Stree Dharma: Childhood, Marriage, Menstruation, Work & More
Author Name:Bhakthamrutham
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Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v05hdoTquRc
Title: Stree Dharma: Childhood, Marriage, Menstruation, Work & More
Author Name: Bhakthamrutham
Description: In this episode of Svairalapam, Paravastu Varadarajan Swami explores Stree Dharma and how a woman who wishes to follow Sanatana Dharma can approach the different stages of her life according to the shastras.
The discussion covers childhood and upbringing, education, menstrual observances, marriage and family responsibilities, women and work, and life after widowhood, offering a traditional perspective on how dharma guides a woman through the different stages of life.
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Chapters:
00:00 Introduction
02:30 What is Stree Dharma?
03:00 Why Stree Dharma?
06:40 Childhood and Upbringing
16:50 Education for Women
23:30 Menstrual Observances
30:32 Marriage and Family Responsibilities
38:14 Women and Work
44:35 Life After Widowhood
49:30 Conclusion
#StreeDharma #SanatanaDharma #Dharma #HinduDharma #Shastras #Hinduism #Svairalapam #WomenInSanatanaDharma
Transcript:
(00:00) Why is Sri Dharma? Because there is I don't see any pura dharma or anything like that. So why specifically Sria Dham Swami spoke about Purushas having uh grada dharma, brahmachari dham, sa dharma etc. So is there anything like that for a woman? I mean does she have to follow different sets of rules in different parts of phases of her life? >> A lady is given a lot of freedom till she gets married.
(00:26) >> She can eat whatever she want. She can speak whatever she want and she can roam wherever she wants. >> So Ary are saying that till a girl is married she's uh she can do anything. She need not follow any big dharma. Menstruation is such a normal natural process. >> So why is it considered to be impure? >> All these household chores etc as service to Bhagavan.
(00:46) >> Okay. >> Because finally we are all servants of Bhagavan right? >> Yes. >> So she's not serving her husband or her family. She's serving them so that she can serve Bhagavan. So her service to the family ultimately culminates as service to Bhagavan. I am eligible to attain liberation.
(01:08) The greatest uh result one can wish for and even a woman can attain the same liberation. >> Vedas are restricted only to men. It seems a bit discriminately doesn't it Swami? >> According to R Sraaya girls are not allowed to learn a Vedas. It is also said that they can listen to itas, piranhas etc. But they cannot read the main texts themselves.
(01:46) Welcome to this special episode of Swalapam. Why is this a special episode? Because this topic has been asked repeatedly by a huge part of our audience. Today we're going to talk about Sri Dharma and with us as usual is our Swami to clarify the doubts regarding the topic. Adin Ramanjasan Swami >> Adin Aden >> Swami you have previously done a video titled a day in the life of a Shivashnava where you have told what a Shivashna is supposed to do from the start of his day till the end.
(02:16) But I feel that you've primarily focused on men. So that is why today we're going to talk about Sri Dharma and I'm going to ask you some questions that the audience want to wants to know so that you can clarify uh our doubts regarding the matter and uh and also provide us clarity. >> Yeah sure. >> So first question is for me what is three dharma? >> In many videos we have discussed what dharma actually is.
(02:39) So dharma is the set of actions which leads us towards something good. Okay that is dharma. those specific duties or dharmas of women is called three dharma. >> Okay. >> So this is three dharma for you. >> Just asking Swami a doubt just arose when you was explaining what three dharma is. Why is three dharma? Because there is I don't see any pura dharma or anything like that.
(03:08) So why specifically is dharma? Actually though we may not call it purusha dharma most of the parts of shastras are regarding pura dharma. >> Okay >> that is they are intended towards purushas men. The smaller part of the shastras which deal with the duties of a woman are called dharma. It doesn't mean that there is no pura dharma.
(03:32) A lot of it is about purusha dharma. And also even among purushas men you have brahachara dharma, sasi dharma, grahasta dharma and so on. >> Okay. >> So there are specific portions of dharma shastras which speak about specific dharmas for specific groups of people. >> Okay. >> So don't think that there is no pura dharma.
(03:58) Most of the shastra deals with purusha dharma. A very small part is for stries or women. Yeah. Why is there only a small part for threes? >> See, there are many kmas that a man must perform. But coming to women, the number of kmas is limited. And so the portions of shastras which speak about this are also limited. Now you may ask uh isn't it uh >> discriminatory? >> Discriminatory. Yeah, I don't think so.
(04:29) See in the end the intention of shastras is to push us towards a path where we attain liberation. Okay. So the final result that a man or a woman or anyone else is going to achieve is liberation. So I don't think there is any discrimination in the result that we achieve. There is only slight difference is diversity among what we need to do or what we can do to attain the liberation.
(05:01) >> Okay. >> Okay. So diversity must not be confused >> with discrimination >> with discrimination. >> Okay. Swami you spoke about uh purush having uh grada dharma brahmachari dharma sa etc. So is there anything like that for a woman? I mean does she have to follow different sets of rules in different parts of phases of her life? >> Yes, I I think you know you can divide a woman's life into three phases.
(05:28) >> Okay. >> But before getting into that I would like to put out a disclaimer here. When we are talking about Sri Dharmam here what we are trying to do is we are not opposing anyone or we are trying to uh you know establish something here. We are just trying to describe what has been told in the shastras regarding Sri Dharma. Okay.
(05:49) So this video is specifically for those women who would like to follow the path of shastras. It is not for everyone. Okay, this is the disclaimer that I would like to put out. And uh let's now get into the topic. A woman's life can be divided into three parts. Pre-marriage, post marriage and uh after losing her husband.
(06:12) Okay, these are the three phases that I would like to talk about. So if you ask me is there specific dharmas even among women? Yes. Women who are not yet married have a different set of rules. Those who are married have a different set of rules and once a woman has lost her husband she has a different set of rules. So is there something similar to brahmachara dharma dharma? Yes there is.
(06:40) >> Okay swami. So what about the first phase swami? >> According to the shastras the first major samscara for a woman is vivaha that is marriage. There are other samscaras but a very major samscara is vivaha. Usually for a boy once he turns seven or eight he is given the upanayana samscara and sent to gurugulum for study.
(07:11) But for a woman the samscara which is in the place of upaya is vivaha that is marriage. >> Okay. >> According to the shastras. So when a a woman comes of age she's given in marriage and then her life completely transitions. Okay. Now we were actually speaking about the first phase. What must a girl do before marriage? The shastras say that a girl need not follow many rules before marriage.
(07:46) >> Okay. >> Even for a boy before he has gone through a samscara it is said that is he can eat what he wants, he can speak what he wants and he can roam wherever he wants. So he's given freedom >> okay >> till theam. Okay. >> Similarly, a lady is given a lot of freedom till she gets married. >> Okay. >> She can eat whatever she want.
(08:19) She can speak whatever she want and she can roam whatever wherever she wants. We are talking about about an age where children know nothing, right? So they cannot understand that there are some prohibitions, there are some rules that we must follow. So they do whatever they want and shastras don't prohibit them. >> Okay.
(08:36) >> Okay. So this is the first phase of a girl child. >> Swami just a question here. You said that anything is forgivable till the samscara or till the vivah samscara. Now but nowadays marriages are supposed to happen after 18 years of age. So it happens from 18 to 30 or even more. Uh so are you saying that till a girl is married she's uh she can do anything.
(09:01) She need not follow any big dharma. >> No no no no. See times have changed. When the shastras are speaking about the age of marriage, they are you know speaking about an age when the girl child hasn't even attained puberty. >> Okay. >> Okay. But now times have changed and uh the age of marriage has been increased.
(09:24) So it is 18 years or above. So we have to understand the intention of shastras here. >> Okay. The shastras intend to tell that till the time a girl attains maturity be it physical or mental she can do whatever she wants but once she attains that maturity where she can understand what she is supposed to do or what she's not supposed to do after that the rules do start >> okay >> so you cannot say I get married at the age of 25 so I can do whatever I want till the age of 25 no >> okay So uh once a girl child attains
(10:05) puberty or you know she's mature enough to understand things yes she must start following rules. So we cannot understand this shastra as to saying that you can do whatever you want till marriage. >> Okay. >> Okay. So it is speaking about a particular age from which a girl child must start uh following some rules.
(10:28) >> Okay. So here you're telling that we should understand or interpret the shastra in a different way here. But doesn't there doesn't this lead to a lot of controversies or misinterpretations of shastras by different people? >> No. Always shastras intention must be examined. >> Okay. >> Okay.
(10:49) These kind of instances must have arisen must have arose even during the ancient times. Okay. So shastra's intention must be examined and uh then we must come to a decision. >> So I asked uh many people regarding this and you know many vidwan scholars opinioned that this is the case. >> Okay. >> Yeah. So there will always be some controversies regarding interpretation of shastras.
