Author Name:iDIVA
Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@iDIVAOfficial
Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwUZf2WSe1Q
## వీడియో ముఖ్యమైన అంశాలు (తెలుగులో)
### 1. మహిళల ఆర్గాజం & సెల్ఫ్-ప్లెజర్
- చాలా మంది మహిళలు ఆర్గాజం గురించి సరైన అవగాహన లేకపోవడం వల్ల, సెక్స్లో సంతృప్తి పొందడం లేదు.
- సెక్స్ = పెనిట్రేషన్ అనే తప్పుడు ధారణ వల్ల, క్లిటోరిస్ స్టిమ్యులేషన్ను విస్మరిస్తున్నారు.
- వైబ్రేటర్లు/సెక్స్ టాయ్స్ వాడటం వల్ల చాలా మంది మహిళలు మొదటిసారిగా ఆర్గాజం అనుభవించారు.
- ఆర్గాజం ఆరోగ్యానికి మంచిది: ఒత్తిడి తగ్గిస్తుంది, బ్లడ్ ప్రెషర్ తగ్గుతుంది, హృదయ ఆరోగ్యం మెరుగుపడుతుంది.
### 2. సెక్స్ టాయ్స్ – సిగ్గు కాదు, టూల్స్
- సెక్స్ టాయ్స్ను "గ్యాడ్జెట్స్"గా కాకుండా, "ప్లెజర్ టూల్స్"గా చూడాలి.
- టాయ్స్ పార్ట్నర్కు పోటీ కాదు, సహకారి.
- బిగినర్స్ కోసం చిన్న ఎక్స్టర్నల్ వైబ్రేటర్ (లిప్స్టిక్ లాంటిది) మంచి స్టార్టర్.
- మరింత అడ్వాన్స్డ్ కోసం సక్షన్ + వైబ్రేషన్ కలిగిన టాయ్స్ (ఉదా: PI) ఉపయోగించవచ్చు.
- లూబ్రికెంట్ వాడటం, ఫోర్ప్లే ఎక్కువ చేసుకోవడం వల్ల సెక్స్ మరింత సౌకర్యవంతంగా ఉంటుంది.
### 3. పురుషుల అభద్రతలు & మిథ్యలు
- పురుషుల్లో సాధారణంగా ఉండే భయాలు:
- "నా పెనిస్ సైజ్ చిన్నది"
- "నా స్టామినా తక్కువ"
- "మాస్టర్బేషన్ వల్ల జుట్టు రాలడం, పింపుల్స్ వస్తాయి" (ఇవన్నీ నిజం కాదు)
- రోజూ మాస్టర్బేషన్ చేయడం సహజం, శరీరం తనకు తగ్గట్టుగానే రెస్పాండ్ అవుతుంది.
- సైజ్ లేదా స్టామినా కంటే, పార్ట్నర్కు ఏది ఇష్టమో అర్థం చేసుకోవడం ముఖ్యం.
### 4. భారతీయ మహిళలకు 5 ముఖ్యమైన సందేశాలు
1. **ప్లెజర్ సిగ్గుపడే విషయం కాదు** – మీకు ఆనందం పొందే హక్కు ఉంది.
2. **మీ ఇష్టాలు, అయిష్టాలు మాట్లాడండి** – పార్ట్నర్తో ఓపెన్గా సంభాషించండి.
3. **సెక్స్ = టీమ్ స్పోర్ట్** – ఇద్దరికీ సమానంగా ఆనందం ఉండాలి.
4. **టాయ్స్ వాడటం తప్పు కాదు** – అవి మీ ప్లెజర్ జర్నీలో సహాయపడతాయి.
5. **సిగ్గును వదిలేయండి** – సమాజం, కుటుంబం నేర్పిన "డోంట్స్"ను ప్రశ్నించండి.
### 5. ముగింపు సందేశం
- సెక్స్, ప్లెజర్ గురించి ఓపెన్గా మాట్లాడటం వల్ల మహిళలు, పురుషులు ఇద్దరూ ప్రయోజనం పొందుతారు.
- "మీ శరీరం, మీ ప్లెజర్, మీ ఎంపిక" – ఇది గుర్తుంచుకోవాల్సిన ముఖ్యమైన సందేశం.
***
**గమనిక:** ఈ వీడియోలో చర్చించిన అంశాలు వయోజనులకు సంబంధించినవి. మీరు కంఫర్టబుల్గా ఉన్నప్పుడు, నమ్మకమైన పార్ట్నర్ లేదా నిపుణులతో మాట్లాడటం మంచిది.
Transcript:
(00:00) Have you ever had an orgasm? >> If I had one wish, I wish it would ring vibrators. >> Dr. Tanya, you know me better as Dr. Cutrus. We have a very special guest for [music] a very special episode. She is a content creator. She's an author. She's a podcaster. She also established a sex toy brand.
(00:24) The only woman on the Indian internet who has said penis more times than I have. >> It vibrates. I don't know if you can see but you can feel >> um pretty powerful for such a small thing. >> Ohas partner help you masturbate. Yeah, it's your collaborator [music] not your competitor. >> If somebody had to build like an ideal sexy box, what would that ideal basic starter sex be? >> It's been such a [music] interesting decade. I think of me too of me too.
(00:50) >> Me too. Me too. Me too. >> 377 and it's milestones in a way you know >> women masturbate. It's such a normal [music] thing. >> There's so much moral panic about sex because of the conditioning around it. >> It's also important to address that orgasms are good for our health also. >> Pleasure isn't shameful and you should feel entitled to it.
(01:08) >> And this is [music] she comes first. [laughter] >> Welcome to the show, Lisa. >> Thanks, Daniel. That's such a sweet introduction. Oh my god. High five. You know what? I hope more people say penis on the internet and vulva. Yeah, we got a we we we have a ton of pleasure champions compared to before now.
(01:28) I'm just so happy, you know, >> which is so exciting to see. It's been such a sea change in I don't know even 5 years that uh I I I'm just like I'm very glad we live in this world now, >> right? Me too. Like you can you can get a sex toy with your Dalan Ata. It's just incredible. 10 minutes. Who would have thought it? You know, 10 years ago that seemed unthinkable.
(01:49) How has I mean you've seen things change especially with doing content and I mean obviously now building Lizus which I'm going to talk about. What is the change you've seen in the past 10 years you were one of the first few people who started doing this what is the difference you've seen in how it was when you came on the internet and now >> it's been such a interesting decade it really it's going to be 10 years next year I think.
(02:12) >> Wow. Um, and to think that back in so 2016 2017 when I started, you know, um, me too hadn't happened yet. Section 377 wasn't repealed. Jio wasn't yet like the mobile provider that brought the internet to everybody. Um, Instagram reels weren't a thing. Chat GPT didn't exist.
(02:35) You know, Blinket and Zeppto and Inam didn't like so many >> things. The pandemic hadn't happened yet. Oh gosh. so many things that have then gone on to shape um several aspects of just how we consume information uh um access to information about sex uh more rights-based approaches to these things. I mean I think of me too and section 377 as milestones in a way you know.
(02:56) >> Absolutely. >> Um especially in India where I feel like up until that point there was such public silence at least people were recognizing the consequences of shame and silence. I was in newspapers and people were on the streets and you know there was like a a collective subconscious I feel around the same time that I started content as well like I think a lot of people were just tired of this way of going about things where we pretend that you know sexual violence doesn't exist and everybody is straight and women [laughter]
(03:26) are not sexual and you know queer people should be invisible. I mean I think everyone just had had enough. I definitely started talking about sex because it came from a place of like someone's got to do this and then you know I'm imagining similar frustrations um brought you to doing that sort of work when you came to to doing it as well like we're all trying to uh enable the same sort of change I think >> yeah I think it's um it's very interesting to see how all of us were sitting with the same frustration you
(03:56) know it's it it just speaks to a larger problem that I mean you know women masturbate. It's such a normal thing. But you know as if somehow sex is dirty um pure and you know pleasure they don't know a lot of people actually get shocked when we say that women masturbate. There is such a shock to the system and I want to actually talk about masturbation for women and I want to talk about how content led you to building leis because obviously doing content is one thing but then building a brand around sexual pleasure and prioritizing that pleasure.
(04:40) That's really interesting. How did that happen? Tell me. >> So you know I was actually late to the masturbation party myself. Yeah, I masturbated for the first time like in my mid20s. I'd been sexually active for like eight or nine years. I had, you know, sex for the first time while in college. Um, but I just I had a boy.
