Inside a Manipulator’s Mind: Seduction, Gaslighting & Psychological Control Explained

Inside a Manipulator’s Mind: Seduction, Gaslighting & Psychological Control Explained

Author Name:Just Curious India by Rapid Rashmi

Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@JustCuriousIndia

Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5dXpyXnbAY



Transcript:
(00:00) When you're working for others, you're working for others growth and not your own. When you are working for yourself, you are growing. The society kind of puts a bracket in you. When you uh study to a certain level, uh let's say you have done your 10th, a certain set of jobs are for you.
(00:22) A certain set of jobs are for you. A degree, a certain set of jobs are for you. bike taxis and auto fights. No, I've eaten from both the sources and I value them both. But the worst part is uh it is going to be taken over by drones. And in the art of seduction, he explains in a very beautiful way how women seduce and how men seduce.
(00:51) Women uh kind of seduce with, you know, like visibility, but men seduce with words. Nirmala Raman the automo uh drop of sales. >> How did she cover it up? By pointing Ola and Uber are the reason why people are not buying cars. Me and you sitting here we talk about banks. Who controls the banks? >> Mhm. >> Rodschild family. The Jews.
(01:24) There's a saying wound is where the light enters right when we hear this now the first question would obviously be what's the light that we looking for and what's a crack what's life what's pain what's purpose so when a conversation has started on these grounds rest assured here is a man who has seen pain who has seen purpose who is trying to understand lens probably kicking all the the value systems of the society all the stereotypes of the society when I say this of course uh grand or probably a real introduction to this man's story
(01:59) would definitely be somebody who was working with Apple is now an auto driver on the streets of Bangalore. Now wait a minute pause. Will you call will you call this a fall or would you call this as somebody who probably uh found his own identity through this? The choice is always yours. There goes perspective.
(02:23) Um at times pain can come across as purpose, pain can uh come across as uh a prison depends on what you choose. So having said this here I extend a warm welcome to this man's story and uh rather put the story aside. Let's let the man open his heart his perspectives through this journey of life as on 2026. Here I extend a very warm welcome to you Rakkesh.
(02:52) Uh welcome to just curious English. Firstly uh I guess uh the podcast shared especially demands a sort of achievement in in you know in terms of an identity they have probably here your biggest identity is like you having probably kicked the stereotypes of the society and somebody who's understood psychology well and somebody who's led a very unfiltered and probably an unconventional life if I may call.
(03:17) So with all these here I extend a very warm welcome to you. What's up? How are you? Hey Gira. >> Thank you. Thank you for having me Rashmi. Uh it's been an honor. I've followed your work uh from a very long time and uh I admire you uh and I like your spontaneity. I like where you take a stand and uh I follow a lot of your work in Canada also. Mhm.
(03:41) >> So, uh, having said that, >> uh, it's been an honor to come and meet you in person. I did have a quick conversation with you. >> You're very down to earth, uh, very, uh, approachable. >> So, thank you. It means a lot for me to come here and uh, be honored. I would call this an honor. You're giving me an honor to come sit next to you.
(04:03) >> I I think, see, these are all things again society has always coined uh, us with or probably put us in a frame, right? Mhm. >> Probably when I look at your life, I think it's it's so gutsy because somebody who has been an engineer, I mean, who's so well read >> um not blindly fitting into the norms of the society here you've kicked all the norms, the stereotypes and then probably today you're a auto driver.
(04:27) >> Again, that is a lot to ask. Keeping your ego aside, keeping your identity that is one part of it and second thing is even if you keep your ego and identity there is always the society which is poking you which probably is accepting you a part of society or probably some victimizing you I don't know what >> so firstly I mean uh the first curious question would always be >> why the shift and what what led to it >> okay first uh I would like to say that uh I've worked in the corporate industry for a very long time and uh I I have
(05:00) also been abused by a narcissistic parent. I'll not name which one. So, uh what happened is I recognized that pattern and saw that happen to me in the workplace as well. And I've worked in multiple companies. I'm not going to name all of the companies here. So, it was not just one and I started to realize that uh manipulation is not just in one place.
(05:26) It is in the hierarchy in almost all of the companies. >> Mhm. And uh when you're working for others, you're working for others growth and not your own. That is always true. And when you are working for yourself, you are growing. >> Mhm. >> And uh again success also uh kind of depends on how you actually describe it. As you beautifully said uh a little while ago, the society kind of puts a bracket in you when you uh study to a certain level.
(06:00) Uh let's say you have done your 10th, a certain set of jobs are for you. PU, a certain set of jobs are for you. A degree, a certain set of jobs are for you. And uh when you don't have any of this education, a certain set of jobs is for you. And that is the labor class. >> Mhm. My fight is against this and uh well uh not I did not wake up one day and uh decide to bring in change to the society in the corporate sector what happened I saw that you know I cannot break the pattern it will continue and >> what's the pattern you're talking about
(06:37) >> the pattern is uh let's say uh in the hierarchy there will be someone you report to okay and I'll quote a book from Robert Green. The first law from the 48 laws of power >> talks about never outshine the master >> because what are you tapping on there is the insecurity of the person above you. When you show your talent when you join a company you'll be the eager beginner out there.
(07:08) Uh it'll be more like uh they call them boots or like uh uh interns. They'll be over excited, full of life. They want to show everything. They want to get praised. So this kind of builds insecurities. The leader or the person, let's say a manager will feel insecure. Can this person be a replacement for me? That's one thing.
(07:32) And once he gets that feeling, your life over there is miserable. >> Right? >> One way or the other, he will find a way to get you. Narcissistic or not, it is how the world functions. I think that's where the bucketing system came into play as a coping mechanism. >> Exactly. Either you be a nice guy, laugh at his stupid jokes, uh you know, like uh just not uh agree to everything he says.
(08:00) That is when you grow in the company. If not, you don't grow. And let's say you have the ability to find a solution, breaking the rules or like finding an alternative or shortcut maybe. >> Mhm. innovative thinking, you're not allowed to because you're not being obedient because someone else has built this structure. You're trying to challenge him.
