Top Secrets of Love and Relationships | Amol Parashar | TJW 40 #thejourneywithin
Author Name:Shobha Rana
Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@iamshobharana
Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ren-u2zBPmc
Transcript:
(00:01) my dream of doing a play called let's have sex in IIT around the IIT Festival you're comfortable using sex more than love because I understand that that's easy to understand scientifically it can be broken down easier than love we never are taught to be vulnerable when you're an actor when you're really famous and people like you then Instagram is a dating app so I look at dogs and I don't see any dog trying to be a better dog love is acceptance it is again an easy word to use but it it can mean a lot when you actually practice it
(00:40) pehle I used to feel that I am honest but I also figured that I am also equally dishonest I had to fall in love with this person over the newer version again a newer version over and over again the situation permits for you to be in that relationship at the moment it's more than casual it's less than relationship it's weird cleverness is that I provide it first so I can demand it [Music] welcome to the journey within podcast with me shobharana this is a podcast where we Deep dive into the personal growth journeys of our guests their
(01:23) Journeys their experiences the life that they have lived from that we try to seek some insights and wisdom on how to live this life better we try to improve our personal self walk towards this journey of self-discovery and living our best life but before we get into today's episode there's something interesting that we have found out at our YouTube analytics now 80 of our listeners that is you guys are not our subscribers so a humble request to all of you please subscribe to the Channel please do like comment and share the content that you
(01:59) really liked if it is worth it don't be shy in sharing about it spread it to your friends families and help us reach a wider audience so that with these relevant conversations about our journey within to understand our inner world we can help more people now let's get back to today's episode today I've got a super cool iitn in the house he is popularly known as DJ chitwan from tvf tripling I know you've already guessed who I'm talking about yes I'm talking about this supremely talented actor theater artist Storyteller and
(02:32) everybody's favorite amol parashar please welcome him on the journey within podcast I'm not an authority on anything so I don't know but you're talking about so many things of course and then theater and everything also gives you a certain kind of confidence and and knack for storytelling but in terms of knowledge I always believe key authorities like I was talking to you when you're just coming that how bored are you talking about IIT and you're engineering
(03:16) and you started on just that note stories because every conversation I try to be fluid in my conversations so that I also enjoy and uh that hopefully keeps everyone engaged so I would like at the end of my life for people to watch all my interviews and see everything and then see we were just talking about perspective
(04:01) change with dying they can change with you know one thing can be funny uh and sad yeah so anyway your attitude changes over time I think actually believe what you used to believe in five years ago 10 years ago yeah yeah and therefore your attitude changes towards everything so um you did your engineering from one of the most premium institutes in the country IIT from there to now being an actor how has this journey been it's a wide spectrum I'm talking about I'm talking about like yeah it's been an interesting journey of
(04:43) course it's been tough on uh there have been tough days there have been easy days there have been fun days but uh so like like you rightly said I think that was a very different person who took that call I was working in a company I had a job I had a salary I was like and everything as a young Indian male but I don't know why there was something missing there was there was in fact there was a lot missing because now you know how incomplete you felt at that time you know because with age hopefully you feel more and more complete excuse
(05:18) me something that is missing inside of you that you're trying to fill and you're probably trying to fill with bad things you know what are the bad things and probably just like spending money on drinking parties or you know he says I mean you're not spending money on dating but you're also yeah you're seeking that validation from the opposite sex that I had I think uh lasts forever though now I'm beginning to realize maybe your confidence around it uh becomes better or at least you're not like as desperate or needy as you are
(05:53) when you are 20 especially from an engineering College of course but uh so you Bola department but you are wanting and needing doesn't go away I think in my department is what I feel right now I don't know 20 years later I might have a different yeah I'm sure the equation has also sort of reversed no back in the day when you were 20 in an engineering College limited number of girls in the college to now in a world where you're thrown out and you are this a mole parasha the phenomenal actor the comedian the storytellers
(06:25) I was I was uh deprived of female attention no I was like or at least that's what I felt I felt you've till I finish school I was the nerdy kid in like I jumped schools a lot so it's also different in different schools it's not always the same experience but more or less uh that and then I go to a place like IIT happy
