I Have Him... Yet I Still Feel Insecure || Acharya Prashant

I Have Him... Yet I Still Feel Insecure || Acharya Prashant

Author Name:Shakti

Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@AP_Shakti_English

Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyG5zWM54Wc



Transcript:
(00:00) In the modern relationship, we have seen we are like constantly in touch with our partner, whether it's through texting, [music] messages, or something, and calls as well. Even after we are constantly in touch, we always feel we are like kind of insecure, or we feel we are abandoned.
(00:16) So, why does this dependency increase so much? >> It's not that [music] you are crazy after the boy or the man. You are constantly carrying that one individual in your mind and on your lap. What can possibly be so special about one ordinary individual? Have you ever thought, "Why? Why there is so much stress in relationship [music] always?" >> Um I have a question related to relationships.
(00:47) So, I've kind of always struggled with relationships also, and I'm I'm sure this question is, you know, uh in the mind of a lot of people. So, in the modern relationship, we have seen we are like constantly in touch with our partner, whether it's through texting, messages, or something, and calls as well. Plus, we also get constant reassurance all the time.
(01:08) Um the problem is, um even after we are constantly in touch, we always feel we are like kind of insecure, or we feel we are abandoned. So, why does this dependency increase so much, even when we are constantly in touch? >> Because because man needs God. Because the ego can never be all right with itself. Because the ego, the sense of self, is not meant to be what it is.
(01:53) It is meant to be something higher. Something better, bigger, and something more complete. That's what we are always searching for. Completion. Completion. Right? If body and culture and conditioning tell you that biggest thing, that ultimate thing is to be found in the shape of a person.
(02:39) Why will you not worship that person? Why? And when it comes to persons this is where all the institutions unite. They unite to prove to the individual that the that the other can potentially be your god. That the other can potentially fulfill you. Look at the markets.
(03:24) Look at the markets. How they want you to hitch up. Huh? The markets don't like you alone. No. You walk into a restaurant all by yourself. You might struggle to find a table. The waiter will say, "No, no, this one has six chairs. Uh this is for the family. Even the four one, no, no, no, this is for couples." You can maybe sit on the ceiling fan.
(04:13) So, the markets are constantly impressing on you that you need to be at least double. In religion. Right? This is one thing that you necessarily need to do if you are virtuous, especially if you're a woman. And it does not stop at getting double. If you don't beget a son, your soul, your jivatma, will keep wandering desperately till infinity.
(04:59) The judiciary. You go to them, "We want to get separated." No, no, no, you take 6 months, you come back. "We want to get married." Okay, come over. >> [laughter] >> And if you get separated, there is price to pay. Not just in the form of social opprobrium, but also in the form of alimony and many other things. And you won't be called as actually married if
(05:42) if if the marriage is sexless. The marriage is supposed to be legally consummated only after you have had sex. A sexless marriage is not even considered a marriage legally. Religion, society, the auntie next door, the movies, huh? 90% of them are nothing but man chases woman. And then the two have sex after marriage.
(06:26) >> [laughter] >> All these are institutions, right? Folklore. Let's say the story starts with once upon a time there was a great king. Come on. Guess the next sentence. Come on. Come on. Come on. He had the most beautiful queen. It's not that you are crazy after the boy or the man. All these institutions have surrounded you.
(07:08) The songs. What are all these songs about? Please tell me. Every single song is about I got her. I got him. Or he left me. >> [laughter] >> That's what makes you feel all rainbowish. That's all. In fact, one's own hormones probably pay only play only a minor part in this process. It's not that you come to a certain age and it's because of your physical
(07:54) secretions that you get attracted to the other gender or somebody. No. All these institutions, they besiege you without your knowledge, without your permission. Are you getting it? And then you say I'm having relationship trouble. Now, for somebody to have some trouble, somebody must exist. We don't even exist.
(08:35) We are a mass of conditioning, like a lump of clay being shaped by unknown forces. What trouble can we have? What trouble is possible? Delhi NCR, it has become very difficult for single women to get places on rent. So, they are cooking up partners. No, that's a violent use of the phrase these days. With what we are seeing happening in the country, that's not how we must use this, right?
(09:26) So, what does the landlord want? He wants you to be in relationship. And that's why you enter the relationship. Sounds simplistic, but that's what is actually happening. Right? And you can uh think of many more such institutions. Mhm, then you'll realize where is it coming from. No species on the planet is continuously forever horny as we are.
