Author Name:Lovers by Shan
Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@loversbyshan
Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2Pj2rTHLyk
ఇది వీడియోలో చెప్పిన ముఖ్యమైన takeaways ను సింపుల్గా తెలుగు లో ఇస్తున్నాను:
### ప్రధాన భావాలు
- **కామసూత్రం అంటే కేవలం positions కాదు**
ఇది శరీర సంబంధం మాత్రమే కాదు, మనసు, భావాలు, సెన్సెస్ అన్నిటినీ కలిపే కళ. ప్రేమను ఒక కళగా చూడాలి.
- **ప్రతి కదలిక ఒక choreography లాంటిది**
సెక్స్లో హడావిడి కాదు, నెమ్మదిగా, రిథమ్తో, అవగాహనతో కదలాలి.
- **మహిళ ఆనందం కేంద్రంగా ఉండాలి**
చాలామంది మహిళలు తమ pleasure గురించి guilt ఫీలవుతారు. కానీ కామసూత్రం ప్రకారం, మహిళ ఆనందం equally important.
- **"పై ఉండే మహిళ" (Woman on top) position లో సీక్రెట్**
bounce అవ్వడం కాదు, forward-back, circular movements చేయాలి. ఇది ఎక్కువ control & pleasure ఇస్తుంది.
- **జువెలరీ (ఆభరణాలు) ఒక guide గా ఉపయోగించారు**
- waist chain లో bells → శబ్దం రాకుండా కదలడం = సరైన movement
- long earrings → swing ద్వారా rhythm తెలుసుకోవడం
అంటే body ఎలా move అవ్వాలో ancient techniques ఉన్నాయి.
- **సెక్స్ = అందమైన అనుభవం, అసభ్యం కాదు**
ఒక మహిళతో intimacy తర్వాత ఆమెను “dirty” గా చూడటం తప్పు. ఇది పవిత్రమైన, అందమైన అనుభవంగా చూడాలి.
- **Foreplay చాలా ముఖ్యమైనది**
ఉదాహరణకు:
- partner ను draw చేయడం (art form గా)
- perfume trail పెట్టడం (sensory play)
- touch లేకుండా tease చేయడం
ఇవన్నీ connection పెంచుతాయి.
- **సెక్స్ linear కాదు**
ఇది start → finish అనే process కాదు. మధ్యలో pauses, changes, slow moments ఉండొచ్చు. అదే natural.
- **Sensual vs Sexual**
sexual కాకపోయినా sensual గా ఉండవచ్చు (touch, smell, movement). ఇదే intimacy ను deep చేస్తుంది.
- **Preparation కూడా ముఖ్యమే**
సెక్స్ని ఒక special event లాగా treat చేయాలి:
- body preparation
- mood
- environment
ఇది మొత్తం experience ను elevate చేస్తుంది.
- **జంటల మధ్య secret language ఉండాలి**
తమకే అర్థమయ్యే మాటలు, signals ఉంటే intimacy ఇంకా strong అవుతుంది.
- **Pleasure = Energy (Shakti)**
ప్రాచీన భారతంలో pleasure ను ఒక శక్తిగా చూశారు. ఇది మనలో జీవాన్ని మేల్కొలుపుతుంది.
- **Modern liberation కొత్తది కాదు**
మనం కొత్తగా ఏమీ కనిపెట్టడం లేదు. మన పూర్వీకులు ఇప్పటికే ఈ జ్ఞానం ఇచ్చారు — మనం మళ్లీ గుర్తు చేసుకుంటున్నాం.
***
### చిన్న ఉదాహరణ
ఒక మహిళ పై position లో ఉన్నప్పుడు:
- bounce కాకుండా slow గా circular గా move అవ్వాలి
- waist chain bells silent గా ఉంచాలి
- earrings swing ద్వారా rhythm తెలుసుకోవాలి
ఇది pleasure ని పెంచుతుంది + control ఇస్తుంది.
***
Transcript:
(00:00) The Kamsutra talks about how every movement is supposed to be like choreography. This week on lover is by Shan Shimana. Ancient India has always thought of pleasure as an awakening of the senses as a shaky as an energy. You know most of us get thrown in the deep end. If you're lucky you have a partner who's as into you as you are into them.
(00:24) But nobody really teaches you. when you're on top, when you're in the giving position as a woman, you needed two pieces of jewelry for this. You needed the waist chain with lots and lots of bells on it because sometimes it can feel like sexual liberation is this modern thing. We're not discovering liberation. We're uncovering history.
(00:43) Now, when I talk about my reference of knowledge, it encompasses 2,000 years. If you have sex with a woman and afterwards you look at her as dirty, the next place you should look is your own hands. You don't have a choice except to look at it as beautiful. If you see somebody coming with this jewelry, get ready.
(01:03) [Music] Our guest today is the most popular sex expert worldwide, Sema Onend. Sema and I have been following each other for years, but we only met in 2023 right here on Lovers when I made this manifestation. Our jewelry line coming out in 2024. I'm just going to say that right now cuz that's a genius idea. And now I am very proud to share that this episode is sponsored by Kama, a jewelry line inspired by the Kama Sutra created by Sema Anand and myself.
(01:34) Lovingly designed and distributed by the jewelry line Surmi. Right now everything including the brand new spine chain is back in stock. So head to surmmy.com/a. When I think about you and me, I feel like we have a secret romance in my mind. It's like I feel so strongly towards you and I've never met you in real life. So, I know.
(02:00) Isn't that just amazing? We've never actually met, but yeah, we do have a secret romance. I think somewhere there there is an understanding of what I spoke about that you have that nobody else in the universe has. Have you ever had a queer experience before? Yes. Do tell. Um my very first experience was queer.
(02:24) I think most of us start out like that, right? So I think my very first exploration was with who? Somebody who was at that point my best friend. I was very young. Um maybe 12, that kind of age group. And I know that it wasn't like we didn't really go down on each other because we were still quite young. We hadn't quite got to that point.
(02:44) But, you know, it's just the memory of that entire time that I still have in my head. I still use that memory. So, long story short, you're saying there's a chance for you and I. Yes. Yes. Yes. Let me do this properly. I have to sit. Yes. Yes. Yes. So, I love that that was your experience and that actually makes so much sense as to why you are the patron saint of pleasure.
(03:17) Many women who started off uh with women as their first sexual partners experience less shame around their pleasure. I think a lot of people who started off having sex with women to begin with or sexual experiences with women have a different story in their mind that this is for me, this is about me and that my pleasure should be front and center.
(03:37) I think that's the perfect segue to talk about something so special to my heart. Something that was born out of this exact environment um which is karma. And the gift of kama that you have brought into my life has just been multi-dimensional, multiffold, multiensory. it has really applied to every area of my life because, you know, not only did you reinvite me back to the Kama Sutra, a book that I thought was trashy and westernized and misogynistic, um, which I think are words that are exactly the opposite of what it truly is. So, not only have you brought me
(04:13) back to it in terms of my work as a sex educator, but just as somebody who pursues a life of of pleasure, of passion, of prosperity, and of giving back to others. So for people who are not familiar with the Kama Sutra or are familiar just by the ways of that comma headline 79 Kama Sutra positions you have to try this spring.
(04:36) Um what is the Kama Sutra about? So the Kamasutra is a text that was written in about the 4th century 300 something AD. It was written as a book for men, men of pleasure, sorry, men of leisure and men of wealth. And the book was written in seven sections. And it was ideally written to teach men how to um live their best life.
(05:05) So it's very much about their uh their their life, their sensory experiences. It's not, it doesn't have anything to do with how they earn their money or how they um interact socially with other things. It's very much about their personal sensory experiences. And um one of the interesting little things it says is that on the window sill of every room, potentially every room, there would be drawing materials.
(05:36) Because one of the most important things in foreplay was that you would make a drawing of your partner. You would sort of have that time where you had one-on-one eye to eye time where you would actually draw out that person in the way that you saw them. So all men, men and women, but all men particularly men of refinement, men of wealth were taught how to draw.
(06:02) That was a very important skill that they had to learn. I think that the whole thing is giving men's soft life era. I love the fact that it was extremely literal and to take love making seriously means to take your artistic expression very seriously. Absolutely. It does say that a man who is well-versed in the arts is the most desirable lover of all.
(06:22) You have to remember that this is the time when we're talking about a courtly society. So all the men that are likely to be in this society are all wealthy and famous and powerful and so on. So what made one more special than the other? It was all about what made you be picked. And I think it's fantastic that you know here is a time when men were being taught that they had to make themselves worthy of being picked.
(06:48) You know, I think that's really special. Anyway, so that is section one. Section two of the Kamasutra is where we're going to be talking a little bit more about it because section two is about the arts of pleasure. And this bit was actually written for both men and women because um it was important that everybody understood how to be with their partner.
(07:09) I love that you gave that story because I feel like that is the exact experience I had when you told me about the jewelry 2 years ago now. And at that time I had just given birth to my second daughter and I felt alien in my sexuality. I tell this story of we had this mirror installed in our bedroom and it was just a functional installation of a mirror and when um the person who put it in they made a joke in front of other people about like oh well I know what this mirror means or some kind of sexual reference and it deeply embarrassed me
(07:43) and that was my first time realizing that the idea of people thinking of me having sex felt uncomfortable for me because I felt uncomfortable with my own sexuality. I think after having a second kid and not just the way that my body changed but the way that I had changed as a woman I hadn't really found a way to delight or invite myself into my own sexuality into my own comfort zone with that and the experience the decadent experience of being a sexual woman and being looked at as such.
(08:12) So the jewelry for me provided a pathway to start treating myself differently, seeing myself differently, and then they they felt not just like instructions on how to be a better lover, which we'll get into. Um, but they felt like instructions on how to see me for my partner, like see me as a goddess, see me as ethereal, see me as a queen.
(08:36) Like, because that's how I now want to enter the bedroom. I don't want to be seen as a young girl with super high tits. You know what I mean? Like who's screaming and making these sounds or I don't want to feel and be seen as if I'm trying to compete with my younger self. I want to be decorated with the wisdom, with the experiences that I now have.