(05:00) I thought I have a I'm having sex. I don't need to masturbate. This idea of like the male gaze being the lens by which even women learn about sex, especially I mean I'm 35 now. Like there were no Instagram reels about the clitoris when I was 15 and 16. There was no Instagram reels, you I feel like I was the last I I don't know exactly how old you are, but as a millennial, I think that was the last generation of people who grew up without smartphones.
(05:24) Like I got my first smartphone at 21 or something or 20. I can't remember exactly now, but it wasn't 12, you know? >> Yeah. And so I feel like even though I had so many um advantages in terms of like family being super chill and open growing up in Goa where in general attitudes are progressive and I never felt like women have to do things differently or I can't wear things or can't speak about things or whatever.
(05:47) But when it comes to things like masturbation and sexuality and things the conditioning is so deep rooted it's just there. Nobody even has to tell you it's just how the world makes you think. People think it's the natural order of things, you know, that men are sexual and women or that sex equals penetration. That just is what it is.
(06:03) >> As opposed to, you know, clitorol stimulation being central to um also what sex should entail. So, young Liisa didn't really know all that she knows today about her pleasure and hadn't thought that she had to investigate herself. You know, it also felt like this is the thing is like sex is better than masturbation.
(06:21) That's also a stereotype, right? That's the real deal. Why would partner No, you must be. Yeah. [laughter] So, I was late to the pleasure party actually, the self-pleasure party. And then when I did when I used when I used a toy for the first time, my mind was blown [laughter] like I my third eye was opened you know and this was like I was 27 years old 26 or 27 when I used my first toys almost 10 years ago around the time that I started my content and I thought if I with all the privilege that I had if my pleasure was a mystery to me even though
(06:53) I really had like a lot of stuff going for me in terms of ease of access and investigating this stuff I still was clueless, you know, about what exactly would get me to orgasm. I liked sex. It's not like I didn't enjoy it or that it was terrible or something, but the extent of how much pleasure my body was capable of experiencing was like news to me.
(07:16) And how easily and consistently it could be delivered like two minute, you know, two orgasms in two minutes, 10 if you like, just orgasm after orgasm. It seemed unthinkable. It seemed elusive and mysterious and like too much to ask for. I often faked it, you know. >> Yeah. until I >> as do a lot of people actually. >> Yeah, exactly.
(07:32) But toys changed that for me. It was such a radical like I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I was just like, "Oh my god." I I remember I have a YouTube video that I made nearly 10 years ago talking about female masturbation at that time. Leus starting a brand that was not even something that I' cons like it was nowhere in my imagination that that would ever be a possibility, you know.
(07:51) And I remember saying, "If I had one wish, I wish it would rain vibrators so that every [laughter] woman on the planet could own one." You know, [clears throat] >> what was your first sex toy that clearly had such an impact? >> It was just, dude, just clitorol stimulation delivered by a vibrator of any kind, even a small little wand, >> um, is so effective.
(08:14) I think the sensation of suction of vibration on the clitoris is so consistent and effective and it can keep going as long as you need it to at the speed and intensity that you needed to. I mean, it's hard for a human to even compete, but it's like imagine if you were doing um you know, I always use these analogies because I feel like it drives it home for people who haven't used a toy yet.
(08:33) Imagine if you wanted to make 10 glasses of nimukine and again you're squeezing the [ __ ] sorry squeezing the lemon by hand and then someone brings you a lemon squeezer a really good one and it's just like oh [laughter] that just so much more easily done you know or like accountants with calculators I use these analogies of just basic tools that make life easier and to me or even in the kitchen you know we have all these spoons and forks and knives and whatever all of this all these utensils you know there's a slotted spoon for frying and a
(09:00) cup spoon for dal and a flatter spoon for rice And and we don't think you're a bad cook cuz you need these spoons. In fact, we think you're a great cook cuz you have all the stuff you need to make this excellent meal. And like moms and nannies and things will be so particular about which item to use to serve what and the right vessel to cook it in.
(09:17) And you know, we recognize the power of tools. >> But in the bedroom somehow many people think we don't need tools or like are a little scared of using tools. Like technology is your friend. Man plus tool equals incredibly incredibly better at said action than man minus tool. Tool on its own cannot do said action.
(09:35) So don't be threatened by the tool. But like you plus tool like unbelievable, right? We like look at the the technology that is the role of technology. Man plus machine equals nothing is impossible. And so >> there's a sense of competition I feel like for a lot of people that they get worried that I can't perform like this mechanical tool can.
(09:55) So, um, >> you don't need to, you can just use the tool like your friend, right? It's your collaborator, not your competitor. And you don't even always need to use tools. Sometimes you might want to write a handwritten note. Sometimes you send an email, you know, um, or you want to take a walk sometimes.
(10:11) Sometimes you want to ride in a Ferrari. Um, so I think of it as like a both and rather than either or, you know. I I mean, I'm such a sucker for love. I I want a partner. A toy can't replace a partner. I have a partner that I'm so in love with, even though I own a sex toy company, but we certainly use the toys together. [laughter] Highly recommend.
(10:31) >> I love that. So, what sort of toys do you think? I mean, if somebody had to build like an ideal sex toy box, what would that ideal basic starter sex toy box include? >> So, I've actually brought my slightly advanced box. >> All right. >> Um because I did a little girl told me Yeah. technology. Yeah.
(10:50) told me we might want to discuss um you know how people can get their feet wet into the world of toys. So I think for a lot of people I imagine we're talking about women first. >> Yeah. >> Because we there's many people don't realize this. Exactly. She comes first. Absolutely. But many people don't realize this.
(11:08) There's stories out there for men as well. And I think sometimes this news is is reassuring to men because a lot of men are really like insecure about the idea of a woman having a toy. And I want to be like, dude, firstly, why? Like, h how can a how can a toy replace you? If that's all you're bringing to the table, honestly, then but then then then it looks like a you problem.
(11:28) [laughter] Okay, this should not even be a concern for you. If you're a good partner, how can you even think a toy can replace you? Secondly, there's toys for you too. So like come join in the fun because men play such an important role unfortunately in the lives of Indian women that if the man isn't on board, it's highly unlikely that the woman gets the toy.
(11:44) you know, most >> or she has to use it in secret. >> Oh, she has to use it in secret. You live with your dad till you live with your husband. That's the And so when do you have privacy or agency? It's like I really want the dads and the husbands to like get on board with this. You know, we [laughter] need we need them to support the journey.
(11:59) >> So what would be like the absolute must have somebody should have in their beginner toy box? Then >> for a lot of people the idea of penetration is a little intimidating with toys. So I always recommend people start with a external stimulator and something like lipstick from Lasus is really discreet and non intimidating most people who might be a little bit like toys really where do we put them you know I'm a bit scared they see this and they're like this isn't scary it's kind of cute and it's also not even that
(12:31) hard to keep it even like if someone found it on your table or anything it's highly unlikely they'll think much of it and so it vi vibrates. I don't know if you can see, but you can feel >> um pretty powerful for such a small little thing. >> And and and even if you're just exploring and you don't know what feels good for you, >> I have a teddy bear that you can put it on.
(12:51) Maybe they can see how much it shakes. [laughter] >> The teddy's having a good time. The teddy the teddy >> and this is like on the low mode. So you can It has several speeds and patterns and things like that. But a small toy like that, people don't often realize that such a small device can actually provide um the sort of clitorol stimulation that is very orgasmic and you can use it even over your clothes if you're not yet ready to make um you know direct contact.
(13:19) For some people it's like there's no hesitation and like toys. Yes, I want like bring it on. And for some people when I talk to people who've never used to story before, some people like really like what if I get you know I don't want to there's a lot of hesitation. So, I want to address wherever you stand on the spectrum. A toy like this can be a gentle, easy, discreet, non-threatening yet very effective start.
(13:40) >> Now, personally, I was one of those people who like, "Okay, well, you like go big or go. If I'm ready to do something, I want to like like yes, let's bring it, you know, I'm going to buy the lube and the cleaner and everything. Like, I want the I want the to the whole kit." But for many people, like they're not sure yet.
(13:56) This is like not a very expensive toy. It's it's discreet. It's effective. It's a nice starting point. I personally my favorite toy is this toy which um is it's it's called PI from Lius and it has both suction and vibration. So for people who are ready to try like for for the type of person who's really curious and pretty sure they want to try a toy and are willing to be a little more adventurous.
