#1 Psychologist on TOXIC RELATIONSHIP & TRAUMA | TJW51 @getmetherapy
Author Name:Shobha Rana
Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@iamshobharana
Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlbBdKmChPQ
Transcript:
(00:00) what is a toxic relationship and how do you not label one particular reaction from a person as a red flag and completely discard them when we look for love we don't look for safety we look for what is familiar so a lot of times we end up in toxic relationships and abusive relationships because those feel like home so red flag number one checks your boyfriend number one breakup Two Breakup three breakup four breakup and then you enter a middle age of 3540 and you're absolutely alone and you're like I'm not compatible with anyone in the
(00:29) evening if I'm able to forgive myself for the mistake then it's not guilt right because guilt will say oh my God I am such a loser when you're ready to be vulnerable it becomes 10 times easier for the person in front of you to become vulnerable when you're being kind to yourself there is also a risk of toxic positivity so if we move out of our comfort zone too far we Panic what we don't realize is that we don't need to move completely out of our comfort zone we can just stretch a little bit people think that routines are boring and if
(01:03) you have a routine you have to be disciplined and to be disciplined you can't have any free time to do whatever you want but you will be surprised at the amount of free time you have and the energy you have when you actually have a routine and science says that three to four cycles of will actually relieve your mind and relieve your stress and it's the fastest most efficient way to do it welcome to the journey within podcast with me sharana this is a podcast where we try to Deep dive into the personal growth journeys of our guests their
(01:44) journeys of self-discovery and ultimately transforming themselves and their perspective we try to understand the connection between our inner world where the processing of our emotions happens and the outer world where we live our life with our experiences with people with our aspirations goals and everything anything else today joining us on this podcast is founder of get me therapy Prince seni through her platform she's trying to help people understand the concept of therapy and also normalize the conversations about mental
(02:14) health and our emotional wealth so let's meet her and deep dive into understanding our own mental and emotional health please welcome princey seni to the journey within podcast Hi princy how are you Hi sha I'm good how are you I'm great as well princy seeing your presence you have such a divine presence and your page get me therapy is helping so many people to understand the concept of therapy to also get therapy and counseling and to revive their mental health and also emotional health in in certain areas so princy I want to
(02:46) talk about your personal Journey your personal story because you know what happens when you take up uh a subject as beautiful as psychology as intriguing as psychology there is something that has you know kind of signaled you in that Direction so what was that for you I was very young I was in sixth grade when I got my first panic attack and I remember feeling very differently all the other kids were feeling differently and I was feeling these this breathlessness and I could not remember what I was reading and these panic attacks kept happening
(03:18) year over year and I knew something was different with me and even then I knew that nothing was wrong that some somebody needed to tell me what was happening and whenever my parents took me to a doctor it got misdiagnosed for example once we went to an emergency my parents touched me to an emergency and uh the doctor said I had exam phobia uh and I knew in my heart that that was not true so I started reading everything that I can on psychology when you were just in sixth grade I was just like a 11 12 year old kid at that yes I was very
(03:51) young uh and that even on the first day that I got my panic attack my cousin's sister was home she's 10 years older than me and and she understood that I was going through something difficult she helped me soothe myself calm myself I had an exam the next day she taught me everything because I could not retain anything and I learned then then that support and understanding and empathy is so important for people who are going through anything related to mental health that I I knew that I needed some more support and because my family was
(04:23) not so educated and there's such taboo around mental health they could not take me to a psychologist even though I immediately told them because these were happening starting from sixth class these were happening till my 12th class and uh even in my college and I was never took they never took me to a psychologist because so much taboo around you know you could be crazy and you're not crazy and you're not a weak person you're a strong person so I learned everything I could about mental health what was going on with me what
(04:54) was going on with so many other people that is anxiety depression panic disorders panic panc attacks trauma and stuff like that and I knew that I could be a person who can understand what a person is going through and understand the kind of support that they need and so because you had gone through it firsthand exactly at a very early age so you knew that there was something wrong there is an interpretation that you are making which is sort of going against you of the things but a support system a nurturing hand coming your way is
(05:27) helping you soothe yourself and helping you also recover from wherever you have gone at that point right and when I got my first job I knew that now I have the paying propensity to get a psychologist right so I did my masters in economics and I was a consultant at a bank and because that gave me the ability to get a psychologist for yourself for for myself so you yeah I went into therapy first ah you fated your own therapy exactly first okay and then just a few sessions after my therapy my life completely changed sha take me through
(06:03) how a panic attack feels because panic attacks also has different um you know uh what I should say intensity for different people and the symptoms are also different for different people so how was it for you so for me a panic attack felt like I am feeling breathless like I can't take a full breath and yet there is a heavy heavy blanket all over me uh the world has turned completely yellow if I'm reading something I cannot retain that information and after 30 seconds I will have this very extreme impulse to cry so whenever I had these
(06:39) panic attacks my world would go completely yellow there would be this ringing blurred sense that I can't hear things that are going on uh and uh my vision would completely shift and I would start crying within 30 seconds to 1 minute uh there was these pangs of crying and I knew that uh that that was something completely different right so I told my therapist about it this was not a regular sense of Panic or sadness or crying because I knew that this goes away in 30 seconds of 1 minute right and this is something that comes only for 30
(07:15) seconds but then it leaves me completely exhausted I don't have the energy to do anything more did you fear having these panic attacks a lot that fear drove uh my day is my uh ability to do stuff my ability to go up on stage my ability to go and write an exam that is why I probably had a lot of test test anxiety also because I was constantly in fear that I will have a panic attack in the middle of my exam or I will have a panic attack in the middle of the preparation of my exams which will leave me completely memoryless and I will not
(07:55) be able to remember anything for my exam brain fogging is a very uh is a very common thing that happens to a person who's going through the panic attack so you know nowadays we're living amid so much of noise that brain fogging has as such become a phenomena for a lot of people who are not even having panic attacks so intensity only multiplies once you go through a mental health condition right and then uh I told my therapist about these panic attacks I told her that I was not doing well at my job I was starting to have these panic
(08:25) attacks again during my job they had stopped for 2 years but then they started again during my job and did you felt like a deep sense of physical pain also with your panic attacks no I there was never a sense of pain but there was always a heavy chest I very recently felt like a blow in my chest kind of a pain like in a very particular place there such a such an intense blow like a stabbing yeah a stabbing sort of a thing happening and it just stayed with me for a lot of days like for three weeks or so I just kept feeling it and the more I
(08:59) would think about it it I went into a deadlock situation the more I thought about it the more intensifi it would get and the I just it there came a point I couldn't understand whether it's a a mental thought level manifestation that is happening or is there there's actually a very intense physical pain right you know the brain fogging again started to happen so this is very recent thing which I found out about myself uh uh so I haven't had as many panic attacks or uh my mental health related episodes have not been I have been very