(11:14) Are we following the right way of interpretation is the important thing here. >> Okay. So in the first phase swami what are the basic things that we need to follow? Yeah, see we are speaking about a girl child who is kind of like 3 years old, 4 years old or somewhere or of that age.
(11:36) Okay, let's start with what basic things we need to teach our children. I think that we underestimate children. Sometimes they start understanding things even at a very small age such as 2 years, 2 and a half years and of course we have experience regarding this. >> You know our children they understand things they understand things like HL etc.
(12:02) >> I think we must introduce some basic things basic acharas to children at a very young age. You know for example there is this thing called chel that we say in Tamil in Hindi usually they say jutah. So if you eat something and there is leftover food it is considered juta right.
(12:27) If you uh you know lick your fingers or bite your nails it is considered to be juta. So these are some things that can be taught to children at a very young age. Like even our children who are you know 3 5 years old they understand that there are particular places that must not be touched because they are jot. >> Yes. >> Right.
(12:49) So these are some concepts uh concepts such as u hl jutah and then uh the concept of cleanliness what you can touch what you must not touch. Like uh you know usually when we sleep and when we get up we are considered to be impure right we call that in Tamil okay these are concepts that can be taught to children right they understand even our children they ask are you are you mi >> yes yes >> so these are some things that can be introduced to children at a very young age not only this we need to teach our children about basics the basics of sanatana dharma.
(13:33) >> Okay. >> Like uh telling them stories of Rama, Krishna, Gajendra etc. So that they understand how our acharas, how our ancestors understood what is right, what is wrong etc. So all these things mold children into dharmic people. >> Okay. >> So these are the basic things that one should follow Swami.
(13:58) But uh I feel that uh uh before the before we tell children to follow them, the parents themselves should be following them so that the children can see their parents following something and it comes easier to them. >> They they learn from what they see than what they hear. >> Nowadays we see that you know parents are busy in their own works and they want their children to do everything.
(14:19) They want their children to attend Gita classes. They want their children to uh you know learn singing. They want the children to learn dancing. They want them to do everything but they themselves don't do most of those things. >> So that is not a right thing. When you preach what you follow, that is when you can really get results. Yeah.
(14:42) >> So you're telling that parents should also have that kind of lifestyle so that the children can learn from that. >> Sure. Yes. Yes. >> Okay. So their roots will be more strong in Sraaya. So we have seen about viruli hal juta. Uh is there anything else you would like to add swami? See these are there are some things like you know basic discipline, household chores that must be learned and then you know teaching children things like you know how you make a garland out of flowers.
(15:14) How you you know prepare rangoli that we call kam in uh tamil >> usually you know in north India it is called rangoli right? >> Yes. you know how you can do that because these are all part of service that we can provide to lord like you know making a garland out of flowers and offering that to Bhagavan uh you know practicing column uh putting a rangoli in front of Bhagavan's uh room puja room or in front of our house or if you are fortunate enough to be in a diha when bhagavan comes towards our house during brahot sams etc you can you know
(15:52) prepare a rangoli in front of your house and So know these are some things that will help the child do service to Lord in future. So these are some things that can be taught. So I was talking about basic discipline you know uh waking up early respecting elders. These are some things that must be taught from childhood.
(16:15) Uh nowadays culture has changed a lot. Children don't know how to respect elders. Like you know there's a lot of western influence that has uh come into our society. There's there are ways of showing respect to elders like when we some when we see someone we usually stand up immediately to welcome them.
(16:36) We don't greet them sitting down. So these are some ways of showing respect that must be taught. And uh previously we used to see that if some elderly person came to our house uh children were uh told to prostrate before them. These are some things that can be taught from childhood itself. >> Okay.
(16:58) Okay. Swami previously you also said that upanaya samscara happens uh starting from the age of seven or so for boys and they can start to learn shlokas dyraams learn vedas puranas etc. Is there a particular age for women to start reading that and can they read all of that? >> See uh usually the upon samscara is done for a boy starting from the age of seven but there are some special cases where the open can be done even at a younger age.
(17:33) Okay, just adding that point here. Coming to the main part now when can a girl start learning and what can she learn? See according to R Sraaya girls are not allowed to learn Vedas. Okay. And uh it is also said that they can listen toas puranas etc but they cannot read the main texts themselves. >> Okay. >> Okay.
(18:03) Reading a translation is a different thing altogether. But they cannot read the main text of itas and puranas. There are some exceptions for specific parts of idihas and puranas. Apart from that, usually they are not allowed to read them by themselves. Okay. >> So now keeping aside the vedas, itas and puranas, what else can they read? Swami, >> they can learn dybandhabasharams.
(18:26) They can learn number of stotras which have been written by various acharas. They can learn the stories of our itas, puranas etc. They can learn dharma shastra vishas what one must do what one must not do these kind of things they can learn philosophy what is my life for these are some questions that have been asked by great women such as gagi maitri etc so they have been part of debates etc where they try to understand theories philosophies one's own self brahman's swarupa etc so these are some things that a girl child
(19:05) can learn and should learn. >> Okay. Swami here I have to ask a question representing the audience. Some might have have this had this question some might not have. So just in case you said that Vedas are restricted only to men. It seems a bit discriminatory doesn't it Swami? >> See you must understand one thing here.
(19:26) People think about themselves as this body. But the shastras say that you are not this body or an atma. So I am an atma who this particular time has taken birth as a man. I must have taken birth as a woman multiple times and I would have been ineligible to learn Vedas at that point of time.
(19:52) And you must have also taken many birds as a man who is eligible to take or learn Vedas. Okay. So it is not like I have never been given a chance to learn Vedas or you have never been given a chance to learn Vedas. Yes, we must have been given all these opportunities in our previous births. Today due to some reasons we are restricted from certain activities.
(20:16) Okay, that this is the one this is one thing that everyone must understand. And the other point here is as told before we must see whether the result is inequal that is I am eligible to attain liberation the greatest uh result one can wish for and even a woman can attain the same liberation right is there any inequality in that no so even if you learn Vedas or don't learn Vedas as everyone is eligible to attain liberation.
(20:54) >> So there is no inequality in that. So is there inequality in some places? I don't I won't say it is inequality. It is differences distinctions due to some reasons but the result is same for everyone. Everyone can attain liberation. Okay. >> So I don't think this is unfair. >> Okay. >> Okay. So basically telling that each of his birth is due to karma >> and whatever he is doing or whatever he he or she is now in this body is because of his or her karma.
(21:28) >> Yes. >> So one should learn to accept that the fact that they are there is because of their karma. >> So they are to blame for what they where they are now. >> Yes. >> So you can't blame anybody else or you can't blame shastra for being like you can't say shastra is discriminatory towards women because you yourself have put yourself in that place. Yeah.
(21:47) So you know we are talking about astikas those who believe in shastras >> you know those who believe in shastras who would like to learn vedas. >> Yes. >> Right. So if you want to learn vedas understand shastras then you must follow shastras. >> You know shastras speak about karma sidhanta.
(22:02) Without karmasanta sanatana dharma is nothing. >> Okay. >> Because the one thing that uh holds all the sects of sanatana dharma is karmasiddhanta. >> Okay. The law of karma. So if you don't believe in it, sanatra dharma will you know wither away. So I think you know believing in karnasanta is very important for one to be a dharmika.
(22:25) And then this point is very important. You are not allowed to learn vedas but you are allowed to attain the same result as the one who learns vedas. Yes, >> there may be a person who just learns Vedas, not understand the intention of the Vedas and still roam in the samsara and there could be one who is not given the permission to learn Vedas but understand the truth and go to liberation.
(22:51) >> Yes. >> So I don't think there is any discrimination as such uh in this regard. >> Okay. So Shastra's rule book given by Bhagavan for us to follow dharma and for us to reach liberation. >> Yeah. So by following it we should accept all of its rules and what it says without asking too many questions. >> See we can question shastras but at some point of time we need to accept some things.
(23:12) >> Okay. >> Now shastras speak about karma. You need to accept that. >> Okay. >> You cannot change shastras as per your will. >> And I can't blame shastra too. >> Yeah. >> Because it is my fault for being born a man, woman, an animal or tree etc. because of my kmas. So I shouldn't put my karmmas on the head of shastras claiming it to be discriminatory. Yeah.
(23:32) >> So we have talked about what a girl child should do in her young age. Moving forward uh uh a girl attains her puberty. She goes through the process of menstruation. During that time there are a lot of rules that a girl child is supposed to follow. Uh it is called rajaswala dharma. Uh many of us follow it. Some people find it discriminatory.
(23:54) Some people uh don't. Many people actually don't follow it nowadays. they find it to be um they find it to be too much sometimes. So what is your take on that Swami? >> See we are speaking about people who want to follow shastras. So for them even if it is tough or not they would follow shastras. Okay.
