Why Do Women Love Toxic Men? | Relationship Coach Ramya Raman Reveals the Truth 🔥❤️

Why Do Women Love Toxic Men? | Relationship Coach Ramya Raman Reveals the Truth 🔥❤️

Author Name:One Billion Dreams with Darpan | Telugu Podcast

Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@OBDwithDarpan

Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXa4UOdXZbQ





Title: Why Do Women Love Toxic Men? | Relationship Coach Ramya Raman Reveals the Truth 🔥❤️

Author Name: One Billion Dreams with Darpan | Telugu Podcast

Description: How much do we really understand about LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS and the HUMAN MIND? ❤️🧠

Why do people overthink? Why do relationships lose their spark? Is checking your partner's phone a sign of love or insecurity? Why do people cheat? And what really goes on inside the minds of prisoners?

In this thought-provoking episode of One Billion Dreams with Darpan, we sit down with Ramya Raman Garu – Relationship Coach, Counsellor & Therapist for an honest and insightful conversation about love, modern relationships, mental health, human psychology and some deeply moving experiences from her counselling journey.

From understanding Gen Z relationships and childhood trauma to hearing a prisoner's story that deeply shook our guest, this episode explores the many layers of human emotions and behaviour.

🎙️ IN THIS EPISODE, WE DISCUSS:
❤️ Love, attachment and relationship dynamics
💔 Overthinking, breakups and emotional healing
🧠 Depression, sadness and the human mind
📱 Trust, insecurity and cheating in relationships
💑 Gen Z relationships and changing relationship values
⚖️ Counselling prisoners and real-life experiences
🤖 Can AI replace therapists and counsellors?
👨‍👩‍👧 Childhood trauma and its impact on relationships
💍 Rising divorces and how couples can build stronger relationships

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS – QUESTIONS & DISCUSSIONS

0:00 – 2:21 | Teaser

2:33 – 7:24 | What Is the One Thing People Hide Most Often During Therapy?

7:25 – 9:33 | Do Clients' Stories and Therapy Sessions Emotionally Affect a Therapist?

9:34 – 11:10 | What Makes a Great Therapist Different from an Average Therapist?

11:11 – 16:35 | How Can We Overcome Overthinking?

16:36 – 18:32 | How Do We Stop Thinking About Someone and Break That Mental Loop?

18:33 – 21:21 | Can Going to the Gym Help Us Move On from Someone?

21:22 – 22:42 | Is It Okay to Keep a Backup Option While Being in a Relationship?

22:43 – 24:16 | Have You Ever Advised a Couple to Break Up?

24:17 – 26:12 | Why Does Love Feel Magical in the Beginning, and Why Does That Feeling Fade Over Time?

26:13 – 27:12 | What Can Couples Do to Make Their Relationship More Beautiful?

27:13 – 28:36 | Do Opposites Really Attract?

28:37 – 29:22 | What Should Couples Do When They Are Thinking About Breaking Up?

29:23 – 32:03 | Is Checking Your Partner's Phone Love or Insecurity?

32:04 – 36:45 | Why Do People Cheat in Relationships?

36:46 – 43:16 | Can Artificial Intelligence Replace Therapists and Counsellors?

43:17 – 53:37 | What Was Your Experience Conducting Counselling Programmes for Prisoners?

53:38 – 1:05:19 | A Prisoner's Story That Deeply Shook Our Guest

1:05:20 – 1:10:31 | Are Gen Z Relationships Healthy and Meaningful?

1:10:32 – 1:15:24 | Does Childhood Trauma Continue to Affect Our Adult Relationships?

1:15:25 – 1:20:06 | What Should We Understand Before Getting Into a Relationship?

1:20:07 – 1:26:25 | Why Are Divorces Increasing in This Generation, and How Can We Reduce Them?

1:26:26 – 1:27:45 | One Final Message for Every Couple ❤️

💬 JOIN THE CONVERSATION

What do you think is the biggest reason relationships fail today – lack of love, lack of respect, trust issues or poor communication?

Share your thoughts in the comments!

If you enjoyed this conversation, LIKE, SHARE and SUBSCRIBE to *One Billion Dreams with Darpan* for more meaningful conversations and inspiring stories.

🎙️ ONE BILLION DREAMS WITH DARPAN
Real Conversations. Real Experiences. Different Perspectives.

#OneBillionDreams #RamyaRaman #relationshipcoach #therapist #relationshipadvice #genzrelationships #loveandrelationships #mentalhealth #depressionawareness #psychology #prisonstories #telugupodcast #obd #love #relationship #onebilliondreamswithdarpan