(09:30) sad I have been very uh situations of hopelessness Rock bottoms all of that I have also experienced but intense panic attacks and all of these things I had not experienced fully and they they were in part and Parcels but not not like a very physical manifestation of it which has stayed with you for a longer period so yeah I I totally um understand uh what you're saying so there are a lot of uh your mental health can translate a lot into what you're feeling in your body right those are called somatic experiences and um a lot of people who
(10:02) feel uh for example if you're very stressed there will be a lot of pain in your neck uh and your back can hold a lot of your stress because as soon as um you are your stress response is activated uh your hip muscle basically tenses and even when the stress goes away it does not necessarily untense right it does not let go of the stress so you have to recognize that your back pain might not not just be physical it might be due to something such as stress and there is the the pain in the jaw for a lot of people there is constant
(10:37) constant headaches for a lot of people that also translate into migraine right stiffness in the joints yes absolutely and you know a lot of diseases uh like cardiac problems your reduced uh immunity and digestive problems you will always there is a direct line from your stomach to your mental health right so as soon as your mental health goes ay and you have a lot of stress or anxiety or any other problem you will realize that your stomach is not behaving in the way that it's supposed to either there will be appetite changes or there will
(11:15) be diarrhea or constipation and they are absolutely completely connected so we need to listen to a body in terms of what it's saying and also diagnose it properly and not sort of uh online diagnosis not online diagnosis at all the self diagnosis part is pretty dangerous like you said that in sixth grade you started feeling these panic attacks and you also wanted to see a psychologist but because of whatever reasons you didn't so you also started reading so usually people start there they just want to understand
(11:45) their condition better but that somewhere becomes a process of putting yourself under the radar and then getting worried and panicked about symptoms that you have because more or less mental health diseases will have certain common symptoms so if you have mental health disorder the direct gut uh you know uh related issues you will have so even if you have a constipation because of let's say it's not as dangerous a condition a mental it's not yet a disorder just a basic symptom emerging you start correlating the two
(12:18) things I think self diagnosis in particular is uh pretty dangerous one can start at understanding the concepts better but there has to be a lot of nuanced knowledge for you to understand where the relation between my let's say one physical symptom and uh the disorder is right you know so that is also uh one thing so when it comes to mental health because there is not a lot of awareness not a lot of information what happens is one you're either in the state of complete dark right you don't know what's happening to you what's you don't
(12:50) know what's happening to your mind or your body and you keep living on with the symptoms thinking that life is pain and this is how I'm supposed to continue the the second thing thing is the opposite of that is you either read a lot about it and you diagnose yourself and you start treating yourself for the condition that you have diagnosed yourself with I think where what we miss a lot is that your self diagnosis does not help but what you've read about yourself gives you a signal that now is the time to meet a medical professional
(13:25) or a mental health professional or see a doctor for example you read that uh you know the problems that you're having in your stomach or the headache that you're constantly having could be because of constant stress that you're facing or a lot of anxiety that should not tell you that I have anxiety that should tell you I need to go and see a psychologist and see if it is anxiety exactly it is a good starting point for you to understand when to see a psychologist or a professional not to conclude that you have a mentor mental health disorder
(14:00) when you self diagnose yourself uh once you see certain um irregularities with your physical body the pain or the symptoms that you see certain sort of diagnosis if it is leading you to better movement better sleep bettering your nutrition and all of that it's still a good thing but if it is leading you to do certain activities which should be done only under supervision and you're doing it because you have diagnosed yourself it could be pretty detrimental uh absolutely it's better always better to go and see a professional because
(14:28) there also leads to a lot of fear in your mind about who I am as a person am I a weak person for having these disorders um because there is so much stigma and taboo for having a mental health disorder that you if you label yourself and tag yourself as one you start thinking or assuming that it makes you weak in some way and if you actually visit a psychologist or a professional they will let you know one either you don't have have it and second if you do it's completely okay it's a part of Being Human so instead of thinking that
(15:01) you've diagnosed yourself and keeping mulling over it and overthinking and over stressing about it if you just conclude it as going to a doctor and uh just another one basically normalizing this conversation about mental health um a lot of strides are already happening in that direction and thankfully so and it's becoming less of a taboo now and people are becoming more and more aware but yet having said so there's a lot of work that is still pending to be done in that space and uh I'm really happy that people like you and there are so many
(15:30) other people who are taking up this cause and helping people feel better yeah you know heal from deep within and feel better uh stress is also one of the major causes for uh a lot of mental health or psychological or psychosomatic disorders so let's try to decode stress in today's episode so first of all what is stress I feel like stress is widely misunderstood for good reason but I'll tell you why it's because life will Place demands on you uh you will have deadlines you will have problems in your relationships you will
(16:06) have to study for exams uh you will have career related other career related problems you will have health problems and all of these are demands that life situations put on you and now there are mechanisms in your body that need to prepare you to face those demands right and that is exactly what stress is it's your body's response to prepare you and your body and your brain to face all these demands head on right for example if you have to meet a deadline you know that end moment thing that you do in 2 hours you're able
(16:44) to finish the entire presentation that happens because your body has primed itself to do that your brain is completely focused uh you are able to concentrate uh because your body has taken away resources from certain areas like your digestive system your immunity uh and it has given all of that all of those resources to the areas that you actually require for example that you want to activate more because you want to be done in two hours exactly and that happens because you have a deadline right stress is basically heightened
(17:20) response uh for these uh deadlines or situations which are high demands which which demands highly of you exactly and now because you had stress you were able to meet that deadline if you did not have stress you would have felt like uh I still have more time so why should I do it if you feel like I have to go and do this because of the stress right so stress is good but the problem starts occurring when you are in that heightened state of stress response for a long time right it's your sympathetic nervous system is basically working to
(17:56) push adrenaline into your body and and take resources away from unnecessary uh unnecessary uh events un lesser important activities at that point which could be your digestion yes exactly which could be your so less important less significant processes in your body right now and it starts to give it to the important significant areas in that particular moment so your sympathetic nervous system is making you more alert whereas your parasympathetic nervous system basically tells your body that now it's time to relax right so
(18:29) when your sympathetic nervous system is activated for a long time uh there's a lot of cortisol running in your uh bloodstream right there are a lot of neurochemicals that uh that have been like adrenaline which is uh epinephrine and nephrine and they uh keep running in your body and making you feel like you're stressed all the time right and they're putting a lot of pressure on the processes of your body when that constantly keeps happening it puts you at a risk for a lot of things for example there's diabetes and there's
(19:01) cardiac problems like we all know to understand the concept of stress mentally if you can simplify it to let's say physical stress so you can do a heightened or a high performance activity for a certain time let's say you go to gym and you lift weights you can do that for an hour 90 minutes 2 hours you can't be lifting weights through the day if you keep doing that what will happen to your body it's as simple as that so if you keep if you're lifting that same mental weight through the day then the similar impact is
