Intimacy Expert: Get The Spark Back, Sexless Marriages, What Couples Get Wrong, Make Them Yearn

Intimacy Expert: Get The Spark Back, Sexless Marriages, What Couples Get Wrong, Make Them Yearn

Author Name:Relearn

Youtube Channel Url:https://www.youtube.com/@Relearnwithkash

Youtube Video URL:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3u5_znFBFM



Transcript:
(00:00) Our superpowers as women are less in our heads and more between our legs. I am an orgasm facilitator. Women finally fall in love in themselves and starts to source their power within instead of outsourcing it through a man, through another surgery, through another Gucci bag. They are leaving toxic relationships, leaving soul sucking jobs, starting their companies, going on stages, taking space and really becoming empowered.
(00:30) It's helping to use sex to manifest these things. >> So BB, anyone can go to your Instagram and they're going to find out that you've helped thousands of women, thousands of men, thousands of couples. I want for our listeners to know what is it you do and what's the problem that you solve the most? >> What I do, I like to if I have to do like a very short pitch elevator, I like to say that I am an orgasm facilitator.
(00:54) But there is much more to that than you can think. And what I would say the main intention is to help people to reconnect with their sensual erotic energy >> in a conscious and intentional way. And that means that the way they self-pleasure is going to change, the way they make love with their partners is going to transform.
(01:22) But even more than that, because once we really have access to what is essentially the most powerful energy we can source within, then really everything in life changes. And that has been my story and thousands of my clients from becoming actually just falling in love within yourself and your body, becoming more confident, more creative, and supernatural as Joe Despensza likes to say.
(01:49) What's kind of the typical problem that men and women come to you for individually? >> Women are it's it's you you see the same as with any kind of spirituality workshops. It's usually 70 80% women. And >> why do you think that is? >> I think few reasons for that. One is because it requires vulnerability. It requires admitting that something is not necessarily working or even that it's working but I want to grow.
(02:15) And secondly, I would say men value soft skills less. So they're so much more open to invest in another business course, focus or productivity thing, but somehow they dismiss emotional intelligence, intimacy, again, all the soft skills, right? Let's look at the women. They feel like they're constantly in their masculine working, doing, grinding, organizing, and they completely disconnected from their feminine.
(02:45) Sometimes they don't exactly know what that means. So that's what we figure actually out during the work together. But usually the symptoms will be they feel disconnected from their body. They don't feel pleasure. They lose interest in intimacy. It's hard for them to orgasm. You know the intimacy with their partner is almost non-existent.
(03:07) Right? So another one is uh they have a challenge. They're challenged to experience orgasms. And there's actually about 15% of women who never experienced orgasm. I think there's more uh but that's what the official statistics say. So women want to know and we are in this beautiful moment in history uh that there is finally enough information right so they hear from me on my social media that there is many different pleasure experience possible right full body energy chest heart big O's and so on and finally they become okay so it's nothing
(03:46) is wrong with me it's actually possible and there are even also other ways connecting more to pleasure becoming more orgasmic complete lack of intimacy or low quality not nourishing intimacy in a relationship let's say those are some of the top things >> I definitely want to get into um couples intimacy and sexless marriages but I really want to dissect first the connection between masculine and feminine and when you say a woman she would be too much in her masculine and wouldn't be able to orgasm for example
(04:17) like I want to really dissect this starting off with the kind of masculine feminine dynamic and then how feminine power relates to orgasmic. >> Yeah, it's all happening in the head. All the decisions are taken based on logic. We normally don't listen to our body, right? You are tired, you you know get another coffee and you power through a 12-hour working day.
(04:40) >> Not only there is like disconnect from the body itself because you literally ignore it. If you're tired, you just again power through. And so many women just basically burn out. >> Yeah. >> Uh so many women stop having regular menstruation or they want to get pregnant and they can't. So there are many ways that this powering through manifests.
(05:05) So that's being in the masculine and not honoring the body, the cycle, etc. how it then translates into pleasure is that if we are constantly stressed and tense, it's actually very difficult to experience pleasure. The more tensed and stressed we are, the more receptive to pain, the more relaxed and open, the more we are receptive to pleasure.
(05:30) But it it's a state that those women hardly have access to. It's so much easier for women just to put a vibrator and, you know, get another task off the list. Again, not really connecting to your body, not taking time to relax, not taking time to feel. So, does that make sense? And how we go into so much into we swing into so much of the masculine that there is again [clears throat] very little happening below the head.
(05:57) the work that you do exploring your body as a woman, is that how they can then start connecting more into their feminine? >> I'm not going to tell every woman, hey, in order to be feminine, you have to be flowy and soft and slow. I want you to define it with yourself. But how are you going to define it? First, by being less in your head and more in your body.
(06:20) How does this work? We are slowing down. We are starting to really connect to the entire body. We are slowly starting to feel because it actually takes some time to tune into more subtle sensations. We also change the mindset from a goal oriented self-pleasure or goal oriented intimacy with a partner to just hey being with the moment.
(06:45) Can you connect to whatever is and maybe it's going to be tears or sadness or maybe gentle uh pulsation and just be with that? Because I always say if you want to feel more pleasure, more ecstasy, you just have to feel more and you can't just pick and choose. So women also start to cry and they start to feel anger and resentment and sadness and grief and that opens them up to feeling more pleasure as well.
(07:14) And what's really fascinating, and I know this might be a little controversial for some people if I'm going to say that, but this has been my experience. Our superpowers are as women are less in our heads. >> Yeah. >> And more between our legs. >> Oh, I love that. >> And that is Yeah, that's the social media. [laughter] >> I love that >> censorship free version.
(07:36) When I create a new course or when I create a new event and I want to come with the most juicy ideas, I go for a intentional self-pleasure process. Wow. >> I have a pen and a paper. I have a visualization and then I add pleasure. I write the waves and I write it all down because there are so many ideas. I call it erotic downloads.
(07:57) >> Wow. >> And I know it again may sound cliche but it's really what it is. There is a certain radiance. There is a certain inner power. I'm not like insecure anymore. Oh my god, I'm getting older. Oh my god, my my chest is too small. Oh my god, all these things. I'm not good enough.
(08:15) I just know my power and I own it. And I get on stages to to talk in front of 10,000 people and I trust my ideas and in business I follow my intuition. I trust my intuition with my business decisions and it's just much more femaleled. Would you say that this practice should be applied by all women or is it only for certain types of women? I think you know for all women because let's be honest if you look at it the reason why female sexuality has been suppressed for 5,000 plus years when I look what has what is happening when the women reclaim their pleasure
(08:51) when they reconnect to their body when they activate that energy I like to say they're popping like a popcorn >> they are leaving toxic relationships leaving soul sacking jobs starting their companies going on stages taking space asking for a pay rise they deserve and really becoming empowered.
(09:12) So I think it is a general thing uh that kind of the patriarchal system this you know implemented that somehow through not accessing our pleasure suppressing our sexuality we are more disempowered. >> Yeah. >> So I think it's it's relevant for all the women. I was watching one of your testimonials from one of your clients and she was explaining how she felt more connected to her feminine power and was actually attracting more high conscious men into her life.