(08:22) So that person is going to get offended. If you're bringing in change, let's say uh two steps ahead. Let's say the director or the vice president kind of had the structure. When you question that structure and find a shortcut, will he be questioned? There is another way. So all these days you did not say it and this new person saw it again you're scrutinized you're targeted there'll be a lot of things and uh it is not just that uh it can be if you're punctual they will find ways to you know like make things miserable for you >> call you at times when it's your off or
(09:00) probably when you're about to leave add additional work transfer their work to you ask you to go get cigarette coffee just to you know like make others there'll be a group okay just to make others feel okay this guy is the boss and someone else will get stepped down on stepped on >> being a footmat you know that right >> this term uh are normally empaths like I said empath is a person who kind of feels uh others emotional overly emotions overly okay these empaths what they do is like they the nice people.
(09:40) Being nice person is like pleasing everybody around you. What happens? Like uh I used to be this guy. I would have rather opened an ice cream shop. In that case, Allah, what will happen? If I'm trying to please you, you'll ask me a question. Uh I'll accommodate you as much as I can. I'll put you before me. >> Mhm.
(10:00) >> And where is that going to stop? It is not. You are going to overstep me on every boundary. So being a nice guy is not good in the society because people who are not aware or who are uh in the hierarchy below you see through it. Once they see through it, you're being a nice guy, you're being a people pleaser, >> he will take everything that I put on him, every uh emotional burden to physical task to transferring work to asking favors to asking money, they'll misuse you.
(10:36) And uh I'll just not stop it here. I'll add one point. Like everywhere on the internet, I've not said this. I've been so naive like uh I never call these people a bunch of friends. Okay? Like I used to hang out, but I never had the feeling that I belong. Every group that I used to hang out with would never say that this guy's a part of our group.
(10:58) I grew up like that because I'm somewhat kind of a lone wolf. I kind of step out. Uh I don't I enjoy my own company. I'm not an extrovert, not an introvert. I'm an ambiote. I can be who I want when I want. >> Mhm. >> So, uh the point that I was trying to make there is this group of friends, they call me, we go, we sit, we have a chitchat, and I get something passed on to me.
(11:26) >> Mhm. >> They have put uh motion pills in it. Yeah. It's that stupid just to have fun. And >> who are these people? >> No, like me being the nice guy that that's my fault. >> I let them, you know, do all this. >> Push you till your >> And why that happened? Why did I let them do it? Because when I was younger, abuse was normalized in my nervous system. Okay.
(11:52) >> By your parent. >> Absolutely. Not my Okay. One more cut. My mom was not a narcissist. My father is. I leave it open. Okay. She has been impa impacted her whole life by a narcissist and she is suffering. I see her suffer but she's not going to show it out to the world. And there have been uh you know times in timeline growing up.
(12:18) I've seen them fight. I've seen them uh do a lot of things not supposed to be seen as a kid. And uh it kind of breaks my heart. Uh all those uh what do you say the emotional burdens the stress uh the cloud which fox your vision kind of happened to me at a very early age and uh >> what did you do about it like I mean with the the understanding and the capacity that you had as a kid >> what did you turn towards >> there were limitations I couldn't do anything.
(12:52) So uh I developed this habit of uh staying as much away from home as possible. But that didn't happen until I was uh probably in later in college where I started bunking, I started moving out, I started smoking, I started drinking. I've done things which I'm not proud of in the past and uh of late uh well it is against one of my writings on the wall that I should quit smoking.
(13:14) I've written it in bold but I do smoke. That's one thing I'm trying to quit. uh yeah they kind of normalized this uh abuse and I kind of uh spent a lot of time when friends calling them friends at certain point and I uh you know totally disregarded uh the value of friendship. I have no friends and I'm really happy because when you have friends, you know for a fact when you're growing in life, okay, they will be an anchor for you because if you're not at the same level, >> uh again, this is uh a little poisonous
(13:51) from Robert Green is what people think, but he means it in a very uh say timeless way. What happens? He takes uh you know maravlian thesis uh he takes uh what do you call that uh stoicism >> he explains all of that Caesar's uh story he takes it from that time and he kind of explains it why >> time and again these theories have been proven >> yeah and it is timeless relics the books that he has written uh there's this one book called the art of seduction and in the art of seduction.
(14:32) He explains in a very beautiful way how women seduce and how men seduce. Women uh kind of seduce with uh you know like visibility but men seduce with words, visuals and words. These are again timeless relics. See uh he's not a very old author. He's still alive. He he's suffering a stroke. Okay. one of his hand one side of his body is paralyzed but still he's actually working on a lot of books and uh he has helped millions of people someone like me >> Robert Green >> Robert Green >> amazing so you spoke about uh the thesis Mavilian
(15:13) Mavian >> so there is this dark triad okay see triangle has three sides right >> one side is Mavianismians are people who are who would not feel emotionally uh you know like perturbed even if they kill hundred or thousand people because if their one decision can take away 100 lives. >> Mhm. >> Um again this might sound a little political but I will anyway say it Nirmala Sithar Raman takes decisions on a very large scale and she kind of shifts blame on something else.
(15:55) the automo uh drop of sales. >> Mhm. >> How did she cover it up? By pointing Ola uh I mean Ola and Uber are the reason why people are not buying cars. Who? Jenz's. Why? Because they believe uh you know it is convenient to use cabs rather than committing to an EMI. See how clearly she shifted the blame and uh tax We're paying so much tax on uh the money we earn which is already taxed.
(16:33) You save it and you invest it. You make money which is already taxed. The investment >> Mhm. >> it is again retaxed. >> You uh invested in FDR again you're paying GST for that. Roads. What is happening in roads? Uh you buy a vehicle, you pay road tax. You buy fuel, you pay tax. State and government. Uh now the fuel prices have increased but it was somewhere around 33 35 rupees a liter crude price and uh 30 odd goes to the state government at the 28 something goes to the central government.
(17:11) This is how uh the money was actually getting uh distributed per liter. And we actually changed the uh purchasing uh place also. We went to Russia where we got cheaper oil. Uh the subsidi subsidization never happened. And who was behind all this? Politicians. >> People with maximum power will either be marvelian or narcissists.