(19:27) happening to your mental health that's absolutely completely correct right so that is what also leads to burnout right we talk about burnout all the time and that happens because we are in this activated State and we have a lot of stress and that stress response is activated for a long period of time right so what we need to learn to do is to to activate that parasympathetic nervous system which tells the body that now you can relax right and we can do that through a lot of ways before we Deep dive into how how to take charge of
(19:59) these nervous systems uh and you know how to make them work for us let's understand these two nervous systems very deeply so one is your sympathetic nervous system which is responsible for your heightened activity performance yes then one is your parasympathetic nervous system which is responsible for your uh relaxation and Recovery uh activities in your body which could be your digestion system sleep system and all of that where as sympathetic nervous system is preparing you for an activity it's your flight of height response yes so these
(20:27) are the two systems that talking about so in the situation of stress or pressure on you your sympathetic nervous system automatically is working much more exactly it's taking away from the other resources hence your parasympathetic activities are going down for example what happens in fight of flight right for example uh when we were surviving as humans right we had to fight to save ourselves right so as soon as your body thinks that there's a threat or a danger what it does is it rushes blood from other parts of your body to your limbs to your
(21:01) arms to your feet to do what so that you can either run or you can hit right and then it also sends a lot of blood to your heart so that it can pump faster it sends blood to uh your brain so that it can focus on the threat in front of you right so all of these things it also does now when it thinks you're in threat or danger but now the threat or danger is very different from what it used to be it's not a physical stress as much as a mental stress exactly so now because your mind perceives a situation as stressful as a threat or a danger your
(21:38) body activates your response of fight or flight and that basically means that uh you are taking resources away from various organs and your processes and giving it to certain places that but those organs from where you are right now taking away the resources you have to supply them back so that those systems can also work efficiently because those are the systems which are responsible for the proper nourishment of your body proper recovery of your body from all of the height end activity that you have performed for a few hours
(22:08) or a few minutes so this parasympathetic nervous system activation is also very important because this will help you to bounce back again and deal with something else in your life yes so how does one activate the parasympathetic nervous system high stress is associated with a higher heart rate right you heart beats faster when you're very stressed now there's a connection between your mind and your body when you're stressed your heart beats faster and when you're relaxed your heart beats slower now this road is also two-way
(22:42) right so you can use your body to change how you're feeling in your mind right so if you make your if your heart is beating fast because you're very stressed what you have to do is you have to make it beat slower if you make it beat slower your mind will get the signal oh we are fine there's no threat or danger so we can relax and how do you make your heartbeat faster or slower the easiest way to do it is through your breath so when you inhale your heart beats fast and when you exhale your heart beats slower so basically to slow down your
(23:19) heart you have to make your exhales longer than your inhales there is this concept of your exhale being twice as longer as your inhalation and that is a very Shire recommendation that comes from a lot of psychologist psychiatrists medical professionals for someone who is undergoing stress absolutely first thing that they say is that just stop everything else and breathe deeply yeah and there's so much rooted in the science like you're saying and it is also coming in from our ancient uh text those have prioritized your breath work
(23:51) so highly that physical activity is in fact secondary your breath work and your meditation and your mind health is more important than probably your other areas of life uh in a lot of ways that makes so much sense also because your mind is somewhere governing how you're seeing your life how you're perceiving your life and then what actions you're taking in your day on Day Life yes right so it's it's it's a beautiful technique to balance your sympathetic and parasympathetic uh systems to activate the one that is sort of needed uh to
(24:24) help you relax and recover yeah so science basically Neuroscience has proved Pro like it's proved that there is this exercise called the physiological sigh which is the fastest method so far to release stress in the moment right because you need to take care of the short-term stress and then there is a long-term stress so to release the short-term stress for example right now I'm feeling really tense what I can do is just do the physiological sigh in which I'll inhale and then I'll do like I'll fill my lungs
(24:52) and then I'll do a small inhale and then I'll exhale till my lungs are empty really slowly and then I'll exhale fast inhale fast and then do it again and then slowly exhale till my lungs are empty and sence says that three to four cycles of this will actually relieve your mind and relieve your stress and it's the fastest most efficient way to do it you know I recently was at uh uh sadguru's um Co mour Center and they were teaching us shambavi Kaa and that Kaa involves this breathing practice where in you are
(25:36) inhaling faster and then fast fast fast fast fast and then you're exhaling so yeah I I I know what you're talking about so that's what I'm saying that a lot of these practices are now getting bagged up by the science but they have existed forever like as human beings we have known these things to calm ourselves down to this this these word these terminologies could be now coming into existence these could be 100 200 250 300 years old but this this bioscience that we understand as a human being that our body our being
(26:08) understands is coming from a very long uh you know uh very ancient history it has a very long background so to speak right absolutely I completely agree and that is part of the reason why at least in India we have such a high focus on breathing exercises and yoga which is called moving meditation right that it's existed for so long that we take it for so granted right uh we have people telling us to do breathing exercises and that is right there in front of us to do every day our parents tell us to do it every day but we've never thought to
(26:43) given it another chance right in fact as a psychologist I have to convince people that when I'm telling you to do your breathing exercises I am not it's not a gimmick it will actually help you yoga will actually help you and how medit ation helps you with stress scientifically is that when you're stressed what's happening is that when your mind think that there is some danger or a threat it's activating your stress response right now you need to put a little space between activating your stress response and thinking that there is a threat
(27:22) right so what meditation does and mindfulness exercises do is that you Empower or you work on that muscle of your brain which can look at your thoughts in a rational manner right you don't suppress thoughts you don't push them away you look at them and you look at them and you let them go for example right now I think that I have a deadline and uh I need to work for it or this will happen that will happen all this subconscious thought or or this thought these thoughts in my mind will make me believe that there is a threat and there
(28:02) will be a stress response activation and I'll start feeling really stressed or anxious and I will not be able to calm myself down but if I do a mindfulness uh activity every day or I meditate every day what happens is that I'm focusing on my thoughts every day and what I'm practicing is that a thought is coming I pay attention to it and then I let it go I label it as just a thought not a fact basically engaging with all of your thoughts is not important exactly that is what being a yoga teacher myself a practitioner for nearly
(28:37) eight years is something that I have also trained myself and it it really works exactly the way you are saying this everyday meditation sort of prepares you to look at your thoughts as just one thing which is existing and it's flowing you know you don't have to stop them somewhere and engage with it let's say a thought has come that uh I will meet with an accident today it's a very negative thought if you start engaging with it and if you start communicating how will I get out of the house how will I cross the road then I