(10:15) No species on this planet is constantly thinking of relationships. Only this one does. Why? Because other species don't have >> Conditional >> institutions to constantly impress on them that they need to get married or pregnant. So, they are better off. Mhm? Think Kabir, he put it very in his own way.
(10:59) Mhm? He says, "Uh look at the dog. It runs after the female only in the season. Only in the heat. Otherwise, the dog has nothing to do with the bitch." Mhm? Kami kutta teen rose anatar rahe udas. Udas means indifferent. For 3 days it experiences a sexual urge, otherwise nothing. But man Kaminer Kutta Sadach Ritu
(11:44) Baramasa. 12 months of the year this species of ours is holding hands. Please come, please come, please do this, please do that. And then we invent stories, folklore, idiom. God sent us down in pairs. So we keep holding hands all the time. >> [laughter] >> It is very, very unnatural [clears throat] the way we behave.
(12:31) But this unnatural behavior has been institutionalized. You're seeing it all around yourself, so you think it is normal. It is not It might be normal, but it is not natural. Two people constantly sleeping on the same bed, same room. What is going on? And if you are strictly middle class, then sharing the same commode.
(13:05) Going on. Why? But you see this happening, and therefore when you don't find it in your life, you feel something is missing. That's all. Otherwise, as a young person, there are a thousand better things to do than run after a man or a woman. What are all those great books for? What are the great movies for? And by great movies I do not mean running around the tree types.
(13:48) What are all these great places on the planet for? What are all the great causes on the planet for? All the purpose of human birth is to devote 70% of your energy on one special someone. My God. This fellow is my God or my goddess, whatever. Is uh can that possibly be the purpose of of this this this body, this human birth? Please tell me.
(14:22) Does it sound sensible? What can possibly be so special about one ordinary individual that you're constantly carrying that one individual in your mind and on your lap? Please tell me. Please. Your special someone. Is he or she really special? And if not, then what what are you doing? Where's some breathing space? But even traveling alone is taken as
(15:13) infidelity. What, you're going to Thailand all by yourself? >> [laughter] >> Yes, all by myself and to Thailand. >> [laughter] >> Happily you would be walking down the street contemplating something important, something deep, something significant, even something profound. And then that grocery shop the fellow would be playing the latest romantic hit.
(15:50) And you are finished, gone. Sayara to to badla ni hai mausam to ra >> [laughter] >> Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, gone. >> [laughter] >> You are with the idiot, you are with crime and punishment. You are thinking of the meaning of life. And the institution interrupted. That radio set that FM station is an institution and it's it's conceived to enslave you.
(16:30) And you won't even realize you have been colonized in a split second. Anna Karenina, gone. Some worthless nepo kid has suddenly without permission entered your brain. Do you see how it happens? And then you think of that, yes, your own feeling. No, that's not your own feeling. You are being made to feel that way.
(17:22) >> And the institutions purposefully put up a huge show of it. Look at the huge pandals. Look at the pre-wedding photo shoots. All happening in the open. And all the single ones looking wistfully and drooling. >> [laughter] >> And that too is an institution. Specifically manufactured, tailor-made to dominate you.
(18:13) And all of this totally excludes love. >> [snorts] >> There can be no love in something institutionalized. There can be no love in something forbidden. There can be no love in something that's become the practice. And therefore our lives, our relationships are so loveless. Next time you look at your mister
(19:00) special, ask what's special about about specimen. For that matter, what's special about this one? >> Yeah. >> I'm not asking you to be contemptuous of the other. I'm asking you to spare the other. When you take someone as your God, that's violence. Nobody can fulfill your desires. Not even God.
(19:46) How can that mere mortal play God for you? And that's why there is so much stress in relationship, always. Because you are made to pay a price without getting fulfillment of desire in exchange. The price would certainly be paid. But the returns would not be had. Therefore, there is frustration. And a lot of bickering and complaints.
(20:32) And we turn them into jokes, right? Husband-wife jokes. Ever thought why why there is so much push and pull? That's because the very foundation is loveless. It's an institutionalized foundation. But we see this. >> One clear example of institutionalization metros
(21:16) girls and boys in class 5, 6, 7 They are complaining of depression because they don't have a soulmate. My buddy has been going around with this girl and you know I have just nobody. I'm depressed mama, take me to psychiatrist. Class 5 No, that was not happening. Even till three decades back. Has biology changed? Not really.