(24:20) Now shastras do prohibit some actions during the period of menstruation. There could be many reasons to that you know uh shastras due to their compassion towards women could have you know given them a chance to take rest you know be in a secluded place at that point of time when they are physically weak emotionally also weak okay so I think there must be some valid reasons behind shastra's restrictions okay I would actually want to put the question to you >> okay >> because You are a woman.
(24:56) I would like to ask how do you find that period? >> Actually, I find it very relaxing. I'm cut off from all the household chores. So, I get the three days to myself. I take a lot of rest and I get a lot of sleep which I usually don't get in daily life because I have children, work and everything. So, I find it really relaxing the three days I have.
(25:15) So you know uh in your case you say that it is very relaxing and you know for those housewives or homemakers it is a very relaxing period of time. You know one thing that we must take care is that >> you must have a good family around you to make that period of time comfortable. Exactly. >> Okay. That is one important thing.
(25:35) We find that some people even today even in the ancient times could have mistreated people in those times. >> Yes. you know when you have a have an understanding family around you that period would be a really good period. Okay. So that is one thing that everyone everyone must take care of. So this is something which is directed towards the people who are uh around a woman. Okay.
(26:02) They must understand that at this point of time or in this period that woman needs a lot of support and you have to support that. when you have that kind of support system. Yes. Uh following these rules wouldn't be a burden at all >> and uh as you said it could even be a good thing for you. >> Yes. >> Yeah. >> So again here's Swami you said basic things that should be followed are HL juta and vumari and all.
(26:30) So does menstruation also come under it which should be followed? >> Of course. Yes. >> Okay. >> There is no compromise regarding this. >> Okay. >> See if you are an astika you believe in shastras. believe in all the shastras. >> Okay. >> You can't say that I like this part of the shastra so I'll take that and I don't like this part of the shastra so I'll uh discard that.
(26:50) >> That is not possible. You have to accept everything. >> Okay. Not dwelling on this too much Swami but I have a small doubt here. Menstruation is such a normal natural process. >> So why is it considered to be impure? >> See there is a difference between what is natural and what is impure. Okay. Okay, >> maybe you know we can there are many secretions or excretor that comes out of our body. Okay.
(27:18) >> Okay. [sighs] >> It's all natural, right? >> Yes. >> But does that make it pure? >> No. >> No. So it's not about being impure or not. >> Okay. >> Usually shastras also tell us to take a bath after uh you know passing our stools. >> Okay. Yes. Yes. >> Yeah. And then even after some other excretions also you are required to take a bath.
(27:43) >> Okay. >> So a man if he has passed his tools needs to take baths to become pure. >> Okay. >> Okay. So there are specific rules even if you you know uh clean your nose or uh uh your ears there are specific things that you must do after that like doing acham etc to make yourself pure. >> Okay. >> So similarly after this secretion of uh you know uh blood from a woman there is some rituals that she has to go through to make herself pure.
(28:21) >> Okay. But the problem regarding ministration is that it is not a one-time issue. It is a continuous process. Right? So they are given a particular set of days so that that passes and then they are eligible to do particular kmas. So I don't want to look at this as pure or impure but rather when some things happen we become ineligible to do specific actions.
(28:52) You know uh when uh when we receive the news of someone's death then sometimes we are uh required to [sighs] follow a period of days when we are ineligible to do most of the actions >> you know which we call ashoam. >> Yes. >> Okay. >> So that is a natural process. Death is also a natural process.
(29:16) Birth is also a natural process. But even during those times we are considered to be ineligible for certain actions and we do follow that. So those who follow shastras need to understand that they have become ineligible during that phase of uh life for performing specific activities. >> Okay.
(29:40) You know even during that period a woman can think about Bhagavan, recite his names, you know uh dwell over his past times. She can do all these things. Okay. There are some activities that are not allowed. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> So it is not about being pure or impure. It is just that it is a natural process and so is so are there are many other natural process that happen.
(30:01) >> Yeah. See maybe you can consider that to be impure. >> Okay. But again don't add don't attach negativity to that. >> Okay. >> Okay. Since it makes someone in ineligible you can consider that to be impure. That is your wish. But don't attach negativity to that. That is my point here. Yeah. >> Okay.
(30:23) Um so let's move on to the next phase swami. We can probably make a video regarding rajaswala dharma the specifics of it in a different video of swami. So moving on to the next phase where a woman is married. M yeah a very important phase of life for a woman you know it goes both ways a very important decision even for a man but again the whole world of a woman changes when she gets married because you know she leaves her family and comes to a new place >> where there are new people new rules new responsibilities so it is very important for a woman so
(31:01) the person whom you marry would most probably decide how your life looks afterwards, right? >> Of course, for me, yes, it's a very big decision and it is mostly hard on the woman because she's supposed to leave everything that she's knew that she knew for almost like 20 years. Just take like 20 years and she has to leave all of that and go to some other place where she's supposed to be good to everybody.
(31:25) She's supposed to know what their likes and dislikes. She's supposed to gel with them and bring that family closer. And uh there's a lot of lot of responsibilities too and she has to learn all the things that that household has in tradition etc. So it's a very big decision of course and here you had said that um the man she chooses decides what her life will look afterwards.
(31:47) So what type of man should she choose for? >> Um I think there are two things that uh one must look out for. One is the loika aspect and the other one is vika aspect. What I mean by loic aspect is that would he really take care of me or if the parents are thinking about this would he really take care of my daughter that is one thing people look out for wealth uh looks height where they live etc.
(32:23) But the real thing that one must look out for is qualities, right? Are they good people? Are they uh people who accept others as they are? And these are some things that one must look out for. Don't give too much importance for money etc. That is one thing. And coming to the second aspect, spiritual aspect, we are talking about women who are really inclined towards srada.
(32:53) Right? So for those people they must look out for men who are ready to give them space to grow in spirituality. Okay. [snorts] And uh so does he have interest in spirituality? Does he do samanadam? Does he do thirvaraam? Does he know any pasturams? Does he you know listen to some good things like kalak shapamas etc? These are things that one must look out for.
(33:21) You know there is an example that our uh woman can take among the arvars. There is this arvar called tirum arvar. You know he was in his own world. He was doing his own things and he fell in love with Kumudali. He came to her uh house and asked her father to give her in marriage to him. [snorts] But uh at that point of time Kumudali comes there and she says that she has some conditions.
(33:57) Maybe she was one among the first woman who placed conditions before uh the man who she the man who wanted to marry her. She asks yarn to get punchesamscaras done and also tells him to do tadya for shrias on a daily basis. So she had placed conditions before. >> Okay. >> So for a woman to grow spiritually she can also place some conditions in front of her to be husband. Okay.
(34:36) >> Okay. So, it is very important to choose the right person to have a peaceful life and a life in which we can grow spiritually. So, what do you think about this? Of course for me I do feel a man should be supportive towards his wife uh and should encourage her to grow more and more in sraaya and encourage her to follow dharma and I think that will also teach their children to follow dharma because their they see their parents >> [snorts] >> uh following dharma in their own way.
(35:05) Of course I too feel the same way for me. >> Yeah. So that is marriage. Okay. Um >> and like you said uh uh people shouldn't look out for money importantly. They should be good human beings. That is where you can form a very good support system around you and they can help you in when you are in need of help. >> Yeah.
(35:24) >> So that way your life becomes really good. >> Yeah. >> So now what are the dharmas that should be followed by women after marriage swami? >> Yeah. See our shastras are uh specific regarding what she must do. You know the main thing that a woman must do is to take care of her family. that is taking care of her husband, her children, her in-laws.
(35:52) Uh if it is so for other relatives also. So these are the main things you will find many parts of Shastra speaking about Patiusha serving her husband. Okay. So this is how most of her time must be spent. Okay. uh when we speak about serving them, it consists of you know cooking, cleaning etc etc and all.
(36:22) Okay Swami, so what you have told is that a woman's uh work or chore revolves around her husband, household and family. Show she's bound to her household. Uh and uh in reality Swami these things are looked down upon. A woman's work, a woman's household chores or responsibilities are really looked down upon when you compare it with a man's work.
(36:46) So why should she continue doing something that is inferior? See, I don't think anything done by a woman, such as household chores, etc. is inferior to what a man does. This fascinates me. The thing that I'm going to say now, now we live in a capitalistic economy where people give too much importance to money. [snorts] Since the household chores of a woman don't earn money, people think that it is inferior.
(37:20) But in reality, it is not inferior because money doesn't have any inherent value. Money is valuable because it can buy us some goods or services. >> Okay. >> Okay. I get those goods and services from you without me needing to pay. That is what you provide me. Okay? So it has value. Money itself gains value by providing goods and services.
(37:53) So your works always have a value. So people must understand that the activities done by a woman sustains the family. Okay? So if someone thinks that it is in any way inferior, they do not have clarity regarding this. >> Okay. This is one point that I would like to make. >> So what do you say Swami? Can a woman go to work or not? >> Unless the situation demands that I would prefer a woman not to go to work.