(09:42) >> Oh, that is happening all the time. That is happening all the time and I experience this as well. It's fascinating that once you are sure of yourself uh more confident um you attract different type of men and [clears throat] more more aligned with what really resonates with you rather than maybe seeking validation or just a hookup because you need it.
(10:08) You come from a very different place. So I noticed that. I really love this because I'm so big on getting to the depths because once you go deeper, you start to align more with a better reality. And so I'm kind of picturing two women here. One woman who is very much in a masculine seeing sex as almost like a just a quick task and a quick kind of pleasure and hit >> and therefore attracting guys who are also into that.
(10:33) >> Exactly. And then one the other woman being so connected with her body, feeling empowered by herself and therefore attracting much more higher conscious men who are not just seeking quick validation. >> Absolutely. >> I want to quickly touch on men >> before we get into couples because this is so fascinating where you know you can go deeper where a woman can connect to her body and as a result her entire life can shift.
(10:56) >> Mhm. >> How does this apply to men? it can be a very powerful portal to some kind of spiritual I don't want to maybe say awakening but for them um becoming open to go deeper into a personal growth personal development way through this. So for example energy [snorts] full body orgasm will be a great example from that.
(11:26) So many men again sadly because of what we are fed since the young age especially men and all the pornography it's very physical it's very short even how they self-pleasure right and when we learn how to move energy how to have those non-jaculary full body orgasm then they start to go into altered states for the first time and maybe again not so many men are patient enough to do meditation or They dismiss it for uh v various ways, right? While sexuality is a great portal >> and once they start to feel energy, move energy, experience those meditative
(12:03) states through conscious intimacy, >> they awareness expands, seeds are planted and there are many many shifts. So again for everyone this entry point will be different. I don't know what was your entry point. Mine was mine was my first full body energy bigo. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Uh where I touched kind of God and for the first time entered into this altered state.
(12:25) >> Wow. For me it was monks. I met monks. >> Yeah, that's right. >> But this would have been way more fun going down this route. [laughter] >> I want to talk about couples. >> Mhm. >> 70% of divorces are initiated by women. What's the biggest problem that you see when couples come to you? People think that intimacy somehow will be amazing like it used to be in the beginning of a relationship for years without any effort. We never talk about it.
(12:56) We never learn about how to actually become good at that. >> We don't prioritize it. Most couples just, you know, have sex at 1000 p.m. after they have been tired for the entire day and done million things and it's like the last thing on on the agenda and then they're just too tired to even engage in something more meaningful than a five minute quickie if even that.
(13:25) Um so yeah the idea that uh that it should be amazing by itself and um and if it's not it means the relationship is you know not good or that it's not the right partner or something is wrong with us. >> So sex doesn't necessarily define this like if a relationship is good or bad. >> It doesn't define it but it's a big part of it.
(13:50) And I would say when there are challenges in the bedroom, there are usually challenges elsewhere as well. Because to me, bedroom is not just a mirror of everything else that goes in life, but it's also a great training ground. >> Wow. >> For everything. You actually work on your intimacy and sexuality. and we break through some of the conditioning, some of the fears, the fact that maybe you don't have clear boundaries, communication skills.
(14:16) There is so much taboo, there is so much conditioning around the topic of sex that once you actually break through for all those things in the bedroom, it's so much easier to do it elsewhere >> outside of it. Another point of that female empowerment and why >> our work works outside of the bedroom, right? >> Yeah.
(14:38) So again, if you learn how to say no in the bedroom, it's so much easier to do the same with your work colleagues. If you learn how to ask for what you want in intimacy with so many people are so afraid of that, it's so much easier to go to your boss and ask for a payrise and so on and so on. Couples, let's come back to one more topic.
(14:59) One more topic here that is kind of connected to what I just uh with what I just said that people think that the spark is gone. There is this idea of the spark. The spark is gone and and >> this is sexless marriages, right? Like >> yes, but sometimes maybe there's still even intimate because uh a man will treat it more like a stress release and purely physical act.
(15:27) A woman will just treat it as her mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar mar marital duty and something she should do for just the sake of the marriage not to fall apart. They might be still doing it but it's not really exciting or nourishing.
(15:39) >> There is so much confusion around the spark. The spark is something you have at the beginning in the relationship. You fall in love. There is a very specific cocktails of hormones designed for us to procreate as soon as we can, etc. And it's different or what it's going to be 10 years down the road. And when I work with couples, I always say, I am actually not going to try to bring back the spark you had at the beginning.
(16:08) You are not the same person you were 10 years ago without kids, without responsibilities, young, freshly, newly met. You are guys different people right now. So we are not going to try to recreate what you had 10 years ago. What I want to create is an intimacy with more intentionality, with more depth, that is more sustainable, not just what I called an effortless attraction.
(16:34) What people refer to as a spark. I refer to this as an effortless attraction. And that's what you have at the beginning of the relationship. You don't really have to do much and you are excited for each other. But 10, 20 years down the road, that's not the case. It doesn't mean that you are not meant for each other, that you fell out of love, and that the your spark is gone.
(16:55) The effortless attraction is gone. But you can still come together, connect emotionally, learn each other's initiation styles and turnons. Uh, learn different ways to be intimate, not just through entry and penetration, but sensual, energetic, maybe even power play dynamics, right? and then learning the tools, the practices, the rituals, and then showing up to actually do them, >> right? >> And prioritizing it.
(17:25) Because look at that, for couples, everything else will be first, kids, business, even family, social commitments. What are you going to likely cancel first? Dinner with friends or, you know, a date night with your partner, >> right? >> Probably the latter, right? So, uh, it's kind of really the last on the priority list.
(17:51) And the number one challenge consistently for every single couple is time, not the practices itself because I designed them the way that we warm up into that. We gain trust, we progress slowly, etc. It's time. We had this to do, this to do. I actually in my course, I tell people you will need about two hours a week of commitment.
(18:11) Everyone that's easy. quickly they realize they don't even have half an hour of committed um quality time and going to cinema doesn't count. Sitting in front of a TV watching a series doesn't count. It's like being together with each other not even half an hour a week and then everyone expects amazing relationships. I tell him you probably go more to the gym that actually >> yeah showing up for your partner >> show up show up for your romantic relationship.
(18:41) So is that would you say that's actually the biggest cause of ending up in a relationship where you're basically roommates or sexless sexless marriages or anything >> that is one of the top causes I would say another one is complete lack of awareness because we don't get any education any tools or anything on conflict resolution conscious communication emotional intelligence uh all of that I start my course with couples uh with all of this because how are we even going you know talk about intimacy if we don't know how to communicate, how are we
(19:14) going to give feedback if things you know don't work etc. And then about the fact that there are actually skills that we need to learn how the anatomy works, how our pleasure arousal works. No one told us those things and you know porn was designed to entertain not to educate but we mistakenly have taken it as the number one source of education and everyone is you know lost because of that.
