Tantra Expert Reveals Why Women Lose Their Feminine Energy

Tantra Expert Reveals Why Women Lose Their Feminine Energy

Author Name:Marisa Peer

Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@MarisaPeer

Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwbRidbpgAY



Transcript:
(00:00) We were all doing sex magic together. Being in a room with 27 other women, it was one of the most powerful experiences of my entire life. It changed me. I realized at a very young age that my beauty had an effect on people. I had been with men who were jealous and didn't know how to be with my power. And so I felt like if I want to have relationship then I need to cut myself off from this part of me.
(00:25) But today we're going to talk about your extraordinary life. The rules you've broken, which are many, the rules you continue to break, and the rules that you feel women should not break. >> The main rule that I have broken again and again is someone telling me this is how you're supposed to do it. Anytime someone says that to me, I basically give a very polite you.
(00:45) If a woman can do one thing today on her own to become an orgasmic woman, no partner, no candles, what would that one thing be? Do that for 15 minutes. See how you feel. >> Welcome to another amazing episode of your mind, your rules. We have so many female listeners and so I wanted this amazing woman, Rachel Pringle, to come on and talk about being a wild woman.
(01:10) And yesterday I did a workshop with you. It was called Wild >> Devotion. >> Wild. It was quite a thing. Um, yeah, it was I loved it. It was very interesting. So, we're going to talk about your extraordinary life, the rules you broken, which are many, the rules you continue to break, and the rules that you feel women should not break.
(01:30) So, women have to make their own rules. >> Yes. >> So, what are the first rules that you decided you had to break in order to be happy and be yourself? Which rules did you have to break? Oh my gosh, I really don't like rules. >> I think the the main rule that I have broken again and again is someone telling me this is how you're supposed to do it or you can't do it like this or or you have to do this before you do this.
(01:59) Anytime someone says that to me, I basically give a very polite >> you. >> Yeah, of course. Because you know, I was in a hotel and it said, "You may not take things out of the mini bomb." Like, well, whose rule is that for? You or me? I want to put my own stuff in the menu bar, so I'm taking it out because that rule makes your life easier.
(02:15) I don't have to put it back in. It doesn't make my life easier. >> I'm paying to stay here. So, I'm going to ignore the rule. >> So, I think some rules should definitely be broken. Not all, of course, but some. >> So, while you're breaking rules, when people tell you what you should be and who you should be and how you should behave and how you should dress and how you should turn up, >> while you're breaking rules that don't serve you, >> you must have created some new rules for yourself. Tell me about those.
(02:41) >> I come first. My needs, my desires. If I want to serve in the way that I desire, that I need to be the number one thought on my mind daily. And definitely learning boundaries, learning how to say no. That's been one of my and continues to be one of my biggest number one rules. Learning how to say no. >> And how do you say no? >> Learning how to be selfish.
(03:07) I think that for most of my life, we're taught that being selfish is wrong and bad. I remember at a very specific age someone calling me selfish and it like gutted me because I didn't feel selfish. And so really learning that being selfish can be a good thing. And if I'm constantly pleasing others at the expense of myself, then I'm depleting myself, my life force, my mission.
(03:33) And so learning how to say no to invites, to scenarios, to people that don't light me up, that don't energize me, that I don't feel reciprocity has been absolutely one of the best things I've ever done because there's a scale called being selfish and being selfless. >> Yeah. >> And right in the middle is something called honoring yourself.
(03:56) So it's not selfish and it's not selfless to say, >> does this work for me? Yeah, >> a lot of women can't say no, but you can also always say, >> "I don't think this works for me. This doesn't suit me. This isn't working." Or the classic, "I'm not comfortable with this." I mean, that's not hard to say. I'm not comfortable.
(04:17) >> But when you say, "I'm so sorry I can't babysit for your kids. I'm sorry. I I wish I could, but I'm sorry I can't lend you the money." People have thought, "Well, you but you want to. You said you're sorry." >> So, the boundary is not to say, "I'm so sorry. I wish I could. It's to say, I'm sorry, I have a schedule.
(04:36) Sorry that doesn't work. I'm sorry, I'm not comfortable doing that. >> Until you get used to just saying no. >> Yeah. >> Because until you can say no, yes, has no meaning. >> Exactly. >> So, talking about boundaries and rules, you married someone that you're with how many years later? >> 13 years. >> And you're very happy.
(04:56) There was a time in your marriage when you both had an open marriage. >> Yes. Can I ask you about that? What happened to lead you to that? And what happened when you said, "This isn't working. Let's close it and it'll just be us two again." >> I think it had always been a discussion. It was a question. I think the idea of threesomes and bringing another person in is a very common thing in relationship.
(05:21) And we explored and experimented at the very beginning. And we had some experiences unconsciously and it created a a lot of hurt, a lot of de devastation. And at 4 years in, we we actually really tried. He fell in love with someone else. I fell in love with someone else. And it was it was an extreme catalyst.
(05:45) It was incredibly hurtful and also the best thing that ever happened to us. It propelled us to understand love in a in a deeper way. Understand that you can have deep love for multiple people at the same time. And that doesn't necessarily mean you need to be in relationship with someone. And attraction doesn't mean you love someone.
(06:07) Chemistry doesn't mean you love someone. And really, I think the most important thing that we learned was, are we fully expressed? And we weren't. We were both hiding behind a mask. We both didn't know how to speak what we really felt. We were not revealing all of ourselves. Therefore, we were both missing something in each other, wanting more depth or more fire or more presence.
(06:32) And it was behind this mask really from traumatized situations that came from our childhood. And through that experience, it forced us to be radically honest and really ask for what we want, ask for more from each other. And it was it propelled us into the most liberated state that we exist from now. And I think that a lot of men think that they want this until perhaps their woman falls in love with someone else and then they quickly uh have different feelings.
(07:10) It's a often a double standard. I want to have this and you can't have that. I was very clear that if you're going to have this experience, I'm also going to have this experience. And it brought forward a lot of feelings, a lot of jealousy and confidence, which was a good thing. It invited us into a deeper exploration within ourselves and then more honesty with each other.
(07:37) And we recognized that it it was never worth the destabilization of our relationship. And so through really a lot of heartache, a lot of devastation, a lot of pain, we realized that we were the most important thing and that we wanted to come back together. It was important for us to have those different experiences and actually really realize that we wanted each other even though we had both hurt each other and to come back together after a a heartbreak like that.
(08:11) It created a really deep foundation of trust and safety and devotional love that now we get to live from. >> You know, I was told I would never be able to have a baby. I had cancer twice and was told I'd have to live with that forever. I got run over and was told I couldn't walk for 6 months. I actually walked in 6 weeks.
(08:31) And each time I got that diagnosed, I thought, "No, this is my mind, my rules." I bounced back from cancer. I had a perfect baby. I recovered being run over super fast. And I use the techniques in this book. In fact, I wrote this book while I was in plaster having been run over because the things that made me bounce back will make you bounce back from relationship issues, wealth issues, childhood issues, confidence issues.