(29:04) have to do this then I have you start preparing extra for that to you know to sort of rationalize that thought so this rationalization of of an irrational thought is is a exhausting activity for no reason absolutely so if a thought like that has come in that whatever negative or positive mostly we engaged with the negative thoughts uh very seldom it happens that there are very positive thoughts coming in and engaging with them and it is stressing you out it doesn't stress you out at least even if you engage with them it kind of uplifts
(29:33) your mood what kind of puts you down is engaging with these thoughts which are not in your favor so this engagement needs to be broken you know many times people ask me that how do I silence my mind how do I come in get into the state of nothingness now which is of course a dream state you know where you are just one with with the higher Consciousness and everything in between has become so transient that it is non-existent but it's a very uh uh it's a it's a dreamlike state and I don't know how many of us will go to
(30:02) that state I think it starts with just a simple concept that a thought is just a thought it's not a fact right and you just let a thought come and you let a thought go from stress and thoughts and the correlation between the two I also want to come on to the next layer which is the emotional layer now there are certain emotions that we have labeled as negative I personally feel that there are no emotions which are negative or positive because every emotion exists for you to play a certain role I think the regulation of emotions is important
(30:33) but there are certain generic uh you know let's say emotions when I say shame or embarrassment guilt or regret or grief these are some hardcore negative emotions now I want to understand the thin line that exists between shame and embarrassment from you because these sound as the same but they're not the same right so what is the difference between shame and embarrassment so first of all there are no negative emotions all emotions are are just emotions right we need to be able to accept that we feel a certain way and it's not negative
(31:04) or positive it's a part of being human right so we talk about shame we talk about embarrassment there's a difference between being embarrassed and shame right embarrassment mostly happens in front of people right if we were uh you know I stumbled a little bit and people saw me or uh you know I spilled some water and I think that you know people will judge me I will feel embarrassed right but shame is much more deeper and personal it might not just happen in front of people shame might also be when I'm sitting alone in a room right
(31:40) similarly with regret and guilt right the way you have explained shame is so beautiful and uh if you deeply reflect upon it it is actually a very inside out kind of an emotion not the other way around whereas embarrassment is an outside in kind of an experience so understanding that whether it's inside out or outside in Emotion for me that also simplifies what you can do about it correct you know if it is a an outside in Emotion wherein your external factors are dictating what you're feeling emotionally then there are two things
(32:12) that you can do either you can change your external factors if there is that possibility or you can make peace with it if it cannot be changed right but if it's an inside out thing then you have to see the emotional processing the internal perspective shift is something that we have to work on absolutely so that is about shame and embarrassment but we also talking about regret and guilt so tell me the correlation between the two emotions or there isn't any so regret and guilt uh can be a lot of people can feel that they're the same
(32:39) thing right but regret is basically when you when you say that I think that I should not have done this thing and uh I if I got the chance I would probably choose a different path right but guilt is not being able to forgive yourself for certain mistakes and thinking that uh you are a bad person or you are inadequate or not good enough and blaming your character for the mistakes is guilt right and a very important part of getting over guilt is basically one forgiving
(33:25) yourself is being kind on yourself and second is action is basically if you think that you've made a mistake and if you think that you need to be better taking action towards being better and towards undoing or not undoing but taking action towards taking better decisions in the future will help you absolve a lot of your guilt and then there comes the self-acceptance and compassion which which helps you for forgiving yourself and that guilt sits with you if you inherently think that you're a bad person that guilt will sit with you for
(34:05) example a very very small example of guilt is a person who was raised in a household where if they did not study they were told and now whenever they're not working enough and they're not studying enough even when they don't need to do enough their internal voice says that I'm a bad person that there's an inherent flaw in my character and so instead of feeling like I will make it better the next day what I do is I feel deep guilt for what for not studying enough in the day that is not something that you should feel guilt for maybe you
(34:45) can regret not studying enough and make it better the next day but feeling that I'm a bad person and attacking your character that is very very that is not helpful for your mental health so it's very important to understand the difference between regret and guilt sometimes what we do is and in fact most times what we do is we equate the two emotions you know we we get confused with the language but we don't understand the underlying feelings behind those emotions and which are very deep seated like regret you said one can
(35:16) feel it and one can Rectify it and similar thing can be done with the guilt but guilt is a more deeper emotion than than regret and regret you feel for a very few things I feel there are very few things where you will feel regret but guilt is an everyday thing like if you have eaten a little extra you are guilty if you have not done something that you supposed to do today you're guilty so guilt is coming in every every every space if you're able to forgive yourself and you've accepted that you've made that decision and now nothing can
(35:49) be done about it that's regret right so if I ate cheesecake in the morning and I told I had told myself that I will not eat any sugar and I ate cheesecake in the morning in the evening if I'm able to forgive myself for the mistake then it's not guilt right because guilt will say oh my God I am such a loser right and so it's okay to regret that I ate the cheesecake but feeling guilt is just attacking your own character and I feel regret doesn't stay with you all the time but guilt sort of becomes a part of who you are if you let
(36:29) it sit for deep enough uh long enough it becomes a part of who you are because regret if we look back upon our own lives also we would have regret regretted a few decisions of our life let's say a couple of those three four of those decisions and that also when you know you can't do anything about them you can transform your relationship with that decision and you can then move on to the next thing that you can do to better it from next time onwards right but guilt becomes a part of you you know that's why there are guilt Related
(36:56) Disorders so how does one come out of guilt you build certain self-compassion and self-acceptance the easiest way you can do it uh is that imagine a person who is a coach or who is a parent or someone that you really really admire you can just imagine that person in your head someone who really admire and you'll always listen to and that person has to be really uh empathetic and caring and giving if there is no person such as that just make one up right in your head and then imagine your imagine the person that you deeply care about you care
(37:41) about unconditionally and uh you love them a lot right even when you know their flaws exactly and now whenever imagine that person has made the same mistake that you have right the way that you will talk to them have that coach talk to you right so you have to imagine that a friend has made a mistake right and that friend you deeply care about deeply love it can also be a partner it can also be a parent or a sibling and you have to be able to tell them that it's okay it's okay you're just human
(38:27) and then the coach that you imagined or the parent that you imagined or someone that you really care about someone who has influence over you have them say the same thing to you you can imagine them saying the same thing to you and when that becomes a language in your own head you do it again and again your thoughts and beliefs of whenever you make a mistake the first thought was you're a loser the first thought will eventually become it's okay you'll not do it again you can trust yourself yeah I feel the kindness
(38:59) that we extend to others if we can project it on our own selves absolutely our lives would become much more uh beautiful yeah uh we will uh heal also from deep within uh I feel it's very easy for us to be kind to others than to our own selves but you know there's another side to this coin when you're being kind to yourself there is also a risk of toxic positivity it's okay it will get better this too shall pass after a point it starts becoming toxic right what are your thoughts about toxic positivity toxic positivity is basically
