Marriage & Finances | What Every Couple Should Know | Coffee tho Clarity Ep.10 #telugupodcast

Marriage & Finances | What Every Couple Should Know | Coffee tho Clarity Ep.10 #telugupodcast

Author Name:Coffee tho Clarity

Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@Coffeethoclarity

Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ko1U9ohFJIQ



Transcript:
(00:00) I think two months into our marriage I was with you guys. I would withdraw and give it to your mother. So there was one time that somebody called me and said I said if that was the point like if that kind of insecurity is there then why did you empower me and educate me and you know you are equal. My father never said it like if anything let's not go there
(00:47) people who are married especially like you know newly ws I think you have to put your ego aside when it comes to money and money-making decisions. One other thing is in my family or any other family that I know until I met yours that they were hiding finances. They wouldn't discuss it with children. So there's nothing to hide.
(01:15) But in our culture for some reason we were fathers used to hide that from the families. Hello everyone. Welcome to a brand new episode of Coffeeto Clarity. In this episode, we've listened to what our audiences have been asking us. They've been asking us like multiple questions on what we do with our finances in marriage.
(01:43) So today's topic, marriage and finances. Pratima, what do you think of the topic? >> I think it's a very important topic. marriage. I think finance is a very good topic to start off with. Proper financial literacy and we take our steps in our life. But if there is a proper way and it can be taught in a fun way, I think you know that'll be that that would have removed so many assumptions.
(02:21) Uh but what I feel that you know it it is extremely valid. I don't know why I didn't think about it like growing up what did you think like when did you become financially aware or like you know when did you get it or did you get it naturally like how does it work whenever we discuss about finances those are all things that you accumulate no that information so China I think my father was obviously the provider.
(02:56) My mother did not work until uh she started her own art gallery. So we never knew anything other than my father being the provider and he had work elsewhere and he would be the one who would plan everything. So everything was linked to my father. So for my mother she came from a place where woman in this household I should be the last person who does not earn.
(03:29) So financially independent was something where she you know that was ingrained in her brain from her experience. So we also thought okayvious but Raali was soali is the baseline and uh when my sister started earning she would be the one who would send clothes my age difference 8 years I would remember her sending clothes to every one of my cousins whoever would come from the US soci she was earning, she was able to send
(04:16) gifts to everybody that I registered. So when I started earning, even the first time I started earning, I would buy for the help at home and my cous my first cousins and my big family that I had and I found extreme happiness in feeling you know that independently. That is how much you would think but planning when life happens those why you should plan and how you should plan and you know those become very important I think it's a very serious topic >> like serious I wouldn't start off my uh economics journey on a serious note
(04:57) like after 8th grade you have uh three options to choose from I mean it wasn't much of a choice but either computer science economics or accounts So toppers so to be honest that was a blessing in disguise that you know that I learned so much about macroeconomics microeconomics all that from a young age it was a blessing in disguise but what point that you said I think holds true for many households where the dad is the was the primary provider is that the right word primary provider >> uh but in my I was both my parents were
(05:37) like you know uh earning but my mom had a really stable income. >> Yeah. >> And my dad being in business like you know money would come in spurts and then there would be a lull where there was nothing coming in. Uh but mommy always from a young age it's always good to have something stable uh and then the rest you can experiment.
(06:00) Um I think I took after my dad unfortunately doesn't mean I did well in it that is true in you know that generation I maybe this also but I've not encountered it but our generation stable income I think women you know had that in them but I'm still not the primary provider you know the stable income is what actually puts the food on the table right the roof came but only
(06:49) the food on the table but if you actually have it and somebody is bringing that in But the conditioning is so strong that woman still feels that I'm not the primary provider. >> See this topic came from the audience. Gabbert like I not one to give other than in sports right. Uh the one thing that I'd like to say is um people who are married especially like you know newly ws I think you have to put your ego aside when it comes to money and money-making decisions. Yeah.
(07:22) >> Right. Because just because you're like a man doesn't mean that you have to make the decision or something like that. If your partner is really good at it, then why not? Like in our case, right, that's the best case scenario for me. Like the last 10 years of our life has been extremely successful financially because you took control of the finances, right? And I have no like you know any qualms in saying that you know after you took over it became like that, right? So uh there's a reason for that because you know extremely well on how
(07:55) to plan the wealth that has come in whether it is like 10,000 rupees a month or 1 lakh rupees a month or 10 lakhs the quantum doesn't matter but what to do with that money you've dealt with it really well and I wasn't the best at it if I can put it that way. So the again to come back the one advice that I would give people is see what works for you.
(08:17) If the partner whether it's a boy or a girl is good at finances let them take care of it like you know don't put a tag saying that only the guy will take care of it is my thing >> I think I marriage law it's all again conditioning only and the questions that the world talks so you know there are people who are saying that but that's an information that's a very you know it's such a normal question that everybody asks and wants to know if the girl is making more or not and I don't understand the whole point of