(14:19) I think this is a great first toy because it gives you two types of sensation and suction feels quite different from vibration. And even though they're both really pleasing, that direct um suction stimulation on the clitoris, this you cannot use over your clothes, it mimics really good oral sex, which I am a big fan of. >> Yay. >> So, um for the, you know, for that reason, I would say that if you're ready to ready to be a little bit more adventurous, then a toy like this is just such a fun way to experience two types of sensation. Um and suction is
(14:52) for most people quite lifealtering. It's just like imagine having the best oral sex you've ever had for as long as you want and and they never need to get up to breathe. It's [laughter] just >> and given that so many people never like so many women never experience oral sex >> because of the stigma around it or that it's >> I don't know it's it's not celebrated as much as like [ __ ] are.
(15:14) >> Yeah. I mean I think um we have a vulva thing right here. I feel like many people don't even know where their clitoris is honestly. You know, if you haven't taken a look at your ulva and everyone's telling you that sex equals penetration, you can forget that this this little baby at the top, I love your earrings.
(15:32) Um, yeah, [laughter] needs some love, you know. And so you would I mean many people when I launched PI it was our first product at less and many people were like what is this like where does [laughter] >> and and it was like no you know it's it's a clitoreral toy and so I did so much education around which we've all like you know talking about the clitoris is like my favorite thing to do cuz how can we allow for people not to know like there's just so much pleasure to be had right and so PI allows for these incredible earthshattering
(16:06) vibes and suction on the clid. I personally, because now of course I'm like a toy afficionado at this point, [laughter] I personally like using two toys at once. So if you want, so when we said kit, I think you should have an external toy, an internal toy, and lube. That's like a nice small kit. >> Uh there's a you you know more toys, more joys.
(16:28) So I I have I have like a toy box not even box drawer toy drawers at home that are like I I don't buy bags and shoes but I buy toys. Okay my savings not do not go into bags and shoes go into toys. So I have toys from all over the world. I have like a to like I am so into toys and it's it's it's a bit like potato chips you know when you have your first one you can't like no one can eat just one thing.
(16:49) >> You're [laughter] so effective. Do you agree with me? >> 100%. And I think toys have been lifealtering for me as well because I think the kind of school I come from where learning about sex has been very medical and very I don't know you know like I don't know orgasms are wonderful and there's so many different kinds of sex I learned so for me just celebrating an orgasm was so different from anything I'd ever studied in my life.
(17:30) And um now obviously like I'm trying to do more and more sexual medicine and trying to get more attention to it. The one thing that always happens in in the rooms also that I go to to talk about sexual medicine with other um medical doctors, with other scientists, with other like more science end of things people. We still haven't learned how to celebrate orgasms for the joy of it.
(17:56) We never think of like you know like that holistic aspect of health is not the absence is health right the absence of disease. >> Exactly. That whole um idea exploring that health is not the absence of disease. Health is like overall and holistic. The same way for sexual health. So for me toys were so they were such a challenge to me when they happened.
(18:21) The first toy I ever tried was from a company that sent it to me from the UK and excited see you know get a toy. This is after I became Dr. Cutrus. I'd never seen a toy before. I mean, I' seen them being sold in the UK, but once I used it, I was like, and that day, you know, like this is very um I think this may not sit well with a lot of people, but I went and told my mom about it.
(18:50) I went and sat sat and had a whole conversation with my mom about how we don't talk about orgasms for women. And hey mom, heads up. I'm going to be talking about this and I'm going to be talking about my orgasms. And I think that also a helped my mom understand why I'm so passionate about what I do. But b also helped her see somebody who's been a gynecologist for like 40 45 years who's been doing this day in day out advocating for other women.
(19:18) I don't think so. So for us toys changed our life in so many ways. >> They really do. I mean, I think for so many people, they you don't know until you try it. You know, people don't know what they're missing out until they try one. And for me, too, like I said, I was sexually active for many, many years and think, I don't need to like I and you know, they had a kind of like like what's what type of person uses toys? Like toys have this strange um stigma attached to them until recently.
(19:45) I've really I have tried I want to take like a lot of credit for helping dismantle the stigma but I feel like myself I myself thought oh this is like more of a gag for a bachelorette party or like this is just a >> back in the day at least I mean we didn't have all of the internet um sex positivity and feminism that we have today right I'm I'm talking 1015 years ago when I was growing up firstly there were no toys available in India and you there was this idea that they're like a novelty item or or or kind of like I
(20:14) don't know um a bit embarrassing or sleazy or something rather than a wellness item. You know, they hadn't been marketed correctly and and I think people just didn't know because there was there was less education around it. Mainly you would see dildos or something and >> absolutely massive ones and huge ones.
(20:31) >> Comically massive. >> Exactly. So it felt a bit more like this was for shits and giggles instead of this is a tool that can change your life and well-being in radical ways, which it ended up being for me, you know. And I think it's also important to address that orgasms are good for our health also. Not that there's anything wrong with pleasure.
(20:52) Orgasms help lower blood pressure. They support your cardiovascular health. They lower stress. They just they're a medical intervention. We should be prescribing orgasms. Orgasms are good for you. >> There we go. I mean, from the horse's mouth. You know, people think I say that to sell the toys. They get it so wrong. >> I sell the toys because of this.
(21:12) Don't buy my toys. Buy any toys. I [laughter] don't care, dude. Do it with your fingers or your jet spray. Like, just have the jet. [laughter] >> Okay, fine. Don't do it with your jet spray. That's why I make the toys again. But [laughter] I'm just saying like people think that that that we're li like there's so much moral panic about sex because of the conditioning around it.
(21:32) >> Also, because there's a woman talking about it >> and a woman talking about that people want to are like reluctant to believe how good it is for you. But sexual fulfillment and pleasure is so enlivening also, you know, like it it's so affirming. I feel like there's no human um experience that can provide quite that level of just profound >> I am alive. I'm happy to be alive. Yeah.
(21:57) Then a great orgasm. You know, I wouldn't want I can't imagine my life without orgasms. >> So self so orgasms are like an act of self-love then. And but also together like I think even with a partner it can be such a profound thing to connect in that way right when you both are experiencing pleasure of that intensity together and enabling it for each other.
(22:18) So both solo and partnered orgasms for me are very powerful. Um mental, physical, emotional, health, all I feel just like but I was telling you so okay last thing and then we can cuz I could talk about toys all day but I know we have other things to talk about also but my favorite way to use if you're building your toy box and now you have the external toy and you have the internal toy.
(22:42) These are these are two like basic toys I feel that as a valva hav you will enjoy. Right now my favorite thing to do is to use them together. Yeah. When you realize you can use two toys at the same time, it's like new level unlocked. Um so because unlike a dual action toy that has both, you know, like a rabbit or something where the clitoreral and the internal are attached to the same mechanism.
(23:08) So, you have to put the inside first in order for the rabbit to touch the [ __ ] >> I love starting with the [ __ ] stimulator, >> getting all nice and warmed up, like you're nice and excited and maybe even having an orgasm first this way, and then adding in the penetration because the clitoreral stimulation when coupled with penetration can be even more intense than clitoreral stimulation on its own.
(23:32) For me personally, just penetration doesn't do much. But clitoreral stimulation and penetration at the same time does more than just clitoreral stimulation. For a lot of people, that's like a whole journey. This little secret I've just unearthed right now. You know, it came from 10 years of masturbating. I'm kidding. [laughter] It can take a lot of trial and error for people to figure it out cuz most people often think, "Oh, I want to buy a sex toy.
(23:53) I'm just going to buy this." [clears throat] >> Yeah. >> And then you can even use this externally. It vibrates and it feels really nice. But it takes it's like a bit of you have to kind of like do a lot of experimenting to realize oh what if I had this and this at the same time even though they're both there I think people think you know use one toy at a time or the phallic object is more likely to be pleasurable or whatever it is they work great together really just absolutely great you will see stars.
(24:19) [laughter] >> So advocating for orgasms running a sex toy brand. Woohoo! Love the technicol stuff. [laughter] >> You can all our feminist fantasies. >> Wow, that is a definitely a multi-use toy. [laughter] >> I'm joking. It's so You can ride it, you know. It sticks sticks to whatever surface you like. And I we like penises.
(24:40) I was kidding, right? >> I was kidding. >> I feel like so many people feel that the only way to use a toy is like because of that's the kind of interpretation they've seen. So many people a don't know toys but I mean you know there's the beauty of toys and the beauty of life is that there's so much variety.