Transcript:
(00:09) [music] >> Love starts when I start hitting [music] things about you. Go back to the days when you first fell in love and the reason why you fell in love. >> [music] >> I believe in this formula which is a very Hyderabad formula, [music] okay? It says, "Ye nahi aur sahi, aur nahi aur sahi." A case which came to me where a child is
(00:54) still in her ninth class and got pregnant. Are you talking about the boy? How old is he? He's just in his tenth class. In the Cherlapally jail was already there. What got you here? He says, "Mereko aaneka tha, mai aagaya." So, I'm like, "But kiya kya aapne?" He says, "Kuch nahi, zyada kuch nahi kara. Meri biwi ko mara.
(01:13) Aur meri biwi ke saath uska boyfriend ko mara." For almost about 5 5 7 minutes, I couldn't talk. I'm looking at them. I don't even know whether I should smile not smile. You know, he paristhiti is like very daridra main na paristhiti. Overthinking also the mind tells you "Rey, ekkuva chestunnavura. Intha important ledu.
(01:36) It doesn't really need so much of attention." Ani cheptadi. But we being we, we like to go into cribbing zone. So, we go into that. But after, you know, this instead of cheating happened. So, suppose there's a bowl that's got a crack. [music] What they do is they come up with this concept where they add gold to it. Kani a gold makes the value more.
(02:02) Ala money partner >> phones check this one so do you think it's love or insecurity? >> I will not say >> [music] >> it's insecure, but it is just a reassurance. >> Beautiful advice for all the lovers. >> Don't take your relationship for granted. >> Also, ma'am. >> They hide the primary part is the vulnerability.
(02:46) A vulnerability and they they're scared. They're anger. Any of these feelings kind of they don't want to show. >> Yeah. >> They're short-temperedness even anything example just tell them that. But these are the primary things they hide because they don't want that. Original self to be out in public and I say public even if it is one-on-one it is still a stranger that I'm telling to I'm opening myself up to you kind of so that's a very.
(03:16) That's a very challenging position that these people are in. Okay, for that matter name could have been there I will also in first attempt not open myself up because I need to know which place and I don't want to be in that position at all. So one is that vulnerability part. In my experience that I've had. People will come up with.
(03:38) Which will be their stories but they will they will project as if they somebody else's stories. Me and you kept that madam so. These are one indicative saying problem not it. But I'm putting somebody else because I'm scared. I don't want to be treated as a fool saying. Because I don't We always are scared of what people are going to judge.
(04:04) >> Correct. >> I am not worried about clearing my air. I am worried about oh my god, what other things are people going to put on me? Right? Are you okay with it? More of the set of people who have come to me are people who come for counseling because they understand that there's a problem. But they'll project it in such a way where they'll blame it on the other partner.
(04:25) >> Mhm. Mhm. >> And then you just So, that's another catch for a you know, counselor or a therapist to identify saying, "Aha, this is one more red alert." But I think this is the fourth category of people. So, the fourth category of people are even more interesting. They only come to test you. >> Mhm. >> So, like in English they say, "I want to test waters.
(04:56) " You know, before I open up. You make a problem on that level. >> Correct. Correct. >> So, you learn the before category of people. One of the ability of what you have done. One category is making a story around putting it as somebody else's story. Number three is my story but blaming it on my partner.
(05:12) Number four is this where I want to test if this person is right enough. >> Yes. >> So, Um See, one thing that we all need to understand is counseling is not one day's job. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Some of them they take longer to open up. Some of them open up like this. Head to toe, you'll know everything. That is the bestest thing that can be possible.
(05:44) But that is provided the client is open enough and you know, sane enough to know what he wants. But you'll find that kind of a maturity very less. Can you not so much? Right? So, how do you find out? You have multiple sessions. Now, there is what another thing what therapists and counselors do, even coaches do, which I am also.
(06:13) So, what we do is Nico a question or Nico the I asked you a question, say number five. Fifth look a question again on Connie. Same question, I'll rephrase it and use it at the 25th number. Now, I have the data of what you told in the fifth number, but new a flow matter that Nico book after and you will be able to you'll go opposite the answer.
(06:34) Exactly. Same match out of the you are stable. Okay, even if I have twisted the question. But it can most of the time you get a catch is similar questions no occur distance of birth day. You'll catch it like this. And it gets what mismatch out of the answers low and you sort it. Then you start identifying those and then you frame questions on those lines.
(06:56) And then you try and get the answer out. Some counseling or therapies are a little challenging. Some probably need psychiatric intervention medic like we say medical intervention. Some might just go on with counseling. Some might just be a position where people just want to vent it out. You know, now matter we know you have any good there will be time that people will walk up to you and say that also.
(07:23) And probably they don't need one. Initially, initially you do because we are human at the end of the day emotions gather and we also have a habit of quick judgments. And then I control say stay you still have a quick judgment there. Then you realize story we then you realize a matter not judgment reality connection and they do look how quick I was in deciding about people.
(07:59) I think I got that it so it is not every therapist, every counselor study wise certification these could have any good different mindset and they But when you take the same mindset and you sit, it is very different because the environment is different, people are different, emotions flow. So, every therapist goes through that phase where you suddenly get swayed away saying ain't just an animal can't help jail like a person and I know I feel so incapable.
(08:28) I feel so you know ain't doing any you know I'm doing this all element and he but over a period of time with experience you tend to disconnect. You try to treat like okay okay discussion and that finish and that will do that. Like for that matter our podcast, right? I indeed interviews I ate discussion and he I'll move on with mine you'll move on with yours.
(08:51) That's where the segmentation needs to happen. You will have to consciously keep telling yourself yeah therapy session low and as a counselor when I sit I always tell myself that I should not get swayed away. I write the data exactly the way it is being told not put my data into it and make it more juicy. Right so I could a presence of mind I could awareness no matter we'll be able to pull it through.
(09:21) So quantum distance but quality you cannot get to attached and connected. Okay distance a formal distance has to be maintained so that you're able to hold on to your ground. See for anything there are people who have had 50 years of experience. Okay. Yet certain people have not been able to connect with them. I came into counseling field and therapy field for what 12 years now? And I have had students connect with me I've had marriage challenges people connected with me I've
(10:05) had girlfriend boyfriend relationship connect with me. And there are people who have walked into my sessions saying, "Aiyo, it is fine. First session is okay, Ramya. Otherwise, you're not a fitment." So, this is very personal connect to everybody. So, you cannot say "Wok at the fit and and then fit I It's not one a person that fits all.
(10:25) You know, it's a personal connect that you have. The rapport that you need to build. The comfort that you make the other person feel about. A lot of things come into picture. Does that make sense? >> Yeah, yeah. >> You cannot say "Can I go to the best one or the Can I go to the not so best one?" The not so best one, how do you decide he's not best? He's best for somebody else, right? >> Yes, yes.
(10:47) >> So, you cannot grade it that way. >> Yeah, yeah. >> That's why I keep telling people that when you come in for the word called counseling or therapy, don't come with a rigid mindset saying For all that you know, it might not click at all. For all that you know, you don't have to go to other people, this will click.
(11:04) >> Correct, correct, correct. >> Right? So, it's matters a lot. >> And thinking about that. For example, I'll search in chat GPT and I'll do research. >> Okay, I'll
(11:52) try and simplify this. Serena? >> Yeah, yeah. >> This is divided into two segments. One is the overthinking part. We'll come to that a little later. One is identifying every word and its meaning part of it. >> Yeah. >> Okay? Kash Talu, difficult times, breakup in a relationship, somebody very close passing away, sadness even me has always been a part of a human journey.
(12:19) >> Perfect. >> So, it has been in my life, it's been my Amma's life, it's been in my grandmother's life, it's been in my daughter's life, it'll be for the next generation so long as we all live. Catch here is that since technology is very accessible to this generation, it's very easy for me to pick up words. So, like, you know, generations have got lingos, you know? While the vocabulary easy to fit into the meaning the leader is secondary, but this looks something to do with my mental health.
(12:54) Okay? But there are some people who also do a research, but the problem with the research is that the definition that actually depression means or panic attack means or anxiety means a meaning might be putting it. Okay? Dictionary wise the meaning might be different. Clinically the definition will be again something very different.