(39:35) when you are trying to be positive without processing any situation for example Good Vibes just think positive oh why you thinking negative just think positive thoughts everything will become okay this Good Vibes only is it just gets to me it to me so much I mean when a person says that you know I'm not doing well oh you'll be okay if only someone calmed down when you told them to calm down be different place it never helps so I think toxic positivity is basically when uh you're imposing your idea of what works and you're trying to impose the
(40:16) idea on a person that when emotions come up that don't sit well with you you just suppress them and you replace them with positive ones but that never helps the only way emotions go away or emotions uh you feel better about an emotion that was not making you feel better is by processing it is by letting it run through your body and your mind and acknowledging that this was an emotion it will pass and I'll be okay and that is when the positivity that takes origin from your own self your own mind comes into place
(40:55) you can't just say oh suppress an emotion and replace it with a positive so anything that's toxic will stop your growth whenever you want to find out whether it's positivity or toxic positivity just answer the question is it helping me grow yeah it will not align with your higher self or your better version for the lack of a better word I'm saying better version but yeah absolutely it will not help so toxic positivity needs to be very well understood cuz we do this toxic positivity self also it's not just externally projected to a friend or to
(41:30) to somebody else it is also a self talk also that you do like something if you are being ignorant of certain actions that you were supposed to take if you're not doing certain things that you were supposed to do you just tell yourself it's okay I can afford to miss it or it's fine or oh I don't let it affect my mental state but actually what you're doing is you are building that air in that balloon even more and more and more and more right so yeah so that that needs I think that I think that also comes from uh the fact that a lot of
(42:03) people have problems facing a problem because they feel uh that it makes them feel a certain way that that's not comfortable so for example uh I might have to do a task that is really challenging or something that I'm really afraid to fail at right so that emotion is really uncomfortable and to suppress that emo I will try to avoid the task altoe and by avoiding it and to avoid it I will tell myself that it's okay I don't need to do it or I'll give myself some other version of the excuse but it's basically avoiding the thing that you fear or it
(42:42) makes you uncomfortable without realizing that the thing that's making you uncomfortable if you just stretch a little bit and do an inch of it it will give you the motivation and the strength to do even more we think that we are not good enough and we sit in our comfort zone then after the comfort zone is the stretch Zone and then after that is panic so if we move out of our comfort zone too far we panic but we don't real what we don't realize is that we don't need to move completely out of our comfort zone we can just stretch a
(43:15) little bit right so for example right now I feel inadequate that I can't run right I can't run a 5k right I don't need to run 5 kilm to prove to myself that adequate you will feel very adequate if you just go and run 500 M your comfort zone was running 0 kilm your stretch zone is 500 m is running 500 M just half a kilometer and you will feel very adequate very confident to tomorrow maybe Run 1 kilometer or maybe in a month Run 1 kilometer and then later on that stretch or comfort zone will keep becoming bigger and bigger and
(43:51) bigger and that will increase your feelings of adequacy and increase your self-esteem this expansion of your comfort zone is such an interesting concept because it also helps you understand your tolerance for various things in life so earlier you had let's say this much of tolerance for things happening in your life but if you stretch yourself a little bit and for the right reasons that have to be personally right to you I mean I think there's no absolute concept of right or wrong in this world it could be it could
(44:17) mean very different thing it's very subjective so whatever you feel is right for you if you can just stretch yourself a little bit then your threshold and tolerance also increases and you build onto it and then you build that resilience and strength for certain situations in your life that you like yeah so let's move on to the next dimension of uh our mental uh health and our emotional health something that impacts it a lot is our also relationships right your relationship influence how you feel mentally emotionally and your mental and
(44:45) emotional health also influence the kind of relationships you have in your life so it's very important to talk about this segment right right um as much as I want to understand this deeply with you first I want to start with your personal story because you're getting married in December and I can see that glow on your face thank so tell me something more more about relationships not from a psychologist perspective right now but just From princy's perspective I'll tell you very personally I grew up in a full
(45:12) household and when I say full our house was never my mother father my brother and I it was always uh my relatives my mama my other siblings we spending our summers uh at our Mama's Place uh someone always staying at our place and I love it that way and even when the relatives were not there we were so close to our neighbors that my mother was working so the neighbors used to take care of me and my my brother and uh we all used to play in the same place everybody like it was a village it takes a village to bring up a
(45:49) child they say right and I've seen that Village and I've always wanted a life like that because I see the importance of it not just in terms of uh happiness but General satisfaction and fulfillment and belonging in life right feeling happy and joy is one emotion you feel elated you feel happy but there is a sense of belonging and fulfillment and feeling like even if I'm not happy I'm okay yeah and that comes from people who you care about and and the people who care about you and being a part of a community and that is something that I
(46:29) have grown up with and I love and something that I don't like these days is the is the is the fact that we live in societies and these apartments and we don't know our neighbors we might know them but we don't know them deeply they're not our friends and that is something that deeply affects me you know I feel somewhere this disconnectedness with our relationships and communities which is a mistake that I have also made I have been a very aloof person you know in my growing days uh because I had certain ambition and I needed to put in a lot of
(47:03) time there so I didn't have time for a lot of other things which only um I've understood in the last few years that building on healthy relationships and a good Community around yourself is so important and you just expect things to fall in place for you but if you cannot be that person for somebody else nobody else will be that person for you so it all boils down to you bettering yourself and that includes you bettering yourself in terms of your mental health and emotional health also because then only you can build this this positive circle
(47:33) around you when you talk about relationships one of the relationship that influences most of our lives and our mental health is also relationship with our a parents where we come from and second our partners where we sort of go to yeah right these two relationing relationships are also really important they're also really important but I feel in some ways it is easier for people to disconnect with their SI ings and you know still have their life going on full-fledged than with their parents and their Partners but there is like U
(48:03) science actually says this relationship with siblings are really underrated in the terms that you and your relationship with your parents the only other person that will able to relate with that experience is your sibling nobody else the way that you grew up the experiences that you had you're bringing up whatever you went through nobody else I completely agree your partner will never understand your friends will never understand parents will also don't understand your parents will never understand the only other person that
(48:33) understand is your sibling and it dictates a lot of your life satisfaction and belonging your sense of belonging and happiness so it's a really foro sort of resource that we don't use and utilize yeah I was trying to not bring it up so much also because these days people are usually having just one kid so that sibling relationship is kind of not known to a lot of people also you know but this parents and partner relationship and a lot of your trauma uh your personal dissatisfaction unfulfillment feeling inadequate feeling