(25:02) There's like you know there's inserting toys, there's external toys, there's >> you know you can also use them all over the place. I feel like people don't realize also that like there's no wrong way to use a toy. I mean apart from some certain considerations where like you wouldn't put [clears throat] a we were talking earlier you wouldn't put a toy without a flared base up your bum.
(25:19) Um you can actually use the um sensations they provide anywhere you like on your inner thigh vibration can feel good or like you could use suction on the nipple. Yeah, >> exactly. >> Or even on your partner's body like it's just novel sensations that can feel really nice and the way tickling or any kind of touch feels nice.
(25:40) I feel like um if one lets one's imagination wander and embrace and you embrace the spirit of play, you just like there's so much pleasure to be unearthed. >> So much to enjoy. >> Yeah. >> So between advocating for orgasms, between running a brand, between you know doing everything you do with content, screaming about joy and pleasure, it's a lot to do.
(26:04) So how are you living your beast life? >> It is a lot honestly. Thank you. I feel so seen. I feel so seen because people think like this crazy lady on the internet talking about orgasms, she must be having orgies on the weekend. >> I mean, so what if you are? Maybe [clears throat] that's live. >> I wish I wish I wish I wish.
(26:20) WHERE ARE THE ORGIES AT GUYS? Why am I not invited? No, but of frankly on most nights I am at my computer. But I um like to exercise. I find exercise to be one of my um the ways I live my beast life. I think it's also one of those underrated aspects of overall well-being, not just physical health. For me, it keeps my mental health um you know, as sort of positive as possible.
(26:46) Just movement and sweating, it's so good for you. Even your sexual health, I find exercise, exercise and meeting friends to me are two core aspects of well-being um that I try and incorporate into my life along with all the work. Not meeting friends socially, but meeting people who make me feel seen.
(27:03) It can be one friend, you know, >> but just like that sense of support and belonging and >> connection, I think, is so important to well-being. >> It's it's it's good for the heart. It's good for the for the health in every way as I as orgasms actually. >> Exactly. All of these things, right? [laughter] Orgasms, exercise, >> cardiovascular health support system.
(27:22) >> Yes. Exactly. [laughter] Exactly. I'm doing what I need to for my heart >> in more ways than one. >> Yes. But I think um one of the things that I have experienced in talking about sex and pleasure and obviously I do it from a more of a health angle because that's just how I see the world. Um you do it more from a pleasure angle.
(27:45) I feel like I'm sure we get similar kinds of DMs, but there must be a difference in the sort of nuance of it. You you would definitely get more pleasure stuff. I definitely get more health stuff. What do you think would be like the top five kinds of DMs that you receive that are just like every single day you're getting the same like you know this categories? >> Yeah, there's a uh I would say if I were to bracket by gender um from women I often get I've never had an orgasm.
(28:17) How can I have an orgasm? >> Um why doesn't sex with my husband result in orgasm? I'm able to do it when I masturbate. Questions about like the mysterious and elusive female orgasm and how to unlock it. >> It doesn't help that we've been sold this, I don't know, almost um difficult idea of an orgasm.
(28:36) You know, it's so difficult to satisfy a woman. >> Exactly. It's just that they've been doing it all wrong. Right. Imagine if we were like stroking men's balls and expecting them to come. >> Right. by insisting on penetration as the be all and end all of sex, I feel like the clitoreral stimulation that's so central gets relegated to the realm of optional foreplay, you know, [laughter] but anyway um so like yeah, I guess unlocking pleasure um for women and also I also get why is why is sex uncomfortable for me? Um you know I think the the idea of going from zero to
(29:08) penetration which is how many people sex is a short act where >> you know and and and I think the in a way the solutions are related more foreplay using lubricant using to all of this stuff allows for your body to be relaxed and aroused in and and just lube I mean most people don't know about lube you know so discomfort during sex and absence of pleasure was two of the most common concerns I would get for women and that's partly why I wanted to be able to why I started Lis for and and for men it would be like you know I I
(29:41) don't last long enough how could I get a bigger penis um will I be able to please my partner uh also lots of myths around masturbation like what will this long list of horrible things will I lose my hair will I get pimples will I what all bad things can happen to me if I masturbate because I masturbate every day I was like it's okay has anything >> you actually use this one analogy somewhere about and we were doing a panel somewhere and you said something about swimming, not dancing.
(30:08) >> Yeah. >> Like can you dance too much? >> Exactly. [laughter] >> It's like if you dance 1 hour a day or swim 1 hour a day is probably pretty good for you, right? And the and your own body will not allow for you to dance 8 hours a day like [laughter] you going to be tired. There's a refractory period [snorts] even from ejaculation.
(30:27) I think porn consumption where even if you've come but you can just keep watching it. But in social media things like that can just keep you there too long and they bucket it all together you know. >> Yeah. >> Um >> and similarly for size I feel like about the size of their penis because like I mean if I have an itch on my back and you're scratching my cheeky cheeky scratch the H is here.
(30:58) And that is the thing we don't teach people focus for actually bringing an orgasm for a woman. But that you know like how big is the penis which is irrelevant at the end of the day even people who have a clinical penis. >> I want I want to bring out because we have this like kind of big penis over here.
(31:18) I feel like we should just just for context I just want people to know >> just want people to know that we sell as many of these as we do of these. Okay. >> Oh yeah. So, you know, different strokes for different folks. There's some people who like this and there's some people like this and there's a lot of people on in each category and on and and when you can't control because you don't always get to choose.
(31:37) You're allowed to have preferences. It's okay to have preferences. I mean, I have really small boobs. There's probably lots of dudes out there who wish their girlfriend would have really big boobs. You're allowed to have preferences, right? But we don't always get to choose. And the good thing is >> everything works.
(31:50) You just need to know what to do with it. Like, all penises are good penises. All boobs are good boobs. And I'm not just saying it. Yeah, >> it is true. >> Somebody is into everything. >> Somebody's going to love exactly what you have. But also, whatever you have, you can really work with it. >> Like you just got to, you know, bad carpenters blame their tools.
(32:07) You just got to be a good carpenter. Okay. You make your tools work. >> Somewhere that every insecurity is somebody's kink. >> True. >> Everybody like so so many people feel weird about the size of their penis, about their breast, but maybe people are into that. Similarly, there's so much stress on like stamina and how long you can perform. Another very common mix.
(32:27) >> Stamina. >> Stamina. Do you also get that a lot? >> Yeah. People want to, you know, they worry how long they whether they last long enough, what they can do to last longer, >> you know, and people worry so much about stamina and how long they're lasting. We can do techniques. We can do pelvic floor exercises.
(32:48) There even herbs like shilit that people can use to support their energy and their stamina. So the options are definitely there. I think question answer this exact same thing. There is so much male stress, there is so much insecurity around their size, their stamina, their performance >> that you know for women it becomes purity and for men it becomes performance.
(33:14) And I feel like we've lost great sex to all this [ __ ] Exactly. >> Totally. >> I'm I'm just glad that there's there's voices like you that are doing the work that has to be done to scream about orgasms to make it joyful. So, on a closing note, this has been a really lovely conversation. This is like what I love to do.
(33:34) I glad I get to do this for a living. >> I know, right? >> What a privilege. >> Totally. What would be five things you would like to tell Indian women about their pleasure as somebody who owns a pleasure brand? >> One, pleasure isn't shameful and you should feel entitled to it. Like I wish someone had told me that it was a journey even for me.
(33:56) You know, I think most people most women would still feel hesitant to even say I like sex. >> Yeah. >> Just admitting that even if you do. >> I'm sure we're going to get a lot of weird comments about us talking about this. >> Yeah, sure. I mean, we're programmed from such a young age to feel like pleasure is not something we're entitled to.
(34:12) And not only in the bedroom, sit with your legs crossed. You know, it's hard for me to sit like this, dude. Like, I really this is comfortable, but it is hard for me to sit like this. I've just learned to do this. That is muscle memory. Sit with your legs crossed. Don't laugh loudly. Don't talk too much. Don't, you know, like there's all of these don't don't don't have fun.
(34:29) Don't look like you're having fun. >> Don't enjoy with your friends out in a boutique. >> You can't do that. There's like this war against women having agency and pleasure and it's a whole system right once we people think this is the natural order of things right that women just like cooking and like being quiet and like covering themselves up and s that women are just like this >> and men are just like that but >> it's their nature >> you know but the the and that's how insidious patriarchy is.