(17:39) Uh again this might sound a little controversial but the Microsoft boss is also a narcissist. Radha by Rapid Rushmi. It's my very own Sari brand born from stories, culture and the love we all share for the timeless drapes. Sari handpicked with care. Every color chosen with emotion. Every collection is crafted for women who wants credibility, affordability and absolute uniqueness.
(18:06) >> Satya. Yeah. >> Like what are your observations and how do you arrive at these? >> Uh see uh I just don't blame. Now if you ask people who have worked in Microsoft they will tell you the same and uh there are so many Reddit reports about it. >> There's uh Wikileaks, Edward Snowden. >> Like for people who have not read this if you can just put a thread out like like what have you read? >> Uh okay let's talk about Wikileaks.
(18:37) Edward Snowden, heard of him. Uh Edward Snowden is a whistleblower >> who kind of brought out what is happening in the Afghan wars in the Iran where basically what uh you know the US armies kind of troops went out of the US and kind of settled in during the reign of uh this one Obama >> where uh Saddam Hussein was right.
(19:04) uh before that this Wikileaks kind of happened and there were information about this and a lot of other stuff. Uh again there are uh controversial videos coming out there where people talk about uh people landing on the moon is a fake. Uh again facts >> there's a separate uh fan base for conspiracy theories. >> Absolutely.
(19:30) And you can't just rely on the theories. >> What's the conspiracy? You will have to understand different dimensions. Okay? And people who are trying to hide it would have destroyed the actual proofs, >> right? >> And that's how the world functions. And how does the world function? Me and you sitting here, we talk about banks. Uh who controls the banks? >> Mhm.
(19:53) >> Rothschild family, the Jews. Heard about Rothschild? >> Mhm. Not much into all of this, but anyway, I'm I'm all ears. Please tell me. Yeah. And the Rothchild, please Google it if whenever you get time. The Rothschild family is my I mean this is again uh just theories you know moving around in the internet.
(20:16) One fine day uh even they will not be uh validated >> and that is how it's all speculation. Let's end it. Is that also a form of I don't know I shouldn't call it like engagement is probably the better word like than calling it entertainment because there's a huge >> community uh always looking for these >> very invested >> one for and one against will always create uh you know like fights in the comment section >> right as you said it is engaging >> and people will engage more and based on that people randomly just put videos
(20:55) like without deeper information >> just touching the surface like how I'm doing it right now >> we're just touching the surface and we're passing off >> if we sit on one particular topic and we go on a deeper discussion that is when we'll try I mean we'll come up with a conclusion >> and we coming up with a conclusion it's just me and you arriving at it uh it doesn't mean that we are just putting that message to viewers >> and they will be the judge like what is happening in the news channels these days they'll leave it to the people's
(21:29) perception. >> Mhm. That's the >> for it just can be that there is no conclusion to it. It was a form of entertainment or a distraction for a period of time and then people moved on to the >> next problem. >> It's kind of like that. Uh people move on and some people just uh go back and scratch the surface again. Yeah.
(21:48) It's like a cycle back to the uh Mavillian thesis and then >> Okay. The dark triad. Oh yeah, we got deviated completely. Uh in the dark red there's one side macavalians, the other side is uh psychopaths and narcissists. Okay, these three sides form or represent every negative emotion that a human can have. Okay. >> Okay.
(22:15) >> And there's one more character in here. Okay. Which is called as the very dangerous one that is dark empath. >> What's that? The dark empath >> uh are the people who are capable of uh you know having uh an emotion which is fake. Cognitive empathy. Okay. >> What does that mean? >> It means >> they manipulated.
(22:42) >> They have all the characters of these three people. Like what do the psychopaths do? They have a pattern and they keep killing killing killing. Okay. And uh what do maravlians do? They kind of take decisions where it can hamper hundreds of people. >> But they don't care. >> What do uh narcissists do? Narcissists kind of they are like the ring masters.
(23:05) >> Meaning, >> okay, they just uh hypnotize you into uh feeling that you are worthless. Bottom line, uh without them, you're nothing. Your job is to fulfill whatever the narcissist tells you. Put yourself behind the narcissist. >> So narcissists are always the dominant ones and the empaths are the submissive ones uh in the relationship.
(23:34) And these narcissists they just don't latch on to just one uh target. One will be the main target and they will keep switching with uh others also. uh it'll be like one is a uh main one and around it there'll be multiple other people uh that they keep switching to in case this supply uh what they get out of it is called a supply.
(24:02) Okay, supply of emotion, supply of pleasure. >> Okay, >> it goes like that. And uh okay so here what happens once they see that uh this person has become a vegetable it's time for them to move on because they're not getting that supply once the person becomes a vegetable they're not getting what they want >> what's a vegetable here like a person who's a target of a narcissist like once he becomes he or she becomes a ring master >> to the other uh the submissive person >> so what happens like Okay.
(24:37) Firstly, what happens is everything will be normal. They'll be the uh best person. They'll be the person that you dreamt of. Okay. And after a point in time, gradually things will start shifting. They'll start becoming a little adamant, a little uh you know uh aggressive. The uh grandiose narcissists kind of uh do all the excessive thing like uh out they'll show you outbursts of emotion like rage, anger, all of that constantly.
(25:12) >> What's the term again? >> Rage. >> Grandio. >> Grandio narcissist. In narcissist there are two types. One is grandiose and the other one is covert. Covert is like the stealth. >> You can't see them. health is hidden. Huh? They're like the mage, witch doctor kind of a thingy. >> And what they majorly thrive on is your feeling of helplessness.
(25:38) Your emotions, >> both >> your emotions, your feeling of worthlessness. >> Why do they have to feed off other person's helplessness? >> Because they're broken. See, they need constant validation that they are not. They live in a facade. Okay? And that facade is uh like it's a lie to themselves. They keep lying to themselves to uh you know make them understand that this is not them.
(26:07) Like they run away from responsibility. Now uh let's say you manipulate someone into bringing water for you and that person will understand uh okay why did she send me? Couldn't she get it herself? one point in time you'll realize that and that sudden feeling you get right why instead of so I mean not just that it'll be more like you're trying to uh show dominance in front of five people hey go get water for me like a tone there'll be a certain tone aligned with it and it is done intentionally to put you down and for
(26:46) them to feel better like they might not be getting that attention initially when she shows that assertiveness on you that I'm the boss the other three will start respecting you not only for that for her own satisfaction also she does this >> her own his own uh and it can be as simple as uh you know turning you against someone else uh we call that a triangulation okay so this is more like uh a weighing scale okay so you have uh you're creating conflict ICT between two people for attention from the narcissist.