(08:55) If you want to live your life on your terms and have love, success, health, wealth, even the body of your dreams, it's all in here. Buy it and change your life forever. So even though you were both in love with somebody else, you decided to leave that love and come back to each other because you loved each other more than you loved the other person. Is that right? Yeah.
(09:17) I think that once we gave each other permission to actually explore these other loves, we realized quite quickly that the love wasn't necessarily what we wanted. That's what I meant by different, you know, experience of of love. like lust or chemistry or attraction or you love someone but you're you can't be in partnership you know partnership is a different type of love it is two forces coming together and creating a third and I cared for this person so much and I knew it wasn't the right dynamic in terms of relationship and I think he felt the
(09:58) same and when we came together we we make each other stronger we both invite like the best version of each other out. And so the other people didn't land in the same way, didn't fit in the same way. It didn't elicit this empowerment in the same way. It was not as satisfying. Yeah.
(10:21) I have many of my clients who have affairs and they'll say, you know, it isn't I didn't love my partner. I just wanted a different experience. And so many people have affairs not because they don't love the person they're with, but because >> they want something else. And I've seen this rather a lot that we have, you know, you find someone to be with, to partner with, and you have intimacy.
(10:42) They know when you're having your period. They know when you're hungry. They know when you're having a bad day without a word being said because you have intimacy. >> Yeah. >> But then you have erotic sex. And what I see a lot is when you have a lot of intimacy, the erotic sex disappears because erotic sex happens in the beginning because erotic sex requires newness and mystery and drama and suspense and maybe some naughtiness too.
(11:05) >> Yes. >> And so I find see a lot of people have an intimate relationship that began with erotic sex, but the erotic sex is gone. And the belief is I can't have that with my partner. So I'm going to have an affair that's erotic and come home to intimacy. Yeah, >> but you can have erotic sex in a very intimate relationship.
(11:26) Tell me how you can have erotic, wild sex in a 15-year relationship that's very intimate. >> I love this question so much. I agree with you. I think that >> because most people think you can't. It's like, no, I I couldn't possibly do that with my wife or my partner. >> I can only do that with somebody else. >> Yeah.
(11:48) And I think the the other main desire to having an affair is we get to experience a version of us through someone new, >> of course. >> So that's what we're really >> which is why people have affairs. They say with him or her, >> I'm not mom raising the kids. I'm not dad. >> I'm someone brand new. Yes. >> And that's the allure of an affair that I can be a different person with this person to the person at home. Mhm.
(12:11) Well, one of my best friends, Angel, says this and I I use it all the time is after newness and novelty comes skill and devotion. >> Yeah. >> And so, it is a skill to recognize that the person sitting in front of you, even though you've been together for 15, 20, 30 years, you believe you know them, >> but actually you're just locked into a version of them and we are infinite.
(12:35) And I really believe that the deeper we go, the more mysterious it becomes. And it takes skill. I really believe I think Johan and I really believe in ritual. And we actively make our sexuality a ritual. And we have very specific practices that we do that invite these different versions of us to come online. And we do breath work.
(12:57) And we have, you know, a ritual of bowing into each other. And it's inviting in divine energy and it's exploring different roles. And one of my teachers always talks about that love, relationship, and this experience is theater. It's is sacred theater. And we want to be given permission to play all roles, especially I I would say as the feminine.
(13:20) We have, you know, a thousand faces of the goddess. We just need the right container. And I think most of us, I love what you expressed, the way that I I view it is like don't let closeness block us from intimacy. Yeah, >> you know, companionship, friendship, and we don't want to rock the boat and perhaps say something that would ruin that really sweet, like content space, but it's continuing to speak the truth, ask for what we want, have the ability to be silly, experiment, look weird, you know, do something different, and know
(14:00) that sexuality is extremely vulnerable for all all of us. It's probably the most vulnerable as money because it's our base chakra. It's our it affects our survival. So, learning how to have conversations around sex and and know that you're allowed to want more. And when you both are in agreement like we want more, then you can, you know, create the the candy store list of all the things that we want to try.
(14:28) And I believe breath practices, tantra, ritual, role play, all of these are incredibly playful states. The other, I think, misconception is that it's meant to be serious. You know, people envision tantra as this like really serious thing can almost feel boring to some men, but it's actually like a very curious, wild, playful, uh, silly space and it invites all these new versions of us.
(15:02) And the more that we do it, the more that we create the safety to be wild. And when that safety is set, I believe it like compounds. And that that safety opens up an avenue to like a very kinky place. And I mean kinky, not I used to think that kinky only meant like whips and chains and gul and gag balls and those things, but it's really the ability to to play, you know, and there's there's so many different versions of it.
(15:33) I didn't know I even had these parts of me in inside. So once we set up containers so that you feel really safe, then it's like what would it feel like to pretend that you know you're a stranger walking into a bar? They always talk about that. But it really really works and it takes commitment to letting a new version of you come online.
(15:56) >> And I'm sure you know this because it is fantasy that is the bridge that takes that marries eroticism to intimacy and back. If you can bring some fantasy into your sex life, then you have can have erotic sex in an intimate setting. Yes. >> And I actually found it by mistake because I work a lot with infertile people.
(16:15) >> I mean, one of my clients saying, "I'm going to call off my wedding cuz my husband's got very low sperm count and >> we can't have children." I said, "You know, every time a man has sex with a new person, his sperm outtake trebles." >> Wow. >> And they said, "You've been having sex for years with this person.
(16:31) You probably made children, but this new person, we want the species, so we're going to treble your sperm outtake. And so if a man can fantasize about being with a new woman, he will treble the amount of sperm he ejaculates. And a woman before they get very upset, a woman having sex with a new person, her cervix will tilt to suck up that sperm because nature's like, well, you've been together for 20 years, but we want you we want the species to be varied.
(16:57) So it really wants you to have sex with a different person. For instance, if you were to buy a ram and take it into a field of is those rams have to have sex with every single U and they have to put them down at the end of the mating season because they've lost half their body weight, their eyes are bulging, they've got callus all over their penises, but they have to have sex with every single U in the field.
(17:17) >> And if you put a rat, a female rat in with a male rat, it will have sex a lot. But if you put a new one in, has to have sex with every single female till it dies of exhaustion. It just can't ignore a new female. >> Wow. >> So, that's nature telling us something. It's really telling us, I want this spec.
(17:35) It's not telling us men are unfaithful. >> It's telling us this species must go on. >> And so, I found this as a way to help my clients who couldn't conceive fantasize their husband was a pilot or the pool guy or anything. It doesn't matter what it is. And they would have to fantasize too. Some they wouldn't speak cuz that would break it.
(17:57) and they all said, "Wow, we got pregnant so quickly. We gave up IVF. It was just playing that game." But now we've got the children are still doing it. It's still fantastic. >> But a lot of people say, "But I feel I'm unfaithful to my partner." And I said, "Look, if you are warm and enthused and orgasmic, >> they actually don't care that you're thinking of Brad Pitt in a leather skirt." And they don't know either.