(49:09) judged judging others all of that is stemming in these two areas of your life deeply that is affecting your mental peace every day yeah so how does one sort this out or create a balance in their relationship let's say first talk about parents what is it that you acquire from your parents other than your genes and the way you look and the other inheritance that you get but there's also a lot of a lot of difficult emotions and Trauma that trickles down to you so let's talk about that also everything that you learn about your
(49:40) mental health and how to feel about your thoughts uh how to judge yourself your self-esteem to regulate yourself when you're sad to tell yourself that it's okay to to feel sad to be resilient to bounce back from your failures you learn from your parents your primary caregiver is the most important person in your development from childhood to your early development years right for example when a child cries and a mother is there to hold the child and soothe the child the signal that the child gets is that I'm feeling sad right now I am
(50:26) frustrated right now but I I'll be okay right whereas if a child that cries cries a lot and they are not getting consistent care from their primary caregiver that child learns to believe that I am frustrated and no one will ever be here to help me and the world is not a safe place so their attitude of going in the world will be way different than the former child so the former child will enter into the world thinking that oh I can trust people the world is a safe place and the catch here is the world will always give you what you expect of
(51:10) it so the child the child that thinks that you that the world is safe and people are good will always elicit that response from people around resp exactly yeah they they they say that the energy that you give out is what you receive Law of Attraction manifestation is exactly that yeah so the kind of belief system that you are raised with is so important because that is what eventually you're going to attract if if you have learned that love in a certain way so we we we all know love how it is but we all understand it very
(51:47) differently a person who is coming from a very fulfilled family understand us very differently than a person who is not coming from a fulfilled background eventually they both go out in the World seeking For Love or giving love so the way they give love is also very different absolutely a person who is coming from a background which is very fulfilling where they they don't have to be cautious with love they will give it like that and probably receive it like that and I'm not saying that they will not have heartbreaks and they'll not
(52:10) have you know uh negative experiences coming their way but the their their response with it and their dealing with it is will be very different than a person who is coming from a way where they are they have always behaved with a lot of caution because they have seen that coming from their their home to them and once they go out in the world they behave with that much more caution and calculation so that is what they are eventually going to absolutely you the way that your parents loved you and the way that you loved them also forms a
(52:37) template of what is familiar for you what is familiar for you in terms of Love That Emotion exactly what is familiar for you in terms of love and that is what you seek everywhere in the world for example if you had a parent who uh gave you a little bit of attention and love and then they abused you right but when you were feeling unsafe and they were abusing you uh they went back to you a little bit of love yeah and then they give you a little bit of more love right so what happens is you get attached to them in a certain
(53:13) way and that becomes your template of love you're familiar with that now you're familiar with that pain of being abused a little bit and loved a little bit and that you start accepting that is a part of the process yeah I mean you feel you feel that is that is something that feels like home even if it's that toxic it feels like home it doesn't feel safe but it feels like home and generally when people are looking for love they don't they don't find healthy relationships a lot because when we look for love we don't look for safety we
(53:47) look for what is familiar what feels like home so a lot of times we end up in toxic relationships and abusive relationships because those feel like home they are what are familiar to us it's a familiar pain whereas something that is a healthy relationship that is not very bad for you and feels safe it might feel uncomfortable for you because it doesn't feel like home it's unfamiliar it's uncomfortable you know you said it very well that what is not familiar to you that you will not accept as love them you know a is that and about toxic
(54:23) relationships like you said that even if the relationship is a little toxic but it is giving you that dose of comfort that is making you feel a little bit safe also at times you start feeling that this is how a relationship should look like and that is what your relationship with love or a future partner has become like yeah right and our belief also gets reinforced with our own experiences a the experien that we have lived and the experiences that we are right now living if we share it about share about it with someone and we
(54:53) tell them that you know he Shout Ed on me or he was aggressive in this manner or whatever happened then others also say especially your parents if they are like that they'll say it's okay it happens then you get reinforced in that thought that you know maybe I am overreacting and you spend some time in denial also I want to talk about toxic relationships in depth with you a what is a toxic relationship and B when two people are together they will experience different emotions and all the emotions at different point in times now how do
(55:24) you not label one particular reaction from a person as a red flag and completely discard them because you could be having a lesser threshold or you could be a sensitive person or it could be actually a red flag how do you know the difference between the two I think you will answer the fact that a relationship is toxic or Not by just if you want to plainly do it broadly by just two questions one are you feeling safe and two is it helping you grow right any relationship that is healthy it always makes you feel safe it
(56:02) makes you feel free right you can do anything you can be anything uh you can go anywhere you want to and not only that the second point is it will help you grow it will it will support you it will give you energy it will nurture you instead of draining you of energy right so coming to your second question if for example everybody is human and everybody gets angry but the difference between labeling that that as a red flag and understanding that there are a they're just a human is by answering your
(56:46) question whether this person stops my growth whether this person is open to communicating for the sake of our growth and for the sake of their growth and my growth and this relationship's growth right for example a person who gets angry and they get angry at you and they thrash you and they just move away and when they when you want to talk to them about it they completely deny that they probably say that they were not angry or they dismiss your reality and they say that you made me feel angry and that is why I'm feeling angry so they completely
(57:25) dismissing your reality of they got angry and not the fact that you made them feel angry right that is not helping you grow they're not it's not helping that person grow and it is not helping your relationship grow versus person number two who got angry and after they were calm you talk to them about it and you said that you know uh you got angry and that made me feel really unsafe uh is it something that's a normal response for you are you an aggressive person and they reflect on their behavior and they say hm it's it's definitely not something
(58:04) that you did or maybe it was something that you did but it made me feel this and I did not know any other way to respond to it and I got really afraid so I got angry at you I will make sure I'll never do it again or even if they have the intention of growing into the person who will not do it again and they they show proof by action you know that that person is willing to grow you're willing to grow and this relationship is growing so you can always differentiate between red flags and a person Just Being Human
(58:42) by asking yourself the question of whether this relationship is growing yeah these days it has become so common for us to very rampantly label the people and that's why I think is a probable reason of so many breakups because you say oh I saw this red flag oh I've read this on internet there are these 10 red flags or these are these five ways to express love this is not happening that is not happening this is my red flag so red flag number one checks your boyfriend number one breakup Two Breakup three breakup four breakup
(59:08) and then you enter a middle age of 35 40 and you are absolutely alone and you're like I'm not compatible with anyone yes so if you are a person who is seeking for companionship and I'm not saying that everybody will there are some people who are just who just are okay with how their reality is and they just want to be with themselves but when you're actually saying and believing in your head that you want to seek for companionship then you also have to show up differently you also have to stand for your own growth the growth that you