(27:27) Uh let's say a narcissist has two supplies. Okay, one narcissist has two supplies as in two relationships. Okay, she's constantly trying to put these two against each other so that they fight for her unknowingly. This was actually orchestrated by her. >> Oh god. >> Two guys fighting. Imagine and uh there'll be sadistic pleasure in these uh people. They withhold information.
(27:59) Let's say uh I've constantly told you that uh I have abandonment issues. Okay. When I say that, you listen. And why do you listen? To do just that. >> You understanding the point? Mhm. >> Uh and you will not see it coming if it is uh a covert narcissist grandios you would feel it uh you would see it coming but you'll not understand why is it happening to you when you're in >> probably now how should I identify a narcissist like three characters to identify >> first first of all you see every conversation that you have with them
(28:40) would end up benefiting them. Okay. In if we are having a a conversation like me and you are having a conversation of whether we have to drink coffee or tea, you're a coffee person. I'm a tea person. Every time we end up drinking coffee. >> Mhm. >> That is one thing. And >> it's not outright like the person always trying to talk about himself or herself.
(29:04) >> It in uh overt it is different. In covert it is different. But their intentions are the same. just the route or the map taken is not the same. It's just indirect. One is more direct. But uh okay uh I was about to tell you something else is very >> three types three signs to read a narcissist.
(29:27) One is everything will be about them. one will be everything about them and uh >> you have to see why is this person asking me so much questions uh so many questions and uh he or she knows everything about me I know nothing about this person you would know nothing about that person okay they're not open and uh silent treatment is their power when they want you to succumb whom they'll use silent treatment.
(30:01) Okay? They'll not say anything else and they know the power of silence more than anybody. So, uh it is more like they'll keep punishing you for things that uh they don't like you doing. They control you and everything. They uh draw restrictions and they'll not let you have any uh line. They'll not let you draw draw any lines.
(30:24) They'll overstep the lines. If you tell them you don't like something, they'll keep doing it. Not only that, uh it'll be more like if you tell them I don't like a particular person and uh it'll be like let's say in the initial stage of the relationship, I might have told you I don't like my uh maternal aunt. Okay, let's say there's a function where my maternal aunt is going to be present.
(30:49) she will know it and uh I cannot stand looking at her face. Okay, that's how uh you know I've told her she will make it a point that I cancel everything else and I will be there and she'll be there or he or she will be there just looking at a place and uh gauging the reaction and they get off on it. I've seen that.
(31:15) >> What's in for a narcissist watching all of this? That's >> u it's like I said they get off on it. It's more like uh they fantasize it >> when you >> why are they so broken like why would one become a narcissist? >> Because they have issues uh which they have not dealt with. Uh normally what happens is these narcissists because of a situation in their life which they could not have dealt with uh has changed them >> uh seeing something graphic uh witnessing death or something shocking >> at a very young age and they did not
(31:58) recover from it and uh some people say they're born that way. Uh I don't see any uh proofs that narcissists are born. Uh but go according to Robert yes some of them are born like that. So that I don't know but I haven't seen any from what I've seen. Uh but I tried to understand why is this happening. I try to go deep but uh there are uh things that uh there are barricades you can't there are walls and there are obstacles these people create >> so yeah my mother has been an enabler >> like
(32:41) >> uh she does the work through my mother something that I don't want to do uh let's say throwing garbage simple I don't like to throw garbage she will ensure that I happen I mean I have to throw garbage twice a day if uh let's say I'm in a hurry I'm leaving my house uh as simple as hiding the key just to trigger my emotions if I'm going to a meeting or something uh very it is horrible anything possible she has done it just to uh get me on that stage most of the friends that I told you uh about the time the medication being put into
(33:26) my drink. it there are chances that those are connected >> the friend circle and the narcissist in my wife and uh when I was in school when I used to take friends home my father wish uh he used to lecture the others so much so that they would never come back he would separate my friends from me >> because this narcissist function only when you're isolated from the world once you start exposing yourself to the world uh once they can't control who meets you, who doesn't meet you.
(34:01) They're powerless. >> Why do they need power? Is because >> they need they feel powerful when you're powerless. Uh let's say uh being a man, you need some sort of power, some sort of decision making in the house, the household to run. I'm I'm not saying it uh as a chauvinist. It is more like uh I don't want to eat aloo today. Okay.
(34:29) Uh and you pay no attention to it at all. Uh I mean in a husband and wife relationship or father mother or or father daughter or something. >> Mhm. But you pay no attention to it at all and you keep doing it just to rig those emotions and there'll be certain triggers for you to uh connect to a particular incident.
(34:54) >> Okay. Uh for you, let's say if you look at a particular plant, a certain memory comes into your head. >> Mhm. >> That's called a trigger. So they use that uh anxiety triggers, panic triggers against you. They'll not let you be stable because uh normally you would have to f uh in a narcissistic relationship you always have to focus on who is the victim.
(35:22) >> How to do that? >> Ah because victims are usually the people who go and take take therapy because narcissists never accept that something is wrong with them. They never take responsibility. they will never take uh therapy at all. If it is a covert narcissist, uh they're so uh cunning that uh some of the medical experts cannot identify clinical narcissists.
(35:49) >> That's how well they deep. >> That's how well they cover. >> Yeah, they will cover up. >> So now the main question is how should one be around a narcissist and how to protect oneself from them? >> Okay, so >> three things to do. Huh? >> Uh we we did two. >> Yeah. >> Uhhuh. >> Yeah. I think here you did two.
(36:09) How to identify two, right? >> Uh we did two. So once you identifi I mean you need one more. >> Ah okay. >> One more point to identify ah that is the one uh in a narcissistic relationship uh the one taking therapy is always the victim. >> Okay. >> Mhm. >> And when uh there are a lot of people attacking one person uh Okay.