(34:58) It's so effectively, relentlessly, and like for so many years just been the way that we've been raised that we don't even see it until we see it and then we can't unsee it. So I feel like when you realize how systemically as a woman your agency and sense of entitlement to any sort of joy has been scrutinized, surveiled, controlled, >> robbed, >> robbed, you know, and and I always think of Sorry about maybe we'll just do one thing because I can't seem to do any points quickly.
(35:25) [laughter] >> No, I love that. [gasps] But when you think about the fact that women, good girls are not supposed to know about sex, >> talk about sex, let alone enjoy sex or tell someone what they want in bed, right? And so then sex is going to be pretty awful. >> Yeah. >> If you can't feel like your pleasure matters and ask for what you want, you might not even know what feels good for you.
(35:49) Like so many women, as I was saying, the common one of the more common questions is sex is not comfortable for me. But imagine >> and you know we live in a country where marital rape is still legal. Even the law >> reiterates this idea that your agency does not matter, right? And that it is some sort of duty and you should just lie back and take it.
(36:17) So this idea that you're passive recipient in this act that's just being done to you is something >> that's being done to you. Exactly. that you're not this is it should be a shared pleasure is a team sport when you're not doing it solo it ought to be mutually pleasurable right and I think men don't need convincing that their pleasure matters or they feel entitled to pleasure and good for I do everyone's pleasure matters but it's it's like high time we level the playing field and enable women and support women and encourage women to say things like I
(36:44) like sex and this is what I like and this is how I want this to be done and I'm going to do things and you know and so I hope I also I really want men to come on this journey, you know, like we need men to support this, not think it's >> not my problem. >> Yeah. >> So, I always think that partners can stand to play a really important um >> uh place in in each other's life and in the sort of like sexual confidence of one another.
(37:10) So, for women, I hope you feel that sexual confidence and and and really exercise it. And I hope that any men watching support their female partners. like do every damn thing you can to make sure she has the best orgasm, [laughter] you know? >> Yeah. Yeah. It's it's meant to be a shared journey. It's meant to be a collective thing.
(37:30) We're not meant to figure out uh and unlearn our shame just by ourselves. I think if we all learn to talk about this and just I don't know lose some inhibition. [laughter] Sex is integral to all of us. So let's unlearn some shame. Thank you so much. This has been so lovely. >> Thank you for having me and thank you for all the amazing work you do.
(37:59) >> Right back at you. >> Thank you. >> [music]
(00:00) Have you ever had an orgasm? >> If I had one wish, I wish it would ring vibrators. >> Dr. Tanya, you know me better as Dr. Cutrus. We have a very special guest for [music] a very special episode. She is a content creator. She's an author. She's a podcaster. She also established a sex toy brand.
(00:24) The only woman on the Indian internet who has said penis more times than I have. >> It vibrates. I don't know if you can see but you can feel >> um pretty powerful for such a small thing. >> Ohas partner help you masturbate. Yeah, it's your collaborator [music] not your competitor. >> If somebody had to build like an ideal sexy box, what would that ideal basic starter sex be? >> It's been such a [music] interesting decade. I think of me too of me too.
(00:50) >> Me too. Me too. Me too. >> 377 and it's milestones in a way you know >> women masturbate. It's such a normal [music] thing. >> There's so much moral panic about sex because of the conditioning around it. >> It's also important to address that orgasms are good for our health also. >> Pleasure isn't shameful and you should feel entitled to it.
(01:08) >> And this is [music] she comes first. [laughter] >> Welcome to the show, Lisa. >> Thanks, Daniel. That's such a sweet introduction. Oh my god. High five. You know what? I hope more people say penis on the internet and vulva. Yeah, we got a we we we have a ton of pleasure champions compared to before now.
(01:28) I'm just so happy, you know, >> which is so exciting to see. It's been such a sea change in I don't know even 5 years that uh I I I'm just like I'm very glad we live in this world now, >> right? Me too. Like you can you can get a sex toy with your Dalan Ata. It's just incredible. 10 minutes. Who would have thought it? You know, 10 years ago that seemed unthinkable.
(01:49) How has I mean you've seen things change especially with doing content and I mean obviously now building Lizus which I'm going to talk about. What is the change you've seen in the past 10 years you were one of the first few people who started doing this what is the difference you've seen in how it was when you came on the internet and now >> it's been such a interesting decade it really it's going to be 10 years next year I think.
(02:12) >> Wow. Um, and to think that back in so 2016 2017 when I started, you know, um, me too hadn't happened yet. Section 377 wasn't repealed. Jio wasn't yet like the mobile provider that brought the internet to everybody. Um, Instagram reels weren't a thing. Chat GPT didn't exist.
(02:35) You know, Blinket and Zeppto and Inam didn't like so many >> things. The pandemic hadn't happened yet. Oh gosh. so many things that have then gone on to shape um several aspects of just how we consume information uh um access to information about sex uh more rights-based approaches to these things. I mean I think of me too and section 377 as milestones in a way you know.
(02:56) >> Absolutely. >> Um especially in India where I feel like up until that point there was such public silence at least people were recognizing the consequences of shame and silence. I was in newspapers and people were on the streets and you know there was like a a collective subconscious I feel around the same time that I started content as well like I think a lot of people were just tired of this way of going about things where we pretend that you know sexual violence doesn't exist and everybody is straight and women [laughter]
(03:26) are not sexual and you know queer people should be invisible. I mean I think everyone just had had enough. I definitely started talking about sex because it came from a place of like someone's got to do this and then you know I'm imagining similar frustrations um brought you to doing that sort of work when you came to to doing it as well like we're all trying to uh enable the same sort of change I think >> yeah I think it's um it's very interesting to see how all of us were sitting with the same frustration you
(03:56) know it's it it just speaks to a larger problem that I mean you know women masturbate. It's such a normal thing. But you know as if somehow sex is dirty um pure and you know pleasure they don't know a lot of people actually get shocked when we say that women masturbate. There is such a shock to the system and I want to actually talk about masturbation for women and I want to talk about how content led you to building leis because obviously doing content is one thing but then building a brand around sexual pleasure and prioritizing that pleasure.
(04:40) That's really interesting. How did that happen? Tell me. >> So you know I was actually late to the masturbation party myself. Yeah, I masturbated for the first time like in my mid20s. I'd been sexually active for like eight or nine years. I had, you know, sex for the first time while in college. Um, but I just I had a boy.
(05:00) I thought I have a I'm having sex. I don't need to masturbate. This idea of like the male gaze being the lens by which even women learn about sex, especially I mean I'm 35 now. Like there were no Instagram reels about the clitoris when I was 15 and 16. There was no Instagram reels, you I feel like I was the last I I don't know exactly how old you are, but as a millennial, I think that was the last generation of people who grew up without smartphones.
(05:24) Like I got my first smartphone at 21 or something or 20. I can't remember exactly now, but it wasn't 12, you know? >> Yeah. And so I feel like even though I had so many um advantages in terms of like family being super chill and open growing up in Goa where in general attitudes are progressive and I never felt like women have to do things differently or I can't wear things or can't speak about things or whatever.
(05:47) But when it comes to things like masturbation and sexuality and things the conditioning is so deep rooted it's just there. Nobody even has to tell you it's just how the world makes you think. People think it's the natural order of things, you know, that men are sexual and women or that sex equals penetration. That just is what it is.
(06:03) >> As opposed to, you know, clitorol stimulation being central to um also what sex should entail. So, young Liisa didn't really know all that she knows today about her pleasure and hadn't thought that she had to investigate herself. You know, it also felt like this is the thing is like sex is better than masturbation.
(06:21) That's also a stereotype, right? That's the real deal. Why would partner No, you must be. Yeah. [laughter] So, I was late to the pleasure party actually, the self-pleasure party. And then when I did when I used when I used a toy for the first time, my mind was blown [laughter] like I my third eye was opened you know and this was like I was 27 years old 26 or 27 when I used my first toys almost 10 years ago around the time that I started my content and I thought if I with all the privilege that I had if my pleasure was a mystery to me even though
(06:53) I really had like a lot of stuff going for me in terms of ease of access and investigating this stuff I still was clueless, you know, about what exactly would get me to orgasm. I liked sex. It's not like I didn't enjoy it or that it was terrible or something, but the extent of how much pleasure my body was capable of experiencing was like news to me.
(07:16) And how easily and consistently it could be delivered like two minute, you know, two orgasms in two minutes, 10 if you like, just orgasm after orgasm. It seemed unthinkable. It seemed elusive and mysterious and like too much to ask for. I often faked it, you know. >> Yeah. until I >> as do a lot of people actually. >> Yeah, exactly.
