Does Others Approval Matter? || Acharya Prashant

Does Others Approval Matter? || Acharya Prashant

Author Name:Shakti

Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@AP_Shakti_English

Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWNOYPYVR-A



Transcript:
(00:00) Whatever a woman does, >> [music] >> her choices, whether it's about her career, whether it's about her clothes, her makeup, anything, [music] it's all criticized. So, at some point it affects her. So, why is that woman are labeled so often and how can one rise above this labels? >> To the entire world I'll beg.
(00:17) Please tell me how do I behave? What are my limits? How do I speak? How do I marry? How do I eat? How do I walk? How do I dress up? Why does that happen in the first place? That happens because real problem is not that others are judgemental or that others unfairly criticize you. The real problem is that you are Please understand, there are no free lunches.
(00:42) If you are dependent on someone, whether physically, financially, [music] emotionally, or psychologically, there will be a price to pay. >> Good afternoon. My name is Sobia Sheikh and my question is that woman are often labeled. Right? For example, if she dresses up or she wears makeup, then she is judged unfairly and they don't understand her individuality.
(01:08) So, why is that woman are labeled so often and how can one rise above this labels? >> You see, when you are saying that uh women are labeled. You're talking of others. Right? So, there is somebody other out there who's labeling the woman. Right? >> Yeah. >> And the woman is now at least slightly concerned or disturbed. And that's why she's raising this question.
(01:46) Right? Right? >> Because uh whatever a woman does, her choices, whether it's about her career, whether it's about her clothes, her makeup, anything, it's all criticized. So, at some point it affects her. >> Right. So, labeled by others, criticized by others, and you now rightly put your finger on the woman's inner condition.
(02:13) You said it affects her. So, probably that is the central issue and the central weakness that enables and emboldens others to pass judgments and psychologically and physically dominate her since centuries. Are you getting it? I mean, if the woman or any person, irrespective of gender, really understands herself and therefore her choices, why would there be a need to be affected
(03:00) by others? Then the very basis of this question, hm? would become needless. You see, I'm a person, right? And if I am very sure of who I am and where my choices and actions are coming from, then do I need to bother what this person or that person is saying about me? Do I need to bother? But we bother, don't we? As human beings, as women, we find ourselves bothered, disturbed, right? With the need to be validated.
(03:45) And probably there lies the real issue. Why is there a need to be validated? Why is there a need to seek sanctions from others? And as long as that need exists, a weakness would exist because if you look to others to grant their sanctions, others can withhold it. And by withholding their sanction, they gain a handle over you.
(04:18) They gain power over you. So, the real problem is not that others are judgemental or that others unfairly criticize you. The real problem is that you are affected by their judgement or criticism. And I'll correct myself here, even that is not the real problem. Because the need to look to others to have an assessment of oneself arises only in the absence of self-knowledge.
(04:52) When I do not know myself, then I'll have no option but to gather my image from others, right? I do not know who I am. I do not know why I should hold this mic. I do not know why I should wear these shoes. I do not know why I should be present here at all or why I should wear this stuff. I do not know. So, what will I do then? I'll ask all and sundry, "Sir, do you approve of this? Ma'am, what do you think of this? Or should I be sitting here?" To the entire world I'll beg, "Please tell me how do I behave? What are my
(05:29) limits? How do I speak? How do I marry? How do I eat? How do I walk? How do I dress up?" Why does that happen in the first place? That happens because I do not know who I am. Because I have borrowed my sense of self from history, tradition, society. I have not looked afresh at myself originally. And when I do not look afresh at myself, I lean on external knowledge and the current of tradition.
(06:03) Then the result will be that I would be walking on social external crutches. And that's what the others exploit to the hilt. Please understand, there are no free lunches. If you are dependent on someone, whether physically, financially, emotionally, or psychologically, there will be a price to pay. And women have been taught that dependence is probably all right.
(06:34) In fact, dependence has been glorified. And if you will depend, then you will find yourself helpless. Bluntly put, at the mercy of others. Huh? So, a very superficial example would be you think you have dressed up rightly. And you approach the other for validation, and he says, "Ah, what crap." And you'll be devastated for something as trivial as clothing, something as trivial as that, because the other didn't approve of it.