(13:18) So, I will use it here that our depression is on the run. So, it's like so casually people say depression as a word. So, they don't get the definition difference between sadness and depression like we talked earlier. >> Yes, yes. >> All right? Sadness is more temporary. It's there for some time, then it fades slowly.
(13:38) And then you're good to go. Okay? Depression remains with you for a longer time and affects multiple you know, segments of your life. >> Correct, correct, correct. >> So, e-definitions and GPT model. Okay? So, for children, that's the best friend. That's So, if I want to propose to somebody or see how my marriage or my sexual life can work, all I need to do is put to ChatGPT and it'll give series of answers and I'm assuming that's the right way to do it.
(14:09) Right? So, when you talk about understanding the words, let me let me make it very clear that a lot of us, younger generations, do not really know what it means. >> Mhm. >> Okay, they're using it because they feel good about it. They feel that oh, if I say this word, my Amma will be alert about it.
(14:33) If this comes to understanding that Amma will probably tell me take a break for a few days from school or college. Don't go. So, I don't know what the meaning actually means. That's one segment. Now, when you talk about the word called overthinking, we need to understand one thing that overthinking has no timeline to it. That means decision-making is something which is very delayed.
(15:00) That's where the overthinking element comes. Okay? Um For For example, you said breakup. Okay. I know I It's not a new thing. I know relationships Some relationships sustain, some relationships don't. And to run a relationship, two people are important. Sometimes extra also are important.
(15:20) I'll discuss about that later. But what the heck is it? Now, for a relationship to work, if one is immature and one seems to be mature, it will not work. Both are immature, probably it will work because for both them both of them it looks the same. So, when we talk about the word called overthinking after I've gone through a breakup, this has to be a segment where I can feel sad about.
(15:44) I'll feel sad about it a month. I might feel sad about it say 2 months, 3 months, but after that, my life should move on. Are you able to understand what I'm saying? If I am still thinking about the same thing and the other person has moved on, then it's stupidity of my part to sit and cry about it. >> Correct. Correct.
(16:03) >> Because I will not get that person and I should actually not get that person. Because he's never been a fitment in my life. So, when you are in a relationship, you need to understand that there will be plus, minus, into, divide. Mhm. If anything that is overtaking my personal space, my my mind, my heart, my thinking >> Mhm.
(16:26) >> Think it over that it's an overtaking of things. >> Mhm. >> Are you able to relate to what I'm saying? >> Yeah, yeah, I understand. >> So, anything that's overpowering my thinking capability I'm overthinking. >> Yeah. >> How do I break the loop? Is that what you're trying to tell me? >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Okay, I'm a very practical person.
(16:57) >> Yeah. >> Okay? I'm going to tell you something very funny. Might not fit everybody, but it worked for me. >> Yeah. >> I believe in this formula, which is a very Hyderabadi formula, okay? It says, "Ye nahi, aur sahi. Aur nahi, aur sahi." Okay? This simply means just because somebody has walked out of my life doesn't mean I have to hook onto that person.
(17:17) >> Mhm. >> He's already unhooked and gone. >> Mhm. >> Okay, I'm the one who's latching onto it. Whose life is now getting troublesome? It's mine. >> Correct. >> Right? So, what can I do to better my life? >> Mhm. >> There was a reason why that person was there in my life. He did some good things. He did some not-so-good things.
(17:33) Can I learn from that and give an opportunity for somebody else to walk into my life? Can I be a little more aware that the next person who's coming into my life, I will do a little more testing and trying before I do that? >> Mhm. >> Can we do that? Right? Because what has happened, there's nothing I can do about it.
(17:50) But what I can do is what I can work around. So, when you do overthinking, you're stuck in that loop. >> Mhm. >> But if you say that there is another option there that is available that I can look at, much better, much in something that fits me perfectly well, why am I losing an opportunity of having some nice people coming into life? >> Mhm. >> Right? So, overthinking is when you're stuck.
(18:11) >> Mhm. >> And how do you cut the loop? Is you tell yourself that there are better things out there in open. This is not the whole world. There's a world outside that needs me and I need some people. >> Mhm. And there are some beautiful people there. It's a nice world. It's not all that dirty. There are some very nice people also who can be a part of my life.
(18:43) So then then it also means that tomorrow when you meet somebody else and you'll stop gym, huh? >> [laughter] >> So no, don't Logic is not about gymming is for me. Gymming is that I want to be more stronger internally. I want to be more stronger mentally because I've always told this to people that mental and physical well-being are together.
(19:06) You started with 2 kg of weight. Within 1 month you'll start seeing you're going into a 5 kg weight because gym 3 kg 4 kg then there'll be next 5 kg weight. You started to do that. Then you're slowly going to a 7.5. Progressiveness. I don't think they Does that make sense? So I am getting better every time and I'm getting stronger every time.
(19:31) From a 2 kg to a 5 kg is a 3 kg jump. Physically you're not capable of doing it but what do you tell in your mind? In extra 15 16 close What is what So is it a physical thing that's happening or it's a mental work that's happening for Correct. We have taken our our mental ability for granted. It actually gives you a lot of indications.
(20:02) Even overthinking when I am overthinking also the mind tells you right equal just in the important it doesn't really need so much of attention and it kept kept kept it in me. We being we we like to go into cribbing zone so we go into that. So mind is a very beautiful muscle. Okay? It it actually has the ability to tell you right, wrong, good, bad.
(20:28) And there's a word called sixth sense. We women have it extra, I'm going to be. But there's something called a sixth sense. So, it can identify risk also then it tells both of you. Okay? Challenge you don't have to tell both of you. So, this brain is beautiful. Only thing is we choose not to listen to it.
(20:49) So, when you say overthinking you your brain is actually telling you you're And the same brain tells you >> [laughter] >> Just one more. Same brain. Same brain tells you you'll become a better physically and you look more attractive, you'll feel internally better. You're challenging yourself every time and the same brain is telling you you have to work at all.
(21:16) Stop it. This is waste. Spend your time more valuable somewhere else. Choose what you want to listen. Like you need your own say your own way or something. >> [laughter] >> It is. It is. Um why? Because you are committed to the person. So, so long as you're in that commitment that needs your time, it needs your attention, it needs your focus, it needs your support.
(21:59) Right? Now, after the person has walked away for reasons whatever better known to both of you and you know that now it's somebody that I can't match up with, you know, I that relationship was too claustrophobic. Me and I'm not able to breathe in that relationship and you if if that indicative comes that clearly shows that if you're open to any other relationship you can go on with it.
(22:24) But till you're with one that basically says that your respect for me is high. Relationship that respect can never be compromised. Any relationship breaks when there is a disrespect or a discord. You never say anything. You let them decide. Because if mentally they're already separated, you and I cannot patch it up.
(23:08) Mentally means fit type of fix I put you on. Knock you. Me too. I'm done and leave you. I'm not happy with being with you. Suppose. Then which God comes down and tries to patch it up? It will not patch. Does that make sense? Right? So you as a I I I always believe that therapy on the knee coaching on the knee counseling on the knee you don't know what I'm saying.
(23:37) You don't decide for them. Because you still don't know the whole story. You walk a segment of style. Your girlfriend will give me one segment. Third party will give me another segment. So they that's what they say no. Truth came three three sections on the knee. One is a truth which you are saying. Me and you to relationship there's a truth that I am saying.
(24:00) You render truth. There's a third truth which you and I are not saying. So when you don't have the whole data, how do you decide what is right wrong good bad? That is number one. Number two. That relationship is between you and your girlfriend. How am I going to tell whether it's right or wrong? I'm a third party to it.
(24:22) Love starting the challenge beautiful on today. Butterflies on the entire world. Going to work at a time to work at a time at a person you feel irritated to and time. something to watch in the window is there any reasons? >> The first one when you said the word called love it's not love it's attraction. Love starts when I start hating things about you.
(24:48) Okay. Or Your opinion and my opinion for whatever reasons is not matching in a particular topic. That's where I still end up liking you because you are even if your point of view is different my point of view is different. We might think East West laga we might be thinking yet I like to be with you.
(25:13) You know that portion is called love. Love is not when you fall in love because everything when it is hunky-dory and you know butterflies and everything happening around then that's not love that's attraction. Okay sorry I attraction okay level of fade I think this will start. This starting is where you need to focus upon.