(08:53) And what better way to represent that than with beautiful jewels. So, thank you for giving that to me. And I was so passionate about when you said that that I said, Sema, have you done something with this? have you turned this into a business? Have you started thinking about this? Like what are you going to do with this? And um that that was the end of our Zoom conversation two years ago.
(09:16) And fast forward, here we are in 2025 and now we've got it all. We've got it all. We've got it all. And I was just lifting up my one to sort of just feel against my skin just because it they're just so beautiful. And I have to say, Sean, that you've been the actual driving force behind this because for me it was such a beautiful concept.
(09:42) It was very I was very happy to keep it in my head as a concept because it just it just lived over there and it was gorgeous and there's nobody else that could understand what I meant when I talked about this and you did. So, I just want to thank you for walking into my life when you did. But also, you know, when you just said for a moment that you you want to be seen now as this um as this goddess and how brilliant you feel with it because when you feel ornamented, I always feel that when when you show up with this jewelry for
(10:16) yourself, for your lover, for for the love making, it's not really that you're being seen. It's almost as though you're being revealed. Do you know what I mean? like it feels like yes there there is a sort of it's almost like a staging of it um you know I realize that everything is so connected so the kamsutra talks about how for instance you know every movement is supposed to be like choreography I was wondering if we could go piece by piece through the different there's five different beautiful options pieces of jewelry that
(10:56) we've given for people. So where do you want to start? So I think that we have to start with the waist belt, the the jingling girdle which is worn for when you are on top as the woman and that's where my journey started. It started with the jingling girdle and I think that's where our conversation started as well.
(11:14) So I think we have to go with that. And interestingly somebody actually wrote to me the other day saying that um she wants to make her sex life a little bit more exciting. At the moment, all she's ever doing is the missionary position, and she wants to be in the giving position, meaning on top. But that she's running out of stamina from all the bouncing up and down.
(11:34) She finds it really, really hard. Makes her want to stop in the middle, and it's doing um it's just doing her a disservice because then she suddenly doesn't want to be doing this anymore. And I thought, "Oh my god, enter the waist chain as we know." Yes. I mean, porn has done nobody any favors by making people think that you have to bounce up and down because that's what looks good for their camera.
(12:00) And as we know the uh when you're on top, when you're in the giving position as a woman, what we need to do, Sean, tell us where do we have to go back and back and forth and slightly round and round, right? The the the bottom going slightly round and round. And so you needed two pieces of jewelry for this.
(12:20) You needed the waist chain with lots and lots of bells on it because when you actually put it on, the idea was you got your movement right by making sure that the bells did not make a sound. And I think that is just it's genius. It's so simple, but it's genius that you no longer have to worry about whether you're bouncing, what am I doing? You know that all you have to do is concentrate on the bells not making a sound.
(12:50) And so you learn how to move your body for a very specific idea. And you paired this up with the long earrings. Are you wearing your long earrings? Yes, I am wearing my long earrings. Oh, there you go. Okay. So, the long earrings were really, really important because when you lean forward, when you're on top and you're going to move back and forth, you have to lean slightly forward.
(13:11) So your arms would be straight, your hands would be resting on your partner's shoulders, maybe on the bed on either side, maybe on their chest. But how far forward do you lean? And these earrings, the long earrings, u which as you know we have created very very carefully by understanding the weight and the the kind of movement that they have.
(13:33) You basically bend your head forward so that your earring was in the middle of your cheek or it fell across your cheek. And then the idea was to get it to swing. And when you got that swing right, which was grazing against your cheek, you knew that you'd got the pace of your thrusting. I mean, if I hopped up on this counter, which I might do in a second, um, I think that is a beautiful and it is I mean, I have worn this jewelry while making love and you do feel the swing.
(14:02) I actually do the jingling girdle which is the waist belt which I want to back up and say that this line is done in collaboration with Surmi and Manosvi who is the genius of Surmi uh really just took the conversations we had listened to our podcast listened to all the work that you have done on the Kama Sutra and then interpreted it in her unique way of bringing Kama to life and uh we'll talk about the choker next which of course is such a To me, all texts need to be updated and expanded on.
(14:34) And I really do feel like we presented a very female forward version of what the Kama Sutra is. Taking the beautiful gems, the empowerment and the wisdom and then expanding on that in a modern way to make sure that women did feel decorated, seen, and inspired by it. But I love um with the girdle in particular because originally it wasn't supposed to make it into the line and you and I were like the jingling girdle has to be there.
(15:00) The jingling it has to be there because I mean it is essential to life not just to their lives. Majority of women who do orgasm from penetration alone are going to experience that while being on top. So of course there has to be a piece of jewelry that one celebrates that and two gives them instructions on how to find their pleasure and ride themselves into ecstasy.
(15:24) Do you know what is absolutely amazing about the jingling girdle that Manasi created? Waist belts have so much more vocabulary to them. It was sort of that line of definition, wasn't it? It's that line which you could be like okay this is the line that you don't cross. This is the bit where you can go up to here.
(15:48) You can trace that line but you can't go beyond that. So it was definition, it was intention, it was guidance, it was all manner of things. Uh but more than that it was just the absolute exquisite beauty of ornamenting yourself so that you feel good and then also having this as a guide which tells you exactly how to move. I mean, how ex how absolutely exquisite is that, right? And I love the translation of because in western society, we call that position cowgirl, which what does a cowgirl do? She Yeah, she going to bounce and go crazy and have her hand in the air and
(16:25) be jiggling everywhere. But the translation in the Kama Sutra is the woman above. And I feel like that is so much more decadent and sophisticated. And the woman above, right, she sits above on her throne. And what does she do? She doesn't thrash about. She doesn't She is slow, methodical, and intentional.
(16:46) And that is what this move is really uh calling you to do. It's really calling you to find your rhythm, find your flow, and sit in it um as the woman above. So, I really loved that interpretation of it. The first time I read about this was when my entire life had lit up. I mean, honestly, it was like that changed my life. I can remember the day that I read it.
(17:06) I I can actually remember what it did to my brain and I was like, "Okay, if somebody else out there could think of the pleasure of a woman with such detail and such exquisitness, where why are we falling behind?" Yes. What I would love the story that you told about your friend who was like, "Well, once you have this jewelry on, aren't you pigeonholding yourself to a certain position? You wear everything at once.
(17:34) " Um, when I have worn the jewelry, I wore everything all at once. And not that we have to get to every position, but it decorates a different part of your body. To your point, the lines, they create focal points. They create areas of intentionality. And then it's like choose your own adventure. But also keeping in mind, like you said, that the to me the belt and the earrings are what go together.
(17:56) So the other position that you can use specifically with the earrings I think which really facilitates the lean forward is riding a tree which I prefer that to reverse cowgirl too. And riding a tree is just being on top of your partner uh who has a strap on or who has a penis but in reverse. And in order to get that swing that you were talking about it's putting your hands forward maybe on their thighs or maybe on their ankles.
(18:19) I'm going to try to see if I can do it right now. Let's see if I can get it. All right. So, if I'm in the position like this and then my hands are forward and then I'm positioning my pelvis forward so that my clitoris is rubbing against my partner and if they can put a hand underneath it if I'm going backwards or maybe I have my own hand and I have a toy there but it's positioning that clitoris downwards and then grinding back and forth.
(18:41) There we go. We get a little swing going. Right. Absolutely. There you go. And that's how it should be, right? I mean, I was just thinking how absolutely beautiful and just how how calm and like collected you looked over there rather than that. If if you're actually thinking of making this beautiful or making it feel special, I think that so many of us kind of lose that idea of the specialness of it.
(19:10) I think just having grown up with this whole narrative of sex being dirty or sex being bad or pleasure is just for the fast girls or you know all these other little things that you're told and actually turning it onto its head where you're given a vocabulary which can make you explore this with this much depth where you you don't have a choice except to look at it as beautiful.
(19:31) There's a quote that I read recently that said, "If you have sex with a woman and afterwards you look at her as dirty, the next place you should look is your own hands." So, the idea that you have no choice but to see her as beautiful, but to see her as sacred and heck, let's even say to see her as holy. Uh, I love that we are making that the only option because that is the only truth.
(19:57) Yeah, absolutely. And it shouldn't be any other way. I mean, certainly in certain cultures, you know, this whole idea of um being told, okay, this woman is girlfriend material and this woman is wife material. So, you're already kind of segregating the fact that this is the woman I'm turned on by. This is the one I find really exciting.
(20:17) This is the one I want to be with, but oh no, she's girlfriend material. Now when I go and actually find me a wife, she's somebody who should be able to be the mother of my children, look after my parents, look after me, be good enough to be on my arm so that when I take her out, you know, she's the mistress of my house.
(20:34) And in doing so, you're sanitizing any feelings that you have for her. Like you've literally now removed this idea that how you can feel with your girlfriend or your mistress, you know, that that excitement, that pure pleasure. You cannot feel that. you you're not allowed to feel that for your wife and you I mean which is why we have so many people ending up in sexless marriages because they don't feel anything for their partner and it just becomes one of those things that you do as a duty and then you don't want to do anymore
(21:06) and just the idea that you could turn that on its head so it's not something dirty that you're doing to them but it's something beautiful and you're actually participating in a sacred ritual almost I just feel that it's that's what's going to make the difference. I agree with that.
(21:23) Uh you already have the five string necklace in your hand, so that's where we're going next. So, take me there. So, okay. Now, this one is a very, very special piece of jewelry. Now, the idea being that if you were going to be the sitting position, which in tantra is um very special position because nobody's on top, nobody's underneath, nobody's giving or receiving. It's all equal.
(21:49) So you actually come together seated face to face. The kamsutra which again it writes in metaphor but what it says is that if you are an urbane sophisticated woman you understand that once you've penetrated you lean back moving enough to give your partner a little tiny glimpse of your beautiful breasts behind.
(22:13) you know, warming the skin with the jewelry behind just tracing lines of that and that actually gave you just the right kind of pleasure as well because what happens is the Kamsutra says that one of the best kind of thrusts that you can get is the one that would go round and round inside you. Yes, I do think it's one step better.