(18:17) It doesn't matter. You've given your partner a warm, receptive person to have sex with. Just don't tell them you're thinking about somebody else because they probably are too. Or if you feel comfortable, maybe you can share it. And one of my clients said, "I went home and said to my husband, okay, I want you to dominate me.
(18:34) " So, what shall I do? She went, "No, >> I want you to dominate." But what shall I do? She went, "Well, not that. That's not dominating me." >> So, she couldn't really understand. And I think when you can share fantasies with your partner, you're not being unfaithful. isn't you don't like them. It's just your the brain loves newness.
(18:57) Especially sexual erotic energy. >> It comes from some kind of newness. So there's nothing wrong with doing something different >> because when people go to or they go, I have sex and I'm on holiday. >> Well, that's cuz it's newness. You're in a new room in a new place. >> You're not worrying about the leaky fridge.
(19:15) So you're also a new person because all your cares have gone away. But getting people to understand that this is not that you're unfaithful. It isn't you don't desire your partner. You just want to make it more exciting. >> Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. I mean I I totally agree. And I think that the other thing people don't realize is like you don't need to have sex every single day, right? There's such a stigma is like if the relationship is thriving, we're having sex all the time.
(19:42) It's creating those times to really go deep into sex, right? So for people who have kids and they have busy jobs and it weighs down on them, it's like create, you know, a moment where, you know, the nanny comes, they take the kids, and you have three un uninterrupted hours and you have this amazing, incredible experience where you're the patient and he's the doctor and whatever it is that will fill you up for days to come versus, you know, the the short quickie that you're you're both not really in it. It's like really just permission to
(20:15) explore and expand. And I I think fantasy is such a rich thing because our imagination is is God, right? And it's if if we really believe that the universe is inside of us, so let's explore the universe, right? Let's spend some time. And I really believe that inviting both parties into that, you know, in whatever capacity that is, learning something new with your partner is so fantastic.
(20:44) There's so many methodologies out there. Tantra, BDSM work, you know, tantric BDSM. When you learn together with your partner and you open up this avenue for Johan and I continuously, we feel as if we're we found like a locked door in our house that we didn't know was there. and we open it up. It's a whole new universe >> because of course because you're expanding, you know, no one knows what the potential is, even your potential to orgasm.
(21:08) >> Yes. >> As you reach your potential, it expands. And again, and so you can never know what your potential is, but you always want to expand. >> And not contracting. Contracting is, oh, I'd look silly dressed up like that. I wouldn't know what to say. >> I'd be embarrassed. maybe I would be a disappointment rather than always expanding because the brain does not know whether this is really happening or if it's happening in your imagination and if your imagination is vivid then the brain thinks it's real.
(21:38) thinks you really are Brad Pitt or Beyonce and that or whatever it is, a nurse. >> I mean, so many fantasies is such a cliche >> and actually very powerful women really like that fantasy of domination up to a point because it's how they can go back into their feminine. >> Absolutely. >> So, I worked a lot with the female police officers who say, you know, I I really when I go home, >> I find it very hard to not still be that person who's lawabiding.
(22:07) >> Yeah. and and really running other people. And so you see, you're giving yourself permission to be someone else. >> Yes. Yes. Yeah. >> So, you shouldn't fear it. And if you want to be pregnant, you should actually use fantasy because it will make you much much more fertile. >> Oh my god. I I'm like that's genius.
(22:28) >> There's a book called Sperm Wars and it tells you all about it. Um it's really interesting book. >> But let's go back to the very beginning. You as a young girl had a lot of illnesses. You were in and out of hospital, I believe, for the first eight years of your life. And many people having had eight years of continuous illness began to think, "My body's let me down. I hate my own body.
(22:51) I have no faith in my body." But you, Rachel, turned that around and worshiped your body, loved your body. Tell me how that happened. >> It makes me emotional thinking about Yeah. I I the feeling was I I can't trust my body. >> Mhm. >> Because it was Yeah. >> It let you down. >> It let me down. Nothing I did was working.
(23:14) >> Yeah. >> And I really I think the first really incredible thing was I got into soccer at a very young age. That was such a powerful thing for me to play a sport with a group of women. And I I was definitely like the the team uh cheerleader. I was one, you know, like let's >> was this after you recovered from the illnesses? >> It was like at the very end >> because you had broken bones.
(23:37) Tell me what they were. You had broken bones. >> Menitis when I was 6 months old. So that was definitely the the the deepest one that set me off. Um and then >> and you're in hospital away from your parents as a small baby. >> My my blessed parents were with me every they one of them slept in the room with me at all times.
(23:59) So I'm I'm so lucky that I have two incredible parents, but it was definitely scary. I definitely think that they carried a lot of fear in them. >> So every time I was sick from I would say probably into my late 20s when I started really actively understanding the mind, anytime I would get sick, the thought would be like I'm going to die because that's how readily available it was.
(24:24) And yeah, collapsed lung, severe severe asthma. I would go into the hospital for asthma. all the time, broken bones. And yeah, my parents sent me into soccer, which I think was such a smart thing because it made me start to trust. And I also danced constantly. So, I had those two things to start to lead me back to my body. And I really it was it was soccer and being the cheerleader that started to make me understand and realize that it makes me emotional thinking about that that what we say and what we believe matters, you know, and I uh had a very like special
(25:05) connection with our goalie and every time there was like, you know, a penalty kick or or something, I would go up to her and I would give her a pep talk. And that was like what I was kind of known for. And I started to realize that this this thing matters. This thing works. >> What is this thing >> is is believing.
(25:28) >> Yeah. >> Radically believing. >> Dialoguing that believing. >> Dialoguing over and over again. Getting your whole body into it. Not just a thought, but your your physicality. Feeling it. Uh experiencing it in every cell. >> So it's more real. >> So it's more real. >> Yeah. >> And that was super impactful.
(25:46) I loved playing that part. Even though I played soccer, I could have played college. I wasn't really uh as into it as the rest of my friends, but I loved being that cheerleader >> because you were strong. >> I was very strong. >> And your body was running down the pitch and scoring goal. It was a very different body to the one in hospital with asthma.
(26:02) >> Yeah. >> And you did a lot of And you had scarred lungs, too, didn't you? >> Scarred lungs. And thank goodness for breath work, you know. It's It was Yeah, it was pretty much if I if I sleep I couldn't sleep over at someone's house two nights in a row because if I slept out of the house, I'll likely get sick and a cold will turn into an asthma attack and I'll be out of school and I'll be on a nebulizer.
(26:29) And so it was it was a very deep pattern, a deep belief that I have to be very delicate with myself. >> And how did you change that pattern? When did you become aware that you had the pattern? >> How did you change it? And how long did it take? >> I think I actually became fully aware of it in my early 20s. Okay. >> I definitely really focused on taking care of my body. I did a lot of yoga.