(19:41) So also this part which is complete lack of understanding how >> pleasure and orgasm work. >> Yeah. When it comes to couples intimacy I mean when they start it's like all this passion and fire and it's like I'm obsessed with this person. What kills the attraction over time? there is the honeymoon period uh where there is all kind of you know dopamine serotonine etc released in order for us to procreate before we change our mind. Okay.
(20:10) So that's just basically survival mechanism of human race. And then let's add to this that you are with this person living together having daily chores uh kids uh busy work and the lifestyle that we have that is completely not conducive of connecting with neither our bodies nor with a partner. Right? We are constantly tired, stressed, overwhelmed and and then we are glued to our phones and screens.
(20:46) There isn't actually anything in our lifestyle or education that helps those couples to thrive long term. >> Give me one thing. >> It makes sense. Like it's like if I want to grow my business, I put attention on my business. If I want to grow in that area, I need to put attention on it more. >> True.
(21:02) But we that's not that's not the mindset that we were given, right? >> Because it was so effortless at the beginning. It was so effortless at the beginning and no one ever talked because let's be honest, I have three master degrees and it was clear from the beginning to me that if I want to grow a business, I'll have to invest and learn. But no one ever told me that if I want a successful relationship, I should be investing in emotional intelligence, confirmation.
(21:28) >> I didn't find that out till I was, you know, late in my late 30s >> wondering why the relationships are not working out. How can a woman bring that attraction back where, you know, the spark's gone, she's no longer attracted to her husband or not feeling, you know, like you said, doing it out of duty.
(21:45) How can that kind of come back? >> I don't know if the attraction is the right word. I would maybe say connection, okay, for now. And it starts with an honest conversation. I know it sounds not that of an exciting revolutionary step, but it really takes two people to admit, hey, it's not amazing.
(22:06) we are not enjoying it and there is room for growth are we both committed to that so first an honest check-in secondly both sides need to be committed usually if it's just one what I will tell women is you know what okay start with yourself and do the work with yourself first either your men will notice you are more connected more radiant and often that happens and men say I love what I'm seeing I want to be a part of that or you will probably drift apart but at least you will be clear and uh and you know hopefully the first scenario is uh is going to take
(22:45) place not always I cannot guarantee but most of the time it does and then guys you don't have to reinvent the wheel like if you would ask me what do I do to become an amazing kite surfer who I am or a tennis player or learn a new language uh are you just going to go and try to figure it out by yourself? >> No. You're going to hire a trainer.
(23:10) So guys, let's take advantage of the fact that we are in a very special moment in the history of humanity where never before we had access to so much information about conscious intimacy and sexuality as we have right now. Even 10 years ago when I was starting, it was still, you know, a little uh I had to like sneak in and change the titles of my talks so they don't kick me out, etc.
(23:36) And some places, oh, how they say, "Oh, maybe that's too much. Now everyone wants it. There is never been that many podcasts, courses, books on the topic, retreats, etc." So don't try to necessarily figure it all by yourself. Ask ask a specialist, ask an expert and follow their guidance. Make it easy for yourself because if there is already attention, if there's already a disconnection and you're trying to figure it out yourself, it's it's going to be harder.
(24:08) So, you start with rituals, you start with emotional connection, creating safety. You then move into sensuality and actually understanding that sensuality and sexuality are two different things. So many couples are obsessed with penetration and entry because we were brainwashed into the fact that that's what sex is and that's the only thing that counts.
(24:35) Learning a lot of different frameworks erotic blueprints are great, right? Women are actually not that high on sexual that are they are mainly energetic and sensual. So understanding our differences, understanding our different initiation styles, different turnons, all the different types of pleasure and big orgasms then we can access, right? Uh and so on.
(24:57) So >> yeah, >> that is kind of the work that we do, but it starts with communication, safety, and emotional connection. >> I'm going to ask you a question because I asked this to my friend. We were just having a conversation around how men and women view sex. >> And I asked her, and you can tell me your thoughts on this.
(25:13) I said, "How do you view sex when you're, you know, you say a guy was good in bed? What would count?" And she said, "It was everything from the moment I saw him all the way to the moment he left me. So, how he was, you know, taking my clothes off, how he was kissing me, how he was holding me, >> plus obviously penetration.
(25:32) " >> Mhm. >> Well, as men, >> we just see it as penetration. >> Yeah. >> So, when we think of sex, we literally just think penetration, whereas when women think of sex, it's so much more than that. And that brought me to what you actually told me about way back when when you I think you were in Dubai last time. >> Mhm.
(25:48) >> And you said the shift in belief that you need to have when you're with a woman is that her pleasure starts like her spirals in >> whereas men's pleasure spirals out >> and that shifted everything cuz it was like it made sense when I was speaking to this friend that her idea of sex started everywhere outside >> before penetration >> before even actually you started with taking off her clothes.
(26:11) It starts with the context. How did he invited her on a date? How he showed up? What he did before you even got physical, right? And then, you know, again, spiraling all the way down to there, right? >> When I was doing all the research on this of like sexless marriages and people sharing their stories about how, >> you know, sometimes they'll just go up to their wife and hold her and want to have sex and the wife's like, I don't want to do it. Mhm.
(26:35) >> And I'm thinking well it makes sense because of the belief that you shared with me because they've not done anything to ignite that kind of sensation >> prior and it's like it started at the beginning of the day but they but with men it's like there and then in the moment it's like we just want to have sex there and then.
(26:51) >> So there is one more thing to this uh that uh luckily people are now becoming more and more aware of uh the different types of desire. So there is either spontaneous desire or a responsive desire. So to simplify that, spontaneous desire is kind of you have a thought. It maybe starts in the mind.
(27:10) Oh, I want to have sex and then you're ready to have it and then your body follows. And that's around 85% of men. While with women, it's the other way around. 85% of women have responsive desire. So there is a context that needs to happen, right? They need to maybe feel safe, emotionally connected, seen, and heard and then understood.
(27:33) And then there will be maybe soft touch or a massage and they desire awakens based on that. So again 85% of women uh more or less are having responsive desires. So it's kind of connected to that spiral or different way of looking at that. >> And so does your work heavily when you're working with couples heavily on the male side revolve around >> educating them >> that this starts at the beginning of the day? >> Yeah.
(28:03) Yeah, that's why we start with all kind of connection rituals, emotional intimacy, etc., etc., so that women can feel safe and connected. >> I'm going to read actually uh this account from Reddit that I found. >> Mhm. >> And I want to get your thoughts on it. >> Mhm. >> He starts off by saying, he said, "My wife thinks I have a low sex drive, but the truth is," and then he says, "So, my wife, she's a beautiful lady.
(28:24) I'm not interested in cheating or going behind her back. She just thinks we don't have a lot of sex because I have a low sex drive. But the truth is, we don't have a lot of sex because we have it the way that she wants it and little to never how I want it. >> I'm all for using vibrators and whatever else to get her off as many times as possible.
(28:40) I'm a huge fan of everything else, >> but she scarcely returns the favor. She once said, "If you shower before bed, I'll do it." So, for a week straight, I made sure I showered and clean and and was clean because let's be real, who wants to go down on a smelly person? Totally reasonable request. Mhm. >> I was so I would do my thing with her and then when it came to the receiving end it was no avail.