(22:35) And again, it's the it's the duality of it. You can also use this because it has a chain at the back. Um, so you can use it to layer one more time to your point because you can have six strings or seven strings. I love five because like you said in the lotus position or when you're sitting face to face with your partner, the imagery of five is two legs, two arms and a head like being completely wrapped around each other, being completely wrapped up in each other, in each other's world.
(23:06) So, I feel like when you're up close together, the five string reminds you to really connect with your partner. I also love being face to face with your partner in that position and then sitting back like you said and then now feeling like look at me, right? Like that's it. Like look at me in all of my glory and then I'm going to move in such a way so that this is going to graze back and forth, which of course, you know, is really great for that G-zone area, but it's also really nice for nipple play.
(23:31) And then when you're really flush to your partner wearing this chain, if you can do it in such a way that you rub up against their nipples with the chain, that can be really pleasurable, too. What I absolutely loved about what Manasi did, which we didn't really think was going to happen, is the back chain. Do you want to jump in with the back chain? So, what I love about the back chain is the length of it and also the fact that I think I have it in my drawer here.
(23:56) A part of this as well too is about the preparation of love making. Um, when you're preparing for something special, be that a special dinner or an event. You take your time. You think methodically about these things, you think about every sensory experience, right? The visuals, the smells, the sounds.
(24:13) You want it to be something where people feel welcome. And more than anything else, you want it to be clear how you feel about yourself. So, you can take the time to put perfume along different parts of the spine. And can you tell them why? Yeah. Because one of the most exciting ideas about perfuming was um on the back which is a largeish area.
(24:35) You actually did not perfume the entire back. You made little dots. You literally perfumed yourself with little tiny dots because you created a trail for your partner to follow. So it was almost like a treasure hunt as you kind of created this trail of dots of perfume. find the next bit where the fragrance is and so on. It is so it is absolutely so sexy because like you said you actually have it on the chain which means and if it's dangling down you can travel up and down that chain.
(25:07) But I think for me it's also just how it feels when it swings against my back because there's something so tactile about it. you know, that lovely little cold feel of the metal which as it sits against your skin, it warms up, but it's just a oh my god that just looks so beautiful when you do that.
(25:31) This is like you said, it's the theater of this. It's sensory theater. Your partner is now looking at this whole performance of the jewelry on your body. It's it's just that it's giving you something more. It's adding to it. And I always think it's not like, you know, when you when you dress up and you go and you were just saying that a while ago, you you dress up, you prepare for it like you would for a dinner party or whatever.
(25:59) Um, just imagine you've gone in there with all of this and it's not just saying, "I want to make love to you." You're saying, "I've come prepared to make love to you." Yes. I really think that if you see somebody coming with this jewelry, get ready. I hope you stretched that day. I hope you drank water because they're about to put the work in on you.
(26:21) This like this woman knows what she is doing. I actually want to share my favorite position with the five string necklace. Um and that is the congress of cow which is doggy style. But, uh, in that position where you're, you know, leaning forward, your hands are on the bed, your partner is from the back either penetrating or having a little snack eating groceries.
(26:44) This is totally and it's very educational. I love it for that because you get the sensual swing. You get it hitting against your body. So, again, reminding you that you're there. It creates a rhythm, which is a big part of the jewelry, too, right? It's finding your rhythm and staying with it and giving you that focal point.
(27:01) But what I love about that position more than anything else is how gorgeous it is from the back. Um, and it sits right here all along the spine. So, I really knew that my husband Jared was into the jewelry when I had the five string on. So, I put everything on. I came to bed the first night that I got it and he loved the spine chain.
(27:23) And so, when we were in that position and from the back, you know, as you're moving back and forth, the chain got out of place. And when I felt him take it and then put it right back in place and tuck it between the cheeks, I said, "Oh, he's into this." Oh, like I said, this is it. It It gives you something else to look at, to think of, to focus on. Yes.
(27:45) I love that too about it because it's something that you can wear during love making, but the jewelry is also designed to be worn in everyday clothes. So whether you wear it against your bare skin or a crisp white shirt, it still works. But when you're wearing it out in your everyday life, it's a it's a secret between you and your partner, right? It's a memory.
(28:03) I'm so glad you said that. Two reasons. Um, one is when I did my last book, um, I I actually wrote a chapter on the fact that the Kamsutra says that all lovers should have a secret vocabulary between them and they should actually be able to discuss little things without anybody else knowing.
(28:24) It becomes like a little private joke between you. People who have more words for nookie that that have more sort of secret words for love making between them actually have far more fun during their intimate moments because they seem to have sort of brought it they've embedded it into their subconscious. They've embedded it into their psyche into um their their leisure points as well.
(28:53) So it's not just a transactional thing. Okay, fine. We haven't had sex in 3 days. We better do it now. You know, got to do it at least twice a week with today's It's more than that. It's sort of in your mind at that point. And I think that the jewelry is that secret language. It is that secret vocabulary. Yes.
(29:12) So it gives you that vocabulary which we don't generally have. Let's face it. Where do we get our um erotic vocabulary from? From porn. from 50 Shades of Gray. Um, but I also liked what you said about the memory. So, one of the words for one of the names for karma kamdev who is the Hindu god of love and desire. He's the Indian cupid.
(29:35) One of the other names for him is sma or memory. He is love or pleasure is memory. And it is something that you very very succently and very cleverly put into words. The very first time that we did our podcast, I was saying about how how you finish is how quickly it'll bring your partner back to your bed the next time.
(30:02) And you said yes because you remember things either by the height of that event or by the way it finishes. So um there was somebody who had written in about how they want to be able to spend the time bring their partner to arousal. they do spend the time bring their partner to arousal but in doing so he has to make sure that um he doesn't think any kind of sexual thoughts at all because he says that you know in order to make sure that he doesn't come or that he doesn't suddenly kind of get beyond himself at that point he has to think of all sorts of other stuff and
(30:37) that then makes the whole act really mechanical and of course our advice is always well you know Stay within the moment. Stay present. Stay sensual. Even if you're not being sexual, try and stay sensual. But it's very easy to say those words. It's very difficult to actually do it because what on earth does that even mean when you say stay sensual? And I think that the jewelry actually is an example of how you can stay sensual, you know, when you can actually play with that jewelry.
(31:11) So for instance, if you were to take a piece of that jewelry for instance and use it as the thing that is going to connect you but also um keep the little distance between you. So, let's say if you have your your five string necklace and you use that before you put it on, you use that to actually take it off and trail it over your partner's body.
(31:41) Now, imagine not touching them with your fingers, actually using this to trail it. And it's lovely and cool, right? Because it's metal and it warms up as it goes along. It's almost like temperature play. But imagine using this. So you are now touching them but not touching them. They're now getting to that point where they're waiting for your finger to touch them.
(32:04) So they're yearning for your touch. There is that whole sort of need to be connected but also to keep that distance. And I just feel that we need to be teaching people how to use this jewelry for so much more of their pleasure play than simply just, you know, most of us get thrown in the deep end. If you're lucky, you have a partner who's as into you as you are into them.
(32:35) They're as into mutual pleasure and you explore together. But nobody really teaches you. I mean, these are things that you only learn from being taught. So, with um I was telling you that we didn't do any work on men's jewelry this time, which we will next time, but one of the things that men would always wear is um a garland of fresh flowers.
(32:55) So, that was their daily ornamentation. And you wore different types of flowers for different occasions. So, you would have a different type of garland for your love making. Now, imagine using that garland. You put that garland in between you on your lips so that you're touching but you're not touching. That kiss is imminent but you're not actually touching.
(33:20) Now I think that that really builds it up. You asked me we started the conversation about my queer experience. I tell you what, um, one of my most exciting dates that I can remember is, this is 42 years ago, I was still in college, so it's a very long time ago, but it's still so fresh in my head, was just this guy sitting next to me, really, really close.
(33:47) So, I could feel his breath on me, but not touching. And every now and then, he would just lean forward and he'd rub his lower lip against mine. And that's all we did. We discussed Emanuel Khan's theory of absolutism for about three hours. The only time I didn't argue about the theory of absolutism. Um, which I don't agree with otherwise. But yeah, and then he left.
(34:10) And I still remember that and I still use that memory as well. It was just so exciting. And I think this jewelry is not just for the person who wears it. It's not just for the actual positions. It's for your partner equally and it's for foreplay equally. The sensual zone versus the sexual zone. I actually talked about this in my master class.
(34:33) And interestingly enough, at this 40-year-old age I'm at now, this was even an aha for me because again, when we think about or learn about sex from a very heteronormative perspective, it's also a very erectionbased perspective. And the idea that sex starts when the man is erect and it ends when he is flaccid.
(34:55) And in between there, you better hope that you figure things out, but if you don't, the most important thing is that your partner was satisfied. But that also translated to me of erection panic that when I'm having sex with somebody, I'm constantly checking in to see if they're still erect because if they're not, that means that the sex isn't good.
(35:13) And it was when I let go of that and started to say, "This is a erotic experience. This is a sensual and sensory experience. And things are going to eb and flow. Things will get wet, then they will get dry. Things will get hard, then they will get soft. That's how you make sex into a 4-hour experience or a 24-hour experience, right? When it even starts with just erotic messages you send each other throughout throughout the day.
(35:36) But when you desenter the erection from the sexual experience, I think everyone benefits. And to answer the question that that man wrote to you about, well, the panic he feels because he's got to maintain an erection and satisfy his partner and keep thrusting while lasting a very long time.
(35:56) It's like, yeah, why can't you take a pause, use your fingers, use a toy, whisper sexual things to your partner, still stay connected with them, give yourself a chance to cool down, maybe even to soften up, and then when you feel ready, come back to the moment. You don't have to disengage, but again, we don't have to engage in this very linear way that doesn't allow for creativity and play, exploration, the erotic, all the things that actually make sex good.
(36:24) Yeah, that is so true. Oh my god. Um, we Well, like you said, because we have a definition, right? It starts at a point, it finishes, and that's all it is. There is no other definition for sex either. That is it. It sort of um it means penetration and it starts when you're erect and finishes when your partner is flaccid.