(36:33) and he's not he's he or she is left defenseless. One person is fighting for himself or herself. >> Okay, that is the victim. Okay, the other one is the abuser because 10 people attack one person. Normally if it is a normal person, if the attacker is not a narcissist, the other person may have one or two supporter if it is not wrong.
(37:01) If uh situations go back to childhood in any other fight in a normal fight and someone is reminding you about the mistakes of your past again it is a sign >> of a traumatic relationship >> or a trauma bond because they keep going back. It never fixes the first mistake >> like they never let you move on. And what this is one more identifier.
(37:29) Whenever you go to a narcissist with a problem, you against the world or you against your neighbor or anything, it is always the opponent that she or he would support. >> So you are devalued the whole time. You will never uh be respected, never valued. It it'll all be subtle moves. Okay? Not until you're very deep into it, you would not realize and most of them do not realize it.
(37:59) They will uh either become dark empaths themselves in the triad or they end up becoming a vegetable and uh some keep reacting and the same toxic uh cycle keeps rotating because they never learn. Some evolved, step out. Some have their reasons. And for some who have reasons and who are stuck in the relationship, how how to deal with a narcissist is detach yourself emotionally.
(38:30) Like whatever they do should not impact you because whatever you cannot control, you cannot change it. Right? >> If you cannot change something >> uh which is not in your control, it will uh you know bother you. Let's say the weather weather in Bangalore can I change it? No. If my emotional state is being hampered because of the weather, I'm just spoiling my own mind, right? Will that make any difference? No.
(39:05) >> The same way uh traffic in Bangalore, no. Someone else, how can you control someone else? Can you make someone love you? >> Can you make someone hate you? Oh yeah, that is that is possible. But again uh yeah that is something. So differentiate between what you can and what you can't control. Half the problem is solved.
(39:31) Someone says writing it down half problem is solved. The others half is solved when you understand if that uh something if that problem is something in your control >> like the sun rays in the east and sets in the west. Uh if I have a problem because the sun raises onto my face, what can I do? I can change the direction that I put my head in.
(39:52) >> Right. Right. >> Uh that's how you you know >> put your head around it. >> That is decisiveness that I'm haunting. So I should be able to work around and uh when whatever they do, it might be you know having an affair or uh traumatizing the person you like. >> So what can you do? No, you can just intervene and uh try to tell them this is what is happening to you.
(40:21) When they uh try to uh turn a blind eye, you can't do anything. You can take a horse to the point. Many a times rushi uh not that but I'm telling you when I try to show my mother what's happening, she has been gas lit. She has seen things and uh she has told me certain things which I had not paid attention to because I was also being gas lit.
(40:43) And now if I talk to her about that she doesn't remember which is uh >> would you like to tell our audience what is gaslighting? >> Yeah. Uh so okay gaslighting is someone making you question your reality. Let's say uh now Rashmi is going to tell me that uh this is not in my pocket but it is I put it in my pocket and because she said it I will touch and check okay >> like I'm now telling you that there is no >> pods in your pocket >> no pods in my pocket and uh me in that state of mind I touch elsewhere and I feel oh she's right and what happened
(41:25) here is me questioning my own reality Though it exists right there, I am now questioning it and believing the the other person's opinion. >> Let's say I while sensing it, I absent mindly did not touch the pod. >> Oh, absent mindally do that. Okay. >> Or let's say uh pod is something uh something that I can't sense maybe a piece of paper.
(41:46) H >> got it. >> Ah like I gave you the paper yesterday and we start a fight which never happened. Ah and one more way to identify narcissist when you're always apologizing in the relationship. It is not your fault but still you're made to feel it is your fault. Now this terminology is called guilt tripping. Okay.
(42:10) So I make you feel it is your fault though it is not yours >> and that is in a very skillful way and you end up crying and uh coming back to me >> and that is what they want. M >> you know how the kids react like uh 2 three year olds >> uh they you know get back to their mom crying like something happened they'll run back to complain >> uh and mother gets some sort of uh dopamine hit from that oh my kid is coming to me and complaining my kid loves me so much that is a feel that a narcissist would get when their supply comes running to them
(42:52) >> supplies the dependency >> supply is the empath >> uh >> like the uh one is a parasite the other is the person that is being attached to right so yeah >> empaths are the uh what do you say uh how do I put it across the animal or the spine empaths are the spine and narcissists latch on making the spine theirs Damn.
(43:23) >> It's like uh the sandalwood uh tree. It needs another >> uh >> the part to latch on to grow. >> Okay. >> To thrive on. So, same thing. >> Stepping on someone else's head to go up the ladder. Yeah. >> Like craps, >> right? >> They pull themselves down. You've heard about this. I'm vegetarian at home, but outside I eat.
(43:49) >> Wow. So I think we just got into the world of narcissism. >> So how to protect uh oneself around a narcissist is >> because it's a grey toning method >> uh emotional detachment. >> It is like whatever they do it is to bring a certain emotion from you and uh it is also called as a reactive abuse. Okay.
(44:20) What is a reactive abuse like me making you react? I find things that ache you, trigger you and I keep throwing it at you. At one point you burst >> and that outburst I show it to people like I put a stage for you and I call the audience and when the audience are in you start the show. Okay. When you start the show people around what would they think? Okay, >> that's the victim.
(44:47) >> The one who is not stable >> is the trouble. >> So the victim card is held by the narcissist. >> Damn. So this is grey stoning. >> So you have to greystone. Greystoning is uh you literally uh on a road what is a color of a stone? Gray, right? Gray uh granite whatever. So would you focus on what shape is this stone or can you identify a particular stone and would you be scratching your head about that particular stone after seeing it? No. Right. Just pass. Yeah.
(45:27) It just passed by. You just saw it. You forgot about it. >> See, don't give into it. Don't give attention. >> Because these guys are boxers. Okay. Imagine these guys are boxers. They will drag you into the ring all the time with your reaction emotions. >> The day you stop giving in, >> don't walk away. Walk away.
(45:49) >> They come in. Keep it minimal. Keep your interactions with them minimal. Just respond with a single word or a single sentence as minimal as possible because whatever you say like the United States government will be used against you. like federal law, right? >> This is what the cops say >> when someone arrests you.