(25:34) Are you able to understand? So love is where you say that in spite of all the bad mashes all the garlic all the discomfort all the irritation all the opposite thinking partners that you and I are I would love to spend time because you keep me the way I am. I'm more happy when I'm with you. I love discussing with you. I love debating with you.
(25:59) I love to have different opinions to look at. That is called love. Attraction in a attraction is more on the physical front. Three. Communication. When I say communication English communication Telugu communication later. Speaking honest. Being honest about what it is. You know what I mean? You know? This is what I feel.
(26:41) Next time, please don't. So, next time when you don't do it, that means you're respecting me. So, first thing is communication. Second thing is respect. Okay? And the third thing is non-judgmental listening. Right? I might have a difference of opinion. But you cannot take this data and rub it on me later for the next fight. Okay? Maturity will only help.
(27:06) Okay, two people can still live on the same roof with still happiness along. Might have difference of opinion, but still can survive well. >> So, what's your opinion on opposite poles attract? And they have to >> Boring and both of them. >> [laughter] >> Boring and both of them. For example, I'm a very I'm a very adventurous person.
(27:34) So, I don't know and the explore theory and the experiment theory including drinking. So, it could try to do that. I could try to do that. I will forget that I will get totally and fall off, you know? I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. But I want to try everything. Okay? And there is one person who's very sober.
(27:52) Doesn't like drinking. Doesn't like parties. But a relationship goes well when I can see that part of the story, too. So, there are times when he will take me to you know, say, "Okay, let's go to Kumbakonam and and go visit this temple." >> Perfect. >> I will do that. Then there'll be a time when I will say, "Let's do it again.
(28:11) " He'll say, "I might not drink, but I'll come with you to the pub and let's enjoy the music. You dance, I will watch you." >> Perfect. >> So, this is where I'm still opposite, but I'm still trying what you are happy with and you will try what I'm happy with. Makes sense? >> Got it. Got it. >> Right? So, some days I will go to places where you like to go.
(28:32) And some days probably you'll come to the places I want to go. Are you talking in terms of they're coming to the therapist or Go back to the days when you first fell in love and the reason why you fell
(29:15) in love. If that reason still holds strong, see people change. So if still that holds strong for you, give it one more try. Interesting. Let me show you another perspective, okay? Um I will not say it's insecure, but it is just a reassurance. Okay? If when I'm in a relationship, I would like to know if my partner is fine.
(29:51) Okay? She is safe. Okay? Um suppose you've gone out with your you know, your girlfriends out for a say picnic or a general girl something. I would like to know that it's 10:00. I would like to know your location to know that you're coming home safe. Right? So this is very very centric to a relationship when they are in, okay? So if they are okay with sharing their locations, it's absolutely fine.
(30:20) They're open to um people got to go in and then they if I'm in relationship with you, I have to share my Instagram account password, Facebook password, and I feel then my husband my my my partner feels safe. What kind of aspect you see that people do? Okay? Having just because have an account doesn't mean everybody will all the time be busy watching your thing.
(30:42) Okay, but it also shows a sense of belongingness, a sense of being together. We are together. We are one. I trust you, you trust me. So, there's nothing bad happening. And I've nothing to hide. Now, when it crosses the limit, that's where is the problem. Okay. Now, I have given you my user ID password of Instagram, and we are in a relationship now.
(31:08) Everything is beautiful. We have been in relationship for 5 years. Everything is fine. People change for reasons better known to them. Now, suddenly my Instagram ID password changed. This itself is a red flag for you saying, "I'm my in me so much from it was like this with there's something wrong in our relationship.
(31:25) Something else is happening." So, in my generation, we never felt the need to share password and all, you know, never felt the need to share password and all. But, today's generation works operates differently. What we need to be careful about is are we crossing the limit? A limit in no cross check on the one day everything seems to be okay.
(31:46) You cannot keep questioning me. You do you are you photo to say what video you would be not getting to do say that I really know it's just a colleague from office. We all went for a picnic. You have to go to photo to say that I don't know what to say if I'm justifying for every breath I'm taking. red flag cheating So, >> [clears throat] >> It could be something that can start immediately.
(32:24) It could be something that can take a longer time. It could be because of communication. It could be because I want to experiment. It could be because I want to explore other opportunities. I just want to see how the world operates. I I want to test you whether you're insecure about me. I mean it is so wide a discussion you cannot just finish it in one question.
(32:46) Okay? Probably I'm not getting what I want from my relationship. Some other person is giving it to me. Probably he respects me more as Ramya versus you respecting me as a wife. He listens to me more better and doesn't judge Ramya for the data that Ramya gives. But you are somebody within no time you start judging me.
(33:10) I feel very uncomfortable. Right? So there could be so many reasons why people would do that. Like in cheating is very very to themselves very very personal to themselves. Right? So I do get um um you know, couples coming to me and saying I have seen him cheat on me. Now once cheater cannot always be a cheater. It could be it could have been a very um very very frail very um sudden situation arising and things must have happened and it never happened
(33:55) again. Okay? How big a heart do you have that you can forget and forgive and move on? Again very personal to the couple together. So it's not just communication. It is not just stress. It is not just uncomfortability. It could be multiple reasons why a person would even think about getting into you know cheating as a word.
(34:20) >> A cheating can cheater can always be a cheater. >> Like I said not necessary. No. You It's It's wrong. But yes, you should be on guard. You cannot be blindfolded and think that everything is back to normal. So you will be on guard. And that's okay. And after some time you'll get the validation also that it's not happening anymore.
(34:46) Again, how much commit how committed are you both into the relationship will matter. People have walked out in the first attempt also. Normal, like I said, normal you can't easy cover though. It will take time. Because Um have you seen these um Japanese I I'm forgetting the word though.
(35:21) So, there's a concept where there's a broken bowl and go. Okay, ceramic bowl on the and it's broken. Okay. Put it stuff. Right? So, suppose there's a bowl that's got a crack What they do is they come up with this concept where they add gold to it. >> Correct. >> Correct. >> And it the crack kind of that kind of gold makes the value more at the appearance looks different.
(35:47) Yet the person who has gone through that knows that there's a crack there. >> Correct. >> So, same thing. But if I and my partner have openly accepted the fact and now we know that we've been we have to now get our marriage back into you know, the path. Both of us have to be equally committed to it. >> Correct.
(36:08) >> Okay? But the other partner now who felt cheated will always have a red flag. Will always have a red flag till the time happens where she's now comfortable or he's comfortable to put their guards down. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, >> So, the cup looks different. >> It might be more beautiful as it >> looks more beautiful.
(36:46) >> [snorts] >> Uh >> It's a personal touch that makes the difference. Right? Um AI though you have to frame a sentence properly, give the right kind of command to give you a right answer. Um then you have to wait. You have to read. I can see my new data disco. Then you have to again rephrase it and all that. When it comes to a therapist or any individual for that matter, it's a face-to-face discussion like you and I are having.
(37:22) So a spontaneously new questions will stay, spontaneously new answers will stay. You can re-question it again. You can have a debate and discussion again. Right? So you have somebody who you're able to listen to. Okay. Um have a appreciate a difference of opinion and continue a conversation. ChatGPT or any other AI for that matter tool choose stay they do give information but it's a very vague.
(37:52) You can go deeper and then you should have the knack of asking the right kind of questions also. All of us are not capable of doing that. >> Correct. Correct. >> Okay. So you ask in a certain way to give you certain answers to the best of their ability. Then you try one more thing. Then you say, "Okay, imagine myself in a situation like this.
(38:06) " And then, "Oh, perfect. This is the best one." I don't even know what you're talking about. No, I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, best everything. Then think about it again. If I put another question think about yourself in a situation. You're like, "Yes, this is also perfect.
(38:20) " I need perfect answer and the wrong answer I can only Right? So I will not be able to um consolidate my thoughts to get a clear picture of what is right, what is wrong, what is good, what is bad. AI present AI capabilities and then AI then uh challenge and you can go perfect and convince you and then you can tell them I messed up and then I can mean you can make me feel good.