(36:46) Again, I think that a lot of people just don't know. They're trying so hard. Imagine being told to go, "Oops, looks like our connection got a little too steamy and shortcircuited. We'll be back in the flow momentarily." That past 20 minutes of technical difficulty, I think, is the perfect metaphor for good sex because it's not linear.
(37:09) It's not always according to plan, but it's if you can get back on it and get back to it and reconnect that this can actually be an even more memorable experience. So, let's have great sex. Okay, done. Because we're starting a new lovemaking session right now, I actually think it's a great idea to begin with the choker, which to me is foreplay.
(37:31) All the other pieces that we talked about are really about positions, the core play elements of things, but the choker is foreplay. What is it to you? You're absolutely right. So, this is so this was supposed to represent the elements, the different elements of the earth, the different elements of who we are as women.
(37:50) So, uh, I was talking to you at one point about how ancient India 2,000 years ago had all these love festivals and the love festivals were not about couples getting together. It was more about the earth being brought to her pleasure because when the earth loses her pleasure, that's when things go wrong. there are avalanches and earthquakes and famines and droughts and floods and so the and you know in the west going back uh in the fourth the fifth century there are all sorts of natural catastrophes happening and in the west they say that in Europe they're
(38:25) saying that it's because of the um the Roman emperors and their unbridled lust and this is the wrath of the gods but in ancient India we believe that it wasn't the anger of the gods that brought this around This is when the earth when mother earth forgot her pleasure and so to keep the universe in balance the earth had to be reminded of her pleasure and women and the earth become interchangeable.
(38:53) So it was women who actually passed their erotic vocabulary onto the earth so that the earth could feel the sap run through her veins and she could feel the blossoms sort of jumping out onto her branches and everything would become well. And so the choker was literally that reminder of us being connected to each element to each part of us being connected to each part of the earth.
(39:23) So that the the balance that we're looking for you remember um I told you I think right in the beginning that ancient India thought of pleasure as an energy. It was a shi. It wasn't just an event that happened for a moment because you were going to get intimate with your partner. This is a shaky. It it energized your entire body. It it went through your body.
(39:43) It woke up every single part of you. The opposite of pleasure was stagnation. It was not displeasure. It was not anger. It was the fact that every part of you becomes dead. And when you wake up where every single nerve ending becomes alive, it wakes up. that was pleasure. And so this is a reminder of all the different elements and how we are a part of that element and um yeah the elements are a part of us.
(40:16) Oh my goodness, that was just a beautiful poem that you wrote to my spirit and soul and I think that this choker is my favorite to wear actually during masturbation. I like it in partnered play too in the lotus position because again it's the eye gazing and through that eye gazing you might in your peripheral see the gentle reminders of who I am uh and who I'm meant to be and how I'm meant to be treated in this moment.
(40:36) But moreover than that I think when you're self-pleasuring and you're looking at yourself in the mirror. These are powerful reminders to yourself um and to that moment. So thank you for that gift. It is all of our different energies sort of um there you know and uh again going back to the Mughal era there was a system of when they would make jewelry.
(40:58) So the jewelry on the outside would have gemstones maybe it was gold but on the underside it always had uh enamel work. It was extremely beautiful, very delicate, very intricately made enamel work and you never got to see it but it was there and it touched your skin. So there was this thing of beauty that was made just to touch your skin.
(41:21) It wasn't for the outside gaze. It was for you to feel. It was for your soul to feel. This choker kind of reminds me of that. And that's the thing I also love about what we've created too is that I think sometimes it can feel like sexual liberation is this modern thing like a modern woman is sexually liberated, a modern woman reclaims her pleasure.
(41:43) But your work um and ancient works tells us that we're not finding something new or discovering uh liberation. We're uncovering history and our ancient truths and our ancestors had these secrets they've known all along. So I just want to thank you for reminding me of that and also inspiring me to go back even into my own gy folklore.
(42:03) You know it's funny um you should say that I find that there was a time when people would ask you a question and I would respond from within my lifetime of knowledge like that was my reference. This was I what I have known. Now when I talk about my reference of knowledge it encompasses 2,000 years. It just feels like it's there. It It feels like I belong.
(42:29) It's just there. And the idea being that every single part of you is a manifestation of desire and love. It is a manifestation of karma. Every part of our body is exquisitly beautiful and deserves to be woripped and loved. Huge thanks to Sema Anin for sharing her wisdom and reminding us that pleasure has always had a place in our history.
(42:56) You can follow her on Instagram at semain storytelling. And do not forget, I know you can't with this episode. Don't forget, check out our collection, at surmi.com/a. You can also find the link in the show notes. Now, we have explored so much in this episode from pleasure and expression to shame and ancestral wisdom.
(43:15) All things I could not wait to unpack with the lovers community. Did you know you can be a part of it, too? Head to loversbyshan.com/ community to join us. Let's talk about sex positions. Bridget, we'll start with you. Camera off. Show us what you like to do. Demonstrations like um I actually have a softer leadin for this episode.
(43:43) So I wanted to give a little backstory for why the collaboration with Surmay and Sema is so special to me because ethnically I present like a half black half white woman but the truth of the matter is I'm half Indian and I'm half East Indian Indo-Caribbean via Guyana but my dad's greatgrandparents came from India and it's a big part of my life and growing up my mom is half black half white and my mom's dad left when she was born.
(44:15) So my whole world has been black and Indian. So half of my world and my upbringing and we spent a lot of time around my dad. So I from a young age identified with being Indian and um it's when I got to school and I started to realize like I wasn't being embraced by that community and there wasn't that hint of recognition that's when I was like oh like I guess I'm not Indian after all.
(44:40) And just because people don't see you as something, it doesn't change your internal reality and your lived experience. So in my adult years, I started to really miss that. And I actually have a cousin who is half black, half Indian, Atlanta. And she's always been really aggressive about making it known that she's in Indian. And not just to others, but to Indian people.
(45:02) Like not a question like include me. I am one of you. Like take me on. Like take me under your wing that I belong here. And I've just watched her sense of confidence in her culture, in our culture, and her sense of confidence um being around people of our culture outgrow mine. And so for me, asking Sema to partner with her and then partnering with Surmay, which is traditionally, you know, an Indian brand was meaningful for me because I was asking for belonging.
(45:31) Then come to find out that Surmi their actual core mission is around belonging and creating objects for belonging. Um things that we could all share to get a piece of our history, a piece of our truth and to learn more about ourselves and using jewelry as a conduit for storytelling and self-exression. And it was not just through finding my own belonging within the Indian community, but realizing that regardless, we all belong to these stories. We all belong to these truths.
(46:00) And so I wanted to spend some time asking you guys about your culture um and where you come from and if there are any stories that you carry with you. So I'm Filipino. I was born in the Philippines and I lived there uh for a few years, eight years until I moved to the US. So I think that the Philippines in particular is pretty rich in culture where it started with a bunch of indigenous tribes and then got colonized by Spain.
(46:32) the US, Japan, and a whole bunch of other countries. Um, and I think I saw something online that talked about how in different tribes pre-colonization, women were seen as like goddesses and higher powers and less it was less of a patriarchy. And I didn't want to say it cuz I need to fact check, but I've always found that really, really interesting.
(47:00) And I've wanted to dig deeper into those pre-colonial roots and see what it was really like back then. The Legend of Bus is a story of a woman who comes out in the night and she is part succubus, part phantom. So, she's part human, part animal, and part succubus. And she goes about to find male victims and to take her pleasure as she just because she can.
(47:39) Um, I always found that that, how should I say, that story in my Grenadian heritage very interesting. All stories are not meant to be taken literally. um but they're meant to be symbolic or parables. So the parable of the woman who knows what pleasures her and she seeks that out and um doesn't feel guilt or shame about it, I think is something that we can all draw inspiration from.
(48:06) So I love the idea of searching for these objects of belonging that invite us back not just to, you know, our cultures truth but also just our universal truth. And I feel like comma is an invitation back to all of our universal truth that our bodies are beautiful and wondrous and magical and they deserve to be in situations where they are honored as such, where they are looked upon as such and you deserve to feel pleasure that reminds you of that.
(48:34) I love the idea of the secret vocabulary um that the jewelry creates uh between partners. I'm someone that's always looking for ways to like make sex more than just like, okay, we did the sex and then there's no kind of I want mine to kind of last all day or for as many hours as possible.
(48:58) Um, and I love just like thinking of the couple like having that erotic vocabulary within the jewelry. And I was thinking of the back chain and how you said Jared, put it back between your cheeks. And I was like, "Oh my gosh, I would love like that moment would just make me feel so like I would be I feel like I'd be so odd.
(49:15) " Like I would say a lot of stuff or feel a lot of stuff and maybe dirty talk would come in because it's like, "Oh yeah, you moved that chain back between the cheeks." Like, "Well, Steph, I know your ass already has some. So, thank you for the support and for the love for that." But overall, as much as it is like an opportunity to talk about the line that we have, it's an opportunity to talk about positions and it actually made me think about the word position in a different way.
(49:43) Like when people ask what position are you in, right? Or what's your favorite position? Even my language for that is is flipped, but what's your favorite position? And the small subtle ways that we can even say that like the being the woman on top is my favorite position. Um or my favorite position is in one of empowerment or my favorite position is one that has comfort with it.
(50:07) It doesn't have to necessarily be like when my leg is behind my back and like this I'm doing the splits and I'm going up and down on the [ __ ] Like it can be what how do you like to take position? What position do you hold um of yourself during sex? So, I actually have always kind of hated the talk on positions because I feel like that becomes this big mushroom cloud that takes over the sex talk where in actuality what position do I want to be in is like kind of the final thing cuz it's more about like what are my nos, what are my yeses,
(50:38) what am I excited to try, you know, what has happened to me in the past and I don't want to repeat, what am I curious about but not yet ready for. There's so many conversations around sex I want to be having. But when I first entered into the space, positions was just really like the thing that everybody was talking about.