(38:20) >> So you said unless the situation demands a woman doesn't need to go to work. But what if the woman uh has to go to work to sustain her family? What if her husband is incapable of earning the amount of money that is needed for a family to run properly? [snorts] Uh there are many cases where women have to work swami.
(38:39) So what is your uh uh say about it? >> When you speak about women having to go to work, what is the real have there or what is the real requirement there? Sometimes we see that uh people talk about you know having a very lavish lifestyle and to sustain that lifestyle they want to go to work. >> Yes. Because we are talking about shastras, we always prescribe a simple lifestyle.
(39:00) >> A minimalistic one. >> A minimalistic one. A simple lifestyle. So when you have a very simple lifestyle, you won't be needing that much money. Okay? That is the first point that everyone needs to understand. >> Okay? >> And then there may be situations where she's forced to work. That is they cannot sustain their simple lifestyle also.
(39:19) >> Okay? >> That's when a woman is forced to go to work. And I wouldn't say that going for work is wrong in that situation. Okay. >> So, uh do you mean to say that a woman needs to be equipped to go to work but does not need to go to work unless unless it is absolutely necessary? >> Yeah, exactly.
(39:39) I was going to tell the exact thing. She has to equip herself with the right kind of skill set, education etc. But necessarily need not go to work from the beginning itself. >> Okay. >> Yeah. But many people feel that uh uh it becomes too long between a woman developing her skill set and actually going to work.
(40:02) So we uh you said that a woman uh need not go to work unless it is absolutely necessary. But what if it is necessary in a circumstance and she has not worked for past 10 years. She is of course she has a skill set but she has no years of experience with her and by the 10 years she could have even lost that skill set.
(40:20) So won't she be incapable again to work swami? >> Yes, a very good question. Actually many people ask this. I think there are two things that we must uh look into. First thing, today we live in a world where you can do many things to earn money. There are things such as cooking which earn you money, right? You have anyone can you know advertise themselves on social media nowadays.
(40:49) You know there are small things, small skills that you can uh use to earn money nowadays like you know there are people who just sell pickles. >> Yes sir. >> Sell other products and you know make money out of it. So there are a wide range of uh activities that you can do to earn money. So that is one thing. So even if you lose your skill set [sighs] most probably you can find a job.
(41:15) If you don't find a job, you have many other options. You have to be equipped for that. That is one thing. And the second thing which is very important is that we are talking about a circumstance which is a very rare circumstance. At that point of time as a society, we need to provide a support system for such kind of women.
(41:37) >> Okay. >> Be it a woman or a man. >> Okay. If at a point of time they have you know gone through a disaster where they have lost someone or lost their job or something like that we as a society as a family we have to make sure that they are supported >> okay >> you know so it is not always the individual's responsibility but the society has to step in the family has to step in like you know there could be a sister who is going through a tough phase the brothers could help they must not think oh she's not she's married
(42:10) she's not uh our responsibility anymore. You know, during dire circumstances, the society, the family, the [clears throat] state, they must act, you know. So, we must also look into building those kind of support systems which help us in direct uh dire circumstances. Just think about this.
(42:30) You know, a husband loses his wife, suddenly he has to take care of his children, do other things. He he will have no idea about what to do. You know that's when the parents or you know his in-laws or someone has to take care right >> someone has to step in. So we must also build support system we must also nurture a mindset so that the people are always ready to help.
(42:54) >> Okay. >> So two things be ready to experiment when money is really needed. Second thing as a society we must think about building support systems. Yes. So when we are talking about skill sets Swami I actually forgot to ask you this question before earlier you had said that in the face first phase of her life where the girl is yet to be married at that point she has to learn shastras and shlokas dyandams etc.
(43:23) Uh what about what should she learn according to Loki? >> See basic education is necessary for everyone and along with it uh you know when you speak about degrees or etc. I personally feel that a person may have you know a degree or she may even have a skill like you know painting or cooking or something you know that which is capable of sustaining them in future you know that is important.
(43:55) When we speak about education we are always thinking about you know some degrees. >> Okay. Now more than that there are uh possible uh skills or talents that can be nurtured which can earn money. >> Yes. >> Okay. So basic education after that you know having some skill. Yeah. >> Okay. Okay Swami. So there are actually lots of questions that I want to ask you now and of course I'm I know the audience also wants to ask you a lot of questions but I think that will be a very big video if we're going to talk about it now. So we'll reserve that for
(44:25) the next video where we talk about uh each and every specific dharma a woman has to follow. Yeah. >> So let's move on to the next phase for me. >> This is a phase where a woman has unfortunately lost her husband. So of course there are duties like she can take part in some of the household chores.
(44:44) She should do her household chores and some basics that we discussed previously. What other things are there to be followed? See usually uh you know there are many kinds of dharmas that are specific for uh those women. They are usually called as vidhavas or vitantos in shastras in samskrit basically. And you know I actually forgot to mention one thing you know even from the childhood ladies must wear their tilakam.
(45:13) >> Okay. >> Right. So the telakam must be worn as follow as follows like you know ardhaandra k the white part must be and then they must have a shria actually there is a difference in the three phases. >> Okay >> you may be astonished but for a woman who hasn't gone through marriage she must wear a shriam which is like a pumpkin seed.
(45:44) Oh, >> not the long one. >> Okay. >> Okay. And then you have this you know deep [sighs and gasps] uh that is for married women. And then for vidhavas it is like they must have a very small shriam. >> Okay. >> These are some things that differ and usually uh those women do not wear ornaments and there are there are some other dharmas that are specific for uh vidhavas.
(46:13) Maybe we can you know speak about them in a different video. Yeah. >> But can they are they eligible to read uh uh or learn shlokas everything? >> Everyone has the eligibility to learn whatever we have spoken about. >> So they can follow all the basic dharmas. They can learn shastras, they can learn the prabadam, shlokas etc. They can dwell on pyram.
(46:34) They can >> of course they can dwell on. So actually we forgot to mention that but as we spoke about uh in the first phase even in the second phase the woman not only must take care of her household chores but also take care of her spiritual development. Okay. She has to learn uh dipham etc. She can listen to kalak shipamyas etc.
(47:00) She must do all all those things. She must do uh all these household chores etc as service to bhagavan. >> Okay. Because finally we are all servants of Bhagavan. Right? >> Yes. >> So she's not serving her husband or her family. She's serving them so that she can serve Bhagavan. So her service to the family ultimately culminates as service to Bhagavan.
(47:23) That is the mindset with which she must do. >> Okay. >> And of course even a man must do that. I have spoken about this in the video regarding a day in the life of Shivashnava. Okay. So that is one thing that everyone must remember. So finally it is not our husband, it is not our children but it is our bhagavan.
(47:44) It is bhagavan for whom we live our life. >> Okay [snorts] >> that is common for everyone man woman everyone also when we speak about elderly women we must see that they are uh repositories of wisdom. Yes. >> Okay. They also have a important duty of guiding the next generation. Okay, that is one thing they must take care of. That starts from the marriage phase itself.
(48:09) A woman has a great responsibility of raising her raising her children, right? So, so she is the one who actually shapes the future of our society, of our community, of our nation. So that is the greatest gift bestowed upon by Bhagavan on women. >> Okay. So as you said women uh elderly women they have lot of knowledge and they have come through all the phases that we talked about in life.
(48:38) So they are like repositories of knowledge. >> Actually in I think apastra uh apostasa says if you have some doubt regarding dharma you must go and ask a elderly woman. Okay. >> Because she'll be knowing everything. >> Yes. >> Not an elderly man but an elderly woman because they are the ones who really >> you know uh take interest in spirituality, take interest in dharma and remember those things.
(49:05) >> Even now we'll find that if there is an opasam 80% of the people attending are women. >> Women. [snorts] >> Yeah. So women are the ones who uh take this community, take this religion, take this sadra forward. And so there is a lot of responsibility on their shoulders. They have to act accordingly. >> So you can also say that their main dharma is to guide the next generation towards sraaya.
(49:30) >> Yeah. The elderly woman. Surely. Yeah. >> Okay. >> I'm sure people might have doubt even in this phase of life. So I think that will be for the next video and mainly Swami we have talked about what each phase is about but we have just not talked about what a woman should do in our daily life. >> Yeah. >> Uh so I think we should make a video about that next time.
(49:50) A day in the life of a Shivashnava woman. >> Yes. Yeah. Of course. Yes. Something like that. Thank you for uh clarifying a lot of our doubts here Swami. I'm sure our audience will have a lot of doubts here and I think we'll receive a lot of comments regarding that and we'll do a video regarding this next time. >> Sure. >> Very nice to have you for me.
(50:06) Adian Ramanas. And I want to listen.