(08:51) empowering women and then again you know bringing these conditions as into the marriage or into a friendship also for that matter important topic I come from a place of caution I also come from a place of balancing it out balance gives mental peace I never knew that But uh because my conditioning came from my father who was you know the way he would plan.
(09:29) So they I never felt that. So I was able to do it just like you said with the numbers that we we had. So we were extremely happy and felt comfortable when we were earning 50,000. We are extremely comfortable with whatever we earn now. But a good thing it's a good thing. So yeah, that's a very um important point. And another point is it also came
(10:14) from conditioning. It didn't come from education. So economics life taught me and it taught me in a way because I've seen that in my in my house when people ask you your salary or why do they ask also? We don't know. Very funny thing is wedding time like I think a couple of weeks before our wedding or something my friends had come over and m from Australia.
(10:43) So we're going around distributing cards and all that and like you know very big officer like my one of my friends dad. So we went to give him a card so hello how are you? First question. Hello. First question. It was almost like 3 months since I came back from England and like I didn't have a job and it was the first time I it even came to my mind.
(11:16) Oh wedding and even after we got married like you were working or no you took a job and then I wasn't working for almost 6 months and it never pinched me till like you know the last five 6 months you know people started pointing out oh your wife is working you're not working and I was happy playing tennis I was happy like you know playing golf sen when they people started questioning I didn't feel bad about it But I started questioning myself.
(11:49) But like you know what did you think of that entire the first 6 months of our marriage like you know when because you must have felt the other way around right? Oh why are you why are you working and why but I'll tell you there were a few questions that I was like I had a mouth so I answered. So I think two months into our marriage I was with you guys I would not I was not in that age where I wanted to manage the home and first of all I was not interested I was living with your parents.
(12:27) So whenever I would withdraw and give it to your mother. So there was one time that somebody called me and said I I said if that was the point like and that is one thing and second question is that if that kind of insecurity is there then why did you empower me and educate me and you know you are equal Because you have to feel it like internalize.
(13:11) So when those after that no one said that after that no one said it. My father never said it. Like if anything So finance let's not go there. So the whole point is that Arindo he was someone who said that you should do it like why shouldn't you that was so that was so empowering know when your father believes so I never had the such doubts at all but I felt bad that you were hurting I also saw when you felt that oh it's my responsibility who's it
(13:59) but yeah see that did not come from you it came from the you know people talking that now you earn so much more basically. So I that whole thing is if you don't internalize the actual thing if you feel equal you should be equal you can't say equal that is another very important thing that happens everywhere that happens in marriages also and I've heard this again on Instagram
(14:48) where Michelle Obama was talking about how everybody expects a marriage to be 50/50. It's not. It's never 50/50. When I'm pregnant, how you are 50/50? You can't have the child. No. So, it is not possible. That is biologically only not possible. So, life will put you in places where somebody's 20, somebody is 80, it's fine with it.
(15:12) You accepted a marriage, you deal with such things. So when we're talking about like you know the changes that happened in our finances like you know after marriage the biggest change which I think should be obvious to most people but it wasn't to me is how we deal with the income that come in >> right after you came That simple concept people don't understand that u now okay one 1 cr 35 lakhs put aside for tax 20 lakhs you put in these funds 20 lakhs you reinvest 40
(15:57) lakhs we'll enjoy now there are clear definitions in our life so how do you think people will learn that like because now after you said it it seems Seems like common sense ki before you came in it wasn't that common to me. So how do you think like you know >> and see I also learned a lot of things now stressing about money doesn't help it doesn't help me mentally it doesn't help me physically there was a time that I would actually do your father came and told me something But it is true like you know his point
(16:42) he had a way of saying it but I think he was saying that if you stress about it doesn't make your income grow basically you know mentality I'm not So that whole there was one phase of our life when my sister both of them were like your best friend and my sister both of them were earning so much. All I did was I would clearly tell them
(17:30) and they were more than happy like the clarity that and your best friend he was more than happy to host us. So allarate okay we went to so many places they paid in so many places it's not like I'm going to die you know in 5 years after that there will be a turnaround I will get my chance to you know take them around to places or you know give back in ways that I can so constantly that numbers less complicate the life >> until that is uh good to say in words
(18:17) but when you put it in practice right theory into practice it's very difficult for most people I know that we don't care and it's the same with everything like someone who's fitter than you you think oh I wish I was that fit like someone who's unfit you know who's like more unfit they look at us and think Oh, I wish I was as fit as them. Right.
(18:35) So, even with money, uh coming to that comparison like both you and your sister graduated from Pilani. Yeah. >> Uh and she got like you know a really good job and you started your own business which was like probably India's highest paid >> job out of college right like one of the highest paid.
(18:59) So what did you feel at that point of time? Exactly what I'm saying. My mother was asking, "Are you feeling bad?" And whatever it is, I'm more than happy. And in fact, she never had it either. She never showed it that, "Oh, I'm putting you down." And even if she did, I didn't notice. >> She's never trick. Come on. That is such a >> No, it's the same thing.