(50:56) I feel like this has really brought me back to it where I'm not as afraid to talk about positions anymore. Um because I think that we all know that there's a richer conversation to be had. So that to be said, let's just talk about positions. I'm curious to know what your guys's favorite position is. One that I have not tried. Um, I think there's many positions that kind of happen all the time.
(51:18) So, I'm like, okay, I know this is what works. But, um, you talked about the lotus position and I loved what you and Sema said about where you can kind of sit back and it's like look at me. Um, I love that and I'm always looking for ways to like be connected and like but also like that distance and then like come back.
(51:39) I definitely want to try Lotus as well. It's always been like on my list, but I think currently would be just being on top because one for me, I won't speak for all women, but for me, it's easier to get off that way. I really like what you said about positions not being or not needing to be a specific thing, but rather uh like a place of comfort or a place of control.
(52:06) And I think that stuck to me as something that we also need to teach younger girls moving forward where the aspiration is not to be skinny or, you know, put makeup on and look pretty, especially in the bedroom. It should just be a feeling of owning and embracing your body and feeling like you deserve to be loved and woripped.
(52:33) Bridget, turn your camera on and show us the script because you read from a teleprompter. Bridget, that was so good, girl. Oh my gosh, what a gift. What a gift that was. I'm so happy this is recorded for that exact reason. Um, and on the note of recording, we're going to end the public recording right now.
(52:58) Take a moment for ourselves. And so we'll say bye to all of the distant lovers. And so I'll talk to my um to my true lovers here. I'm throwing an event this weekend in LA. And literally the anxiety that I have over this like no one's going to come like just anytime that I do anything. It's just like are people going to come? And I never feel that anymore when I start these.
(53:23) I know that there's going to be like five of my lovers here. And I started singing the cheers song where everybody know is that no. Yeah. Sometimes you wanna go knows your name. Always glad you came. You want to be where you can. The trouble are all the same. You want to go where everybody knows your name. Yeah, that's it.
(00:00) The Kamsutra talks about how every movement is supposed to be like choreography. This week on lover is by Shan Shimana. Ancient India has always thought of pleasure as an awakening of the senses as a shaky as an energy. You know most of us get thrown in the deep end. If you're lucky you have a partner who's as into you as you are into them.
(00:24) But nobody really teaches you. when you're on top, when you're in the giving position as a woman, you needed two pieces of jewelry for this. You needed the waist chain with lots and lots of bells on it because sometimes it can feel like sexual liberation is this modern thing. We're not discovering liberation. We're uncovering history.
(00:43) Now, when I talk about my reference of knowledge, it encompasses 2,000 years. If you have sex with a woman and afterwards you look at her as dirty, the next place you should look is your own hands. You don't have a choice except to look at it as beautiful. If you see somebody coming with this jewelry, get ready.
(01:03) [Music] Our guest today is the most popular sex expert worldwide, Sema Onend. Sema and I have been following each other for years, but we only met in 2023 right here on Lovers when I made this manifestation. Our jewelry line coming out in 2024. I'm just going to say that right now cuz that's a genius idea. And now I am very proud to share that this episode is sponsored by Kama, a jewelry line inspired by the Kama Sutra created by Sema Anand and myself.
(01:34) Lovingly designed and distributed by the jewelry line Surmi. Right now everything including the brand new spine chain is back in stock. So head to surmmy.com/a. When I think about you and me, I feel like we have a secret romance in my mind. It's like I feel so strongly towards you and I've never met you in real life. So, I know.
(02:00) Isn't that just amazing? We've never actually met, but yeah, we do have a secret romance. I think somewhere there there is an understanding of what I spoke about that you have that nobody else in the universe has. Have you ever had a queer experience before? Yes. Do tell. Um my very first experience was queer.
(02:24) I think most of us start out like that, right? So I think my very first exploration was with who? Somebody who was at that point my best friend. I was very young. Um maybe 12, that kind of age group. And I know that it wasn't like we didn't really go down on each other because we were still quite young. We hadn't quite got to that point.
(02:44) But, you know, it's just the memory of that entire time that I still have in my head. I still use that memory. So, long story short, you're saying there's a chance for you and I. Yes. Yes. Yes. Let me do this properly. I have to sit. Yes. Yes. Yes. So, I love that that was your experience and that actually makes so much sense as to why you are the patron saint of pleasure.
(03:17) Many women who started off uh with women as their first sexual partners experience less shame around their pleasure. I think a lot of people who started off having sex with women to begin with or sexual experiences with women have a different story in their mind that this is for me, this is about me and that my pleasure should be front and center.
(03:37) I think that's the perfect segue to talk about something so special to my heart. Something that was born out of this exact environment um which is karma. And the gift of kama that you have brought into my life has just been multi-dimensional, multiffold, multiensory. it has really applied to every area of my life because, you know, not only did you reinvite me back to the Kama Sutra, a book that I thought was trashy and westernized and misogynistic, um, which I think are words that are exactly the opposite of what it truly is. So, not only have you brought me
(04:13) back to it in terms of my work as a sex educator, but just as somebody who pursues a life of of pleasure, of passion, of prosperity, and of giving back to others. So for people who are not familiar with the Kama Sutra or are familiar just by the ways of that comma headline 79 Kama Sutra positions you have to try this spring.
(04:36) Um what is the Kama Sutra about? So the Kamasutra is a text that was written in about the 4th century 300 something AD. It was written as a book for men, men of pleasure, sorry, men of leisure and men of wealth. And the book was written in seven sections. And it was ideally written to teach men how to um live their best life.
(05:05) So it's very much about their uh their their life, their sensory experiences. It's not, it doesn't have anything to do with how they earn their money or how they um interact socially with other things. It's very much about their personal sensory experiences. And um one of the interesting little things it says is that on the window sill of every room, potentially every room, there would be drawing materials.
(05:36) Because one of the most important things in foreplay was that you would make a drawing of your partner. You would sort of have that time where you had one-on-one eye to eye time where you would actually draw out that person in the way that you saw them. So all men, men and women, but all men particularly men of refinement, men of wealth were taught how to draw.
(06:02) That was a very important skill that they had to learn. I think that the whole thing is giving men's soft life era. I love the fact that it was extremely literal and to take love making seriously means to take your artistic expression very seriously. Absolutely. It does say that a man who is well-versed in the arts is the most desirable lover of all.
(06:22) You have to remember that this is the time when we're talking about a courtly society. So all the men that are likely to be in this society are all wealthy and famous and powerful and so on. So what made one more special than the other? It was all about what made you be picked. And I think it's fantastic that you know here is a time when men were being taught that they had to make themselves worthy of being picked.
(06:48) You know, I think that's really special. Anyway, so that is section one. Section two of the Kamasutra is where we're going to be talking a little bit more about it because section two is about the arts of pleasure. And this bit was actually written for both men and women because um it was important that everybody understood how to be with their partner.
(07:09) I love that you gave that story because I feel like that is the exact experience I had when you told me about the jewelry 2 years ago now. And at that time I had just given birth to my second daughter and I felt alien in my sexuality. I tell this story of we had this mirror installed in our bedroom and it was just a functional installation of a mirror and when um the person who put it in they made a joke in front of other people about like oh well I know what this mirror means or some kind of sexual reference and it deeply embarrassed me
(07:43) and that was my first time realizing that the idea of people thinking of me having sex felt uncomfortable for me because I felt uncomfortable with my own sexuality. I think after having a second kid and not just the way that my body changed but the way that I had changed as a woman I hadn't really found a way to delight or invite myself into my own sexuality into my own comfort zone with that and the experience the decadent experience of being a sexual woman and being looked at as such.
(08:12) So the jewelry for me provided a pathway to start treating myself differently, seeing myself differently, and then they they felt not just like instructions on how to be a better lover, which we'll get into. Um, but they felt like instructions on how to see me for my partner, like see me as a goddess, see me as ethereal, see me as a queen.
(08:36) Like, because that's how I now want to enter the bedroom. I don't want to be seen as a young girl with super high tits. You know what I mean? Like who's screaming and making these sounds or I don't want to feel and be seen as if I'm trying to compete with my younger self. I want to be decorated with the wisdom, with the experiences that I now have.
(08:53) And what better way to represent that than with beautiful jewels. So, thank you for giving that to me. And I was so passionate about when you said that that I said, Sema, have you done something with this? have you turned this into a business? Have you started thinking about this? Like what are you going to do with this? And um that that was the end of our Zoom conversation two years ago.
(09:16) And fast forward, here we are in 2025 and now we've got it all. We've got it all. We've got it all. And I was just lifting up my one to sort of just feel against my skin just because it they're just so beautiful. And I have to say, Sean, that you've been the actual driving force behind this because for me it was such a beautiful concept.
(09:42) It was very I was very happy to keep it in my head as a concept because it just it just lived over there and it was gorgeous and there's nobody else that could understand what I meant when I talked about this and you did. So, I just want to thank you for walking into my life when you did. But also, you know, when you just said for a moment that you you want to be seen now as this um as this goddess and how brilliant you feel with it because when you feel ornamented, I always feel that when when you show up with this jewelry for
(10:16) yourself, for your lover, for for the love making, it's not really that you're being seen. It's almost as though you're being revealed. Do you know what I mean? like it feels like yes there there is a sort of it's almost like a staging of it um you know I realize that everything is so connected so the kamsutra talks about how for instance you know every movement is supposed to be like choreography I was wondering if we could go piece by piece through the different there's five different beautiful options pieces of jewelry that
(10:56) we've given for people. So where do you want to start? So I think that we have to start with the waist belt, the the jingling girdle which is worn for when you are on top as the woman and that's where my journey started. It started with the jingling girdle and I think that's where our conversation started as well.
(11:14) So I think we have to go with that. And interestingly somebody actually wrote to me the other day saying that um she wants to make her sex life a little bit more exciting. At the moment, all she's ever doing is the missionary position, and she wants to be in the giving position, meaning on top. But that she's running out of stamina from all the bouncing up and down.