(07:21) because I am from Delhi you know I speak a certain way I have friends Delhi friends I have a car and um but then again it is uh foreign for these things so that happened in IIT
(08:27) um what came out of this feeling validated feeling cool okay you know you play the role that you're assigned I think everybody's an actor wake upset then you play that role you know you play the cool kid so I was playing the Google I'm the party kid you know let's go drink and I got travel into drinking and so you're living that image because you know they they are looking up to you for that thing and you're leaving [Laughter] so so that was I think that one shift that happened
(09:13) um uh I was also uh since I think we I I realized that we're going to go into the direction of love and relationships and all of that so I'll anyway go into take that route into this story is I think it was also the age I was carrying a heartbreak inside me you know we all yeah um yeah exactly one-sided her heartbreak unrequited love unrequited love and also from a friend because you already know a
(09:56) school man you have a crush on somebody she's a friend of yours and then she very politely very nicely tells you she doesn't feel the same way but [Music] and then you hope um so that that becomes a very weird way of of living that she was in the same city she was in the same street she was in Delhi so school she went to LSR I went I came to IIT not that far I think one of the reasons I stayed back in Delhi was also that I never told my parents because they wouldn't have believed
(10:40) life decisions it was lower than my rank in terms I mean I probably could have gotten Electronics or computers computers for sure foreign
(11:59) I don't remember exactly but I don't think I would have told exactly anyone the exact reason because that would just like have sounded foolish that fit into the image that I already had in IIT yeah that this thing that I am not so attached to this as you guys are you know all you Mortals attached to these worldly things yeah correct and maybe deep down I realize now that
(12:46) I was probably in comparison to the rest of the world is likely more detached person with things or with you know how does a detached person score 238 rank in IIT I want it it doesn't have to Define you I mean you don't have to need it it doesn't have to Define you it doesn't have to send you down a spiral if you don't get it but you can still Aspire for it and I and I have had this conversation interesting question because I I it helps me improve my answer you know it's a smart question so I uh I what I did was I started giving the analogy of
(13:21) sports to a lot of people especially people who play sports I don't know if you do I have played yeah when you're playing sports you are uh into it you know in that moment you put everything you push your physical limits sometimes you get really emotional also people there are people who get really upset angry and frustrated you move on but you come back and you play it with the same passion the next time so one-sided passionate love led to you choosing very passionate [Laughter]
(14:09) you're still in touch with that girl or I don't know otherwise [Laughter] but now she's married she has children so but we are friends you're still friends you know there are those WhatsApp groups [Music] so there are there are those WhatsApp it's not um I think after school it was never it was actually never a very strong one-on-one yeah but I just wondered can you get conversations you know you like them why is it true there's so much fear of rejection
(14:52) there's so much fear of uh it's being vulnerable and I think we never are thought to be vulnerable um we are still learning I think I'm maybe better at it now than before but Habibi what do you think you know when you have to be really honest and then you need people around you who who encourage that you know where you feel safe because we also are not be ones we are not taught to be vulnerable one second we are not even taught to be taught how to behave when somebody else is being vulnerable you know we don't accept it so the other
(15:37) person feels a little like being vulnerable and letting people be vulnerable are two separate skills and both are equally important either because that's how you encourage a safe space and I guess I mean if we are going to talk about romantic relationships I think that's a big part of romantic relationship as well because you're so close to someone and then if you can't be vulnerable in front of them or if you don't feel safe um around them in terms of speaking your truth then you know it's then you won't realize but you will feel
(16:14) bogged down you will feel uh then you'll find other you know friends yeah online yeah and interestingly many many managers lives forever in Generations have probably been like that they they were devoid of vulnerabilities which is uh sad actually I feel uh because the way we grow up default Behavior which is being passive aggressive in relationships you know saying what you don't mean or not saying what you really want to say all that behavior basically hiding your vulnerability hiding your fear
(16:58) um not um accepting the rejection well or taking the rejection well I think that becomes somewhere a default Behavior change I think we need some sort of yeah we also learn from the world around us we learn from our elders our parents our families you know so Generations they also learned from their uh you know sometimes parents but you know it is something that uh and at the same time parents are people who probably want the only people who want the best for you who will lay down on a railway track for you uh