(19:26) If my older sister for I never bought I don't remember the first time I bought my own clothes. My sister sent me, my older sister sent me my clothes for until I got married, I think. But until then, she was the person who would send me all my clothes. Like she would send me and my sister all my all our clothes and not just cousins shirt like so it was a very but there was an interesting thing
(20:09) there. My h my sister's husband is so and he was a Mari. So now the way they manage their finances shocking but her sense of clarity was very clear. She was the one who taught me what you know don't if you both have certain amount of money whatever all of that balancing it out. No.
(20:41) So you did have some education in that. >> It's not education. It's coming from familyucomics. So yeah, but that whole thing comes like from that's what I'm saying mostly come from upbringing in families. My dad had this theory forever that loan because his father left loans. He felt that we should not take anything like outright he would buy a car or anything because of his obsession to not have
(21:26) loans on children. No, no. I'm think I'm saying that was his problem. So I had it for a long time. But I grew out of it because I thought okay we live in a different world. So we you know understand the economics and understand and change accordingly. Now we run such a big team right like um people who work for us and like we do educate where I do educate them on financial literacy and all that especially in terms of like you know spending within
(22:10) their means right like someone is earning like a lakh a month like don't go and buy a 50 lakhs car right because it'll unnecessarily tie you down with a loan with a EMI which is not required at that point of time maybe like 2 3 years down the line uh when you grow like you know better in a financial position you can go and buy that 50 lakhs car but what do you think like if financial literacy and a topic like you know if they embibbe them in schools which I think nowadays there is a topic if I'm not wrong I don't know
(22:42) like uh so one thing I tell Akira is that you know >> listen to mommy >> listen to mommy no two things I tell him one thing is you have to learn about financial literacy planning. He's only 10 years old but I feel that you know that uh he has to start learning and he does his own accounting because he does his own tiramisu business.
(23:04) So he knows what profit and loss is and all that. The other thing is my personal thing I feel once he goes grows 18 he should learn bartending because he develops social skills. So financial skills and social skills are I feel the most important thing in the world. >> But the bartending is not that's not the only reason.
(23:21) The only reason is the respect that you have for any job. Your respect towards the person changes with the label that they have outside the name outside the door. teacher tell them that principal the respect that he has towards the principal watchman the respect towards the watchmen but I think that's another thing financial literacy is important and the reason he does his thing is because I want him to know how I don't think weekend.
(24:08) That is not financial literacy. That is prince behavior. That is not true. So, but the whole thing is he knows but he knows that but fair enough. That is fine. He's a kid. But I think uh in the long in the long grand scheme of things, I think he understands the value of you know the hard work that he's put in to get that 10,000. Um which I'm extremely proud of.
(24:36) But I think there are a lot of people who are saying that you should change it, you should teach them. See one other thing is in my family or any other family that I know until I met yours that they were hiding finances. They wouldn't discuss it with children. So there's nothing to hide. But in our culture for some reason we were fathers used to hide that from the families.
(25:10) So I'm not sure why maybe that is some ego equation in Mumari. No like see I think it's with every generation right like the older generation thinks they know better than the younger generation which >> might be true like but not in all cases >> right and this hiding finances from the younger generation is something that I feel >> um you can do up to a certain point of time like but I don't think we should completely hide it right but talk thinking about that like you know talking about that what do you think like if someone has like I don't know
(25:41) like 100 crores like do you think The kid should know that they have so much money. Will it spoil them? Will it What do you think? What is your opinion on that? >> I feel that you should communicate it in the right way. Simple question. Then I actually sit with him. those kind of things we can tell right that that's all part of the understanding finances only so 50 lakhs car is a stretch in your comparison but I think what you gave
(26:25) that speech was about a bike so some 8 lakh bike or something even that's a stretch when you are earning a lakh per month so tight you're opening doors to you know more income But otherwise that stress weighs on you like you are not a most efficient person when there's a stress weighing on you >> until we've spoken for like you know this long right uh see at the end of the day every family every couple should have their own financial rules >> we can't say that what is working for us will work for someone else right so that
(27:02) is the bottom line but society rules Betty you have to follow that auntie that's not right >> right you and I have our own rules and that is working for both of us. The same way every couple I feel they should frame their own rules and stick to it and I'm sure like at the end of the day like when you have that discipline it'll work out for them.
(27:22) So >> I think with that cheers throws challenges at you also sudden health issue is crisis for everybody. So obviously you should always have an open understanding between the partner and happiest couples are not someone we should not become of society basically. Yeah. >> And the point that you mentioned I think is the most valid.
(28:06) I think both of you have to be on the same page. >> Yeah. Right? Like one can't be like a full spend person and one can't be like a completely thrift person until now. So as and how it goes like challenges you have to treat it that way and I think you'll be a happy couple. >> Yes. Cheers.