(46:13) >> But this is how you can deflate >> or or protect yourself >> so I think what life has thrown at you >> now has made you understand >> what a narcissistic behavior is >> all of this life has thrown at you. Now what led into you choosing an auto driver as your profession? >> Okay.
(46:42) Now I'll give you a proper uh like story like what happened after changing multiple companies. No, I saw this pattern and then I thought this is not going to work and I'd become so indecisive that uh I would dip it. Am I uh thirsty? Am I not? I would ask someone else like uh I'm like I would not drink water. Someone comes and asks me like do you want water? like the narcissist or someone else then I would drink.
(47:06) Someone else brings me food then I eat. Your self-care is hit. You would not bathe. Someone else forces you to take a bath. >> Oh. >> So being in the selfsickness kind of hampers your uh self-care also. So more you are thrown uh to a corner and bashed there you stop giving a reaction to it to the extent that you stop taking care of your own >> self personally personal care.
(47:33) >> No I had not attained the ability to graze the narcissists. Okay. So uh it would impact me. What it does is it'll put you into a state of rumination. Rumination is a word. uh it is you uh constantly si sitting in a place basically not moving and it appears like you're sitting still but your mind is elsewhere it is stuck on a loop >> a traumatic experience like uh I told you what triggers PTSD right this narcissist would have pulled that trigger and walked by and in your brain the same incident will keep running in a
(48:12) traumatic experience uh like I don't want to get deep into the traumatic experience So me telling you that uh I saw certain things uh which I could not understand or fathom or uh process. So I froze after seeing a particular thing and after freezing uh okay human brain reacts in three ways to a threat. Once you see a threat you freeze.
(48:38) >> Fight flight >> uh fight, flight and freeze. >> Flight and fight are good reactions. When you're freezing, imagine a stamper is happening and you froze. >> What's going to happen? >> You are dead inevitably. >> Yep. >> So, you have to train your mind not to freeze in a situation like that. >> How to do that? >> By training in some sort of physical activity.
(49:08) Uh martial arts is a beautiful thing. You know, you become calm. uh you kind of know what you're capable of and uh when there are threats on the streets you will still be calm because you know what you're capable of the other person is not. Uh in a straight fight what normally happens is someone who's uh short-tempered kind of loses it and swings one or twice once or twice and if it connects it connects if not he himself who's attacking will lose for uh his balance and fall off.
(49:38) But martial arts are not like that. you are taught how to stand in a fight first, how to fall down. So, you kind of know even if this person throws me or if a punch lands, I'll know how to block. I'll know how to fall. I'll know how to uh you know like if I lose my balance, how to get it back.
(50:01) So, it gives me that level of confidence and this uh is a very good reaction for threats. So you are ready. You're prepared to fight. What what do you do? Any martial art you see what they do is >> an altercation happens. Their hands come up first. >> So this is this is it because this is my space. Unless he has a gun or something or a huge knife, they're safe in this range because his hands can't reach me.
(50:28) >> Mhm. >> And if that is not the case, uh you would end up freezing. Imagine you froze. He throws and he's not satisfied. he is a statistic person or someone uh you know someone has uh turned a switch and uh forgot to switch it off. He goes on uh even if I'm down he doesn't stop. He keeps hitting until I'm dead.
(50:56) So yeah, that is one thing that you should always fight. Instead of getting fit, you should train your brain. I mean uh that's >> wrong. Along with getting fit, you should train your brain to react in times of threat. And in martial arts, you're doing exactly that. Uh you're training, uh you do partner training, you do drills, you do sparring sessions.
(51:20) So you're aware. >> So you are getting a reaction and that's how you pass out from the phase of you freezing to giving a reaction. >> Absolutely. >> Absolutely. I was about to get there but you connected the dots >> and uh here what happened was in my case before even getting into the uh unfreezing state because I was frozen mentally and you're in that shock and after that vision no I took six and a half months to get out of that shock uh I did all of the books uh my attention span was lesser than 2 seconds if I'm
(51:52) opening a book to read two lines and I couldn't read further then I couldn't >> what were you doing then >> I wasn't doing anything I just looking at the wall, recollecting the trauma. 6 and a half months almost in that phase. Uh I quit the work imagine me quitting work and going back home and everybody blaming me inside the house.
(52:13) I'm already facing hell outside. I quit. I don't know what state of income I have. I had a little bit of savings and with that savings uh it ran for a bit. after you know like I ran out of money then I started finding jobs uh unconventional jobs. >> Why did you choose the unconventional route? >> Because I wanted to uh all of those degrees and the stuff that I had seen no uh it kind of made me question my own existence >> like in the corporate world manipulation >> in the corporate world. Thank you.
(52:46) Thank you for filling in. uh the things that I saw it it kind of made me uh not wanting to live uh but again I did not want to end myself. I knew that I'm capable. I I have a lot more to offer and uh this is not me because I looked at the mirror and thought like this is not me. I don't weigh 120 kilos. I was so I look like a blob.
(53:16) See there is uh >> in that 6 and a half months that that phase like you had gone abuse the abuse was there for a very long time and when it became two fronts like uh little bit of parental manipulation at home and outside kind of added together. Okay. And it made me feel okay I have nowhere to go. that was like the rock bottom.
(53:44) Okay, in that uh span I saw myself and you know I knew that that wasn't me. I had a lot more to offer and I also had a daughter at that stage. So I wasn't ready to give up. Then what I did I started discovering things that I used to like when I was a kid. >> Mhm. That is >> and I started intermittent fasting.
(54:09) started drawing uh you know like on a piece of paper I would draw some hills, trees, house and I started doing things. The rumination kind of stopped a little bit and me thinking about those traumatic experiences kind of uh became a little lesser and lesser and lesser and lesser. Uh I used to only get traumatized in the dreams.
(54:34) I used to get nightmares of the same vision and me standing there how differently could I react all of that constantly that was the rumination how could I react these were the things literally speaking and after that no uh it kind of everything worked out to me I have been an atheist for the majority of my life >> okay and I don't believe I mean I had not believed in god uh and the stories I've heard a lot of stories Bhagat Gita I've read the Bible Quran but eventually all the three religions or any particular religion which is documented
(55:14) kind of tells you the same thing good bad exists good will fight the bad in the end good wins and there are morals and stories built around it and these morals kind of gives you values >> and all the religions are structured that way uh I don't believe in You have to pray in this way, you have to pray in that way.