(07:32) But toys changed that for me. It was such a radical like I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I was just like, "Oh my god." I I remember I have a YouTube video that I made nearly 10 years ago talking about female masturbation at that time. Leus starting a brand that was not even something that I' cons like it was nowhere in my imagination that that would ever be a possibility, you know.
(07:51) And I remember saying, "If I had one wish, I wish it would rain vibrators so that every [laughter] woman on the planet could own one." You know, [clears throat] >> what was your first sex toy that clearly had such an impact? >> It was just, dude, just clitorol stimulation delivered by a vibrator of any kind, even a small little wand, >> um, is so effective.
(08:14) I think the sensation of suction of vibration on the clitoris is so consistent and effective and it can keep going as long as you need it to at the speed and intensity that you needed to. I mean, it's hard for a human to even compete, but it's like imagine if you were doing um you know, I always use these analogies because I feel like it drives it home for people who haven't used a toy yet.
(08:33) Imagine if you wanted to make 10 glasses of nimukine and again you're squeezing the [ __ ] sorry squeezing the lemon by hand and then someone brings you a lemon squeezer a really good one and it's just like oh [laughter] that just so much more easily done you know or like accountants with calculators I use these analogies of just basic tools that make life easier and to me or even in the kitchen you know we have all these spoons and forks and knives and whatever all of this all these utensils you know there's a slotted spoon for frying and a
(09:00) cup spoon for dal and a flatter spoon for rice And and we don't think you're a bad cook cuz you need these spoons. In fact, we think you're a great cook cuz you have all the stuff you need to make this excellent meal. And like moms and nannies and things will be so particular about which item to use to serve what and the right vessel to cook it in.
(09:17) And you know, we recognize the power of tools. >> But in the bedroom somehow many people think we don't need tools or like are a little scared of using tools. Like technology is your friend. Man plus tool equals incredibly incredibly better at said action than man minus tool. Tool on its own cannot do said action.
(09:35) So don't be threatened by the tool. But like you plus tool like unbelievable, right? We like look at the the technology that is the role of technology. Man plus machine equals nothing is impossible. And so >> there's a sense of competition I feel like for a lot of people that they get worried that I can't perform like this mechanical tool can.
(09:55) So, um, >> you don't need to, you can just use the tool like your friend, right? It's your collaborator, not your competitor. And you don't even always need to use tools. Sometimes you might want to write a handwritten note. Sometimes you send an email, you know, um, or you want to take a walk sometimes.
(10:11) Sometimes you want to ride in a Ferrari. Um, so I think of it as like a both and rather than either or, you know. I I mean, I'm such a sucker for love. I I want a partner. A toy can't replace a partner. I have a partner that I'm so in love with, even though I own a sex toy company, but we certainly use the toys together. [laughter] Highly recommend.
(10:31) >> I love that. So, what sort of toys do you think? I mean, if somebody had to build like an ideal sex toy box, what would that ideal basic starter sex toy box include? >> So, I've actually brought my slightly advanced box. >> All right. >> Um because I did a little girl told me Yeah. technology. Yeah.
(10:50) told me we might want to discuss um you know how people can get their feet wet into the world of toys. So I think for a lot of people I imagine we're talking about women first. >> Yeah. >> Because we there's many people don't realize this. Exactly. She comes first. Absolutely. But many people don't realize this.
(11:08) There's stories out there for men as well. And I think sometimes this news is is reassuring to men because a lot of men are really like insecure about the idea of a woman having a toy. And I want to be like, dude, firstly, why? Like, h how can a how can a toy replace you? If that's all you're bringing to the table, honestly, then but then then then it looks like a you problem.
(11:28) [laughter] Okay, this should not even be a concern for you. If you're a good partner, how can you even think a toy can replace you? Secondly, there's toys for you too. So like come join in the fun because men play such an important role unfortunately in the lives of Indian women that if the man isn't on board, it's highly unlikely that the woman gets the toy.
(11:44) you know, most >> or she has to use it in secret. >> Oh, she has to use it in secret. You live with your dad till you live with your husband. That's the And so when do you have privacy or agency? It's like I really want the dads and the husbands to like get on board with this. You know, we [laughter] need we need them to support the journey.
(11:59) >> So what would be like the absolute must have somebody should have in their beginner toy box? Then >> for a lot of people the idea of penetration is a little intimidating with toys. So I always recommend people start with a external stimulator and something like lipstick from Lasus is really discreet and non intimidating most people who might be a little bit like toys really where do we put them you know I'm a bit scared they see this and they're like this isn't scary it's kind of cute and it's also not even that
(12:31) hard to keep it even like if someone found it on your table or anything it's highly unlikely they'll think much of it and so it vi vibrates. I don't know if you can see, but you can feel >> um pretty powerful for such a small little thing. >> And and and even if you're just exploring and you don't know what feels good for you, >> I have a teddy bear that you can put it on.
(12:51) Maybe they can see how much it shakes. [laughter] >> The teddy's having a good time. The teddy the teddy >> and this is like on the low mode. So you can It has several speeds and patterns and things like that. But a small toy like that, people don't often realize that such a small device can actually provide um the sort of clitorol stimulation that is very orgasmic and you can use it even over your clothes if you're not yet ready to make um you know direct contact.
(13:19) For some people it's like there's no hesitation and like toys. Yes, I want like bring it on. And for some people when I talk to people who've never used to story before, some people like really like what if I get you know I don't want to there's a lot of hesitation. So, I want to address wherever you stand on the spectrum. A toy like this can be a gentle, easy, discreet, non-threatening yet very effective start.
(13:40) >> Now, personally, I was one of those people who like, "Okay, well, you like go big or go. If I'm ready to do something, I want to like like yes, let's bring it, you know, I'm going to buy the lube and the cleaner and everything. Like, I want the I want the to the whole kit." But for many people, like they're not sure yet.
(13:56) This is like not a very expensive toy. It's it's discreet. It's effective. It's a nice starting point. I personally my favorite toy is this toy which um is it's it's called PI from Lius and it has both suction and vibration. So for people who are ready to try like for for the type of person who's really curious and pretty sure they want to try a toy and are willing to be a little more adventurous.
(14:19) I think this is a great first toy because it gives you two types of sensation and suction feels quite different from vibration. And even though they're both really pleasing, that direct um suction stimulation on the clitoris, this you cannot use over your clothes, it mimics really good oral sex, which I am a big fan of. >> Yay. >> So, um for the, you know, for that reason, I would say that if you're ready to ready to be a little bit more adventurous, then a toy like this is just such a fun way to experience two types of sensation. Um and suction is
(14:52) for most people quite lifealtering. It's just like imagine having the best oral sex you've ever had for as long as you want and and they never need to get up to breathe. It's [laughter] just >> and given that so many people never like so many women never experience oral sex >> because of the stigma around it or that it's >> I don't know it's it's not celebrated as much as like [ __ ] are.
(15:14) >> Yeah. I mean I think um we have a vulva thing right here. I feel like many people don't even know where their clitoris is honestly. You know, if you haven't taken a look at your ulva and everyone's telling you that sex equals penetration, you can forget that this this little baby at the top, I love your earrings.
(15:32) Um, yeah, [laughter] needs some love, you know. And so you would I mean many people when I launched PI it was our first product at less and many people were like what is this like where does [laughter] >> and and it was like no you know it's it's a clitoreral toy and so I did so much education around which we've all like you know talking about the clitoris is like my favorite thing to do cuz how can we allow for people not to know like there's just so much pleasure to be had right and so PI allows for these incredible earthshattering
(16:06) vibes and suction on the clid. I personally, because now of course I'm like a toy afficionado at this point, [laughter] I personally like using two toys at once. So if you want, so when we said kit, I think you should have an external toy, an internal toy, and lube. That's like a nice small kit. >> Uh there's a you you know more toys, more joys.
(16:28) So I I have I have like a toy box not even box drawer toy drawers at home that are like I I don't buy bags and shoes but I buy toys. Okay my savings not do not go into bags and shoes go into toys. So I have toys from all over the world. I have like a to like I am so into toys and it's it's it's a bit like potato chips you know when you have your first one you can't like no one can eat just one thing.
(16:49) >> You're [laughter] so effective. Do you agree with me? >> 100%. And I think toys have been lifealtering for me as well because I think the kind of school I come from where learning about sex has been very medical and very I don't know you know like I don't know orgasms are wonderful and there's so many different kinds of sex I learned so for me just celebrating an orgasm was so different from anything I'd ever studied in my life.