(17:39) they are doing their best it is just that you know everybody is imperfect everybody along the way what we try to do is we try to generalize the learning or the application of one learning in one situation to every other situation like if parents are encouraging you to be competitive then if you take that Spirit into every area in your life that doesn't work in certain areas that works maybe right so the intelligence of using it at the right place that spirit that competitive Spirit could be creating wonders for you and using it at the
(18:10) wrong places could be completely detrimental to you and your friendships and relationships and everything that you're trying to build so I think upbringing May uh do ingredients um know everything about my life or every moment that I've lived nobody don't want to share them does anyone knows it yeah I know does anyone know I think I think
(18:54) some people are close yeah I mean I would say one person right now but some people come close to that but um they don't know what has happened in the past few years because you've kind of like been moved away from each other among you talk about stories about relationships about sex about casual relationships what is your understanding of a casual relation what exactly is it I think the word here casual um but uh sex again is such a vulnerable
(19:42) I think it makes you feel so honorable at least in that moment and for some reason I mean many reasons I guess social religious uh is mainly somehow sex has come become a thing that we don't talk about openly uh and that leaves a lot of scope for misinterpretation a lot of scope for mislearnings a lot of scope for mistakes and all scope for crimes uh because you don't understand how to deal with your own desires and other people's desires and you mistake certain cues for for sexual cues it's like such a big part of us we're
(20:21) all living beings from a certain perspective I believe that we're all plants you know those desires are insiders now of course we live in a world which is which is where we also think about other things and not just key you know I'll kill this person to reproduce you know that's not the world we live in and we want to live in we want to factor in other things also want to factor in happiness we want to factor in Comfort we want to factor in food whatever love companion whatever other feelings also we want to we want to increasingly you
(21:06) said you didn't even think about love I love them again is a complex Emotional Love is something that I don't know how to define so I use it very sparingly uh because you know and it's funny because even the people I say I love you too there are moments and I feel like what does it mean like I'm feeling like saying it and I'm enjoying listening to it but what does it really mean when we say to each other how is it different
(21:52) from you know how is this different from this why are we saying this what love means to me I uh I say love is acceptance um it is again an easy word to use but it it can mean a lot when you actually practice it very difficult to practice uh accepting other people for whoever they are for whatever they are not just in this moment because they're also changing constantly uh they're also one change is that you know because like we said bad thoughts weird things ideas fantasies truths past future aspirations desires there's so many
(22:38) things inside a complex human being and if you are able to accept it even if you don't agree with it I mean there's slightly different things you may not agree I may not agree with somebody's political opinions but I'm able to accept them I'm able to give them space comfortings you know this thinking or worrying or you know um please love but sex is a very basic yeah you're comfortable using sex more than love yeah because I understand that that's easy to understand it's scientifically
(23:23) it can be broken down easier than love love I think is something that we're still at least in terms of scientific understandings at least I am still trying to figure what it may mean when I read more when I see interesting things art maybe that idea maybe that understanding becomes better and it it changes also evolves like my idea of if you ask me 10 years back what does love mean for you maybe I would have I don't even know what my answer would have been choosing a college in a city just to yeah I mean maybe somebody
(23:59) can also call it toxic yeah now yeah you know or I can be like uh weird you know it might have been awkward for the other person you know we didn't we took less into consideration about what our love was making other people feel and that has been a big problem at least where we have grown up yeah um uh it's it's it borders on harassment right now we can like I'm not saying I harassed her but you know it can if I was a different kind of boys
(24:55) but do you think hundred percent love or acceptance is possible in today's world when all of us are constantly changing and evolving physically mentally emotionally spiritually it's a lot of work right and that's why they say love is work and that's why I know sometimes I wonder if you ask you know all these they're all these Instagram reels about marriages that lasts for 50 years and when you ask them how did you [Music] three years in a certain direction you are reading