(29:00) I have a really high sex drive but she has become a selfish lover and coming from a man it's pretty comical to say this. I have no words at this point and I'm pretty close to just giving up sex altogether. >> He seems to me a little bit of a nice guy syndrome. >> Okay. Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. which is quite common >> and uh not having clear boundaries or clear asks or maybe not even being able to have a proper conversation.
(29:27) So I actually teach how to give a conscious feedback. >> Wow. And uh so this is one of the first things I would do because obviously he he is co-creating this dynamic in a way that he gives into that and he continues to give her what she wants without uh being really you know clear about receiving what he needs.
(29:48) Right? So that's that's number one. >> What would conscious feedback look like? >> So based on nonviolent communication which I love just a little bit simplified. I would first ask for permission. Can I give you a feedback? Are you open for that? Uh so let's apply it to the case that we just read. Secondly, uh I would state facts very important, not opinions or judgments or perceptions.
(30:15) So the facts could be last three times we made love. You had an orgasm or I have done what you requested but what I have requested requested was not on the table or did not happen. last free time we made love. This is a fact. This is not, oh, you never do what I say. Oh, you always just think of yourself. Those are >> perceptions.
(30:41) Uh, so we're going to move to facts. And this I'm repeating it because that's where most people get it wrong. >> And the facts are important because she cannot get defensive about it, right? It is what it is. >> Yeah. >> Then next thing he can say how it made me feel. Okay. Again, something she cannot get defensive about. So, the guy could say, "Hey, it made me feel completely disconnected from you.
(31:02) It made me feel sad. It made me feel insecure. It made me feel uh angry, frustrated, whatever it is, right? And then a possible what you think of it and a possible request. And it could be, hey, for me, uh, our intimate life is the foundation of our relationship. And if both of our needs are not met, uh the relationship will crumble >> and possible request.
(31:36) How about going to u conscious intimacy workshop or I don't know sex coach coaching therapy. >> Yeah, >> I looked at three of them here. Would you be open? Uh and then secondly really um doing the work obviously I actually like to really bring the erotic blueprint framework into situations like that. Uh >> Miss Ja break down the >> there are five erotic blueprints we are a combination of five again this is a framework by Miss Ja uh phenomenal similar to five love languages but in a context of erotic life.
(32:15) Uh some of us are I'm going to give you an example. I am predominantly energetic. So all the energy beos etc. I love the stillness, the ritual, the eye gazing, the breath. Then I'm also very high on sensual. Uh I like all my body being stroked. I like beautiful spaces. I can have a flower music gas or an eargasm or lip gm etc.
(32:37) Again none of the two the entry is required. Y >> the third one I am 15% uh is kinky so power dynamics for example psychological kink dominant submissive or physical kink spanking vloggers pain etc. Erh then the number four is sexual and actually you know for women it's not the first two they are usually energetic and sensual.
(33:05) >> So sexual this is most uh relevant to what we see on porn. >> Y >> and then shape shifter who likes it all. Okay. >> So sexual is what again >> closest to what we see on pornography. So you like penetration climax type step type of an orgasm can be easily uh available for that and ready while let's say for example sensual needs to be relaxed and it needs to be a beautiful place to even be open etc right so okay >> um to again there's much more to that but let's let's leave it for now um possibly uh I hear she wants all the
(33:44) toys etc she might be high on sexual for example And maybe he is sensual or energetic and they are not meeting each other because again there is this idea of being incompatible >> and there is no frameworks right like what is your mother tongue what is your mother language >> uh Hindi >> Hindi right mine is Polish you know are we incompatible no we now learn English so we can communicate this way right so I love the erotic blueprints for that because they say they they give you and understanding where the differences are
(34:20) coming from. Y >> and they give you avenues of finding a common ground and building new scenarios that honor both partners. So that would be another uh you know part of the work uh I would do with this couple. >> Yeah, I love erotic blueprint. I think that was I love any blueprint to be honest. [laughter] >> But no, but genuinely speaking like it's exactly what you said.
(34:42) if I know my language and I know your language. >> And then literally one of these scenarios actually came up in one of the Reddit threads I was looking at. >> Mhm. >> Where this guy was complaining that every time he tried and like be with his wife and try and like get into the mood, she just wasn't in the mood. >> And yeah, we spoke earlier about how like, you know, with women it starts at the day at the beginning of the day.
(35:02) But it could also be just a difference in their erotic blueprint, right? She's more maybe sensual and he's just sexual. like he just sees her, he wants to have sex, >> and she's like, "No, I need to feel things, etc." That's why I love it so much. I've got another one for you. So, this is a female perspective. >> She says, "To the men whose sex lives have tanked since their wives have had babies and are breastfeeding.
(35:21) " She says, "I've been struggling in my marriage for years. The biggest disagreement we had is mismatched sex drives. The reason being is I've had three babies. I've breastfed for a year and within this entire [ __ ] show of hormonal changes, I have hated sex." M >> she said, "I didn't want any of that. No, thank you.
(35:40) " My husband, feeling distraught and unloved, suffered. He tried his best to help me with the day-to-day, give me breaks, but didn't really help my sex drive. It just made me feel like I owed him transactional. And I also suffered. >> Uh I thought something was wrong with me. I was broken and wondering why other women get to enjoy sex. Yet, here I am.
(35:56) Am I just ex exhausted? Do I hate me? Is this forever? We argued and argued and argued. It never really felt like it was ending. Fast forward, my kids are still little, but I'm no longer in the postpartum stage of childh having, and I'm finally done breastfeeding. My libido is back with a vengeance. I feel like myself again, and my marriage has fallen back into its groove.
(36:15) >> So, to many whose wives have had just had babies, please be kind. Please have patience. We are not in control of these hormones. >> Now, what I will say is the following. Yes, first of all, we need to have those conversations before because a woman's body will change. I usually tell women, you know, at least 6 months or maybe even let's wait up to a year till we start to do the work together.
(36:39) Just give yourself some time and be gentle with yourself. Uh there are changes in the body. Now there are some other ways as well because again I believe that part of the challenge is that everyone equate [clears throat] sex often we mix connection and intimacy with sex. So often what happens is those couples just don't even get any kind of connection and intimacy because >> they're not sleeping well.
(37:09) They're free kids. They're so busy. And how about when the body changes also dialing up on the um emotional or spiritual intimacy. It doesn't have to be uh only physical. So I feel that is often missing. Are they even having any quality time? So what I will do, I would invite them to schedule intimacy time.
(37:35) And it doesn't have to be sex, but it can be cuddling. It can be just making out or kissing, just feeling intimate. Okay, so that will help. Secondly, if we even go into the physical, again, we have so much to play with, not just the entry and penetration. What I for example loved to give a man is a beautiful tantric lingum massage of one hour long where I ride him through waves of pleasure and uh you know bring him to a full body big go.
(38:11) So for example this could be something that she could offer her partner right. Um so so there are so many different options. Maybe they could just be sensual and interact in this way or be have an energetic orgasm together, you know, just lying down and spooning and breathing for half an hour. >> So, I bet they did not have those options available to them.