(26:56) I started doing yoga when I was 12. My mom's a huge yogi. She's been doing yoga for 50 years. So I knew that every time I was with my body, whether it was dance or soccer or yoga, I felt good. So that was the first step. And then when I was modeling in Germany, I had a roommate and I remember at this point I was always trying to lose weight.
(27:24) I was always trying to be a a certain measurement, a certain size. It was a constant battle for me. And no matter what I ate, no matter what I did, nothing changed. And I remember witnessing my roommate and she ate whatever she wanted and she did whatever she wanted and she was just she looked great.
(27:48) And I was like, what is the difference between her and me? And I realized her belief is different than mine. I was constantly thinking bad about myself. constantly thinking if I eat something it's going to make me this. And I was in a struggle with my system consistently. And then I witnessed her and she was just she loved her body exactly as it was.
(28:10) She didn't wasn't counting calories or cutting out fat or any of the things that you're programmed to do as a woman. And I started to realize, okay, this is a thing. And then when I became a yoga teacher and I started to understand the deeper aspects beyond asa, I was like, "Oh, there's something to this." And then I watched the secret when I was 18.
(28:32) And that was like a spark cuz I believed it, but I didn't have anyone else around me that could kind of confirm it. And then when I watched that, it was like, "Oh, this is a thing. This is an actual like real thing that people are doing." and I went on a tear. That's actually how I got my nickname, Positive Pringle, was after seeing that movie, a friend, a roommate in college gave me that nickname because I was the pied piper of positive thinking.
(29:01) >> And of course, you chose it. >> Yes, >> you chose it. You know, I I remember one day looking at a magazine going, I could never wear that. And I thought, I wonder how many years I've said that to myself. And I think I started when I was 13 or 14 saying, I couldn't eat that. My mother was always on a diet.
(29:16) Everything in our fridge was diet yogurt, >> diet milk, diet shakes. So, pretty much learn what you live. And so, I remember thinking, well, you have to diet. I probably had a little puppy fat as a kid, a little round tummy. And I thought, well, I've got to diet this away. >> And so, I began many, many years of >> dieting and thinking, I can't eat that >> and I can't wear that.
(29:39) I remember being terrified of going to my boyfriend's family reunion picnic because they would be eating sandwiches and cake and I'm like, "Oh my god, what will I do?" And it must have been at least 15 years ago when I thought, you know, how many years have I said that to myself? I made it my reality and there's no way I'm bringing up my daughter like that.
(29:58) So, I began to think the opposite. I can eat whatever I want and I can wear that and I can eat everything. You know, >> after years of dieting, my weight stayed exactly the same. I can wear whatever I want. I just wasted 15 years because I didn't understand that your psychology is having a full-on conversation with your biology.
(30:17) I can't eat that or I'll get fat becomes your reality. >> I can't wear that because I don't have a super flat washboard stomach. >> And when you say it, this this which is a proof making robot says, "Yeah, you can't eat that." Actually, if you say, "I get fat just looking at a cake." Do you know that thought creates cortisol and cortisol makes you gain weight? So it's true that you can say I can gain weight just thinking about cake.
(30:44) >> Yeah. >> Also true that you can >> be a perfect weight while eating cake. So we have to be very careful what we present the night because it presents it right back. >> Yeah. >> So you started modeling at five, didn't you? >> Maybe even younger. Yeah. I need to ask you about that because at that age you've learned something.
(31:06) Your value, your identity is what you look like. >> Yeah. >> What did that do to you growing up when your value was very much placed on what you looked like cuz you're a child model. >> Yeah. It was an it was an interesting combination because my mom was in fashion design and so on Sundays there was something called I think it was called style on CNN and they would show the runway shows. episode.
(31:29) I remember watching that I don't even from a tiny age and I was completely entranced with these women and I I the especially on runway the mag the magnetism and the charisma and the drama and I was so in love with it that was the connection point for me and has always been that and then when I got into the industry and I remember at 13 when I really started at you know being a woman being photographed not a woman and I asked the photographer how do I how do I look? Do I need to lose weight at 13 when I was like a stick? So, that was the the
(32:04) stigma that it was already in my system. And it was it was, you know, hell completely >> and and I was in a a self-made prison because I was constantly, like you said, uh thinking bad about myself and and in a vicious cycle of of, you know, starving and binging and nothing was ever good enough.
(32:29) And I remember and I did it for years and I did I was also a fit model when I was in my early 20s which is like you're a human mannequin. >> So they're measuring you every single day at work. You have to be this exact measurement in order to make the clothes. And it was one day called my mom. I was in the taxi cab and I was like I can't do this anymore because I I'm I'm in a prison.
(32:52) My mind is constantly berating me for everything that I do and I'm not enjoying this experience. This this experience where I'm living in New York City, I'm actually making tons of money. I have, you know, all this available to me and I I couldn't enjoy it. And at the time, I was I was actively in the secret. I was meditating.
(33:14) I had these I had one foot in both of these worlds. And I realized this world is is toxic. and and is making me even as a woman fit into this tiny version of what woman means. This is the way you are beautiful. And I felt in meditation and in and in breath and in yoga, I was like, I know there's more, you know, I can I can sense it.
(33:39) I can feel it in a part of me. I can also see it in others. And I I you know, quit. I was like, I'm moving to LA. I'm quitting. I'm I'm I'm getting out of this. I wanted to get into acting and that was its own crazy industry which is >> because you're still judged totally in what you look like >> completely.
(34:01) If you speak on the radio will go, "Hey, I love what you said." If you speak on they go, "I liked your shirt. Where did you get it from?" Or, "Oh, I like that." So, it's still to this day that when you speak >> just in audio, people will say, "Oh, I listened to you." But when you speak on screen, >> Yeah. >> they do judge you.
(34:18) They look at you and they judge you. >> And yoga is a great thing because it makes you love your body. The only way you can ever have a body you love is to love the only body you'll ever have. To go, gosh, my body is a priceless, mindbogling thing, and I should love it. But you see, the dieting industry says, >> "I got a solution for you.
(34:39) Starve yourself and then you'll lose weight." And when it doesn't work, they go, "Oh, well, you need a harder diet, a stricter diet, a more rigid diet. And it's all based on absolute selfhatred that punish those pounds. Have a thigh gap. Have a bikini bridge. Have a washboard stomach. And I'm amazed that for 60 years they fostered an industry of women hating their bodies.
(35:02) And I love it that our new generation of girls won't do body shaming, fat shaming. They just won't have it. And it really is about time. >> Yes. >> So you you you can only have a body you love by loving the body you have. So when I um had cancer twice, I thought, gosh, my body's been amazing. It's bad. I will never ever criticize it again because my body >> fought cancer and won twice.
(35:27) Therefore, I'd never go, "Oh yes, I've got wrinkly skin here now or wrinkly knees." You have to really stop beating up your body. >> Don't hate it. Love it. It's someone else's fantasy dream come true. Mhm. >> But it's still so sad that women are so judged by what they look like, >> what they weigh, what they wear.