(25:48) certain books you are living your own lives and you are having your own conversations you are constantly evolving and uh catching up with that evolution is work like keeping in touch what are you thinking keeping in touch accepting that things will change they will change you will change and accepting your own chain I mean because I use this example also in terms of self-love or self-love weeks and when I try to think about what it may mean it kind of fits into my own definition if you're able to accept certain parts
(26:32) of yourself because we don't we are not always able to and that creates a lot of conflict and I see that in people I see that in me I you know you go through a certain tricky phase bad phase not so easy phase exactly what exactly happened you know and I realized that what has really happened is that there was something I saw something inside of me that I didn't like or that I didn't accept it Justified sometimes you're able to justify you actually walk around
(27:18) we are able to make up stories to justify our own behavior but sometimes you're not able to and then you fight with that idea for a long time or you you try to Grapple with it and eventually you have to accept yeah maybe maybe I'm uncool also it's okay you know or maybe you know I can be jealous in a moment it's fine like I don't have to stick to this image again feelings the feelings are weird you know I think all of us this is my personal experience that all of us are also the exact opposite of who we believe we are
(27:51) this is my my personal uh it can be everything like again as a writer so I also we believe in that belief I used to feel that I am honest but I also figured that I'm also equally dishonest you know it might not be stealing from someone it might not be the actual definition of dishonesty but yeah in a lot of ways emotionally it's mentally even physically for your own self you're dishonest in so many ways so we are such complex beings and like you're saying love is work Love Takes work 100 acceptance is is a lot of work
(28:29) um so do you think that because love is work finding sex is easier than finding love in today's world today's definitely yeah definitely because yeah [Laughter] foreign when you're an actor when you're famous
(29:27) and people like you then Instagram is a dating app yeah of course yeah everything happens on Instagram it's better than many of the reasons yeah because because there are people who are interested in you yeah yeah um so you're not even like how uncomfortable you are talking about like I'm just trying to choose my words carefully I know so I don't come across you know I don't say anything stupid or that seems little creepy or whatever uh because there are a lot of conversations about this also no about being famous
(30:00) and about this thing and how you use that thing and power dynamics and all of that so you want to be careful about uh drawing your boundaries also but I it comes into play you know people are interested in you because of who you are they will show interest and they will show interest in like bold ways and they'll be like whoa so there's nothing you don't feel like I suppose I am people young people people are just like very bold these days no I'm just trying to be uh I'm trying not to be disrespectful that's all yeah
(30:38) yeah but if you're telling a fact in a graceful manner if at all it can be told yeah oh my God this is only all the Snapchat culture and you know Instagram and all the ways and centuries and nudes and oh it's very easy it's very easy so when you have this easier access to Casual relationships how does one go towards finding true love dude does one even need to find true love then I know I believe that there was a phase in my life where I thought yeah maybe this is who I am and it's not even about but this is who I am probably this is this
(31:22) is where I'm supposed to be you know I'm supposed to Focus my mental energies on my work work towards my craft love is something I'm not able to understand and I think it's not meant for me whatever love means to other people because you're also learning from other people so you're in a relationships but your definition changes when you meet somebody else and then that happens but in that in between phase you know I feel dishonest behave [Music]
(32:17) that's not feeling true so I thought this at least feels true it may be shallow it may not be like it may not give you the emotional uh cushion or whatever but at least it's true it is what it is I'm not having to lie yeah like somebody else that I am not so that uh I live that life for three four years again much less than many other people because I'm also careful about um people because maybe you know you should know how to you know
(33:02) handle things gracefully and that takes a little bit of effort and time and all and you're not always willing yeah you know are you you are in one two things for a while and then kind of like Fades away or there's something that's that's like going on every three months you woke up and you meet there is this another word these days it's called Situation do you know about that yeah top of pop culture um but so what is the difference between a casual relationship or a situation
(33:50) um and I'm like what is this please make me understand so because the situation permits for you to be in that relationship at the moment it's more than casual relationship it's weird is it excusing it's not exclusive I don't I hope you don't Define it for them yeah they Define it for themselves it's so many new words are catching up with actual uh Behavior no the words but culturally I think people are trying out new things and uh I think it's very interesting I find it very interesting that people are trying out new things