(38:34) >> What if they don't feel like it? [snorts] And so, it comes down to the question, if you don't feel like doing these things, should you still just do it? >> Okay. So, what what does it exactly mean you don't feel like doing it? Because if you have a responsive desire, you almost, you know, always don't feel like doing it.
(38:52) If you have, if you ask on average any woman, do you want to have sex right now? 85% of them will say no >> because something needs to happen >> to make it >> in order for them for they desire to awaken. There needs to be a context. They need to again. So that's why let's schedule. And now I love it that now what's becoming more uh popular is a temple night stolen from the the title stolen from the tantric world.
(39:18) So not a date night because then people just go for dinner, drink wine or maybe watch, you know, a series together. And that's not what we're about here, right? We're really about quality time connection and becoming intimate. So, a temple night y >> where you schedule a connection uh time where it's just the two of you >> and you do some kind of practices to um to feel more connected and then maybe a massage or a slower touch and you build it up and then again there is a chance for you to feel more connected and then
(39:49) desire can awaken because I'm going to ask you a question. Um, you let's say you want to be fit and you want to have a healthy lifestyle, but you just don't feel like going to the gym. >> Yep. >> You know, what do you do? >> We still go. >> You still go. And have you ever regretted going to a gym or to a yoga class? >> No.
(40:09) >> No. Because you feel amazing afterwards, right? It's the same here. >> Schedule your intimacy time. Take the pressure away from penetration or an orgasm. Maybe it's going to go this way. Sometimes it will. And sometimes you will just be holding each other and maybe crying in each other arms and that will be it.
(40:27) >> You know, so show up for that anyway. >> Y >> and see what happens. And that's where the prior prioritizing and the commitment of the relationship really works. And that's what people what couples in my couples course tell me because we have this container. we have to schedule it and we have to show up and then you know actually magic happens because otherwise we no let's cancel we're too tired let's postpone >> so it's almost treating it like a like a disciplined practice so that you can continue growing in it
(40:58) >> absolutely like everything else in life if you want to grow if you want to grow it you need to put time energy and resources into it >> see my concern with this is men okay >> so I think about me with my partner like I would think intimacy to her is is is way more than just sex. So, I'm going to make sure I provide that.
(41:18) >> But if a man doesn't have that fundamental understanding, he's not going to >> even care about the scheduled intimacy time, right? So, he's not even going to consider even showing up for it. And so, that's my concern. Like, how do you get men to to come around on this idea? >> Most of the men I have the wives bring them.
(41:32) >> Okay. Okay. That's interesting. So, the wives almost lead this this process. >> Yeah. So, usually, again, I I mentioned this a little bit, right? It's usually the women who want to start doing this work first. M so they start with by women's course and then they become more playful. Then they become more orgasmic.
(41:48) Then they start to initiate more and then the men become intrigued. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> I see what's happening here. I don't want to miss out. Let's try. >> Yeah. >> So, you know, does this always work? No. Uh but you know, quite often. >> Yeah. Yeah. So, step into your empower as a woman. >> Yeah. Inspire.
(42:10) I like to say seduce your partner into it. So, nagging, forcing, manipulating is not going to work. >> What's going to work is inspiring, leading with an example, and seducing your partner into what you want. >> I I definitely want to get into dos and don'ts of the bedroom now. But just before that, I have a question. What do men um secretly complain to you about their wives? >> Nothing what they do seems to be right.
(42:37) And sometimes they already enter the bedroom with anxiety that whatever they do is not the right way. You know, the touch is not the way he initiated but not the way she wanted or it's too fast or it's too this or it's too not that. And uh yeah, women often complaining. >> Yeah. >> Criticizing but not appreciating or celebrating their men enough.
(43:06) Men want to be acknowledged. Yeah. And celebrated and appreciated. And even if he's clumsy, great. But he's making an effort. So give him, you know, give him some time. Give him a chance and really appreciate him. So we just had this conversation with a this week and a woman was dreaming about her husband initiating more and now he initiated, but he did it in the morning and she really doesn't like the morning and she's like, "Oh my god, I was so frustrated.
(43:36) I wanted to go and work out and I was smelly and you know here I am he's finally initiating and then I'm a [ __ ] right about it. So anyway we kind of analyzed that how you can say you know how you can actually even admit that's exactly what happened what is happening. I was dreaming about you initiating and you finally are and here I am being frustrated because I want to go and work out.
(44:01) Uh but I want to really celebrate you and I'm just so happy and let's do more of it and maybe next time not in the morning. How would that work for you? >> Yeah. Yeah, >> that's one of the complaints. Um yeah, that's probably the number one I would say. >> What about the flip side? What do men uh what do women complain about men? >> Oh, that the list is longer.
(44:21) I know it's going to be a long list, but I'm just wondering why >> I think on the top of the list is men going too fast. >> Men going too fast. >> Mhm. And it's with everything. Jumping into the physical uh >> finishing too fast. >> Finishing finishing. You know, it depends because if it's not great, women want it, you know, actually unlike >> what we most think.
(44:44) Uh if it's just, you know, jack rabbiting, most women want it to finish faster. [laughter] >> Makes sense. You don't very few women want jack rabbiting for 20 minutes but just you know foreplay touch um >> they don't go long enough basically. >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> Or too fast. >> I guess my question next question is yeah what do men get wrong [laughter] in the bedroom.
(45:08) Listen, so I don't want to say men get it wrong because again this might sound quite um critical towards men and I think you know they're already criticized enough and I always like to bring compassion because again what did we taught men? Nothing. >> We gave them porn and uh completely um you know unrealistic view of sexuality where they learned from.
(45:36) Um so I think no no first uh acknowledging that what they so important is not reality it's and and it's entertainment okay and that's not how women's bodies work. >> So even acknowledging that that there are things for them to learn >> the other idea is the definition of performance for men and women is completely else.
(46:00) So everyone feel this feels this pressure of performance. But if you ask them what it means for men to last to be as hard as big and last as long as possible and that's actually not what women care about at all. They care about feeling connected, [snorts] >> about them being present, about feeling pleasure, uh not you know getting to the finish line, right? So the idea of the performance, can we actually talk about that and see ask for each other desires and preferences rather than assume what that performance should look like.
(46:36) Another misunderstanding is that the most important thing is penetration and that the easiest way for women to orgasm is from just going longer and harder uh inside of her. It's not >> Yeah. Yeah. What should a man hear instead? >> Again, understanding that actually one of the most sexiest qualities is his presence.
(46:59) >> Wow. Okay, >> guys. It's not about what you do, it's how you do it. So, another thing like if you look at my Instagram, I always laugh about it because all these viral posts are the techniques and the positions and yeah, it's a quick fix, but I even did a new uh reel that we posted yesterday is where, you know, if you just think of techniques and positions, it's like having a burnt toast and putting a jam on top of it to cover it.