Author Name:Bhakthamrutham
Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@Bhakthamrutham
Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v05hdoTquRc
Title: Stree Dharma: Childhood, Marriage, Menstruation, Work & More
Author Name: Bhakthamrutham
Description: In this episode of Svairalapam, Paravastu Varadarajan Swami explores Stree Dharma and how a woman who wishes to follow Sanatana Dharma can approach the different stages of her life according to the shastras.
The discussion covers childhood and upbringing, education, menstrual observances, marriage and family responsibilities, women and work, and life after widowhood, offering a traditional perspective on how dharma guides a woman through the different stages of life.
To contribute - UPI ID- writetosrinidhi-2@okaxis.
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Chapters:
00:00 Introduction
02:30 What is Stree Dharma?
03:00 Why Stree Dharma?
06:40 Childhood and Upbringing
16:50 Education for Women
23:30 Menstrual Observances
30:32 Marriage and Family Responsibilities
38:14 Women and Work
44:35 Life After Widowhood
49:30 Conclusion
#StreeDharma #SanatanaDharma #Dharma #HinduDharma #Shastras #Hinduism #Svairalapam #WomenInSanatanaDharma
Transcript:
(00:00) Why is Sri Dharma? Because there is I don't see any pura dharma or anything like that. So why specifically Sria Dham Swami spoke about Purushas having uh grada dharma, brahmachari dham, sa dharma etc. So is there anything like that for a woman? I mean does she have to follow different sets of rules in different parts of phases of her life? >> A lady is given a lot of freedom till she gets married.
(00:26) >> She can eat whatever she want. She can speak whatever she want and she can roam wherever she wants. >> So Ary are saying that till a girl is married she's uh she can do anything. She need not follow any big dharma. Menstruation is such a normal natural process. >> So why is it considered to be impure? >> All these household chores etc as service to Bhagavan.
(00:46) >> Okay. >> Because finally we are all servants of Bhagavan right? >> Yes. >> So she's not serving her husband or her family. She's serving them so that she can serve Bhagavan. So her service to the family ultimately culminates as service to Bhagavan. I am eligible to attain liberation.
(01:08) The greatest uh result one can wish for and even a woman can attain the same liberation. >> Vedas are restricted only to men. It seems a bit discriminately doesn't it Swami? >> According to R Sraaya girls are not allowed to learn a Vedas. It is also said that they can listen to itas, piranhas etc. But they cannot read the main texts themselves.
(01:46) Welcome to this special episode of Swalapam. Why is this a special episode? Because this topic has been asked repeatedly by a huge part of our audience. Today we're going to talk about Sri Dharma and with us as usual is our Swami to clarify the doubts regarding the topic. Adin Ramanjasan Swami >> Adin Aden >> Swami you have previously done a video titled a day in the life of a Shivashnava where you have told what a Shivashna is supposed to do from the start of his day till the end.
(02:16) But I feel that you've primarily focused on men. So that is why today we're going to talk about Sri Dharma and I'm going to ask you some questions that the audience want to wants to know so that you can clarify uh our doubts regarding the matter and uh and also provide us clarity. >> Yeah sure. >> So first question is for me what is three dharma? >> In many videos we have discussed what dharma actually is.
(02:39) So dharma is the set of actions which leads us towards something good. Okay that is dharma. those specific duties or dharmas of women is called three dharma. >> Okay. >> So this is three dharma for you. >> Just asking Swami a doubt just arose when you was explaining what three dharma is. Why is three dharma? Because there is I don't see any pura dharma or anything like that.
(03:08) So why specifically is dharma? Actually though we may not call it purusha dharma most of the parts of shastras are regarding pura dharma. >> Okay >> that is they are intended towards purushas men. The smaller part of the shastras which deal with the duties of a woman are called dharma. It doesn't mean that there is no pura dharma.
(03:32) A lot of it is about purusha dharma. And also even among purushas men you have brahachara dharma, sasi dharma, grahasta dharma and so on. >> Okay. >> So there are specific portions of dharma shastras which speak about specific dharmas for specific groups of people. >> Okay. >> So don't think that there is no pura dharma.
(03:58) Most of the shastra deals with purusha dharma. A very small part is for stries or women. Yeah. Why is there only a small part for threes? >> See, there are many kmas that a man must perform. But coming to women, the number of kmas is limited. And so the portions of shastras which speak about this are also limited. Now you may ask uh isn't it uh >> discriminatory? >> Discriminatory. Yeah, I don't think so.
(04:29) See in the end the intention of shastras is to push us towards a path where we attain liberation. Okay. So the final result that a man or a woman or anyone else is going to achieve is liberation. So I don't think there is any discrimination in the result that we achieve. There is only slight difference is diversity among what we need to do or what we can do to attain the liberation.
(05:01) >> Okay. >> Okay. So diversity must not be confused >> with discrimination >> with discrimination. >> Okay. Swami you spoke about uh purush having uh grada dharma brahmachari dharma sa etc. So is there anything like that for a woman? I mean does she have to follow different sets of rules in different parts of phases of her life? >> Yes, I I think you know you can divide a woman's life into three phases.
(05:28) >> Okay. >> But before getting into that I would like to put out a disclaimer here. When we are talking about Sri Dharmam here what we are trying to do is we are not opposing anyone or we are trying to uh you know establish something here. We are just trying to describe what has been told in the shastras regarding Sri Dharma. Okay.
(05:49) So this video is specifically for those women who would like to follow the path of shastras. It is not for everyone. Okay, this is the disclaimer that I would like to put out. And uh let's now get into the topic. A woman's life can be divided into three parts. Pre-marriage, post marriage and uh after losing her husband.
(06:12) Okay, these are the three phases that I would like to talk about. So if you ask me is there specific dharmas even among women? Yes. Women who are not yet married have a different set of rules. Those who are married have a different set of rules and once a woman has lost her husband she has a different set of rules. So is there something similar to brahmachara dharma dharma? Yes there is.
(06:40) >> Okay swami. So what about the first phase swami? >> According to the shastras the first major samscara for a woman is vivaha that is marriage. There are other samscaras but a very major samscara is vivaha. Usually for a boy once he turns seven or eight he is given the upanayana samscara and sent to gurugulum for study.
(07:11) But for a woman the samscara which is in the place of upaya is vivaha that is marriage. >> Okay. >> According to the shastras. So when a a woman comes of age she's given in marriage and then her life completely transitions. Okay. Now we were actually speaking about the first phase. What must a girl do before marriage? The shastras say that a girl need not follow many rules before marriage.
(07:46) >> Okay. >> Even for a boy before he has gone through a samscara it is said that is he can eat what he wants, he can speak what he wants and he can roam wherever he wants. So he's given freedom >> okay >> till theam. Okay. >> Similarly, a lady is given a lot of freedom till she gets married. >> Okay. >> She can eat whatever she want.
(08:19) She can speak whatever she want and she can roam whatever wherever she wants. We are talking about about an age where children know nothing, right? So they cannot understand that there are some prohibitions, there are some rules that we must follow. So they do whatever they want and shastras don't prohibit them. >> Okay.
(08:36) >> Okay. So this is the first phase of a girl child. >> Swami just a question here. You said that anything is forgivable till the samscara or till the vivah samscara. Now but nowadays marriages are supposed to happen after 18 years of age. So it happens from 18 to 30 or even more. Uh so are you saying that till a girl is married she's uh she can do anything.
(09:01) She need not follow any big dharma. >> No no no no. See times have changed. When the shastras are speaking about the age of marriage, they are you know speaking about an age when the girl child hasn't even attained puberty. >> Okay. >> Okay. But now times have changed and uh the age of marriage has been increased.
(09:24) So it is 18 years or above. So we have to understand the intention of shastras here. >> Okay. The shastras intend to tell that till the time a girl attains maturity be it physical or mental she can do whatever she wants but once she attains that maturity where she can understand what she is supposed to do or what she's not supposed to do after that the rules do start >> okay >> so you cannot say I get married at the age of 25 so I can do whatever I want till the age of 25 no >> okay So uh once a girl child attains
(10:05) puberty or you know she's mature enough to understand things yes she must start following rules. So we cannot understand this shastra as to saying that you can do whatever you want till marriage. >> Okay. >> Okay. So it is speaking about a particular age from which a girl child must start uh following some rules.
(10:28) >> Okay. So here you're telling that we should understand or interpret the shastra in a different way here. But doesn't there doesn't this lead to a lot of controversies or misinterpretations of shastras by different people? >> No. Always shastras intention must be examined. >> Okay. >> Okay.
(10:49) These kind of instances must have arisen must have arose even during the ancient times. Okay. So shastra's intention must be examined and uh then we must come to a decision. >> So I asked uh many people regarding this and you know many vidwan scholars opinioned that this is the case. >> Okay. >> Yeah. So there will always be some controversies regarding interpretation of shastras.