(38:47) So I mean you can tell them we have to re-verify. We can't >> You know, with a training program though, I was doing a leadership program. So, then I know. And the concept was leaders key one of them prepared just now because they're going to soon get about 150 160 Gen Z's joining their office. They are already at They are They are some of them are millennials who have grown up the ladder.
(39:15) Some of them are my category Gen X. Some of them are baby boomers, okay? So, being to remind them that in the generation if we are younger generation you could teach them how to work for us key. How are we going to handle the communication? How are we going to handle the workflow? Every generation thinks and operates differently. Each generation of other level of operate operate openly and how are we going to manage this? A normal discussion point that you need.
(39:42) >> [snorts] >> Discussion I need to put one of the guys said, I don't know. He's a millennial, okay? So, he was saying, "I don't know. I'm I'm I'm going to lead. I'm already leading about 30 Gen Z's. I will get another lot in the next hiring when they have. So, I will have the biggest group of Gen Z's that I'll be heading.
(40:04) I have realized to a very large extent that my communication sometimes fails because I'm not able to really explain the techni- technology nuances and the detail going to Japan and I don't know. Even if I know I'm very good at my technology skills. I'm super good. I'm taking on a leadership position of millennial I am.
(40:26) So, I know I'm capable of it, but the problem is I am not able to say it in a way when I'm doing the training program for them. Okay. So, what I tell them openly is please use any of the AI tools. Put a prompt in a in a particular fashion in a particular way. That will give you a better learning of the technology than I can do.
(40:51) So, if you don't need to do it differently. So, there is one who says, "I'm also using AI to help my team, the younger team, to improve their technology skills or learnings, which I am not capable of doing it." Okay? So, people are using it. Again, don't blindly use it. >> Correct. Correct. Correct. >> You have to validate.
(41:17) You'll have to check because every answer will be like, "Oh, super good. It fits me." But might necessarily not be the right one. Make sense? >> Yes. Yes. If you are, you know, believing in some system or some machine, I think it's not right. >> There's nothing called not right. I've had or sorry, we've had many cases where we have seen people who have said, "I
(42:01) want to kill myself." Okay? Go into the suicidal zone, and please tell me an easy way out. So, it actually tells you all the equipment it wants, all the chemicals that is possible under the sun. Everything is available. Everything is there. But when you talk of the word called therapy or counseling, it is always person people emotion centric.
(42:29) When you talk to an AI, it's not an emotion that it you can connect with. It's just a data that's being given. You're reading. If it fits you, you go ahead execute it. If you don't fit you, then you go out and do further research, further prompts, and then it'll give you some more, which again will not work.
(42:44) So, there are multiple things that happen. But when you come physically to a therapist or counselor or a coach one there is a one-on-one connect two there is an emotion connect three um the it's not a prompted answers that come out. It is very specific to um your problem, your need. Ma'am uh middle presents glow early you give this counseling session, right? So, how's your experience now how it started? Uh Well, I've been doing I was doing
(43:29) counseling even before I started this, but I do a lot of um seva um at Ramakrishna Matham. Ramakrishna Matham tied up with um the jails and wanted to come up with the concept called the Maha Parivartan program. Okay. So, this is as the name suggests Parivartan, change. So, this was for the inmates who are there um to help them look at life once once they come out to look at life more uh productively, more uh better, you know, to have a second innings which is nicer than what they've already um you know, gone through.
(44:09) So, since I am also a faculty for Ramakrishna Matham I do a lot of teaching um uh there at VIHE, Vivekananda Institute of Human Excellence. Um Swamiji was reaching out to all the faculties. I was the youngest faculty at that time. I I still am. So, um he reached out to me. First of all, I'm sure he must have been skeptical saying, "A he is too young to handle this.
(44:34) " But then he said, "Would you want to try?" That was very sweet of him. Because by then um the students started giving feedback that my uh classes were going fine. They were able to relate to the examples and you know, everything. So, they were very happy. So, Swamiji said, "Would you want to try also because you you you're a counselor?" Try to just about.
(44:57) So, I was a little skeptical initially. I was not sure. Prisoner Japan going there multiple things that come to your mind. Then one day I said, "Yeah. First, I would like to shadow somebody." Then because I want to go really I want to walk in then it comes back it comes back bad. So, I said, "I would like to shadow somebody and see how that faculty handles it.
(45:18) " And mind you all of these faculties are like 70 75 80 82. So, seasoned people. I said, "I will escort one of I'll go along with them. One program let me sit through. If I feel I'm a fitment, I'll openly come and tell you." I went and I still remember it's so vividly. I came back crying. I I didn't speak a word because I was not capable of speaking.
(45:44) It was a senior faculty 82-year-old. And whatever with life experiences Vivekananda's learnings and teachings and you know, Ramakrishna Paramahamsa's you know, whatever information is being coming down on books and referrals. Then for that he created the presentation. He went ahead and he delivered and so flawlessly he delivered.
(46:08) After he chose he was like a mind the capability not again later and he that was one element. The second one was where you have a segment where certain inmates can register themselves in advance saying I would like to talk to the faculty. Put myself out there. I'll see if there is any kind of a takeaway that I can have allowed to be.
(46:33) So, there was this position also where after the session got over most of the inmates went away. But it's also I think on the higher number. But more or less you'll have 10 or less than 10 numbers will be sitting. >> Yes. >> They tell their stories. Oh my god, it was so depressing is the word that I would say because it went on for a long time.
(46:55) I came back home. I could not eat, I vomited, I could not sleep, and Edi continuously I told them a couple of months. So, when Swamiji asked me key, "Are you ready now?" I told him no. I don't think I'm capable of handling it. It took me another 6 months to tell him I would like to give one more try. But this time I want to do it alone.
(47:20) You don't give me restrictions. You give me that liberty. It took me 6 months to come back to that. When So, there is this jail vehicle that comes to you and it comes with the name written jail there. So, when it comes to your apartment, it's crazy. [laughter] So, everybody is like, "Ramya, sub theek hai? Sub theek hai na? Kuch problem to nahi hai?" And I'm like, "Nahi, koi problem nahi hai.
(47:43) " And I never realized because when the jeep stands, it doesn't stand with its name on So, if the back side was facing me, I was like, "Ha, sub theek hai na?" Like, "Nahi, nahi." And then there was this guy with the, you know, gun and then the person sitting inside is also wearing his uniform. I was like, it's only later I realized, "Oh, jail ante idhi ah?" Then I said, "Please, apna gadi andar mat layo apartment mein.
(48:05) People think I've made a mistake." But jokes apart, that was the first time and on my way out, I was actually chanting Hanuman Chalisa. >> Yeah. >> Okay, because I didn't know how it's going to shape up. I didn't know the audience. I was so scared, okay? And I finished my Hanuman Chalisa four times I think by the time I reached.
(48:27) I still remember it was Cherlapally Jail. And I have no idea, okay? At the end of I went with that 82-year-old. So, I vaguely know Yedi. You have to surrender your phone, bags, security, all that will happen. Okay, and then there's a siren, all the typical thing, okay? And I go there and I sit and I can't talk. For almost about five five seven minutes I couldn't talk. I'm looking at them.
(48:52) I don't even know whether I should smile not smile. >> [laughter] >> You know, Edi Edi paristhiti is like very daridramaina paristhiti. You bloody can't laugh. You can't smile. Smile chesthe vallaki ela feel autundo like >> And then I said, you know what? >> [laughter] >> Let's put some songs. So, Sharada Mata those songs I put and then I said, "Okay, let's let's start.
(49:17) " Then I started my first session with them. I pretended I was strong. Internally I was not, but I pretended I know everything. I hold the ground and all that. I went I pretended everything. By the time I finished I had the counseling. I could not stand for counseling. I said, I I don't think I can handle.
(49:38) This is too much for me. It is very stimulating. I cannot take it. Then they gave me some water, settled me down. I was not in front of the inmates. They took me out and then settled me down. They came in. So, that was my first learning where I got two cases back-to-back. Where there was this young um very handsome young 6-ft guy, well-built, handsome.
(50:03) And the moment I saw him when I was doing my session, I didn't know why he was sitting there. This person shouldn't be sitting here. You should be outside in the world. What the hell is he doing here? So, he was a part of the you know, the person who had agreed to be a part of the counseling session. So, when I was talking to him one-on-one and that's when he mentioned that he had come from Harvard.