(22:01) The institution has changed. What was What was mandated to happen in class 10 is now mandated [clears throat] to happen in class 6. So it starts happening in class 6. Tomorrow, if it is mandated to happen in class 2 it will start happening even in class 2. Your feelings are not your feelings. Your feelings are the radio's feelings.
(22:31) Your feelings are the are the screens feelings. Your feelings are uncles and aunties feelings and the priests feelings. That's where your feelings come from. So don't support your feelings too much. Examine them. Don't be swept away. The flow is not even hormonal. The flow is institutional. I know it's disappointing, but and just for a few more minutes, fine.
(23:15) >> Acharya Ji, just to add to it, I mean, it's kind of a honest reflection only. Um the first book that I read of yours was Prem Seekhna Parta Hai. So, um it was very uh I mean, it it was a very um surprising or I can say a very different situation to read the title of the book itself because we were taught we are like we know love.
(23:44) But the moment I read your book and that's when I discovered I don't know it. And I'm still discovering. I'm still learning from it. the book and from your teachings. So, thank you so much, Acharya Ji. >> Yeah, so Namaste, Acharya Ji. So, uh I have a direct follow-up like you said that it's important to examine what your your feelings are.
(24:08) So, I have tried this traveling alone and staying under that of the desert over there and I had traveled there I stayed there alone all by myself. And mostly people were there in pairs and they said like they were looking at me like who's this weirdo? Like what is he doing here alone? And at that moment superficially I could say it to them that what is there in this it's it's all fine.
(24:33) But even I was I don't know if it is conditioned or it is was from within that there should be someone to share your happiness with or something like what am I doing alone here? That is what it was there. So, is is it conditioning or like uh My question is like >> I understand there must be someone, let's say, to share happiness with.
(24:59) Right? So, my Why must that someone have a uterus? That you impose as an inviolable condition, right? Why can't that someone be an elderly man of 80? Ever thought of that? Whenever you say, "You know, but there must be someone in life to share joys and sorrows with." Why must that someone have testicles or a uterus? So, it's not about someone.
(25:36) You're using language to conceal something. Why can't that someone be a friend your own gender? Or why can't that someone be somebody faceless, anonymous? Why does that someone have to have a body available to you? Just tell me. Let's say that someone is available, even as a woman, sitting in South Africa. To you that won't suffice, right? Because just the existence of someone won't suffice. That someone must be available
(26:20) to be touched and ultimately penetrated. So, that's the intention. Why say that there is a feeling to share things with someone? Uh share your gold with someone. >> [laughter] >> Why share only those mushy feelings? You know, why not? Share half your salary with someone. That too anonymously. If sharing it is the concern.
(26:59) If the entire aim is to just share. Come on, share. Share. The real intention is is All all this is verbal romantic camouflage. Someone special, someone to share this. Other things, what else? God sent us down. Soulmate. What else?
(27:43) >> Marriage made in heaven. >> Huh? >> Marriage is made in heaven. >> Ah, made in heaven, all these things. >> Uh, I would like to add something. Like if we travel with a group of friends, let's say just male friends, then this feeling of loneliness and all, it's not there. So, is it mandatory to like have someone and they say that with male friends you can't be just >> if you need even male friends that indicates the same kind of artificial void.
(28:23) It's the same thing. In fact, most of of these youngsters, the males who travel together are traveling together as males only because they don't have females. >> [laughter] >> The day one of them happens to strike gold >> [laughter] >> it disappears. Immediately. And that makes the remaining four or five even more desperate.
(28:59) It's the same thing. It's the same thing. Being at peace with yourself is something this planet needs desperately today. I'm not asking you to avoid community. I'm not asking you to avoid companionship. But if that companionship is is coming from an unknown void, it is destructive. No friend, no boyfriend, no girlfriend can fulfill it.
(29:41) You'll keep throwing more and more into the void. And the void is bottomless. You'll say I have five male friends, five girlfriends, five cars, five jobs. Whatever five is possible. And you'll find you're still hollow within. From that hollowness, nothing is sacred. Company can be a great thing, provided you're not using the other to treat your loneliness.
(30:23) Right? When you are when you are with the other, but would be equally joyful even without the other, then being with the other has a certain cleanliness to it. A certain innocence to it. Otherwise, there is just violence. Thanks. Just download the Acharya Prashant app, and there you go to the community section.
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