(34:32) because it's also then I mean they will be uh you will go down paths that eventually you will realize are not meant for you but at least you try and you find out for yourself who you are and what works for you and and uh yeah because I empathize with the traditionalists because it's so fast like I see my parents and when they were growing up too now they're watching their children in their youth yeah it is a drastic difference and they are I I appreciate
(35:19) that they are as much as possible in time correct and there probably are times when they feel yeah they might have a judgment on it but they are trying to keep up pace but I when I see it uh from their eyes or if I put myself in their position I can imagine how fast oh [Laughter]
(36:10) later but how would you talk to someone if it is disgraceful words what were your words like comfortable words for sex back then [Music] let's have sex I love it which is amazing I mean I find more at uh is in this world than I did then because I remember stories foreign
(36:58) [Music] and then there is a poster and there is an audition of this play that I'm always directing and those are the guy they put I think uh directing let's have sex in college in college this is going to be our uh uh English English Entry English I love the script because it was like
(37:46) very out there and you know sex was like just a general topic like everybody's like talking about sex in the play I remember some people didn't turn up for the audition like some girls didn't Donna because they wanted to act they wanted to be in a play but they were shy or awkward they were like you know hostile me you know I said you're so good and I can't do this because I you know hospital was already making jokes about it and I can't uh this thing I felt bad also one primarily for losing a good actor were you playing yourself in that uh
(38:27) correct so I I was not acting in the play that was not the idea at least at that time and it was a script it was a little script to be downloaded and something like you know and then eventually we have to shut down their plane we had to look for something else because it seemed to me the world told me yeah look for an easier maybe there'll be some awkwardness maybe at some point some other actors will drop out then what will you do so the wiser voices swoop down and said key um
(39:11) so that my dream of doing a play called let's have sex in IIT Rendezvous the IIT Festival foreign [Music] so complex yeah yeah but uh yeah but I
(40:20) like I've always um found the production is around sex a little weird a little illogical maybe there are certain ideas that you want to keep away from children for example because they're still learning about Newtons but your thoughts can be wild and can go in any direction so where does one draw a boundary here I don't know like I don't know how other people practice just because you had a thought so you're not even what I'm trying to ask is that where do you draw that boundary like you're saying uh that if we could talk
(41:04) it talk about it with more ease if we could talk about uh sex with more ease and Fantasies with more ease so fantasies so how does one drop every fantasy might work for you he might have a fantasy that you like hey yeah it's not like um is what I have learned from whatever like I have not spoken to every person in the world about their fantasies right whatever I understand from having talked to people my friends or my partners or just reading stuff uh they can't do very different something before fantastic heart disease me here I went to
(41:48) Amsterdam right now and there was oh boy oh yeah I'm going there next month Museum of prostitution and there's a wall of people having left on their fantasies yeah or something that has happened to him yeah the actual experiences that they enjoyed uh we had experiences uh and all you know fantasies that they've had you read the whole life it's interesting to note that you know people can be so different from each other there will be times probably I will I can say something or I think is a common sexual thing or something like
(42:29) um [Music] there's a lot of judgment also that comes in when you uh talk about these things or hear about these things which are out of the ordinary yeah and this is all the default reactions [Music] and uh and I have noticed this and I'm glad to have such people around me who sometimes will react to certain way and certainly actually that's not my true reaction and that I believe you are that that's a self-aware person give a horror I would say I notice myself doing this but you know actually what I'm taking this back
(43:10) I don't know why I said this it was just an automatic also [Music] why I chose acting uh is also the season really suddenly you found something where one you're able to express and then you're able to think about
(43:55) thoughts and feelings and then you're able to think about other your characters thoughts and feelings then you're able to compare your own thoughts and feelings with that see awareness about the world and people at large and then being able to express those things you know not a very expressive kid I was the ideal kid yeah [Laughter] but there is a world inside that child that exists and that world and those thoughts and feelings they just exist it's almost like so did acting give you that outlet yeah I found like oh I can be this I can be
(44:40) suddenly a bad child also on stage you know I can be a bad guy I can be a murderer or I can be assuming other things that real life doesn't allow me to be there's a lot of freedom in because other s we are all subscribe being a better person right um but there's just this idea of human beings wanting to be better human beings it's a very beautiful idea that I find very interesting yeah because I look at dogs and I don't see any dog trying to