(11:34) She finds it really, really hard. Makes her want to stop in the middle, and it's doing um it's just doing her a disservice because then she suddenly doesn't want to be doing this anymore. And I thought, "Oh my god, enter the waist chain as we know." Yes. I mean, porn has done nobody any favors by making people think that you have to bounce up and down because that's what looks good for their camera.
(12:00) And as we know the uh when you're on top, when you're in the giving position as a woman, what we need to do, Sean, tell us where do we have to go back and back and forth and slightly round and round, right? The the the bottom going slightly round and round. And so you needed two pieces of jewelry for this.
(12:20) You needed the waist chain with lots and lots of bells on it because when you actually put it on, the idea was you got your movement right by making sure that the bells did not make a sound. And I think that is just it's genius. It's so simple, but it's genius that you no longer have to worry about whether you're bouncing, what am I doing? You know that all you have to do is concentrate on the bells not making a sound.
(12:50) And so you learn how to move your body for a very specific idea. And you paired this up with the long earrings. Are you wearing your long earrings? Yes, I am wearing my long earrings. Oh, there you go. Okay. So, the long earrings were really, really important because when you lean forward, when you're on top and you're going to move back and forth, you have to lean slightly forward.
(13:11) So your arms would be straight, your hands would be resting on your partner's shoulders, maybe on the bed on either side, maybe on their chest. But how far forward do you lean? And these earrings, the long earrings, u which as you know we have created very very carefully by understanding the weight and the the kind of movement that they have.
(13:33) You basically bend your head forward so that your earring was in the middle of your cheek or it fell across your cheek. And then the idea was to get it to swing. And when you got that swing right, which was grazing against your cheek, you knew that you'd got the pace of your thrusting. I mean, if I hopped up on this counter, which I might do in a second, um, I think that is a beautiful and it is I mean, I have worn this jewelry while making love and you do feel the swing.
(14:02) I actually do the jingling girdle which is the waist belt which I want to back up and say that this line is done in collaboration with Surmi and Manosvi who is the genius of Surmi uh really just took the conversations we had listened to our podcast listened to all the work that you have done on the Kama Sutra and then interpreted it in her unique way of bringing Kama to life and uh we'll talk about the choker next which of course is such a To me, all texts need to be updated and expanded on.
(14:34) And I really do feel like we presented a very female forward version of what the Kama Sutra is. Taking the beautiful gems, the empowerment and the wisdom and then expanding on that in a modern way to make sure that women did feel decorated, seen, and inspired by it. But I love um with the girdle in particular because originally it wasn't supposed to make it into the line and you and I were like the jingling girdle has to be there.
(15:00) The jingling it has to be there because I mean it is essential to life not just to their lives. Majority of women who do orgasm from penetration alone are going to experience that while being on top. So of course there has to be a piece of jewelry that one celebrates that and two gives them instructions on how to find their pleasure and ride themselves into ecstasy.
(15:24) Do you know what is absolutely amazing about the jingling girdle that Manasi created? Waist belts have so much more vocabulary to them. It was sort of that line of definition, wasn't it? It's that line which you could be like okay this is the line that you don't cross. This is the bit where you can go up to here.
(15:48) You can trace that line but you can't go beyond that. So it was definition, it was intention, it was guidance, it was all manner of things. Uh but more than that it was just the absolute exquisite beauty of ornamenting yourself so that you feel good and then also having this as a guide which tells you exactly how to move. I mean, how ex how absolutely exquisite is that, right? And I love the translation of because in western society, we call that position cowgirl, which what does a cowgirl do? She Yeah, she going to bounce and go crazy and have her hand in the air and
(16:25) be jiggling everywhere. But the translation in the Kama Sutra is the woman above. And I feel like that is so much more decadent and sophisticated. And the woman above, right, she sits above on her throne. And what does she do? She doesn't thrash about. She doesn't She is slow, methodical, and intentional.
(16:46) And that is what this move is really uh calling you to do. It's really calling you to find your rhythm, find your flow, and sit in it um as the woman above. So, I really loved that interpretation of it. The first time I read about this was when my entire life had lit up. I mean, honestly, it was like that changed my life. I can remember the day that I read it.
(17:06) I I can actually remember what it did to my brain and I was like, "Okay, if somebody else out there could think of the pleasure of a woman with such detail and such exquisitness, where why are we falling behind?" Yes. What I would love the story that you told about your friend who was like, "Well, once you have this jewelry on, aren't you pigeonholding yourself to a certain position? You wear everything at once.
(17:34) " Um, when I have worn the jewelry, I wore everything all at once. And not that we have to get to every position, but it decorates a different part of your body. To your point, the lines, they create focal points. They create areas of intentionality. And then it's like choose your own adventure. But also keeping in mind, like you said, that the to me the belt and the earrings are what go together.
(17:56) So the other position that you can use specifically with the earrings I think which really facilitates the lean forward is riding a tree which I prefer that to reverse cowgirl too. And riding a tree is just being on top of your partner uh who has a strap on or who has a penis but in reverse. And in order to get that swing that you were talking about it's putting your hands forward maybe on their thighs or maybe on their ankles.
(18:19) I'm going to try to see if I can do it right now. Let's see if I can get it. All right. So, if I'm in the position like this and then my hands are forward and then I'm positioning my pelvis forward so that my clitoris is rubbing against my partner and if they can put a hand underneath it if I'm going backwards or maybe I have my own hand and I have a toy there but it's positioning that clitoris downwards and then grinding back and forth.
(18:41) There we go. We get a little swing going. Right. Absolutely. There you go. And that's how it should be, right? I mean, I was just thinking how absolutely beautiful and just how how calm and like collected you looked over there rather than that. If if you're actually thinking of making this beautiful or making it feel special, I think that so many of us kind of lose that idea of the specialness of it.
(19:10) I think just having grown up with this whole narrative of sex being dirty or sex being bad or pleasure is just for the fast girls or you know all these other little things that you're told and actually turning it onto its head where you're given a vocabulary which can make you explore this with this much depth where you you don't have a choice except to look at it as beautiful.
(19:31) There's a quote that I read recently that said, "If you have sex with a woman and afterwards you look at her as dirty, the next place you should look is your own hands." So, the idea that you have no choice but to see her as beautiful, but to see her as sacred and heck, let's even say to see her as holy. Uh, I love that we are making that the only option because that is the only truth.
(19:57) Yeah, absolutely. And it shouldn't be any other way. I mean, certainly in certain cultures, you know, this whole idea of um being told, okay, this woman is girlfriend material and this woman is wife material. So, you're already kind of segregating the fact that this is the woman I'm turned on by. This is the one I find really exciting.
(20:17) This is the one I want to be with, but oh no, she's girlfriend material. Now when I go and actually find me a wife, she's somebody who should be able to be the mother of my children, look after my parents, look after me, be good enough to be on my arm so that when I take her out, you know, she's the mistress of my house.
(20:34) And in doing so, you're sanitizing any feelings that you have for her. Like you've literally now removed this idea that how you can feel with your girlfriend or your mistress, you know, that that excitement, that pure pleasure. You cannot feel that. you you're not allowed to feel that for your wife and you I mean which is why we have so many people ending up in sexless marriages because they don't feel anything for their partner and it just becomes one of those things that you do as a duty and then you don't want to do anymore
(21:06) and just the idea that you could turn that on its head so it's not something dirty that you're doing to them but it's something beautiful and you're actually participating in a sacred ritual almost I just feel that it's that's what's going to make the difference. I agree with that.
(21:23) Uh you already have the five string necklace in your hand, so that's where we're going next. So, take me there. So, okay. Now, this one is a very, very special piece of jewelry. Now, the idea being that if you were going to be the sitting position, which in tantra is um very special position because nobody's on top, nobody's underneath, nobody's giving or receiving. It's all equal.
(21:49) So you actually come together seated face to face. The kamsutra which again it writes in metaphor but what it says is that if you are an urbane sophisticated woman you understand that once you've penetrated you lean back moving enough to give your partner a little tiny glimpse of your beautiful breasts behind.
(22:13) you know, warming the skin with the jewelry behind just tracing lines of that and that actually gave you just the right kind of pleasure as well because what happens is the Kamsutra says that one of the best kind of thrusts that you can get is the one that would go round and round inside you. Yes, I do think it's one step better.
(22:35) And again, it's the it's the duality of it. You can also use this because it has a chain at the back. Um, so you can use it to layer one more time to your point because you can have six strings or seven strings. I love five because like you said in the lotus position or when you're sitting face to face with your partner, the imagery of five is two legs, two arms and a head like being completely wrapped around each other, being completely wrapped up in each other, in each other's world.
(23:06) So, I feel like when you're up close together, the five string reminds you to really connect with your partner. I also love being face to face with your partner in that position and then sitting back like you said and then now feeling like look at me, right? Like that's it. Like look at me in all of my glory and then I'm going to move in such a way so that this is going to graze back and forth, which of course, you know, is really great for that G-zone area, but it's also really nice for nipple play.
(23:31) And then when you're really flush to your partner wearing this chain, if you can do it in such a way that you rub up against their nipples with the chain, that can be really pleasurable, too. What I absolutely loved about what Manasi did, which we didn't really think was going to happen, is the back chain. Do you want to jump in with the back chain? So, what I love about the back chain is the length of it and also the fact that I think I have it in my drawer here.
(23:56) A part of this as well too is about the preparation of love making. Um, when you're preparing for something special, be that a special dinner or an event. You take your time. You think methodically about these things, you think about every sensory experience, right? The visuals, the smells, the sounds.
(24:13) You want it to be something where people feel welcome. And more than anything else, you want it to be clear how you feel about yourself. So, you can take the time to put perfume along different parts of the spine. And can you tell them why? Yeah. Because one of the most exciting ideas about perfuming was um on the back which is a largeish area.
(24:35) You actually did not perfume the entire back. You made little dots. You literally perfumed yourself with little tiny dots because you created a trail for your partner to follow. So it was almost like a treasure hunt as you kind of created this trail of dots of perfume. find the next bit where the fragrance is and so on. It is so it is absolutely so sexy because like you said you actually have it on the chain which means and if it's dangling down you can travel up and down that chain.