(55:39) I got an emotional uh not an emotional a spiritual awakening I would say after all of these experiences. Uh how did that thought come into me? Me going to >> the thought of me going and starting martial arts because drawing alone wouldn't have fixed me. I took up martial arts and uh martial arts kind of went on for a year. And slowly I started getting better in shape, physically, mentally.
(56:06) I was able to do a lot of things. Uh I won a Brazilian jiu-jitsu competition like martial arts. It's it's mixed martial arts. I do jiu-jitsu, mixed uh Muay Thai, judo, wrestling a little bit. >> MMA anyway is a mix of everything, right? >> Mix of everything. Uh I specialize in jiu-jitsu. I love jiu-jitsu and Muay Thai because uh in the club that I used to go they were specialized in these two.
(56:33) When I uh was in the first gym after let's say 6 months fee was paid and after the 6 months I was running out of money then I sold my car. I had a Volkswagen Jetta. So I sold it for a very low price to a neighbor. It's still with my neighbor but the guy who bought it from me passed away. Uh he was the same age of me but his brother uses the car.
(56:56) it's in front of me so I don't miss it much. Uh and uh with that money uh you know I got a renewal of the gym that I initially used to go to >> and some of the narcissists from somewhere got in touch and uh made things messy in that particular gym. So I had to move on. >> Then I changed the gym. Uh I started to understand that I could make this a source of income.
(57:22) They made me an assistant trainer in the second gym. They made me clean the floor, wash toilets. I've done all of that. Not a shame because it was a very healing process. I'll tell you. Uh I had this Shaolin monk kind of healing, but those people also were not that good. Uh I got to know a few things after. So yeah and that money was not sufficient.
(57:53) Five grands a month would not uh give you your basic needs. And >> uh there was a small uh rift which happened in my house where uh you know you get those uh lamps right? >> Mhm. >> The big ones the copper bronze ones where you light it. >> Uh in raids I threw it. There were around 10 15 people in my house. Uh again, a lot of people uh pushed me into a place where I had to explode, but I didn't hit or physically harm anyone inside the house.
(58:24) I picked that up, looked at a corner where nobody was there, and I threw it there. And then cops were called. I was kicked out of the house for a couple of months. I survived in the gym, the second gym for 2 months where 5,000 was not sufficient. So, I started doing other jobs like uh Swiggy, Zomato, Uber Eats. Uh I cycled around. and I had a 500 cc bullet.
(58:43) Uh it would not work out for me uh doing rapid. I did that too. And that's why like I don't engage where a lot of uh you know rapid or bike taxis and auto fights. No, >> I try to because I've eaten from both the sources and I value them both. But the worst part is both the jobs are going to be uh limited.
(59:13) It is going to be taken over by drones. 5 years or 10 years down the line, >> the last mile delivery will be replaced by >> drones. >> Drones. >> This is a message to all the >> Yeah. And they are going to lose jobs. >> Mhm. the people who are doing delivery jobs like lesser than tell me one thing Rashmi like uh do if you have an emergency here let's say an ambulance or you want uh cops or police to come down here will they come here in 10 minutes >> I'm sure not >> absolutely not right how fair is it to ask a delivery agent to bring your order
(59:51) in 10 minutes and these apps have started you know like fighting against each other and incentive wising people so that uh they cut off two or three minutes in that 10 minutes. >> True. >> Uh in that 10 minutes you deliver it in 7 minutes you earn 5 rupees extra that it's not a huge sum 5 rupees 10 rupees 20 rupees whatever that is but what are you doing as an app? You're creating hysteria on the streets.
(1:00:20) You're creating more accidents uh road rage obviously. So as a society our focus is not in the right place. We kind of get deviated and we kind of focus on things that do not matter. Why I say this is because I have been uh you know shown places. Uh it it's a deflection mechanism where they distract your attention and something else is going on in the background.
(1:00:48) >> Right. Right. Right. like healthare, education, transport are the major things. But what are we focusing on? The other things which are not so important >> like politics, >> who is fighting whom? >> Uh and what is act what happened uh,500 years ago or 100 years ago, 50 years ago and we do we have to fight for that and in the name of religion and cast.
(1:01:14) >> Yeah. Exactly. All these are deviations while the real problems are just being >> are not addressed. Yeah. H so when you started uh working as Swiggy delivery boy and Uber Eatats >> now what led you to take up an auto driver's job next? >> Ah yeah uh here while delivering food uh I kind of noticed one thing uh money is very limited uh you don't make too much money because >> like tell me a day while you were a Swiggy uh delivery guy.
(1:01:48) Okay, I wouldn't go deliver throughout the day because as I told you, I was also living in the gym, right? I would get a certain time where I would be off duty. Let's say I open the gym at 6:00 because I sleep in the gym. I open it at 6:00 in the morning. Uh and uh there's no business after 9:00, 9. >> There'll be other people also who come in who are employed in the gym.
(1:02:10) >> When they come in, I used to get time. >> Normally in the afternoons, I would be free. the gym is not open until 4:30 in the evening, >> right? >> So that was the time I would go out, >> deliver >> make some deliveries. Uh >> how many during the afternoon like >> probably 5 6 uh I had kept a target of 10 but cycling around was a task.