(17:30) And um now obviously like I'm trying to do more and more sexual medicine and trying to get more attention to it. The one thing that always happens in in the rooms also that I go to to talk about sexual medicine with other um medical doctors, with other scientists, with other like more science end of things people. We still haven't learned how to celebrate orgasms for the joy of it.
(17:56) We never think of like you know like that holistic aspect of health is not the absence is health right the absence of disease. >> Exactly. That whole um idea exploring that health is not the absence of disease. Health is like overall and holistic. The same way for sexual health. So for me toys were so they were such a challenge to me when they happened.
(18:21) The first toy I ever tried was from a company that sent it to me from the UK and excited see you know get a toy. This is after I became Dr. Cutrus. I'd never seen a toy before. I mean, I' seen them being sold in the UK, but once I used it, I was like, and that day, you know, like this is very um I think this may not sit well with a lot of people, but I went and told my mom about it.
(18:50) I went and sat sat and had a whole conversation with my mom about how we don't talk about orgasms for women. And hey mom, heads up. I'm going to be talking about this and I'm going to be talking about my orgasms. And I think that also a helped my mom understand why I'm so passionate about what I do. But b also helped her see somebody who's been a gynecologist for like 40 45 years who's been doing this day in day out advocating for other women.
(19:18) I don't think so. So for us toys changed our life in so many ways. >> They really do. I mean, I think for so many people, they you don't know until you try it. You know, people don't know what they're missing out until they try one. And for me, too, like I said, I was sexually active for many, many years and think, I don't need to like I and you know, they had a kind of like like what's what type of person uses toys? Like toys have this strange um stigma attached to them until recently.
(19:45) I've really I have tried I want to take like a lot of credit for helping dismantle the stigma but I feel like myself I myself thought oh this is like more of a gag for a bachelorette party or like this is just a >> back in the day at least I mean we didn't have all of the internet um sex positivity and feminism that we have today right I'm I'm talking 1015 years ago when I was growing up firstly there were no toys available in India and you there was this idea that they're like a novelty item or or or kind of like I
(20:14) don't know um a bit embarrassing or sleazy or something rather than a wellness item. You know, they hadn't been marketed correctly and and I think people just didn't know because there was there was less education around it. Mainly you would see dildos or something and >> absolutely massive ones and huge ones.
(20:31) >> Comically massive. >> Exactly. So it felt a bit more like this was for shits and giggles instead of this is a tool that can change your life and well-being in radical ways, which it ended up being for me, you know. And I think it's also important to address that orgasms are good for our health also. Not that there's anything wrong with pleasure.
(20:52) Orgasms help lower blood pressure. They support your cardiovascular health. They lower stress. They just they're a medical intervention. We should be prescribing orgasms. Orgasms are good for you. >> There we go. I mean, from the horse's mouth. You know, people think I say that to sell the toys. They get it so wrong. >> I sell the toys because of this.
(21:12) Don't buy my toys. Buy any toys. I [laughter] don't care, dude. Do it with your fingers or your jet spray. Like, just have the jet. [laughter] >> Okay, fine. Don't do it with your jet spray. That's why I make the toys again. But [laughter] I'm just saying like people think that that that we're li like there's so much moral panic about sex because of the conditioning around it.
(21:32) >> Also, because there's a woman talking about it >> and a woman talking about that people want to are like reluctant to believe how good it is for you. But sexual fulfillment and pleasure is so enlivening also, you know, like it it's so affirming. I feel like there's no human um experience that can provide quite that level of just profound >> I am alive. I'm happy to be alive. Yeah.
(21:57) Then a great orgasm. You know, I wouldn't want I can't imagine my life without orgasms. >> So self so orgasms are like an act of self-love then. And but also together like I think even with a partner it can be such a profound thing to connect in that way right when you both are experiencing pleasure of that intensity together and enabling it for each other.
(22:18) So both solo and partnered orgasms for me are very powerful. Um mental, physical, emotional, health, all I feel just like but I was telling you so okay last thing and then we can cuz I could talk about toys all day but I know we have other things to talk about also but my favorite way to use if you're building your toy box and now you have the external toy and you have the internal toy.
(22:42) These are these are two like basic toys I feel that as a valva hav you will enjoy. Right now my favorite thing to do is to use them together. Yeah. When you realize you can use two toys at the same time, it's like new level unlocked. Um so because unlike a dual action toy that has both, you know, like a rabbit or something where the clitoreral and the internal are attached to the same mechanism.
(23:08) So, you have to put the inside first in order for the rabbit to touch the [ __ ] >> I love starting with the [ __ ] stimulator, >> getting all nice and warmed up, like you're nice and excited and maybe even having an orgasm first this way, and then adding in the penetration because the clitoreral stimulation when coupled with penetration can be even more intense than clitoreral stimulation on its own.
(23:32) For me personally, just penetration doesn't do much. But clitoreral stimulation and penetration at the same time does more than just clitoreral stimulation. For a lot of people, that's like a whole journey. This little secret I've just unearthed right now. You know, it came from 10 years of masturbating. I'm kidding. [laughter] It can take a lot of trial and error for people to figure it out cuz most people often think, "Oh, I want to buy a sex toy.
(23:53) I'm just going to buy this." [clears throat] >> Yeah. >> And then you can even use this externally. It vibrates and it feels really nice. But it takes it's like a bit of you have to kind of like do a lot of experimenting to realize oh what if I had this and this at the same time even though they're both there I think people think you know use one toy at a time or the phallic object is more likely to be pleasurable or whatever it is they work great together really just absolutely great you will see stars.
(24:19) [laughter] >> So advocating for orgasms running a sex toy brand. Woohoo! Love the technicol stuff. [laughter] >> You can all our feminist fantasies. >> Wow, that is a definitely a multi-use toy. [laughter] >> I'm joking. It's so You can ride it, you know. It sticks sticks to whatever surface you like. And I we like penises.
(24:40) I was kidding, right? >> I was kidding. >> I feel like so many people feel that the only way to use a toy is like because of that's the kind of interpretation they've seen. So many people a don't know toys but I mean you know there's the beauty of toys and the beauty of life is that there's so much variety.
(25:02) There's like you know there's inserting toys, there's external toys, there's >> you know you can also use them all over the place. I feel like people don't realize also that like there's no wrong way to use a toy. I mean apart from some certain considerations where like you wouldn't put [clears throat] a we were talking earlier you wouldn't put a toy without a flared base up your bum.
(25:19) Um you can actually use the um sensations they provide anywhere you like on your inner thigh vibration can feel good or like you could use suction on the nipple. Yeah, >> exactly. >> Or even on your partner's body like it's just novel sensations that can feel really nice and the way tickling or any kind of touch feels nice.
(25:40) I feel like um if one lets one's imagination wander and embrace and you embrace the spirit of play, you just like there's so much pleasure to be unearthed. >> So much to enjoy. >> Yeah. >> So between advocating for orgasms, between running a brand, between you know doing everything you do with content, screaming about joy and pleasure, it's a lot to do.
(26:04) So how are you living your beast life? >> It is a lot honestly. Thank you. I feel so seen. I feel so seen because people think like this crazy lady on the internet talking about orgasms, she must be having orgies on the weekend. >> I mean, so what if you are? Maybe [clears throat] that's live. >> I wish I wish I wish I wish.
(26:20) WHERE ARE THE ORGIES AT GUYS? Why am I not invited? No, but of frankly on most nights I am at my computer. But I um like to exercise. I find exercise to be one of my um the ways I live my beast life. I think it's also one of those underrated aspects of overall well-being, not just physical health. For me, it keeps my mental health um you know, as sort of positive as possible.
(26:46) Just movement and sweating, it's so good for you. Even your sexual health, I find exercise, exercise and meeting friends to me are two core aspects of well-being um that I try and incorporate into my life along with all the work. Not meeting friends socially, but meeting people who make me feel seen.
(27:03) It can be one friend, you know, >> but just like that sense of support and belonging and >> connection, I think, is so important to well-being. >> It's it's it's good for the heart. It's good for the for the health in every way as I as orgasms actually. >> Exactly. All of these things, right? [laughter] Orgasms, exercise, >> cardiovascular health support system.
(27:22) >> Yes. Exactly. [laughter] Exactly. I'm doing what I need to for my heart >> in more ways than one. >> Yes. But I think um one of the things that I have experienced in talking about sex and pleasure and obviously I do it from a more of a health angle because that's just how I see the world. Um you do it more from a pleasure angle.