(47:30) >> Yeah. >> It just doesn't work. So, I know it doesn't sound it's not viral and it doesn't sound sexy, but some of those basics are really important. So, making her feel safe, making her feel like you're genuinely interested and being present with her. [snorts] >> So, that's that. And it's less about what you do, more about how you do it.
(47:51) And it's actually less about doing all together and more about just freaking being. >> Yeah. >> Number two, tease. make her yearn and make her beg for more. I think one of my first teachers told me this. Uh he was teaching a lot of men and he would say, "You want to worship your woman, you want to pleasure her till she asks or begs you to enter her and not just once, three times.
(48:23) Only then she's truly ready." >> Uh yeah, I think I've heard something like this before. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Oh my god. So longer foreplay just like make her you make her yearn for more. Make her desire you more and ask for it and then and then still don't give it to her or give a little bit and tease and build more anticipation and make her the the water boil.
(48:48) You know, one of my viral reels is with the water boiling versus the fire burning, right? It takes much longer for the water to boil, but once she boils, she will stay warm and you know for a much longer time while the fire often burns out faster. So >> that then >> don't just focus on her genitals. >> Please entire body is erotic. Yeah.
(49:12) >> Um again the spiral start from the outside slowly approach more sensitive erogenous zones. >> Yeah. Remember her portal to opening is her heart and her chest. So really spend some time there. And there is this cliche saying that again has some truth to it that women need to I think feel uh love in order to open to sex and men need to have sex and open to in order to open to love something like that. Right.
(49:50) Again, a little cliche and generic, but there is some part to that. So, this is our uh portal and you want to make us feel connected, seen, heard, appreciated, safe first before you go down there. >> There's a scene in friends. So, Chandler goes to Monica and says basically, teach me how to like make a woman go crazy >> uh in the bedroom.
(50:15) And so Monica goes breaks down all the erogynous zones and then like does this entire scene saying you want to start here and do one, two, three, three, two and then like this whole pattern sequence and it just reminded me of that. >> So I I'm curious to know like obviously there's a chest area. What else does a man need to know before we move on to women when it comes to the bedroom? So I I know there's neck, there's chest, there's ears, like what else? >> So I like to do a body mapping so you figure it out. You don't have to. Again,
(50:43) another actually important quality of being a good lover is being attentive and curious. Yeah. >> Not always coming up with like seven ninja moves and, you know, repeating the same thing on every woman because again, they might have different erotic blueprint and you're going to start really slow and sensual and she's kinky.
(51:04) So, being open and curious and asking for feedback and trying different things. That's why I love to use the pleasure scale. How pleasurable is that from 1 to 10? Right? So I do this on the workshops. I invite um volunteer on the stage and I have no idea what they like. And I start playing with different things and it's like h you know how does that feel from here? Let's scratch here.
(51:28) How does that feel from one to 10? It's a free. Okay. Let's move on. Ooh, here. Ooh, that's a five. M. And now we're going to scratch a little harder. Ooh, that's a seven. So, you kind of learn and discover what is so pleasurable for them. But some of the most well-known non-genital erogynous zones, scalp, ear, neck, uh wrists, inner elbow, hips, inner thighs, uh ankle, feet.
(51:59) >> Yeah, I did. >> My favorite definitely neck and neck and ears are high on the list. >> I didn't know about inner elbow. That's that's a new one. >> There's armpit. There are some others, but yeah. What about women? Um let's talk about women in the in the bedroom. >> So why why don't we bring back the spiral approach, right? So we said that the women from the women is from the outskirts all from the least erog actually from the context itself emotional connection safety the least erogynous zones to a little bit more
(52:28) erogynous zones and then closer and the last goes the entry. Right? >> With a men it can be the other way around. So we start with they what we call positive energy pole. >> Mhm. >> Let's just say the lingum [laughter] and we build up the energy here and then we start to lift it up to his heart and help him with that.
(52:52) And this can happen through riding him through the waves of pleasure. So edging, let's say people most people will know what that is. There's a little bit more to this than edging because for with edging there is mostly a physical component. With riding the waves of pleasure to me there is an energetic and spiritual component to it.
(53:10) So building up pleasure and then relaxing and allowing him to slow down. What I really love to do as well is what men do not experience so often to really be a full-on receiver and uh surrender to a woman. So I love that. And then I go through a proper linga massage uh and ride them through the waves of pleasure.
(53:33) Bring them to an excitement of a seven or a six. Then slow it down. Ask them to breathe and sound and help them to move the energy >> up from here all the way to the heart and then build up some pleasure again and kind of ride that wave for a couple of times. >> Yeah. See, this sounds like real intimacy >> like compared to what we see of like TV shows, movies, porn, etc.
(53:56) like this what you're describing sounds like actual >> intimacy. I know you have videos and and tons of advice in terms of like what she should be doing on top, what men should be doing and stuff like that. What are kind of like the top I'd say three pieces of advice you would give to a woman in terms of like how she should be? >> So I what number one piece of advice ladies stop concentrating so much on how to bring him pleasure and shift the focus inside and focus on how can you feel more? How can you become more orgasmic? How can you
(54:34) feel more pleasure and how you can express it >> because and this is the feedback I also get for so many of my lovers. It's amazing how I can feel your body uh responsive uh responding to whatever I do, how the pleasure moves through you, how much sound you make, how alive because that is actually contagious.
(54:57) And men genuinely really love to see a woman experiencing a lot of pleasure with them. And we are so focused on how oh the women always ask me at the beginning, you know, give me free techniques how to, you know, do the head or how to do this. I'm like, can you start with yourself feeling more pleasure, enjoying yourself and expressing it, not being quiet, but literally making sounds, moaning on saying, "Hey, I love what you do.
(55:24) I feel so good." So that is the tip number one. >> Yep. [laughter] >> Tip number two, positive reinforcement. Instead of telling your partner what doesn't work and cutting off his balls and demotivating him and again as I said so many men think like I'm scared to even start because nothing I do is good enough. Point out on what works.
(55:47) This is such a small change but so significant. Okay. And let's say you can even say even if it's a tiny thing after you made love I love to um implement what I call a conscious closure. >> Mhm. So hey, like talking about what worked, what we could do better for next time. So in a conscious closure, I would say, you know what, that moment that you actually stopped moving and you looked me in the eyes, that was so powerful.
(56:19) I felt you inside of me. I felt like we connected on a soul level. I just loved that. Even if it's like five seconds of, you know, 10 minutes you've done, point on this one moment. Yeah. And really express how it made you feel and why it worked so he can come back to that next time. >> So, positive reinforcement.
(56:42) And third one, do you want something specific? No, but there's just too many things. [laughter] >> What about her on top? Because I know you speak a lot about that. >> Great. Let's do that one because there's just so many tips. Uh uh being cowg positions. Great. Uh why? Because again, it's a beautiful way to lead without teaching.
(57:03) >> So teaching can get a little awkward because you're immediately in creating this this balance and the dynamic. Hey, I know better. Now I'm going to tell you what to do. A lot of men don't really, you know, it's not it's not the best way to approach them. Okay? And it can create this mommy, you know, mommy dynamic here that can sometimes kill the attraction, right? And it can be a little bit um intimidating.