(11:14) Are we following the right way of interpretation is the important thing here. >> Okay. So in the first phase swami what are the basic things that we need to follow? Yeah, see we are speaking about a girl child who is kind of like 3 years old, 4 years old or somewhere or of that age.
(11:36) Okay, let's start with what basic things we need to teach our children. I think that we underestimate children. Sometimes they start understanding things even at a very small age such as 2 years, 2 and a half years and of course we have experience regarding this. >> You know our children they understand things they understand things like HL etc.
(12:02) >> I think we must introduce some basic things basic acharas to children at a very young age. You know for example there is this thing called chel that we say in Tamil in Hindi usually they say jutah. So if you eat something and there is leftover food it is considered juta right.
(12:27) If you uh you know lick your fingers or bite your nails it is considered to be juta. So these are some things that can be taught to children at a very young age. Like even our children who are you know 3 5 years old they understand that there are particular places that must not be touched because they are jot. >> Yes. >> Right.
(12:49) So these are some concepts uh concepts such as u hl jutah and then uh the concept of cleanliness what you can touch what you must not touch. Like uh you know usually when we sleep and when we get up we are considered to be impure right we call that in Tamil okay these are concepts that can be taught to children right they understand even our children they ask are you are you mi >> yes yes >> so these are some things that can be introduced to children at a very young age not only this we need to teach our children about basics the basics of sanatana dharma.
(13:33) >> Okay. >> Like uh telling them stories of Rama, Krishna, Gajendra etc. So that they understand how our acharas, how our ancestors understood what is right, what is wrong etc. So all these things mold children into dharmic people. >> Okay. >> So these are the basic things that one should follow Swami.
(13:58) But uh I feel that uh uh before the before we tell children to follow them, the parents themselves should be following them so that the children can see their parents following something and it comes easier to them. >> They they learn from what they see than what they hear. >> Nowadays we see that you know parents are busy in their own works and they want their children to do everything.
(14:19) They want their children to attend Gita classes. They want their children to uh you know learn singing. They want the children to learn dancing. They want them to do everything but they themselves don't do most of those things. >> So that is not a right thing. When you preach what you follow, that is when you can really get results. Yeah.
(14:42) >> So you're telling that parents should also have that kind of lifestyle so that the children can learn from that. >> Sure. Yes. Yes. >> Okay. So their roots will be more strong in Sraaya. So we have seen about viruli hal juta. Uh is there anything else you would like to add swami? See these are there are some things like you know basic discipline, household chores that must be learned and then you know teaching children things like you know how you make a garland out of flowers.
(15:14) How you you know prepare rangoli that we call kam in uh tamil >> usually you know in north India it is called rangoli right? >> Yes. you know how you can do that because these are all part of service that we can provide to lord like you know making a garland out of flowers and offering that to Bhagavan uh you know practicing column uh putting a rangoli in front of Bhagavan's uh room puja room or in front of our house or if you are fortunate enough to be in a diha when bhagavan comes towards our house during brahot sams etc you can you know
(15:52) prepare a rangoli in front of your house and So know these are some things that will help the child do service to Lord in future. So these are some things that can be taught. So I was talking about basic discipline you know uh waking up early respecting elders. These are some things that must be taught from childhood.
(16:15) Uh nowadays culture has changed a lot. Children don't know how to respect elders. Like you know there's a lot of western influence that has uh come into our society. There's there are ways of showing respect to elders like when we some when we see someone we usually stand up immediately to welcome them.
(16:36) We don't greet them sitting down. So these are some ways of showing respect that must be taught. And uh previously we used to see that if some elderly person came to our house uh children were uh told to prostrate before them. These are some things that can be taught from childhood itself. >> Okay.
(16:58) Okay. Swami previously you also said that upanaya samscara happens uh starting from the age of seven or so for boys and they can start to learn shlokas dyraams learn vedas puranas etc. Is there a particular age for women to start reading that and can they read all of that? >> See uh usually the upon samscara is done for a boy starting from the age of seven but there are some special cases where the open can be done even at a younger age.
(17:33) Okay, just adding that point here. Coming to the main part now when can a girl start learning and what can she learn? See according to R Sraaya girls are not allowed to learn Vedas. Okay. And uh it is also said that they can listen toas puranas etc but they cannot read the main texts themselves. >> Okay. >> Okay.
(18:03) Reading a translation is a different thing altogether. But they cannot read the main text of itas and puranas. There are some exceptions for specific parts of idihas and puranas. Apart from that, usually they are not allowed to read them by themselves. Okay. >> So now keeping aside the vedas, itas and puranas, what else can they read? Swami, >> they can learn dybandhabasharams.
(18:26) They can learn number of stotras which have been written by various acharas. They can learn the stories of our itas, puranas etc. They can learn dharma shastra vishas what one must do what one must not do these kind of things they can learn philosophy what is my life for these are some questions that have been asked by great women such as gagi maitri etc so they have been part of debates etc where they try to understand theories philosophies one's own self brahman's swarupa etc so these are some things that a girl child
(19:05) can learn and should learn. >> Okay. Swami here I have to ask a question representing the audience. Some might have have this had this question some might not have. So just in case you said that Vedas are restricted only to men. It seems a bit discriminatory doesn't it Swami? >> See you must understand one thing here.
(19:26) People think about themselves as this body. But the shastras say that you are not this body or an atma. So I am an atma who this particular time has taken birth as a man. I must have taken birth as a woman multiple times and I would have been ineligible to learn Vedas at that point of time.
(19:52) And you must have also taken many birds as a man who is eligible to take or learn Vedas. Okay. So it is not like I have never been given a chance to learn Vedas or you have never been given a chance to learn Vedas. Yes, we must have been given all these opportunities in our previous births. Today due to some reasons we are restricted from certain activities.
(20:16) Okay, that this is the one this is one thing that everyone must understand. And the other point here is as told before we must see whether the result is inequal that is I am eligible to attain liberation the greatest uh result one can wish for and even a woman can attain the same liberation right is there any inequality in that no so even if you learn Vedas or don't learn Vedas as everyone is eligible to attain liberation.
(20:54) >> So there is no inequality in that. So is there inequality in some places? I don't I won't say it is inequality. It is differences distinctions due to some reasons but the result is same for everyone. Everyone can attain liberation. Okay. >> So I don't think this is unfair. >> Okay. >> Okay. So basically telling that each of his birth is due to karma >> and whatever he is doing or whatever he he or she is now in this body is because of his or her karma.
(21:28) >> Yes. >> So one should learn to accept that the fact that they are there is because of their karma. >> So they are to blame for what they where they are now. >> Yes. >> So you can't blame anybody else or you can't blame shastra for being like you can't say shastra is discriminatory towards women because you yourself have put yourself in that place. Yeah.
(21:47) So you know we are talking about astikas those who believe in shastras >> you know those who believe in shastras who would like to learn vedas. >> Yes. >> Right. So if you want to learn vedas understand shastras then you must follow shastras. >> You know shastras speak about karma sidhanta.
(22:02) Without karmasanta sanatana dharma is nothing. >> Okay. >> Because the one thing that uh holds all the sects of sanatana dharma is karmasiddhanta. >> Okay. The law of karma. So if you don't believe in it, sanatra dharma will you know wither away. So I think you know believing in karnasanta is very important for one to be a dharmika.
(22:25) And then this point is very important. You are not allowed to learn vedas but you are allowed to attain the same result as the one who learns vedas. Yes, >> there may be a person who just learns Vedas, not understand the intention of the Vedas and still roam in the samsara and there could be one who is not given the permission to learn Vedas but understand the truth and go to liberation.
(22:51) >> Yes. >> So I don't think there is any discrimination as such uh in this regard. >> Okay. So Shastra's rule book given by Bhagavan for us to follow dharma and for us to reach liberation. >> Yeah. So by following it we should accept all of its rules and what it says without asking too many questions. >> See we can question shastras but at some point of time we need to accept some things.
(23:12) >> Okay. >> Now shastras speak about karma. You need to accept that. >> Okay. >> You cannot change shastras as per your will. >> And I can't blame shastra too. >> Yeah. >> Because it is my fault for being born a man, woman, an animal or tree etc. because of my kmas. So I shouldn't put my karmmas on the head of shastras claiming it to be discriminatory. Yeah.
(23:32) >> So we have talked about what a girl child should do in her young age. Moving forward uh uh a girl attains her puberty. She goes through the process of menstruation. During that time there are a lot of rules that a girl child is supposed to follow. Uh it is called rajaswala dharma. Uh many of us follow it. Some people find it discriminatory.
(23:54) Some people uh don't. Many people actually don't follow it nowadays. they find it to be um they find it to be too much sometimes. So what is your take on that Swami? >> See we are speaking about people who want to follow shastras. So for them even if it is tough or not they would follow shastras. Okay.