(45:23) be a better dog exactly because of language I think there's a lot of problem because of the language yes you know like just being a better person I think it's it's language um glamorized and glossed version this is a better person but actual man there's no ideal definition of being a better person how we all have our own levels you know we all try to be better
(46:07) versions of ourselves and uh foreign not very defined
(47:07) concerts what are the craziest thoughts that you get um but you know it can be anything and it can be um like today I was flying in so Mumbai thanks to that foreign um
(48:00) do your thoughts bring you anxiety they have they have maybe at that time I also didn't have the word for it is in their bodies what you realize now is that like I used to um I used to feel something very strongly when I had to let's say you know like leaving one place was always I'm sure it's difficult for everyone but I knew it was difficult for my stomach
(48:44) like that day my stomach will go bad that is also something that is not like that's him but there is a certain reaction or physical reaction to this event and that I remember when I think these kind of things probably everyone has in some ways the change is change brings on certain fears or anxiety or among people were talking about relationships earlier this term commitment phobia that I see is coming up so much like another day my friend was telling me that you know I have commitment issues people are recognizing
(49:27) it um [Laughter] like I felt like at a certain age I felt like it's not for me and I still sometimes do but it's just that I am in a place where I am comfortable at least the other person [Music] certainly there's no like but do you
(50:20) hold that place that safe place for your partner in your life I think so yeah in fact I I think my my cleverness is that I provide it first ah so I can demand it is [Laughter] Some Humans almost yeah it was very easy to fairness fairness fairness Justice at least theoretical level so I think that's been my um uh processary
(51:04) but if not you don't say it in as many words but that's how you operate you're putting your money where your mouth is yeah yeah I said yeah I'm willing to I'm willing to be this person and because I believe in it it's not something and if you do point out um
(51:48) take that into account also okay let's think about that basics all right you know they were trying to pass on their thoughts and ideas um to Future Generations but sometimes you wonder you know there is also you go to an age where you thank you
(52:40) foreign let's go um you're all looking for words to express ourselves um honesty I think is a again it's in terms of that vulnerable honesty only that you
(53:26) know which is a it is [Music] maybe if you're if you're also okay with the fact that yeah um and that is okay I also know
(54:12) couples I have my friends who is loving that already don't tell me what type are you are you tell me everything I'm enjoying telling right now okay right now because also um I'm also very much that yeah I enjoy because I've also not been that also you know it is it is new for me because I've I've lived so much inside of myself over the years also just because of my life experiences we were also always moving around a lot changing school so even friendships are never formed which were deep which were like you know I've known this
(54:44) person for 10 years they know me who they know who I am but do you think length of a friendship defines the depth of a friend but I think it Maybe not maybe not but uh at least you know growing up that helps you open up a little more because you're also growing up very fast it never becomes like
(55:32) or at least in my case it never became like so I was always candid it it was not like I was hiding things from anyone I was being dishonest but how much do you know you also have to have the same experiences somewhere to at least relate teens foreign the war I just feel like that
(56:18) level of vulnerability I've reached not uh very early child okay with being 100 vulnerable now there are people I have found and I am trying to nurture because again you know it takes work yeah especially in this day and age when you know everybody is just like busy and we all have our lives so even friends uh some people from college [Music] so you also need that you need someone
(57:26) to call you out are you I think I've been here again because it will take the rifle it will take taking those risks once or twice because that happens you know and I think we all need and you also then you make the kind of friends who are able to listen to that foreign I just want people to say good things yeah but I have friends who I've been um because we've been at a certain party
(58:14) and then we'll come back we're not those people come on just like acting Arts so it is a honest conversation you know what even actual friends those who know that they are well wishes they're saying or speaking from a good place and good intent and all of that but when the feedback like that comes which is like negative it's not easy to take it like you know something in your heart is like breaking because you're attached to the process and the outcome and whatever you've created and now you're getting this feedback and you're like oh God
(58:56) what was all that effort for I'm not ready for this feedback as I know you're not sometimes I am also like I know it's well meaning you know yeah right now but we'll sit down 15 days later a month down the line we'll sit down criticism feedback