(50:26) And he'd come here for Pelli Choopulu. And um he's been there on scholarship. So, he was earning money and he wanted to take care of his parents here. So, his cool friend was running a business for which he was pumping in money. So, then he would put into the business, the business will grow, the money will grow, and the money parents would get certain amount of money for the regular you know, running of the family.
(50:48) This was the story. But then, why was he here? Because he got caught at the airport at the port of entry which is Hyderabad. And he got got caught because the money that he was sending to his friend and who was running the business um at the other end of it was more on the Hawala thing. And this guy had no clue because this friend of his is a school friend.
(51:11) So, nobody really doubts that longer relationship ever. And whenever he used to talk to his mom, the mom would say, "Ah, double was to me that much he could just put in a note. While I know he goes to school he gets the sub G gets the medicines." And he bought me to me that everything is so nice that you will not even have a doubt. Right? So, the process is on.
(51:35) Okay, so he's this this still a lot of groundwork that the people are doing and like I was saying like at that time. So, he said, "I've been on that side of the world where I knew how the law works of India. But now I'm I'm facing it. I know where the loopholes are." So, then I said, "So, what's your intent? What do you want to do? Because this none of us know how long it's going to take.
(51:58) " Um you ain't saying I'm going to do now. Then he said, "Um I I want to study." I said, "What is your line of interest? What would you want to study? It could be anything, right? I want to do my PhD this that." So, I didn't want to put the words into his mouth. So, I asked him what he would do. He said, "I was thinking um aloud that I would like to do law.
(52:17) " I said, "Why is your line of interest law?" And then he says, "Because I have seen the other side of the table and I know where the loopholes are. So, people like me there are so many in the world especially in India and many. So, I want to be a good advocate who can take care of these people when they when they are wrongly get accused for things like these.
(52:43) " And it was a very beautiful thought. And then he said, "I think I found my purpose." And now he's in a second year. Okay, and the jail is supportive, very very supportive. Um and he's doing a fabulous job of studying. He's finished his second year and now he's looking forward to finishing and becoming a lawyer.
(53:05) So, for me that's been an inspiration that, you know, even if there's one life that I can transform or help transform or lead it into transformation, I've done my job. >> Super. >> Right. But, there are other parts of the story, too. Like a coin has got two sides, right? So, one side happens to be this, which is a very positive reassurance that I'm looking forward to life in a very better manner.
(53:30) The other part of the story was a was a reality that hit my face. So, it was like uh uh uh um an inmate um who's already been who's already been there uh in in the Cherlapally jail for almost about by then itself it was about 2 and 1/2, 3 years. He was already there. Okay, and uh so, I asked him. I said, um "Aap kaise aaye yahan pe?" What got you here? He says, "Mereko aane ka tha, main aa gaya.
(54:02) " So, that itself was the biggest um jolt for me or slap on my face saying, "May I wanted to come, I came." I'm like, "Are you going to a park or a pub or what?" I mean, this is not a place anybody would want to be. I kaise aate ho bhai? Aise kaise? So, I can't say aise kaise aa gaya. So, I was like, "Okay, um aap aa gaye lekin aisa kya hua tha jo aap aa gaye?" "Nahi, main jo bhi kara jaan ke kara.
(54:23) Main karke aa gaya." I'm like, "I'm not getting answers." So, I'm like, "But, kiya kya aapne?" He says, "Kuch nahi, zyada kuch nahi kara." "Meri biwi ko mara aur meri biwi ke saath uska boyfriend ko mara." I was like, for me mara can be this mara? One chappad mara? Um it could be blood aane wala mara. I'm mara for me as a word is only I will recover.
(54:53) I didn't realize till I spoke to him further to understand that he had killed both of them. And then now I am very curious. One, how did you kill? Number two, what was the reason why you killed? So, then he said that um ma'am everybody in my society where I lived did tell me that my wife had somebody in her life, but I loved her too much.
(55:17) And I trusted her blindly. But one day I did miss out something at home for which I had come back with no intent otherwise. I mean not to check on her. I know that for sure I didn't. But when I came and I saw her with her her lover I just couldn't take it. Then I realized that I have a 5-year-old daughter who is right there in that house in that house at that moment.
(55:41) And I couldn't take that thought out of my head that oh my god, is this this this my child is going to be living with this lady? Oh my god, I don't think my child is going to be safe. And in the spur of the moment, I just took a deem yeah, I don't know what do you call him Telugu that um art and that Rubutha Ragada um Dosha whatever. Okay.
(56:05) So he takes that Goli Banda? >> Banda. >> take that Banda and he hits the wife and he takes the same thing and hits the boyfriend. And he's very clear. I did the right thing. That's that's the attitude he was talking to me. And then he said I said then where's your baby now? Okay. He said what I'm I'm make up pass and my is with my mother.
(56:25) And I'm like, okay. He says because my mother raised me right. So I know she's much safer that to to be with my mom than I leaving her with the child's mom. I was not ready for it. Then he tells me and I had I I said Hanji Sunliya. He says Achha madam Aap to yaha pe sabko bohot kuch bolne aati hai ki life zindagi sudharo sab kuch karne bolne aati hai.
(56:56) Aap mujhe ek baat bataye madam. Agar aap ye jagah me meri jagah me hoti to aap kya karti? I thought a second thought I would have done probably the same thing what you have done. And I was like Barabar yehi karti Baba isse bhi kuch aur hota to wo bhi karti. You know that that that's the kind of thought that came to me because it it's not right.
(57:18) And I was like I said but I cannot tell him. Okay. I said I am in that place now. I could have done the same thing. Now when I am in my mind thinking I would have probably done the same thing. That means he's right, no? But if I say a culprit Okay, say a prisoner that you're right, then it gives him a more a chance to think that whatever he's doing is right and killing is okay.
(57:47) >> Correct. Correct. >> Right? So I was then then I had to sober myself down get myself back to senses and tell him that it's not about what you did, it's about what you're what is what you're going through now, where you are away from your child. And none of us know what your mother is telling the child, what the society is telling about you to the And tomorrow when you go out and everything goes fine and everything favors you and you go out, will your child be able to accept you with the genuinity that you're
(58:17) saying that I did it because of this particular reason? So it was then he he was crying. I will not lie. Probably it's been 2 years that he was there. He had tears in his eyes. I controlled myself otherwise I would have broke down too. Right? So this trip [snorts] not just one trip, there are many such incidents I can talk talk and talk and talk.
(58:44) But primarily what I'm trying to say is the life that you and I see when we sit and watch it in movies and the reality check that happens when you go there is very different. So that made me realize this is the true life. If Ramya is making an effort of helping somebody, let me try and see how I can help this guy who comes out 7 years or 10 years later.
(59:07) Will I be able to give him a kind of a job that gives him respect? Then my counseling is of no use if I'm not able to do that. Right? So, that that was my takeaway. That there's much more to do than just sitting and giving gyanam. Gyanam everybody gives. See, they can use it on YouTube, also. But, what difference can I make? Is where the whole element came in.
(59:33) >> Uh ma'am, uh okay, survey law which happened in 2025 53% of working Indian women are in affairs. And you okay, stats on them, so then you can have your opinion on that. >> 53% is what is being visibly seen. It's being registered by whichever survey that they've done. There are many which are unheard, unknown, probably invisible as of now.
(1:00:05) They're still there. Um If your question means to say that why is this happening, then I must tell you that maximum amount of our time manam office we spend just now. Say anywhere between 10 hours to 11 hours on a daily basis we spend. Most of our peak time of is spent at office and with people who are in the office.
(1:00:33) It could be team, it could be across team, we might be collaborating, all set and done. After a certain time being in a particular project or working together, you go beyond hello, hi, and go into the next level of being friends. >> Yes. >> You go out for lunch together, you I When I say lunch together, it doesn't necessarily mean outside of office.
(1:00:52) You can do it in your cafeteria. You have a jing bang of people whom you go with, you go together. If somebody smokes, you say, "Ah, let's all take a break. Let's If it's a sutta break, chai break, everybody goes together." Kada? So, friendship, communication, and level of communication will start changing. Okay? And then I start realizing that there's a kind of a rapport that's got built up separately with you.
(1:01:20) But you are able to resonate with what I'm saying. I am liking the way you speak. You seem to understand my point of view. You're able to connect with me with the problem I have with my boss because your boss my boss is the same. [laughter] So I will connect with you on those lines. And unknowingly you slip into this part.
(1:01:42) Okay? Majorly because maximum amount of time is being spent there. That's number one. Number two, if your foundation on the personal level, when I say personal level, I'm talking home front. Okay? You'll be great friends. You'll be super friends. You might probably come to each other's house with your respective spouse and family.