(57:32) So when you take the lead, it's a beautiful way to show them what you want without schooling them. I love either cowgirl and being on top or another one that let's let's do this one because that's a less common what I call active receiver. So let's say even from the behind or even when men in a missionary you ask your male partner to stop moving >> and you start to move. Okay.
(57:57) And then you can angle your hips. You can come closer and further. You are in charge of the pressure, the rhythm, the speed. Active receiver. >> Wow. And there's actually a research that shows that like almost 90% of women experience more pleasure and better orgasms when they angle their hips, when they circulate their hips.
(58:19) So again, it's just as simple as saying your partner, hey, can you stay still for a moment and let me lead? >> And the man can also learn in that moment like without being schooled. So let's repeat that because we have like free codes, right? We had ladies >> focus on your pleasure and know that it's important and expressing it, making it clear, experiencing it.
(58:41) Positive reinforcement, active receiver. >> I love that. Yeah. You know, it's so funny cuz for men, you said it was presence and for women, you said um focus and pleasure. And I just think about both like together, even as a man, like >> my best moments in the bedroom have always been when I've just been so present.
(59:02) And it's not that I've been focused on my own pleasure, but by almost being so connected in that moment to what's going on, I'm wanting to do more as a result. >> So, it kind of leads back to what you're saying, which is like when you focus on your pleasure, you almost become more into it essentially. >> Exactly.
(59:20) Exactly. And then you it's also contagious. >> It's so amazing, you know. So by you making more sounds and I I can actually just come from hearing my partner come. >> Wow. >> Mhm. >> Okay. >> That's typical energetic blueprint quality. >> But most men are so quiet. >> So that's a big part of what I teach them.
(59:43) Express your pleasure because it's contagious and >> you can just hop on a wave. But it all comes down to knowing like what we said at the beginning which was like connecting to your own body through your own self-pleasure >> and figuring that out first and then you become better and yeah I'm starting to see the connections now. >> Yeah.
(59:59) I get you know this is the this is the analogy that I give a lot and I love those simple analog analogy. Yeah, I know. >> If a couple wants to have an amazing intimacy, make love, think of it as two guitar players co-creating a beautiful melody or a song. Now imagine that both of those guitar players come and they never practice playing their own guitar.
(1:00:25) >> Yeah. >> What song are you going to create? >> It's true. Very true. >> Right. No melody for sure. So self-pleasure is really the foundation. You need to learn to play your own instrument. You need to understand how it works. And you know, it's also fun. It's not like playing guitar by yourself is just some kind of a, you know, dull homework uh that that you got to suffer doing, right? It's fun.
(1:00:52) I love it equally. I love equally playing my own instrument and I as I love to play with someone else. It's not neither is better or worse. It's different and both are valid. And again, this will be the foundation of how you show up to play with another person. >> I want to briefly touch on sex magic. >> Okay, this became such a popular thing uh these days.
(1:01:13) >> Yeah, I want to talk about sex manifestation. Firstly, I want to understand what's the not not entire science but the brief science behind it like how does it >> how do you manifest from sex? There are a few lenses to look at that the lens you know I like to be less woo and a little bit more practical. >> So I like to first look at the lens of the inner versus outer work.
(1:01:38) So let's say you want to manifest um that's something I wanted. I wanted to manifest to become a millionaire. I came from communism poverty scarcity mindset. So we are so good in our society in everything that is out of work. Meaning I went to study finance and banking. I worked hard. I had a five-year plan. I applied for the best companies.
(1:02:01) Then I you know was climbing the rad ladder. Blah blah blah. All this out of work. But we are dismissing often the inner work. I didn't feel worthy of it. I came from communism. Uh I didn't feel I'm good enough. I didn't believe I can even actually get there altogether because my dad would make, you know, always tell me that's like I'm, you know, smoking mirrors and whatever, right? So, you need to accompany it with the inner work.
(1:02:31) So, sex magic is a little bit of that. It's that inner work where you start to feel worthy of it where you create new neuropaths in your brain using pleasure that saying let's say you know I am actually worthy of wealth I am smart I am capable >> whilst pleasuring >> while pleasuring because it's a little bit easier for your nervous system to create this new neuropath if it feels good okay so it's a little l of doing the inner rewiring on that the inner part of the work.
(1:03:06) >> Yeah. >> Uh another thing is >> that there are parts of the brains hypothalamus that um do I think it's called value tagging information filtering where of course there is like you know infinite number of information every second and our brain has to uh decide what it's going to let in and what it's going to ignore. Yeah.
(1:03:31) >> So, usually it bas it bases it on familiarity. So, [snorts] let's say another example I'm going to give you. If women are super successful now, they are, you know, [clears throat] in a managerial positions and working really, really hard and they come to me saying they want to attract the partner, but the reality is they're working 12 hours a day, then they go to the gym and then they go to sleep because they're tired, right? So for the brain it's not enough familiarity with the topic.
(1:04:01) So when you start to do um the let's say manifestation and sex magic work you start to put attention on this topic right. So your brain your hypothalamus starts to recognize hey this is actually a familiar topic that we want to focus on. So now we're going to let that information in. >> And then there is the value tagging.
(1:04:22) I believe it's the second term while it's already in your brain is going to prioritize it, >> right? >> Okay. And if it's not familiar or if you're really not really focusing on it, you're just saying you want to attract a partner, but you never go on a date and you only work, then it's not going to categorize it as a priority.
(1:04:42) The more you do the manifestation work, do you see that? You start to focus your attention, you do visualization, your focus, your attention, your energy goes towards that. Yeah. and your whole system starts to recognize it as something more important. So there is a little bit more you know less woowoo explanations to all that we can go a little further but >> since we're coming to an end I'm going to give the other part to that.
(1:05:06) So we are taking essentially sexual energy the life force energy the the energy that creates new life if directed outwards y and we're going to move it from the triangle of uh creation up to the triangle of creativity. Right? So when you move instead of um throwing the energy out with a climax type of an orgasm let's say we're going to start moving the energy up and again we for those who know the work of Jodispensa similar idea right the energy becomes lighter it becomes higher frequency and then we kind of bring it to in the
(1:05:47) tantric word to a place where the awareness the unmanifested the consciousness the Shiva is and we bring that sexual energy, the shakti, the the energy that allows it to manifest and they unite here and we kind of shoot that vision into the cosmos and we are in that frequency of creation uh and high elevated state, right? All the manifestation coaches will tell you manifest from a place of love or gratitude, right? Well, orgasmic state is exactly that or even more, right? Where we are with this really high vibrational state.
(1:06:28) >> Uh, and we're not just doing it from the cortex, from the logical part of the brain, but we are bringing on the entire body, the entire nervous system, and showering it with feel good, pleasure, etc. So, it's kind of easier to to manifest. >> It's a really high level. I got goosebumps when you explaining it.
(1:06:49) Yeah, I really liked it. No, >> but that's the that's the idea be more or less the high level idea behind that. >> So, you're moving the energy up. I know obviously there's your course and people can go through that and experience it. But for those other listeners, how can they practice that themselves where maybe they have want to make a million dollars or whatever it is, how can they use sex to manifest these things? >> Yeah.