(24:20) Now shastras do prohibit some actions during the period of menstruation. There could be many reasons to that you know uh shastras due to their compassion towards women could have you know given them a chance to take rest you know be in a secluded place at that point of time when they are physically weak emotionally also weak okay so I think there must be some valid reasons behind shastra's restrictions okay I would actually want to put the question to you >> okay >> because You are a woman.
(24:56) I would like to ask how do you find that period? >> Actually, I find it very relaxing. I'm cut off from all the household chores. So, I get the three days to myself. I take a lot of rest and I get a lot of sleep which I usually don't get in daily life because I have children, work and everything. So, I find it really relaxing the three days I have.
(25:15) So you know uh in your case you say that it is very relaxing and you know for those housewives or homemakers it is a very relaxing period of time. You know one thing that we must take care is that >> you must have a good family around you to make that period of time comfortable. Exactly. >> Okay. That is one important thing.
(25:35) We find that some people even today even in the ancient times could have mistreated people in those times. >> Yes. you know when you have a have an understanding family around you that period would be a really good period. Okay. So that is one thing that everyone everyone must take care of. So this is something which is directed towards the people who are uh around a woman. Okay.
(26:02) They must understand that at this point of time or in this period that woman needs a lot of support and you have to support that. when you have that kind of support system. Yes. Uh following these rules wouldn't be a burden at all >> and uh as you said it could even be a good thing for you. >> Yes. >> Yeah. >> So again here's Swami you said basic things that should be followed are HL juta and vumari and all.
(26:30) So does menstruation also come under it which should be followed? >> Of course. Yes. >> Okay. >> There is no compromise regarding this. >> Okay. >> See if you are an astika you believe in shastras. believe in all the shastras. >> Okay. >> You can't say that I like this part of the shastra so I'll take that and I don't like this part of the shastra so I'll uh discard that.
(26:50) >> That is not possible. You have to accept everything. >> Okay. Not dwelling on this too much Swami but I have a small doubt here. Menstruation is such a normal natural process. >> So why is it considered to be impure? >> See there is a difference between what is natural and what is impure. Okay. Okay, >> maybe you know we can there are many secretions or excretor that comes out of our body. Okay.
(27:18) >> Okay. [sighs] >> It's all natural, right? >> Yes. >> But does that make it pure? >> No. >> No. So it's not about being impure or not. >> Okay. >> Usually shastras also tell us to take a bath after uh you know passing our stools. >> Okay. Yes. Yes. >> Yeah. And then even after some other excretions also you are required to take a bath.
(27:43) >> Okay. >> So a man if he has passed his tools needs to take baths to become pure. >> Okay. >> Okay. So there are specific rules even if you you know uh clean your nose or uh uh your ears there are specific things that you must do after that like doing acham etc to make yourself pure. >> Okay. >> So similarly after this secretion of uh you know uh blood from a woman there is some rituals that she has to go through to make herself pure.
(28:21) >> Okay. But the problem regarding ministration is that it is not a one-time issue. It is a continuous process. Right? So they are given a particular set of days so that that passes and then they are eligible to do particular kmas. So I don't want to look at this as pure or impure but rather when some things happen we become ineligible to do specific actions.
(28:52) You know uh when uh when we receive the news of someone's death then sometimes we are uh required to [sighs] follow a period of days when we are ineligible to do most of the actions >> you know which we call ashoam. >> Yes. >> Okay. >> So that is a natural process. Death is also a natural process.
(29:16) Birth is also a natural process. But even during those times we are considered to be ineligible for certain actions and we do follow that. So those who follow shastras need to understand that they have become ineligible during that phase of uh life for performing specific activities. >> Okay.
(29:40) You know even during that period a woman can think about Bhagavan, recite his names, you know uh dwell over his past times. She can do all these things. Okay. There are some activities that are not allowed. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> So it is not about being pure or impure. It is just that it is a natural process and so is so are there are many other natural process that happen.
(30:01) >> Yeah. See maybe you can consider that to be impure. >> Okay. But again don't add don't attach negativity to that. >> Okay. >> Okay. Since it makes someone in ineligible you can consider that to be impure. That is your wish. But don't attach negativity to that. That is my point here. Yeah. >> Okay.
(30:23) Um so let's move on to the next phase swami. We can probably make a video regarding rajaswala dharma the specifics of it in a different video of swami. So moving on to the next phase where a woman is married. M yeah a very important phase of life for a woman you know it goes both ways a very important decision even for a man but again the whole world of a woman changes when she gets married because you know she leaves her family and comes to a new place >> where there are new people new rules new responsibilities so it is very important for a woman so
(31:01) the person whom you marry would most probably decide how your life looks afterwards, right? >> Of course, for me, yes, it's a very big decision and it is mostly hard on the woman because she's supposed to leave everything that she's knew that she knew for almost like 20 years. Just take like 20 years and she has to leave all of that and go to some other place where she's supposed to be good to everybody.
(31:25) She's supposed to know what their likes and dislikes. She's supposed to gel with them and bring that family closer. And uh there's a lot of lot of responsibilities too and she has to learn all the things that that household has in tradition etc. So it's a very big decision of course and here you had said that um the man she chooses decides what her life will look afterwards.
(31:47) So what type of man should she choose for? >> Um I think there are two things that uh one must look out for. One is the loika aspect and the other one is vika aspect. What I mean by loic aspect is that would he really take care of me or if the parents are thinking about this would he really take care of my daughter that is one thing people look out for wealth uh looks height where they live etc.
(32:23) But the real thing that one must look out for is qualities, right? Are they good people? Are they uh people who accept others as they are? And these are some things that one must look out for. Don't give too much importance for money etc. That is one thing. And coming to the second aspect, spiritual aspect, we are talking about women who are really inclined towards srada.
(32:53) Right? So for those people they must look out for men who are ready to give them space to grow in spirituality. Okay. [snorts] And uh so does he have interest in spirituality? Does he do samanadam? Does he do thirvaraam? Does he know any pasturams? Does he you know listen to some good things like kalak shapamas etc? These are things that one must look out for.
(33:21) You know there is an example that our uh woman can take among the arvars. There is this arvar called tirum arvar. You know he was in his own world. He was doing his own things and he fell in love with Kumudali. He came to her uh house and asked her father to give her in marriage to him. [snorts] But uh at that point of time Kumudali comes there and she says that she has some conditions.
(33:57) Maybe she was one among the first woman who placed conditions before uh the man who she the man who wanted to marry her. She asks yarn to get punchesamscaras done and also tells him to do tadya for shrias on a daily basis. So she had placed conditions before. >> Okay. >> So for a woman to grow spiritually she can also place some conditions in front of her to be husband. Okay.
(34:36) >> Okay. So, it is very important to choose the right person to have a peaceful life and a life in which we can grow spiritually. So, what do you think about this? Of course for me I do feel a man should be supportive towards his wife uh and should encourage her to grow more and more in sraaya and encourage her to follow dharma and I think that will also teach their children to follow dharma because their they see their parents >> [snorts] >> uh following dharma in their own way.
(35:05) Of course I too feel the same way for me. >> Yeah. So that is marriage. Okay. Um >> and like you said uh uh people shouldn't look out for money importantly. They should be good human beings. That is where you can form a very good support system around you and they can help you in when you are in need of help. >> Yeah.
(35:24) >> So that way your life becomes really good. >> Yeah. >> So now what are the dharmas that should be followed by women after marriage swami? >> Yeah. See our shastras are uh specific regarding what she must do. You know the main thing that a woman must do is to take care of her family. that is taking care of her husband, her children, her in-laws.
(35:52) Uh if it is so for other relatives also. So these are the main things you will find many parts of Shastra speaking about Patiusha serving her husband. Okay. So this is how most of her time must be spent. Okay. uh when we speak about serving them, it consists of you know cooking, cleaning etc etc and all.
(36:22) Okay Swami, so what you have told is that a woman's uh work or chore revolves around her husband, household and family. Show she's bound to her household. Uh and uh in reality Swami these things are looked down upon. A woman's work, a woman's household chores or responsibilities are really looked down upon when you compare it with a man's work.
(36:46) So why should she continue doing something that is inferior? See, I don't think anything done by a woman, such as household chores, etc. is inferior to what a man does. This fascinates me. The thing that I'm going to say now, now we live in a capitalistic economy where people give too much importance to money. [snorts] Since the household chores of a woman don't earn money, people think that it is inferior.
(37:20) But in reality, it is not inferior because money doesn't have any inherent value. Money is valuable because it can buy us some goods or services. >> Okay. >> Okay. I get those goods and services from you without me needing to pay. That is what you provide me. Okay? So it has value. Money itself gains value by providing goods and services.
(37:53) So your works always have a value. So people must understand that the activities done by a woman sustains the family. Okay? So if someone thinks that it is in any way inferior, they do not have clarity regarding this. >> Okay. This is one point that I would like to make. >> So what do you say Swami? Can a woman go to work or not? >> Unless the situation demands that I would prefer a woman not to go to work.