(35:49) And we still don't really do that to men. >> Mhm. >> And women are still, you know, we still say, "But how can you be a great mother if you go to work?" No one's ever said that to a man. What you go to work? What about your children? They go, "I've got a wife at home looking after them." So women really, I remember watching Madonna when she was pregnant.
(36:08) Someone go, "Oh, look at Madonna. Not wearing leopard skin now looks rather fabulous." But if she was go, "Look at Madonna wearing leopard skin when she's pregnant. She just can't stop." >> So, someone's always going to criticize you. Someone's always going to compare you. >> Comparing is the thief of joy. You have to be the one that says, "I love my body.
(36:28) >> I love the wrinkles, the bags. I love the so I love all of it." >> Because it's amazing how many models who look beautiful. >> Yeah. And I've worked with many who will say, "Yeah, but you know, I remember talking to Eric Clapton's wife, Patty Boyd, and three songs. Something in the way she moves, wonderful, and Ila, and she said, you know, people expect a goddess to come in the room and I'm just me and those three songs made me feel so insecure because I could not live up to Wonderful Tonight, something the way she
(37:02) moves, and Leila cuz I'm just a person." And I've met many models who say, "My partner diminishes me >> because everyone thinks I'm beautiful." Or, "I don't think I'm beautiful. I can I could I can only see all my flaws." >> Yeah. It's a I remember the first time that I re I heard my intu intuition. That's what I like to call it.
(37:26) And I was I think I was 25. And at that point I maybe from the outside people thought I was really self-love and I was you know I had found the secret I had found meditation I was doing a lot of the work and that was when I first really started doing self-love and when I started that practice I baldled my eyes out >> because I realized because I realized that I wasn't really loving myself that I was loving a version of me that was acceptable in society.
(37:56) >> You were loving yourself conditionally. If I look like that, I'm okay. If I don't, I'm not okay. Having been a therapist my entire adult life, I've seen time and time again that people who appear to be perfect >> are the loneliest, most dissatisfied. People say, >> "Well, how come that model is so unhappy?" Or look at that beautiful I mean, look at someone like Judy Garland, Whitney Houston.
(38:21) Beauty, talent, brains, and tremendous dissatisfaction. And actually, if you want to be unhappy and lonely, try to be perfect. It's the fastest way to be dissatisfied with yourself. >> If you want to be happy and have friends, decide that you are flawsome. I'm a flawed person. >> Having flawed relationship with flawed people. It's called being flawsome.
(38:44) It's a very forgiving place to be. Being perfect is unforgiving >> because the basis of all friendship is we choose people who share our vulnerabilities. If you haven't got any, >> guess what? but you also haven't got any friends. >> No one feels safe with you. >> Well, they can't relate to you because you're perfect >> and they don't like it.
(39:02) You know, Bridget B would say whenever she got in a lift, other women would shout at her, sometimes spit at her. >> Wow. >> Cuz she looked so she said, "You know what? It didn't give me a minute's happiness. My animals give me happiness, but my beauty." And Greta Sachi was telling somebody that when she used to go to the store, grown men would run pant behind her. They couldn't.
(39:23) I mean, this girl was a goddess. And she said, "I'm never being he. I've got wrinkles and no makeup. They leave me alone." She said, "It's bliss." I hated being a man's fantasy figure. They were follow me up and down the aisle, follow me onto planes. I could never get him in its peace.
(39:41) Even if I want a baseball hat and no makeup, I couldn't really hide my body. And now it's all gone. I've never been happier. So we must get away from this belief that beauty makes you happy and that you've got to work for beauty then you might be happy. >> It's being flawsome that makes you happy. >> And feeling connected to your true self. >> Yeah. And other people of course.
(40:05) >> Exactly. Yeah. Absolutely. >> So you said something interesting that at a very young age you realized your sensuality in your sexuality was a power. you realized that you had a power particularly over men >> and that you took advantage of it and abused it. Tell me about that. Yeah, I think that to everything that we said, I realized at a very young age that my beauty had an effect on people.
(40:30) >> And it was of course alluring and empowering in a lot of ways to recognize that if I looked at someone in a particular way, I could get them to do something. And I definitely explored that in a in a not conscious way. And and I think I had a a strong affinity towards breaking up relationships, seeing if I could get the man to prove that I was whatever >> desirable.
(41:03) And you know I I don't regret anything in my life because I look back and it was such a an integral part of me understanding that with great power comes great responsibility and that we have we can affect others and how we are affecting others is either you know a gift or pain and so I I learned that later but when I created enough destruction it was very I think The most common thing that most women do, which is this part of me, my sexuality, my power, my prowess, my aeros is bad, is dangerous.
(41:41) It causes destruction and chaos. And I very quickly shut it down and decided that this version of me can't, you know, can't be present. And I kind of moved into the light. >> And how long did you shut it down for? >> Six years. Six years. It wasn't until I met Johan and he started to gently invite it forward because again I I'd been with men who were intimidated and who were jealous and who you know didn't know how to to be with my power because yeah they were insecure themselves and so I I felt like if I want to belong if
(42:22) I want to have relationship then I need to cut myself off from this part of me and it worked for a period of time and I became, you know, the safe girl and the sweet nice girl and that was uh great at making people feel good and wasn't great at making me feel good because I >> because you've amputated a part of yourself.
(42:48) >> Exactly. Completely. >> And you can't amputate. You can only put all the parts of you together as one happy integrated person. You cannot amputate. I just want to get rid of this bit of me or this part of me >> or I wish I didn't have legs like this when I could change them. >> But you have to accept all of you all of your flaws.
(43:06) >> You can't amputate. >> But you managed to for six years and then >> and then Johan was you know I'm great during those six years I did some deep work to realize that I was I was attracting relationships that I you know weren't working. And so I'm grateful for that time because I didn't, you know, I wasn't using my sexuality.
(43:27) So I was really inwards and I was studying and learning and discovering. And then I met Johan and we connected really deeply through spirituality. And he was like, there's more to you. There's where's your fire? Where's your darkness? You're, you know, and it was it was actually like a source of we used to fight over it consistently cuz I also would wear really baggy clothes and not show off my body.
(43:51) And he was like, "Why are you wearing that?" You know what? Why are you wearing a swimsuit that's two sizes too big for you? You know, he was he wanted me to be, you know, in a thong and topless on a beach. And I was like, "No, this is, you know, wanted me to wear skin tight. He wanted me to show off my body, show off my power.
(44:07) " I hadn't been with a a man like that, you know, in a very long time. And he was very adamant about, you know, activating this part of me. Not to say he did it in the best way. We were both young. We were both growing. This was part of our evolution. And I tried many things. I tried dying my hair dark to make me more edgy.
(44:31) And it wasn't actually until the the rupture a couple years in that I started to realize that this part of me needed to be integrated, you know. And I think like I I always like to talk about that there's these darker versions of us that want to be brought into the light and actualized in a safe way.
(44:54) Like there is a part of me that you know is a destroyer and she she wants to be alive but she wants to do it responsibly. So again, to go back to what we were talking about, I can be the destroyer in roleplay with my husband and I get to activate her fully and completely and let her breathe fire and, you know, tear [ __ ] down and make a whole incredible story. And it's safe.