(07:10) And if such an impact can occur in such a trivial matter, think of the deeper things of life. Whether to pursue higher education. Whether to think independently. Whether to proceed in such a such way in terms of career. Whether to relocate for the sake of work. When and whether marry, when and whether to have kids, all these things you'll find yourself dependent on others.
(07:54) And it is it is it is not a good condition. I'm I'm saying that very mildly. I should rather say it's a pathetic condition. If for such intimate things in life, you have to borrow approval from others, then then then I need to be, you know, cautious. I need to be alerted. I need to tell myself, "No, no, no, no, no.
(08:21) I'm a I'm a human being fully capable, fully mature, and there's a certain dignity to uphold." Hm? And there is there is something so intimate to all of us that no external party should be allowed to encroach or touch upon. Right? There is a certain sacredness within. Doesn't matter, man, woman, whatever. There has to be a spot within that nobody should be allowed to violate, enter, touch, spoil.
(08:52) Hm? That inner sanctity, that inner sacredness is what is called as the self, the true self, the pure self. Right? But but but what what we have been brought up as, and even educated to be, is creatures of dependence. Depend on this, depend on that, depend on that. There are certain, you know, books, in fact, books of social conduct, that have explicitly said that a woman should never be independent.
(09:35) As a kid, she should be dependent on the father. Later on the husband. And when she grows old, then she should be dependent on the son. Now, think of the kind of distortion this would bring to the collective mind of humanity. Right? Dependence becomes a way of life. Have you ever wondered you talked of dressing up or makeup? Have you ever wondered why so many poems have been written praising the beauty of women in particular?
(10:21) As if the other gender is totally deprived of beauty. No, I too can feel hurt, you know? Now, why have so many poems been composed specifically for women? Think of it. Go into it deeply. Do we really know what beauty is? Do we have an original conception of beauty, really original, authentic, ingrown, ingrown, heartfelt? Had we known that as women, had we known that, then we wouldn't have needed somebody else to pamper us with their words, flowers and rainbows?
(11:10) But the men very well know that the woman can be flattered. Why? Because she has been distorted to the extent that she does not quite originally know what beauty is. So, we will tell her you are beautiful. And in telling her that she is beautiful, we'll make her dependent on us, right? Because today she'll gloat.
(11:34) Ah, somebody came and told me, "Ah, you're gorgeous." Now, the same fellow has been given the power to return to you and say, "You're looking ugly." And you'll find yourself shattered. Because if he can inflate you with his praise, he can deflate you with his condemnation or a or a or a simple act of inattention.
(12:06) Right? You pass by. The fellow didn't even care to throw a glance. And you find your mood is spoiled. Why? Why isn't our self-worth innate? Why do we have to look at others? Why should those poems succeed in in flattering us? Why should the the women's apparel market be booming like this? Why should 70% of the world's cosmetics be consumed by women? Please understand.
(12:42) This is one area, one of the few areas in which women dominate. 97% of world's cosmetics are consumed by women. Men consume only 3%. Why? Not that consuming cosmetics is a problem. Not in itself, but it is a problem when it is done to please somebody else. When it is done to please somebody else, then probably there is a problem.
(13:14) Uh, you need to find out for yourself. I'm nobody to tell you. Are you getting it? And then it becomes a sort of joke with men. They say, you know, these these these creatures, they don't even talk of the gender. They say this is species as if it's a, you know, understand the joke. This is species. Is overly sensitive, so be mindful.
(13:48) Be mindful where you're stepping because some random casual innocuous remark can offend them. Now, why should one be offended easily if at all? Because one wanted a certain appreciation or approval from the other. And if one does not get it, one finds herself very vulnerable. Oh my god. Even a casual remark will hurt you.
(14:20) Even the casual absence of a remark can hurt you. I took 2 hours to dress up. And he said nothing. And he said nothing. And he might even not know that he has offended you. And the entire day then you are sulking. And the fellow is wondering what have I done? The thing is you have not done anything. And that's the reason why there is a problem. You should have done something.
(14:54) No, no, I know it sounds funny, but it really is not. Yes, it is funny. I too will want to take it as a joke, but the reality is this is not a joke. This is at the root of all our bondage. Getting it? Just download the Acharya Prashant app and there you go to the community section and you have live testimonials [music] streaming in at the rate of one every five minutes.
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