(59:35) talked about the relationship and the partner and that whole ecosystem has to bring it has to be very personally brought up also as a concept personally nourished and nurtured also so that you can bring it for yourself when you are in a relationship ecosystem you can bring it for the other person also instead of just asking again the outside in what are you bringing to me then what am I also bringing to this and deep reflection is required there also absolutely I mean casually you know throwing the terms like red flags at General human
(1:00:06) behaviors is is not not cool I mean even for the young gen Z it's not cool because uh you know there's a child who you know just you you just touch their belly or something like that and they throw a fit right and they throw a fit and they thrash everything do you call that red flag you don't call that a red flag right but when a person who's like much older and you you know call them out for uh you know you have weird hair today and they get really angry you call that a red flag but what we don't realize in that person when a lot of
(1:00:39) people even when we grow up not just a lot of people every one of us and we even when we grow up when we get angry our brain goes back to the child sort of brain right what you have to learn is that whether they are first of all whether that anger affects ffects you at all or not not you don't have to take all anger episodes of a person personally right they were not about you right if they do not affect you negatively if they were not about you they are just if they are just angry by themselves just let them be angry for a
(1:01:11) while right you don't stop them for you started labeling these emotions negative and that is where a lot of problem is also coming from right no discarding all the negativity discarding everything and everybody that is toxic positivity yeah calling emotions negative taking everything personally and wanting everybody to think positive be positive all the time I me myself I know what's the best for me this ey mindset is also not quite healthy so like me and my uh F what we do is that the very very relieving thing we do if one of us is
(1:01:46) really upset or really angry we don't try to make the other one happy we ask for example if uh he is angry or he is is upset I will ask can I do something about it and if he says no and I will not do literally not do anything about it I will just be there I'll be in his presence I'll let him be upset and be angry for a while and he'll feel better afterwards if I just try to make him laugh or you know do this do that he will not everybody has a right to be upset right and that is something I really love because since I was a child
(1:02:20) and I used to get upset my mom used to say why are you upset be happy and I felt like I was never given the right to be irritated upset or frustrated even though I always was irritated and frustrated but I feel like never had the right to be I never felt it never felt safe yeah if you could learn to stay with our upsetness and anger instead of just reacting and or eliciting a response which is of a which is of care or which is of whatever if you don't engage with any of that and just sit with the upset I think that is
(1:02:53) also imagine if if imagine if he took my anger personally and started saying that oh you're angry because of me did I do something did I make you upset you're always angry around me I just come from work uh don't show your anger around me then that would have been a red flag on my part and on on his part as well but he just let me be me and I let him be him and we got over it together he didn't have to take it personally and I didn't have to impose my anger on him I'm happy to know that you have built uh what works for you yeah and this
(1:03:32) beautiful uh way of resolving conflicts and dealing with anger because I think when we say couples have compatibility issues and that's why it's not working out it's usually these issues managing each other anger managing or behaving around each other when when they are going through an up and down of emotional outburst and all of that if you can figure out a way to to deal with that you know there could be some three four five template ways that the internet will tell you but there are a lot of interpersonal ways and
(1:04:02) intrapersonal ways that one can form by effective communication with their partner that works for them there a strange thing that works for strange people absolutely you know sometimes for someone ordering a meal for your partner will work like oh my mood is certainly you know I'm Not Angry Anymore it's a different thing that works for different people so you have to identify that resolution technique for yourself and then go forward there is nothing thing you can't work past if you're willing to communicate honestly even if it is just
(1:04:31) a simple fact that I was angry at you because I fear losing you so difficult for us to say that right to another person we feel like we'll become less or something if we say that we fear losing that person and that's why we are angry when you build that honest communication it also has to be honest talking about stuff and honest listening of the stuff and honest empathy ising the other person you actually put yourself in their shoes you don't do it for the sake of it you actually do it you know what I feel in most of the relationships
(1:05:04) willingness to listen to your partner is also important in that process because even if they say something in anger or in a way which is not very acceptable to healthy communication then also there is some element of Truth in that that comment no actually I disagree with that disagree yeah because when you're angry uh when you have had alcohol when you are not you have not slept enough you your cognition is not working as well as it should so you also don't recognize your real beliefs and thoughts you don't
(1:05:35) know why you're feeling the way that you're feeling right because your brain has gone back to a very primitive brain and that brain does not work in the best possible way so then a child says that I hate you Mommy when they are angry they don't mean that they hate their mommy in the same way when a person is really upset or they haven't slept or they've had alcohol and they say you're the worst person I've come across they don't mean it you don't have to take it personally there's there might not be any truth to it the important part comes
(1:06:07) later when you both well slept you've never not had any alcohol and you're both in your straight minds and you are willing to have a conversation about what they talked about and then they can tell you why they got angry or why they were upset or why no what I was talking about very real uh issues that happen between a couple let's say a very common fight that happens between a couple is when they have to go out somewhere either the guy or the girl takes a little extra time in dressing up which they don't accept you know when you say
(1:06:37) oh you take always extra time oh you take more than me so that is a constant like these things now there is always an element of Truth where you have to really accept that yeah I took longer I said 5 minutes but I actually took half an hour you know those kind of things I was talking about because because it's these are the everyday basis you know things you say okay I'll not eat but you end up asking for food later and I not prepared for it and that is then an issue so the everyday these issues now not these
(1:07:04) hurtful statements which are said in in in some other state of mind which is an influenced state of mind or intoxicated state of mind that's a different thing not the harsh things like I hate you and all of that but these General uh you know fights which have some sort of a feedback in them that you know I don't like this or this made me feel like that or sometimes say oh you drive fast I'm safe I'm doing this I'm doing that I'll tell there's also truth to it that you I'll tell you why that happens is it's the fact that when you give feedback
(1:07:36) yeah or if you're telling someone something it greatly depends on how you phrase it whether that person is going to get defensive or not yeah I'll tell you why it's because every action has an equal and opposite reaction so if someone pushes me my body gets tense and it pushes back a little bit right so if you're giving someone feedback by pointing out the character or you're doing it in a manner that's attacking them they will get defensive instead even like the small statement where you said that you drive
(1:08:10) fast you can just say you drive fast talks about the character as a whole not the action not the action right talking about the character is attack yeah a person can't change the character they can change their action so what you can say instead is can you please not drive fast right now because it makes me feel afraid you tell them why you're giving them feedback it's not because you want to attack them you want to give them feedback it's you're telling them how you're feeling and you don't have to take it personally it's my problem but