(25:07) But I think for me it's also just how it feels when it swings against my back because there's something so tactile about it. you know, that lovely little cold feel of the metal which as it sits against your skin, it warms up, but it's just a oh my god that just looks so beautiful when you do that.
(25:31) This is like you said, it's the theater of this. It's sensory theater. Your partner is now looking at this whole performance of the jewelry on your body. It's it's just that it's giving you something more. It's adding to it. And I always think it's not like, you know, when you when you dress up and you go and you were just saying that a while ago, you you dress up, you prepare for it like you would for a dinner party or whatever.
(25:59) Um, just imagine you've gone in there with all of this and it's not just saying, "I want to make love to you." You're saying, "I've come prepared to make love to you." Yes. I really think that if you see somebody coming with this jewelry, get ready. I hope you stretched that day. I hope you drank water because they're about to put the work in on you.
(26:21) This like this woman knows what she is doing. I actually want to share my favorite position with the five string necklace. Um and that is the congress of cow which is doggy style. But, uh, in that position where you're, you know, leaning forward, your hands are on the bed, your partner is from the back either penetrating or having a little snack eating groceries.
(26:44) This is totally and it's very educational. I love it for that because you get the sensual swing. You get it hitting against your body. So, again, reminding you that you're there. It creates a rhythm, which is a big part of the jewelry, too, right? It's finding your rhythm and staying with it and giving you that focal point.
(27:01) But what I love about that position more than anything else is how gorgeous it is from the back. Um, and it sits right here all along the spine. So, I really knew that my husband Jared was into the jewelry when I had the five string on. So, I put everything on. I came to bed the first night that I got it and he loved the spine chain.
(27:23) And so, when we were in that position and from the back, you know, as you're moving back and forth, the chain got out of place. And when I felt him take it and then put it right back in place and tuck it between the cheeks, I said, "Oh, he's into this." Oh, like I said, this is it. It It gives you something else to look at, to think of, to focus on. Yes.
(27:45) I love that too about it because it's something that you can wear during love making, but the jewelry is also designed to be worn in everyday clothes. So whether you wear it against your bare skin or a crisp white shirt, it still works. But when you're wearing it out in your everyday life, it's a it's a secret between you and your partner, right? It's a memory.
(28:03) I'm so glad you said that. Two reasons. Um, one is when I did my last book, um, I I actually wrote a chapter on the fact that the Kamsutra says that all lovers should have a secret vocabulary between them and they should actually be able to discuss little things without anybody else knowing.
(28:24) It becomes like a little private joke between you. People who have more words for nookie that that have more sort of secret words for love making between them actually have far more fun during their intimate moments because they seem to have sort of brought it they've embedded it into their subconscious. They've embedded it into their psyche into um their their leisure points as well.
(28:53) So it's not just a transactional thing. Okay, fine. We haven't had sex in 3 days. We better do it now. You know, got to do it at least twice a week with today's It's more than that. It's sort of in your mind at that point. And I think that the jewelry is that secret language. It is that secret vocabulary. Yes.
(29:12) So it gives you that vocabulary which we don't generally have. Let's face it. Where do we get our um erotic vocabulary from? From porn. from 50 Shades of Gray. Um, but I also liked what you said about the memory. So, one of the words for one of the names for karma kamdev who is the Hindu god of love and desire. He's the Indian cupid.
(29:35) One of the other names for him is sma or memory. He is love or pleasure is memory. And it is something that you very very succently and very cleverly put into words. The very first time that we did our podcast, I was saying about how how you finish is how quickly it'll bring your partner back to your bed the next time.
(30:02) And you said yes because you remember things either by the height of that event or by the way it finishes. So um there was somebody who had written in about how they want to be able to spend the time bring their partner to arousal. they do spend the time bring their partner to arousal but in doing so he has to make sure that um he doesn't think any kind of sexual thoughts at all because he says that you know in order to make sure that he doesn't come or that he doesn't suddenly kind of get beyond himself at that point he has to think of all sorts of other stuff and
(30:37) that then makes the whole act really mechanical and of course our advice is always well you know Stay within the moment. Stay present. Stay sensual. Even if you're not being sexual, try and stay sensual. But it's very easy to say those words. It's very difficult to actually do it because what on earth does that even mean when you say stay sensual? And I think that the jewelry actually is an example of how you can stay sensual, you know, when you can actually play with that jewelry.
(31:11) So for instance, if you were to take a piece of that jewelry for instance and use it as the thing that is going to connect you but also um keep the little distance between you. So, let's say if you have your your five string necklace and you use that before you put it on, you use that to actually take it off and trail it over your partner's body.
(31:41) Now, imagine not touching them with your fingers, actually using this to trail it. And it's lovely and cool, right? Because it's metal and it warms up as it goes along. It's almost like temperature play. But imagine using this. So you are now touching them but not touching them. They're now getting to that point where they're waiting for your finger to touch them.
(32:04) So they're yearning for your touch. There is that whole sort of need to be connected but also to keep that distance. And I just feel that we need to be teaching people how to use this jewelry for so much more of their pleasure play than simply just, you know, most of us get thrown in the deep end. If you're lucky, you have a partner who's as into you as you are into them.
(32:35) They're as into mutual pleasure and you explore together. But nobody really teaches you. I mean, these are things that you only learn from being taught. So, with um I was telling you that we didn't do any work on men's jewelry this time, which we will next time, but one of the things that men would always wear is um a garland of fresh flowers.
(32:55) So, that was their daily ornamentation. And you wore different types of flowers for different occasions. So, you would have a different type of garland for your love making. Now, imagine using that garland. You put that garland in between you on your lips so that you're touching but you're not touching. That kiss is imminent but you're not actually touching.
(33:20) Now I think that that really builds it up. You asked me we started the conversation about my queer experience. I tell you what, um, one of my most exciting dates that I can remember is, this is 42 years ago, I was still in college, so it's a very long time ago, but it's still so fresh in my head, was just this guy sitting next to me, really, really close.
(33:47) So, I could feel his breath on me, but not touching. And every now and then, he would just lean forward and he'd rub his lower lip against mine. And that's all we did. We discussed Emanuel Khan's theory of absolutism for about three hours. The only time I didn't argue about the theory of absolutism. Um, which I don't agree with otherwise. But yeah, and then he left.
(34:10) And I still remember that and I still use that memory as well. It was just so exciting. And I think this jewelry is not just for the person who wears it. It's not just for the actual positions. It's for your partner equally and it's for foreplay equally. The sensual zone versus the sexual zone. I actually talked about this in my master class.
(34:33) And interestingly enough, at this 40-year-old age I'm at now, this was even an aha for me because again, when we think about or learn about sex from a very heteronormative perspective, it's also a very erectionbased perspective. And the idea that sex starts when the man is erect and it ends when he is flaccid.
(34:55) And in between there, you better hope that you figure things out, but if you don't, the most important thing is that your partner was satisfied. But that also translated to me of erection panic that when I'm having sex with somebody, I'm constantly checking in to see if they're still erect because if they're not, that means that the sex isn't good.
(35:13) And it was when I let go of that and started to say, "This is a erotic experience. This is a sensual and sensory experience. And things are going to eb and flow. Things will get wet, then they will get dry. Things will get hard, then they will get soft. That's how you make sex into a 4-hour experience or a 24-hour experience, right? When it even starts with just erotic messages you send each other throughout throughout the day.
(35:36) But when you desenter the erection from the sexual experience, I think everyone benefits. And to answer the question that that man wrote to you about, well, the panic he feels because he's got to maintain an erection and satisfy his partner and keep thrusting while lasting a very long time.
(35:56) It's like, yeah, why can't you take a pause, use your fingers, use a toy, whisper sexual things to your partner, still stay connected with them, give yourself a chance to cool down, maybe even to soften up, and then when you feel ready, come back to the moment. You don't have to disengage, but again, we don't have to engage in this very linear way that doesn't allow for creativity and play, exploration, the erotic, all the things that actually make sex good.
(36:24) Yeah, that is so true. Oh my god. Um, we Well, like you said, because we have a definition, right? It starts at a point, it finishes, and that's all it is. There is no other definition for sex either. That is it. It sort of um it means penetration and it starts when you're erect and finishes when your partner is flaccid.
(36:46) Again, I think that a lot of people just don't know. They're trying so hard. Imagine being told to go, "Oops, looks like our connection got a little too steamy and shortcircuited. We'll be back in the flow momentarily." That past 20 minutes of technical difficulty, I think, is the perfect metaphor for good sex because it's not linear.
(37:09) It's not always according to plan, but it's if you can get back on it and get back to it and reconnect that this can actually be an even more memorable experience. So, let's have great sex. Okay, done. Because we're starting a new lovemaking session right now, I actually think it's a great idea to begin with the choker, which to me is foreplay.
(37:31) All the other pieces that we talked about are really about positions, the core play elements of things, but the choker is foreplay. What is it to you? You're absolutely right. So, this is so this was supposed to represent the elements, the different elements of the earth, the different elements of who we are as women.
(37:50) So, uh, I was talking to you at one point about how ancient India 2,000 years ago had all these love festivals and the love festivals were not about couples getting together. It was more about the earth being brought to her pleasure because when the earth loses her pleasure, that's when things go wrong. there are avalanches and earthquakes and famines and droughts and floods and so the and you know in the west going back uh in the fourth the fifth century there are all sorts of natural catastrophes happening and in the west they say that in Europe they're
(38:25) saying that it's because of the um the Roman emperors and their unbridled lust and this is the wrath of the gods but in ancient India we believe that it wasn't the anger of the gods that brought this around This is when the earth when mother earth forgot her pleasure and so to keep the universe in balance the earth had to be reminded of her pleasure and women and the earth become interchangeable.
(38:53) So it was women who actually passed their erotic vocabulary onto the earth so that the earth could feel the sap run through her veins and she could feel the blossoms sort of jumping out onto her branches and everything would become well. And so the choker was literally that reminder of us being connected to each element to each part of us being connected to each part of the earth.