(45:17) It's safe for me. It's activating for me. It's activating for my husband. So we really used all of these parts of me and parts of him that had been fractured and thrown away, rejected, abandoned, and started to incorporate them through sexuality and also through my work. That was when I started to develop WildWoman, which was originally the name of my women's workshop because I realized if I'm feeling this way, other women are feeling this way.
(45:47) Many, it's likely that many other women have cut themselves off from their sexuality or their darkness and they need a safe space to feel her and to activate her and to not have a a negative consequence, but have a positive consequence. So, we're not projecting it onto anyone or destroying relationships or, you know, fighting, but we're taking it into a room with other women and activating it and remembering that she this aspect of us is sacred and holy and powerful.
(46:21) She just needs to like embody herself and inhabit. You know, when we're younger, I really believe that we need to test boundaries. We don't know what what is right and wrong. That's why you can tell a kid that's hot. That fire is hot. And they're likely going to still touch it because they don't know what that means yet, you know? So, >> I didn't really know what my power could do until I crossed the edge.
(46:51) And the thing that, you know, I didn't have around me was someone telling me, "That's okay. You cross an edge, but that's not that part of you isn't bad. It's just when it expresses in this way irresponsibly, it can create a consequence that doesn't feel really good. So learning that we can be responsibly wild and that embodying and inhabiting our wild primal, you know, dark feminine in a responsible way is actually liberating and it frees people and that woman can walk into a room and and turn the whole room on, not by, you
(47:28) know, leaking her energy, but by inhabiting her full radiance. And she feels different. And it's a difference between going into a room at a party and seeing a woman and you can tell when she's trying to seduce and bring in energy, you know, which is what I used to do to get attention, significance, to feel important, to feel desired, versus the woman who's dancing in the middle of the room as an offering, as a gift, as an act of liberation and radiance.
(48:02) And that invites people to embody that in themselves. >> What would you say to women who say, you know, this all sounds great, but that's not me. I can't do that. I can't orgasm. I can't let go. >> Maybe I feel repressed. Or maybe I have been brought up to be a good girl. Perhaps it's a religion.
(48:21) Perhaps it's my culture. Because women have many justifications. My culture would never allow me to do that. >> My religion would say that's a sin. My personality can't let go like that and my body can't orgasm. You've got four different reasons why and I'm sure you see many of these women. So let's imagine a woman's come to you and she's telling you my body can't orgasm.
(48:45) >> My mind can't let go. I come from a cultural background that's not acceptable. My religion says that's totally wrong. >> What would you say? What would you do with what do you do with women like that? Because there are many many of them. >> Yeah. I would say then my favorite thing to do is to get a group of women together and to start sharing so that they recognize that their story is not their own, that it's a collective story.
(49:10) Especially when you have different women coming in with the same type of story from different cultures and they realize, okay, this is a a story that I'm telling, not necessarily who I am. And then putting them into practice, getting them actually into their body, to breathe in their body, to feel their body, to use their voice simp like simply through a a ritualistic practice where they're first safe, creating a safe container. We need to feel safe.
(49:39) Women are we're constantly worried about our own safety. So setting a safe container, whether it means you lock the door, no one's going to come in, no one's going to hear you, you get to be by yourself or with a group of women who are there for the same reason. You put on super loud music, and you just start to move and start slow, right? Not trying to get from zero to 100 and expect, you know, another expectancy on our body, a demand for us to reach a certain place, but to just simply feel.
(50:11) There's a practice that I love to do called soft touch, which we did a little bit of yesterday. >> And to simply start to gently caress their own arm, right? Something that feels super safe, just the inside of the wrist, slowly closing their eyes with beautiful music and just getting them to breathe and focus on the sensation.
(50:34) And if they do that for 10 minutes to track how they feel before and how they feel afterwards because the sensation in the body, right, and then saying something a mantra that you know keeps them tethered >> such as >> such as it's safe for me to feel, right? Or it's safe for me to receive or it's safe for me to receive pleasure.
(50:58) and going really slowly and letting that be a tether to feel the sensation and to use that body, breath, voice, imagination, that cycle. And then notice, okay, I felt a little bit lighter. My body opened. I felt something different. And then keep going. I really believe, and I know you believe this too, in consistency.
(51:21) You know, consistency is the thing. >> Yeah. The mind learns by repetition. >> Exactly. >> The more you do, the easier it is. the easier it is, the more you do it. And often women do have to teach themselves how to orgasm. Once you've taught yourself, oh, >> that aroused me. That felt amazing. >> The more you do it, the easier it is.
(51:38) The easier it is, the more you do it. >> Yeah. Yeah. And to be around people that have the same desire. We work and and receive and heal so much quicker when we're in a community where we're felt and understood. And so to continue to grow is like you said the our orgasmic potential.
(52:01) When I first met Johan, I had probably probably had three orgasms from intercourse my entire adult life. >> Wow. >> Three. And you were how old? >> I was 26. >> Gosh. >> And and then I met him and he had an incredible container and he made me feel so safe and I had really never felt that besides with my first love. Uh, so from from 18 to 26, I hadn't really had that experience of someone who could really hold all of me.
(52:29) >> And you know, it's very interesting talking about being safe because women don't realize how much of our behavior is to be safe. So if I was at home with my sister >> and I went to the bathroom, I'd never say come with me. If I'm in a club or a restaurant, I go, I'm going to the toilet.
(52:44) Do you want to come with me? >> And she'll say yes. And my friends go, yes, I'm coming with you. >> If those friends came to dinner at my house, they wouldn't go, I'm going to the bathroom. Do you want to come? Because women were very vulnerable. You lived in a tribe. You went to the bathroom on the corner on the outskirts and there could have been a snake >> or or a weird a weird person.
(53:02) So women went to the toilet in groups. Always went to and to this day we were out shopping. >> Yeah. >> And we said, "Come to the bathroom with me." And it's just a leftover belief that I'm safe in a group. But we never do it at home because we're safe in our home. >> Yeah. >> Women get very upset when their kids want to sleep with them at three.
(53:20) Children feel very safe with an adult. In fact, the woman you slept with literally slept in a group, the safer you were. So if you slept with five or six people in bed, you were safe. And on your own, you're really not safe. So we have to look at the fact that we think we're so modern. We got a we [ __ ] taxi.
(53:36) We can open our bank with our thumb. But we're actually very primitive >> and we need to feel safe. So when you find a partner >> who helps you feel safe, you can be you. But but maybe before that you have to be safe. So if a woman was listening and said, "Look, I can't go into a group. I'm at home. I want to be orgasmic.
(53:59) >> What can I do just to help me right now?" What would you say? >> I would say create the safest space in your home. So whatever that means to you that you need to feel safe, I always say, you know, the simple thing is like lock your door. >> Yeah. >> Cuz that makes you feel safe. turn turn the lights all the way on or all the way off. Some people want the lights on.