(1:02:33) uh 10 could not be done and uh if you do 15 or something they would give you uh 200 rupees 250 rupees extra which never happened in my case because I did not have time because I had to take care of other things like I had a permanent job that was like my full-time job being in there >> right >> uh but uh considering the fact that I was focused on healing myself and I was not concerned about what others are doing to me uh other than people treating me like again all over in the second gym I felt like I have an understanding
(1:03:04) >> okay of where I'm going >> even there I was not spiritual okay I was still a person uh very much I would say uh how can I put it across atheist I was an atheist and uh I don't know like uh it went on 2 3 months I was there uh November last year >> why did you switch to being an auto driver >> because I I was not see I went back home I lost this 5,000 rupees jobs that I had and uh I kind of know what kind of money you can make I don't have a a bike which gives you a good mileage I have a bullet and I have a cycle so with the cycle
(1:03:50) even doing 10 deliveries uh earning 20 rupees a delivery how much will you make >> right >> it's just 10 bucks a delivery >> no uh there are 30 40 rupees as of now and uh uh in cycle it is different and uh you get mean customers sometimes some uh book it accidentally eco and you get a little extra money but imagine your food arriving cold you'll leave reviews and there are scams in swiggies also where uh customers take the order they uh you know go on and blame the delivery agent stating that one of the item is
(1:04:27) missing >> these are scams the customers do Yeah, a lot of the customers do it. Uh because even uh Uber people misuse it. Uber and Porter are two different applications, right? Uh Porter is used for transporting uh goods and in passenger auto uh if you go to a particular place uh some customers, you know, they'll load all the luggage as and ask you to uh unload it in a particular place, they'll pay you the exact amount probably 10 rupees.
(1:04:54) I had put out a video in the initial stage. people will find ways to cheat uh manipulate and uh change things benefit in their ways. Where are bounce vehicles these days? You remember the bounce thingy? >> Yeah, >> they're all out now. >> Yeah, that's how it was. >> Some of it I think they're being used by Infinity or something like that.
(1:05:17) >> I don't know, but I see those helmets, people whacking those helmets. So the auto thing happened because of >> uh uh uh this is a small story behind it. uh and I was I knew that you know just by doing the cycle thingy it will not uh fade me because I was uh even after quitting that gym I was looking for a place to train and uh I was doing open gym uh and understood it will not be long >> that I will be again back in the same uh loop where I'll go back home again 6 months I'll be traumatized again I'll go back into the loop I felt that so I had
(1:05:59) to be independent. I got the auto because I uh also had uh run autos for rent. >> 300 to 400 rupees you would get autos for hire. >> You can rent an auto. >> I did that on a trial run uh from various people. I've uh hired autos and there I was able to see the difference uh you know in money that I was making here.
(1:06:30) I could afford my protein plus my gym fees and one part that I left out here is also a dance part where uh you know in the 6 months itself like as I joined martial arts I also love dancing when I was a kid. So that is also something I'm pursuing. I'm taking classes even now uh 3 days a week I go I take up dance that is a form of workout for now.
(1:06:56) Uh partially uh I've stopped martial arts but I'll get back to it with full >> why have you stopped? >> Uh I was thinking of uh have you heard of Bangalore MMA? >> Uh Rajar Rajeshwar it's somewhere there. I'm going probably joining them. Money is a thing that I have to sort and off late I've been getting a few shoots so I'm not that uh available.
(1:07:19) I never know like uh I have a another shoot that I'll be going to Vira Pit in the next three or four days. >> An influencer. >> Yeah. Uh Bajun Bajun is a guy uh he's pretty popular. He has a lot of fan following. Uh he has a retreat. So he's calling me there. Um going there for two or three nights. It's fun. >> Planning on taking my daughter too.
(1:07:40) We'll see how that works. So after running the auto for a in uh after hiring autos and using them for a few days, I kind of understood I can make better money uh afford my protein and also if my daughter asks for honey cake or a lollipop, I'd be able to afford it. >> How much money do you make in a day as an >> uh as of now I make 4 500 in the auto.
(1:08:00) That is enough sustainable >> the profit right? What what is left out? I don't have anything else like uh it's an electric auto so uh yeah it is fine I just have to charge it and run it around. So yeah >> how much did you pick it up for? >> 3.4 uh again on loan and I uh pay around 8,500. >> So would you suggest that as an investment for people >> looking No, no, no. Don't take that.
(1:08:29) You know why? Because uh when I went viral a lot of people started commenting that I'm going to quit whatever I'm doing. I'll buy an auto. In fact, uh a few people did tell me that they bought an auto and one of them came back to me stating that I want to sell it because uh people looking at me in the internet will not know the kind of uh things that I have been through and uh why I sat on the auto and did ride it the whole day.
(1:08:55) Trust me, I've uh been driving an auto uh for almost uh 6 months now. That's it. Six, seven months, not more than that. And in that time uh the highest money that I've made in a day is 1,700 to,800 bucks. Okay. >> This is through your uh >> apps >> apps aggregator >> apps uh and some on the streets some stop you so you pick them up.
(1:09:21) All of that included highest amount and 1,800 rupees is uh probably not okay to a lot of people and they're putting in double the shift. Understand that? >> Mhm. half an hour. Let's say from here if there's a shopping mall uh if you have to go shopping uh in traffic uh 10-minute distance would take half an hour.
(1:09:46) Wouldn't you be pissed after you I mean before reaching the destination if you're stuck in traffic >> an auto driver will have to make traffic as home. >> Absolutely. >> Yeah. So that's not something that people will not see. So they can't handle it. One person handling the traffic stress. That's the biggest hurdle to cross. >> No, no, no.
(1:10:05) There are people sitting behind you. Uh they'll not respect you. >> This episode's desert partner is Polar Bear. Polar Bear, the ice cream Sunday zone. Polar Bear is now present in 160 outlets, 30 cities, and in five states. If you are a vegetarian, that 100% vegetarian, Polar Bear is for you. The menu has 40 plus ice cream sundaes, and all the ice creams are made from pure milk.
(1:10:29) What are you waiting for? visit and keep sharing the Sunday love. >> Uh okay. There's no differentiation between the class of labor is what people say. >> Mhm. >> Okay. When it comes to castism, when it comes to religion, we always divide. When it comes to work, we also divide. >> Do you believe in timing? Do you believe in karma? Now, >> absolutely.
(1:10:53) >> Because all of this, right? They say now there's a right time for it. Like when you have spent the time suffering the only then the help comes in. >> A lot of them will not know what their actual purpose is. Okay. At that time focus on yourself. Okay. When you focus on yourself uh some people will be uh very deeply hurt or very deep in this uh abuse.
(1:11:19) They'll not know what they like. Also a strong man uh is someone who knows what his powers are, will not get uh agitated easily, would not lose his cool, would not raise his voice, is a calm man. There's the stage of love bombing. Okay, the first stage of a narcissistic abuse is love bombing.
(1:11:44) And love bombing is where your partner is pretending to be everything you want them to be.