(1:02:04) Great. Probably go on vacations together. Super good. And you know what is that? Provided e-personal space illu is very strongly bonded. Right? Our trust element our prema our respect everything is like there perfectly there. Then you don't slip. Otherwise there's a 101% possibility that it's very easy to go because maximum amount of time I'm spending is here, less at home.
(1:02:35) Because when I go home I have my children, I have my in-laws, I have this, I have that. I have to go wash vessels, I have to eat food, I have to cook food for tomorrow. So many chores I do then I'm so exhausted I go back to sleep. So value as a person who values me more, at home or there? Right? So then you will there is a very strong connect when it comes to work space.
(1:03:01) And okay, long time ago yeah, there used to be this terminology called work husband and work wife. Not on a not on a literal sense, but you work as a team. You work a project like that or no? You know? So we work together. So we spend more time together, more like a family. Ta-da! So, that's why this term came up.
(1:03:24) Doesn't mean it literally means, but this is probably some of the many reasons why there's a slip. >> Yeah. So, what do you What's your thought on this, ma'am? More before a physical cheating, emotional cheating happens. >> It's almost It's always emotional first and physical later. After the So, see, if it is for a uh teenager, it's physical first.
(1:03:53) >> Mhm. Yes. >> Emotionally. >> Yes. Yes. >> Okay, because the hormones are um high, the need of it is more, thanks to AI being there, all other information I've already got. Now, I have to experiment it practically. >> Yes. >> Right? So, all that is because the hormones are high. >> Correct. Correct. >> So, physical comes in first.
(1:04:12) Emotion later. So, then you know Or maybe emotion will never come. I don't know. But once you become a seasoned player, you know, you become like 30, 35, 30 I don't know, but anywhere between this this range of 35, 40, when you become more stable, more mature, I put a new physical together, you see? Emotion looks new.
(1:04:32) >> Perfect. >> Physical will be there. It's not that there, but that's not the first connect that I would like to have with you. >> Correct. Correct. Correct. >> I would like somebody that I want to spend time with. I'm giving all, you know, double meaning jokes. You should be able to catch it like this. You know? And you should not judge me on this.
(1:04:50) If I'm saying something very sarcastically, you should be able to figure it out. You learn TV is where we are talking in terms of the connect element. Okay? Talking about house challenges, talking about office challenges. These are all where emotional connect comes more stronger. Physical and only later. Because physical goes to both of them run families.
(1:05:10) Both of them have to be ready. 99.99% of the times you not find quick [laughter] >> Correct. Correct. >> getting what you want. This is where the difference is. >> But if you put in Gen Z all the relationships are more uh more of attention than a proper relationship and all that. Like what do you mean relationship and all that? Like attention is more important than a relationship? Should I do e- concerts and all that? Benching, situationship, all these things.
(1:05:39) So, what's your thought? Gen Z and all that. >> See, everything seems to be going way before time. For example, I'm going to be very personal here. So, when I got my first periods, okay, when I was probably in my ninth ninth class. Okay, I'm a probably must have had it later to that. My daughters seem to be getting it much more quicker.
(1:06:11) Are you able to relieve it? So, now the hormone kick is kicking in seventh class. Yeah, kind of ninth or kind of seventh. So, hormones are kicking in. There are There is a reason why those hormones are there. Okay, there is a reason why periods happen and there is a reason why there is a die or need that I want to be physically with somebody.
(1:06:35) Right? The touch, the the hugging, the you know, just the very fact of the person being around and I'm able to touch the person makes you feel so good. Right? So, when you look at this concept, you have to understand that everything is happening very very quickly and way ahead of time. Number two, thanks to AI being at the tip of your fingers, you know, I don't even have to you know, I don't even have to ask anybody.
(1:07:09) I can get all information right there. >> Exactly. >> Right? And now I'm there to explore it. I'm excited to explore it. So, there is no word called I'm in a relationship with you. I am in physical relationship with you. I'm in a situationship with you. I'm in a contract right [laughter] now. I mean unofficially. You have no one now now. Let us enjoy.
(1:07:35) They have no 10th class and 11th grade people. Then >> [laughter] >> you go by your way, I go my way. Our concept is situationship. There are many names that you can give but the end of the day this is the fundamental. Right? So, emotions are not there. I am a I'm a trainer who has done a lot of certifications when it comes to posh, when it comes to posco.
(1:08:08) I have seen a case which came to me where a child is still in her ninth class and got pregnant. Are you able to understand what I'm saying? Are you talking about the boy? How old is he? He's just in his 10th class. So, both of them are not major yet. So, it's just so difficult to now the child has to know the girl has to go through her share of, you know, abortion. She went through the abortion.
(1:08:38) Then the parent has to take this child out and put it into another school. And it's not easy. It's a lot of mental trauma that physical trauma, mental trauma. So, I'll have to take it. So, if if if this is the trend that we are we need to just be very vigilant about it. Let the people know why you should do certain things in a certain age and why you need to be careful.
(1:09:06) Does it make more relevance? There is something there is a word called maturity. Everybody grows in a place that works for them. Everybody grows. Some might take 10 years to mature. Some might just mature like this, you know. You might find ninth class children also very mature in their head. Okay, you might find colleagues of yours acting immature for 32 and 35.
(1:09:47) So it's very subjective. What a life growth and all people around them and all circumstances and all all of them had a lot of things to it. So maturity is you can't say this element of maturity will come at this age, this age, this age, but I can guarantee that everybody matures. That's why I said gave you the example, right? Younger generation to physical first, emotional later.
(1:10:19) How is the trend changing that it is emotional first and physical later? >> After experience. >> After experience, after being a little more mature, what I want, what I don't want. >> Yes, yes. >> What I want in my partner, what I It'll happen. Everybody goes through that phase. >> [clears throat] >> She want to date someone who is dominating.
(1:10:48) I think it's correct like what the exact opposite. Correct. >> I've seen both of them. I've seen a case where she likes being dominated. When I say the word when I mean by domination is somebody has to make decisions for her. I'm in relationship with you. But I feel myself very incapable of making decisions.
(1:11:16) So I Nana has been doing it for so long and Nana has done a fabulous job. So I want my boyfriend, my spouse to make decisions for me. So that Let that person decide and let that person face it. It is a kind of a way of a One aspect of, you know, element of life. There's another aspect which have gone the other way around.
(1:11:39) Who said I've had so much of domination that I don't want anybody who dominates me. >> Perfect. Yeah. >> I want somebody who can understand me, who can respect me, who can give me equal opportunity to take decisions. Whether it's my life or our life, but has to involve me into it. You learn to be good only. Emotion is something everybody wants.
(1:12:07) It's not about father not being emotionally available or mother not being. Emotion deep human being is equal to emotions. I don't care chat GPT cannot help you in a long run. It is a people connect that will make you come to a therapist or a counselor or a coach to get yourself better. Okay. So, emotion is the key.
(1:12:30) So, now when you talk about whether if the father has been a disconnect, it impacts. Undoubtedly, it impacts. But then over a period of time when they also start seeing the world, they start working, they start seeing people how they operate, how things are outside, the expectation change. Right? Till that time, it is a different ballgame.
(1:12:57) >> [sighs] >> Okay, I'm a very practical person. So, I'm going to tell you this very clearly. Okay. Um just because you're being in your first relationship doesn't mean this is going to be the only relationship. Number one. Number two, when you are in a relationship, respect the other person. You cannot make decisions for that person or dominate that person.
(1:13:30) Number three, If you're physically getting closer, understand the carefulness that you need to keep in mind before you get physical. Because for a for a man, for a guy, for a boy, physical is physical. It's very upfront on the body element. But for a girl, it's connected to emotions. So, that is something which everybody need to be careful about to ensure that that doesn't get hampered.
(1:14:06) Right? So, these are the three elements that you need to keep in mind. >> Yeah. Men are from Mars, girls are from Jupiter. Yeah, Venus and Jupiter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, emotionally men and women work differently and that Yeah. You operate differently. Um That's why there is a It's not just the physical appearance that is different.
(1:14:37) It is also the emotional aspect. It is the psychological aspect. Financial aspect also. Don't forget we get paid lesser than people [laughter] do. Okay? So, keeping that as a package in mind, we could have to just go out and that we are two different people living in the same world. Our needs, our wants might look similar, but the end result might be something very different than what you want or what I want.