(54:20) Some people feel better with no light. They don't, you know, maybe it's not even safe for them to see themselves in the light. >> Yeah. >> Wear something that makes you feel safe. Put on music that makes you feel safe. Have the mantra, I am safe. And be >> gentle and be compassionate. You know, don't try to rush this process because the the process of falling in love with self is it's an in the greatest love affair that we'll ever have.
(54:48) It doesn't happen overnight. It's not meant to. >> So, be patient, gentle, and compassionate and learn. >> And don't judge your body. >> And don't judge your body. >> Look at what's wrong. Look at what's right. You've got a body. Yes. >> A body that can respond. A body that can have little electric shocks to touch. And nobody cares if you're not a perfect model. They don't care.
(55:09) They like a body that responds. So feel safe. >> Yeah. >> And tell yourself you are responsive. That you you were given all those signals for a reason. >> And of course for women, obviously I know you know this, but when a woman orgasms, some amazing things happen. Your body thinks, you know, you must be making a baby >> because most species only procreate to have a child.
(55:28) Therefore, if you're making a baby, that's not quite enough. You need to have the energy to get out of bed and look after that baby. So everything slows down when you orgasm. You actually can reverse your biological age by having lots of orgasms. Even if they're doing it yourself, because the brain has a belief you're making a baby, you need to be fit enough to raise that baby.
(55:50) We know that we make oxytocin when we orgasm. We also fight we make natural killer cells when we orgasm. So we slow down aging. >> We fight illness. We actually fight depression. And we make a really good hormone to this. And actually men don't have that. It's women that create these because men could make make a child and never be around.
(56:11) But women, >> we nobody tells us, you know, an orgasm is so good for you. How long do you spend putting your face and tapping it all in? Have an orgasm. It's it's so much better. It's cheaper, easier, and it feels good. >> Yes. So, we really have to help women understand that orgasms are so good for women >> and that it's not the guy's job to give you one.
(56:33) It's your job to believe that you can receive one, that you've got a super receptive body >> and that you're orgasmic. >> Absolutely. And even for for those who you haven't yet met that safe partner and that's also something to look for in partnership is not just someone who you feel crazy attracted to but someone you actually feel deeply safe to be all of you before that connect with women you know come together I'll never forget at age 28 being in a room with 27 other women and we were all doing sex magic together and it was one of the most
(57:06) powerful experiences of my entire life. It changed me. And if you're not ready for that, we have the beauty of the internet, you know, come together. I have a membership. I teach practices every week. You know, join online and get >> you're even more safe because because a lot of women, you know, they hear about some of these and not you of course, but they hear about things like was it the on meditation where she's now in jail? Yes.
(57:30) >> Where they think, but I'm not safe because there's no regulation here. There's no light. anybody could turn up and say, "Hey, I'm going to help you." And so women find it very hard to trust someone at that level. >> Mhm. >> And that's why it's good that you're a woman, not a man, because they definitely don't trust men to do that.
(57:49) >> But how would a woman know that they could find someone who they were safe to work with? >> So, let's say I'm at home. >> Um, maybe I'm going to come to your online group, but I want somebody face to face and I don't live anywhere near you. How would they know they were safe to work with somebody? >> I think it's really about trusting your body.
(58:11) You know, it's it's re the whole journey for me has been getting from the mind into the body and learning to trust my intuition, my gut. And we have receptors. You know, our body really goes into this incredible parasympathetic state when we feel like we can rest with someone and that someone is is there to serve us versus take something from us or manipulate us.
(58:35) And so really checking in, is this coming from my mind? Do I feel like I'm being convinced or manipulated or controlled or forced or uh you know told a beautiful story so I feel like I have to have it? I mean, I I'm a I watch all the cult documentaries because I find them super fascinating. >> You watch Twin Flame? >> Insane.
(58:57) >> Horrifying. >> Horri I watched that the entire thing in one night. >> Horrifying. >> Horrifying. And it's really coming from a uh controlling manipul manipulation and force of really brainwashing it. And we're getting out of the intelligence of the body. But when you are in something that is supportive, your system is totally relaxed. You feel at ease.
(59:22) You know, I I feel so grateful and it is it is my my deepest desire. The women yesterday, thank you for creating a safe space. >> Yeah, they were safe. And I loved it when you said there's no cameras, there's no filming because that's a bit of a oh, somebody I can't really let go if you're filming me. >> Of course, now so many women are aware that they may have hooked up with someone.
(59:44) M maybe they're filming them can be very difficult and okay well I can take them back to my house but what if I'm not safe so >> we have to really work on am I safe how can I be more safe >> and I going back to the other discussion is one of the things that really helped me come out of the crazy modeling and acting industry was was engaging in my strength of my body >> you know is really instead of trying to become skinny I focus on I want to be the strongest version of myself.
(1:00:15) >> Strong is so much better than skin. It's it's and it's and it's empowering to feel that I am fully inhabiting my body and also to learn how to defend ourselves to learn how to use the the power of our body of also of our mind to if and whenever you know hopefully never we're in a scenario that we're not we can't rely on our body but to to know how to support ourselves help ourselves taking a self-defense defense class krav magga these are things that I did in my late uh 20s with Johan.
(1:00:51) And they're incredible tools to know that if I get into a bind, I know what to do. I know how to take care of myself. I know how to, you know, hit them in the eyes, hit them in the neck, hit them in the balls. Don't do it once, do it three times. you know, understand that I am not uh vulnerable, that I have the power to support myself knowing that I don't feel that that will ever happen to me because I can feel the strength in my body.
(1:01:16) >> But also listen to your gut because people often say, you know, I knew it was a bad idea. >> Exactly. >> I knew >> there was something off. I just knew it, >> but I did it anyway. And then I got myself in a really scary listen to your gut. The gut is the second brain for a reason.
(1:01:34) And the brain may start to the gut just feels and it knows when something is off. So if your gut says it's wrong. >> Yeah. >> If your body says this is not right, listen to it because as you say, it's ancient wisdom. >> Yeah. Exactly. >> So let's talk about tantra. People think tantra is sex and tantra is just having pendra of sex for hours and hours and hours and you know I was having a joke with my plumber who was always not showing up and I said to him, I think you must be a tantric plumber.
(1:02:00) He said, "What do you mean?" I said, "Well, you know, I stay in all day. Nobody ever comes. That's Isn't that tantric?" He went, "Oh, I never thought about that. You know, I'm I'm here all day. >> Waiting for hours. Still no coming. >> Staying in all day. Staying in all day, nobody comes." >> But that's what people think tantra is.
(1:02:18) You Sting talked about 18our sessions with his wife, isn't it? Actually, it wasn't really like that. It was like meditation. Yes. So believe that tantra is just having penetrative sex and the man doesn't ejaculate for 10 hours. >> Mhm. >> That isn't tantra. But tell us what tantra is. >> It's one that's one aspect of tantra.
(1:02:41) I I really believe that tantra is it is life and it is the alchemy of life. It is being responsive to the aliveness of each moment. And so I really feel that tantra is the ability to transform, right? So using, this is a quote from Jamie Wheel that I always use because I love it. It's so simple but powerful. Using all of the raw material that arises for our ultimate transformation.