(27:45) I feel like I'm sure we get similar kinds of DMs, but there must be a difference in the sort of nuance of it. You you would definitely get more pleasure stuff. I definitely get more health stuff. What do you think would be like the top five kinds of DMs that you receive that are just like every single day you're getting the same like you know this categories? >> Yeah, there's a uh I would say if I were to bracket by gender um from women I often get I've never had an orgasm.
(28:17) How can I have an orgasm? >> Um why doesn't sex with my husband result in orgasm? I'm able to do it when I masturbate. Questions about like the mysterious and elusive female orgasm and how to unlock it. >> It doesn't help that we've been sold this, I don't know, almost um difficult idea of an orgasm.
(28:36) You know, it's so difficult to satisfy a woman. >> Exactly. It's just that they've been doing it all wrong. Right. Imagine if we were like stroking men's balls and expecting them to come. >> Right. by insisting on penetration as the be all and end all of sex, I feel like the clitoreral stimulation that's so central gets relegated to the realm of optional foreplay, you know, [laughter] but anyway um so like yeah, I guess unlocking pleasure um for women and also I also get why is why is sex uncomfortable for me? Um you know I think the the idea of going from zero to
(29:08) penetration which is how many people sex is a short act where >> you know and and and I think the in a way the solutions are related more foreplay using lubricant using to all of this stuff allows for your body to be relaxed and aroused in and and just lube I mean most people don't know about lube you know so discomfort during sex and absence of pleasure was two of the most common concerns I would get for women and that's partly why I wanted to be able to why I started Lis for and and for men it would be like you know I I
(29:41) don't last long enough how could I get a bigger penis um will I be able to please my partner uh also lots of myths around masturbation like what will this long list of horrible things will I lose my hair will I get pimples will I what all bad things can happen to me if I masturbate because I masturbate every day I was like it's okay has anything >> you actually use this one analogy somewhere about and we were doing a panel somewhere and you said something about swimming, not dancing.
(30:08) >> Yeah. >> Like can you dance too much? >> Exactly. [laughter] >> It's like if you dance 1 hour a day or swim 1 hour a day is probably pretty good for you, right? And the and your own body will not allow for you to dance 8 hours a day like [laughter] you going to be tired. There's a refractory period [snorts] even from ejaculation.
(30:27) I think porn consumption where even if you've come but you can just keep watching it. But in social media things like that can just keep you there too long and they bucket it all together you know. >> Yeah. >> Um >> and similarly for size I feel like about the size of their penis because like I mean if I have an itch on my back and you're scratching my cheeky cheeky scratch the H is here.
(30:58) And that is the thing we don't teach people focus for actually bringing an orgasm for a woman. But that you know like how big is the penis which is irrelevant at the end of the day even people who have a clinical penis. >> I want I want to bring out because we have this like kind of big penis over here.
(31:18) I feel like we should just just for context I just want people to know >> just want people to know that we sell as many of these as we do of these. Okay. >> Oh yeah. So, you know, different strokes for different folks. There's some people who like this and there's some people like this and there's a lot of people on in each category and on and and when you can't control because you don't always get to choose.
(31:37) You're allowed to have preferences. It's okay to have preferences. I mean, I have really small boobs. There's probably lots of dudes out there who wish their girlfriend would have really big boobs. You're allowed to have preferences, right? But we don't always get to choose. And the good thing is >> everything works.
(31:50) You just need to know what to do with it. Like, all penises are good penises. All boobs are good boobs. And I'm not just saying it. Yeah, >> it is true. >> Somebody is into everything. >> Somebody's going to love exactly what you have. But also, whatever you have, you can really work with it. >> Like you just got to, you know, bad carpenters blame their tools.
(32:07) You just got to be a good carpenter. Okay. You make your tools work. >> Somewhere that every insecurity is somebody's kink. >> True. >> Everybody like so so many people feel weird about the size of their penis, about their breast, but maybe people are into that. Similarly, there's so much stress on like stamina and how long you can perform. Another very common mix.
(32:27) >> Stamina. >> Stamina. Do you also get that a lot? >> Yeah. People want to, you know, they worry how long they whether they last long enough, what they can do to last longer, >> you know, and people worry so much about stamina and how long they're lasting. We can do techniques. We can do pelvic floor exercises.
(32:48) There even herbs like shilit that people can use to support their energy and their stamina. So the options are definitely there. I think question answer this exact same thing. There is so much male stress, there is so much insecurity around their size, their stamina, their performance >> that you know for women it becomes purity and for men it becomes performance.
(33:14) And I feel like we've lost great sex to all this [ __ ] Exactly. >> Totally. >> I'm I'm just glad that there's there's voices like you that are doing the work that has to be done to scream about orgasms to make it joyful. So, on a closing note, this has been a really lovely conversation. This is like what I love to do.
(33:34) I glad I get to do this for a living. >> I know, right? >> What a privilege. >> Totally. What would be five things you would like to tell Indian women about their pleasure as somebody who owns a pleasure brand? >> One, pleasure isn't shameful and you should feel entitled to it. Like I wish someone had told me that it was a journey even for me.
(33:56) You know, I think most people most women would still feel hesitant to even say I like sex. >> Yeah. >> Just admitting that even if you do. >> I'm sure we're going to get a lot of weird comments about us talking about this. >> Yeah, sure. I mean, we're programmed from such a young age to feel like pleasure is not something we're entitled to.
(34:12) And not only in the bedroom, sit with your legs crossed. You know, it's hard for me to sit like this, dude. Like, I really this is comfortable, but it is hard for me to sit like this. I've just learned to do this. That is muscle memory. Sit with your legs crossed. Don't laugh loudly. Don't talk too much. Don't, you know, like there's all of these don't don't don't have fun.
(34:29) Don't look like you're having fun. >> Don't enjoy with your friends out in a boutique. >> You can't do that. There's like this war against women having agency and pleasure and it's a whole system right once we people think this is the natural order of things right that women just like cooking and like being quiet and like covering themselves up and s that women are just like this >> and men are just like that but >> it's their nature >> you know but the the and that's how insidious patriarchy is.
(34:58) It's so effectively, relentlessly, and like for so many years just been the way that we've been raised that we don't even see it until we see it and then we can't unsee it. So I feel like when you realize how systemically as a woman your agency and sense of entitlement to any sort of joy has been scrutinized, surveiled, controlled, >> robbed, >> robbed, you know, and and I always think of Sorry about maybe we'll just do one thing because I can't seem to do any points quickly.
(35:25) [laughter] >> No, I love that. [gasps] But when you think about the fact that women, good girls are not supposed to know about sex, >> talk about sex, let alone enjoy sex or tell someone what they want in bed, right? And so then sex is going to be pretty awful. >> Yeah. >> If you can't feel like your pleasure matters and ask for what you want, you might not even know what feels good for you.
(35:49) Like so many women, as I was saying, the common one of the more common questions is sex is not comfortable for me. But imagine >> and you know we live in a country where marital rape is still legal. Even the law >> reiterates this idea that your agency does not matter, right? And that it is some sort of duty and you should just lie back and take it.
(36:17) So this idea that you're passive recipient in this act that's just being done to you is something >> that's being done to you. Exactly. that you're not this is it should be a shared pleasure is a team sport when you're not doing it solo it ought to be mutually pleasurable right and I think men don't need convincing that their pleasure matters or they feel entitled to pleasure and good for I do everyone's pleasure matters but it's it's like high time we level the playing field and enable women and support women and encourage women to say things like I
(36:44) like sex and this is what I like and this is how I want this to be done and I'm going to do things and you know and so I hope I also I really want men to come on this journey, you know, like we need men to support this, not think it's >> not my problem. >> Yeah. >> So, I always think that partners can stand to play a really important um >> uh place in in each other's life and in the sort of like sexual confidence of one another.
(37:10) So, for women, I hope you feel that sexual confidence and and and really exercise it. And I hope that any men watching support their female partners. like do every damn thing you can to make sure she has the best orgasm, [laughter] you know? >> Yeah. Yeah. It's it's meant to be a shared journey. It's meant to be a collective thing.
(37:30) We're not meant to figure out uh and unlearn our shame just by ourselves. I think if we all learn to talk about this and just I don't know lose some inhibition. [laughter] Sex is integral to all of us. So let's unlearn some shame. Thank you so much. This has been so lovely. >> Thank you for having me and thank you for all the amazing work you do.
(37:59) >> Right back at you. >> Thank you. >> [music]
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