(59:51) negative feedback and again I was like dude I'm not ready for this you know am I such a bad person am I such a bad professional or whatever then there's also the attachment with uh yourself 100 your identity that is your identity right that's that's probably a kind of work that anyway we are all doing at the back end Hardware software identity uh doesn't get questioned just because somebody has a certain feedback how does one work on this amul
(1:00:36) you tell me I mean I'm I'm also as you know in the journey as you are yeah yeah so I don't know uh one thing that that I have figured out from my experience is that that attachment to your identity and um placing yourself worth equivalent to your identity and more mostly we do it we place it equivalent to our professional identity it's not the best thing to do maybe because the first thing when someone asks you who you are the first thing we tell is our name and the second thing is your profession because that's what you reduce yourself
(1:01:10) to naturally you attach a lot of words to it so when it gets questioned naturally there's a lot of uh you know uh conflict within you that arises which is not able to process all of this madness at once so yeah I said this exact same thing that you just said in another conversation last year um I say I am not an actor this is what I am trying to tell myself that I am I am not an actor I act that's something I do and especially me who has been all kinds of people not all kinds but different kinds of people over the course of my
(1:01:48) life and have had different aspirations different goals um the identity of of the actor is is a completely different thing and and I can be anything when you see it as a job that this is something that you do say okay you won't be best at it uh every day and you are trying your best you are you know trying to do your job and you are motivated and you are good and you work hard and and you see people around you and they don't work as hard or they're not as good and then yeah it's only aware there's nothing wrong with me I am
(1:02:34) doing uh what I can do best right not everything has to fall in place and there are other things and move on and I was also a different kind of realization for me because like last year for the first time I took a holiday in my life no Amsterdam was just right now for last month this was also one of those like I never traveled on your own money on my own money perks of being an artist I'm going on like I'm doing international travel shows and I'm shooting in certain locations internationally
(1:03:21) but then I realize that many people are saying no it's not the same thing no it's not the same and people like kind of you know give some credits to okay so I tried that you went Alone by yourself and all kinds of things foreign foreign [Music]
(1:04:27) and I think I had and maybe till a certain time I was important because I needed to put everything in but now I don't have to I realize this is one conversation I was having with GK gaurav Kapoor the difference between need and want yeah I don't need to I want to so as long as you know I think we all start when you come from uh from a lower middle class background or whatever you want to provide for yourself you know basic necessities because exactly you know um I meet a lot of people even acting acting not just acting alone
(1:05:16) foreign [Music] [Music] foreign but in small things at least it gives
(1:06:31) you a certain discipline it gives you a certain kind of motivation that you know how to push through uh when you're not feeling it eventually again it's a very basic way of putting it but you think competition is fair yeah yes we are in this business ah no just like everywhere else yeah in life you just I mean you just have to identify operation I think and never be fair also because it's a mix of so many things it's amazing where you are who you are what you are your destiny yeah your birth has so much to do yeah who
(1:07:17) you're going to compete with responses yeah that that somehow feels unnatural of course nobody is saying that that was a stupid thing that you said nobody's saying that
(1:08:04) right and thankfully I have people around me even my parents will be like yeah you know I mean sometimes you wonder they say everything that you do I think they do they might do they don't tell you they might not talk about everything that I do but try but everything that you do cannot be a dinner table conversation also now so what's being shared of it on Instagram and everything of course they've seen it but maybe they don't know how to bring it up it's not in their vocabulary but I try to have uh no I think they're willing it's just
(1:08:49) like they lack the vocabulary sometimes and they and and their own training of being honest in these ways or vulnerable in these ways now I sometimes think like even if I we bought something you know it opens them up [Music] so you can have a normal conversation yeah how in that film the sex scene was like they saw in this film the sex scene so and they also realized so it puts them at ease and and I like that uh I don't want to make no uncomfortable but I want them to be comfortable yeah violence at least they're able to say this
(1:09:38) um so that I uh try uh but what were we talking about before yeah I just thought of a friend uh you know I was at their home and uh mom and dad are sitting and somewhere somehow this this topic of sex comes in and Mom is naturally for uncomfortable and the father is still okay to the guy ends up asking his his mom he do you guys not have sex now and the mother is 60 plus the father is 60 whatever close to 70.