(1:03:12) And so I really before sex and with Johan and I and the work that we do with couples, sexuality is a pillar, but it's the last pillar that we touch because there's so much more to cover before we can really safely and responsibly move into these ecstatic states of aeros and unconditional aliveness.
(1:03:31) It is the ability to to be with all of life. Grief, sadness, rage, anger, shame, joy, pleasure, ecstasy, all of it. It's like the transmutation ability that we have as human beings because oftent times when we we grow up, we become almost scared of the world. You know, we're scared of the effect the world's effect on us or how we're going to affect the world and we're no longer malleable and and w with this dynamic connection with life.
(1:04:05) And I really believe that's what tantra is. If I'm feeling a trigger, what do I do with that trigger? Do I let it transform me or do I let it shut me down? You know, meditation, breath work, if I really believe that if someone is teaching you tantra and breath work and meditation is not included, that's not tantra. It's understanding how to really disappear.
(1:04:28) >> So tandra without breathnook and meditation is not tantra >> to me. No. >> Interesting. And I read somewhere recently that 50% of couples are not having sex. It's probably a lot more than that's the 50. They go, "Oh, no. We have best friend chemistry. We get on so well, but we don't have sex." And I've always thought a great relationship requires best friend chemistry, sexual chemistry, and deep respect and admiration.
(1:04:53) >> Yes. >> But what are we going to say to these maybe 60% of couples at least who don't have sex at all? And let's assume they got I mean it's one thing to say I'm 75. I've got some aches and pains and my husband's got insomnia or I've just that door I mean Jane von that that door shut now. I've had great sex. It's been amazing.
(1:05:15) I'm 80s something. I've shut the door. That's okay. But what would you say to someone who says we we have no interest in sex. We we get on great but there's no sex. I would say that maybe for a small percentage that might be true but for the majority of us we're as you said amputating a part of us. >> Yeah.
(1:05:38) And then there's some people who say I met someone didn't actually realign but the sex oh my god the sex was amazing and I stayed with the wrong person because the sex was so compelling. What would you say to them? >> I would say that that's not a sustainable relationship and it's likely going to not make you feel great about >> delaying the inevitable. can't work.
(1:05:55) So, I'm going to ask you some quick fire questions. >> Yes. >> What does the world wild mean to you today that it did not mean to you when you were 22? Define wild >> today for you. >> Wild today for me is liberation. It is permission. It is radiance. It's the ability to feel all of myself as a gift and a service to the world.
(1:06:20) to feel alive, to feel empowered, to feel confident, to feel erotically alive, awakened, and yeah, in a consistent state of ecstasy. >> And of course, whenever women read My Secret Garden, have you read Want the new book? >> No. >> Want is written by Jillian Anderson. It's all about women. Have that. My friend just gave me that book.
(1:06:40) >> And of course, the thing about 50 Shades of Gray, it did want gave women permission to fantasize. >> Yes. >> So, find some literature secret. My Secret Garden is great. Want is amazing. And Jillian's own fantasies in there actually, by the way. And Fifty Shades of Gray, I wouldn't say read that, but it did give women permission.
(1:07:00) >> I just got into in the last year and a half reading uh romanty and it has absolutely changed my life. It has been one of the most enjoyable >> romantic fantasy. romantic fantasy, sex, eroticism, dragons, >> fairies, >> and actually that's kind of why we like Game of Thrones so much, too, because there's a lot of sex in Game of Thrones.
(1:07:25) So, >> don't shut that part of yourself down. Reawaken it. It It's so good for you. So, my work begins here. The way you feel about everything comes down to the pictures you make in your head and the words you say to yourself. Your psychology talks your biology and this is a big proof making robot.
(1:07:48) So I start with a mind but you very much start with a body. >> Yeah. >> Are we doing the same thing or we doing something entirely different? >> I think we're doing the same thing. I really I believe that we need the body as much as we need the focus of our consciousness and awareness. But for me the the missing link like my from my childhood is been to fall in love with my body again and to feel my body and then to link my body with the pictures and images in my mind.
(1:08:14) >> And of course something magical happens. I do a lot of hypnosis. In hypnosis your critical factor shuts down. So your mind will accept brand new suggestions that might not be able to say it might be I can speak in public. I can get that promotion. But when the critical factor shuts down, the mind accepts the suggestion it wouldn't normally accept.
(1:08:32) Secondly, the brain sends different messages to the body and the body sends different messages back to the brain. This is safe. I can let go the most important words in the whole are not hold on, they are let go. >> So I use hypnosis and I know you you use trance. Yeah. >> Which is very much the same thing. Absolutely.
(1:08:55) So you're using deep movement, a dark room, sound, incantations. >> Yes. >> To make people more suggestible. Is that right? Or to have them accept suggestions. >> Yeah. To make them like pliable so that they can imprint the story that they want to live. >> And we're all suggestible. Just many of us give us the wrong suggestions.
(1:09:18) I can't do that. I can't let go. I don't respond. I remember years ago talking to a male hypnotist who said when people come in to see me main I can't get it up. What do you say as you unzip? He goes well I say I'm going to disappoint her. I can't sat going to leave. He goes oh when I unzip my flies the William the William is it the William tell overure plays symbols clash drums roll.
(1:09:41) >> And what he was saying is I have a very different picture going on in my head. So in the act of making love or having sensual sex, you got to change those pictures. I am a beautiful receptive woman >> or man and I am super receptive and my body is receptive to touch with the right person because whatever you tell your brain, it becomes your your words are shaping your reality.
(1:10:08) If your reality is, I'm not enjoying sex, I'm not good at sex, I can't respond, go back and look at the words and change them. >> Yes. >> If a woman can do one thing today on her own, to become a sensual woman, an orgasmic woman, a responsive woman, no partner, no candles, nothing to buy. >> Mhm. >> What would that one thing be? >> Put on some music.
(1:10:38) Close your eyes. Breathe and move exactly the way that your body wants. Not your mind, your body. Do that for 15 minutes. See how you feel. >> And don't look in the mirror. >> Close your eyes. >> Close your eyes. Be in your body. Just feel. >> Get out of performance. Don't do what you think you're supposed to do.
(1:11:01) >> Play music that really invites a version of you that is exciting. And then see what your body wants to do and get lost for at least 15 minutes. See how you feel. >> Lose your mind and come to your senses. >> Exactly. >> I use that expression a lot in my therapy room. Lose your mind. >> Come to your senses.
(1:11:23) It means stop thinking >> and start feeling. Take off the filter. Should I say this? Should I do that? >> So lose your mind. Come to your senses. >> Yes. >> Thank you, Rachel. We've learned a lot. You've been amazing. And how can we find you? >> You can find me on Instagram at positivepringle and also devotion method and my membership is called house of devotion.
(1:11:44) >> House of devotion. >> Yes. >> Thank you. Thank you so much. Such a pleasure. Thank you.