(1:15:05) Right? So, we are different. We operate differently. We might pretend for some time just to make you happy. We might pretend that we are um we're doing it the way you want it. But if you leave us to who we are, we have our way of doing things. That's where is the different aspect. At least let's think I'm dating to marry. I'm not dating to data.
(1:15:38) I'm dating to marry and going to do. Okay, I'm going to use condom and uh financial what support you got to do. Finally, emotionally going to support on that on. I thought that was correct and turn. Like a boutique, we have to give importance to emotional availability and that softness more than this financial thing.
(1:16:03) >> Money is equally important for a relationship to survive. If people say love is most important and money is not then you're totally mistaken. Right? Money is a very critical element and if people say oh by second Chinese metal boutique so this is fun. You don't have to run behind money but earn your money.
(1:16:25) Ensure your financials are strong enough to sustain you and your family and your expenditures. Nowadays everything is so expensive. So if you say money is not required, I can fall in love. There was a real that I saw recently. I should share this with you guys, okay? So there's this real where this guy is cool dress, okay? So there's this guy who's jumping off the school car, you know, wall, okay? And they're helping the girl saying to the girl throws her back down first and then she also climbs up the wall and both of them
(1:16:54) are running off from the school. That's the scenario. So the moment they she jumps and he gets her down the wall and the girl starts running with the guy's hand in mine. The guy says "Ruk bag on it." Okay. We study is not required. We will earn our money. We got near we are smart enough to do so. Cut to the real shows that he's become a blacksmith.
(1:17:21) >> [laughter] >> What do I only would you say you want to put the narrow I mean put to me and this how their life is become. As funny as it can be, it's the reality. Right? I will not want to um I would like to be in a relationship with somebody who loves me and respects me. But if he's getting his financial baggage onto my life, no.
(1:17:47) >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Your baggage is yours. >> Yeah. >> Um That's your It is not my responsibility. My family, my responsibility, I take it. Your family, your responsibility, you take it. I'm not marrying you because I have to take up your burden. And you also should not marry me because you have to take up my burden.
(1:18:10) >> Mhm. >> Manda. This is where the equality in a relationship comes in. >> Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. >> Right? >> Yes. >> So, um This is one thing all of us need to have clarity in. >> Mhm. So, what's the right time for the marriage, ma'am? >> We've talked about this before. >> Mhm. >> Um in in a normal discussion, but um there is nothing called right time for marriage.
(1:18:33) How ready are How prepared are you for the marriage is a question to ask. When I say preparedness, I'm talking in terms of your physical preparedness, your mental preparedness, your emotional preparedness, your psychological preparedness, your financial preparedness. E-package ready on and then you're ready to marry.
(1:19:03) >> Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. >> Exactly. This formula used to work during those days. >> Mhm. >> And they used to also say >> Um >> Okay. And then you realize that nothing is getting settled. >> [laughter] >> More worse. >> More worse it has gotten become. So, but that worked then. That same formula cannot work for our generation now.
(1:19:27) >> Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. >> Okay? >> Can I if early as possible. >> I'm ready >> They work very hard to get me. So, quality, quantity is not what you and I should talk about. What we should talk about is will it happen naturally or will it happen through surrogacy or IVF? Everything is available, everything gets you a child.
(1:20:13) People are independent and they want to excel, right? So, Are there any reasons? The primary thing is that I don't feel very needed in the relationship. I feel that I'm not being wanted in the relationship. So, I'm feeling left out. That is one of the reasons. I also want to have a career of my own. I want to have a name,
(1:20:57) fame. If it works for me, I would like to have that as much as I respect you only to have one. I want to have one, too. Right? Where it might be where I don't want to compromise mine because you're not compromising yours. Right? So, why should I compromise mine? That could be one of the reasons. Divorce also could be the a reason could be an affair that somebody has lost affection in you or somewhere they feel that you and I don't match, but there is somebody else who can match my expectation.
(1:21:37) That could be one of the reasons. Parents being involved in the marriage is another headache. That is also one of the major reasons why divorces are happening because parents want to contribute their experience into the current uh you know, situation that the couple is going through and that involvement is killing relationship.
(1:21:57) So, maturity couple don't allow that it is my problems. We not ready. We will go ahead and solve it and live as a beautiful couple. What's the saying now what they done my help to take me experiences now that comes with his experiences. Ma'am, final question. So, >> [clears throat] >> I need therapy this is my extreme and it will tell us to Okay, the word you said already which is extreme. Okay.
(1:22:37) None of you get the uh extreme that I will again be with things are about to fall apart and I really can't hold it. I can take a I will send me to Saudi identify them. How are the red flags? Like I said, your brain is very very smart. Okay, it will actually give you indications. So, if it is giving you indications that I'm not happy, if you're if your sadness is going further longer than expected, your social circle is becoming smaller, you like to be alone, you don't want to talk to anybody, your eating habits are changing.
(1:23:09) day-to-day life will affect out to none day. It's a red flag. And the sooner you identify it, the better it is because and that I would see when you are just falling apart, you want the whole counseling to or therapy to come and collect you and get you back to its shape. Very difficult. For you and for me. Because you have a lot of easy execute me that you have a lot of a person to do execute to do that again.
(1:23:37) I can do that again. That's strength to do that again. You're already falling apart. What will you handle? So, these are some very important red flags which you will be noticing and indicating will be very visible very very visible. Now two things can happen. One maybe I can't see because I'm so emotionally involved not kind of like that.
(1:23:57) People around you should be able to see it. Friends, family, siblings, anybody. Anybody who sees you differently than what you were red flag. There is nothing called mental issues. It's called mental well-being. Okay, you're not doctor when I'm physically I want to pain in there. You don't want to any any any ailment physically I want to what do we do? We go to the doctor and you go to the right doctor.
(1:24:39) Okay, we don't go to any ENT specialist for a stomach ache. You go to the specialized specialist specialized person who knows exactly to identify symptoms do the right kind of scanning and everything and propose you with a medicine. Same thing when I am going down I'm going downhill. I realize that I need help.
(1:25:03) I can't just go to a family or a friend and talk. Because the first dialogue they will say is about me kind of life this is nothing. You're getting so you know worked up. You're overthinking just now. You find it hard to do. These dialogues are very standard ones. Right? And this is not what I'm looking at when I'm mentally wanting somebody to understand me.
(1:25:35) So this is where I need somebody who can probe me with the right questions. Show me a perspective that is different. Show me a light of hope somewhere that I can do better. This is all I'm looking at. I'm not looking at comments coming from you saying, "Hey, waste guy." So, these are not what I'm looking at right now.
(1:25:56) Because I'm already feeling waste. You're making me feel even more miserable. Right? So, important element Take away chapal ante, as much as you give importance to your physical well-being where you go to a specialist and talk. These red flags are indicative that it is for us now to move to specialist who can help me get this thing organized in my head and I can see my life in a much better shape.
(1:26:24) Does it make sense? >> Thank you so much, um one final beautiful advice for all the lovers seeing this podcast. >> Huh. Don't take your relationship for granted. >> Mhm. >> Don't take your partner for granted. >> Mhm. >> And always remember respect is the primary thing for a relationship to work, whether you're in love >> Mhm.
(1:26:53) >> or you're in marriage. >> Mhm. >> Now, respect means not just yellow and red. That is not what I am talking when I say respect, respecting my boundaries, respecting my thoughts, appreciating and knowing and being still able to respectfully object to what you're trying to say. I knew being it up there's many, many more.
(1:27:14) But, what I would want the lovers to understand is your partner is a human too with emotions and a lot of love. So, you can't dominate her. And don't let her dominate you. And say class but not the least, your brain is a decisive factor. Don't let anybody else decide for you. >> Perfect. >> If you don't feel it right, then it's not right. Right? So, this is the takeaway.
(1:27:41) >> Thank you so much, ma'am. I think we all fell in love with you. >> [laughter] >> Thank you so much. I I learn a lot of things, ma'am. Thank you so much. >> Thank you. Stay healthy, happy, blessed. Thank you. >> [music]