(1:07:12) So, first of all, become clear of what you really want. Most people don't even know that. Okay. They usually know what they don't want >> because that's how our brain works. So if you you will be surprised when I ask people when they join my courses where how do you like it to be? Well, I don't want it to be a chore. I don't. No, no, no. Okay.
(1:07:27) What's on the other side? So be clear about what you want. Then um dedicate let's say an hour of your time uh to self-pleasure because it's not going to work you know with it's maybe it's going to work but it's going to be much more meaningful and nourishing and powerful if you spend some time slowing down observing your arousal level and then [snorts] you don't have to move energy per se you just have to move awareness >> okay >> and then the energy will follow this is like a quote when I give people at the beginning so it's easier for them. So
(1:08:01) you can go through all energy centers. Again, some of you will know, some of you don't. It's information easy to find. So you can just >> build up yes, build up a little bit of pleasure and then move your awareness up. And to help you do that, you can bring touch to each of those centers. You can breathe into your lower abdomen, abdomen, your chest, right? You can make specific sound that corresponds to each of those centers.
(1:08:28) So, it's a little bit easier. And once you move the awareness, the energy will start to follow, right? Because people are like, "How do you move energy? Do you like grab it? You lift it? Where do you tell it to move?" >> I've always been curious about this. Yeah. >> Move awareness, the energy follows attention, right? >> So, then you're moving it up and again, it's going to completely change its quality.
(1:08:49) Here, it's more animalistic, primal, you know, more genital intensity. Once it's going to go to your heart, it's more about unconditional love and being feeling one with everyone or the universe. And then when it travels up here, it's going to be more of kind of meditative states, mystical experiences, much more subtle. And then when you bring it all the way up here, you're going to shoot it out to the universe, maybe in the state of orgasm or peak pleasure state for that session.
(1:09:20) And then you're going to anchor the energy back down. >> Oh, wow. simplified version of this. Again, >> anchor the energy meaning awareness back down again, right? >> Yes. Awareness back down to ground and then you can combine that manifestation work with some of the mostly aligned action steps. >> Okay.
(1:09:38) So, we got manifestation in the material world of things that you want to see. Is this also how you can kind of connect to divinity? >> Absolutely. Yes. >> It would be the same process. >> Yes. Essentially, yes. Moving the energy up. And if you really look at the different belief systems, that's where they were all about, right? Is it the Dowist tradition in ancient China where you move the energy up through the circle microcosmic orbit? Is it even the ancient Egypt, the codes of eases? There are like the two serpents that you move through the ka body and it's called ka
(1:10:09) energy. Or is it more like yogi or condalini tradition where you move the serpent up the central channel? The bigger picture is the same taking that energy here and moving it up. >> Yeah. >> And using it for accessing altered states etc. >> So in that moment of the top chakra you would basically think of God or whatever you believe in.
(1:10:34) >> Listen, it's kind of going to happen by itself. Okay? Because when the energy moves here, you already are in a much more relaxed, receptive, meditative state. >> So you don't even have to think of God. >> Uh it's it's just going to >> you're going to experience a place of peace and trust and relaxation. Uh that you're going to start to per feel it, perceive it.
(1:11:02) It's kind of almost less doing but more just allowing yourself to surrender into that space. >> That makes sense. Okay. >> Yeah. A little bit more advanced. So again, I invite people to, you know, do a bit of a deeper work. >> I'm thinking about also the couples who want to connect to divinity and this is also part of their can be part of their process as well.
(1:11:23) So then what we learn is the same way you can circulate the energy within yourself, you can circulate it in between partners and it's called circle of light. Okay? Where a woman gives from her heart, he receives and then he gives from his positive pole and we receive here and you start to circulate that energy and again you go into those altered states stir when it like you lose track of time.
(1:11:50) You become one, you know, you don't even have to move. Uh you are merging into each other. You're melting. State of divine union also can be called like that. Magical. >> Yeah. >> And you don't even have to be naked or penetrating. You can be also in your clothes. That's what I used to do with couples. Yeah. >> Because energy doesn't know time and space and it can circulate either way.
(1:12:10) So so so beautiful. >> Yeah. I'm loving this so much cuz it's like couples intimacy, self-empowerment, connecting to divinity, manifesting the life that you want. It's all connected. >> And the more you just kind of follow that circle, the more it spirals up and up and up in your life, basically. I've got two two kind of final questions.
(1:12:29) How could someone's entire life change a year from now if they kind of started practicing the work that you do? >> To be honest with you, look at me. [laughter] Everything changed. Every area of your life can change because uh it's going to start. It's funny because I you know people come into the door mainly because of the orgasms and uh and pleasure and uh etc.
(1:12:56) And then once they in they realize it's like a whole life-changing experience. Anything can change from the way you relate to your own body and your own pleasure, the levels of pleasure and types of orgasms you experience. That means also the joy of life, connection to things like spirit, energy, so on. Uh having uh intuitive hits or downloads or visions, uh being clear about your boundaries, asking for what you want again in the bedroom, outside, attracting new partner, opportunities, a job, you name it.
(1:13:32) >> Yeah. >> And for each of my clients, it's a diff different journey. >> Yeah. Mhm. >> You you have all of this work that you've done, all of these courses you've created, but if there was one thing, one thing that you could give to the entire world to fix any relationship problems they're facing, what would that one piece of advice be? >> Open and commit to learning and practicing becoming better at it.
(1:13:54) >> Learning about yourself, learning about >> learning about yourself, intimacy, how to become a great lover, what your pleasure is like. Unlike most of people think, no, we we there is just so much to learn and becoming good at this. It's not about, oh, I'm just being born orgasmic and or I'm just not. >> No, you can learn and practice becoming better at sex.
(1:14:18) >> So, thanks so much, BB. I'm so grateful for having you. How can people find out more information about >> Yes. Uh so obviously my my uh Instagram account Planet BB, but then also make sure you subscribe to my newsletter because you never know uh what can happen there. And I really guys, you can work with me from anywhere.
(1:14:39) Uh my signature courses are online and they're live. So it's not like you buy some bunch of videos and then you never see me again and you never finish them. We start as a group, we finish as a group. There is a community from all over the world from Argentina to Saudi Arabia and and everything in between and I work predominantly with women only.
(1:14:58) So if your partner is skeptical, hesitant, don't worry. Start doing the work yourself or then you know couples work ecstatic lovers academy and ladder to bliss. These are my two main courses. Otherwise there's tons of other things. Free practices you can find. So maybe you want to start with that. Free live master classes.
(1:15:18) So again, you can feel into my style of teaching and you can really tune in from anywhere. So no excuses guys. >> Amazing. >> And it's all about practice, not just talking. Yeah. >> Because podcasts is great. Podcasts are great. And I hope so many seeds were planted. But guys, what it really comes down to is practicing all that.
(1:15:37) So that's where I love in those deeper containers. I have practices for everything. And they're beautiful, elegant, and made with so much care. >> Amazing. Thank you. >> Thank you. >> [laughter]