(39:23) So that the the balance that we're looking for you remember um I told you I think right in the beginning that ancient India thought of pleasure as an energy. It was a shi. It wasn't just an event that happened for a moment because you were going to get intimate with your partner. This is a shaky. It it energized your entire body. It it went through your body.
(39:43) It woke up every single part of you. The opposite of pleasure was stagnation. It was not displeasure. It was not anger. It was the fact that every part of you becomes dead. And when you wake up where every single nerve ending becomes alive, it wakes up. that was pleasure. And so this is a reminder of all the different elements and how we are a part of that element and um yeah the elements are a part of us.
(40:16) Oh my goodness, that was just a beautiful poem that you wrote to my spirit and soul and I think that this choker is my favorite to wear actually during masturbation. I like it in partnered play too in the lotus position because again it's the eye gazing and through that eye gazing you might in your peripheral see the gentle reminders of who I am uh and who I'm meant to be and how I'm meant to be treated in this moment.
(40:36) But moreover than that I think when you're self-pleasuring and you're looking at yourself in the mirror. These are powerful reminders to yourself um and to that moment. So thank you for that gift. It is all of our different energies sort of um there you know and uh again going back to the Mughal era there was a system of when they would make jewelry.
(40:58) So the jewelry on the outside would have gemstones maybe it was gold but on the underside it always had uh enamel work. It was extremely beautiful, very delicate, very intricately made enamel work and you never got to see it but it was there and it touched your skin. So there was this thing of beauty that was made just to touch your skin.
(41:21) It wasn't for the outside gaze. It was for you to feel. It was for your soul to feel. This choker kind of reminds me of that. And that's the thing I also love about what we've created too is that I think sometimes it can feel like sexual liberation is this modern thing like a modern woman is sexually liberated, a modern woman reclaims her pleasure.
(41:43) But your work um and ancient works tells us that we're not finding something new or discovering uh liberation. We're uncovering history and our ancient truths and our ancestors had these secrets they've known all along. So I just want to thank you for reminding me of that and also inspiring me to go back even into my own gy folklore.
(42:03) You know it's funny um you should say that I find that there was a time when people would ask you a question and I would respond from within my lifetime of knowledge like that was my reference. This was I what I have known. Now when I talk about my reference of knowledge it encompasses 2,000 years. It just feels like it's there. It It feels like I belong.
(42:29) It's just there. And the idea being that every single part of you is a manifestation of desire and love. It is a manifestation of karma. Every part of our body is exquisitly beautiful and deserves to be woripped and loved. Huge thanks to Sema Anin for sharing her wisdom and reminding us that pleasure has always had a place in our history.
(42:56) You can follow her on Instagram at semain storytelling. And do not forget, I know you can't with this episode. Don't forget, check out our collection, at surmi.com/a. You can also find the link in the show notes. Now, we have explored so much in this episode from pleasure and expression to shame and ancestral wisdom.
(43:15) All things I could not wait to unpack with the lovers community. Did you know you can be a part of it, too? Head to loversbyshan.com/ community to join us. Let's talk about sex positions. Bridget, we'll start with you. Camera off. Show us what you like to do. Demonstrations like um I actually have a softer leadin for this episode.
(43:43) So I wanted to give a little backstory for why the collaboration with Surmay and Sema is so special to me because ethnically I present like a half black half white woman but the truth of the matter is I'm half Indian and I'm half East Indian Indo-Caribbean via Guyana but my dad's greatgrandparents came from India and it's a big part of my life and growing up my mom is half black half white and my mom's dad left when she was born.
(44:15) So my whole world has been black and Indian. So half of my world and my upbringing and we spent a lot of time around my dad. So I from a young age identified with being Indian and um it's when I got to school and I started to realize like I wasn't being embraced by that community and there wasn't that hint of recognition that's when I was like oh like I guess I'm not Indian after all.
(44:40) And just because people don't see you as something, it doesn't change your internal reality and your lived experience. So in my adult years, I started to really miss that. And I actually have a cousin who is half black, half Indian, Atlanta. And she's always been really aggressive about making it known that she's in Indian. And not just to others, but to Indian people.
(45:02) Like not a question like include me. I am one of you. Like take me on. Like take me under your wing that I belong here. And I've just watched her sense of confidence in her culture, in our culture, and her sense of confidence um being around people of our culture outgrow mine. And so for me, asking Sema to partner with her and then partnering with Surmay, which is traditionally, you know, an Indian brand was meaningful for me because I was asking for belonging.
(45:31) Then come to find out that Surmi their actual core mission is around belonging and creating objects for belonging. Um things that we could all share to get a piece of our history, a piece of our truth and to learn more about ourselves and using jewelry as a conduit for storytelling and self-exression. And it was not just through finding my own belonging within the Indian community, but realizing that regardless, we all belong to these stories. We all belong to these truths.
(46:00) And so I wanted to spend some time asking you guys about your culture um and where you come from and if there are any stories that you carry with you. So I'm Filipino. I was born in the Philippines and I lived there uh for a few years, eight years until I moved to the US. So I think that the Philippines in particular is pretty rich in culture where it started with a bunch of indigenous tribes and then got colonized by Spain.
(46:32) the US, Japan, and a whole bunch of other countries. Um, and I think I saw something online that talked about how in different tribes pre-colonization, women were seen as like goddesses and higher powers and less it was less of a patriarchy. And I didn't want to say it cuz I need to fact check, but I've always found that really, really interesting.
(47:00) And I've wanted to dig deeper into those pre-colonial roots and see what it was really like back then. The Legend of Bus is a story of a woman who comes out in the night and she is part succubus, part phantom. So, she's part human, part animal, and part succubus. And she goes about to find male victims and to take her pleasure as she just because she can.
(47:39) Um, I always found that that, how should I say, that story in my Grenadian heritage very interesting. All stories are not meant to be taken literally. um but they're meant to be symbolic or parables. So the parable of the woman who knows what pleasures her and she seeks that out and um doesn't feel guilt or shame about it, I think is something that we can all draw inspiration from.
(48:06) So I love the idea of searching for these objects of belonging that invite us back not just to, you know, our cultures truth but also just our universal truth. And I feel like comma is an invitation back to all of our universal truth that our bodies are beautiful and wondrous and magical and they deserve to be in situations where they are honored as such, where they are looked upon as such and you deserve to feel pleasure that reminds you of that.
(48:34) I love the idea of the secret vocabulary um that the jewelry creates uh between partners. I'm someone that's always looking for ways to like make sex more than just like, okay, we did the sex and then there's no kind of I want mine to kind of last all day or for as many hours as possible.
(48:58) Um, and I love just like thinking of the couple like having that erotic vocabulary within the jewelry. And I was thinking of the back chain and how you said Jared, put it back between your cheeks. And I was like, "Oh my gosh, I would love like that moment would just make me feel so like I would be I feel like I'd be so odd.
(49:15) " Like I would say a lot of stuff or feel a lot of stuff and maybe dirty talk would come in because it's like, "Oh yeah, you moved that chain back between the cheeks." Like, "Well, Steph, I know your ass already has some. So, thank you for the support and for the love for that." But overall, as much as it is like an opportunity to talk about the line that we have, it's an opportunity to talk about positions and it actually made me think about the word position in a different way.
(49:43) Like when people ask what position are you in, right? Or what's your favorite position? Even my language for that is is flipped, but what's your favorite position? And the small subtle ways that we can even say that like the being the woman on top is my favorite position. Um or my favorite position is in one of empowerment or my favorite position is one that has comfort with it.
(50:07) It doesn't have to necessarily be like when my leg is behind my back and like this I'm doing the splits and I'm going up and down on the [ __ ] Like it can be what how do you like to take position? What position do you hold um of yourself during sex? So, I actually have always kind of hated the talk on positions because I feel like that becomes this big mushroom cloud that takes over the sex talk where in actuality what position do I want to be in is like kind of the final thing cuz it's more about like what are my nos, what are my yeses,
(50:38) what am I excited to try, you know, what has happened to me in the past and I don't want to repeat, what am I curious about but not yet ready for. There's so many conversations around sex I want to be having. But when I first entered into the space, positions was just really like the thing that everybody was talking about.
(50:56) I feel like this has really brought me back to it where I'm not as afraid to talk about positions anymore. Um because I think that we all know that there's a richer conversation to be had. So that to be said, let's just talk about positions. I'm curious to know what your guys's favorite position is. One that I have not tried. Um, I think there's many positions that kind of happen all the time.
(51:18) So, I'm like, okay, I know this is what works. But, um, you talked about the lotus position and I loved what you and Sema said about where you can kind of sit back and it's like look at me. Um, I love that and I'm always looking for ways to like be connected and like but also like that distance and then like come back.
(51:39) I definitely want to try Lotus as well. It's always been like on my list, but I think currently would be just being on top because one for me, I won't speak for all women, but for me, it's easier to get off that way. I really like what you said about positions not being or not needing to be a specific thing, but rather uh like a place of comfort or a place of control.
(52:06) And I think that stuck to me as something that we also need to teach younger girls moving forward where the aspiration is not to be skinny or, you know, put makeup on and look pretty, especially in the bedroom. It should just be a feeling of owning and embracing your body and feeling like you deserve to be loved and woripped.
(52:33) Bridget, turn your camera on and show us the script because you read from a teleprompter. Bridget, that was so good, girl. Oh my gosh, what a gift. What a gift that was. I'm so happy this is recorded for that exact reason. Um, and on the note of recording, we're going to end the public recording right now.
(52:58) Take a moment for ourselves. And so we'll say bye to all of the distant lovers. And so I'll talk to my um to my true lovers here. I'm throwing an event this weekend in LA. And literally the anxiety that I have over this like no one's going to come like just anytime that I do anything. It's just like are people going to come? And I never feel that anymore when I start these.
(53:23) I know that there's going to be like five of my lovers here. And I started singing the cheers song where everybody know is that no. Yeah. Sometimes you wanna go knows your name. Always glad you came. You want to be where you can. The trouble are all the same. You want to go where everybody knows your name. Yeah, that's it.
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