(1:10:11) conversation for me it was kind of awkward because I I have not had I have not never asked my parents but are you having sex now or not have you had that into playing season three um so tripling season three was based on this idea that parents are saying we are separating yeah I mean tripling is also slightly a Fantastical word yeah so but but you can at least this this gives us an opportunity to talk about these things so it's like an old couple 35 years ago together and said you know okay all right and that's what has been actually I
(1:10:53) think why people love that guy because he says it out loud yeah exactly so everybody else is like the brother is really like um it's so awkward and the guy was like yeah why is it awkward it's basic human need and just because your aging doesn't mean that your desire or need stops and and I kind of then rolled myself back and I was like yeah so many layers [Music] from here to there also or anyone from
(1:11:39) here to there but yeah but conversations that give you and I believe that what chitwan thank you audience yeah you know you love a person when they say exactly what you're feeling yeah exactly and you are not and you're laughing because you're not able to say yeah yeah because there is there is certain awkwardness around um gracefully um
(1:12:39) remember life is that simple things no he sometimes says and that is what in fact that that had that I had to create that approach towards that character because they were they could have been 100 ways to say that say those lines because in fact it is very it's written in a very hangover that character yeah he's just like weird and you couldn't play it in many different ways but playing that character help you grow in your own mind I think so I think so open up and and you realize because when you
(1:13:25) because I had to constantly be in a state of mind that he's chill about it yeah he's not doing it for effect he's the cool guy that we were talking about he's not even trying to be cool he's so cool that he's not trying to be cool yeah and that can be like if you find that place in your head it can be liberating yeah and if you are having to go to that place again and again and again again for 30 days 40 days and then for Seasons you know it opens up your own attitude towards certain things yeah complicated this is also a way to think about this
(1:14:10) attitude is a very important thing in life nothing is good or bad you have seen so much in life you have scored 238 in your iot this exam let's let's go back to that point and you've scored some brilliant rules here for uh yourself as an actor you are an amazing Storyteller of all this that you're doing what is your definition of success I read somewhere uh no I didn't read it somebody read it and said success is a calm nervous system and they send it to me say you I think somebody really close to me like my partner so I saw it as like you know
(1:14:52) sure are you sure I mean because it's not always the truth but uh you also get a sense of who you are from other people around you know what they're saying something I don't listen to them uh because you don't know everything so I think eventually it is being able to be comfortable with who you are and where you are and I also believe that it's not something that happens and then it stains forever maybe something that may happen for a while it was such a lovely conversation with you amol thank you so much for
(1:15:23) coming I don't know what it was about but mostly sex eventually other things yeah it became about many other things but I'm so glad that you uh spared time to join me on the journey within you thank you so much guys all right if you have made it to the end of this video please do remember to a subscribe like comment and share because so guys do the needful thank you so much for watching I really hope that you're enjoying these conversations and if there is any feedback comment section make that your friend thank you
No comments:
Post a Comment