(38:20) >> So you said unless the situation demands a woman doesn't need to go to work. But what if the woman uh has to go to work to sustain her family? What if her husband is incapable of earning the amount of money that is needed for a family to run properly? [snorts] Uh there are many cases where women have to work swami.
(38:39) So what is your uh uh say about it? >> When you speak about women having to go to work, what is the real have there or what is the real requirement there? Sometimes we see that uh people talk about you know having a very lavish lifestyle and to sustain that lifestyle they want to go to work. >> Yes. Because we are talking about shastras, we always prescribe a simple lifestyle.
(39:00) >> A minimalistic one. >> A minimalistic one. A simple lifestyle. So when you have a very simple lifestyle, you won't be needing that much money. Okay? That is the first point that everyone needs to understand. >> Okay? >> And then there may be situations where she's forced to work. That is they cannot sustain their simple lifestyle also.
(39:19) >> Okay? >> That's when a woman is forced to go to work. And I wouldn't say that going for work is wrong in that situation. Okay. >> So, uh do you mean to say that a woman needs to be equipped to go to work but does not need to go to work unless unless it is absolutely necessary? >> Yeah, exactly.
(39:39) I was going to tell the exact thing. She has to equip herself with the right kind of skill set, education etc. But necessarily need not go to work from the beginning itself. >> Okay. >> Yeah. But many people feel that uh uh it becomes too long between a woman developing her skill set and actually going to work.
(40:02) So we uh you said that a woman uh need not go to work unless it is absolutely necessary. But what if it is necessary in a circumstance and she has not worked for past 10 years. She is of course she has a skill set but she has no years of experience with her and by the 10 years she could have even lost that skill set.
(40:20) So won't she be incapable again to work swami? >> Yes, a very good question. Actually many people ask this. I think there are two things that we must uh look into. First thing, today we live in a world where you can do many things to earn money. There are things such as cooking which earn you money, right? You have anyone can you know advertise themselves on social media nowadays.
(40:49) You know there are small things, small skills that you can uh use to earn money nowadays like you know there are people who just sell pickles. >> Yes sir. >> Sell other products and you know make money out of it. So there are a wide range of uh activities that you can do to earn money. So that is one thing. So even if you lose your skill set [sighs] most probably you can find a job.
(41:15) If you don't find a job, you have many other options. You have to be equipped for that. That is one thing. And the second thing which is very important is that we are talking about a circumstance which is a very rare circumstance. At that point of time as a society, we need to provide a support system for such kind of women.
(41:37) >> Okay. >> Be it a woman or a man. >> Okay. If at a point of time they have you know gone through a disaster where they have lost someone or lost their job or something like that we as a society as a family we have to make sure that they are supported >> okay >> you know so it is not always the individual's responsibility but the society has to step in the family has to step in like you know there could be a sister who is going through a tough phase the brothers could help they must not think oh she's not she's married
(42:10) she's not uh our responsibility anymore. You know, during dire circumstances, the society, the family, the [clears throat] state, they must act, you know. So, we must also look into building those kind of support systems which help us in direct uh dire circumstances. Just think about this.
(42:30) You know, a husband loses his wife, suddenly he has to take care of his children, do other things. He he will have no idea about what to do. You know that's when the parents or you know his in-laws or someone has to take care right >> someone has to step in. So we must also build support system we must also nurture a mindset so that the people are always ready to help.
(42:54) >> Okay. >> So two things be ready to experiment when money is really needed. Second thing as a society we must think about building support systems. Yes. So when we are talking about skill sets Swami I actually forgot to ask you this question before earlier you had said that in the face first phase of her life where the girl is yet to be married at that point she has to learn shastras and shlokas dyandams etc.
(43:23) Uh what about what should she learn according to Loki? >> See basic education is necessary for everyone and along with it uh you know when you speak about degrees or etc. I personally feel that a person may have you know a degree or she may even have a skill like you know painting or cooking or something you know that which is capable of sustaining them in future you know that is important.
(43:55) When we speak about education we are always thinking about you know some degrees. >> Okay. Now more than that there are uh possible uh skills or talents that can be nurtured which can earn money. >> Yes. >> Okay. So basic education after that you know having some skill. Yeah. >> Okay. Okay Swami. So there are actually lots of questions that I want to ask you now and of course I'm I know the audience also wants to ask you a lot of questions but I think that will be a very big video if we're going to talk about it now. So we'll reserve that for
(44:25) the next video where we talk about uh each and every specific dharma a woman has to follow. Yeah. >> So let's move on to the next phase for me. >> This is a phase where a woman has unfortunately lost her husband. So of course there are duties like she can take part in some of the household chores.
(44:44) She should do her household chores and some basics that we discussed previously. What other things are there to be followed? See usually uh you know there are many kinds of dharmas that are specific for uh those women. They are usually called as vidhavas or vitantos in shastras in samskrit basically. And you know I actually forgot to mention one thing you know even from the childhood ladies must wear their tilakam.
(45:13) >> Okay. >> Right. So the telakam must be worn as follow as follows like you know ardhaandra k the white part must be and then they must have a shria actually there is a difference in the three phases. >> Okay >> you may be astonished but for a woman who hasn't gone through marriage she must wear a shriam which is like a pumpkin seed.
(45:44) Oh, >> not the long one. >> Okay. >> Okay. And then you have this you know deep [sighs and gasps] uh that is for married women. And then for vidhavas it is like they must have a very small shriam. >> Okay. >> These are some things that differ and usually uh those women do not wear ornaments and there are there are some other dharmas that are specific for uh vidhavas.
(46:13) Maybe we can you know speak about them in a different video. Yeah. >> But can they are they eligible to read uh uh or learn shlokas everything? >> Everyone has the eligibility to learn whatever we have spoken about. >> So they can follow all the basic dharmas. They can learn shastras, they can learn the prabadam, shlokas etc. They can dwell on pyram.
(46:34) They can >> of course they can dwell on. So actually we forgot to mention that but as we spoke about uh in the first phase even in the second phase the woman not only must take care of her household chores but also take care of her spiritual development. Okay. She has to learn uh dipham etc. She can listen to kalak shipamyas etc.
(47:00) She must do all all those things. She must do uh all these household chores etc as service to bhagavan. >> Okay. Because finally we are all servants of Bhagavan. Right? >> Yes. >> So she's not serving her husband or her family. She's serving them so that she can serve Bhagavan. So her service to the family ultimately culminates as service to Bhagavan.
(47:23) That is the mindset with which she must do. >> Okay. >> And of course even a man must do that. I have spoken about this in the video regarding a day in the life of Shivashnava. Okay. So that is one thing that everyone must remember. So finally it is not our husband, it is not our children but it is our bhagavan.
(47:44) It is bhagavan for whom we live our life. >> Okay [snorts] >> that is common for everyone man woman everyone also when we speak about elderly women we must see that they are uh repositories of wisdom. Yes. >> Okay. They also have a important duty of guiding the next generation. Okay, that is one thing they must take care of. That starts from the marriage phase itself.
(48:09) A woman has a great responsibility of raising her raising her children, right? So, so she is the one who actually shapes the future of our society, of our community, of our nation. So that is the greatest gift bestowed upon by Bhagavan on women. >> Okay. So as you said women uh elderly women they have lot of knowledge and they have come through all the phases that we talked about in life.
(48:38) So they are like repositories of knowledge. >> Actually in I think apastra uh apostasa says if you have some doubt regarding dharma you must go and ask a elderly woman. Okay. >> Because she'll be knowing everything. >> Yes. >> Not an elderly man but an elderly woman because they are the ones who really >> you know uh take interest in spirituality, take interest in dharma and remember those things.
(49:05) >> Even now we'll find that if there is an opasam 80% of the people attending are women. >> Women. [snorts] >> Yeah. So women are the ones who uh take this community, take this religion, take this sadra forward. And so there is a lot of responsibility on their shoulders. They have to act accordingly. >> So you can also say that their main dharma is to guide the next generation towards sraaya.
(49:30) >> Yeah. The elderly woman. Surely. Yeah. >> Okay. >> I'm sure people might have doubt even in this phase of life. So I think that will be for the next video and mainly Swami we have talked about what each phase is about but we have just not talked about what a woman should do in our daily life. >> Yeah. >> Uh so I think we should make a video about that next time.
(49:50) A day in the life of a Shivashnava woman. >> Yes. Yeah. Of course. Yes. Something like that. Thank you for uh clarifying a lot of our doubts here Swami. I'm sure our audience will have a lot of doubts here and I think we'll receive a lot of comments regarding that and we'll do a video regarding this next time. >> Sure. >> Very nice to have you for me.
(50:06) Adian Ramanas. And I want to listen.
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