(1:08:46) can you please do this so when you teach a person how to talk to them or when you phrase your sentence in a manner that does not make the the other person feel defensive they will likely not get defensive nobody wants fights for no reason people all want peace I hope I I really hope so too because so many things are layered in this conversation especially when we come to uh relationships Arena it's a very layered subject like like I said and like you're saying that one thing and one action will not lead to only one
(1:09:21) outcome yeah the same action I will do in my relationship the same action you will do in your relationship and it will be two completely different outcomes so it's a very layered subject so to speak about it also the way we are talking we are completely bearing ourselves you know this is as real as it gets when there's no camera then also we talk like this right so it's a communication as real as it gets so I I really uh uh would encourage my viewers also to see it as that you know uh and instead of judging this try to see what works for
(1:09:50) you it's a very layered subject absolutely you know you know again depends a a threshold of somebody acting defensive is also very individual absolutely you know maybe when you said it like that he had the patience to teach it to you like that or maybe when you say it like that it translates in a manner that it's not an attack to me sometimes when that thing is said repeatedly for some people it again feels like an attack so it's a very independent individual related I when you're ready to be vulnerable it becomes
(1:10:18) 10 times easier for the person in front of you to become vulnerable So when you say that I was can you please do this because I'm feeling this it's very easy for them to say I can't do this because I feel this so they still get defensive but they give you the reason for it and that makes you understand why they are getting defensive every story has so much to teach us if we just learn to be present with the story be involved in the story and just learn and grow from there yeah so beautiful perspective on relationships whatever we are doing here
(1:10:53) at the journey within podcast is also just trying to create a shift in the perspective where the concepts the situations the circumstances might just remain the same for you in life because that is not in your control that nobody else can change for you your reality will be your reality when the perspective shifts towards it a lot of action can happen a lot of relationship with your mental health and emotional health can be restored just changing this perspective so that is what uh we're trying to do here with these
(1:11:20) conversations and uh thank you for bringing in your perspective because once you talk to enough people you see there are so many ways to look at one simple thing and any of these ways you can take to take that action whatever works for you once you're clear about your goal and once you're very clear about why you want to pursue what you want to pursue if it is coming from a very deep connection with your own inner self then you'll find ways to do it yeah I mean it's a very very clear there's a very very clear connection between your
(1:11:47) habits and your actions and your identity right so think think of it as a circle right your actions decide what your identity is for example like you said if you want to take examples from the physical uh from from your physical health if I exercise every day I will identify as a fit person right if I eat healthy every day I will identify as a fit person if I read every day I will identify as a reader now if I identify as a reader it will automatically motivate me to read every day because I A reader I read every day I'm a fit
(1:12:27) person I have to exercise right so basically your actions dictate your identity and your identity in turn dictates your dictate your actions so there's a simple thing that you can do if you want to build good habits and if you want to take better actions make it a part of your identity and how do you make it a part of your identity by doing something repeat repeatedly read a book for 20 days and call yourself a reader it will automatically translate into your actions and your habits something that you deeply identify as is something is
(1:13:06) something that you cannot go without doing another day so it's a circle that we can take advantage of every day of Our Lives habit formation is a shire way to fuel your goals and uh if your goals make you feel good enough if you're deeply connected with your goals they eventually become a part of your identity I feel like the most underrated way to have good mental health or have good physical health is habits and I would like to use another word for it and it's called protocols right so as adults we have to make a lot of
(1:13:42) decisions every day if I want to be a person who is aware of my life who has good mental health has good physical health I have to take at least 20 actions in a day that require a decision starting from the morning my decision is should I wake up early in the morning or should I keep sleeping should I go to the gym or should I not go to the gym right there are at least 20 decisions you will take in a day and if you have to take those decisions every day it will exhaust you that is decision fatigue you're right so you wake up in
(1:14:17) the morning you decide whether I want to sleep or whe I want to wake up take I'll wake up you wake up and then you can't take the decision of going to the gym you you think okay I'll go to the gym and then you push yourself and you go to the gym and then you come back you don't want to cook a meal for yourself compare that with waking up and brushing your teeth does that take any effort it does not take any effort because you've been doing it every day you don't have to take the decision of uh brushing your
(1:14:45) teeth and how how is that helped it's helped with protocols so slowly one action leads to another action to a third you start with just building one action every day build another action on top of it every day for example you start with just waking up early you do it for a few days and then you build on top of it by exercising every day and you build on top of it then eating healthy this will take at least 7 to 8 months but you will have built a protocol now after doing all of these things or even just one thing for one
(1:15:16) month or two months it will not take any effort for you to think I'm calling it a protocol but generally people call it a routine people think that routines are boring and if you have a routine you have to be disciplined and to be disciplined you can't have any free time to do whatever you want but you will be surprised at the amount of free time you have and the energy you have when you actually have a routine or a protocol because you're taking care of everything that you really want to take care of and then
(1:15:48) there's a lot of time for you to do whatever you want and you're not also constantly in the decision fatigue mindset exactly because if you're constantly battling with this question that should I wake up or not you're just battling with it every day once it becomes a part of your protocol or your habit then that question is off charts for you then the next questions like that you keep striking off these decisions that you have to wake up every day now I want to come towards the closure of uh this uh podcast episode a
(1:16:14) question that I always keep it for the end for my guest is their definition of success you know we have talked about Physical Realm of our being we talked about emotional mental body talked about mental health trauma therapy our relationships everything is going on in this life for us and we are working in multiple domains every single day of our life and somewhere we are getting exhausted somewhere we are becoming more passionate you know out of all of this clutter and chaos and Clarity around us what is your definition of success my
(1:16:48) definition of success is very simple my definition of success is having really uh really healthy relationships right and always always growing i' I've felt successful a lot of times in my life before and the only time that I don't feel very successful is when I'm not growing right so I know that if I'm am growing I'm working on myself I'm working on my growth be it in every direction right I could be just growing in my relationships or just growing in my career or just growing in terms of my finances if just in one of
(1:17:24) those areas I'm working I am working on myself I call it success beautifully said princy thank you for joining me on the journey within podcast sharing your perspective your knowledge your wisdom uh and normalizing the conversations about mental health through your platform which is get me therapy and I encourage my viewers to check out your page and uh yeah thank you thank you so much sha it was great being here thank you for having me hi I'm princy the co-founder of get me therapy on the journey within podcast
(1:17:58) and it has been a beautiful fascinating insightful experience thank you so much sha for having us here please like comment subscribe and follow for more thank you for watching the episode please let us know what is it that You' have learned through this episode in the comment section and what is it that you would like to talk about or what are your questions we'll try to address them in our future episodes thank you so much once again please do subscribe to the channel like comment and share and help us reach a wider audience
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