much people really like your podcast and uh I've heard from couple of people myself. So I think it's going really well. Um and the way that you've also taken it to the region in the Canada language I think is also also very very very very beautiful and precious. So kudos to you and all the best Rashmi. Thank you Kalini. Now with Jasurya's English right now with English my whole the whole world is my map and I will put my head down in the right uh spirit. Hopefully what hopefully I think I will choose the right path and with the proper emotional you know understanding and my vision and all of that I will continue to be a good student through my podcast. I I'm sure. I'm sure. And to all the listeners, I've seen you personally as well. So, I want them to know that this is honest effort. I've seen you put that honest effort. And um you definitely deserve to grow. You definitely deserve to hold that lamp and say from the south of our country, this is somebody who did this and um across the country too. I don't think anybody is doing it with a genuine reason of how you do it. So, kudos to you and we will all keep rooting for you. Yeah, thank you so much. It really mean it really means a lot. Thank you. And let me sign this for you. What do I write to a woman who knows it all? Oh no, that's still uh space left to always keep the learnings alive through the curiosities of your mind. Thank you. So Krypalani uh I've written uh dear Kalani you're a joy to interact with enriching and making us thinking beings. So more power to you Apur Rashmi just thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It means a lot. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. This episode's desert partner is Polar Bear. Polar Bear, the ice cream Sunday zone. Polar Bear is now present in 160 outlets, 30 cities, and in five states. If you are a vegetarian, that 200% vegetarian, Polar Bear is for you. The menu has 40 plus ice cream sundaes, and all the ice creams are made from pure milk. What are you waiting for? visit and keep sharing the Sunday love. So guys, how was our conversation today? Uh definitely looking forward to see in the comment section as to what were your aha moments or like what were your uh reflections as to oh why didn't somebody tell this to me before and also of course which part of our conversation kind of changed your perspective towards life is something that we look forward to. Until next time. Uh, yes. Krypalini, you're available on Instagram as Krypalini Swami only, right? Yes. Um, yeah. And you're on Facebook, YouTube, YouTube, Insta. Yeah. LinkedIn. LinkedIn. Yeah, I think X. No, not on X. I've chosen not to be on X. Oh, quite understandable with all the firefighting happening on on the platform. Thank you. Until next time. Thank you. Thank you, Rashm. Thank you. Thank you.
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